Star Trek At 50
Star Trek at 50
10 episodes from each of the 5 series to give an overview of 50 episodes of the franchise I love. I will also give honourable mentions and name what I consider the weakest episode (“Total Gagh”) along with 2 other sections. “Praise the Prophets” will discuss elements I think are overpraised and “Cloaked from Culture” will discuss underrated aspects. This is by no means anything definitive. I wrote this on the fly just to celebrate TREK and invariably will be episodes I have forgotten but part of the fun is in going with gut instinct and seeing which stand out to me. Also multi part episodes have been condensed to one pick for the sake of sanity. This gets tougher with Deep Space 9 and Enterprise which had more serialised storylines. There will be brief notes on each episode. To avoid ranking episodes I present them in season order. The Original Series Season 1 1. “Where No Man has Gone Before”. Gary on Star Trek…
The second pilot and third episode broadcast due to TOS’ odd airing of episodes (production order vs. broadcast order is indeed a tangled tholian web of continuity) this episode sets out the Trek stall pretty early using a pet premise from Roddenberry, man being granted the power of a God. I also enjoy the rough around the edges characterisations and approach due to the fact that this was the first proper outing for a show still in flux. Lofty and a touch silly which to me is Trek in a nutshell. 2. “The Menagerie” Cagey attitudes… An irresistible premise in Spock being court martialled which eloquently manages to incorporate footage from the first Trek pilot “The Cage”. Getting to see Captain Pike (Jeffrey Hunter) in full flight alongside the mysterious Number One (franchise institution Majel Barrett) is wonderful and this is an episode that feels like it has real jeopardy. The only two parter from the Original series. 3. “The Conscience of the King” The Play’s the King… A complex moral dilemma as Kirk stumbles across an actor who may have been a mass murderer in the past, this is an episode suffused with Shakespearean references which serves its knotty narrative well. 4. “Balance of Terror” Das Shoot… The Romulans make their first on-screen appearance in a tense spaceship battle that feels like a dry run for elements of Wrath of Khan. Buoyed by Mark Lenard’s dignified performance as the unnamed Romulan commander this is a seminal original series episode defining one of Treks great villainous races.
5. “Space Seed”
The scrapes of wrath… An episode with a real Khan-do attitude this is a fantastic introduction to Trek’s most enduring bad guy (for better or worse) Montablan is elegant and suave and it gives us one of the show’s most ridiculous and gloriously entertaining round of fisticuffs between the Khan and Kirk, a trope wisely not repeated in the Wrath of Khan. 6. The City on the Edge of Forever Keeling over… Trek sometimes struggles with convincing romances but here in the relative short timeframe of a single episode Kirk contemplates altering time forever for the love of a good woman. There’s a lived in feeling to the episode that adds to its genuine pathos. Stone cold classic, with a Keeler of an ending. Season 2 7. Amok Time. Some Vulcan sulkin’…
Pon Farr and that music would be enough but as someone who loves Vulcans this episode was a treat for exploring that race’s culture. It was a confident opener to the second series of the show and an instant classic. This was the episode I watched the night I heard Leonard Nimoy had died and it’s a great tribute. 8. Mirror, Mirror The Terran-able twos… The ubiquity of the goatee (a great statement) across pop culture may blunt its impact but Trek’s first trip to the Mirror universe retains its core themes of hopeful optimism. This episode has become a touchstone for a whole genre of dystopian alternate timelines and is meaty enough to still be provocative. 9. The Trouble with Tribbles
Cyrano Jonesin’… An absolute romp and again its iconic nature and subsequent re-visit via a future episode might take the shine off the original but this is just fun stuff, a silly adventure story for our gang where most of the characters get some interesting roles to play. Sadly, the show didn’t always dish things out quite like that. Season 3 10. Day of the Dove Do the Kang Kang…
Energy beings were always toying with the Enterprise and Klingons were a constant looming threat so this episode combines the two to great effect. Klingons are given some much needed shading and Michael Ansara’s performance as Kang is one for the ages. Honourable Mentions: Let that be your Last Battlefield: Heavy handed but iconic with its images and Frank Gorshin is a treasure. Arena: Gorn addiction. Total Gagh: The Way to Eden: Space Hippies. *Sigh* Praise the Prophets: Some of the much trumpeted social commentary feels a bit overemphasised. There’s no denying Star Trek tackled themes and allegory but it was often a very silly show that was just plain wacky. Nothing wrong with that at all! I sometimes think people overpraise the shows soapbox elements to the detriment of its goofier side. Cloaked from Culture: TOS is a pop culture artefact and has been very much pored over but an element that is overlooked is the crew outside the Kirk/ Spock/ McCoy trinity. While some are quite underwritten there is a solid support there from the secondary characters and a recurring roster with Yeoman Rand, Christine Chapel et al. Comments: Season 1 gets the most love. The Next Generation Season 2: 1. The Measure of a Man Soong-rise of the machines… No surprises here, TNG’s first classic and still one of the most beloved instalments. Despite being a somewhat wobbly premise in theory (all this stuff with Data’s rights as a being surely would have come up as he was entering Star Fleet) this is still powerful material and features the best characterisation of Picard up to that point. The measured Picard of the halcyon days of TNG took time to develop. I still believe he is a cranky weirdo in the first two seasons of the show but this was the episode that really began to create my favourite Trek Captain. Peerless. Season 3: 2. Deja Q The real Suddenly Human… A funny episode that evolves Q’s character and gives him some of his best lines. There is a long held belief between my brother and I that the crew constantly misunderstand Q. He is always met with suspicion that he is lying but never really has. He’s so powerful he has no reason for subterfuge. He put humanity on trial. He granted Riker powers. He lost his own abilities here. Picard was responsible for the destruction of humanity. The list goes on and on and I always find it funny that once per Q episode a character will say something along the lines of “But what’s he really up to? Or what isn’t he telling us?” Nothing you fools, he’s mischievous but straight up! Anyway a great episode that ends with Data laughing. Sublime. 3. Yesterday’s Enterprise. I Enterprise C what you did there… Taut, thrilling, complex and finally something for Tasha Yar to do two seasons after she died. A glimpse into the tough war like show Star Trek could have been (and perhaps flirted with in DS9) this is a famously thrown together episode, various drafts and writers coming together to make it work so the fact that it’s a classic is a miracle. All the better for being a done in one. 4. Best of Both Worlds
