Enha-cai

meteor shower | lee heeseung

notes from space: series masterlist

synopsis: you and lee heeseung have broken up, but not in the best way possible. it was chaotic and full of spite, and both of you didn't talk or make contact since then. he's known to have had flings after your parting, while you kept yourself busy with school. a year later, you've heard from a friend that he was looking for you. once you came to meet him, he looked contrary to what you've expected—detached and hopeless. as someone who still had regards for him, you intervene in the most unconventional way possible—fulfilling a promise you made to him a year ago.

pairing: heeseung x female reader, small jay x reader moments here and there

genre: fluff, angst, exes to (possibly) lovers!au

warnings: mild somewhat excessive cursing, mentions of alcohol (only legal line drinks, def no underage drinking) and drugs, mentions of suicide, violence, mentions of blood, heeseung is a dickhead at first

a/n: finally the fifth installment... i loved writing this so much. the song inspiration for this is very close to my heart—cavetown's meteor shower. please give this bop a listen! also, this fic has some sort of crossover with pluto projector (jungwon's). you can go back to it here for reference! hope you enjoy!

"thinking, 'should I wait here or make my way home?', you said, 'go'."

"you're ignoring me." you spat out, glaring at the burgundy-haired boy who stood pridefully in front of you. his overall posture and expression made you let out a chuckle of disbelief. how did it come to this? "what was i supposed to do, ignore you back?"

you stood face to face with lee heeseung in the middle of an empty but well-lit soccer field. the wind blew in your face, stinging your misty eyes and making you shiver. meanwhile, the lad couldn't bear to return your gaze for the fact that he was guilty of everything that you've told him. would he admit it? no, he wouldn't.

from afar, one would think that the two of you were just having a lovey-dovey moment as closing time nears and not having a stupid fight that was about to tear the tapestry that you've tried to mend for so many times completely.

breaking his silence, heeseung "y/n, i—"

"is that how relationships work for you?" you cut his words off, not wanting to hear any more of his excuses. as much as you hated to remember it, you were taken back to ten minutes ago, when you saw with your own eyes the sight of him making out with the person he told you not to be jealous about—the queen bee, lee soojin. "mess me with that 'i can explain' bullshit, hee."

you didn't just hate cheaters, you despise them. ever since your mother decided to leave your family to become a prostitute and bring men every night even in the presence of your father, you swore to yourself that you wouldn't be associated with one. yet here you are, being failed by the man you expected to change your perspective on relationships. stupid, stupid, stupid.

"fuck it! why do you always have to beat me to it?" heeseung screamed, hands on his head. his voice echoed on the whole field and you hated it. you hated how he didn't want to admit his fault.

he knew he didn't have anything to explain, but he was determined to have the final say. he's the man after all.

"if i don't talk to you for a while, you say shit. if i blow up your phone and ask for your attention, you still say shit." heeseung's words ran like a bullet train—fast and continuous. you were literally scowling at him as he went on with his rambling, disbelieved by the way he twisted your thoughts. not wanting to waste energy fighting with you, he spread his arms in defeat, sarcastically saying "fine. might as well do whatever the fuck i want, then."

"oh, i'd gladly escort you out of my life, mr. lee." i just want the old you back. you let out a loud but painful cackle, jabbing a finger at the exit gates of the field. "we're done." hold me back, hee. stop me from what i'm about to do.

not wanting him to see you break down and look pitiful, you avert your eyes from his gaze, shutting your eyes closed as tears threatened to fall. you were expecting something along the lines of "i'm not leaving you here" or "can we please make this right?", but nothing came.

heeseung's heavy footsteps hit the grass as he trudged to the benches. he spared a quick glance at your back side, following the direction of where your finger pointed—outside. he felt a sense of relief, he did. however, something wasn't clicking.

why was his heart getting heavy with every step farther from you?

he wanted to take one last look at you, but his pride didn't allow him. as if you read his mind, you bellow out, "no, don't look back at me. just, just go."

and so he did.

as his figure disappears on the gates, you finally break down, silently and bitterly wailing. your chest hurt so bad that it almost constricted your airways. sitting helplessly on the grassy ground, you let out a long scream, not minding the staffs hearing you. never did you expect him to turn your back on you or worse, cheat on you as if you were nothing to him. he was your whole world, but not anymore.

how does one move on from someone?

above was the sole question that boggled your mind for almost six months. you had a very good reason to leave and get over heeseung and you know it, but you cannot seem to let go of the once precious memories you've spent with him. sure, he left you a kind of bad impression, but changes were clearly made as you progressed in your relationship.

"sike." you hear your best friend jay muse from beside you, stopping your train of thoughts. with a palm on your forehead, you peer to see the most annoying frown you've ever seen in the world. "you still into that motherfucker?"

you drew out a long sigh, shifting your gaze to a particular corner of the classroom. to say that you didn't feel uneasy sitting on your spot would be a lie. your butt was getting numb and your urge to stand up and sprint out of the room was rising. the air conditioning didn't help you with whatever you were feeling, either.

"what kind of question is that?" you answered in hopes to dodge the very controversial topic about your asshole of an ex. of course, you were still into him. you just didn't want to admit it yourself, because then, you'd be presented with a literal list entitled "concrete and concise reasons why you should enjoy the single life" by jay along with his incessant shouting about how lee heeseung "wasted you."

taken aback, jay clasped both hands on his desk, shaking his head. "i'll take that as a yes, then." he clicked his tongue, not bothering to look at you. the lad can practically see right through you after two years of friendship, and knew you well like the back of his hand. let's also not forget the fact that he has always l—

"can we please not talk about him for a while?" you gave him a grin to show your annoyance. "you like, talk about him more than i do. do you perhaps like him?"

"you know damn well that i don't associate myself with him anymore ever since i've found out that he was treating you like shit." he said through his teeth. you nod, remembering how he landed a punch on heeseung's face just hours after you ran to him crying, how mad he was at his hyung for choosing another girl over you, how violent he became when it comes to you. "he doesn't deserve peace and quiet after this."

doesn't he? you didn't know why you were suddenly curious of his whereabouts, what he's currently doing, how he's been after the breakup. fuck, no. you should be loathing him right now.

"y/n." jay called. "don't tell me you're thinking about that asshole right now."

you snort at your best friend assertively, masking the slight anxiety you felt in your chest. "of course, not. i've had enough of cheating people, jongseong. i swear they ain't shit. nope, don't get me started with my mother—i hate her."

just as you were ranting, jay notices something outside the window of the room. with his two eyes, he spots the person who has been your hot topic for a good ten minutes. lee heeseung. he squinted, anger building up in his system.

"and heeseung? he ain't shit either!" you laughed. y/n, don't eat up your own words. "does the think i'm a piece of land that he can just put crops in and leave it when they grow? hell, nah. not falling for that again. nah, no, nuh-uh."

"don't turn your head." jay mutters, mouth covered by his hands. fighting to urge not to nauseate, he fixed his eyes on heeseung making out with a random girl. on a school corridor? what a shameless fuck.

"huh? what do you mean?" you scowl at jay, turning your head by impulse just to be screamed at and be dragged to a random corner of the room. you found yourself sitting beside jay, whose grip was tight on your uniform sleeve. confused, you shoot him a scowl. "the fuck are you doing?"

"please tell me you didn't see what's outside that window." he replied with a voice almost inaudible. you couldn't tell what he was doing—or thinking—but you found it not normal, so to say.

"no, i didn't." you spat out, suppressing the urge to look over your shoulder and completely disregard jay's words. "did a ghost pass by or something? is jongsaengie scared?" you fake whined, earning a funny reaction from jay.

jay scoffed. "well, are you willing to crush your own world? tell me. come on."

"crush my own world, what the hell?" you blurted out, flicking out your wrist to peek at your watch. "it's 3 in the afternoon. are you planning to trap me here?"

as if you read his mind, jay pulls you by the wrist (again, sadly) and eventually gives up. he grabs your bags with his free hand, and you can see his furrowed brows through his fringe. why is this dumbass getting frustrated?

"don't ask anything." he said in a shockingly deep voice, making you flinch. you gasp as he slings a hand over your shoulders as he's never extended this gesture to you before. "just follow my lead."

