I Genuinely Think There Was No Greater Insight Into The Modern Christian Mindset Than When The Pope Said

LOVERS WARMTH

bård “ faust ” eithun x reader

- general headcanons for cuddling / sleeping with bård!

very random and quite short little headcanons about cuddling with bård! might make a similar work for pelle too and here is the list of cuddle positions i used just in case some of you do not know the ones that i mention in this work ^_^

- view my metal masterlists here and here

reading music recommendations: stop the stars by tiny deaths - ecstasy by crooked still

- bård found out many different and new things about himself after getting with you, his very first serious partner at all, you helped him realise so much about himself and never failed to help him with the things going on inside of his head too

✩ but one thing that bård really came to realise after becoming your boyfriend and doing different kinds of couple things together? well, he realised that he really loves cuddling… like, a whole lot…

- the kind of strange thing is that cuddling never seemed all that appealing to bård before you came along and swept him off his feet! whenever he saw a destined to be slaughtered couple cuddling up in an isolated woodland cabin in one of his horror movies, he just never got the appeal

✩ bård thought that cuddling seemed… useless and not very enjoyable at all! it seemed too overbearing and just too soft for him, he hated the idea of being so close to someone like that because what about the body heat? what about sweat? what about the blankets getting tangled in between bodies? it all just seemed so unappealing to him, or at least that is what he made himself believe anyways…

- truth be told, bård was very likely just kind of jealous in a way! every time he saw a couple cuddling like that, he felt his own heart yearn for someone to love him like that and for someone to love like that, he yearned to feel the warmth of a lovers arms around him during the colder nights in his lonely apartment but he never thought anyone would like to do that with him which is why he decided to make himself dislike the thought of cuddling so much, it is why he made his brain think about how terrible it would actually be to cuddle someone

✩ but alas, true feelings cannot stay buried underneath lies for the rest of time and when bård got with you? his once hidden love for the idea of being so close to someone was surprisingly quick to reveal itself to you

- well, i say it was surprising but really? it is not quite that! at least, it should not have been too surprising because of how comfortable you make bård feel, being in your presence? it makes him feel like he can be his true self no matter what, even more so when you do not treat him any differently after he tells you about some of the things happening in his mind… bård is so new to relationships and in a way, this makes him eager! you make him feel so safe and at home, all of the things he keeps hidden from everything else come out to be on show around you with little to no fear of judgement at all…

✩ bård kind of clings onto you a whole lot, you are his standing rock in the depths of an unforgiving ocean and you are his home! it is definitely kind of bad but after getting with you? a lot of his mental health and his happiness relies on you, you are his true happiness and you are what drives him to be better in life

- his absolute favourite cuddling positions with you would be simple spooning and the sweetheart

✩ so long as the two of you are as close as you can be together? he loves it more than anything else in the world, being so close to you is all he ever wants and feeling you held in his arms is all he ever craves because without you? the space of his bed feels freezing cold and his arms just feel so empty

- when he once made himself think that being so close to someone else would feel horrible and overbearing? he now accepts the truth that he yearned to feel it for himself and he knows now that in actuality? he loves being the closest he can be to you as the two of you cuddle up together in your shared bed! he loves being able to press lingering yet innocent kisses to your head and the side of your neck whilst holding you in his arms

✩ when sleeping together in the spooning cuddle position, bårds arms are always tight around your body but never tight enough to hurt you or feel restricting to you at all! his arms just hold you secure and safe with your back pressed against his chest and some stray strands of his long brown hair tickling the side of your face and the nape of your neck due to his head being settled down against your own

- though be warned that often times, falling asleep in the spooning cuddle position with bård will almost always end up in some slow morning sex when the two of you awake and both of you take note of his hard morning wood as it presses up against your butt… and he always just thinks that you look so gorgeous when you first wake up…

✩ when sleeping together in the sweetheart cuddle position, bårds arms are less tight around you as one of his arms just lays draped over your shoulders as your legs are tangled together beneath the thick blankets whilst your head is resting atop his warm chest and his face is nestled in your hair because no matter your hair length nor your hair type, bård just loves laying his face against it and breathing in the scent of whatever hair products linger