FIRE on the Bridge…
I can’t add anything to this that hasn’t entered the public consciousness already. Locutus of Borg, that doomsday choir, the cube, resistan…well it’s futile to quote. TNG was a wolf 359 in sheep’s clothing all this time! Season 4/ Season 5 5. Redemption That’s no way to Gowron an empire… A personal favourite which has political intrigue causing schisms in the Klingon empire. Introduces Gowron (played by Robert O’Reilly the most unblinking of actors I have ever seen) and ties into several episodes of Worf’s personal arc as well as Yesterday’s Enterprise. Masterful. Season 5 6. Darmok The language warrior… The episode that created a meme and a thoughtful exploration of cultural differences. I’m not sure the logic of an entire language based on metaphors is particularly sound but as an allegory and an episode it’s so well-crafted that to complain would be churlish. Shaka, when the walls fell. 7. The Inner Light Time flutes when you’re having fun… I mentioned earlier about the slow process of Picard settling as a character but this episode gives Patrick Stewart the best work he’s done as Picard lives out an entire life in less than a half an hour. The script really sells the idea of a life lived and despite it having that studio bound feeling of many Trek planet and civilisations this world feels more authentic than normal. Season 6
8. Tapestry Taking my Q from this… An insight into Picard’s past and an ambiguous treatise on his relationship with Q this episode’s conceit is brilliantly sustained giving a Quantum Leap-esque shot for Picard to right the wrongs of his past. The dull dreary present he finds himself in is quietly devastating in its way and total contrasts for how timelines are usually altered for the apocalyptic. Seeing Picard as such an uninspired non-entity is truly depressing.
Season 7 9. The Pegasus Riker taken down a peg or two… This might surprise people but I just really love this episode. A great guest turn from Terry O’Quinn and it examines some disconnects from Riker’s character in which he can oscillate from fun loving rogue to oddly stoic stick in the mud. This episode provides a rationale for an officer who found blindly following duty could lead to questionable decisions and tough choices. Also the Enterprise gets to cloak! 10. All Good Things Picard’s picking the cards… Arguably my favourite episode of all Star Trek, the episode is a celebration of a great tv show. With Generations on the horizon the episode didn’t have to round off the characters’ lives, something that can hobble tv show finales. Instead this just acts as a great send off, touching on aspects of the show from the beginning and going full circle with that very first arc. It really feels like the stakes are universally big and even if the time travel is wishy washy and the central problem more cerebral that some would like the episode is warm and funny and again lofty in scope. An episode of ideas and a perfect send off before these characters went to the big screen. Honourable Mentions: The Drumhead: I just really like this one. McCarthyism in the 24h century. Who Watches the Watchers: Prime example of the Prime directive and its complexity. Total Gagh: Shades of Gray: Poorly conceived clip show, a by-product of a writer’s strike but even so an absolute mess. (Sub Rosa must also be mentioned). Praise the Prophets: I think the general consensus of TNG is pretty right on the money, wobbly start that blossomed into a powerhouse of a show. The 6th season is curiously overpraised by some including Brent Spiner and Ronald D. Moore. I mean it’s all subjective but I don’t think the 6th season is massively different quality wise from the seasons around it. Certainly not enough to be noted but each to their own. Cloaked from Culture: An episode like “In Theory” that falls between the cracks of seasons. A smart and thoughtful episode that is maybe too soft for much of fandom. Comments: Picard dominates these picks and is still my favourite Captain. Season 3 gets the most love. Deep Space 9 Season 1 1. Duet Bajor character development… A tense two hander that deepens Kira’s character and has a stunning guest turn from Harris Yulin this is a twisty slow burner that shows the multi-dimensional facets of an enemy and the regrets that conflicts can bring. Easily the best episode of the shows somewhat middling first season.
Season 2
2. Necessary Evil Columbo in Cardassian limbo… An episode about Odo as fluid as a shapeshifter changing forms and the format is just as malleable as film noir bleeds into the more recognisable elements. Showing life before the Cardassians left this is a tough episode that refreshingly doesn’t pull its punches. 3. The Jem’ Hadar An absolute Jem of an episode…
I’m using this episode to stand in for the Dominion conflict starting. This is a pacy chapter that sets up the series’ newest villains and also allows Quark to win back some ground for Ferengi pride. Season 3 4. Improbable Cause/ The Die is Cast Shiar madness… The first episode is pitch perfect crime story but then it becomes an all-out galactic invasion narrative but never loses sight of its main aim, to probe the depths of DS9’s best supporting character, the ever elusive and inscrutable Garak. Season 4 (possibly my favourite all-round season of any Star Trek show)
5. The Way of the Warrior Mogh-li’s road…
Serving as an introduction to Worf coming on board and also pitting the Federation against the Klingons once more, this is a barnstorming tale of bat’leths and broken promises. An absolute highpoint of DS9. 6. The Visitor Jakes-speare… An episode that deals with familial love in that sort of big hearted way usually only afforded to weepy romance stories this is Trek’s love of technobabble funnelled into a properly affecting story that uses an arresting framing device to make its ultimate point on the limitless possibilities of family and time.
7. Our Man Bashir
All fun and James…
This is here because of pure fun. The best holodeck gone wrong story this perfect parody of James Bond films is both affectionate and critical, offering the harsh realities of the spy game through cynical Garak but maintaining its wide eyed idealism and roguish heart through the fantasies of Bashir. The ending is quite subversive on the topic of saving the world and is a sort of ghoulish kiss off of her Majesty’s finest agent. Season 5 8. Trials and Tribble-lations Can I Kirk or can’t I?... Star Trek throws its own best birthday party, a day of the dove-tail between classic trek and the so called black sheep of the franchise. Superb effects work and such a loving tone mix to perfect effect. People may quibble (does a tribble ever quibble) with some liberties but if you can’t have fun with an episode like this I suggest you may be a Klingon pretending to be a human! 9. A Call to Arms DS9 no more, back to Terok Nor… The war begins as the season ends and this kicks off one of the best things the show ever did, it’s serialised arc about Dukat re-taking the station. This episode feels momentous in that things are really happening and there’s an uncertainty over everyone fate. Seeing the Defiant join a huge armada at the episode’s end is beautiful grace note to leave the 5th season on.