"fine, just get me out of this chest freezer."

the two of you walked side by side as jay opens the door, revealing to you the sight of the person whom you didn't expect to see. it was heeseung, locking lips with a girl who you assumed was a freshmen.

as he heard the door open, he straightened his posture up, pulling away from his fling. i didn't just get caught making out by my ex. the two of you lock gazes for a moment, and he swore he felt a cannonball being dropped to his chest.

eventually, he breaks the eye contact with you. you looked so different in his eyes. you looked thinner and taller—more youthful.

and jay? really? he couldn't get his eyes off of jay's arm around you, wanting to break the two of you apart. if it weren't for the freshmen nudging his shoulder, he would've pounced on his former friend and start a fist fight right then and there.

"didn't take you for the young preying type," you hear jay jeer at heeseung with an evident mocking tone. "hyung."

you gape, tapping jay's shoulder. "yah, park jongseong—"

"long time no see, too," heeseung replied curtly, latching a hand on the freshman's waist. "dongsaeng."

the two lads play a short staring game. heeseung's lips curled up in a taunting smirk, to which jay replies by rolling his eyes. the younger breaks the ice, headbutting you playfully. you wince and rub your head as your best friend walks you out of the very awkward scene, and into a safer spot.

you knew you were going to be so screwed.

it has been six months since heeseung's last encounter with you (and jay whom he assumed was seeing you and made his blood boil everytime he sees you two walking together) and he couldn't get it off of his head. we can say he has redeveloped a tiny bit of anxiety whenever you pass by or appear on his line of sight.

he sighed, feeling relieved that he has finally surpassed the very tiring high school, but lives short when he realizes that he has seven more years of education left, and another year of preparation for licensure exams. why did i choose stem in the first place?

the term has officially ended and it was time for your batch to graduate and either continue your college in hybe university or pursue it somewhere else. students in tracksuits were all over the place, either taking pictures with their family and friends, holding bouquets and souvenirs of different kinds. it was a very thrilling transitioning time for everyone.

especially you.

"bitch, we're in college!" jay practically screamed to which you reacted to by placing a palm on his loud mouth.

"have you no idea that there are proctors all over the place?" you nag, retracting your hand to wipe on jay's tracksuit. "you stink, bruh."

"says the one who hasn't washed her hair for days, crying over a cheater." he rolls his eyes at you, flicking the nonexistent hair on his back.

"park jongseong!"

both of you bickered silently, not noticing the group of people coming to your direction. you were practically pulling each other's ears and laughing at yourselves when a familiar voice called your name.

"hey, y/n! jay!"

you turned your heads to see other members of your friend group— jake, sunghoon, sunoo, jungwon, and riki. seeing his two friends holding ears, sunghoon finally burst into laughter.

"is this how you welcome college?" sunoo asked somehow genuinely as you and jay let go of each other, finally calming down.

"hyung, it's just their normal best friend antics." jungwon replied.

you scan the five guys that were huddled up in front of you and jay. all of them were wearing their usual uniforms—sunoo and jungwon in eleventh grade, riki in junior high—except for jake and sunghoon who wore tracksuits that matched yours.

"if you guys need me to lend you money, i didn't bring my wallet today." jay deadpanned, earning exaggerated reactions from the rest of the boys.

"do you really think we came for that?" jake patted jay's shoulder, grinning widely. "naur, come on!"

"so we were thinking..." sunghoon followed, rubbing his chin comically. "since four of us have graduated already—"

"we've planned a year-end party in jake hyung’s house!" riki mused."

"hey, i didn't allow it yet!"

"we're doing it jake hyung’s birthday, though!"

and the bickering continues.

meanwhile, you took it as something that you can use to unwind from all the academic stress and preparation for university. you peer at jay, seeing if you can get a reaction from him. as if he has read your mind, he gave you a thumbs up. guess we're going then.

"so are you guys coming?" sunghoon asked. you nod. however, his next statement makes you drop your jaws.

"i invited heeseung hyung."

you practically freeze in your spot at the mention of heeseung's name. to be honest, you still couldn't tell if you have moved on from him after a year, but just the thought of him makes you want to get out and sprint. jay notices your silence and nudges your shoulders. "you good?" you nod in reply. it's just heeseung. no big deal. he's just going to be there for the booze, not for you.

"oh, well. guess we're not going then—"

"no, we're going." you asserted. you just assumed that it was closure he's coming for. green flag. "i'll be fine as long as you're here."

"yay, noona's coming!" sunoo giggled, the sound calming your restless chest.

"i even stocked up on some soju, you punks! it'll be a waste if you ain't going." jake chuckled.

you smiled, thankful for the people who kept you up no matter how much you wanted to leave everything behind.

guess you weren't so screwed after all.

the 15th of november finally came.

you finally arrive at jake's place, the muffled sounds of edm filling your ears. before you were able to do so, you got into a mini-argument with jay on whether you should take a ride on jay's audi or just grab an uber. your bougie of a best friend would never let you, the reason being "having you in the passenger seat made him less prone to accidents." however, you didn't want to be a bother to him so you declined.

yet here you are, and there was no turning back.

you spot your friend group, and some other people that you haven't seen before. you assumed that they included sunghoon's fangirls, jake's soccer teammates, and others who you were acquainted with. confetti covered the floor and lights of different flashed here and there. it was definitely a party.

you slung your arm over the birthday boy, jake. "happy birthday, mate!"

"aw, y/n. thanks for coming tonight. i know it's been a tiresome week for us."

"bro, i got you a pair of cleats. the nike ones." jay laughed. as expected of your bougie friend.

"soju, anyone?" sunghoon bellowed, bottles of liquor propped in between his fingers. you snatch one from his hand and so does jay.

you twisted the bottle cap open, and immediately downed the content. the liquor stung your tongue and warmed your throat, while the cold bottle cooled your shaking (because of the fact that heeseung might be lurking around) fingertips. you felt happy at that moment, not until you tilt your bottle down and see a tall figure standing in front of you.

"hi."

you almost spit your drink as you heard the voice. you gulped the remaining liquid in your mouth, wiping whatever spilled out of it. "what are you—"

before you can make out a proper phrase, you look up at the person who turned out to be lee heeseung. he stood still in front of you, a hand in his pocket, the other holding a beer can. you'd be lying if you said you didn't find him good-looking. contrary to his usual bushy fringe, his hair was slicked back. he was clad in an oversized flannel and ripped jeans, just like what he'd wear whenever he took you on dates.

"can i help you?" you asked sheepishly, failing to create a tough front. you should've spat it out, y/n. dumb. "why are you suddenly approaching me?"

"nothing much," he shrugged nonchalantly, taking a sip from his beer. "how's life?" she better not be dating jay.

the nerve. you answer him calmly, taking a step back to spare you some comfortable distance. "i don't know, frightening?" you chuckle unhumorously. "college is coming at us like a bullet train, huh?"

"it is." the lad nodded. "you still pursuing law?"

"of course, i am." you replied.

it kind of shocked you that he still remembered your dream profession. of course, he still does. despite of the fact that he has almost destroyed himself doing drugs, smoking, sleeping with different girls, and so much more, he couldn't accept the fact that he still cared for you.

he wanted to forget you as much as you him.

you two share a moment of silence together, one that felt something in between awkwardness and solemnity. awkward, for you didn't want to make eye contact with each other; solemn, for you were finally having a proper conversation after a year. however, something about heeseung felt very unsettling, something you couldn't get out of your head.

you notice him staring into spaces with his obviously gloomy eyes, one which you've never seen before. he'd either be cool or sly, but as of this moment, he looked depressed. you assumed that it was the fact that his parents made him pursue medicine against his will, or the fact that girls didn't want to sleep with him anymore.

"by the way, you haven't answered my question yet." you muttered, catching heeseung's attention. he looked straight into your eyes, and this time, he kept it going. he wasn't feeling awkward anymore. "why are you suddenly checking up on me?"

do i tell her that i actually miss her? the lad shook his head, fixing his posture. "i mean, we're going separate ways now. i just wanted to talk to you for the last time." i don't want this to be the last, though.

"good point." you smile slightly at him. oh, how he loved your smile. "i understand. you want closure, don't you?"

he frowned, fighting the urge to spill all of his guts. he wanted to save all of the serious stuff for another time, when he isn't drunk or high. not now, hee.

however, unbeknownst to you, jay was already fuming up in anger as you and heeseung shared what looked liked a very safe and normal conversation. it's been a year, but he still saw heeseung as a threat to female students, especially you—the one who actually got cheated on. his internal war was broken when a certain person clashed shoulders with him while they were running outside of the house.

