The Smallest I Remember Being Was Somewhere In My 160s And I’m About To Be In My 160:s IM FUCKING PROUD

I was about to say life works in mysterious ways but no it doesn’t. I’m that powerful. Girlies don’t judge me but I was letting the 3d affect me for a hot second until I realize I controlled my reality cause im that bitch.So here’s a little success story.

I’ve been affirming i attract money and several money affirmations for the last couple of days. Just a little side note in the last 3 weeks I have only worked 1 day for 4 hours. My check should have been less than 40 dollars because of taxes. I would say someone explain to me how my check was 200 dollars. BUT THATS BECAUSE I CONTROL MY REALITY AND SAID FUCK THAT I WANT MORE.

You control your reality. The other day I sobbed my eyes out at the 3d but I still saw results because at the end of the day I knew that I had everything I wanted because I control my reality.

I honestly and truthfully hate myself.

My hair:

I’m black and I get perms and I really wanna go natural. Told my mom and she told me that if u were to go natural all I would do was get made fun of. My relaxed hair grows so fucking slow and turns nappy really quick so when I get sew-ins you can tell the difference and I already get made fun of for that plus my fave is already fat and the only thing that makes it look slightly better is my hair. Yikes

My body:

I’m fat. I have scars everywhere. My thighs look like drum sticks. I have hip dips and that plus the way I already look makes me go from a 1 to a -12. I have stretch marks literally make me look so fucking disgusting and I have so many that I know that none of them are going away even when I lose weight. SOMETHING SO SIMPLE AS MY FINGERS ARE EVEN A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT. my fingers couldn’t be fucking normal and straight and have of them if curved. My fucking nails are just annoying. My sister lifted my shirt and goes oh I thought ur stomach plugged out a lot more than that.

My skin:

My pores are fucking huge. Every time I shave you can see the pores in my leg from a mile away and it looks like a have a fucking disease, I have bad hygiene and I don’t take care of my skin and it’s fucking disgusting.

My face:

My acne is so bad. My hyperpigmentation has literally ruined any confidence I had left. My teeth are ducked up and the adults in my fucking house hold refuse to get me a dentist appointment.my nose literally is a pig nose which makes it SOOOOO much better bc I am a fucking pigs. My eyes are this dull dark brown. Not that beautiful hazel color that everyone loves it just plain and fucking boring.

There is nothing for anyone to love about me. There’s nothing for me to love about my self.

bitch u better be selfish when it comes to doing what’s best for u

i’m seeing a lot of people reblogging suicide hotlines and this is just a reminder that this is a suicide help line that works like a text-based instant messenger for people who may need to talk to someone but have trouble/are uncomfortable making phone calls

So normally bc I’m overweight my period is very irregular. Like I can miss a year or longer and then when my period comes I make up for those weeks that I missed. But I just got my first normal on time period.

I can't rebrand my whole blog and just leave my past followers in the dust. I hope everyone takes care of themselves and remember that I love you not matter what and I want all of you safe.

Eating Disorder Recovery Websites

1) http://eatingdisorderrecovery.com/index.php/home - Features a free eating disorder recovery workbook that helps you manage eating disorder symptoms. Includes blogs to help inspire eating disorder recovery. Allows visitors to post and discuss problems and questions in a forum that is monitored.

2) http://www.recoveryboat.com/ - A website that offers peer support for eating disorder recovery. This site includes a forum for those struggling. It also provides basic information about eating disorders for those suffering and those supporting a loved one who is suffering. Lastly, it provides some therapy exercises that can help overcome eating disorder behaviours and symptoms.

3)      http://www.something-fishy.org/ - An all exclusive website that provides a treatment finder, forums, eating disorder information, hotlines, and more. This site even includes resources for books and self-help worksheets to help combat eating disorder symptoms and behaviours.

4) http://www.webiteback.com/ - A pro-recovery website that exists to help others overcome their eating disorder and to combat pro-ana websites. This site provides a forum for users to post on to get advice and share struggles of their eating disorder. This site also provides an extensive resource list for those struggling.

5)  http://www.nedic.ca/index.shtml – The National Eating Disorder Information Centre. This website features all you need to know about eating disorders. It has a resource library that includes links on where to get help. NEDIC runs public service announcements and campaigns that you can get involved with in your own community.

6) http://www.eatingdisordersblogs.com/ - This site is a compilation of blogs written by different people to help inspire you to overcome your eating disorder. You can find blogs written by Doris Smeltzer, Karen Koenig, and even Jenni Schaefer. These blogs provide information on eating disorders, skills you can use to recover, and resources you can access.

7) http://www.mirror-mirror.org/ - This is a site dedicated to help promote awareness for eating disorders. It helps to educate about the dangers of eating disorders. It also has links to resources on getting support for your eating disorder. It provides information on relapses and has a relapse prevention plan. It gives a lot of ideas on coping skills to deal with the hard emotions you feel instead of using eating disorder symptoms.

8) http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ - This website is dedicated to advocacy for eating disorder recovery. It provides resources to help teach about what eating disorders really look like. This site provides resources for recovery as well. This is the organization that holds the National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, held at the end of February. This site provides stories of hope that encourages others to seek out recovery.

9) http://eatingdisorderscoalition.org/ - Advocacy at its best! This site is your guide to help get legislators and representatives to hear your voice and get legal action for eating disorder help and recovery. You can find facts and information about eating disorders on this site. You can learn how you can advocate and lobby for eating disorder recovery at the federal and state level.

10) http://www.mentorconnect-ed.org/ - A website that pairs mentors and mentees together to help support those in eating disorder recovery. The purpose is to pair those who have been in recovery and those who are struggling with an eating disorder to share experiences, provide guidance and to help each other through the journey of recovery. 

To my Muslim followers, I hope you have a safe, happy, generous and blessed Ramadan.

Something happening I’ve been hating myself a lot more than usually lately and it’s kind of sad kind of fun kind of scared but it’s all good in the hood.

Ads have been running 30 minutes in a tummy tuck. Thank u for reminding me I’m fucking fat.