- if you ever chuckle and ask him just what he is doing due to feeling and hearing him sniff your hair as your head lays upon his chest? you will be able to hear his heartbeat quicken just beneath your ear and you will feel his breathing hitch in his throat as his eyes shoot open and stare at the bedroom wall in the darkness of the night before he speaks up in a quiet mumble

“ nothing… i was just… smelling your hair, it… smells very nice, you know? sorry ” ( bård says it all so fast and so low that you barely even hear what he says but nevertheless you just look up at him with a gentle smile before leaning your head up towards his to press a deep kiss against his lips whilst stroking his long leg with your foot beneath the blankets, mumbling into his mouth about how you think it is sweet and he has nothing to be sorry for, smiling against his pouted lips when you feel his once tense state loosen under your reassurance and show of affection )

✩ wether you are a guy or a girl or even just something in between, when you and bård are both a little bit intoxicated and have just stumbled home to your shared apartment before damn near ripping your now very uncomfortable clothes off and climbing into bed wearing nothing but underwear? drunk bård is a little bit more confident bård and his hands are bound to go wandering just a little bit when you press your almost naked body up against his own for warmth and love

- his calloused hands will drift down to your butt as he squeezes the available fat there before lowering his palm and doing the very same to your thighs or he will bring just one hand to grope and fondle one of your nude breasts as the other ventures downwards towards your butt to show some special attention there too, he always has such a shy yet confident and sly little smile on his drunken face when you look up at him with an intoxicated giggle from his touchy affection that only causes his own somehow slurred laughter to bubble up in his chest

✩ and whilst you and bård do often have some fun drunk sex from time to time? most of the time, these wandering hands and soft squeezes will not lead to anything super nsfw at all because most of the time, drunk bård is sleepy bård and seeing his soft face be so at peace in sleep as he drools upon your naked chest whilst his long hair is strewn across his cheek and his hand is still resting upon your butt? well, it just never fails to make you fall into your own peaceful sleep right after he passes out on your chest

- whilst it is definitely not his favourite cuddling position at all, sometimes when the two of you get back home to your shared apartment after an emperor rehearsal that you attended with him or even after a casual day spent with some friends at helvete, the two of you will walk through the front door hand in hand before just collapsing down together on the soft couch that sits in the small living room before getting into a comfortable take a lap position with his arms wrapping around your body whilst you burrow your head against his chest and lay your legs across his lap as one of his hand comes down to stroke the side of your leg

✩ the take a lap cuddling position might not be a huge favourite for bård because often times when the two of you fall asleep on the couch in the position? both of you often wake up with a bit of an ache in your necks and your backs due to the slight slouching which he is never a big fan of but he will never deny how much he likes it in the moment, so long as the two of you make sure to not fall asleep in the position

- take a lap is often times the cuddling position that the two of you always end up being in when resting in his little makeshift bed in helvete! he really likes the fact that it lets him watch his horror movie on the small tv whilst having you comfortable in his arms at the same time whilst one of his arms is wrapped around your back as his hand strokes along your spine in a soft motion and the other is hanging over your legs with a cold can of coca cola held in his hand, the two of you are far less likely to ever fall asleep in this position when in helvete due to the blaring black metal music in your ears and customers coming in and out of the store which means he gets to enjoy the position with you without the ache in his back and neck coming just after

✩ if anyone, like øystein, ever peeks over at the two of you cuddling like this in his little resting area in helvete and jokingly coos over the two of you for being so cute? bård will blush and is very thankful that his long hair is covering the sides of his face from their view but he has little to no problem shaking his head and just lifting his arm up from your its position over your legs so that he can flip them the bird whilst you chuckle and nestle further against him before his his head comes down to rest his cheek atop your head

- now, i have been talking a lot about bård cuddling you but you know… sometimes he likes to be cuddled too, not that you do not always cuddle back into him when he cuddles you but sometimes he wants to be the one being held, sometimes he wants to be the little spoon even if he will never say those words out loud and will always divert from saying those two words when he asks you to big spoon him instead of the other way around…