"yang jungwon!"

"hey, we haven't even played uno yet!"

"let him be. he's ran off to the observatory again."

he sighed. not wanting to disturb your "closure process" with heeseung, he stood silently in a corner. he was afraid you'd be duped by the "motherfucker" again.

your conversation with heesung continued on for what felt like five minutes. you turned your head to see jungwon running off with his big-ass telescope, and just as you least expected it, certain moments played back in your mind.

"hee, can i promise you something?" you asked as you laid your head on his shoulder. the smell of fabric conditioner from his cardigan filled your nose, and it was very distinct. you'll definitely be reminded of him whenever you'd catch a whiff of it.

"no worries, baby." he replied, patting your head as he found you cute, huddled up against him.

"i promise i'd take you out one day..." you mumbled, gently stroking his arm. knowing that he'll enjoy your proposition, you grin. "to see a meteor shower."

"oh, that's cool—wait, what?"

you laughed, seeing that your assumptions were right. you knew he'd love it. he's been bugging you about it and always tells you that he hasn't seen one in real life. his father wouldn't let him peek out the window, for he was meant to set his mind on studying something he didn't love.

"would you like to?" you asked, wrapping your arms around his waist.

"oh, babe." heeseung sighed, mesmerized by the sight of you. he plants a kiss on your cold lips. "i would love to."

the date is november 15th. it was time for the leonids to give everyone a show un the night sky.

you blinked, shifting your gaze back to heeseung who was opening his second can of beer. hee, i'm only doing this to somehow make you happy. you call his name softly, to which he responds.

"yes, y/n?"

taking a deep breath, you mentally prepared yourself for the worse to come as you extend your arm and reach for his hand hanging from his side. it was cold, rough and boney—not so different from the hands you once held in yours all the time.

heeseung's eyes slightly widen as he feels the firm grip of your hand. i must be dreaming, right? he scanned your face for any signs of fear or hesitation, but there was none of those two in your expression. you were calm and composed, but little does he know that your nervousness was going beyond the roof.

for the first time in a year, you become comfortable with each other again.

"come with me."

"you're kidding me." you shook your head after heeseung shared a story about his near-death experience from a vacation—something that you didn't know of. apparently, he was almost ran over by a two-tiered bus while crossing the road drunk. why was he drunk, you ask? a random girl he slept with took his dinero on hand and left him with what costs like a hundred dollars. "just because of money?"

"i was a mess back then, y/n." heeseung replied, scratching his nape shyly. to be honest, i still am. "give me a break, will you?"

you brought him to the balcony of jake's house, wherein there was a wide view of the sky. there wasn't any cloud around and the stars shone brightly above you. you sat side-by-side with him on a wooden bench, keeping a safe distance from each other. you felt at peace as you gazed at the stars, and heeseung swears he heard you let out a dreamy sigh as you hunt for constellations.

your words kept replaying in his head as he admires you silently, remembering how genuine and warm they were. "you once told me you wanted to see a meteor shower, didn't you?" it bewildered him that you still remembered to fulfill your promise, when you were supposedly moving on, getting over him. nevertheless, he knew he'd risk a possible friendship with you if he spilled out his real reason for reconnecting and making amends—the regret of infidelity.

he definitely had no excuse for cheating on you. apparently, you were too innocent and shy for his liberated self. he thought that if he'd go around and satisfy his lust using other girls, it'd make him feel in peace. however, his actions left him scarred, depressed, and lonely.

there was none like you.

"hee?" you called him by his nickname for the first time, leaving him dumbfounded as he hasn't heard someone call him that for a while. "has midnight passed already?"

it's my agony that has passed, y/n. i'm so glad you're here. "about five minutes more." he answered, eyes glued on his phone screen. "you going home already?"

"what? no!" you giggled, finding his remark funny. "the leonids actually come on the 16th. i'll be here waiting for it." does he not want me to go yet? you stare at his embarrassed expression through your narrowed eyes as you smiled, relieved that he's opening up to you.

you were still having second thoughts on whether or not to fix things with heeseung, but eventually you just settled on making things right with him.

sitting in silence, you gaze at the sky, waiting for the first meteor to drop. heeseung did the same, too. after a short while, you spot a streak of light coming down from the vast, pitch black canvas. you gasped in awe as the streaks multiply bit by bit, your heart swelling with excitement.

"it's so beautiful." you sighed, marveling at the once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon happening above your heads. "are you seeing this, hee?"

"i am, y/n." heeseung nodded, not bothering to blink to miss a second of this feat. the meteors descended in either a split second or slow minutes, and he has spotted them all with his curious eyes.

you turned your head to the lad beside you, smiling gently as he let out interjections of excitement that were so infectious that you found yourself doing the same. the gloom in his eyes were officially nonexistent at this moment, and you felt like he was back to being five.

instinctively, he found his hand reaching yours. in shock of his sudden action, you let out a soft gasp, to which he responds to by finally looking down at at you. he chuckled softly, and it was a sound you'd like to hear another time. on the other hand, he was happy that you didn't protest, that you were okay with holding hands with him. no more grudges, i see.

"y/n."

"yes?"

"thank you." he whispered. "for finally talking to me. for fulfilling your promise even though you didn't have to."

you didn't need any words from him. you knew he was thankful.

after what felt like forever, the shower ceased. the sky was back to being starry and static. heeseung's smile drops, knowing that he'll never share a moment like this with you again. you, however, took this as an opportunity to found a lighthearted friendship, one that's safe and welcoming.

"hey, dumbass, have you seen the—what the fuck are you doing with him?"

jay stood in front of the door of the balcony, eyes lidded and fists clenched. you flinched as he took slow steps towards the bench you and heeseung were sitting on, retracting your hand from the older lad.

i did not just see my friend hold hands with this motherfucker.

you cleared your throat, finding speaking difficult as your anxiety rises. what would he say? is he going to hate me for this? "jay, i—"

"heeseung." jay called, dropping the formalities as he bore a killing stare at the man sitting beside you, who was now displaying a shit-eating grin on his face. your eyes widened as you see heeseung stand up from the bench, sauntering towards the younger.

flashbacks of their last fist fight played in your head as the two men stood face-to-face with each other. it was still clear in your memories—the way jay pinned heeseung against the lockers and pummeled him with angry fists, screaming the words "liar" and "cheater" again and again as you watched in horror how blood flowed out of their noses.

exchanging stares with each other—jay's face contorting in anger and heeseung with a confident smirk on his face, no word was said for a minute until jay decided to break the silence.

"i'll be forward with you." jay seethed, fists finally unclenching from his sides. "i like y/n."

astounded by the remark made by your best friend, you turned your head to him, and it was evident that he wasn't kidding when he pierced a dagger-like gaze at heeseung. since when?

jay had promised himself not to develop feelings for you in the two years of your friendship, but somehow, his methods to only see you as a friend have been compromised. the way you hugged and made physical contact with him without any malice was something that he (somewhat) took to heart, but unfortunately, you fell in love with heeseung once jay introduced him to you. it should've been me.

"jay..." you mumbled, still astounded by his sudden confession.

"what does that have to do with anything?" heeseung replied rather rudely. well, he was thankful that you two weren't dating, at least.

"i care for my best friend more than anything, and you know that very well." jay answered, scoffing after his statement. "what were you doing with her?"

"i took him to see the meteors." you intervened, giving jay a warning look as he took a step closer to heeseung.

"i asked you a question, hyung." jay ignored your answer, fixing his gaze on the elder's smug face. "what the fuck were you doing?"

the night that you expected to be fun and lighthearted was now melancholic and dark. you wanted to sprint outside and go home to cry freely under your blankets for there was so much information to take in, to understand.

"you actually don't need to worry about anything, jay." heeseung snapped, looking over his shoulder to see you biting your nails. his gaze softened. your habits were coming back again. he gave you a reassuring smile, then turned back to the younger lad. "she's right. we just went to see the leonids."

jay scanned yours and heeseung's faces, searching for signs of lying or hiding something, but after a while, he failed. his facial muscles relaxed as he sighed in defeat. i'll never be able to reach her, won't i?

