Latest Posts by emo-nightmare-without-the-emo - Page 4

The people who love you Really Do love you. Your friends don’t secretly hate you. You matter to people. You are loved. Learn to believe it even if you think it isn’t true.

May 2020 Illustrations ヽ(• ‿ •)ノ

Audio please 🔉

Strange and massive objects plow near the moon, captured on amateur film from Quebec, Canada. (26.03.2020).

Person A: *talking about the French Revolution* And there was a popular way of killing people back then.

Person B: Being shot!

Person A: No *slowly slides finger over neck*

Person B: Poison!

Person C: *Visibly confused* Decapitation?!

reblog if you’re bi, support bi people, or just really like swords

That was a wild year

Seems like everybody forgot that part of 2016 where literal clowns would chase people around with knives and no one really did anything about it

‘God has a lot to answer for and my rebellion will continue until he does so’ is such a badass quote and it’s from a tumblr post about someone wanting to dip a clementine in ranch.

It’s okay if the most significant thing you did this year was get through it

stanley barber is stanley uris but unhinged 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I’ve been told: 

That I’m a ‘straight invader’, 

That I’m ‘going through a phase’

That I’m ‘really gay’ and ‘suffering from internal homophobia’

That what happened to me ‘wasn’t conversion therapy’

That my identities are ‘disgusting’ and ‘a threat to children’

Examples of who it was a phase for to ‘prove’ it’s a phase for me as well

That if I don’t ‘admit’ most if not all people like me are ‘gay with internal homophobia’ gay children will hate themselves for years thinking they’re my identities instead of gay

That the rape and murder of gay people is my fault

That I ‘steal resources’ from gay people

That I’m lying about being sexually assaulted ‘for attention’ as my identities are ‘attention seeking’ so I shouldn’t be trusted

That if I go to pride I’m ‘invading’ a space that doesn’t belong to me

That every bit of abuse that happened to me because of my identities either ‘didn’t happen’ or ‘didn’t count’ as oppression 

‘Why do you want to be oppressed so badly?’

I’m talking about being bi and trans, but I see every one of these things said to ace and aro people on a daily basis.

My name is Aeill

So this doesn’t have anything to do with fandoms but I felt like posting it.

I really wish more cis allies understood this: if a trans people lies to you about being trans, it’s probably not to be malicious or deceitful and probably more because we don’t want to be harassed or murdered.

Please spread the awareness

Reblogs are highly appreciated <3

why did we stop drawing ridiculous looking sea monsters on our maps after we chartered the world's oceans. what did you do to my boys.

*eternal screaming*

A unicorn but with an eye where its horn should be and horns where its eyes should be.

Yes! This’d be so cute.

I feel like stormpilot wouldn’t be a spectacular reveal if it goes canon. I feel like it will be by accident, like Poe and finn hugging after Poe gets back and accidentally kissing and Poe pulls back and starts apologizing but finn just pulls him back into another kiss

What is this show for the uneducated?

I adore this show more than life itself.

Good For You - Dear Evan Hansen - 1.31.18 

Taylor Trensch as Evan, Nicole Van Giesen as Heidi, Ben Levi Ross as Jared

If you think I’m seeing Connor and Zoe push Evan, who is inside a tire, off a hillside while Jared records then you are completely right. That’s exactly what I’m seeing.

(🎥 by jstrakertroublemaker on instagram)

Evan, Heidi, Alana, and Jared in Good For You

I really like assessing how these characters feel and their deeper emotions, especially when relating to this specific song. It demonstrates many different aspects of every single one of these characters, so why not make an analyzation? 

EVAN: 

Let’s start off with Evan. Good For You begins with the fight between Heidi and Evan after leaving the Murphy’s. Heidi is outraged that Evan’s been spending all this time with the Murphy family, and Evan’s response is to argue that Heidi is never there. Some people say Evan behavior here is really shitty and while I do think that his actions aren’t that good of decisions, we can really understand where they come from. I’m positive that Evan has an intense fear of abandonment. He fears that the people in his life will one day decide that he’s not good enough for them and leave him behind. (This most likely originated from his father leaving at a young age.) He’s terrified that he’s just a burden to his mom and that her life would be much better if he wasn’t there. This fear causes him to refuse to bond with his mom. He doesn’t want to create a connection or tell her his problems because she already has so much going on with work and classes. This is evident when Evan expresses that he thinks Heidi believes Evan is the worst thing that ever happened to her. (She denies this of course). This is also fueled by the fact that Heidi didn’t know of Evan’s broken arm until he was in the hospital. Heidi didn’t respond to Evan’s calls. This wasn’t her fault of course, she was at work. And even though Evan most likely knew this, it’s hard to shake off the fact that maybe…that wasn’t the case. His anxiety can cause him to overthink and he jumps to the conclusion that he really is just a burden to her, which is part of what caused him to let go in the first place. On the other side, he gets validation from the Murphy’s. It’s almost like the Murphy’s actually like him, even though it is all based on a lie. It’s like he’s a part of the perfect family. Evan finds false comfort in that. He really is good at heart and though he did bad things, we can really see where he’s coming from. 

