Sir That Is My Emotional Support Male Celebrity That I Direct All Of My Male Attraction Towards Bc He

“‘You said I killed you — haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers. I believe — I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always — take any form — drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, god! It is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!’”

Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë

i have thought a lot about censorship and what is “appropriate”. not a lot of people know this, but lolita was written to show what we allow on our bookshelves: there being no swear words in it meant it was free from censorship. a book about child molestation was allowed because it didn’t explicitly use the word “fuck”. he wrote it to show we don’t really care about protecting children, and it ended up being seen as a romance.

someone once told me - actually, many people have - that lgbt content isn’t appropriate for children. any content. not just kissing. i’m drowned in questions: “won’t the parents have to explain it?” “kids shouldn’t be thinking about sex at this age, or do you think differently?” “what will the kids think?”

at six i saw disney movies. people kiss and get married. i didn’t ask “what does that mean.” i didn’t ask “are those people going to have sex?” i didn’t ask anything, because i was six, and no six year old thinks twice about these things. nobody ever “explained” being straight to me, it was a fact, and it existed, and i was fine with that. why would being gay require a thesis, i wonder.

someone once told me that the one of the reasons people hate lgbt individuals is because they can’t see us as anything but sexual. we’re not people, so much as sinners. that they don’t see love, they see sex. just sex. it’s perversion, not a matter of the heart. only of the body.

i think i was in my early twenties before i saw someone like me. 

how old were you, though, before you saw violence? before you saw sexual assault on tv? i think something like that is only pg-13, and if it’s implied, they can get away with anything. i remember watching things and learning about blood, but knowing sex - sex was what was really wrong. sex was always rated r. sex was always kind of a bad word. i was told a lot that i wasn’t ready.

i had a dream last night that i made a site where people could ask any question they wanted about sex and get answered by a professional. it was shut down in moments because 15 year olds wanted to know if it should hurt, if “double-bagging” was a real thing, if this, if that. we shudder. don’t let the children know about that! 

but at thirteen i had seen enough violence it no longer struck me. i couldn’t say “fuck” but i knew that if you break your femur, you can bleed out internally in under half an hour. in school i wasn’t allowed to write about loving girls because what would the administration think - but i could write about wanting to kill myself and people would say how lovely, how blistering.

i have thought a lot about censorship. sometimes people on this site try it with me: don’t write this, don’t be so nasty. some of it is intrinsic. we know as people with a uterus not to complain about “that time of the month”, we know better than to talk about sexual assault (how shameful), we know that talking about a vagina is somehow scandalous. i can say “dick” and nobody questions me. some people only refer to the bottom half of me by “pussy”. they won’t wrap a mouth around “vagina” like it’s poison to them. even discussing this, that the language halts, that there’s an intrinsic desire to say “girls” instead of “women” - feels naughty, illicit. not for children.

the other day someone suggested i make my blog 18+. i said, okay, it deals a lot with depression and other problems that might be for a mature audience. oh no, they said, that’s not it, i think that’s helpful. i said, okay. so what is it then. well, you’re gay. you write about loving women. and i said, i don’t write about sex often and they said. it’s not about the sex. but wlw isn’t for a general audience. teenagers aren’t ready.

oh.

lolita is recommended for high school and up. i think about that a lot. i know girls who love it, who say it speaks to them on a deep level. it’s beautiful prose, after all. that was the whole point of the novel. something that looked like a rose but was intrinsically awful. i think about how if i was a model they’d want me to look young, thin, prepubescent. how my body would be sold and how through the mall i walk by images of barely-clothed women while mothers cannot breastfeed in public without fear of retribution. 

i think about how i can write a novel about violence and it will be pg-13 but if my characters say “fuck” twice it’s inappropriate. i said fuck three times so far in this post, which makes it only appropriate for adults. 

i think about that, and how my identity is something that people suggest lines up with a swear word. that people shouldn’t talk about it. that it’s a vulgarity. bad for children, harsh, confusing.

fuck. i love women. which one makes this only for those over eighteen.

The Signs as Unexplained Feelings

Aries: Rubatosis- The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.

Taurus: Altschmerz- The weariness from the same old issue you've always had.

Gemini: Adronitis- The frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone.

Cancer: Kuebiko- The state of exhaustion inspired by senseless acts of violence.

Leo: Kenopsia- An eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but now is abandoned and quiet.