"i never liked the fact that you confidently cheated on y/n, hyung," jay uttered, pursing his lips in hopes to hide the frown developing in his face. "but what can i do? it's evident that you're still in love with her despite all of the girls you've slept with. don't even get me started with all of your suicide attempts and drug consumptions. i personally wouldn't want to go through all of that shit."

heeseung hitched a breath after jay's lament, kind of upset that the lad beat him to it. as if he was turning himself into you, he slowly nodded his head, eyes on the stoned ground as he tried to hide the blush on his face.

"heeseung..." you almost choke on your words, eyes getting misty as you stared at him. he shook his head, telling you to cease from crying. suicide? drugs? he hasn't moved on from me all this time?

"i'll leave you two alone for a while." jay suggested, eventually stepping away from the elder. "just tell me if you still need a ride, y/n. oh, and hyung?"

"what?" heeseung looked up at jay who wore a sad smile on his face. "am i gonna get another 'fuck you'?"

"nope," the younger replied, stealing glances from you as you stood still. "it's actually 'don't fuck up'."

and with that, jay leaves the scene—heartbroken, but relieved. you wanted to hold your friend back and explain everything, but heeseung was already beside you, tapping your back. eventually, you break down, finding yourself crying on his chest.

"i'm so sorry." heeseung stated, feeling his chest tightened as you silently wailed. he didn't get a chance to properly apologize to you for his pride was defying him, and he found tonight as the perfect time. it hurt seeing you cry, but the way you held onto him for dear life has made him suppress all of his emotions. "if it weren't for you, i would've been dead now."

"that's the fucking point!" you wailed, looking up at him. you wanted to leave and be mad at him for his bad decisions, yet you wanted to stay and cry for a little bit longer. his face looked so punchable right now. "i wouldn't want someone to die because of me. what do you take me for? do you really think i'd wish that shit to happen to you?"

"i wanted to forget you, sweetheart." he chuckled bitterly, taking you in his arms and stroking your hair. "trust me, i did."

you returned his hug, arms making their way on his sides. you stood there, no space left in between your bodies as you shared a moment that you didn't wanted to end. you thought about the endless possibilities that might've happened if you turned him down and didn't make a conversation with him—he would've either jumped off a cliff or get himself high on drugs until he died. you hated being a reason for someone's passing.

"i have to tell you something, though." you croaked out, sniffling in between words.

"say it, angel."

you broke the hug, finding his hands and holding them in yours. "i have a flight to japan in a few hours and i have to be home." how i wish i didn't have to leave.

"huh? if you don't mind, why?" he asked. please stay.

you contemplated for a good minute before taking a deep breath and finally answering him. "i have plans with jay. we'll be having a quick vacation."

he sighed, thankful that it wasn't a long thing. but why jay? before he can jump into further conclusions, he just nodded. "i understand. do you want me to drive you home?"

"jay's going to do that for me." you wiped the dried up tears in your eyes. you saw him tense up, to which you assure him by pinching his cheek. "don't worry. the man just wanted to flex his audi."

you laughed together, the sounds in sync—as if the two of you were bound to be together. you took a good look at each other's faces as you did, happy that you were finally able to smile again. you loved him, and he loved you. everything felt perfect.

"i'll wait for you." heeseung gushed, the smile still not leaving his face. "i don't want to rush you into something you wouldn't like."

"thank you, hee." you replied, letting go of his hands and making your way to the exit of the balcony. he was finally getting the hang of what a good and healthy relationship should be. "goodbye. i'll see you in a month."

"take care, beautiful." he replied, waving you a small goodbye.

as you sauntered away, he couldn't take his eyes off of you. you were too beautiful, too good to be true for him. he knew that you still didn't completely trust him because of his past actions, but he made it sure to himself that you'd be the only girl in his eyes—the most beloved one.

he was about to turn around and gaze at the stars, but he hears the sound of heels clicking on the ground and a hand pulling his wrist. in a split second, a pair of soft lips pressed against his.

his eyes widened, not being able to process what just happened as you gently kissed him, eyes closed and breath ragged. he smiled against your lips, returning the favor as he scooped you up in his arms in delight. you yelp because of his sudden action, holding onto his chest as a reflex.

"miss me already?" he taunted, earning a slap on his chest from you. "kidding."

you prop your head on the crook of his neck, feeling the warmth of his body as you feel the warmth of his body through his flannel, thanking the stars for reconnecting you with someone whom you didn't expect to meet again. heeseung pecks your head softly, heart swelling with admiration and love.

guess he really didn't want to die, after all.

"my heart and the earth share the same rule, it starts with love and it ends with you."

260 notes View Post

enha-cai

2 years ago

HOW TO FALL BACK IN LOVE WITH YEONJUN

pairings: yeonjun x f!reader

tropes: one-sided enemies to lovers >:-)

plotline: yeonjun loves you. you've loved him before but now you're convinced he deserves nothing but your ironic smiles. well, you're wrong. these three acts of your life uncover the truth behind your resentment and the depth of yeonjun's love. plus, an epilogue where we collectively hate on short stories because only poetry can truly capture a writer's horniness!

what to expect: a lot of rambling in parentheses but i promise it's essential to the storyline, (i have many thoughts about how i've used this feature in this story which i can share if anyone's interested.) mbti talk, some tiktok slang.

song recommendations: sweet by cigarettes after sex, moonlight by dhruv, lay all your love on me by abba

—

THE FIRST ACT: 2 THINGS YOU (MIGHT) HATE ABOUT YEONJUN

it’s not a secret that yeonjun does everything with his everything. he’s only invested in his select few interests but just the little things take up all the space in his heart. you could argue for or against his way of living, he’s more than aware it’s not the healthiest to be like this but he’s not ready to change, not while he’s still young. for now, he’s a summation of fixations and obsessions in his world. and it just so happens that one of his obsessions is you.

“what’s this? y/n’s got a new piercing?” he leans back on his heels dramatically, mouth forming an o at the sight of the newly-added butterfly stud on the helix of your ear. “and it’s only tuesday. week not going very well for you.”

you narrow your eyes at him in your typical resting-bitch-face fashion, instantly taking on an aloof demeanor, “i’m extremely uncomfortable with the fact that you’re keeping up with the number of piercings i have. can’t say i’m flattered.”

“ha! at this point, i don’t even have to try to keep count. you get a new one every other day.”

“oh, leave her alone, jun,” calls out taehyun from behind you, “she’s doing it for inspiration for her portfolio that’s due in three days.”

two ring-adorned middle fingers stick up in front of taehyun’s face, your hoarse voice following suit, “you’re a terrible friend, kang taehyun.”

“two days? and you’re not done? sorry, love, but as an ESTP, i physically cannot forgive you. i have to shame you in public.”

yeonjun laughs a little too hard for your liking at that, about to chime in with his own patronizing comment but you cut in, “oh, well, you know who else is an ESTP? donald j. trump!”

yeonjun laughs again at that, enjoying the banter between you and taehyun a lot. he joins in, “i’m an ENFP. that’s the same as katniss everdeen’s, so i’d say that explains why i’m so hot.”

you frown, “you mean you would choose peeta over gale? yeah, i can see why you have such bad taste in everything.”

taehyun howls in laughter at that and yeonjun shakes his head, “oh, ho ho ho,” he shuffles closer to you, “you don’t understand, y/n, how badly you’ve just insulted yourself.”

before you can fully comprehend the meaning of his statement, he’s gone, grabbing (stealing) a can of beer from hueningkai who’s busy forcing beomgyu to arm-wrestle him.

“whatever that means,” you huff out, massaging your temples. taehyun sighs, concealing a knowing smile, “yeah. i’ve no idea what he means.”

you rest your head against the sofa he’s sat on, stretching out your legs, “i actually hate you for betraying me like that.”

“oh god, maybe i’ll stop the day you stop talking like we’re still in the second grade and i’ve lent my eraser to the wrong person.”

“you might as well have!” you complain, not in the least petty because, “choi yeonjun did not need to know i’m behind on my portfolio. god knows what he’s gonna do with that information.”

taehyun snorts, “ah, yes, he’s probably going to plan a full-fledged assassination involving your family and kids simply based on the knowledge that you’re a helpless procrastinator.”

