BPD Resources Masterlist

narcissism/NPD recovery resources, because there’s like nothing good out there

Books and things to read:

Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Aimed at providers but apparently super great for self-help too

How Do You Develop Whole Object Relations as an Adult? by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Tips on how to stop seeing yourself and other people as only either all-good or all-bad

10 Stages in the Treatment of Narcissistic Disorders by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Goes through the stages of treating NPD

Rethinking Narcissism by Dr. Craig Malkin - A book about promoting healthy narcissism instead of unhealthy narcissism

Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders by Dr. Daniel Fox - what it says on the tin. May be best done guided by a therapist

Shame in patients with narcissistic personality disorder PDF - What it says on the tin.

Narcissus and the Daffodils - an essay about NPD by someone with NPD. Probably the best description I’ve ever seen

Things to watch and listen to:

Recovery FOR the Narcissist by Dr. Eric Perry - A compassionate podcast to provide insight, support, and encouragement to anyone who exhibits narcissistic tendencies. Very in-depth

Early Morning Barking - A YouTube channel by someone with BPD and NPD about coping with and educating people on BPD and NPD. He also has a Recovery from NPD by Dr. Todd Grande - A video about this provider’s experience with helping people recover from NPD

Misc:

Narcissism Self Help Therapy website - A daily program for people with NPD (may have some triggering aspects in Part 2 of the program)

NPD Safe carrd resources - More resources for NPD (I have not gone through all of these so I don’t know how good they are)

NPD Recovery Comics by The Ego System - A bunch of fantastic comics about recovering from NPD.

NPD— facts vs myths

1. Grandiosity is obvious if you look for arrogance, overconfidence, selfishness, and entitlement.

Fact: Many narcissists try to hide their grandiosity because we’re ashamed of it and/or because we’re afraid of coming off as rude, self-centered, “crazy”, unlikable, etc.

2. Narcissists don’t feel shame, guilt, remorse, or empathy.

Fact: Some narcissists can empathize and feel guilt and remorse, some can’t, some feel it in fluctuations— but we tend to experience shame in excessive amounts and are usually more reactive to it than egotypicals, often expressing it through irritation and anxiety.

3. Narcissists rely solely on others to fuel their ego and keep them stable.

Fact: Narcissists develop highly complex defense mechanisms to protect their vulnerable self-esteem. This includes strategies that rely on others and strategies that don’t. I personally tend to find isolation safe, comforting, and vital to my mental health, and will reach out when I’m lonely or wanting to talk to the people I care about.

4. Narcissists only care about themselves and don’t care about what other people want or need.

Fact: Empathy ≠ care and narcissists are fully capable of trying to keep healthy relationships. Humans generally don’t want to go through life alone, and narcissists aren’t another species. We value our relationships and want to see people happy. Yes, it makes us feel good. Yes, it serves us in multiple ways. But that doesn’t make it any less genuine or meaningful. We want to keep peace in our environment and have people in our lives, like anyone would.

5. Narcissists love themselves and think they’re perfect.

Fact: Narcissists struggle deeply with perfectionism and internalized self-loathing. Our grandiosity is a self-deception. This means that our own minds are actively trying to drown out the self-loathing with self-importance so that we won’t notice how worthless we truly feel inside. Because of this, we may hold ourselves to much higher standards and are constantly criticizing ourselves through even the most passing of thoughts. Our thoughts can be a constant battle between “I know better” and “why are you being so stupid then?”

it girl youtube channels 🎀

becca watson - productive vlogs, tips

daiz - productive vlogs

dear peachie - makeup, beauty

feminine renaissance - femininity, tips

free지아 - beauty, motivation, vlogs

giorgina juanita - hauls, beauty, vlogs

isabella grace - beauty, vlogs, routines

jasmine le - beauty, tips, vlogs

lavendaire - tips, journaling, meditations

leeor alexandra - manifesting, tips, spirituality

lisa alexandra - manifesting, tips

malama life - minimalism, slow living

mikayla mags - productivity, vlogs

mira daisy - manifesting, productivity, vlogs

muchelleb - productivity, mindset, habits

nimeshaa - manifesting, productivity, self care

oanh - productivity, vlogs, health/wellness

rebecca jay - productivity vlogs, health/wellness

rowena tsai - self care, mindset, habits

sabrina lilliane - cutesy hauls, fashion, vlogs

sami clarke - lifestyle, health, vlogs, workouts

sandy diana bang - mindset, productivity, vlogs

saranghoe - productivity vlogs

simonesimmo/simonesquared/simonesquared 2.0 - mindset, manifesting, tips

tam kaur - mindset, glow up, lifestyle, habits

thewizardliz - mindset, glow up, lifestyle

narcaro - a romantic orientation on the aro spectrum where NPD affects how you experience romantic attraction. for example, you may only be attracted to people who prioritize you over others or praise you consistently, or people you view as an equal. it could also mean pursuing romantic interests as a way of seeking validation through being desired, without necessarily actually being in love. anyone with npd or who suspects they may have npd or its symptoms can use this label regardless of how they feel they identify with it

colors are the browns from the npd flag and the greens from the aro flag

[ID: a horizontal flag with 6 stripes. from top to bottom: dark reddish brown, light brown, dark mossy green, a medium yellow-green, light yellowish gray and eggshell. end ID]

narc abuse believers and anti-npd truthers PLEASE leave this post alone

Revised Criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder

(designed by me, open to thoughts and commentary. this isn't an official revision, seeing as I'm not a contributor to the DSM. rather, the intent is to clarify the wording and produce a version that is less subjective and ambiguous.)