“ can you… cuddle me this time? like i do you? just… hold me, the same way i do, please ” ( bård might be able to admit that he wants to be cuddled by you but calling himself the little spoon? saying that he wants to be the little spoon? it will never come out of his mouth and he will find a way around using those two words because for some reason, they just make him feel much more embarrassed to ask and even then, he will always kind of avert his eyes when asking you to cuddle him as if fearing judgement or refusal )

✩ the feelings that rush through bård when you cuddle him and hold him safe in your arms are all so beyond unfamiliar and new to him, they are so unfamiliar and new but in the best way possible! being held in your arms fill him with a feeling of content and warmth that he begins to crave more and more as time goes on

- when being the little spoon for a change, bård loves feeling your arms wrap around his frame from behind as your legs tangle together beneath the blankets, he always feels his own breathing become so much more relaxed and he feels his mind turning into a tired mush the second you press a soft kiss to the side of his head and use your fingers to slip underneath the cotton of his plain black shirt that he wears to bed just to draw gentle shapes on the pale skin his waist, he absolutely loves that he gets to fall asleep to the gentle and rhythmic sound of your heartbeat when being the little spoon in your arms too, hearing your heart beat next to his ear and knowing that it is full of love for him just as his is for you makes his stomach flutter

✩ bård loves it when you talk him to sleep too! he is never bored by what you are talking about or anything even remotely like that but the sound of your quiet and tired voice speaking so close and so low right in his ear as his back is pressed against your chest never fails to make him fall into the welcoming arms of deep sleep! your voice is just so quiet and soft and his brain connects the sound of your voice to warmth and happiness which is why it often lulls him to sleep in your arms

- but when bård wakes up in the morning after falling asleep in the little spoon cuddling position with you holding him tight from behind? he almost always finds himself to have turned around in your arms sometime in his sleep during the night as his head now rests against your chest and your fingers now rest in the long brown strands of his messy bed hair!

✩ and speaking of his hair, stroking and brushing through his long hair whilst cuddling him in the little spoon position is sure to make him pass out in your arms within mere seconds

- your hands petting his head and your soft fingers running through his hair before massaging and gently scratching his scalp almost makes him purr like a kitten, it feels so good for him and knocks him out so well, scratching and massaging at his scalp is kind of like finding and pressing his off button

✩ wether he is the little spoon or the big spoon, bård loves to hold your hand in his own as he falls asleep and even during sleep too

- just before he falls into a deep sleep with you, one of his hands will drift away from wherever they once were to take ahold of yours as tangles your fingers together and connects your warm palms, his fingers running along your knuckles before giving three last gentle squeezes to your hand to symbolise a silent “ i love you ” before the two of you both fall into a shared slumber

✩ during cold norwegian winters? the two of you act as each others thermal heaters in bed, you cuddle up even more than ever before underneath every single blanket that you could find in your shared apartment and his arms never leave their place from being wrapped around you to supply you with body heat

- bård wonders how he ever even survived the winters before you! because when he steps out of bed from his spot beside you in the morning? he immediately just wants to dive back under the thick blankets and curl himself into you and feel your warmth, when he goes to rehearse with emperor whilst you stay home due to the immense cold? all he ever wants to do is get back home and climb into bed with you! he was never too bothered by winter and the cold that always came with it before you but your warmth is like nothing he has ever felt before and after experiencing it? he feels that he can never live without it again, winter feels so much worse than ever before and all he ever wants is to hold your warm body against his own as the two of you sleep through the winter like two bears hibernating through it all! when you leave the bed in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or grab a drink of water? bård always wakes up to the new lack of heat beside him and waits for you to return to bed with an almost grumpy expression on his tired face, like an upset cat missing his warm human

✩ bård tends to snore a whole lot when he sleeps

- he never once snored before he started dating you and cuddling with you in his sleep! but cuddling you and sleeping with you beside him in your shared bed and in his pale arms? it always makes him fall into such a deeper and a much more peaceful sleep than he ever has before, which is where the newfound snoring in his sleep comes from…

✩ never did he know the definition of a good nights rest before you entered his life and changed it for the better! his sleeps before getting with you were always in a very broken schedule and he never felt well rested when he awoke much earlier than he should have, his bedsheets were always a mess when he awoke due to how much tossing and turning he would do in his restless nights