“you know what?” you sit up with a groan, “i think you’re the one i should be worried about sharing my secrets with. you’re the real threat here.”

your ‘friend’ simply chuckles under his breath as he watches you depart his side and hopes yeonjun’s somewhere in the crowd of the party to keep your nerves… unnerved.

yeonjun is present in the crowd, sat on the less than reassuring metal stairs of beomgyu and hueningkai’s shared apartment. his hand fidget with his phone, struggling to stop himself from going on tinder only to be disappointed because he’s just looking for another y/n and that near impossible, unless you break your oath to rely on “real life encounters and experiences” (your very own words) to find love.

he finds you then, in a group of people hanging around the balcony, cigarettes in hand. you stand a little far apart from the others, looking undoubtedly spaced-out as you swing on your heels back and forth. you’re pretty, even though yeonjun can only see one-fourth of your face, what with all the darkness and your hair in the way.

but you hate him. even if your disgusted grimaces and cold glares are all but a joke, you did seem harbor some kind of resentment toward yeonjun. he’d no idea what it was and trust him when he says he’s been putting his neck on the line just to figure out why.

so far the reasons that have him most convinced include,

one: you hate all men in general and he just happens to be a particularly irksome male presence in your life.

this is a pretty likely explanation, he thinks as he approaches you, because even as an outsider to the group you’re in, he can see that you reserve your expletives for certain men.

“…and that’s why i think everything is soup,” yuta finishes saying when yeonjun joins you. for a second there’s silence and even mark who usually can’t control his laughter maintains a poker face. then, you groan, “yuta, if i had a pencil right now, i genuinely would have stabbed you with it.”

now, this makes everyone crack up while you regard them in disbelief with a look that screams you guys know i’m serious right? because you’re dead serious.

so yeah, it’s a good bet to say that men aren’t your favorite kind of people. but still, yeonjun couldn’t shake off the feeling that your dislike for him is more personal. wishful thinking, perhaps? but then, you turn and notice yeonjun standing beside you.

your half-smile tightens into a frown, “when did you get here?”

there it was. that specific tone you use with, that was missing when you’d threatened lucas just moments ago. the grit in your teeth, the intensity of your eye-contact, even the way you say you changes. which brings him to the next and last potential reason that yeonjun has spent days, if not years, pondering.

two: yeonjun had done you wrong without knowing and ever since then, you’ve grown to absolutely despise him.

now, yeonjun knew for a fact that you’re expert at holding grudges, clear from how quick you’ve always been to bring up embarrassing things people around you, specifically taehyun, had done. and to be honest, you’re just good at remembering unusual amount of detail which you use to your advantage.

which is why yeonjun knows you’ll know he’s lying when he says, “i’ve been here for a good ten minutes, y/n. i’m so hurt you haven’t noticed.”

“stop that,” you shoot back instantly, raising a singular but intimidating index finger, “i know what you’re doing.”

yeonjun raises his eyebrow in amusement, “stop what? what am i doing?” he slightly leans in to dramatically tuck in a few stray strands of hair, “please, enlighten me.”

the low, husky voice he uses is not lost on you. despite your flaming cheeks, you scoff, “that! you’re flirting with me!” you reach up and promptly untuck the hair from behind your hair, “these are my slut strands. you’re not allowed to touch them without permission.”

“your—” yeonjun pauses, “slut... strands? right.” he swallows a chuckle, smirking instead, all while internally he’s having a breakdown over how insane you are. like in a good way. in the way that everything you say is fucking crazy but it’s so native to your logic that it drives him crazy and holy cheese, yeonjun is scaring himself right now.

he looks away momentarily to see the rest of the group’s conversation floating elsewhere. he turns back to you, “so you noticed?”

you cock up a brow, “that you’re flirting with me? no shit, yeonjun, you know i may not look street-smart but i have to live with taehyun and his witty ass so trust me, i’m not oblivious.”

“oh, i beg to differ,” he settles closer to you, leaning against the same pillar as you, shoulder flush against yours, “i didn’t think for a second that you were oblivious.”

“that’s why you ran away after telling me i was insulting myself by insulting your taste?”

yeonjun flushes, taken aback by your straightforwardness, coughing to cover up his lack of excuses at that. you breathe out a laugh at his flustered state, “hmm, so goes down the all-mighty choi yeonjun.”

“at least i wasn’t defeated by my inability to complete my creative writing portfolio due in three…” yeonjun looks down at his watch, “actually, now, two days.”

this time, you’re left without a comeback, “that’s a low blow, man.”

he laughs, “come on, isn’t this like your first time being this late?”

“once again, i remain creeped out at you knowing things like that but,” you relax noticeably next to him, “i guess i ran out of ideas this time. not sure what’s wrong.”

“and this had never happened before?”

“i thought you already knew this.” yeonjun rolls his eyes, a complete contradiction to the grin on his face. ”hm, maybe you’ve run out because you’re trying to do it the same way you’ve always done it?”

“i mean, of course i’m doing it the same way,” you mutter, “that’s like the point of having a regular writing practice. it needs to become natural.”

“yeah, but you need spice things up a little sometimes!”

“gross,” you scrunch up your nose, “you sound like you’re prescribing me a threesome right now.”

he shrugs playfully, “if that’s what rocks your boat.” you push him away at that and he laughs out, “okay, okay, but i’m serious. try something new.” you quieten down at that, probably thinking.

“what about…” you look up at him expectantly and he almost fumbles over his words, “um, what about walking around the city?”

—

THE SECOND ACT: LOVE BEGINS BEHIND CLOSED PARENTHESES

full disclosure here: yeonjun’s second reason is right. the first one isn’t completely wrong, but it’s more so the second one that finds you in the gropes of overthinking that night.

you know how at a certain point in the past, you really (really, really, really) like someone but then things don’t work because that person isn’t into you (but more because you’re too caught up in your own self-perception to do anything) so slowly that lots (and lots and lots) of like turns into a lump of resentment? yeah, that pretty much describes your relationship with yeonjun. more or less, you hate him for not liking you (”in the past!! i don’t care about him anymore!” you hastily add from behind kang taehyun who had been narrating this whole paragraph. taehyun poorly covers up an incredulous snort.)

“so now you’re going on a date with him?” taehyun asks a little too loudly, “how does that happen?”

“it doesn’t happen because nothing is happening because i’m not going on a date with him!” you half-scream, hitting the brunette on his head to try and shove some sense into it, “and please, stop being so loud or i’m going to cry.”

“y/n, we live alone. and i think you’re going to cry nevertheless, but okay. if it’s not a date, what is it?”

“it’s just a walk,” you say and when taehyun looks at you blankly, “a walk around the city, in his exact words.” more blankness. more silence. “i was going to go alone but yeonjun said he knows an obscure part of town that would help me become, you know, curious.”

“uh-huh, right, of course…” taehyun purses his lips, intrigued to see how far you’d go with your denial.

“stop looking at me like you’re so much better than me! and no—” you cut him off knowingly, “don’t say that you are better than me. you’re not. what you are is an asshole and i hate you.”

you fall into your sheets with a frustrated wail and taehyun laughs at your state for a few seconds before returning to his role as your therapist slash best friend.

“okay, y/n, i know you don’t like to think about, let alone admit it, but you’re into yeonjun. and since i can’t let what happened a year ago happen again, i’m telling you that i’m almost completely sure that he’s into you, too. so please, don’t be hostile tomorrow on your date— sorry, your ‘walk’ with him. use the opportunity or i’m sleeping over at kai’s.”

—

“i don’t know why i let you talk me into this,” you scoff as you fall into step next to yeonjun. “we’re literally at a stupid park.”

he gasps like the theatre kid he should be, “first of all, this is a huge park and you’ve no idea how much people-watching you can from here. and secondly, i bought you coffee so all you’re being right now is ungrateful.”

you stay silent, eyes scanning a group of middle-aged ladies that passes you. you hear a whiff of their conversation, something about one of them wanting to take a break by the water fountain.

“see? you’re already in the zone and i didn’t even have to shut up.”

you look back at him, awed look morphing into a scowl, “no, i think it’s just really easy for me to forget you’re here.” yeah, it’s safe to say you haven’t taken a word taehyun said to the heart.

but no matter what you say, half an hour later finds you perched on a bench, crouched over your notebook, fingers scratching quick bullet points into the paper. you look up every ten minutes or so, head moving up and then rotating slowly, and then back to writing.

it’s only when yeonjun brings you your second cup of coffee that you notice the stiffness in your shoulders. he smiles at you, brightly. brightly? no, it’s the sun that’s bright, not yeonjun. he’s… moronic.

