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Top Vertigo

ever wanted to know what your name might be if you were a villain using the common thematic structures of ridiculous DC villains? 

wonder no more.

i am King Egg.

this is the kind of wholesome content this website desperately needs

Sometimes I’m disappointed in my family because we’re pretty boring or sometimes not because once my grandma once bit a bullie’s chest off and got them expelled

everytime I hear about children of the corn I think about the guy I met at comic con who actually lived in the town they filmed that movie at, and on the farm where they filmed in the corn. he was a teenager at the time and him and his friends would get drunk on moonshine and rustle the corn and let the air out of the tires of the production team’s trailers and shit. and now there’s Wikipedia pages about how the children of the corn set was haunted and they thought they angered god but it was really just drunk hillbillies

Italian Architects Transform Ancient Cave Into a Modern Oasis

Viktor and Yuuri aren’t the only ones going to the Pride parade, Mila and Sara are attending it too.

Good, another reason to stay indoors and be at tumblr

The Ecocapsule is a grid-free mobile home designed to accommodate two people with a bed, kitchen, living and dining space, working shower, and flushing toilet, is powered by solar and wind energy, and provides drinkable water by recycling and filtering rain. Source Source 2

Types of Divination Masterpost

A

Abacomancy: by dust or sand

Acultomancy: by needles

Aeromancy: by atmospheric conditions

Agalmatomancy: by statues

Aichmomancy: by sharp objects

Alectormancy: by rooster sacrifice

Aleuromancy: by flour

Alomancy: by salt

Alphitomancy: by barley

Alveromancy: by sound

Ambulomancy: by walking

Anemoscopy: by wind

Anthomancy: by flowers

Anthracomancy: by burning coals

Anthropomancy: by human sacrifice

Anthroposcopy: by physical appearance

Apantomancy: by chance encounters with animals

Arachomancy: by spiders

Archnomancy: by sacred relics

Ariolation: by altars

Arithmancy: by assigning numerical value to a word or phrase

Armomancy: by one’s own shoulders

Aruspicina: by studying entrails

Aspidomancy: by sitting in a drawn circle

Astrapomancy: by lightning

Astrology: by celestial bodies

Auramancy: by auras

Axiomancy: bu axes

B

Batraquomancy: by frogs

Belomancy: by arrows

Beltonism: by water current

Botanomancy: by burning sage or figs

Brontomancy: by thunder

Bumpology: by bumps on the skin

C

Canomancy: by dogs

Capnomancy: by smoke

Carromancy: by melting wax

Cephaleonomancy: by boiling a donkey’s head

Ceraunoscopy: by thunder and lightning

Ceromancy: by dripping wax in water

Chalcomancy: by striking gongs

Chaomancy: by aerial visions

Chartomancy: by things on paper

- Cartomancy: by cards

- Taromancy: by tarot

- Bibliomancy: by the Bible

- Stichomancy: by books

- Aleuromancy: by fortune cookies

- Stoicheomancy: by the Iliad and the Odyssey

Choriomancy: by pig bladders

Chresmomancy: by the ravings of lunatics

Clamancy: by cries heard in crowds or at night

Cledonism: by chance events or overheard words

Cleidomancy: by keys

Cleromancy: by casting

- Astragalomancy: by dice

- Domino Divination: by dominos

- Favomancy: by beans

- Runecasting: by runes

Cometomancy: by comet tails

Colormancy: by colors

Conchomancy: by shells

Cottabomancy: by wine in a brass bowl

Cromnyomancy: by onion sprouts

Cryptomancy: by omens

Cryomancy: by ice

Cyathomancy: by cups

Cycolicomancy: by swirling water in a cup

Cyclomancy: by wheels

D

Dactyliomancy: by finger rings

Dactylomancy: by finger movements

Daphnomancy: by burning laurel wreaths

Demonomancy: by demons

Dendromancy: by trees

Dictiomancy: by randomly opening a dictionary

Dowsing: by diving rod

Dracomancy: by dragons

Dririmancy: by dripping blood