A note on his treatment towards Jared, it really isn’t his fault. Evan is under the impression that Jared only hangs out with him for car insurance, that he doesn’t really consider him a friend. That has a huge affect on Evan, since Jared is really the only friend he’s got. So when he lashes out, he thinks Jared won’t care what Evan thinks of him, because why would he? (Of course, Jared has his reasons for doing these things as well, More of him below). 

Now for Evan in the actual song. He expresses extreme panic with his few lines. We can see how overwhelmed Evan really is with all the chaos the lying has brought. It’s taken a huge toll on him and he just wants to get out. He wants to erase everything and take back all these lies. But it’s not that simple. Evan’s newfound confidence that starts to shine throughout act II begins to break down as he realizes the affects of his actions. 

Heidi:

Heidi’s feelings are the most obvious, given that she has the most lines in the song. She just found out her son has been spending all his time with this family she doesn’t even know. She believes Evan thinks she isn’t good enough for him. She thinks Evan wants to escape her, while Evan is afraid of Heidi thinking the same thing about him. Evan was the best thing that ever happened to her, and he’s leaving now. Heidi is outraged at the lies her son has been telling her about where he’s been (and this is before the big reveal in words fail). 

Alana: 

For most of the musical, Alana’s been a relatively positive character. She seems well put together and hardworking, but it is revealed to the audience that she’s struggling as well. Her symptoms of high-functioning anxiety are much more obvious to the audience, given that she does sing some of Waving Through A Window in Act One. But her issues are technically revealed during Good For You, after Heidi’s singing. Evan questions why Alana is even a part of the Connor Project, angry and unable to see any possibilities other than her wanting something to put on her resumé. Alana debunks this, stating that she knows what it feels like to be alone and like know one can see you, just like Connor did. She then remarks how Evan used to know how that felt like too. This shows a feeling of anger towards Evan and how he disregards her feelings. She’s almost jealous that Evan was able to realize that he wasn’t alone in this and find solace. She thinks Evan doesn’t care anyone but himself, which isn’t true, but Alana doesn’t know that of course. “Do you even care that you might be wrong? Was it fun? Cause I hope you had a blast while you dragged me along.” 

Alana’s anxiety deserves more recognition, and more people need to realize that her sharing the note wasn’t out of malice, it was out of the sheer need to help people like Connor, people like her. 

Jared:

Jared, oh Jared. Throughout the musical, he’s the sarcastic, funny character. The token asshole. Or so you think. It’s obvious to most viewers/listeners (more obvious in the actual production than the soundtrack itself) that Jared is putting up a mask of false confidence. He acts cool and put together while he is actually deeply insecure. He doesn’t know how to communicate his actual feelings to Evan, instead telling him they’re only “family friends” so he can get his car insurance. Jared doesn’t know how he’s making Evan feel when he says these things. He could possibly be thinking that Evan just interprets them as what they are, jokes. He fails to realize that Evan believes Jared doesn’t care for him. When Evan yells at Jared during one of the Good For You cutaway scenes, his real feeling show, but the aggression that Jared uses to cope is still evident. Jared’s “Fuck you Evan! Asshole!” isn’t just anger. His voice trembles, quivers. He sounds like he’s about to cry, or is already crying. He thinks Evan doesn’t care about him. They both really have the same problem and are unable to communicate what they’re feeling to one another. Some people are unable to see Jared’s inner struggles and disregard that part of him, only seeing the shitty things he did having bad intentions. It doesn’t excuse his actions, but as with all the deh characters, you can really see where Jared is coming from.

top ten jared & evan interactions in the deh novel

honorable mention) the following texts sent to evan by jared:

“you’re the best. i really mean that.”

“grapefruits. your balls are the size of grapefruits. how do you walk around with those things in your pants?”

“i was going to text you.”

10) jared quoting amy winehouse in an email and evan making him take it out (“that’s a song.” “a great song.”)

