Is That The Closest We Are Gonna Get To Feelings This Episode? I Am Glad It's No Longer Unsaid!!! But

Further thoughts on Buddie following episodes 8x11.

I'm speculating here, but I think this episode was about setting up a coherent and satisfying narrative around Buck and Eddie's feelings for each other. Look. Buck's recently figured out he's bisexual. If he's going to end up dating Eddie, Eddie needs to come out too. But how do you get two main characters to come out as queer when they've only ever dated women before? That's a wildly convenient coincidence.

(Audiences hate convenient coincidences.)

Now Buck is insisting he's not interested in Eddie. Why isn't he interested in Eddie? Well, Eddie's straight. Okay, that's not really an answer. But it doesn't matter! Because Eddie's straight! Why does everyone think he's in love with his best friend? His best friend is straight!

Suddenly Eddie's sexuality is a question. Is Eddie straight? Why is that important to Buck? What would happen if he wasn't? Fandom has been asking these questions since day one and we've already got more than a few answers of our own. But now Eddie's sexuality is being made salient by the narrative. And we're being told, Buck is not in love with his straight best friend.

So, hypothetically: Eddie comes out as Not Straight. This is no longer a wildly convenient coincidence. It's a complication. (Audiences love complications). Because now Buck has to answer the question that we've just established he does not want to answer. Are you in love with your best friend?

They can also reverse the order. Have Buck answer that question and move on to What Now? In this case, Eddie coming out is now a resolution. (Audiences also love resolutions). I think this is the less interesting path but it's also possible.

Usually when I dissect narratives like this I think in terms of "what I would have done." This is not what I would have done. This is better than what I would have done, because I've never had to convince my audience that People Can Be Queer, Actually, Yes Even Him. I would not have thought to structure it this way. I didn't think to structure it this way, and I've given a lot of thought to how I would hypothetically structure a getting together arc that would be convincing to a mainstream audience. I've been thinking that the only options for Eddie coming out are either Buck is supportive and excited for him as a friend, or Buck is painfully hopeful because he's been pining. Way, way better: Eddie comes out and Buck, who's been insisting for months that just because he's queer doesn't mean he's in love with his best friend, immediately realises he's in love with his best friend. And spirals.

oh Christ shut the fuck up with your holier than thou shit, pretending you're not just another toxic buddie shipper while parroting their favorite lies and bullshit at the same time. block shit you don't like and shut the FUCK up. y'all been showing your asses for literally years, being misogynistic and racist to every single female love interest that gets in your way and adding some violent homophobia for the actual queer rep, all because you fetishise straight men kissing. y'all are the ones posting child rape fics to the archive and to inboxes. y'all the ones harassing people because you're blocked. y'all the ones trying to dox people and fail because you're just that pathetic. I've been in this fandom from day one and there's a reason buddie shippers are infamous outside this fandom for toxic bigotry. shut the ENTIRE fuck up I'm so goddamn sick of y'all. I'm genuinely embarrassed to ever have BEEN one of you. entitled, pathetic, friendless trash, every single one of you.

Hey, so what is this supposed to accomplish?

To be clear, I DO block content I don't want to see. I DO filter for ships I don't usually want to regularly interact with. The point of the post I made was to address a pattern I was noticing with anti-Eddie and anti-Buddie sentiment that I had seen multiple BIPOC creators also talk about.

Now, to address some of your points because I feel like you are projecting SO MUCH onto me.

Misogyny. I never made a single comment on my feelings regarding any of the characters' canon past relationships, but since you seem so sure I hate them like every other Buddie shipper supposedly does, I will make my views of them quite clear. I like most of Eddie and Buck's previous girlfriends/wife. I really liked Shannon, Abby, Anna, and Taylor. The other past relationships that I don't actively like I'm pretty neutral about. There are various reasons why I didn't think those relationships would work out, and they didn't, but I don't hate any of their past partners. I think people are free to dislike their past relationships if they want, but misogyny directed towards them isn't okay.

