I'm So Attracted To Emotional Intelligence Like Damn The Way You Actually Listen And Communicate Turns

Sex stuff you probably won’t learn from fanfiction and/or porn:

Erotic fic and porn can be a lot of fun! But if you aren’t being provided with adequate sex ed through other channels (comprehensive sexual education, frank and open discussions with trusted adults, etc.), turning to fanfic and porn for your understanding of sex is gonna leave some major blindspots and may leave you with some unrealistic expectations. While there’s nothing wrong with these kinds of erotica, they are fictional and tend to leave out a lot of the more realistic, human parts of sex - they serve a great purpose, but that purpose isn’t primarily educational. The following is an incomplete list of some things you should probably know about sex that a lot of fic and porn tends to leave out:

It isn’t always super hot or super sweet. Sometimes it’s super silly. Or sometimes it’s sort of mundane and you’re both simply scratching an itch. That’s fine too. (Hell, sometimes you’re talking about comic books while boning and your partner is laughing that you’re getting REALLY ANGRY about spider-man while they’re going to town on you.)

You will probably not climax at the same moment. It’s a sweet idea, but extremely hard to coordinate, and if all your concentration is going into coming at the exact same moment, you’re probably not enjoying yourselves as much as you might. 

Sometimes bodies make weird, goofy noises. Squelching, slapping, air-escaping, un-sexy noises. It’s okay to laugh at this. 

Hell, it’s okay to laugh during sex in general.

Sometimes you fart. Sometimes you fart while someone is going down on you and it is embarrassing as hell. This isn’t the end of the world. Embarrassing body things happen. Heck, sometimes, with anal, there’s a little poo. You get over it.

Sometimes sex is… kinda bad? This doesn’t mean it’s assault, or something traumatic – sometimes it’s consensual but just kinda bleh and not what you hoped for. The best thing to do (if you’re talking about sex with a partner and not just a hook up who you can not call back) is talk to them about it. Figure out what went wrong, what you enjoy and what you don’t, and communicate what techniques you do and don’t like. Also don’t be afraid to stop someone in the middle of the sex act you’re not enjoying and offer guidance on how to help make it good for you too. (Side tip: masturbation makes great research into what you personally do and don’t enjoy sexually)

You won’t enjoy every sex act. Not every body is wired to find every thing pleasurable. You might find anal does nothing for you. You may find g-spot stimulation just makes you really anxious that you’re about to pee. You may not enjoy giving or receiving oral. You’re not broken if you don’t like something that every pornstar or smutty fanfic protagonist seems to have earth-shattering orgasms from. Everyone’s got nerve endings in a range of places – it’s quite literally, different strokes for different folks.

On that note, not all orgasms are earth-shattering. Sometimes it just feels warm and nice. That’s fine too. 

Sometimes, if you’re neutral on a sex act and your partner loves it, you can suck it up for them, and they’ll suck up something they’re not crazy about for your pleasure in return. But communicate preferences with each other! Know that when a partner does that thing you love that they don’t get much from, that it’s an act of care, and vice versa. 

Falling asleep in each other’s arms right after wild passionate sex seems really romantic, but dried and crusty fluids are gonna be a bitch in the morning. Also, after sex, you should both (regardless of your equipment) go pee to clear out the urethra of any gunk or bacteria to reduce risk of a UTI. 

Putting a towel down on the bed before sex means you don’t have to sleep on wet funky sheets. (it’s also verrrrrry useful for period sex if you or your partner menstruate.)

A lot of people don’t like dirty talk, or rough sex. Always ask first. (Fanfic on the whole does a better job than porn at showing communication, but a lot of it is still highly fictive on this point)

PROTECTION PROTECTION PROTECTION. Use condoms, dental dams, etc. not just to prevent pregnancy, but to reduce risk of STIs. (Yes, even couples with the same genitals who don’t need to worry about pregnancy).