Drimimancy: by body fluids

E

Electromancy: by electricity

Eleomancy: by oil

Entomomancy: by insects

Eromancy: by water vessels exposed to air

Extispicy: by the remains of sacrificed animals

F

Fructomancy: by fruits

G

Gastromancy: by guttural sounds

Geomancy: by earth

Geloscopy: by laughter

Gematria: by the Hebrew alphabet

Genethlialogy: by birth date

Graphology: by studying handwriting

Gyromancy: by dizziness

H

Hagiomancy: by saints

Hematomancy: by blood

Hepatoscopy: by liver

Hydratomancy: by rainwater

Hyomancy: by wild hogs

Hypnomancy: by sleep

I

Ichthyomancy: by footprints

Idolomancy: by idols

Iridology: by eye colors

K

Knissomancy: by incense

L

Labiomancy: by lips

Lampadomancy: by flame

Letnomancy: by secrets

Lithomancy: by gems or stones

Logarithmancy: by logarithms

Lychnomancy: by candles

M

Macharomancy: by swords or knives

Macromancy: by large objects

Maculomancy: by spots on the skin

Margaritomancy: by bouncing pearls

Mathemancy: by mathematics

Mazomancy: by breast feeding

Megapolisomancy: by large cities

Metagnomy: by magic

Meteormancy: by meteors

Metoposcopy: by forehead lines

Micromancy: by small objects

Molybdomancy: by molten metals

Moromancy: by foolishness

N

Necromancy: by speaking to the dead

Necyomancy: by summoning damned souls

Nephomancy: by clouds

Notarikon: by initials

Numerology: by numbers

Numismatomancy: by coins

O

Oculomancy: by eyes

Odontomancy: by teeth

Oenomancy: by wine

Ololygmancy: by the howling of dogs

Omphalomancy: by navels

Oneiromancy: by dreams

Onomancy: by letters in a name

Onychomancy: by fingernails or toenails

Oomancy: by eggs

Oromancy: by mountains

Oryctomancy: by minerals

Osteomancy: by bones

Ouija: by Ouija boards

P

Pallomancy: by pendulums

Palmistry: by the palms of hands

Papyromancy: by folding paper

Pegomancy: by fountains

Pessomancy: by pebbles

Phobomancy: by feelings of fear

Photomancy: by fields of light

Phrenology: by the configuration of one’s brain

Phyllomancy: by leaves

- Sycomancy: by fig leaves

- Tasseography: by tea leaves

Phyllorhodomancy: by rose petals

Physiognomy: by faces

Phytognomy: by the appearance of plants

Pneumancy: by blowing

Poe Divination: by throwing stones on the floor

Portenta: by natural phenomena

Pseudomancy: by false means

Ptarmoscopy: by sneezes

Pyromancy: by fire

R

Retromancy: by looking over one’s shoulder

Rhabdomancy: by rods or sticks

Rhapsodomancy: by poetry

Roadomancy: by constellations

S

Scarpomancy: by old shoes

Scatomancy: by excrement

Sciomancy: by shadows or spirits

Scrying: by gazing

- Crystal gazing: by reflective objects

- Gastromancy: by crystal ball

- Hydromancy: by water

- Catroptromancy: by mirrors

Selenomancy: by the moon

Shufflemancy: by electronic playlist

Sideromancy: by burning straw with an iron

Skatharomancy: by beetle tracks

Solaromancy: by the sun

Somatomancy: by the human form

- Cephalomancy: by skulls

- Podomancy: by the sole’s of one’s feet

- Rumpology: by buttocks

Spasmatomancy: by convulsions

Spodomancy: by soot

- Libanomancy: by incense ash

- Tephramancy: by tree bark ash

Stareomancy: by the four elements

Stercomancy: by seeds in bird excrement

Stolisomancy: by fashion

Styramancy: by patterns in chewing gum

Symbolomancy: by things found on the road

T

Technomancy: by technology

Theriomancy: by animal behaviors

Thumomancy: by one’s own soul

Topomancy: by geography or geological formations

Transataomancy: by things accidentally seen of heard

Trochomancy: by wheel ruts

Turifumy: by shapes in smoke

Tyromancy: by cheese

U

Umbilicomancy: by umbilical cords

Umbromancy: by shade

Uranomancy: by the sky

Uromancy: by urine

Urticariaomancy: by itches

V

Videomancy: by films

X

Xenomancy: by strangers

Xylomancy: by the shape or texture of wood

Z

Zygomancy: by weights

Sometimes the customer is wrong for unrelated reasons.