Season 6
10. In the Pale Moonlight Holo-victories… I’m not someone who believes darker is better but this is easily the darkest episode of the entire franchise and it is riveting. Sisko almost breaks the fourth wall as he details the lengths he will go to win the war and the allies he will enlist. It also created a meme in Senator Vreenak and even as a kid found that scene and delivery overripe. I kept thinking to myself is that the best take they had?? Honourable Mentions: Far Beyond the Stars: I’ll get in trouble for not including this in the main list but parsing Deep Space Nine is hard. A superb episode that I almost put in instead of A Call to Arms but wanted to represent the war arc of the show. This has interesting things to say about humanity’s past and the origins of sci-fi like Star Trek but, and this will be heresy to most but I find Benny’s breakdown at the end quite overacted and that has always slightly spoiled the effect for me. Otherwise a classic. Inquisition: Kafka-esque themes and the first appearance of Section 31 Total Gagh: Profit and Lace: Too wacky and too tacky and underserves some great character like Zek. (for people who would think Let He Who is Without Sin should be here, close call but the shallow part of me forgives that episode a lot due to the scene of Jadzia Dax in her bathing suit. It’s still a Trill to this day.) Praise the Prophets: While DS9 did have pay offs and serialisation I sometimes think it’s overstated. Characters grew but certain things occur that are never mentioned again and if they happened in other Trek shows they’d be highlighted. A few examples: Hard Time: O’Brien lives out years in jail. After the episode never seems traumatised about it ever again. Children of Time: A future version of Odo makes a very questionable decision. Never discussed. Necessary Evil: A secret revealed about Kira. Never mentioned again. Sacrifice of Angels: Damar kills Ziyal. Not dealt with again. Don’t get me wrong. Deep Space 9 is my favourite but I do think there was a mild reset button people overlook. Cloaked from Culture: The humour. Always seen as the dour stepchild, Deep Space 9 has some of the best jokes and most likeable characters in the franchise. Comments: No overriding character dominates the mix here, speaking to the all-round strong characterisation of DS9. Season 4 gets the most love. Voyager 1. Caretaker Delta a bad hand… I really like the opening episode of the series and the promise that lay ahead. Sure the Maquis become as interchangeable as any Star Fleet crew but here the tension is real and the stakes high as the ship is sent to the other side of the galaxy. Knowing the show couldn’t rely on familiar races and would have to create a plethora of new aliens was exciting and fresh and the episode crackles along nicely. 2. Eye of the Needle Alpha Mail…
First absolute classic and one tied into the shows premise. The first “Will they get home?” episode and one of the best. This feels like a Star Trek Tales of the Unexpected set up with a properly great ending. Season 2 3. Death Wish The No Quinn situation…
Trek at its best deals with large questions and uses a sci-fi prism to examine them. The downsides of immortality and the stagnation of a society is ripe for discussion and that’s what a lot of “Death Wish” is, big conversation on cosmic themes. It has a very silly Riker cameo but at least that continued Jonathan Frakes ubiquity across the franchise. If we create time travel let’s give him a TOS appearance but a better written one than his popping up in Enterprise! 4. Tuvix Between a Tuvok and a hard place… A silly premise that turned into one of the most affecting episodes. A transporter accident merges Tuvok and Neelix into a brand new being but when the Doctor figures out how to undo the damage it throws up a huge moral quandary. The performances are exemplary and Tuvix is a likeable enough character that you don’t want him to just be done away with so quickly.
Season 3/ 4 5. Scorpion
Hive-way to Hell…
Voyager meets the Borg and it doesn’t disappoint. A moral dilemma well executed, the first appearance of Seven of Nine and one of the best cliff-hangers Trek ever gave us. Clearly it was their attempt at a Best of Both Worlds but crucially it doesn’t feel derivative. 6. Living Witness Doctoring History…
A rare episode that features no regular characters, save a hugely contrived version of the Doctor as a backup version of the hologram this is look at re-written history and how distorted facts keep certain conflicts alive. There is also a voyeuristic pleasure in seeing hologram versions of Voyagers crew acting so out of character and just how many facts one could get wrong about the past. Is that a Kazon on the conn?
Season 5
7. Timeless Kim chances of survival…
Voyagers 100th episode and a rare chance for Kim to get some meaty stuff. Future Kim is a bit too hard-bitten and gritty for my tastes but the show has temporal fun and Voyager crashing onto an ice planet is a spectacular set piece. 8. Latent Image
When the Doctor goes feedback loopy… An engaging mystery, stellar character work for the Doctor and a very curious off brand ending that favours simple debate and philosophy over final act peril this is an unsung masterpiece of paranoia and tough ethical decisions.
9. Someone to watch over me
Courting disaster…
A light and human episode with a lot of natural humour The Doctor attempts to teach Seven how to date and the episode has a ball with it. It even side steps some clichéd moments you think the show will employ but instead is like Voyagers’ “In Theory”. Overlooked and severely underrated.
Season 6 10. Blink of an Eye
You have to Planet ahead…
One of my absolute favourites due to its high concept of Voyager becoming embroiled in the culture of a planet where times moves faster. The script takes its time and makes the planet feel real and rich in detail. The set up itself lends itself to a lot of pathos and is simply one of the best proper “hard” sci-fi stories the series told.
Honourable Mentions: Message in a Bottle: Fun and hijinks that also moves the overall arc of the show forward. Night: A scary and unsettling look into how long term space travel could have an adverse effect on mental health. The main set piece in which the ship loses power in a dark void is perfect and it also introduced the Captain Proton Total Gagh: Threshold: No surprise here. An abomination of an episode and best forgotten. It warped our perceptions of the show.