Racism. Any and all racism targeted towards the characters and their actors is unacceptable, full stop. Any acts of racism that any of those actors themselves have engaged in or excused is also unacceptable, full stop. Both are true statements, and I find it really shitty that in response to a post where I was attempting to respectfully point out behaviors directed at a character, which I found may have had racial bias underpinning them, I got this kind of response. As a community, we should all be concerned about racism, queerphobia, ableism, etc. regardless of who it's coming from and regardless of who it's being done to.

Harassment/Threats/Innappropriate Behavior/Etc. To be very, very clear. None of the horrendous behaviors that you have described BuckTommy shippers receiving from Buddie shippers and/or anti-BuckTommy shippers is okay. I have never and will never defend anyone doing those things. Those are examples of behavior I was referring to when it comes to toxicity I would like to see weeded out of fandom spaces. From BOTH sides of the shipping discourse. I feel like I made that clear when I acknowledged that Buddie shippers can and do engage in toxicity and racism as well. Literally NO ONE is exempt from criticism.

Fetishization/Fetishizing Straight Men Kissing. Um. What. To be clear, I am queer. I read, write, listen to, and engage with content that is almost exclusively queer or made by someone who is. I am just as concerned and interested in queer rep as the next queer person. I also have just as much right as any other queer person to critique that rep if I am unsatisfied with it and think it could be improved upon. And you do, too. I am not saying there is NO issue of some folks fetishizing mlm relationships, but I do think this narrative is incredibly overblown and lacks nuance, but I digress. The specific comment about wanting two straight dudes to kiss is what I am particularly concerned about. Buck isn't straight. He was initially written and acted that way throughout the majority of the show, but he ISN'T. Plus, as someone who is themselves bisexual and relates a lot to his character, I always kinda headcanoned him to be as well. There is also no reason why we should assume Eddie can't be gay. Personally, I headcanon him as a repressed gay man. For many, many reasons. What I find very interesting is the way you throw that statement out there like that as if Tommy wasn't introduced into the show initially through "Hen Begins" as, presumably, a straight man. Of course, we learn later that he was repressing his feelings and had previously dated and been engaged to a woman before he accepted himself fully and started dating men. He is still a gay man despite his past experiences. And at the very beginning of the show, when we are introduced to Michael, we get the reveal that he is gay and had recently come out to his entire family, who he had hid this from for over a decade. The presumption of straightness/cisness until explicitly stated otherwise annoys me so much, so I wanted to address that point specifically.

I have absolutely no ill-will towards you, and I hope you receive this well. I am sorry it seems you have been on the receiving end of a lot of negativity in the fandom. I would like to encourage you to keep an open mind that not everyone online and in this space is a person that hates you or is acting in bad faith just because they diagree with you or have expressed a critical view about something you like. I wish you well.

hollywood's insistence on portraying people with (presumably) DID as inherently violent or dangerous is genuinely cruel and harmful to the understanding of an already misunderstood and misrepresented community. it's the lowest of lowhanging fruit, targeting an already vulnerable population. people with DID (or any other "scary" mental illness) are not inherently dangerous or violent. they're not serial killers. or abusers. they just are. this has been a psa

buck is clinging on to the “straight best friend” label because if he considers eddie being not straight for even a second.. deep down he knows what it would mean

One thing I hope they write/have written into the show is Buck getting a bunch of tattoos as another coping mechanism he uses to deal with Eddie leaving. It's a realistic coping mechanism that also, in a way, doubles as a form of self-harm that isn't just him reverting back to being Buck 1.0 in Eddie's absence. Plus, tattoos are hot imo, and I want to see Eddie's reaction to them once he comes back to LA lol.

Also, Oliver has a bunch of tattoos already that they've had to put so much effort into covering up that it would just make the makeup and costuming department's job way easier if they write it in.

enjoying the fact that the main genre of fic to emerge from this hiatus is ‘buck completely loses it after eddie leaves but it’s ok because turns out eddie is as not normal about him as he is about eddie’

ten out of ten no notes

One more thing though. So let's say this episode was supposed to just be about Athena's grief, and the rest of the fallout will be in the next two episodes. Well, unfortunately, they did a bad job of handling Athena's grief too.

