So My Thing Is I'm Both A Freak And A Creature

“Emotional abuse works like this: You are screamed at, and then, not knowing any better, you stand up for yourself. You think this is a way of being strong. You think this is a defense tactic.But this only provokes more screaming. Going silent provokes more screaming too, but usually it keeps the threats to the minimum. It keeps it just at screaming and not: a shove down the stairs, or order to pack your stuff and get out. So you learn how to go silent. How to play dead. How to cry without making a noise. How to swallow noise. How to wipe your cheeks, get out of the car, and go about your day. You learn. And when the screaming has stopped, when the two of you are in the car or out to dinner and they’re all smiles, all asking for favors, all questions, you are still hurt and annoyed and want to ask them, how? How can you speak to me like that? How can you pretend you did not say those things? How can you have forgotten? But you’ve learned. So you listen to, “Can I borrow your key”s and “how was your day”s and you play dead. You swallow the noise. And sometimes it doesn’t matter who is speaking to you, it doesn’t matter if they’re a friend, it doesn’t matter if their criticism is constructive, it doesn’t matter. You’ve learned. Any sort of speaking, any raising of the voice, any insult and you play dead.”

— Good Girl, Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)

Finally put on my binder after not wearing it for a bit and just

If I'm trans, it is taking me so god dam long to fully figure it out

was asked to share about Bitzy the clown so im gonna!!

excuse anything that doesnt make sense or spelling errors i currently have a migraine lol

this is just surface level stuff that shows who they are as a person

okay so bitzy started off as a clownsona that i could imagine saying what i was really thinking to customers/coworkers whenever i got mad at them when i used worked in customer service lol, it really helped me chill out and control my emotions

they were originally a character that i imagined doing badass stuff to music when i went on 4 hour long car rides every weekend for half a year, it helped pass the time and keep me sane

but yea bitzy very early in development was just the embodiment of what customer service does to a mf

inspiration for them: The Collector from the Owl House, Steve from Big Top Burger, The Ice King from Adventure Time

they go by they/it

VERY gender, will wear anything

but will scratch at their skin if its exposed so they tend to wear clothing that covers their limbs

they have adhd and theyre autistic, they dont/are unable to mask

theyre immortal, they can die (usually it happens in the stupidest and funniest ways), but they keep coming back, because their worlds rules say that theyre supposed to be there, always

they are inorganic (by earth standards), along with everying in their world

theyre a literal creature, able to contort and warp their body into anything, usually unsettling scary shit

they became a god-like entity, accidentally

that gods purpose is to observe and experience

though they are not the leader type, preferring to be lead by someone else

they dont need to eat, sleep, or drink due to being immortal, but they occasionally do if they want

has a personal, wholesome, and wordless relationship with the one deity thats a higher being than them, but they rarely see it, about once every thousand years or so. it shows them the stars

sometimes they forget theyre a god though so they act like a mortal more often than not

they have a really bad memory, like, amnesia type bad. half is from repression, half is from head trauma when they were younger. also has constant headaches, the worse they are the more likely it'll mention them. both of these are partially a result of their powers

they arent as funny as other clowns, and theyre bad at entertaining and improv

as a clown they should enjoy performing for others, but they do not, instead preferring to do so alone and only for themself

hates being percieved and analyzed

it used to be a jester

sometimes works on cartoon-like physics

in their world theyre a wanderer, and though they have a home they dont use it often

their house is like a huge blanket/pillow fort that sort of resembles a circus tent

theyre very childish, and from an outsiders perspective they seem kinda empty headed

even though they are childish and whimsical, they HATE being babied

will get irritated if clothing is asymmetrical

favorite color is red

is fascinated with celestial things, too bad there's no sky in their world....

shorty, especially compared to other clowns, they can change their height but prefer not to (it lets people think theyre harmless)

very unpredictable, quick to irritate, never know what theyre gonna be chill about and what theyre gonna have a meltdown over

they try to refrain from hurting others though, hating the reputation they have due to....'events' that happened when they were younger, events that were not their fault

theyre very impulsive, not thinking before doing, but that doesnt mean theyre an idiot

can be incredibly stupid when it comes to certain things and incredibly smart when it comes to others

they cant navigate a conversation when theyre involved in it but if theyre just observing they can easily figure out intentions of the conversing parties, things those involved in the conversation wouldnt be able to decipher at all

many try to befriend them for selfish purposes and bitzy can tell, they can always tell, theyve always been able to tell

it doesnt have a reflection

theyre vehemently TERRIFIED of bodies of water, especially the ocean....