Praise the Prophets: Dragons Teeth was always weirdly overpraised to me. It’s a fine episode but I never would clamour for the Vaadwuar to return but considering Voyager was often overly criticised, I should be glad this episode took hold as much as it did.
Cloaked from Culture: The relationship of Tom Paris and B’Elanna felt natural and well written for a series that often stumbles when tackling love stories. It is an overlooked component of something Voyager did very well.
Comments: Most episodes I love seem to favour the Doctor and why shouldn’t they? Season 5 gets the most love.
Enterprise Season 1 1. Broken Bow
Prequel rights for all concerned…
An action packed opening that throws tensions between Vulcans and humans, conflicts with Klingons and temporal Cold War and is a fun introduction to the characters and set up. The Suliban are visually imaginative and there’s a sense of adventure throughout. As pilots go this is stellar stuff.
2. The Andorian Incident One small step for Shrankind… A nicely judged tale of intrigue that gives us our first look at Shran and deepens the Andorian culture but does continue the shows worrying trend of throwing the Vulcans under the bus (out the airlock?). 3. Dear Doctor State of Phlox…
Phlox was an underutilized character and this is one of his finest hours. A proper moral dilemma again in the vein of Tuvix or an episode like that. Enterprise has its fair share of detractors but crew conflict was definitely one of its strengths. Season 2 4. Future Tense Timing is everything… Enterprise also excelled in action and this is a glorious stand-off between various factions trying to capture a time ship. I wasn’t against the temporal cold war arc as much as others were. It definitely hampered the show at the beginning and should have been teased out slower if it was to be done at all but this is a nice standalone time story that deftly touches upon the arc. 5. Regeneration First Second Contact… Temporal Investigations would frown on this episode that shows Archer tackling the Borg but the Borg continuity has always been askew. This is as close to horror as Enterprise got (minus some Zombie like Vulcans in another episode) and there’s a nice Cronenbergian shiver to the proceedings here. Another good episode from Season 2 of Enterprise which I consider one of the worst seasons of any Trek show. It bounced back with its next two years though.
Season 3
6. Twilight
Time’s Archer… Much like Children of Time this gives us an alternate future tinged with tragedy while also playing on an ill Archer. The relationship with T’Pol is handled sensitively and while we only get hints of the new status quo the episode does a good job of feeling satisfying even if it’s clear a giant re-set button is going to be pressed any nanosecond now…
7. Similitude
A Trippy outing… Manny Coto’s first script and is a perfect example of what Trek does well. A new version of Trip is created when the original is near death but surely this new version has his own rights. No simple answers are given and it stands as a modern classic overlooked in the chorus of Enterprise criticisms.
Season 4 8. Borderland/ Cold Station 12/ The Augments Soong-ing your praises… Arik Soong with a team of Augments in a commandeered Bird of Prey warping through space, do I even have to explain why this 3 parter is so good? It has a lot of conflict, great action and an edge often lacking in the show. There’s a body count and an escalation of the threat that feels legitimately dangerous. Packaged together it would have made a great film. 9. In A Mirror Darkly Defiant-ly different… Unusual in that it takes place entirely in the Mirror universe this is Trek taking a holiday or indulging in its own cosplay. It’s fun seeing the slightly bland (and hey I’m an Enterprise apologist!) crew getting to have fun and loosen up. It’s a trashy camp outing that I wouldn’t want every week but fun for a week or two. 10. Terra Nova/ Demons All’s Weller that ends Weller… The true ending to Enterprise (it’s much maligned last episode tactfully described as a coda by showrunner Manny Coto) this episode deals with xenophobia in a way that illustrates that the humans of Enterprise are now quite the angels of previous Roddenberry helmed shows. Peter Weller is a marvellous antagonist and again the show asks hard questions while still retaining a sense of danger and action. Honourable Mentions: Dead Stop: Old fashioned romp with a nice mystery and great designs. Zero Hour: I’m a big fan of the Xindi arc and picked the finale to represent the whole thing. Taking the show serialised and making it a bit darker to comment on the world Post 9-11 gave the show a relevance and an edge and course corrected the entire series. I liked the Xindi as a race and I also enjoyed the ticking clock element. The finale has a few off notes but largely succeeds and did lead in nicely to the strongest season of the show.
Total Gagh: These are the Voyages…:Yep, as bad as they say, a clunky valentine to the show that undermines Enterprise and serves to give a nod to Riker’s appearance across the entire body of work. Also it poorly serves The Pegasus an episode I previously mentioned as a favourite. Berman and Braga regret it now and like Threshold would be an episode I would gladly erase from canon.
Praise the Prophets: The re-creation of the Trinity with Archer/ T’Pol/ Trip. This was a nice nod to TOS but badly affected the other characters and made some of them barely more than ciphers. A missed opportunity. Cloaked from Culture: Scott Bakula as Archer. The character changed and deepened and Bakula is a charming lead. He was saddled with some baffling characterisation early on but he is the unsung Captain of the franchise. Comments: I like Enterprise a lot but will admit that creator fatigue had set in by this stage and after 600 hours how could it have not? Season 4 gets the most love.
Honourable mention for Star Trek the Animated Series: Yesteryear No Spock left unturned… The best animated episode and one so beloved that during the period it was deemed not canon, writers from other series would sneak in references. As this is long enough already. Capsule overview of the films. TOS films The Motion Picture- Ponderous and slow but ambitious and oddly compelling. It’s not for everyone but there’s something there amongst the drawn out peril. Wrath of Khan- Stone cold classic that has proper themes and tense battles. Kirks final line “I feel young” is Shatner’s greatest moment in my opinion. Search for Spock- Silly but very Star Treky this is a comfort movie for me. The reunion scene at the end when Spock asks “The ship? Out of danger?” gets me every time.
The Voyage Home- Glorious and totally off model and all the better for it. Fish out of water comedy meets Whales out of time hijinks!