‎

The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of maladaptive traits. To diagnose narcissistic personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:

A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:

1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):

a. Identity: Excessive reference to others for self-definition and self-esteem regulation; exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes; emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.

b. Self-direction: Goal-setting is based on gaining approval from others; personal standards are unreasonably high in order to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement; often unaware of own motivations.

AND

2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):

a. Empathy: Impaired ability to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others; excessively attuned to reactions of others, but only if perceived as relevant to self; over- or underestimate of own effect on others.

b. Intimacy: A sense of detachment in relationships; higher levels of emotional withdrawal associated with larger degrees of closeness; a tendency to focus on all aspects of the relationship except for the feelings and experiences of the other, unless perceived as relevant to self

B. Maladaptive traits characterized by an attempt to protect oneself from potential criticism, and from mistreatment or general life dissatisfaction associated with criticism, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. Grandiose sense of self (e.g., believes that they are inherently more powerful or capable than others in some way and may place an enormous pressure on themself to measure up to this self-image, believes that they are uniquely bad or inferior in some way, may struggle with paranoia due to an over-estimation of effect on others)

2. Attempt to regulate emotions and self-esteem through fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love, while avoiding real-life situations that conflict with this internal narrative

3. Association with or avoidance of people, groups, or institutions based upon an attempt to gain admiration or avoid criticism

4. Seeks out admiration in an attempt to regulate mood; may struggle with self-destructive behaviors (i.e., isolation, impulsivity, self-punishment, overexertion, etc.), intensely unpleasant emotions, or lack of motivation when they don't feel admired

5. An expectation of automatic agreement or compliance associated with feelings of security, i.e., an expectation that others will automatically agree or comply with them followed by confusion or distress if these expectations are unmet, attempts to attain closeness with others via agreeing and complying with everything the other person wants, or attempts to get the other person to agree and comply with everything they want

6. Periods of intense boredom or dissatisfaction resulting from a lack of connection with others; an attempt to regulate these emotions through material pursuits, personal gain, or self-destructive behaviors

7. May miss social cues or struggle with self-awareness due to a lack of empathy or a preoccupation with their self-image

8. Frequent comparisons to others, often followed by bitterness towards self or others for perceived differences in likability

9. Difficulties in emotional and behavioral regulation in response to perceived criticism or slights, as characterized by one (or more) of the following:

Fight response (e.g., intense anger towards self or others, self-punishment, hostility, destructive behavior)

Flight response (e.g., isolation, avoidance of the source of perceived criticism, frantic attempts to distract self)

Freeze response (e.g., brain fog, dissociation, major drops in motivation, not addressing or resolving the situation)

Fawn response (e.g., over-apologizing, heavily internalizing the perceived criticism, preoccupation with seeking approval or assurance)

C. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.

D. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not better understood as normative for the individual's developmental stage or socio-cultural environment.

E. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not solely due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., severe head trauma).

‎

Changes I made and why:

1: Re-wrote the section for intimacy in 2B. Its original wording didn't address the actual problem present within the disorder, and instead focused on how others might perceive the symptom.

In people who have a history of trauma or who were otherwise denied the opportunity to form safe and healthy connections with others, it's a natural defense mechanism to fixate on oneself within a relationship:

Preoccupation with how they're perceived by the other person (Subconscious conditioning: Are they about to hurt me for something they dislike about me? If so, how can I change myself or their viewpoint of me to protect myself?)

Positive feelings, and feelings of closeness, prompted by feeling adored (Subconscious conditioning: We're all born with the need for human connection, but when we grow up being abused and neglected when caregivers dislike something about us, the only times we're safe to feel positive and close feelings with another person are when it's clear that they're happy with us)

Opportunity for personal gain potentially being one of the biggest factors in deciding whether or not to enter or remain in a relationship (Subconscious conditioning: If an unsafe caregiver isn't providing necessities or something that will help with self-soothing or happiness, then there's no point risking one's safety by interacting with them more than necessary)

Detachment from the other person (Subconscious conditioning: caring about* and having a personal interest in other people turned out to be exceedingly painful and potentially dangerous, and may have been used against us)

*I am not saying that detachment necessarily means not caring about the other person- just that we may be more prone to emotionally detaching or not being as preoccupied with the experiences of the other person.