is also scared of being in a car, but not the car itself.... wonder why....

they find it funny to be chill and silly around people they know are terrified of them

something is clearly wrong with them, like theyre putting up a façade and ignoring how fucked up they are mentally

10,000 years of living in self inflicted isolation can get to a person

stuck in a state of dream-like escapism

escapism is a huge part of their story

loves liminal spaces, because, well, it lives in a world of nothing but that

has daddy and mommy issues, thats why theyre insane /j

very emotionally mature when someone is being vulnerable with them

great with kids surprisingly

has a cult dedicated to them that they do not approve of, but will use that fact to one up people

those who dont know of bitzys reputation are bound to insult and underestimate them, and then... well... they figure out who they are

bitzys overall mentality is "you dont fuck with me, i dont fuck with you"

has an immense appreciation for earth, and by extension humans, wonder why? they arent even supposed to exist in their world....

has a way tortured past

does not like the sound of jingling keys or keychains, it reminds them of some bad people, and stresses them out

they have a high pain tolerance but will fake getting hurt just to be dramatic

they also just tend to overreact as a joke, getting fake mad at little things just to be funny

powers can be emotion based though, and boyyyyy do they have some big emotions

has a gripe with technology

is not aware of peoples personal bubbles

never comforable enough to be vulnerable with anyone (anyone except for daydream)

despite being a chaotic and probably annoying person to be around theyre a good friend, who often puts their friends needs before their own, but they only have one friend that this is applicable to lol

can be unintentionally funny by being painfully truthful/blunt

struggles with reading due to brain damage, is more of a physically active person than a mentally active person anyways

if i havent made it clear enough, they are a complete outcast, but by no fault of their own, even before they lost their marbles they tried everything to get people to like them for them. it never worked...

theres a big 'secret' about bitzy i havent revealed yet but.... maybe this spotify playlist of songs that vaguely tell bitzys story will be a helpful hint ;3

What is this about the tumblr staff wanting to sell art data to midjourney?

An ex-colleague of mine mentioned yesterday that there may be contacts between Automattic and midjourney in that direction, but nothing is public yet and I don't have any more info. They probably won't have anything specific to share either, since they left the company weeks ago too. That being said:

I have no reason to doubt my ex-coworker word, they are a trustworthy person.

Tumblr's CEO has been absurdly enthusiastic (comically, even) about AI, and is a big fan of LLMs and 'AI' companies.

A deal with midjourney could solve tumblr financial issues (not the same company, but openAi is paying up to 5 million/year to news companies to use their content as training data... tumblr generates several orders of magnitude more content than any newspaper or any media company and it only would need a 20 to 30 million per year deal to be profitable)

So I don't have any extra info yet, but I'm keeping my ears open.

BING BONG (srry for the inactivity I do really want to post more :•[ though I hope I will since I'm trying to really get back into art so ye!)

I

I fIGURED IT OUT

I CAN 3D SCULPT NOW

Maxwell the cat dancing to BISCOCHITO by Rosalia

Well said

RAHRHAHARAHHRAHGRARGAGAGRGJAJGRARGGRRRGRGGRRRGGRGGRGRGRGRGGGGRGGGGGRGR

I've been thinking about this for a hot minute. I first used Duolingo for learning Spanish, and recently I started learning japanese

Now one thing I've been told many times by others learning the language is that the grammar was horrible, and as soon as I got to a point where it tried to teach grammar... Absolutly it does kinda suck (the apps grammar, not the languages grammar). I will say I loved learning kana on it because it taught kana in a way that made it super easy for me to memorize. But that's literally all you can use it for

Which brings me to my main point; why would you make an app literally useless. Like, kana is important to learn, but that's just the alphabet, so why is the main focus of the app - language learning - unusable?

On top of this, I read a Reddit post made by someone who used the app for Japanese, and they admitted that the forums were actually a significant part of being able to use the app, because others using the forums would correct mistakes made by the app. Why would you take away a part of the app that is literally helping people learn the language. Which is. The entire point of the app. What.

It isn't about actually helping people anymore and I hate it

If anyone was wondering, Duolingo just got even worse.