The Final Frontier- This isn’t a particularly well made film BUT I think its underrated. The characters are bang on, Kirk standing up to “God” is Trek at its most iconic and the reveal from McCoy’s past is heart-breaking. More good stuff in it than people think. The Undiscovered Country- A favourite of mine. Compelling mystery, topical politics and an old Vulcan proverb, “Only Nixon could go to China”. TNG films
Generations-
A muddled but not joyless outing. Sure Kirks death is a damp squib and an unforgivable gag (bridge on the Captain) but its analysis of time and grief is interesting.
First Contact-
There’s a been a bit of weird retroactive bashing of this film but I say thee nay. Great action, fun conceits and a properly threatening Borg presence pre- their de-fanging on Voyager.
Insurrection-
Underrated and in the absolute spirit of Roddenberry. Sure it may feel like an extended episode but I don’t think a film would stop so much to have that Dougherty/ Picard argument which I love and it has a sunny disposition which was a nice palette cleanser after First Contact.
Nemesis-
A mess. Wrath of Khan minus the depth. It played up its duality theme in a far too heavy handed way and the characters seemed off. “The victory of the echo over the voice” was always a line I liked however.
Kelvin Timeline films
Star Trek ’09-
Dumb fun and a much needed adrenaline boost for the series. There are niggles but I still think it has flair and its origin structure papers over some cracks.
Into Darkness-
The foundation weakens in this po faced misfire. Anything interesting is automatically undermined and most of it is a re-hash of Star Trek 2 with no subtlety.
Beyond-
Very good but in my opinion not great return to form that I think needed some more polishing but in general a good outing that re-sets the table going ahead. Nice to see proper exploration again and that is very much in the spirit of Star Trek.
More Posts from Emiguess and Others
Pre-Nups and the Pope- A Poem for Exit Strategy
A little while ago the talented duo Leah Hearne and Eszter Nemethi asked me to contribute a poem to their excellent genre-straddling piece of work entitled "Exit Strategy". It deals with the theme of people having escape plans from situations and aspects of their lives. Given the title "Pre-Nups and the Pope" and a loose idea of what the play was about I went to create something flippant and word play heavy. I tried to structure it a little like a song, even though I know that some of the phrasing would make that next to impossible but it's why I added a "chorus" of sorts and a "bridge part"! It was also to see if I could find enough rhymes for "Pre-nups". The poem, alas, did not make the play but I'm proud enough of it, so I present it here instead.
While some people like to see how things will play out, Others even at beginnings always have a way out, Despite a strong mind or any designations, People are resigned to their many resignations People will risk some damaged cred to escape from this, their marriage bed
But when it comes to leaving others get on their box of soap We all live in a world of half filled cups and those who mope a world of pre-nups and the Pope. You think half way through surgery the Doctor skips out? Or that a sea captain is in a hurry to leave his vessel once it ships out? It is a truism to sing that a winner would never quit Truer wisdom is something to which you must fully commit If people are ready to try and opt out Couldn't that be just nothing more than a cop out?
But when it comes to an exit some people just say "Well nope", We all live in a world of hang ups and those who can't cope a world of pre nups and the Pope.
When you make a promise you stick with it to the bitter end, If you're honest you shouldn't be quick with it to run out my friend Despite a Holy and divine Edict He was still able to resign that Benedict You think if Jesus had said "Anyone instead of me!" He would have been waiting around in the Garden of Gethsemane!
Of the human condition this is but a recurring trope Everything is a potential prison and we all look beyond our scope to see whats what's up in this kaleidoscope in this world of pre nups and the Pope
(Bridge part)
Following a Crowd, before ducking out A situation that is probably sucking out your time and your very own space When you were a kid, did you ever leave a race?
There should always been a safety net But bravery usually means "not safe yet" You're turning your back on faith, well that's just atheism You're running out on your country, where's your patriotism? It doesn't matter if you're a fool or a prodigy Everyone is after their very own exit stratey.
And we all in our various ways go through this type of thing in these precarious days We all walk the tightrope Don't look down at the sheer drops or the steep slope Oh dear, the pre nups and the Pope! Authors Note: Exit Strategy have set up a fundit to take their production to Dublin. Support it if you can here: http://www.fundit.ie/project/exit-strategy-to-dublin-fringe-festival
The Clock Doctor
I want to hide in an old house
want to lie curled on that kitchen bench
I need to taste the rain, collecting on your hair
I need your voice to wish away the lookalike ghosts
the last few years is the reflection of a laugh
we shared in cruel haste and curtailed sunshine
kept for you, if not by design,
than at least by my own shaky hand
and when we sat together, how intimate was the arc
that we drew
how the crowd would leave us be How even the most ill informed person
just knew
go back to the wilderness seat
return to that most unsure state of grace
I will not season any of the blunt sentiments the thud of every decision, good and bad have equal weight.
at least give me her in the brief encounter and the poor
resolution of a dream
Let me frame her in that uncertain geography.
Ad verse effects
A friend of mine once told me that "poetry makes him feel ill". Some of the more common conditions like influe-stanza and Janedice or Poe-mentation of the skin are well known but here is a selection of some poetic ailments and injuries that really meter to people.
Tennyson Elbow-
Byron any further injury, this should sort itself out in no time. Kipling Arthritis- A Rud-Yard stick for every other condition one might face Ben(t) Jonson- It can happen to every man and not in his humerus. Will...em...Shakes Appear?- Carry a medical Bard on your person at all times
Robert Frost-bite - The Road Not Prescribed.
Walt Whiplash- Mobility is the soul of Whit
Plath feet When feet get Hughes and swollen.
Auden-iometry trouble W.H.at are you saying to me??
Severe Back Twain
When life gives you Clemens, make lemonade.
Conrad Aching
It's a Pulmonary Symbolism.