- but when you came into his life and the two of you began dating? well, now he might just understand why some people say that sleep is the best part of life! sleeping with you is so different to sleeping alone, just your mere presence beside him beneath the warm covers makes him feel more at ease and being able to wrap his arm around your waist from behind whilst his button nose gets to rest in your hair as the lingering scent of your shampoo fills his senses always makes him feel so secure

✩ but do not worry at all! his frequent snoring? it is not overly loud nor is it ever annoying in the slightest, it is so strange but his snores are somehow so cute and quiet…

- if anything, waking up in the morning to the feeling of his hot breath fanning against the skin on the back of your neck as gentle snores leave his mouth only ever makes you smile and cuddle further back into him whilst his face buries itself deeper into the crook of you neck and his arm tightens around your waist

✩ it is probably best that you do not mention his snoring to him because of his lingering insecurities

- but if you do mention his snoring in a very soft and beyond gentle way to him? he will not get too insecure about it due to how sweet you were when bringing it up to him but he will probably be very embarrassed and shy about it, the blush that covers his face when you tell him how cute his snoring is? it is almost the same pigment as a bright red rose as he shakes his head with a tiny little smile on his heated face and his long brown hair coming to drape over his cheeks in an attempt to hide the obvious blush

✩ aside from snoring, i can definitely see bård mumbling in his sleep sometimes too

- it is nowhere near as common as his snoring but sometimes, you have woken up in the spooning potion to the sound of him mumbling ever so quietly right beside your ear and tilted your head back to look at him with a questioning look in your tired and heavy lidded eyes before you realise that he is sleep talking…

✩ his sleep talking is almost always just incoherent mumbles as his norwegian accent is even thicker than usual and sometimes he even sleep talks in his native tongue too! but there has been a couple times where you have understood a few little things that he said and they never ever fail to make your heart swell up with love inside of your chest as you listen to him before falling back into your own sleep

- the few sentences you have ever made out from his sleep talking have been little things like “ love you so much… ” “ wanna marry you soon ” “ so beautiful ” and “ dont deserve you… ”

✩ there was once when you heard him mumble out a quiet “ i do… forever… ” and you had to resist waking him from his sleep to pepper him in loving kisses as you realised he must have been dreaming about marrying you, he must have been seeing everything happening at the alter so clear in his land of sleep…

- sometimes, when he awakes in the morning, as the two of you lay there still held in each others arms as the golden morning sun begins to peak through his black curtains? you will ask him what he dreamt about, if anything at all, and he will develop such a deep red blush on his pale face before his arms pulls you against him tighter as he leans down to bury his blushing face into your hair whilst his mind drifts back and remembers the images that were shown to him in his dream, images of the two of you getting married in what seemed like a not so far away future, images of the two of you buying a house together, images of the two of you making love on the couch of your new house in front of a crackling fire

✩ he can never stop himself from telling you a little about his dreams, not when your fingers are drawing soft and comforting patterns on the pale skin of his naked chest and not when you tilt your head up to press a loving kiss against his heated cheek that he attempted to cover with some of the long brown strands of his hair! so he will tell you about his dreams, he will describe what you were wearing and how beautiful you looked, he will describe what the weather was like and how all he seemed to be able to do was gaze at you during the whole dream, he will tell you it all with a dreamy tone in his voice whilst his arms hold onto you…

- his face is always so covered in pure bliss as he tells you about his dreams and if you looked close enough at his chocolate brown eyes? you would be able to the yearning and want in his eyes, you would be able to see that he sees those perfect dreams with you as his true future with you and he awaits it with such eagerness in his heart <3

tomboyism is so funny to me. gender non-conformity for girls is acceptable for like two minutes between the ages of 8 and 10. beyond that it’s appalling and you’re a freak but for those two years…… they could’ve had it all

TITTIES IN CROP TOP W NO BRA

TITTIES IN CROP TOP W NO BRA

TITTIES IN CROP TOP W NO BRA

TITTIES IN CROP TOP W NO BRA

TITTIES IN CROP TOP W NO BRA

Tall sub that adores being tossed around by a domme that's biblical accurately shorter than them.

