I’ll Break The Sound Barrier For You

Found you through your florist stories. Is there a way I could subtly tell someone to fuck off with flowers?

In flower language? Probably, I think I’ve even reblogged something to that effect. But….most ppl don’t know flower language anymore. No, if you need a true “fuck you” then here’s my DIY official tutorial, the Death Bouquet:

(This is gonna be the least wholesome post I’ve ever written and I am so sorry but I am also laughing while I type this.)

I’ve been railing on Pink Floyd roses a lot for their thorns lately because one has sliced my hand open recently. Get some of those.

Next. Get you some ornamental thorn roses. (I’m not 100% but I think mermaid climbing roses fall into this and are also brutal)

Next. Thistles. Lots of thistles. More thistles than sense.

Next. Dusty miller flower greens. Soft. Weak. Floppy. Clog up your bouquet with these, especially in the middle where they’ll make the stems stick together.

Next. Baby’s Breath. This is your secret weapon. You can’t tell when they’re dead half the time, they’re strong. Too strong. The wrong touch and FOOOOOOF. Tiny leaves and petals EVERYWHERE it’s as good as a glitter bomb.

NEXT. Abandon common arrangement sense. Fillers first, clog the center with fillers. Clog it, make it dense. Stick a rose or two in, but you want at least 70% filler.

NEXT. Hide the thistles. Hide them under the roses. Make sure some of the heads are at hand level. Spray them with water. You want those stems damp and miserable. Thistles harden as they die.

NEXT. The roses. Line this puppy in roses. Ornamentals and Floyds should be along the outside, this bouquet should be DEADLY to put any weight on. Spray them with water. This bouquet should be so tightly packed that your “handle” looks more like a solid mass than anything else.

NEXT. Wrap them in paper. TISSUE PAPER. Thin, weak, damp. Even gardening gloves can’t save your hands now.

NEXT. Be strong, treat the bouquet like a bed of nails. The more evenly spread the weight, the less likely you are to get hurt. You will be tempted to give these roses away in person, but be strong. Your ginger body language will give up the game.

FINALLY. Deliver them. Know. KNOW that your plan has worked, because anyone with any sense will see a bouquet and just FIST it with one hand. Maybe the other will come to support it. But just that. Just the hands. Meeting thorny death. A dozen little needle presses. The paper will be too damp to unravel, to see what has done this. They’ll grab it a few times, trying to learn the secret.

Deliver it with a nice note. Sincere, heartfelt. Make them feel obligated to deep the Death Bouquet. This is where the density comes in. Damp, suffocating, these flowers will mold in secret. They’ll die and their odor will permeate the air. But, because of the nature of the baby’s breath….it’ll be hard to find. Hard to detect. The roses will be sheltered because they’re on the outside, getting air and water. But the center will mold, and stink.

Eventually, they’ll realize it’s the flowers, and they’ll move the bouquet, and POOF, it will shatter, leaves and petals everywhere, releasing a gag worthy odor unlike anything they’ve smelled before.

And that’s how you say “fuck you” with a bouquet.

I'm ugly sobbing rn I'm not okay

Love In Voltron

You should always be wary of things said in interviews, but one thing I absolutely believe is when LM and JDS said that one of the biggest themes within Voltron is love. I’m not talking about shipping or anything like that, just love in general and in all its forms.

I’m going to be looking at different kinds of love, and how, as far as we’ve seen on the show, it applies to them. There’s a tiny bit of speculation in spots too, because of course there is. This gets long, so it’s going below the cut.

Keep reading

Klance Renaissance (but only if you promise to be very very chill about it I refuse to watch toxic nonsense play out)

baby

HUGE list of free (!!) books by black authors and revolutionaries. includes writings by toni morrison, james baldwin, assata shakur, angela davis, malcolm x, audre lorde and frantz fanon. 

Thought it was gonna be a kinda tacky kids movie w gay knights and their shapeshifter kid but I am pleasantly surprised and found myself laughing out loud in my room lmao

hey guys. um. erm. don’t get mad. but i think there’s a voltron renaissance going on.

With the draft yesterday and free agency tomorrow there are a lot of terms being thrown around that not everyone understand. I explained this to one of my friends yesterday that is new to the hockey world, and I saw some confusion here, so I decided to make a little cheat sheet with the basic terms:

UFA (Unrestricted Free Agent): A player without a contract (whether that is because it finished, they were undrafted or because of a buyout). They are free to negotiate a contract with any team they want. The players become UFAs if they are 27 or older, or have played at least 7 years in the NHL.

RFA (Restricted Free Agent): A player that needs a new contract. Usually after they finished theirs ELCs (Entry Level Contracts, the one they sign when they enter the league) or if they don’t qualify as UFAs (younger than 27 or less than 7 years in the league). Their signing rights belong to the team they been playing with. That team has to offer a qualifying offer to the players. The players can accept or denied that QO. If they accept, the player and team negotiate a new contract. If they denied it, the player can listen to offer sheets by other teams and ultimately sign with the team that offer the offer sheet. If the team doesn’t offer a Qualifying Offer, then the player becomes an UFA. The team can also trade the RFA rights to another team, in that case the player is still a RFA and has to negotiate their contract with the team that he was traded to.

QO (Qualifying Offers): It’s an offer that teams had to do to retain the signing rights of players. They are equivalent to a one year contract, and the minimum salary depends on the previous salary of the player. If a player made less than $660k the QO has to be 110% of that, If a player made up to $1M the QO has to be 105% of that. If a player made more than $1M, the QO has to be 100% of that.

Offer Sheet: is a contract that one team (not the one that has the RFA rights of the player being offered the contract) offer to a RFA. If a player sign the offer sheet, his previous team has 7 days to match it and keep the player. If pass those 7 days the team decided not to or can’t match the offer sheet, the player goes to the team that offer sheet him and his previous team receives draft picks from the team that made the offer sheet.

Buyout: when a team buyout a player’s contract, it counts against the cap (meaning that it’s money that it gets reduced from the cap) for double the amount the remaining years in the contract. Suppose that they buyout a player that had 3 years remaining on his contract, the buyout will be for 6 years. If the player is 26 or older, the price of the buyout is 2 thirds of the total of the salary, if the player is 26 or younger, the price is 1 third the total of the contract. After a buyout the player becomes an UFA and can sign with any team. The team that buyouts the contract still has to pay the full contract to the player, even if they sign with another team. (hope I didn’t make a mess and is somewhat understandable)

Salary Cap: the total amount of money that the teams have to pay the players. All the teams have the same amount money. Right now it’s around $81M. 

Hope this is helpful and if there is something else you think I should add lmk

THEY WANNA HOLD HANDS SO BAD

THEY ICHING TO 🫱🏽‍🫲🏻