“wanna take a break?” he asks. you stand up in answer, taking the cup he holds out for you, the words thank you leaving your lips a little too quickly. he doesn’t overreact like you expect him to, his attention on some kids a few ways away from where the two of you are.

“you wanna play frisbee?” you mean to mock, not offer, but yeonjun’s ear perk up and he’s pulling you after him before another word can be said.

“hey, kids!” he greets the children who look like they’re maybe in middle school, “could we join y’all for a bit?”

it’s a a girl in pigtails who answers excitedly, probably encouraged by yeonjun’s looks (hey, yeonjun is objectively good-looking. just because you’re stating facts about his appearance doesn’t mean you’re in love with him. because you’re not in love with him.)

“sorry, this one is a little zoned out most of the time, so just don’t aim at her face,” you hear yeonjun say as you finish convincing yourself of your lack of feelings for him. you resist the itch to flip him off and flash a polite smile to the blonde boy next to you.

he responds with an enthusiastic wave, “hello! i’m ren!” you raise your eyebrows, not expecting him to introduce himself but return with a, “hey ren, i’m y/n. nice to meet—”

you’re cut off by yeonjun’s yell as the yellow frisbee flies your way. your hands come up to shield your face but ultimately it’s yeonjun’s body crashing into yours that saves you. does it, really? you wonder as you groan from under him. the grass is damp and you’re in it and yeonjun’s on top of you. you’re not sure what makes you more annoyed.

“i fucking hate you,” you whisper as yeonjun props himself up. he’s still close enough though so he grins, looking objectively good-looking despite the twig that’s found its way into his hair. “smile, babe, i just saved your life.”

you don’t know how to respond to his outrageous use of the endearment so you’re grateful when ren exclaims, “he just called y/n noona baby!!!! ewww, they’re dating!!”

on second thought, you’re not grateful because apparently, this is enough to wreak havoc among the group of children. weren’t they already at least ten? isn’t that old enough to not be annoying? you don’t find out because next thing, yeonjun’s hand is wrapped around your wist as he helps you up.

you shoot him a glare and the loud boy next to yeonjun screams, “they’re holding hands!!!”

“gosh darn, kids, your parents never touch each other or what?”

“my mother said my father’s breath smells like beer and that’s why she won’t give him kissies like she gives me them!” the girl in pigtails answers, proud for some reason. despite everything, you crack a smile at that, leaning into yeonjun’s side who’s struggling to stifle his laughter.

“i think we’ve had enough of a break, no?” he says to you and you nod, “please, let’s go before i’m forced to write about the bad parenting in my portfolio.”

about five minutes pass in you trying to break free from the group who insist on another round. another round takes two minutes before ren takes a hit to his knee and you both take the chance to leave, with you almost sprinting back to the peace of your bench in the shade.

you fall against the tree next to the bench, yeonjun close behind. “that was…” you take a moment to catch your breath, “not bad?”

yeonjun claps his hands together, “that’s exactly what i’ve been trying to tell you! this park! those kids! me? not bad!”

and well, because you guess you can allow that the whole affair isn’t half bad, it’s already evening when you’re too tired to write anymore. you look away from your almost illegible handwriting to find yeonjun gazing at you. weirdly (longingly).

he clears his throat, “you think you have enough?”

feeling weird (love-struck), you also clear your throat, “um, i should. i hope so, my fingers feel like they’re going to fall off.”

“that’s a good sign you’ve worked hard,” he pats your head. you don’t flinch away somehow. he continues, “it’s also a good sign that we should get some food.” when you narrow your eyes at him, he rushes to add, “you know, to relax your fingers.”

the excuse is ridiculous. the premise of this entire day is ridiculous. hell, yeonjun’s entire being is ridiculous. but you’re spent, your walls aren’t as rigid in the soft light of the sunset, and yeonjun’s eyes have an unreal glow when he’s silent.

and so, ridiculously enough, you answer yeonjun, “we should get sushi.”

—

that night, you return to your place to a tipsy party (?) of taehyun, soobin, and beomgyu with hueningkai glued to his phone-screen in concentration, filming everything. “you’re back!” kai announces when he opens the door, phone still recording, and you flip the camera off, not without a careless smile.

taehyun stands up at the sight of you, “i take it you had a fruitful date?” soobin laughs, so very loudly. “lmao,” (yes, soobin has the ability to say text slang out loud irl, next question please), “get it? fruit-ful? date? dates are fruits? am i drunk already?”

you shake your head at them and simply hug taehyun, feeling unbelievably affectionate today. “oh? what’s this? y/n initiating physical contact? choi yeonjun must be a god.”

you pull away, “this has nothing to do with him,” you say, sounding unconvincing even to your own ears, “i’m just tired. good night. if you make too much noise, i will take kai hostage and—”

“oh, do that anyway!! please, i’ll pay you!!!!” beomgyu shouts enthusiastically and you leave the living room before you have to witness any more of their drunken behavior.

but even in bed, you find yourself unable to sleep, mind occupied with… thoughts (is hanging out with so many men making you slightly dull? maybe. is it making emotionally constipated? absolutely. you make a mental note to schedule a lunch date with yeji later).

to be more specific, the image of yeonjun sat across from you holding out a piece of spicy tuna roll in your direction is too stubborn to leave your head. you think about yeonjun, among other things, that night.

yeonjun is no different, his mind still reeling from the realization that he’s spent an entire day with you. a day. a date? maybe, but whatever it was, you definitely couldn’t hate him too much if you could stand to spend that much time with him. you even shared a meal with him, laughed when he pretended his chopsticks were an airplane transporting food to your mouth. you humored him. you laughed with him. was that real?

—

if you think there’s nothing worse than waking up, walking out of your room— and right into yeonjun, then you’re wrong. because the disorientation you feel comes nowhere close to compare to yeonjun’s condition when he runs into you on his way to the common bathroom. he’s not sure what he else expected but it doesn’t surprise him to see that you sleep in a ginormous graphic tee (with mona lisa’s face on it?) and shorts.

“what are you doing here?”

the sense of deja vu overwhelms yeonjun for a moment before he smiles a little because your tone is not hostile, only confused. could he take this as progress? (or are you just half-asleep?)

“i’m… i’m here for brunch?” he’s a bit out of it by the time you raise your arms to stretch, heaving a half-groan, half-sigh. and listen, yeonjun’s not a pervert but he is considerably in love with you so seeing you with your slightly droopy eyes and slumped shoulders in your perfectly in-character pajamas sets off his imagination. to all kinds of destinations. (you as a domestic cat? you as a tired soul resting in his bed after a long night? god, he’s not doing this right now.)

“i don’t? i don’t remember agreeing to brunch?” you mumble confusedly, almost petulantly.

“you know,” announces soobin, suddenly revealing himself from the shadows (he’s literally been standing beside the two of you for two minutes, waiting for you to notice him. all he gets is the heat of the sexual tension between you and yeonjun. he could cook eggs on that shit.) “yeonjun was our friend before he knew you, y/n. actually, taehyun was our friend before he was your soulmate, so a brunch is a pretty normal occasion for us.”

yeonjun nods and you simply nod your head, probably too sleepy to make any witty comments at that. he shrugs, “but you’re more than welcome to join us if you want. for brunch? i’m guessing you haven’t eaten anything since our— since last night.” why’s yeonjun flustered? he’s only invited to brunch with four other people.

“i’m—” you’re cut off by yeonjun making his way to the bathroom. when he shuts the door behind him with a less than dramatic thud, you look at soobin in confusion. “so many things are happening too early in the morning.”

but brunch becomes a thing. and you join brunch, helping yourself to taehyun’s nearly perfect breakfast spread, your plate filled with bacon, eggs, and waffles.

“i say it’s nearly perfect because all we have in this house is fucking peanut butter!” you cry out, making taehyun give you a glare because he’s heard this many times before, “i don’t know how many times i’ll have to tell you this, but jam! jam is meant to be eaten with bread, it’s the only right way, it’s the way god intended things. do i look like a gym bro to you?”

“lol no,” says soobin, high-fiving you (you’re not sure if he does that because he agrees with your point about the jam, or if he’s also not a gym bro?) “y/n has a point. there’s so much more options with jam, think of all the berries you could be eating! peanut butter is the same old, same old.”

“god, i hate it when these two are in the same room.” you don’t have time to respond to beomgyu’s exasperated comment because yeonjun shifts closer to you on the sofa, coffee kettle in hand.

