Not For The First Time That Week, Dazai Had Run Off To Find Yet Another Way He Could End His Life, And,

not for the first time that week, dazai had run off to find yet another way he could end his life, and, not for the first time, had failed to succeed. the only thing was that he’d gotten so very close to getting there, and had wound up in the hospital after being found bleeding out by a passing civilian. after it’d been found that dazai worked in the agency, the office had been called and the news had been reported. although they were used to getting complaints about dazai’s less than convenient places to commit suicide, it had been long since they’d gotten a serious call about it. hearing that dazai had even needed a hospital had half the agency scrambling there, leaving the rest short-handed. they ended up splitting into groups, with the promise that they could all go and lecture dazai eventually but that they couldn’t all go at once. amongst the people who would visit last was kunikida, whom had begun pacing back and forth after several hours of waiting.

unlike his usually strict schedule, kunikida was deviating from all his plans for the day and anxiously doing everything to stay occupied yet being the least productive of all. atsushi, who had been to see dazai briefly earlier, tried reassuring kunikida to no avail. unfortunately, kunikida was unconsolable and continued his restlessness until finally—finally—kenji and kyouka’s group appeared to give kunikida the okay.

“they’re closing off for visitors in one and a half hours!” kenji informed him, “so you should hurry!”

“of- of course,” kunikida agreed, and scooped up his things. work hours were over anyway, so the rest of the agency was already heading home.

kunikida headed out to the train station, along with fukuzawa who was the only one going with him. (apparently he wasn’t originally going to go today, given the late hour and the need to let the others be soothed from their worries first, but since kunikida was going alone fukuzawa thought it’d be best to accompany him). they arrived at the hospital twenty minutes later, and walked in silence. they were directed to the room, to which they paused before entering.

“you may go first,” fukuzawa offered.

“no, thank you, president,” kunikida said quickly. “i know you’ve been worried, so you can go. take your time.”

fukuzawa frowned, but found no room to argue in the way kunikida went and sat on one of the chairs in the hall, so he entered the room. the door closed behind him and kunikida shifted, fiddling with his notebook and opening and closing it. a few minutes later, fukuzawa returned.

“he’s asleep,” he said quietly. “some of the others mentioned that he was asleep, so i expected as much, but he does seem all right.”

“oh. okay.” kunikida stood, taking his things and pushing the door open. before he fully stepped in, he turned back to fukuzawa. “you can go back by yourself, if you want. i don’t want to make you wait.”

he didn’t hear fukuzawa’s response as he turned back and caught sight of dazai on the cot. the door closed slowly, and he was beside the bed by the time it clicked shut. he gazed at dazai silently, taking in the abundance of bandages—which was normal for dazai, yet felt overwhelming with how much more exposed they were in the hospital gown.

kunikida sank into one of the chairs that had been placed beside the bed and folded his things neatly on his lap. he was quiet, feeling like the dim light of the room (likely set to let dazai sleep) meant he shouldn’t speak. besides, dazai was asleep.

even so, he couldn’t help whispering. with a tentative hand hovering over dazai’s forearm, he murmured, “you are a fool, dazai.”

he let his hand stray away, onto the covers instead. his head dropped down against the sheets and he let out a prolonged breath. “foolish,” he muttered. it was hard to say to whom he meant it for.

———

dazai awoke aching all over, the familiar smells and sounds of a hospital room coming to his senses before he opened his eyes. he sighed to himself, a breath away from cursing his failed attempt when he noticed an unfamiliar warmth beside his arm. blinking wearily, he sat up, struggling against the blanket. the light wasn’t brightly lit, but still blinded him momentarily as he peered at the figure beside him. his sight was instantly perfect when he recognized person to be kunikida—glasses askew as he lay awkwardly against his forearms on the edge of the bed.

“kunikida-kun?” he asked himself with a frown, noting that the man was asleep. he sighed, wondering if kunikida had worried himself into exhaustion. how foolish of kunikida, he decided, and patted the ruffled hair of his partner.

the door to the hospital room opened, slowly, and a head peeked in. dazai recognized it as fukuzawa’s from the silvery-gray hair that caught in the light. fukuzawa stepped in when he saw dazai was awake, glancing at kunikida curiously.

“is he asleep?” he confirmed, moving to stand beside the bed.

“yeah.”

fukuzawa nodded. “i assumed so, when he didn’t come back out for so long. are you alright, dazai?” he asked, creases of concern furrowing his brow.

“i’m… fine. is kunikida-kun?” dazai said evasively—partially because he didn’t want to get into the conversation of how he’d gotten here, but also because he was truly concerned for kunikida. for such a worrywart, kunikida was pretty easy to be worried about.

noticing the not-so-subtle subject change, but opting to let it go for now, fukuzawa exhaled softly. “we’ll see. he was really anxious—i’d advise you not to worry him so much. and the rest of us, as well,” he added pointedly.

dazai pressed his lips together, gaze flicking down. before he could say anything, fukuzawa spoke again. “ah—i came here to inform kunikida that visiting hours are over.”

he bent down and gently shook kunikida. dazai plucked the glasses from the bed, keeping them safely out of harm as kunikida groggily woke up. sitting up stiffly and looking around, kunikida blinked. he rubbed his eyes, fixed his hair, then peered at dazai.

“kunikida,” fukuzawa murmured. “we need to leave, it’s closing for visitors now.”

“oh,” kunikida said blankly. he gathered up his things. fukuzawa nodded and left the room, with kunikida following tail. before he opened the door again, kunikida glanced back at dazai.

dazai tilted his head towards him. “did you need anything, kunikida-kun?”

kunikida remained silent for a moment. “…no.” he paused, turned, and opened the door. “you worried me, dazai.”

and then he was gone, leaving dazai alone with the glasses kunikida had forgotten still in his hands.

“…shit,” he whispered to himself, setting the glasses on his lap and slumping against the pillows.