But An Episode Titled Buddie Begins Tho. But An Episode Titled Buddie Begins. Okay But Imagine An Episode

enjoying the fact that the main genre of fic to emerge from this hiatus is ‘buck completely loses it after eddie leaves but it’s ok because turns out eddie is as not normal about him as he is about eddie’

ten out of ten no notes

I think the conversation about having stakes in the show with Bobby's death is ultimately irrelevant to the issue at hand and doesn't make sense as an argument in this case because it's not what people are actually upset about. Me personally? Love a show with stakes. I have other shows I watch where I actively root for a character death at times, even if it's a character I enjoy, because I think it would make for narratively interesting consequences. The difference with that though is those are shows where the stakes have always been there. Where they're baked into the DNA of the show and the universe it's existing in. This is not true for 911. Yeah sure there have been some minor character deaths, yeah there's a lot of dangerous situations the main characters are in, but it is a huge tonal shift to kill off one of the most central characters to the show in a very sudden way with an extremely depressing ending for him that does not match the previous themes of the show about found family and being there for each other. So I don't enjoy Bobby's death playing out the way it did even if that means the stakes are more exciting because that's not the story we've been told for 8 years now and to me is just yet another sign that the production team has lost sight of what made 911 the show it is.

Ok we’re slowly making progress. We went from “You do matter to me” to “I appreciate you Buck.” Soon we’ll get an actual “I love you Buck”

Eddie isn't sure what he's expecting when Buck meets him at the airport. Red-rimmed eyes, splotchy face, hunched shoulders probably. Not this. Distant eyes, blank face, straight-backed. He'd been braced to catch Buck as soon as he landed, had spent his whole flight locking every bit of his own grief away to be thought about at a later date, let the guilt pool in his chest instead.

I should've been there, I could've -

He'd been ready to catch Buck, but it's Eddie who falls into Buck's waiting arms. Eddie who tears up. Eddie who clutches at the back of Buck's shirt like a scared child. And it's Buck sweeping his hands up and down Eddie's back, holding him together, murmuring:

"It's okay. I've got you. It's not your fault."

Eddie doesn't cry in LAX. His grief is a private thing. Always has been. He locks it into his bedroom and lets it out behind closed doors. But Buck is the safest space he's ever had, so he lets himself break a little. Lets himself shake apart under Buck's hands until he can ground himself with a deep breath at the junction of Buck's neck and shoulder. Until he can stand on his own.

Buck looks at him, eyes searching, deepest of furrows between his brows, so devastatingly gentle. And Eddie kind of wants to fucking scream at him for being okay. He'd needed to take care of Buck. He'd needed to have something to do. But now Buck is looking at him like he can fix him, and Eddie wants him to. So badly. But Buck knows Eddie's grief is for South Bedford Street, not LAX, so all he does is lead Eddie out to the parking lot.

It's a silent drive. Buck tells him the details of the funeral. Clinical. Sparing. And Eddie watches Buck's knuckles turn white on the steering wheel. Listens to the creak of leather under an unyielding grip. And he sees it then. The countdown over Buck's head, ticking away steadily. He's grateful in a way.

They pull up to the house silently. The engine falls quiet. And they stare at the door. The door Bobby had appeared on the other side of just a few months ago for a goodbye dinner. At the house. The house Bobby made coffee in when Eddie couldn't stomach being alone. At the home. The home Bobby helped him build in every way.

Buck gets out of the car. Eddie follows. Buck unlocks the door. Eddie locks it behind them. Buck disappears into the kitchen. Eddie pauses.

Can't quite separate Bobby from kitchens in his mind. And it's not like Bobby ever cooked anything in Eddie's kitchen, but there's some stupid grief-crazed part of his brain that thinks he'll find Bobby at the stove for a last supper. A parting gift to Eddie. Because Bobby was always too good. Too generous. Too understanding. When it came to Eddie.

When he finally makes it in there, Buck is stood staring into the fridge. Vacant. Eddie joins him, presses their shoulders together as hard as he can without knocking Buck away, and looks at Buck's fingers curled loosely around two beer bottles. Eddie knows it's not the early hour staying his hand.

It feels wrong. To find comfort in alcohol at Bobby's expense.

Carefully, Eddie unpicks Buck's fingers from the bottles and watches as Buck's arm falls limp to his side with such weight it bounces off his hip. Swings once, twice, stops suddenly. Eddie grabs the water filter. Closes the fridge.

"Sit down," he whispers. Sure, steady.

Buck sits down.

Eddie grabs two glasses. Fills them with water. Leaves the filter on the side. Who cares? Who fucking cares? Takes the glasses over to the table in shaking hands. Spills only a little. Sits opposite Buck. Stares into his cup.

"I didn't say it back," Buck rasps eventually.

Eddie picks his head up with great effort. Ony manages it because he wants to see what hurt he's caused. Their missing medic. Absent in their hour of need.

"What?"

"B-he-he told me he loved me." Buck's eyes go wide. Horrified. Haunted. Hollow. "He t-told me he l-loved me, and I could-couldn't say it back be-because that would mean..." Buck chokes a sob into his hand. "I thought we'd fix it. I-I-I thought we'd find a way. We-we always do. I couldn't say it-it. I didn't want t-to let him go. And now, he's..." Buck's face crumples first. Then, the rest of his body follows, folding in on itself in the chair until he looks almost as small as Christopher had the first time he'd ever sat at this table. "He's d-gone, and he doesn't know I love him."

"He knows, Buck." Eddie's hand curls into a fist on the tabletop. Doesn't know what to do. For all he'd been ready to hold Buck together, he's not sure how. "He knows you love him, Buck. You told him every single day."