Don't get me wrong, Angela Bassett was AMAZING. She did a perfect job with what she was given. Her breakdown with Hen was heartwrenching, and the scene at the end with his casket was the closest I got to crying, all on the power of her acting.

But as far as the character of Athena goes, I think the writing only failed her.

First of all, and most importantly, the subplot of the mom with the dead kid was not the mirror to Athena's grief that it should have been. Athena was not in denial that Bobby's dead. She wasn't avoiding planning the burial and funeral because she was in denial. She was avoiding it because those are hard things to do, things that no one who has lost someone wants to do. So did investigating this case help her avoid that? Yeah, but it did it in a way that was confusing to the audience, because it made you wonder if Athena, and we the audience by extension, SHOULD be doubting whether Bobby is dead. But then that emotional thread didn't play out and just left Athena's inherent cynicism reaffirmed. Miracles aren't real. The end. How did that show us anything about Athena's grief? How was that narratively satisfying?

Second of all, they did several things that didn't make sense for Athena as a character. The biggest one, I already mentioned: she was avoiding her kids' calls. I don't for one second believe that Athena would leave her children alone in their own grief. May and Harry saw Bobby as a father, and it would be one thing for her to be acting withdrawn or stoic, but to IGNORE their calls is cruel in a way I don't think Athena would be.

Also, while I did enjoy the scene where Athena gets angry with Chim, the fact that this is her only interaction with him in the episode is I think another disservice to her. The fact that she barely interacted with the rest of the 118 is a disservice to her. This was an important chance to show that Bobby was not the only glue holding Athena to the 118, but instead they drove a wedge between them. Maybe they will address this in the next two episodes, but even in the short term, in a season that has far too frequently had Athena off doing her own cop thing, to further isolate her when it really counts just makes you wonder what they even plan to do with her if Bobby is really gone.

And this is without even getting into what it says about the 118 that THEY aren't shown to be surrounding Athena. Anyone who has lost anyone knows that that's just not how it works. Families huddle together when someone dies. The episode made it seem like Athena was alone, and they could have justified it with writing that shows how grief can make a person feel alone, but they didn't do that. She literally just WAS alone in a way that doesn't make sense for her character or for any of the other characters either.

The 911 episodes ratings on imdb are sending me.

This is fucking WILD.

the way they had a solid rating across the board and now they have an episode rated 2.2 is insane.

Eddie isn't sure what he's expecting when Buck meets him at the airport. Red-rimmed eyes, splotchy face, hunched shoulders probably. Not this. Distant eyes, blank face, straight-backed. He'd been braced to catch Buck as soon as he landed, had spent his whole flight locking every bit of his own grief away to be thought about at a later date, let the guilt pool in his chest instead.

I should've been there, I could've -

He'd been ready to catch Buck, but it's Eddie who falls into Buck's waiting arms. Eddie who tears up. Eddie who clutches at the back of Buck's shirt like a scared child. And it's Buck sweeping his hands up and down Eddie's back, holding him together, murmuring:

"It's okay. I've got you. It's not your fault."

Eddie doesn't cry in LAX. His grief is a private thing. Always has been. He locks it into his bedroom and lets it out behind closed doors. But Buck is the safest space he's ever had, so he lets himself break a little. Lets himself shake apart under Buck's hands until he can ground himself with a deep breath at the junction of Buck's neck and shoulder. Until he can stand on his own.

Buck looks at him, eyes searching, deepest of furrows between his brows, so devastatingly gentle. And Eddie kind of wants to fucking scream at him for being okay. He'd needed to take care of Buck. He'd needed to have something to do. But now Buck is looking at him like he can fix him, and Eddie wants him to. So badly. But Buck knows Eddie's grief is for South Bedford Street, not LAX, so all he does is lead Eddie out to the parking lot.

It's a silent drive. Buck tells him the details of the funeral. Clinical. Sparing. And Eddie watches Buck's knuckles turn white on the steering wheel. Listens to the creak of leather under an unyielding grip. And he sees it then. The countdown over Buck's head, ticking away steadily. He's grateful in a way.