Write it shitty, write it scared, write it without a clue but don't you be so spineless and have an AI write fanfic for you.

Love men who get horny from mundane things. He needs to go through a man’s equivalent of ovulation when he sees you folding laundry. He has to feel like he needs to be sedated because you were humming while making coffee. He should feel like he’s in heat simply because you giggled at something in your phone. It would be borderline offensive if your simple existence did not send him into the world’s most frenzy of All Time actually

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First Time

Fic type-> NSFW + request

Tags-> Sub/ bottom Jayce, Jayce’s first time bottoming, no protection/ cumming inside, so amab reader.

Word count-> 1560, just about a short story

AN-> I can’t find a way to reply to the initial req so I hope you find this anon, also it was a nightmare trying to publish this but I’m glad I got it done in a timely manner.

Masterlist | AO3

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“This ok?”

“Yes just, feels… different.”

You’re careful to ease your finger inside of him, for the first time that is. You’d both decided to ‘switch it up’ given Jayce is usually the one fucking you- not that it became boring or anything no way, (the rumours going around Piltover were in fact true) it’s just you’d been together long enough to start experimenting a little. And this seemed like a solid first step into unknown territory, at least for Jayce.

“That’s it.”

You mumble, leaning in to place gentle kisses against his jaw, trailing down to his neck and collarbones as you eventually reach your knuckle. You begin ever so slowly pulling it back out again when you feel his hand on your shoulder.

“Wait, wait just…”

“Yea?”

Stopping your movements you look up at him, quirking an eyebrow. He looks unsteady, sending a pang of worry through you.

“We don’t have to do this…?”

His mouth hangs open a second or two before answering.

“No I do want to, I do, and I don’t think you can be any gentler… but it’s all new and- and weird and…”

“Different?”

His lips form a small smile, you breathe a subtle sigh of relief at his reassurance.

“Yes, so let’s just, go slow.”

You take out your finger and grab the bottle of lube from beside you once more.

“Ok, do you want to adjust or anything? Then we’ll try again.”

He reaches behind him and takes one of the pillows he was laying his head on.

“Put this under me, I feel too sat-up.”

And that you do, you may feel a little further away from his face than before but that should change soon.

“Let’s try more lube this time, see if that helps.”

You squirt some on the same finger as before, getting some on the one next to it, and place one of his legs over the top of yours for a better angle.

Your eyes meet in a silent agreement before you look back down to the task at hand, placing one of your own on his waist.

The finger enters him once more, able to make it to the knuckle fairly quickly this time.

You steadily insert the second, making Jayce groan quietly at the stretch. You begin moving your fingers in, out and around without prodding too much just to get him used to the feeling. He takes a gasp of air when you brush over his prostate.

“Is-“

“Just keep going.”

It’s not like Jayce to interrupt. Glancing up you notice him staring at the ceiling, a faint flush on his cheeks. Deeming him a bit more than okay, you continue.

“Alright.”

You find the spot once more, curling your fingers and putting some pressure against it. Jayce only lets out a breathy moan and lets his eyes fall closed briefly.

“Yea that’s… that’s good.”

You smirk at his reaction.

“Hm, that’s an improvement.”

You continue like this for around a minute more, making double sure he’ll be ready for the real thing. You probably would’ve gone on for longer if he hadn’t started to get impatient.

“I’m ready, it’s fine now.”

“You sure?”

“Yes I’m sure, trust me.”

You take your fingers out and put some of the remaining lube on them on your ever-hardening dick. You grab the bottle and put some more on just to be safe.

“Just, c’mere, please.”

You shuffle closer to him on the bed, he puts his other leg on top your thigh without you having to ask him too. You bite your lip as you line yourself up, then slowly start pushing yourself in.

Jayce’s thighs flex as he tenses up.

“Just relax for me, nearly there…”

You think it good to start stroking him to distract from the foreign feeling. He sighs as you feel his body relax a little, you hook your other hand around one of his thighs near to his hips. Your bodies get pressed flush together as you enter him to the hilt.

“Ooookaaayyy…”

A breathy whisper from Jayce as he adjusts to the fullness inside of him. His hands land on you anywhere they can reach for support (and probably not knowing what to do with them otherwise). Needing some stimulation yourself, you roll your hips into him and lean down to kiss him too to distract from the movement. You both groan into the other’s mouth at all the new sensations.