Due to the well of my friends’ “def not an axe murderer” date recommendations drying up, I have turned to that most sacred of modern relationship institutions: online dating. As a very busy person trying to get it in with other very busy people, I prize honestly and directness above all else when it comes to profile creation. I include full body shots in my photos, try to minimize the use of MySpace angles in selfies, and write at the very top of the summary/caption/profile that I am fat. Not “curvy,” not “thick,” not “lots to love”–I’m f*cking fat. I’m not ashamed of it, but I also known that weight is a dealbreaker for lots of people. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

About a year ago I met “Evan” via Tinder. We exchanged friendly messages for a few hours one night and agreed to meet up for drinks the following evening. I waited for a full hour past the designated time, and just as I was getting up to leave, the texts started rolling in.

“I can see you sweating from here.” “How long does it take you to roll out of bed every morning?” “Is there an earthquake or are you just getting up for more pretzels?”

Really idiotic, juvenile shit. Four separate numbers, commenting on things like my clothes, which clued me in that the senders were nearby. This went on for 15 minutes before I finally saw Evan, trying to hide in at a corner table and giggling with a group of buddies. I made eye contact, saw that he saw me, and then walked out. The texts kept up until I blocked the numbers a few hours later.

I ran into Evan about 3 weeks later. We got on the same elevator, and he tried really hard at being super interested in the emergency phone instructions. I just confronted him, and he admitted it was just some “game” that him and his friends play. He knew I was fat before agreeing to meet up; they all did, because that’s what they do. Match up with fat women, then either ghost them or “troll” them at the meet-up. It was also kinda obvious he’d never seen any consequences from this bullshit, as he was sweating pretty hard and looked more humiliated than I felt. I just said whatever and walked out, expecting to never see him again.

About a month ago, some local foodie wrote a great review of the restaurant I own, and we’ve been slammed ever since. In the past, I stayed mostly in the kitchen, but I’ve been doing more and more front-of-house stuff lately, and Valentine’s Day I was working a bit of a split between the two.

I saw Evan just as he was pushing in his date’s chair. My name isn’t on the restaurant, and he didn’t see me. I checked the section up at the hostess stand and saw that one of my favorite old-timers, Nan, was going to be his waitress. I went to the bar till, took out $400, put it in her hands, and said, “This is going to be your only table for the rest of the night. You are going to make this the worst date he has ever been on.”

She spilled every single thing she brought out to the table, all over him. I was waiting for him to blow up on Nan, but he bottled it up, obviously trying to make a good impression on his date. She seemed like a perfectly lovely lady; I told Nan to make sure everything was good for her and terrible for Evan.

She poured ice water on his d*ck. She smacked the back of his head with the edge of a tray. Spilled soup on his shirt. Dropped every fork he asked for. I personally oversalted his food, used the shit liquor for his drinks, used flour instead of sugar on his dessert. To be honest, I don’t know why he didn’t just walk out. He must have really wanted to f*ck this woman.

Finally, he cracked. Demanded Nan find the manager and bring her out. I was only too happy to emerge from the kitchen with my chef’s coat and say what, I’m not ashamed to admit, I’d been planning out all night.

“I would have said hi earlier, but I didn’t want the earthquake to disturb your dinner.”

I will savor the look on Evan’s face for the rest of my life.

He was a little too flummoxed to explain, so I pulled a chair up to the table and introduced myself to his date, Amanda. Told her how I met Evan. Showed her some fun old messages. Then I told gave her a voucher for a free meal on her next visit and told Evan to get the f*ck out and never come back.

He deleted his Tinder profile.