Virgo: Ellipism- The sadness from never knowing your destiny.

Libra: Occhiolism- The awareness of the smallness of your perspective.

Scorpio: Exluanis- The tendency to give up talking about an experience because others are unable to relate to it.

Sagittarius: Onism- The frustration of being stuck in one body that inhabits only one place at a time.

Capricorn: Lacheism- The desire to be struck by disaster.

Aquarius: Nodus Tollens- The realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore.

Pisces: Mauerbauertraurigkeit- The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends and family.

you know what’s really irritating

when male academics constantly refer to men by their surnames and women by their first names

like you’d never go to a lecture expecting shakespeare to be referred to as “william” but it’s not at all uncommon to sit through an entire lecture in which jane austen is referred to constantly as “jane”

it’s such a petty thing but it just really rubs me the wrong way, like it has a real suggestion of respect and admiration/lack thereof

SAM’S VALENTINE’S DAY COUNTDOWN ↳ 4. GLENN & MAGGIE (The Walking Dead)

Maggie, I’ll find you…

Simon Alexandre-Clement Denis - Study of Clouds with a Sunset near Rome (detail)

Friends to lovers prompts please?

Friends - To - Lovers AUs

“I can’t keep doing this!”“Doing what?”“That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I can’t keep ignoring what we have.”

“I refuse to go from being friends from one minute to your lover the next. It’s tearing me up inside.”

I’m sorry. But I can’t stand watching you with them, they’re not good enough for you.

I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have fallen in love with my best friend.

I was having a really shitty day and you turned up at my house with all my favourite foods and just said all the right things. Wow, why have I never seen you this way before?

It makes me feel sick to my stomach listening to you coo over your new partner. And the worst part is that I have to smile and nod like it’s not killing me inside. 

Something happened and we agreed to never discuss it again. For the past two months, you keep trying to bring it up but I shut you down every time. I don’t want to ruin what we have. 

“I’m a little bit nervous. I’ve rehearsed this in my head a lot and I just didn’t think I’d have the chance to say it.”“Well, why don’t you let me talk?”

“You knew? All this time you watched me get nervous and flustered and embarrass myself in front of you and you knew? Do you know how many times I laid in bed regretting every embarrassing thing I had said?

I only found out you were in love with me because your mum let it slip over dinner; and seriously??? you’ve loved me for that long?

This is possibly the worst way for you to have found out and I’m never going to live this down.

I didn’t have a date to prom so I joked that we should go together, I wasn’t actually expecting you to show up on the night in a dress/tux with flowers and a limousine??? you really went all out?

“so are you guys friends?”“yes.. no! yes — no. yes. it’s just complicated right now.”

You refused to tell me who your crush is so when you went to the bathroom I decided to read your diary because, as your best friend, I deserve to know. haha, I’m gonna find out who your crush i— holy shit, it’s me.

now that I know you have a crush on me, I’ve been debating whether to bring it up for the last half an hour and analysing every little thing you do and Jesus Christ, I don’t know if I can wait before you tell me.

“Let’s just pretend this never happened.”

“I’m not okay with just pretending.”

I never would’ve played that game of Spin the Bottle if I knew it’d change everything so much.

“It was just a game. It didn’t mean anything.”“It did to me.”

“No, we’re not dating. Why would you think we were?”“Have you seen each other together? Strangers probably think you’re married!”

Yeah, so I had a dream about you once and I keep thinking about what it’d be like if that was a reality.

Is that what my subconscious has been thinking about this whole time?

We’ve known each other for years and I can count on my fingers the number of awkward silences we’ve had. Why has that suddenly changed?

Ok, maybe talking about whether fish have feet would’ve been acceptable when we were friends but I think it’s just considered weird as a couple.

We never touch each other so when you patted my arm lightheartedly, I literally think my heart leapt out of my chest and danced. Please do that again.

→ If you liked this, please give it a reblog to let me know!

→ If you post any writing to Tumblr using these prompts, please credit/tag me appropriately. I spend a lot of time working on these prompts so some credit would be greatly appreciated. :)

→ Send in requests!

→ Follow my personal writeblr: @numberedneptune  

Happy writing!

- Jess

i honestly believe human beings are not meant to live like this. we are meant to live in loving communities and be around nature every day and grow our own food and create art and not work day and night until we die. this longing for another life is not human nature, it’s a symptom of modern society.

I'm sorry but how am I supposed to act normal about these 😭