“want some? i’ll pour it out for you,” he offers, eyebrows raised. you pause for a second, mouth almost hanging open at how motherly he seems, but nod in a daze and watch as he stands up, takes out a black mug (that coincidentally happens to be your self-proclaimed mug) and pours coffee into it. you’re unaware of the little smile on your face when he brings it back to you, placing the hot mug next to your plate.

you’re about to think out loud about his motherliness when beomgyu follows up on his previous comment, even more boisterous, “oh, but these two in the same room are even worse.”

you look up at that to see the other three staring at you. you make a disgusted face, “why are y’all staring at me? please stop, i feel unsafe.”

“in that case, yeonjun must be feeling really fucking unsafe from how closely you’ve been staring at him,” laughs soobin, words slightly muffled from the food in his mouth. he’s lucky he’s your favorite friend (honestly, it’s just because he looks adorable with his cheeks full but eh, his personality wasn’t that bad you suppose).

“i’ve? not? been staring?” you ignore beomgyu’s snickering, picking up the coffee, “you guys need to get lives so that you stop searching so desperately for crumbs of drama here. i’m not here to serve as a source of entertainment for yo—” you promptly, contradict your statement by spilling the top half of your drink right into your lap.

while you sit there with scalding on your bare legs, it’s only yeonjun who seems concerned (overtly so, you’d observe if you’d care to admit it) with the others laughing their hearts out, satisfied at the comedic timing of your accident.

yeonjun, meanwhile, rushes to you with a handful of tissues, lips in a pout, “what the fuck, are you stupid? how do you spill that? have you never had coffee before?” you sit there trying to get the tissues from his hand, but he swats your attempts away, swiping the coffee from your thighs.

he’s much more careful that you would’ve been, making sure none of it soaks through your grey night shorts and a hand on your knee, probably to steady himself (spoiler: his hand on your knee doesn’t steady either of you, especially not him). but he manages himself well, his worrying outweighing all else as he looks up at you, “are you okay?”

you realize you haven’t said a word, eyes raising to taehyun’s who’s now looking away but watching slyly from his peripheral vision. beomgyu and soobin are in similar positions, pretending to be decent people when really, they’re over the moon.

“yeah, i’m okay, i didn’t really feel any of that,” you mumble, patting at your thighs, “but, um, sorry i wasted so much of your coffee.” yeonjun takes one of your hands, “no, don’t worry about it, i can always make more. you can’t make more of these legs.”

“okay! that’ll do it! i can’t take it any more!” beomgyu stands up with a melodramatic groan, “you two are gross, dude! like, not even in an elementary school way, you’re just objectively gross. i hate this.”

“what was that you said about not being our source of entertainment?” jokes soobin, elbow poking yours, pointing at you and then yeonjun who’s still crouching in front of you, one hand on you, “i very much feel like i’m in a k-drama right now, so i’ve no clue what you mean.”

you can sense from the tilt of taehyun’s grin that he’s about to follow suit with an equally, if not more, obnoxious comment, so you stand up, declaring, “i’m going to my room. i have a portfolio to finish in two days!”

you retire to your room after that, deciding concentrating on your work will do you some good now that you’ve… socialized? could you even call it that? you leave it at that, plopping down on your study desk where you would’ve usually conceptualized your rough drafts like you’d done yesterday in your notebook. it doesn’t compare to the park yeonjun took you to, but there is a window to your right from where you can see the slow street in front of your apartment. people-watching through that window has given you some pretty cool ideas for your pieces. you suppose it was like a pocket-sized version of your experience at the park.

you work the afternoon away, surprised to see it getting dark outside when there’s a knock at your door. you twist in your chair and call out, “come in!”

a light-brown head of hair pokes through and squinting in the darkness of your room, you can tell that’s not taehyun. “yeonjun?”

“woah, haven’t you got electricity in here?” he asks, stepping in and you see he’s put on a cream-colored cardigan on the blue shirt from brunch.

“nah, taehyun uses the money i give him for the electricity bill and gambles it all away,” you joke, sighing with feigned sorrow.

“ah, right, i forget taehyun has a gambling addiction. i’m sorry, miss, can’t imagine what it’s like to be married to someone like that.”

you laugh at that, yeonjun joining in. he leans in against the wall across from you, finding the switch to the lights in your room and turns them on. you’re both quiet for a moment.

you, because you’re reveling in the new-ness of your relationship with yeonjun. you feel like you’ve moved on in some way, no longer feeling caught up in the bitterness that had been coloring your interactions with him so far. he’s close to you, this yeonjun right now, who really, truly looks at you. you don’t even remember the yeonjun who broke your heart. (was it him who broke your heart? you begin to wonder, or just your imagination?)

for yeonjun, he doesn’t think he could’ve said anything even if he wanted to. you look so otherworldly in the dim glow of the evening, your eyes meeting his eyes, unapologetically and most importantly, without resentment. you’re beautiful, here silently in front of him, and he thinks he might have a chance with you after all.

“um,” he’s the one to break the silence, “have you eaten since brunch?”

you shake your head, “have you?”

“nope, beomgyu roped me into watching netflix with him when i tried to study,” he admits with a shy giggle, “next thing i knew the sun was setting.”

—

THE THIRD ACT: WINE FLIES WHEN YOU'RE HAVING FUN

conversations with yeonjun always lead the most unexpected places, and this one ends up with you driving with him to the supermarket. one day, you’re taking walks and playing frisbee with yeonjun, the next you’re grocery shopping with him because he’s had a whim to cook dinner for everyone. oh, how fast the night changes.. or however that one direction song goes.

“do you like spaghetti?” he asks, approaching the shelves stacked with different types of pasta.

“think before you ask me if i like pasta again, yeonjun,” you shoot back, inspecting the packets with your hands clasped behind your back. “wow, it’s been so long since i’ve been grocery shopping. taehyun never trusts me to get stuff and that’s how we end up with only peanut butter.”

yeonjun chuckles as he scans the shelves for the kind he likes and you shuffle around a lot, making little noises at all the cute shapes in the different packings. “they have heart-shaped pasta?!” you hold up the pink package excitedly at yeonjun who closes in on you with a fond smile.

“hmm, i think i get why taehyun never lets you come grocery shopping,” he starts, “it says here this a kids’ pasta.”

you regard him with your hands on your hips, unimpressed scowl on face, “you’re saying i have to be a kid to eat heart-shaped pasta? i don’t ever want to talk to you again.”

yeonjun is in a fit of laughter but he reaches out for your wrist as you pretend to walk away anyway with a hurried, “no, no, i think we should get the heart-shaped pasta.”

the rest of your trip is you roaming around being pulled off by the obscure brands and unusual types of foods while yeonjun grabs the ingredients you’ll actually need for dinner. about fifteen minutes later, when he’s done checking off everything on his list, he finds you typing away on your phone.

he catches a glimpse of the notes app on your phone and smiles as he comes to stand in front of you, “what’s up?”

“ohh, are you done?” you look away, “i got some ideas. i’ll use them for future pieces.”

“you’re done with your portfolio?” he asks. and you nod, eyes twinkling as the two of you head to the counter, “yep, i guess your plan with the park wasn’t completely a fail. it was not bad, really not bad.”

yeonjun laughs, piling the items for the worker to bill them. you gasp at the sight of a dark purple container, “you got blueberry jam?”

(fuck, his heart skips a beat. cheesy but valid. you look like you have hearts in your eyes.) “yeah, i saw it and thought you’d like it.”

you crack a delighted smile and even though both of you are paying for the groceries, you feel like you’ve been gifted the world. “i think i love you.” (you’re only joking. …right?)

—

“taehyun!!! beomgyu!!! soobin!!!!” you holler into the house, setting up five wine glasses around the table, “dinner’s ready!”

beomgyu is the first to come out, summoned by the smell of food, gaping at the fancy set-up of the two casseroles on the table, one bigger for the spaghetti and a small dedicated to your heart pasta. “woah, this looks insane,” he comments and calls out for the other two.

yeonjun emerges from the kitchen, the bottle of red wine you’d picked out with your hands. you hadn’t been the most helpful in the conquest of the pasta ingredients but you knew a thing or two about wine. this one was one the cheaper side so you didn’t have the greatest expectations for it, but it’ll have to do.

taehyun and soobin make it to the table five minutes later, shocked at seeing a table full of homemade meal. “is this, like, you and yeonjun announcing that you’re officially a couple?” soobin asks. (he’s not joking. the way the two of you stare down at the dinner you’ve put together proudly truly has him convinced that you’re finally over the pining.)

clearly this is not the case but the sight of both of you turning as red as the spaghetti for dinner is enough to elicit a few chortles from all of them. “honestly… shut up, soobin,” yeonjun scolds and you take a seat at the table wordlessly.

the dinner is an experience. it’s been a while since any of you have had good home-cooked food like this, the past few weeks having been cluttered with take-out meals and the extent of cooking you’ve done involves frozen food.

