99% Of Queer Discourse Stops Right Before They Define The True Difference Between Bisexual And Pansexual!

If you like lawyer jokes, here are some of the best recorded interactions that have happened in actual courts or trials

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.

ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

WITNESS: Forty-five years.

________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid

________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death..

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral…

________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No..

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

________

ATTORNEY: How far can you see at night?

WITNESS: I can see the moon, how far is that?

I made a comic of one of my favorite Network Effect scenes!

This was so fun!! I love Murderbot!

Oh no. Guys. Don’t do this. Don’t be a dick.

OH AND ANOTHER THING

if you downplay and minimize trans mens issues like this:

Then you are being fucking deliberately transphobic. Fucking stop saying this shit.

Trans men have the HIGHEST rates of suicide and depression.

Trans men have the HIGHEST rates of having experienced sexual assault.

TREAT US LIKE WE ARE IMPORTANT. TREAT US LIKE WE MATTER. WE ARE A PART OF THE QUEER COMMUNITY AND WE ARE SUFFERING.

that show is a comedy → 4/?

There’s so much I like about this. Andrew’s tummy, from all the ice cream. Realistic scars. The summertime use of bedclothes (that is, GET THEM OFF and sheets only). Sleeping positions. Cats that must be ON the sleeping humans.

They deserve a good nap 😴

Omg.

Activists did this yesterday (Tesla factory, Berlin):

(original post on bluesky)

I walk from my car to the store and back. My neck, chest and forehead wrinkles gain 2mm depth.

i sit outside for 5 minutes. i already have 10 new freckles