Lube is great and very important, but random goopy things around you are not good lube. Random oils especially, since oil doesn’t flush out well and can trap bacteria inside the body – oil-based lubricant also degrades condoms. Use lube specifically designed for intimate purposes. Water-based and silicone-based lubes help sex feel really good!

Bigger isn’t necessarily better. A lot of people with vaginas don’t enjoy the feeling of being repeatedly punched in the cervix by a monster cock. Some people enjoy a larger size when being penetrated by an appendage or toy and some don’t.

Bodies are hairy. Genitals are hairy. You may get a pube stuck in your teeth at some point. If your partner is WAY fuzzier than porn ever led you to believe they’d be, well, that’s normal. 

Not everyone loves the taste of ejaculate. Sometimes it’s nasty (flavor tends to vary from person to person depending on their diet, but sometimes you just really don’t like it no matter what. Some of us hate the taste of peanut butter. People don’t always like things). It’s okay not to swallow, or to request a penis-having partner warn you so they don’t ejaculate in your mouth (in fact, it’s polite for them to do the latter). 

If you’re gonna have shower sex, get one of those rubbery mats for the shower floor that gives you traction, because otherwise it’s super embarrassing to call for an ambulance while dripping wet and naked because you slipped and accidentally broke something and your partner got a concussion while you were trying to bang in the shower. 

Moaning and screaming wildly during sex is fun but it will make the neighbors in the apartments adjacent to you hate you. Make choices accordingly. 

"Old friend" is a gayass thing to call someone

I just LOVE being a switch.

When you're feeling dominant turn me into your crying mess with your fingers deep inside me.

When I'm feeling dominant let me have my hand around your neck with my strap pumping in and out of you.

When we're both feeling submissive let's rut against each other's thighs while we whimper into each other's mouths, desperately needy and aching.

When we're both feeling dominant let's tear each other's clothes off while we back each other up against every wall in the house, and probably break a few things on the way.

Ugh it's just so perfect.

"I feel safe with you" as a compliment >>>>>>>>

If she's an overthinker it means she needs to be fucked until her brain turns off

I’m always so excited when a sub tells me they don’t like something. I love it when a sub communicates with me about their wants. “Would it be ok if we didn’t ____?” Yes!!! I’m so proud of you for asserting your boundaries. “I don’t think I want to do ______.” Then we won’t! I’m so glad you told me, thank you! Communication is the best part of kinky sex you can’t change my mind.

But like, can I lay my head on your tummy and have you play with my hair 👉👈

“Hands behind your back.”

The words leave my mouth calm and measured, but there’s no mistaking the edge beneath them.

You hesitate—just for a second. Barely long enough to register. But it’s enough.

Wrong move.

I close the distance in three slow, deliberate steps, the air thick between us. My fingers grip your jaw, firm, tilting your face up so you’re forced to meet my eyes.

“What part of that was unclear, sweetheart?”

Your lips part like you might speak, like you might offer some excuse, but no sound comes. You just stand there, breath caught, waiting.

Then, finally, you move. Reluctant. Obedient.

Your arms slip behind your back, slow as surrender.

I circle behind you, my hands trail down your sides, mapping the lines of your body like a territory I already own. Then I lean in, mouth brushing against the soft skin of your neck, just enough to make you shiver.

“You want to be good for me, don’t you?”

I whisper it low, so close you feel the words more than hear them. You nod. It’s small, unsure. But it’s honest.

“Then be good,” I murmur.

You let out a soft, shaky whimper when the restraints tighten around your wrists—leather pulling snug, final, inescapable. I don’t rush. Every motion is slow and deliberate, to remind you that you’ve given yourself over completely.

And when I lean in again, my mouth at your ear, my breath hot against your skin, and I don’t raise my voice. I don’t need to.

“Stay still,” I whisper, voice like a promise. “And take what I give you.”

Non-sexual dominance is so cute-

"Come here, baby"

"Let me help you"

"Be careful"

"Come lay here, Princess"

"Sit on my lap, kitten"

"Come cuddle"

"Hold my hand while we're out"