9) evan claiming he could probably figure out how to backdate the emails on his own and jared throwing time zone technobabble at him to convince him that he still needs jared’s help

8) evan asking jared to meet him at connor’s wake

7) evan reassuring jared immediately post-words fail that he didn’t tell anyone about jared’s involvement in the lie, and then texting jared nine times in a row to apologize and ask if they’re good

6) jared and evan’s text conversation about evan being too busy with the connor project to hang out with jared that weekend abruptly turning into a face-to-face discussion, which is one of the few changes made to canon by the novel that i actually appreciated. can you imagine the effort jared had to make to appear right in front of evan at the perfect point in their conversation? do you really think a straight man could achieve that drama? that panache? that power?

5) jared requesting to be referred to as the tech consigliere of the connor project not just on the website but in conversation, and evan telling him he’s being unreasonable but then calling him that anyway when they’re pitching tcp to the murphys, without even being reminded

4) evan telling jared about what happened at the first dinner with the murphys - to be specific, the moments right before evan tells jared about what’s happened when he’s reflecting on why he always comes to jared with new developments, as follows: “Jared is the only person in the entire world who has even the slightest appreciation for where I am. I’m floating through space and he’s the voice in my earpiece from central command. I might not agree with his tactics, but without him, there’s a good chance I may never get back home.” val emmich wrote that and they LET him

3) jared arriving in the school cafeteria with the buttons of connor’s face, which leads to the following moments:

evan seeing jared’s arms spread and immediately taking it as an invitation for a hug. how long has he wanted to hug jared?

jared telling evan “i’m trying to show you something” and immediately pointing to his heart

jared’s exit from and zoe’s entrance to the scene being described with the phrase “jared saunters off and zoe takes his place”

2) the scene between them in the hallway on the first day of school, in which the conversation from the musical plays out mostly unchanged but evan’s internal monologue is completely focused on how he’s known jared for years and spent so much time with him and misses the memories of when they hung out together and can tell that jared’s attempts at being Cool And Unaffected don’t always work and thinks jared is hotter than he could ever be. Jared Is A Dick, But He’s My Dick

1) every single line of jared and evan’s estrangement and reconciliation, from “you would have thought we were ex-lovers the way we tiptoed around each other,” to jared appearing out of nowhere (again) to give evan a ride, to evan musing about how good jared looks (again), to “it took a second to remember the way we were,” to evan realizing how much he’d missed jared and that jared was always trying to save him from himself, to “and my role was to be our moral compass,” to “i never told anyone,” to “jared and i weren’t the soldiering types, but in a way, we’d been to battle together, and there was no one else besides the two of us who knew the true depths of what we had done,” to “miracle of all miracles, jared kleinman had a heart,” you’re in a car with a beautiful boy and he won’t tell you that he loves you but he loves you!!

the “sincerely, me” scene is completely about jared and evan’s relationship and @ me about it

they’re actually alone and in the same place for once and we see evan acting more at ease and unfiltered than at any other point, unflinchingly showing the kind of behavior he later denies when trying to act like his own notion of his Ideal Self (“i don’t even think things that aren’t nice”), speaking up without hesitation / arguing with jared rather than trying to avoid all conflict as he otherwise does so often, slowly gradually getting into the flow of things as jared writes

similarly, jared actually enjoys engaging with evan while evan’s being this way, and he’s actually having fun and becoming genuinely engaging in the email writing as they go on

they’re getting the inspiration from the material from Somewhere, and since evan didn’t actually ever have this kind of close friendship or really know connor at all, his ideas for what the content should be are based on his ideal concept of himself and his ideal concept of what a friendship should be like, which, the relevance of that to him and jared is Right There

nobody ever acknowledges it but jared has also gotta be projecting his own desires onto this story they’re creating. evan’s probably dictating his half of the emails but imo the strong implication is that connor’s emails are all jared’s creations. he’s aware of how little either of them really know about connor and is never trying to fill in these blanks / make assumptions about who connor was, and yet it’s a bit unlikely he’s just constructing this “evan’s best friend who was totally close to him and it was all great” material on the go from like, thin air. he’s playing off of evan’s material and responding to it with dialogue to suggest caring about evan and enjoying their relationship and their interactions. if you stop and consider that jared has real thoughts and feelings beyond the front he puts up and filter he uses, it’s Right There that jared is using those real thoughts and feelings as inspiration to create an adequately convincing Exchange Between Evan And His Close Friend.