For Seamus
Upon the eve of the darkening hue While the greens deepen and the deprived insects rustle, There is now a figure featureless set against a slanted sky. I noted a steady breeze as it was thread through the horizon-less cloud and the air transmuted to a single voice. Its nervous quality borne of surprise Knowing there is no silence rich enough. The shoreline rests upon an empty seabed We will fill the space with the right words, Before returning to the interrupted paths he knew well. the sweep of thorns, When daily toil brushed up against eternal question. A shifting landscape stands still in a soft dusky ardour over the wordsmith, gone on ahead. We peer in from outside immortality.
without title There's something brutal and special, beautiful and brittle about such a restorative rebuttal. it's not subtle, and it's not supple but it is super suitable to that of the more malleable millennial. and i guess it's just the perennial and the parental the supplemental instead of the fundamental and the more cruelly critical if deemed considerable well that's just atypical, anatomically analytical of the abominable and the abysmal why be miserable in the denial of any sort of miracle when the possible and the palatable are positively powerful and it's not tyrannical to demand change, be vocal champion local, detest bigotry and the unhelpful be hopeful, I dread to think of the dreadfully incapable You can't argue with a fanatical the odds of changing their minds is astronomical and I've never been all that mathematical but we shouldn't need a funeral to become spiritual, communal It's sad that such a grim ritual has become so habitual maybe these things will change in steps that are gradual and be wary of awful views that can border on the cusp of the casual Be mindful of plights around you that could be invisible. Signs in protests don't need to be grammatical or practical they can hang with questions rhetorical they can talk about topics regrettable With truth don't take a morsel Consume the mouthful believe me the respect will be mutual they can also blaze with power irrevocable and words wilfully wise could be deemed unpractical or whimsical Be the well read and readily available rascal Goodness should be commonplace not something special.and it should be placed alongside the cerebral and the celestial. I suspect anyone who boasts about being a radical gentle condescension lacking in truer comprehension a gent in a monocle lecturing the man in a shackle. Ideas of course are critical but hey let's just spitball and make sure we are never cynical, I want to look back from death inevitable and know from the break of the umbilical I was moral and I was ethical and that vicious things when all is final do die out and virtue is the thing that is cyclical
Half Past Danger, Long Past time
Half Past Danger Issue #1 - Review by Emmet O'Brien Torn from every cliffhanger comic strip, blessed with the same breathless energy as a matinee serial and full of dynamic energy, Stephen Mooney's Half Past Danger is an absolute delight and easily one of the most fun comics being put out at the moment. It's the province of pulp to throw element after element at you and for any thrill seeking heart a comic that packs in retro hi-jinx, femme fatales and "War is (Prehistoric) Hell" asides will charm a particular sort of reader. Comics can be so dour and psychological these days, deconstructing but not celebrating. Now I must admit, my own particular sensibilities run alongside this tonal tornado as a kid weaned on, Indiana Jones, Tintin, The Phantom, Ka-Zar, Doc Savage and their ilk and despite a resolutely Irish hero in HPD's Tommy Flynn the DNA is easy to isolate as being of a very American flavoured action story. It's the Irish aspect that adds a little extra spice to this brew of disparate action tropes. The story of an Army Squad coming face to face with dinosaurs while on patrol on an isolated Japanese Island, the book is fast paced and dangerous, a tricky thing to establish legitimate peril while having a tongue very much in its cheek but it succeeds with roguish aplomb. If anything almost too much happens, Flynn finds himself traumatised after the Jurassic jaunt and is drowning his sorrows in New York when he is approached by two mysterious British military types, one being a Steve Rogers-esque bruiser while the other is an alluring dame. Pitched at a hyper real level with Mooney's art at its current apex (we can only imagine the more settled he becomes in this world, the even more vibrant the art will become) this is the sort of comic I have been waiting for, for a very long time. Beautifully punched up with Jordie Bellaire's superlative colouring skills, further adding a timeless old world sheen, one can get lost in the tones and textures of the mad-cap world Flynn has to navigate through. With just enough intrigue to hook but not overwhelm and spectacle aplenty, this is derring-do, daringly done right. Keep up to date with Half Past Danger and the talented Stephen Mooney through his site. http://www.halfpastdanger.com/
A Wilde Day from the Off or an Off Day from the Wilde
As the mid afternoon Sun took its ascendancy in an otherwise grey sky Oscar Wilde staggered into a tavern. The great writer was looking the worse for wear after having put the "deca" into decadence, with ten straight nights of drunken revelry behind him, he had finally crashed and the hangover which plagued his fertile brain seemed more important right at that moment, than anything particularly earnest.
The pub was sparsely populated, an old man was sleeping, his head near a low hanging lantern and two men were laughing amongst themselves in the corner. Slumping down on the counter Oscar Wilde barked a drink order startling the bartender. This tavern worker was more accustomed to an elegant Wilde requesting a drink with no less than his customary lingual guile. This flat shout would win the great orator no fans. "You feeling alright Mr. Wilde?" the barkeep inquired, a note of quiet worry in his voice. Wilde let out an unintelligible wheeze in reply before burying his head in his palms. "What is wrong?" the barman asked, all social niceties dropping away as his concern mounted. "Today...my good barkeep. I just wish to play the game of silence. I have no insights, no pithy observation, just the black oblivion of closing my eyes to ward off the aches in my head." Just then, two customers that were off in the corner of the bar perked up upon recognising WIlde. The first man loudly posed the question to his compatriot. "It's that fella aint it? The witty writer. Tell him your story Gus" "Ha, yes. I'd love to know what an innalectual like him would say about it." They bounded over to the bowed Wilde with great enthusiasm, Jack giving him a mighty slap on the back as he neared. "Ozcar Wilde aint ya? I know a face when I see it." Wilde raised his head slightly, a disinterested look greeting the pair. "Gentleman..." Jack interrupted. "My friend here Gus, he's got a good story about the local constabulary courting one of them actors dressed as a lady. He stole from the big nosed fella, you know the one in books. Leonardo De Bergerac is it...?"
"Cyrano, " the barkeep corrected, his gaze still downward on a glass he was wiping. "Tell him the story Gus!!" "Gentleman," Wilde cleared his throat. "Let me stop you right there. I do not wish to be made aware of the wandering eye of a Policeman nor the gender confusion he suffered upon his wooing. I do not wish to hear of a crooked Judge absconding with a grey squirrel or whatever fanciful tales you wish me to comment upon. All I crave is the calm of a quiet pub and the ceasing of the the loud music in my brain. This is but a modest request for solitude." The pair were silent for a moment. Gus began, "So you see, this local officer has a flair for the ladies, well most of the time he does. But see with this..."