Kissing down his jaw again he lets his head fall back and you feel his gentle pants against your ear.

“You feel so good Jayce, so tight.”

“M-more… please…”

He sounds hesitant, but equally as desperate. A tone you can’t resist.

You let your own need slip through the reigns as you start pulling your hips back more and more with each thrust. Jayce’s hands reach up your chest, one going up to squeeze your shoulder. He can barely contain his own noises as you find a steady but still gentle rhythm to fuck him to, now abandoning his dick in favour of holding his hips instead.

“C’mon, shit, you can do more.”

“We said we’d take it slow-“

“Fuck that…”, he looks up at you with those eyes you know all too well. His eyebrows furrowed but his eyes still wide- pupils blown,

“… so fuck me.”

You sigh and hoist one of his legs up so his calf rests on your shoulder. Your thrusts pick up again- only faster this time. He throws his head back as you make his body shift with them. An audible slapping sound echoes from your hips against his ass.

“Fuck!”

A light sheen begins to form on both of you, his dick now leaking against his navel- hard and twitching.

“God Jayce… doing so good f’me.”

You take hold of his cock in one hand and begin stroking in time with your thrusts, the other is placed next to his head to prop yourself up some more. This pushes him deeper into some sort of half-folded-missionary position. He moans as he looks down at the sight of himself getting fucked like this.

He throws his head back again to look up at you.

“Harder, please harder, I can take it, make me take it.”

You wouldn’t be surprised his he was rambling at this point and he already looks thoroughly fucked-out, so there’s not a chance you’re slowing down now.

“Fuckin’ hell, didn’t know you’d be so desperate for it.”

You let your head hang as you let go of his cock and opt for pulling his hips towards you more, dragging him down the pillows.

“Didn’t know it’d, it’d be so good- right there, please.”

Try to keep drilling into the same spot, fatigue starting to get the better of you with the pace Jayce has set.

“Always a… piece of work with you huh?”

Heavy breaths intertwine between you as you let your head fall just above Jayce’s shoulder, almost rutting into him like an animal. His moans and whines fuelling you now that you feel your legs start to shake-

“Harder.”

“No-“

“Why-“

“Need to cum, gotta pull out.”

“Inside...”

You groan into his shoulder as you feel his arms grip your back, nails digging into your flesh.

“Jayce… fuuuuck.”

The leg not pressed into his chest wraps around your waist, urging you not to move another inch. You come to a still as he presses you against him as best he can with his leg between the two of you, you can’t help but cum inside of him. He reaches down to touch himself as he arches his back into you, high-pitched whimpers being let out into your neck.

“Jayce-“

You feel his cum paint your stomachs as his walls spasm around your spent cock.

Both in a post-orgasm haze, you release your tight grip on the other. Just settling for a few seconds of being near each other before you start to get too warm against Jayce’s burning skin.

“We have to do that more often.”

“Come on, clean-up’s gonna be harder now that I came inside you.”

“It was better than I had thought it was going to be.”

You scoff and smile at his comment.

“I’m not one to over-hype things Jayce.”

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A while later you two dry off after a shared shower, clean sheets on the bed. (courtesy of you, and only you).

“So, outta ten?”

Jayce tries to turn to look at you- already comfortable in bed- as he pulls on his sweat pants, stumbling a bit in his hunched flamingo-like position.

“Er, is that how we’re ranking sex now?”

“I don’t know, I just wanna know how it was. Thoughts, feelings, whatever.”

He doesn’t bother trying the strings at the front as he lays himself down across your legs.

“I told you already.”

“No I mean like, what happened to taking it slow you know?”

You smile knowingly at him, reading him like a book as he fidgets a bit.

“It was… really really good.”

“Aw, just good?”

He raises an eyebrow at you, before you wave a dismissive hand in his general direction.

“I get it, I get it.”

You both lay quietly for a few moments, both just taking in each other’s presence.

“Didn’t know you’d be a cumslut though-“

“O-kay, that’s enough talking for today.”

