My Love Language: Making Sure You Feel Safe Enough To Be Vulnerable With Me.

neeed

i’ve come to the conclusion that a hot femme holding me down and saying ”shh baby… let me take care of you, okay?” in a soft voice would probably do more for me than therapy ever could

submission really doesn't mean anything to me if it's not earned. true submission is built on trust and feeling safe and appreciated. that's what makes it so meaningful, and you have to know me in order to submit to me. I want to know that you're submitting to me specifically, because of the way i make you feel and who I am. Telling me that I'm perfect and that you'd do anything for me right off the bat means absolutely nothing. those are empty statements because you literally do not know me!! It's not special if you're just trying to submit to whoever will allow it.

art will save you, being unreasonably passionate about something niche will save you, letting past sources of joy show you the way back to yourself will save you, earnestness over composure will save you, the natural world will save you, caring for something bigger than yourself will save you, daring to be seen will save you, kindness not as a whim but a principle will save you, appreciation as a practice will save you, daring to try something new will save you, grounding will save you, love will save you, one good nights sleep will save you

nothing i love more than touching a girl whilst she’s talking about her interests. hearing her stumble over her words as you speed up and slow down. giggling at her and replying “oh yeah that’s so cool” as you push a finger inside watching bliss wash over her pretty face. encouraging her to carry on talking as you fuck harder into her until she can barely speak.

this post is about wlw, men and minors dni.

yearning for being talked through it like, one hand working between my thighs as they look into my hazy eyes and keep asking me if it feels “good?” “yeah?” “gonna cum?” “gonna give it to me?…” "doing so good for me, baby…"keep going… " & praising me when they get a dumb reply😵‍💫

she’s a 10… but she just needs you to be patient with her because she's never been loved properly.

u know sometimes it hits me that i am deeply, expressly loved, and fuck, guys, i honestly remember being depressed as shit and so hopelessly sad, and so fucking alone, and i swear, i know it sounds like bullshit when people say “it gets better” because i thought it was bullshit, i thought it was just “it gets better for everyone else but not me,” but it’s really really really not just other people. it means you.

i am so fucking loved, i am loved beyond my own comprehension, and 5 years ago, i would have never known, i would have never guessed, i wouldn’t have ever even believed it. 

and yeah, i’m still fucked up and i still have a shit ton of issues, but i’m not alone anymore. i’m working through them, and someday, i will be okay. there is light at the end of the tunnel, as cheesy as that sounds. i have shitty days, in fact, i have more bad days than good days, but my friends love me and hug me and tell me they love me in a million different ways, and i don’t feel alone anymore. 

it gets better. i swear on my fucking life, it gets better.

i am so fucking grateful, so goddamn fucking grateful, for what i have. i have a close few friends that love me for who i truly am. i have friends who know me, who get me, who i don’t have to lie or pretend about anything, and they get me, and most of all, they understand and accept it. they encourage me. i have friends who believe, 100% in me. i have friends who love me. 

5 years ago, i didn’t think i’d ever have half of what i have today.

things get better. 

i’m not a different person. i am, more or less, the same. i’m still not a happy person, i’m still a cynic, i’m still a pessimist, etc. but i am happy, sometimes. i am happy and i smile and i look at my best friend and i laugh out of sheer joy. things get better, and you don’t have to change who you are. 

i don’t know what my point is. i guess: i don’t know. i feel like so many people here send me asks saying that they’ve had shitty days, or there are kids who have had shitty months or years or lives, and honestly, i can’t promise you’ll be okay, but i can promise that this is not forever. 

you will not be in this situation forever. 

5 years ago, i was suicidal, depressed, and profoundly lonely. 

i haven’t had a real suicidal thought in over a year now, and when i do, it’s always fleeting. i am happy more than i am sad. i’m still lonely, and i’m physically alone a lot still, but i can call my friends and talk for hours with them. i fall asleep smiling, some nights. 

there are bad nights, and i still have my fair share of hurdles to overcome, and lifelong burdens i’m going to have to carry, but i can keep walking, every single day. i can get out of bed without forcing myself, i can smile without feeling like my face might break, i can laugh without feeling strained and exhausted.

i didn’t believe any of this was possible 5 years ago. i didn’t even think i’d live to see my next birthday, 5 years ago. i’m so glad i did.

i’ve seen 2 of my nieces take their first steps. i taught my nephew how to say my name. i’ve pet an inordinate amount of dogs and cats. i’ve lost people i loved, and i’ve gained a few. i got to see my cousin graduate. i have my incredible, wonderful, spectacular best friend, a human being that i literally love with my entire soul. i have friends who are different and funny and strong and loud and beautiful and loving. i have had every single one of my top 10 happiest memories in the last five years. i have felt safe and loved. i have laughed so hard i cried. i have laugh lines, now. 

the best moments of my life have happened in the last five years.

so maybe this is dumb and i should stfu, but i promise, i fucking promise, this isn’t forever. it isn’t. it might suck and it might hurt and it might be the worst thing in your life, but someday, it won’t be like this.

so believe me when i say: it gets better.

i really crave semi-sexual dominance so much :(

you pinning my hands above my head and kissing not my lips but my forehead. your fingers playing with my nipples when we’re cuddling only to shush me and stop when i get too whimpery. you bending me over the counter and pushing your bulge against my ass only to reach the top shelf. delivering one hard spank before you leave the room again. us making out against a wall until i’m panting and grinding against you, only for you to step away and smirk at how desperate i get for you. you using my instant submission as a quick ego boost for yourself whenever you feel like it. your hand squeezing my thigh just a bit too hard when we’re sitting at the table with friends.