Wilde let out a groan.
The barman took no notice of the story and directly addressed Oscar. "But the wall my good sir". He motioned to the back wall of the bar which had much writing upon it. "I know, barkeep," Wilde replied his voice a soft rumble. "My witticisms dot that wall and have kept me in much fine ale over the seasons but today will have to pass without a sip from that fount. I am bereft of the muse. She has left me." Jack chimed in. "The muse has gone, left him for someone who a-muses her!" He left out a great chuckle at this, happy with his half stab at a quip. "Put that on you wall." "The wall isn't for quotes adjacent to Oscar Wilde! It's for quotes from the great man!" Gus replied. "Well look at him. He's in no fit state to be wise. So we're going to fill in." "Oh Posterity, how she weeps." said Wilde, his face buried in his hands once again. Gus and Jack began to look around and were mumbling. "Something hum'erus, something funny..." "Oh! Oh! The wife, the other day was complaining about a candlestick and I says to her, I says, sometimes love you really get on my wick." There was no response from the barkeep or the writer. "Yeah, yeah," Jack continued, "But still you carry a torch for her!" They stood began beaming at their impromptu double act. "This wit stuff is easy," Jack declared. "Somewhere my good gentleman, in some crotty attic, there hang portraits of you getting progressively more irritating."
"Well sorry Ossie," Gus retorted. "We're just trying to liven up an otherwise dull day." They slumped back to their corner seats, deflated at the poor response their antics had garnered. The barkeep leaned in. "You're going to lose your streak though. You have never darkened the doors of this establishment without spinning some words to wisdom." Wilde spoke up. "Streaks are like...windows...I mean...Comets. Streaks are...Streaks are...arrrgh". The barkeep sighed. "Well I need to put something up there." Wilde was becoming incensed."Put nothing. Put silence." Disheartened, the barkeep looked around for some ink to add something to the quotes wall. Finding only a golden yellowy ink his son had used to colour in a picture of the Sun, he took it to the wall and flatly wrote: On this, the 15th Day of the Month October, Silence- Oscar Wilde. The barman walked back behind the bar and began busying himself. WIlde eyed up his handiwork and muttered "Hmm, Silence is golden". There came the faint sound of the cracking of a lantern followed by a loud shriek as the sleeping old man returned to consciousness with the top of his head ablaze! A badly corked champagne bottle behind the barman slipped falling at an angle and began soaking Oscar and the barkeep. The local constabulary, who had a big enough nose himself it must be said, fell in the door of the tavern, his arms around an obviously male person dolled up to pass as a woman. They both fell to the floor. Suddenly a noise came from a less that reputable boudoir upstairs and an entire bedding structure crashed through the roof of the tavern, landing square in the room with a mighty thud. It was a local politician in bed with what seemed like, four pigs. Gus, Jack and the barman all looked at Wilde to note this unusual set of circumstances which had occurred all around them. Wilde just stared with a mouth agape, his hair getting wetter and bubblier from the still spraying champagne. Gus nudged Jack looking to the new bed in the room. "I hate it when our politicians just farm things out like that." Writers note: Obviously this is not the etymology of the famous "Silence is Golden" phrase but I like to think that even when he said nothing at all Oscar Wilde still provided plenty of gold!
Well, for Starters...
Amy and Mark had several reservations as they entered the establishment. A tray of champagne glasses bubbling over with resentment glided by them as they were approached by a well dressed man. "We have smoking or non-smoking seething. Which would you prefer?" Mark looked at Amy. "Well her constant smoking is a factor so put us there in smoking. We wanna make a real meal of this." The well dressed man smugly added. "That's our job, Sir. Welcome to Bickerings, known throughout the country for it's fine quizz-ine." "We could have just had this out at home, Mark," Amy sternly said. The couple were being led to their table. "If we're going to have a proper argument we might as well do it in a five star row-staurant which is what Bickerings is, "Mark retorted. "Let's just try and have some fun here." Amy sighed as she pulled up her seat. Looking around she noticed a number of sobbing couples and a few others completely in silence. "Spend all this money to just sit in silence. That's a good thing?!" Mark didn't reply as he was already perusing the menu. Amy picked up hers and began to scan it. "Hmm...infidelity is never rare...that's sort of funny..." Mark saw a chance for first blood. "But it can be well done!" Amy glared at him. "I'm not sure I have the right appetite tonight. Destruction doesn't look all that appealing," Mark was wondering aloud, not really addressing his dinner date. "I'm going to have the salad," Amy flatly said. "I hear they use some of the finest olive vitriol around for it." A waitress walked over to them. "Hi, my name is Tiffany, Tiff for short. I'll be waiting on you this evening. If you'd care to look at our specials. We have fresh recriminations, chicken bones of contention and of course our famed Fracas bar which is located to my left or if you wish to argue with me, to your right." Mark addressed her. "I know revenge and all that serving cold stuff, but I'd rather it hot. Any suggestions?" "Well, we could bring it out when your conversation is getting more heated or we could have the meat roasted on a spat!" "Hmmm...I don't know," Mark mulled. "I do have a real beef with this woman but I don't want it overdone. Ro-Misery cooking doesn't do it for me. I'll stick with plain revenge. Straight up." Tiff smiled and handed another menu. "The resign list?" Mark took it while Tiff looked at Amy. "Salad was it?" "Yes, with some rude barbs." Tiff corrected her, "Do you mean Rhubarb?" Amy nodded. "Just a pint of Bitter for me then." "And a drink for you Miss?." "Faultless to a tea, thank you." Their first (dis)course were some insults they skewered each other with. Amy was unhappy with the belittle portions but didn't make any more of a scene than the two were already making. Their main coarse was intense. Mark had to send back his first piece of revenge as it was raw. He settled with the second piece even if it was a little undercooked. Tapping a nearby table he asked. "We got some wounds here, but no salt. Could we trouble you for some of yours?" Over the meal a lot was aired but this was no mere food fight. This was Dinner breaks all. The sort of argument that chews up a couple and then spits them out. They scoffed at one another before they scoffed down some more food. During a break in the hostilities and as a palate cleanser they decided to engage in perfectly civil chat. Mark laughed."I've heard such good things about this place. It's way nicer that that old dump we'd go for a little bite, I mean fight. What was that placed called?" "Oh yeah Quarrels. I don't know, it had a nice in your face quality. The Anger-biance there was second to none." It wasn't long, though it felt like an eternity like most arguments do, before they had im-gibed enough drink and devoured enough food for thought and were onto their just desserts. Having had their fill of each other they got up to leave Bickerings and as they were making their way out, Mark noted, "It's a bit steep. But we've had too many disagreements tonight. We won't dispute the bill." Amy replied, "I hear they like when people do that though!" As they neared the door they came across the well dressed man once again. It was clear he was the Haître d' of the place. "Finest fight we have ever had! Thank you! My compliments and complaints to your staff." The Haître d' just sneered. "Well, what else would you expect from a 5 Star location such as Bickerings? We're hardly Fast Feud!"