while evan and jared and RPing this close friendship with each other via Fake Evan and Fake Connor, they both get more in sync with each other. i mean for example you have the writing come to a halt while they argue back and forth about whether it can be gay, whereas towards the end evan throws in another No Homo and connor, aka jared, just seamlessly rolls with it at that point

speaking of, jared is out here saying he thinks the idea of The Love That One Man Feels For Another is beautiful. yeah he says “some would say there’s something quite beautiful” but since when is jared ever Not assigning his own feelings to a theoretical third person. everything he says is totally “i’m a closeted high schooler” and he’s really out there pushing to write an RP with evan as his secret lover. everything that seems gay about Sincerely, Me is thanks to jared, because he is in love with evan.

the fact that jared gets so enthused as the fake exchange they’re writing—which is supposed to be an exchange between Evan’s Best Self and Evan’s Best Friend but is actually an indirect exchange between evan and jared—really gets into a flow, that by the end he’s enjoying writing the emails when just before he was all Are We Done Yet

this is such a high point for them that jared spends the rest of the play wanting to recreate more of this sort of interaction with evan, if you don’t believe me believe will roland, and also the content that’s right there in canon as jared keeps chasing evan’s attention however he can for the rest of the play, e.g. getting on board with tcp, engaging with him in ywbf like he does, offering to be more involved when evan says they don’t need him, inviting him to hang out, throwing out the Truth of how evan’s benefitting from the situation b/c he knows it’ll make evan pay attention to him and it does, tfw you’re just casually willing to do anything for the chance of getting to have a good time interacting with your boy again, nbd

i’ll say it again and say it anytime, re: his own contributions to the emails evan is just further constructing this fantasy of Not having to feel alone, and jared is getting to play the part of “a friend who is close to evan,” and everything that seems gay is due to jared being in love with evan; this song is kleinsen because canon is kleinsen, thanks

“sincerely, me” as a title is obvs a Good One cuz it’s all full of lies but also b/c both jared and evan are so rarely truly Sincere. including here, since in terms of “these are real emails and things were really like this” they’re being dishonest, but as an exchange between evan and jared in which they use their own thoughts / ideas to write the material, they’re getting to channel their own desires in a way that’s more honest than usual, since the idea that they’re Only Pretending actually gives them both the opportunity to feel safer actually being more open with their feelings about how Being Close With (A Friend)/(Evan) should ideally go

if “sincerely, me” isn’t about jared and evan’s relationship then explain why the reprise juxtaposes with the earlier scene to show how their relationship is now very obviously fragmenting further. that’s all the scene is about. jared is wanting evan’s attention, now outright putting himself in the emails just to be that much more Obvious, then trying to make evan jealous about nonexistent other friends, then offering to help with tcp in other ways, then reminding evan that his dating zoe is weird b/c it’s thanks to evan pretending to be connor’s friend, then reminding evan that maybe he’s doing other messed-up self-benefitting things re: connor’s death, and that maybe he shouldn’t be brushing jared off over and over. and even after all that jared’s risking it all and outright inviting evan over just to share an empty house and drink. and then being driven away by seeing zoe kiss evan. it’s all very heterosexual.

sincerely, me is about jared and evan’s relationship okay

it gives jared stronger motivation to want to have more time and attention from evan

is evan ever more Genuinely Himself than when he’s alone with jared?? showing these parts of himself which he later hides to pretend to be a “better” version of himself, talking about how nobody would like him if they knew What He Was Really Like, meanwhile jared sees this more honest and genuine and less “”nice”” version of evan and likes it so much that everything he subsequently does is about trying to continue that experience and be closer to evan? Hmm? what’s that??

jared continuing to do the emails for evan and the only thing that makes him refuse is feeling personally rejected by evan? the last thing that happens before their fight in gfy, the breaking point for jared if you will, is seeing zoe kiss evan? Hmm????? and then when evan next interacts with jared, jared is upset enough to actually stand his ground and directly push back, almost directly state his feelings???? what’s that?

jared is in love with evan actually and sincerely, me is as much about this as it is about informing us “so yeah they wrote the emails btw”

@ will roland: divulge the lore!! we need your help

kleinsen is THAT real

I relate to these a bit to much.

Fine! I want to go to the callback! I was planning on playing word crush on my phone during the wedding ceremony to keep my mind off the fact that I’m single. I don’t want to go! I’m afraid to go. And on top of that, a dream come true fell into my lap scheduled on the same day—anyone would want to go to the callback! So, yeah, I tried to force myself to forget about the wedding, and now I want to lie to my friends so they don’t hate me for not supporting them. I’m a liar. I’m a liar.