In every relationship, there is a focus on the self, a focus on the other person, and a focus on the experiences that come with the relationship. The lack of focus on the other person doesn't mean that the other two focuses are abnormal or shouldn't exist; it simply means that someone may struggle with mutuality, usually due to past experiences with trauma. While this obviously can put a strain on relationships, it does not mean that someone is intentionally being exploitative, that they only care about the other person's well-being as long as they're benefiting them in some way, or even that they don't desire a genuinely close relationship with someone.

2: Rewrote the entire B section, and re-introduced elements from the DSM-IV. The B section in the DSM-V had a lot of subjective and ambiguous parts, and lacked focus on the actual issue and the various ways that issue could present. I also changed the wording from "pathological personality traits" to "maladaptive traits".

3: Changed or rewrote symptoms listed in section B to be less subjective and to place the emphasis on how the disorder affects the person who has it, as opposed to how others may perceive the symptoms. I also expanded it somewhat to include variations in how the root issue may present.

Bpd related question:

(Ik I'm sorry, I should stop asking but...)

Can you please list bpd symptoms? Because I want to write that tracker but I forgot like half of the things which are bpd criteria and which are things everyone is experiencing...

Thank you (and sorry for bothering you)

-☆

Sure thing, no need to apologize, you aren't bothering us!! /g

Idolizing/devaluing

Splitting

Black & white thinking

Dissociation

Paranoia or delusions

SH and related things (i think that mental self harm counts too) (i.e., replaying bad memories to upset yourself, purposely triggering yourself, etc.)

Impulsive or reckless behavior

Mood swings

Chronic emptiness & boredom

Extreme anger

Inherent sense that you're "bad" or "evil"

Those are some of the main ones i think are both worth tracking and can be relatively easier to track as opposed to other symptoms. I hope this helps some :0!!!

- 🧨+🪶

How to Stop Procrastinating by Managing Your Emotions

Procrastination happens when we delay doing things, and it's often connected to our emotions. Feelings like being afraid to fail, feeling worried or stressed, getting bored, or lacking motivation can all contribute to procrastination. To stop procrastinating and get more things done, it's important to learn how to handle our emotions better.

Boredom:

Break the task into smaller, more engaging sub-tasks.

Find ways to make the task more interesting or challenging.

Set a timer and work on the task for a specific amount of time, followed by a short break doing something enjoyable.

Feeling Overwhelmed:

Prioritize tasks and focus on one thing at a time.

Break the task into smaller, more manageable steps.

Delegate some parts of the task if possible or seek help from others.

Use tools like to-do lists or task management apps to stay organized.

Anxiety:

Practice deep breathing or mindfulness techniques to calm yourself.

Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.

Start with the easier or less intimidating aspects of the task to build momentum.

Set realistic expectations and remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes.

Self-Doubt:

Focus on past accomplishments and successes to boost your confidence.

Seek support or feedback from others to gain reassurance.

Remind yourself of your skills and capabilities to tackle the task.

Use positive affirmations to counteract negative self-talk.

Perfectionism:

Embrace the concept of "good enough" rather than seeking perfection.

Set realistic and achievable goals for each task.

Recognize that mistakes and imperfections are part of the learning process and growth.

Indecisiveness:

Break decisions into smaller steps and make one small decision at a time.

Set a time limit for making decisions to avoid overthinking.

Trust your instincts and make the best decision you can with the information available.

Apathy or Lack of Interest:

Find aspects of the task that align with your values or long-term goals.

Break the task into smaller, more manageable parts and focus on completing one at a time.

Reward yourself for completing the task to make it more appealing.

Stress or Burnout:

Practice stress-reduction techniques such as meditation, exercise, or spending time in nature.

Break tasks into smaller steps to reduce the feeling of overwhelm.

Prioritize self-care and take breaks to avoid burnout.

Feeling Uninspired or Creatively Blocked:

Engage in activities that stimulate creativity, such as brainstorming, mind mapping, or seeking inspiration from others' work.

Start with a simple and basic version of the task to get the creative juices flowing.

Collaborate with others or seek feedback to gain new perspectives.

Fear of Success:

Identify and challenge the negative beliefs or fears that may be holding you back.

Visualize the positive outcomes of completing the task successfully.

Focus on the benefits and personal growth that come with success.

Impatience:

Break long-term goals into smaller milestones to track progress.

Practice mindfulness to stay present and patient throughout the process.

Remind yourself that progress takes time and effort.

Lack of Confidence:

Celebrate your past accomplishments to boost your confidence.

Seek support and encouragement from friends, family, or mentors.

Focus on building specific skills related to the task to increase confidence.

Avoiding Discomfort:

Acknowledge that discomfort is a natural part of growth and improvement.

Break tasks into smaller steps and tackle the more challenging aspects gradually.

Remind yourself of the long-term benefits of facing discomfort.

Overestimating Future Motivation:

Practice discipline and commit to starting tasks even when motivation is low.

Set specific deadlines for tasks to create a sense of urgency.

Establish a routine that includes regular work on the task to build consistency.

sometimes I just get so sick and tired of fighting just to survive.

Eichi Tenshouin from Ensemble Stars has NPD!