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THIS.

the level of censorship around this man is ridiculous, what happened to free speech? It’s just his name.

NEEDED this

Soap is the last person anyone would expect to want a wife as desperately as he does but oh. Does that boy think about marriage more than anything else.

loser bf! RODRICK HEFFLEY hc

tags — fem!reader﹒sfw + nsfw﹒headcanons

loser bf!rodrick, who makes a huge show of pda whenever his brother is around. he’ll sling his arm around your shoulder and be like, “yeah, greg. my girlfriend. isn’t she hot?” greg is still fully convinced rodrick’s paying you to be his fake girlfriend, though he has no idea where he’s got the money.

loser bf!rodrick, who lets you sit in on band practice and tries so hard to keep it together, but the second his bandmates start flirting with you, he completely falls apart. his drumming gets so off-tempo that they have to stop and start over.

loser bf!rodrick, who lent you his algebra textbook and completely forgot he’d been doodling your name with his last name all over the margins. when you handed it back, smirking, he looked like he wanted to die.

loser bf!rodrick, whose idea of a date is a night drive to the gas station, where you both load up on slushies and hot dogs. you sit in the parking lot and steal bites off each other’s food (even though you have the same toppings)

loser bf!rodrick, who awkwardly asked his mom to use the “nice-smelling” laundry detergent on his shirts because he knows you like to steal them after having sex and he doesn’t want you thinking he’s gross.

loser bf!rodrick, whose mom acts like you’re already part of the family, offering you snacks and calling you “sweetie” every time you visit. she loves to (unintentionally) embarrassing her eldest son by showing you all of his baby pictures. all the while rodrick hides in the basement.

loser bf!rodrick, whose dad corners you during family dinners and awkwardly tries to sell you on how “rodrick is really a fine young man, despite, uh… some quirks.” you just nod politely while rodrick sits there, sinking into his chair with a beet-red face.

loser bf!rodrick, whose bandmates are constantly making moves on you, asking if you “need anything” during practice or offering to carry your stuff. rodrick will get so pissed that he threatens to kick them out of the band. you think it’s hilarious how defensive he gets.

loser bf!rodrick, who always gives you the front seat in his van, no questions asked. greg has to squish in the back with the instruments, too bad lol.

loser bf!rodrick, who pretends to be terrible at eyeliner just so you’ll do it for him. in return, he paints your nails—or you can also paint his (in exclusively black).

loser bf!rodrick, who acts reluctant whenever you drag him into photobooths at the mall. the two of you end up making the dumbest faces before you lean in and kiss him right on the mouth… with tongue.

loser bf!rodrick, who lets you doodle on his arm with a sharpie, and he refuses to wash them off. they stay there until they fade completely.

loser bf!rodrick, who finally starts wearing deodorant consistently because of you. it’s not even something you asked him to do—he just noticed you sniffing his shirts a little more critically and panicked. now, he’s always freshly applied before seeing you.

loser bf!rodrick, who gets hard every time you kiss him.

loser bf!rodrick, who tries his best to keep his room somewhat presentable whenever you come over. he knows it’s still a fucking disaster by normal standards, but for rodrick, clearing a path to the bed is a grand romantic gesture.

loser bf!rodrick, who’s obsessed so with seeing your hickeys on him. he never bothers to hide them—in fact, he wears them like badges.

loser bf!rodrick, who almost accidentally used the wrong side of the condom when you had sex for the first time.

loser bf!rodrick, who absolutely melts when you tug on his hair during sex. he didn’t even realise he had a thing for it until the first time you did it. now, he practically begs for it without using words, tilting his head back and grinning like a total idiot whenever your fingers get close.

loser bf!rodrick, who keeps every random thing you’ve ever given him — notes you’ve passed to him in class, concert tickets, even candy wrappers.

loser bf!rodrick, who hates being bossed around but will do anything you ask, especially if it involves you kissing his cheek or ruffling his hair in thanks. he’s so whipped and everyone knows it.

loser bf!rodrick, who brags to greg about how sexy and smart and pretty you are, just to rub it in, but secretly feels like he doesn’t deserve you. he gets this dumb, soft look on his face whenever you’re around, like he still can’t believe you chose him.

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