Being Semi Verbal Feels Like My First Language Isn't English And I Can Barely Speck It And Form Together

Early Diagnosed Autistic peeps and Loss of Autonomy

I honestly get depressed reading my reports when I got diagnosed with autism when I was 5. Development delay, underachiever in language skills, reasoning skills, fine motor impairment, lack of speech fluency and lack of self esteem (no really I was terribly anxious).

I had interventions to improve my skills I can’t deny that. but at the cost of pathologizing me and making my mom dreadful of my prognosis. My childhood was me being aware of my pathological nature and that is traumatizing enough.

Bc I have this constant need to prove I’m able enough and I’m not too disabled that is costing too much of my mental health. I’m concerned about many today early diagnosed autistic kids. They come from a age where there is a lot of misinformation that their parents follow either to “treat their symptoms” or just to reinforce their ableist bias.

Besides that early diagnosed kids tend to have way less autonomy than their NT peers. We lose our position to speak so that our parents and institutions can speak over us in their own limited lenses. That is traumatizing. That is why you don’t hear a lot of early diagnosed kids’ perspectives. Not because they tend to be the ones with more limitations to speak as people want us to believe and there is AAC for a reason. Not just because it’s more difficult to have a ealy diagnosis. it’s ableism.

A chronic loss of autonomy and infantilization. Always being spoke over because they just keep assume that you can’t. You can’t speak for yourself. Well here is a thing. WE CAN SPEAK FOR OURSELVES.

I can. I always could given the proper accommodations. I knew what I needed to say. But after spending too much time unable to speak for myself took me a toll and now I become angry when I feel like people know better about my needs than me. Therefore, I’m perpetually mad.

my identity doesn’t have to make sense to you. when I have the energy, I don’t mind explaining, but at the end of the day it doesn’t actually matter if you understand or not. all that matters is that you accept me and respect me for who I am

I am jealous of those who think more deeply, who write better, who draw better, who look better, who live better, who love better than I.

-Sylvia Plath

I'm starting a collection

Some things I do to help manage my depression after a manic episode:

Find a good audiobook to listen to so i don't have to waste energy actually reading

Limit my time on social media

Let myself indulge in video games when I'm off work

Always have frozen foods for any meal in the freezer. I have pancakes and these honey meat and cheese crescent rolls I made for breakfast. I have random staples for other meals like diced cooked chicken, different types of veggies, mini potstickers, egg rolls, a pizza, etc

Stay stocked up with all sorts of soups. Sometimes a hot bowl of nutritious soup will set me right for an hour or so

Stretch in the morning and try to have a sip of water after

Use a water flosser and mouth wash when I don't want to brush my teeth

I like to make pasta sauce in bulk and freeze it so I always have fresh pasta sauce on hand

I make indulgent dessert teas with way too much sugar and chocolate

Make myself do a single chore a day no matter how awful it is. I sometimes cry the entire time even. Just 1 though dealers choice. I usually make the bed or do a load of laundry if I'm out of underwear

Blast music

If I feel the need to hurt myself, I do an intense workout instead

Sit in a small, dark room with a soft blanket and let myself be angry and sad and cry and kick and yell. I find being able to get the emotions out like this helps me a lot

Go to bed early and sleep in a bit

Play games on my phone instead of doomscrolling

Make myself have a glass of water in between other drinks so I can at least be semi hydrated. I get dehydrated very easy and it makes my mental worse

Give myself sweet treats as rewards. Things I normally wouldn't ever get

Go sit by the water and watch the snails or crabs walk around

Everyone is different so these things may or may not help you and that's ok. I'm just sharing things that help me. Some definitely take a lot of energy to do and I've found that pushing myself a little more every day helps me recover faster as long as it's paired with plenty of sleep and rest otherwise.

How Long Your Stories Should Be (And What Publishers Want)

First of all, thank you so much for over 8,000 followers!!

Short Story

-Under 500 Words is described as flash fiction. It’s one scene

-Between 1,000 and 8,000 Words is a short story

-Between 5,000 and 10,000 Words is as long as a short story should ever be

Novella

-A story between 10,000 and 40,000 Words

Novel

-Anything over 40,000 Words is considered a novel, but 50,000 should be the minimum amount of words you should have (If you’re trying to get published)

-Most novels are between 60,000 and 100,000 Words

-Publishers generally don’t like more than 110,000 words, unless you’re already established

Adult fiction

-Between 80,000 and 100,000 Words

Science and Fantasy

-Generally Between 90,000 and 120,000. Not abnormal to reach the 150,000 range. (It takes time to build a whole new world)

Romance Novels

-Between 50,000 and 100,000

Crime, Mysteries and Thrillers

-Between 70,000 and 90,000

Young Adult

-Between 50,000 and 80,000

Children’s Novel

-Between 25,000 to 50,000

fatima aamer bilal, from weeping flesh above the ground.

[text id: the design of this universe is so damned, // i got to hold your limp body before i got to hold your hand.]

all your stuffed animals love you. they're not sad if they're in a box, or on the floor, or not held/played with as much. they understand. they know that you might need another stuffie more, or that you don't have enough space. they're just happy to be with you, and if you ever give them away, they'll be happy there too. stuffies are for comfort. they understand. they love you too. it's okay.