The Smoking Pun
Conversation was dead. His body was slumped over his chair when the the lights came back on. Silence was in his element, grinning but despite him enjoying the situation, it wasn't clear if he was the murderer. The last thing anyone remembered before the black out was a heated conversation about a burning issue, that of smoking. Cigar had piped in with his view while Pipe tried to get the last word. He was close but no Cigar. As master of ceremonies Conversation had been trying to be fair to all parties. He kept the language clean since Nico was still a tine-ager but when it came to the issue of Cigarettes all the relevant parties were lacking the proper social filters. "Smoking kills," Theory proclaimed,"And there lies the proof!" "Any idea who the murderer could be?" Query was concerned. She had been asking a lot of questions lately and nobody liked that very much. Theory flailed around the room while pontificating loudly. "What we need to do is find out the final quip before Conversation died. We track down that sense of humour and we find the culprit!" Everyone stayed quiet. The scene had been a mess of people shouting their views and trying to come across as more important than they were by blowing smoke. "We never should have invited that man Tobacco and his 'Lobbyists' to this get together," Count Finite, the Lord of the Manor sighed, speaking to his trophy girlfriend, a model by the name of Tally Marks. "I believe Tobacco is involved in organised crime!" Tally was all set with her rich paramour but couldn't resist some idle gossip. "Well honey, I've spoken to Tobaccos wife InHayley and she seemed very passive in general, even the fact that she heard second hand about this party tells you something. I'm not so sure she knows what her husband is up to. Total smokescreen." Theory was concerned about his ability to solve this crime. He was just a layman, a working Theory, not a definite Explanation. He had failed those exams, because he could find any references or cite himself. "Everyone had a reason to kill Conversation, the guy never shut up," he wondered aloud. "Slip of the Tongue had tried to slip out earlier but that was just cause she was having an affair and was afraid she'd incriminate herself. Why she ever left Schtum is beyond me but I guess she didn't like being a kept woman." Suddenly the lights went out again and Theory was stabbed. "That's one theory eliminated," came a chilling voice from the darkness. His body dropped to the floor but this time the killer had been less careful. His first smoking pun that had killed the conversation had been said in a mysterious tone. The exact line was "That's just how Mr. Tobacco rolls..." followed by Conversations final gasp. No-one could figure out the identity or even the gender of the voice. But happy with his quip about Theory, the murderer had let a slightly grand accent come through and a tone which was distinctly snooty. As the lights came back up, the whole crowd turned to the same person. It was such a cliche, they were annoyed with themselves that they hadn't thought of it already. Who was always being picked on by Conversation when he was making jokes? Who had, due to his past been led ashtray and had definite loyalties to Tobacco and Smoking in general? It was so obvious, the evidence could match nobody else. The Butt-ler had done it.
In the Event of Being Unliked
The Facebook status felt a chill as he stood out there, naked and unloved. While people played "Tag" all around him he was just a single sentence adrift amongst all this information. His best friend had recently taken a tumblr and wasn't feeling himself after having been reformatted and his other friend who said he needed "myspace" had all but vanished. "It's Complicated" whispered to him, "Don't worry man, someone will come along..." The Event Page was having a ball with all his friends and began heckling the lonely status. "Allow me to 'share' some home page truths to you my new friend. The page will scroll up and you'll soon be forgotten! Might as well learn to accept your fate, it'll be...refresh-ing! Ha!" The Event laughed as he sent out more and more invites. The Status thought for a moment. "Soiree, are you addressing me?" The Event shot back, "What if I am?" An RSVP took pity on the Status, "Ah come on Event, leave him alone." Event snarled, "No! This is just a phrase I have to go through!" He turned his attention back to the Solitary sentence. "You've been up since when? According to the text beside you, '2 Hours ago' and nobody has been paying attention. After a few links and not to mention photos you think anyone will care about you, you little quip-squeek?! You'll soon be so low profile you won't even appear on the profile!" Nearby Videos began buffering in social awkwardness, a few Birthdays disappeared off their calendars and even some pages failed to load. Event was a big deal and no-one felt they could "comment" upon his nastiness. The Status paused for a moment and he considered his exact wording. "You've been so busy hyping yourself up, you haven't even read my body language have you?" The Event began to focus on the actual words that made up the Status. Sorry everyone, really busy so party is cancelled. The Event recoiled in shock as the words sank in. "If it's any consolation, the reason nobody liked me was they were really looking forward to seeing you. I hope that brings some small measure of comfort." The Event began to panic. "Maybe I'll be re-scheduled. Maybe this is just a postponement!!" He looked for comfort from the Attendees but they all turned away. None of them wanted anything to do with him. Even the Venue had changed. It was then Event noticed a floating arrow begin to fly around his once vast social empire. "You know," he said, his voice now nothing but a faint croak, "I'll even miss the 'Maybes'." He cursed the cursor as his details faded and he was...cancelled. Some time passed and a healthy conversation had begun to form under the Status. From the gist of the comments it seemed like no-one would have actually been able to make the party after all. The final comment on his post was the 73rd. It was a good number to reach. The Status had lived a good life. He was ready for the "sign out."
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