"But I never said the words!" he snaps. Pure rage. Pure guilt. He looks up at Eddie. Blue eyes wet and red and wild. The rage and the guilt seeps away, leaves only pure grief. "I never said the words."

He sobs then. Doesn't choke it down. Lets it out. Eddie reacts like it's instinct even though he's never done this before. Just somehow knows in his bones what to do when it comes to Buck.

He stands, rounds the table, slides a hand into Buck's hair, one on his shoulder, pulls Buck's face into his stomach and holds him there, holds him together. Buck's fingers tangle themselves in Eddie's belt loops. A lifeline. And Eddie holds him tight as he can.

"All the times you cooked for him. All the times he cooked for you. The two of you cooking together. You had your own language, Buck. He knows you love him."

And all Eddie hears is: you're gonna stand there with a hundred-something bodies on you and tell me I'm not fit for duty. Did Bobby know Eddie loved him too?

Squeezing his eyes shut tight, Eddie drops his cheek to the top of Buck's head. Stops holding Buck together and starts holding on. Buck's hands grasp at his hips, twist into the back of his shirt just like Eddie's had at the airport.

And all Eddie hears is: I just want to make sure you don't think you have to lose everything before you can allow yourself to feel anything.

eddie saying he's sorry that buck couldn't keep the dog, that he had to give him up and it's said so sincerely and deeply and yeah it's about the dog but it's also about him, it's him saying im sorry i can't stay im sorry i can't let you keep me here im sorry that we have to let each other go, im not sorry for going to be with my son who i belong with, but im sorry you won't be there with us too

Idk not to read into it or anything but I think making the suicidal addict, a man cursed to be alone and responsible since young childhood, sacrifice his life for the sake of his team and die a painful gratuitous death, alone in a glass box with no one to hug, just when his life was finally worth living is fucking cruel and twisted writing.

He was building a house. He wanted to live. He was happy.

Bobby Nash was an incredibly well written character, it was a well done portrayal of survivors guilt, addiction, loneliness and suicidality.

He was a man cursed with the burden of feeling responsible for everyone in his life, for his dad, for killing his family, for his team.

I truly think killing him in such a horrific way on the Nobody Dies Show was a disservice to his character and all that he represented.

As someone who felt seen and portrayed by his character, I don’t think that was a brave and heroic death. I think it was utterly tragic and thankless. You made him die alone in a glass box, with no one to hug. Just at the point of him feeling truly happy and secure.

1x10 // 8x10

Eddie Diaz, Queerness, and Faith

So I've had this idea floating around in my head all day following the most recent episode and with Buddie canon seemingly closer than ever, I thought I'd share it with y'all.

An interesting storyline I would absolutely LOVE for them to explore with Eddie is his relationship with Catholacism/Christianity as a whole and his sexuality, both in childhood and as an adult. I think it's inevitable that his relationship with religion would be brought up if they decide to go the route of Eddie being a repressed gay man. It's kind of unavoidable given his family history and his resurfaced Catholic guilt. I mean, growing up in Texas in the Catholic church as a gay kid??? As a queer atheist, it sounds like my own personal hell.

That being said, I think it would be really cool to see Eddie's journey to self-acceptance coincide with a restored faith in God and the church. It's not a storyline I've personally seen very often with gay characters (the only example I can think of atm is Eric from Sex Education), and I think it could be a really valuable form of representation for both progressive forms of Christianity and queer BIPOC Christians.

I don't think it's realistic given Eddie's decades-long repression for him to have this realization of feelings for Buck and just be okay with it without taking the time to interrogate all of his past relationships (romantic, familial, and religious) and how they have contributed to his repression. I would love to see him come back to LA post-feelings realization and for him to have more conversations with Father Brian about all of this. I want there to be a conversation between them about how Father Brian can reconcile being a gay man (because let's face it, he likely is, despite being celibate) and his faith in God, as well as being an active participant in the church who is guiding other people in their faith. I want to see the juxtaposition of Eddie growing up with a faith that is, at it's core, based in guilt and shame, to stepping into a faith based in love, acceptance, and affirmation (as, imo, Christianity SHOULD BE but all too often is not). I want more bonding and one-on-one conversations between Eddie and Bobby about faith, too. It would be really nice to see them bond more over something they have in common outside of their profession, especially with Bobby being a father figure to Buck.

I think his relationship with Buck could also be a way to explore inter-faith relationships. Now, I could be completely off-base with this, but Buck strikes me as a character that, while superstitious, is not religious. There hasn't been anything I've seen up to this point, that I can remember anyway, that suggests Buck believes in God. If it is the case that he is an atheist or agnostic, I would love to see how they navigate their relationship surrounding the topic, especially given the long and difficult history surrounding homophobia in the church. I don't even necessarily mind the topic becoming quite contentious (between them or brought on by external circumstances), but at the end of it all I want to see them get to a point where they approach this potential difference with love and mutual respect.

Idk I think it would just be really cool if they made this decision with Eddie's character. I know I've seen a few clips of Ryan in interviews talking about his own faith journey: growing up in the church, becoming distant from it as he got older, and then later coming back to God and religion. It would be awesome to see him being able to pour some of his own personal experiences with religion into this character, especially with how their journeys with faith would be kind of paralleled (though not entirely the same).

Anyways, if anyone wants to send me pre-existing fics or even write some based on this premise, I would love to read them 😊

Okay btw the parallels between someone who's lost literally their voice and Eddie who's lost his voice when it comes to parenting his kid and doing what he wants... yeah...

buck is clinging on to the “straight best friend” label because if he considers eddie being not straight for even a second.. deep down he knows what it would mean