They pull up to the house silently. The engine falls quiet. And they stare at the door. The door Bobby had appeared on the other side of just a few months ago for a goodbye dinner. At the house. The house Bobby made coffee in when Eddie couldn't stomach being alone. At the home. The home Bobby helped him build in every way.

Buck gets out of the car. Eddie follows. Buck unlocks the door. Eddie locks it behind them. Buck disappears into the kitchen. Eddie pauses.

Can't quite separate Bobby from kitchens in his mind. And it's not like Bobby ever cooked anything in Eddie's kitchen, but there's some stupid grief-crazed part of his brain that thinks he'll find Bobby at the stove for a last supper. A parting gift to Eddie. Because Bobby was always too good. Too generous. Too understanding. When it came to Eddie.

When he finally makes it in there, Buck is stood staring into the fridge. Vacant. Eddie joins him, presses their shoulders together as hard as he can without knocking Buck away, and looks at Buck's fingers curled loosely around two beer bottles. Eddie knows it's not the early hour staying his hand.

It feels wrong. To find comfort in alcohol at Bobby's expense.

Carefully, Eddie unpicks Buck's fingers from the bottles and watches as Buck's arm falls limp to his side with such weight it bounces off his hip. Swings once, twice, stops suddenly. Eddie grabs the water filter. Closes the fridge.

"Sit down," he whispers. Sure, steady.

Buck sits down.

Eddie grabs two glasses. Fills them with water. Leaves the filter on the side. Who cares? Who fucking cares? Takes the glasses over to the table in shaking hands. Spills only a little. Sits opposite Buck. Stares into his cup.

"I didn't say it back," Buck rasps eventually.

Eddie picks his head up with great effort. Ony manages it because he wants to see what hurt he's caused. Their missing medic. Absent in their hour of need.

"What?"

"B-he-he told me he loved me." Buck's eyes go wide. Horrified. Haunted. Hollow. "He t-told me he l-loved me, and I could-couldn't say it back be-because that would mean..." Buck chokes a sob into his hand. "I thought we'd fix it. I-I-I thought we'd find a way. We-we always do. I couldn't say it-it. I didn't want t-to let him go. And now, he's..." Buck's face crumples first. Then, the rest of his body follows, folding in on itself in the chair until he looks almost as small as Christopher had the first time he'd ever sat at this table. "He's d-gone, and he doesn't know I love him."

"He knows, Buck." Eddie's hand curls into a fist on the tabletop. Doesn't know what to do. For all he'd been ready to hold Buck together, he's not sure how. "He knows you love him, Buck. You told him every single day."

"But I never said the words!" he snaps. Pure rage. Pure guilt. He looks up at Eddie. Blue eyes wet and red and wild. The rage and the guilt seeps away, leaves only pure grief. "I never said the words."

He sobs then. Doesn't choke it down. Lets it out. Eddie reacts like it's instinct even though he's never done this before. Just somehow knows in his bones what to do when it comes to Buck.

He stands, rounds the table, slides a hand into Buck's hair, one on his shoulder, pulls Buck's face into his stomach and holds him there, holds him together. Buck's fingers tangle themselves in Eddie's belt loops. A lifeline. And Eddie holds him tight as he can.

"All the times you cooked for him. All the times he cooked for you. The two of you cooking together. You had your own language, Buck. He knows you love him."

And all Eddie hears is: you're gonna stand there with a hundred-something bodies on you and tell me I'm not fit for duty. Did Bobby know Eddie loved him too?

Squeezing his eyes shut tight, Eddie drops his cheek to the top of Buck's head. Stops holding Buck together and starts holding on. Buck's hands grasp at his hips, twist into the back of his shirt just like Eddie's had at the airport.

And all Eddie hears is: I just want to make sure you don't think you have to lose everything before you can allow yourself to feel anything.

"don't run off on your people because you have no idea how hard it is on them" buck baby don't bring that precious dog into your gay breakup with your bestie it's none of his business