“this is so good,” you hold up a heart pasta, waving it in the air at everyone, and then at yeonjun, “i told you this would be good. it’s so good.”

“judging from the way you’re acting like a child, i’m guessing you’re done with your portfolio?”

you glare at taehyun but nod anyway, shooting him a thumbs up, “done and dusted, sir. i even managed to proof-read it before submitting it this time.”

yeonjun has been sitting beside you, eyes round with adoration at everything you say. you can’t blame him, you’d changed into a white dress with puff-sleeves before dinner which doesn’t only fit the mood but single-handedly creates it, and it’s a rare thing to see you in a dress so casually.

taehyun smiles, “i’m proud of you. even though you’re doing the bare minimum by completing your work on time.”

you roll your eyes at his twisted way of affection, the words on the tip of your tongue dying out when yeonjun leans into you suddenly, arm reaching out for the bottle of wine beside you. he shoots you a half-smile when he meets your gaze, pouring some out for you. as he returns to his position, he says under his breath, “try not to spill this on yourself, babe.”

you hold in the giddy breath that almost escapes your throat at his words, but you can’t stop the mellow feeling that blooms in your chest, eyes following him as he pours some wine for the others, too. was it the wine that was mellow or yeonjun’s voice? (hint: it was the moment of his love for you that was mellow.)

you make it through dinner, occasionally asserting the supremity of your heart-shaped pasta for kids here and there, but overall, overwhelmed by the man by your side. when everyone’s finished eating and lazing around the sofa, beers in hand (”wine is for sissies,” beomgyu aims at you because he knows you hate it when he says that, “let’s get beer guys.”), you take to the balcony with a glass full of wine to yourself.

the night air is pleasant after the warm atmosphere inside the house and you breathe through your mouth a few times, to calm your nerves. you can feel yeonjun’s eyes on you from the living room but choose to stay still, welcoming the feeling of spacing out in solitude.

“you alright?” his voice greets your ears not two moments later. (is he really close to you right now? or is the balcony just too small for two people?)

you hum affirmatively. then, you look at him, a light laugh leaving your chest. you’re leaning into his side now, you enjoy his warmth. “i’m good.”

“didn’t know wine could make you drunk,” he breathes, heart in his throat.

you shake your head at him, “i’m not drunk.” you hesitate and then, “at best, i’m tipsy.”

“i was talking about myself. i feel drunk. ‘s never happened before.”

you frown, throwing a careless glance over your shoulder, “beer and wine? yeah, that’ll make you drunk.”

“i didn’t have any beer,” he reveals. when you narrow your eyes, he continues, “i’m not lying. i don’t like to mix the two. i’ve read it gives you headaches.”

you stay silent, holding your breath for no special reason. (…)

“besides, once i start something, i like committing to it.” if his words themselves aren’t meaningful enough, the soft look on his face is full of unmistakable love.

“you’re not just talking about wine,” at first, it’s a statement you speak, your gaze fixed. then, memories of your past hurt rush in and you finish with an uncertain, “are you?”

“i’m not,” his voice is hushed and you feel there isn’t a moment lost between when he says his words and when you hear them. you’re so close to him, in all meanings of the word. “do you still hate me?”

you’re a little stunned by the jarring question. “i didn’t hate you. really, it was… something internal. like a dilemma. a phase, almost? i don’t think i could hate you if i wanted to.”

“you think?” you can feel his words inside of yourself now, even though you doubt either of you have moved any closer to each other.

yeonjun’s heart is on fire, destructive but determined. his hand brushes back your hair. “you’re so pretty when you wear your hair down.”

you hide your face in your shoulder, away from him, flustered that his words have such an effect on you. you’ve been complimented before. with much more zest, with more elaboration. but this is different. you feel like yeonjun is holding you.

he chuckles, “are you okay?”

you pull yourself away, swallowing, but not making eye-contact with him yet. “that’s the first time you’ve called me pretty.”

“that’s the first time you’ve heard me calling you pretty,” he corrects you. his fingers are in your hair again, this time to make you look at him. “you should listen to my thoughts sometime.”

you laugh and he’s moving closer, both his hands coming to your face. your hands move from where they’ve been clasping the balcony railing for dear life and find yeonjun’s waist, silently beckoning him nearer.

when your noses touch, yeonjun hums, “i’m crazy for you, y/n.”

you want to chuckle at his silly phrasing but instead, you’re saying it back, “fuck, i’m the crazy one, yeonjun. i’ve—” you stop your words, suddenly hesitant.

but yeonjun is firm, his lips hovering over yours and his question will you kiss me? unanswered because you’re already kissing him when he asks you.

(this kiss is. . . not bad.)

—

EPILOGUE: A SELF-AWARE SLANDER OF SHORT STORIES

“so…” your voice struggles to stay stable as you prop yourself on your elbows, yeonjun’s arms never letting loose of your sides. “when you say you’re crazy, is it that you’re crazy for me or crazy because of me?”

yeonjun stops in the middle of the tantrum he’s throwing with his buried in your neck. he blows out air through his mouth and you giggle, your hands pulling him up by the hair. “answer me!”

he sighs, “i don’t know, babe. both? neither? either.”

“come on, there’s a fundamental difference between the two,” you whine, “am i a symptom of your craziness or the cause of it?” he stays motionless, lips pressing against your cheek. you add, “just so you know, there’s no right answer. i’m honored to be either.”

“god, i can’t believe you’re using your boyfriend as material that’s going to be read by your entire class. a class of pretentious, sleep-deprived kids. they’ll hate me, y/n.”

you groan, kissing yeonjun’s ear lightly, “not true! you’re a very cute boyfriend.”

“so you are using me for your creative writing class?”

you pause and yeonjun flops onto the bad, pouting and feigning a cold shoulder. “the audacity of women these days!”

“hey!” you pull him back into you, “i’ll have you know that my love language is turning people into literature.”

yeonjun’s pout is already fading when taehyun’s voice breaks into your room (you should probably re-inforce the rule about knocking now that there’s a half-naked man in your room more often than not). “that’s true. she’s already written a story about me.”

your boyfriend’s interest is piqued at this, his eyes jumping between taehyun and you. “what? really?? and you haven’t written about me?”

“i’m trying to! you’re not making it easy.”

“did you ask him all these questions when you wrote a whole story about him?” taehyun cackles in glee at yeonjun’s returning pout.

you roll your eyes, “yeonjunie, it was a short story— the most unromantic form of literature. i’m basically saying i would rather write a bunch of boring description than even think about having sex with him.”

“hmm, it seemed like a pretty enthusiastic piece to me,” taehyun supplies unhelpfully. you glare at him. if you weren’t in just your bra, you would’ve gotten up to shut the door in his face.

“babe, i’m having serious doubts—”

you quickly shut down yeonjun’s whining, “i want to write a poem about you, my love. that’s why i’m asking you so much. it takes a little more to be properly romantic! i want to be truthful.”

he hesitates and you kiss his nose to seal the deal. taehyun groans in defeat, “gross. i just came here to get your asses to brunch. hyuka’s brought mint chocolate snacks from home so we need someone to handle him, so please hurry,” he starts to close the door as he leaves, but stops when the two of you make no move to wake up, “and you’d better not start fucking now! nobody needs to hear that this early in the morning, especially not poor hyuka.”

you laugh into yeonjun’s chest as he shouts back comforting words to taehyun. his lips attach to your shoulder. “i love you, y/n. you’re the explanation for my craziness.”

you shift to look back at him, smile widening, “hm, that’s interesting. can i quickly write that down-? okay, okay, sorry, i was kidding, love, come back here!!”

—

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enha-cai

3 years ago

wonyoung may not be a lesbian to you but she is a lesbian to kpop smau writers on tumblr and that is enough

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