You Can Get A New Appendix.....

yep.

Character analysis of Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind by someone who really has BPD and its correlation with 8th house in astrology:

This movie is written by someone who has themselves had BPD. This I am sure of. When I watched this movie, it was like someone took my mind and made a movie out of it. Only someone who actually suffers from BPD and has gone through a similar situationship in life can write this story. Period.

Clementine is into witchcraft. She changes her hair color because it transforms her identity like someone with moon in 8th house. Her emotions are volatile, she is quick to anger and easily irritated. She must have inherited this emotional instability from her maternal bloodline. She has intergenerational trauma and psychological instability. 

She writes a lot of letters, takes Joel to Charles river, gives him a lot of gifts and makes his life so exciting because she has idealized him. She has a mental image of a perfect boyfriend and cannot see the real person in front of her. She projects the same mental image on every boy she dates. She repeats the same thing with everyone. She must have an absent or unavailable father. She wants a caregiver who will love her unconditionally. She forces intimacy on the first date because she craves union of soul and deep connection like that of a parent and child.  

This is why Patrick goes through the exact same storyline in place of Joel because Clem idealizes every person she dates, does the exact same things with them to PLEASE them so that they will not leave her. She has intense fear of abandonment and rejection. She brings excitement to life because she fears rejection. She constantly creates drama because stability feels scary to her. This is someone with 8th house Moon.

She idealizes every man who gives her attention, does things for him to impress him and please him, repeats same letters/drawings/dancing with everyone. When some months have passed she fears engulfment and boredom. She fears that now she has exhausted her supply of excitement. She is not fun and colorful anymore. Before the guy dumps her, she will dump him. Her sense of self depends on the guy she is dating. She purposely chooses guys with low self esteem and adds excitement to their life because she wants to control them so that they cannot leave her. But then she sees their flaws after some time that the man she is dating is actually a mediocre person with low self esteem and poor character traits. She has pattern of choosing similar guys. 

Out of sight out of mind. pwBPD forget people in a snap. It is like the whole relationship never happened. This is why they did not show Clem going through the procedure because her mental illness  automatically erases the whole relationship from her mind after she is done devaluing Joel. She has not gone through the procedure. Her mental illness BPD has erased her memory. 

Idealization, rushing into relationship, projecting a perfect image of boyfriend and relationship, intensity. Then devaluation, seeing the flaws in the person, fearing abandonment. Black and white thinking, extremely defensive, a lot of arguments. She has no self concept, no self image, no self esteem.   

She mentions “I’m crawling under my skin". This is Moon in 8th house. Intense emotions, so deep and so strong that you feel like you will explode. I have suffered with this my entire life until diagnosis.

She is promiscuous and has sex with every man because she feels like her only value is sex. She forces intimacy with men by oversharing every single embarrassing thing with them and having sex with them so that they won’t leave her. She wants security and stability in her life. Which is why when Joel says “my life is not that interesting. I go to work come home", she licks her lips because she wants this stability, consistency, pillar of strength in her life to hold her through the storm and chaos in her life. She tells him that when she was young she wanted to transform her girl doll so that it would magically transform her and then she says “never leave me". She has no self image. She is intentionally creating intimacy and self pity so that Joel will feel like a caregiver. Joel feels like a man, strong, protective. She wants this rock figure in her life. Clem has an endless pit of emotional needs that no man ever can satisfy.    

Notice how Joel says “I met this girl Clementine, she is amazing”, “I thought you were nuts but you were exciting", “I love you", “How cool I am attracted to someone’s back”, “and then you just took it without waiting for an answer. It was like we were already lovers", "you are lucky you have Clementice. She is cool". These are not the words of Joel. I repeat. These are not the words of Joel. Clementine is doing maladaptive daydreaming. She has MDD disorder. She is thinking these words about herself from Joel's POV because she can only see herself in relation to someone else. She has no self identity at all. She feels invisible, like a void unless she is being seen by someone else like an audience. Clem is thinking these things about herself in her daydream. She wants to be praised. She wants to be seen and appreciated.

This whole movie might just be her Maladaptive Daydreaming episode. Perhaps this whole movie is just an MDD thing. This is why they add science to it because Clem is daydreaming the whole movie and making things up. MDD coexists with BPD. The person cannot distinguish between real life and fantasy. They are so engrossed in it. They repeat the same scene until perfection. They especially repeat the “good" scenes many times because it gives them kick and rush.

Notice how the same scene is repeated many times in the end? This is because Clementine is doing maladaptive daydreaming. A maladaptive daydreamer repeats the same story in her head 100 times again and again like mad. It gives her dopamine. This is a compulsion. She is addicted to it. The “science" involved in this movie is not real. Clem is daydreaming everything and making things up.  

Clem also has a drinking problem.

This whole movie is a MDD episode of a person with BPD. I have daydreamed similar love stories in my head throughout my childhood, teenage and early 20s and then I went through a similar situationship. Then I was diagnosed with BPD. After which I found out I am gifted in astrology, occult. I have calmed down now and have done deep soul searching and have a self concept. I have treated my BPD to a large extent.  

Notice how every guy in the movie has had some relationship with Clementine? Clem idealizes men. She is daydreaming that all these men desire her, want her, everybody loves her, she is so cool and different. She wants to be loved and fucked by every man because they gives her security, validation, safety, self confidence.

Notice how Joel is already in relationship with Naomi? The other girl in the movie who is receptionist is in love with Howard who is married? This proves that not only Clem but even the receptionist also has BPD. Girls with BPD are intensely attracted to committed men because it gives them a sense of stability, caregiver, protection, father figure, rock figure. When I was 5 or so, I used to fancy marrying/dating men who were 50+

Notice how Clem and Joel are near the sea and Clem is jumping like a child while Joel walks beside her like a father figure? This is a fantasy in Clem's mind. She sees herself as a little girl. She has not grown up. This is why she is so exciting because she is literally a child mentally. This is why they also show them going to Joel's childhood because both of them are stuck in their childhood trauma and never grew up past it. Childhood traumas are signs of 8th house. Both of them are doing shadow work. They hate each other by the end of relationship because this is a karmic relationship to reveal their shadows to them.

When these people erase Joel's memory, Clem is daydreaming it all happening. Notice how the receptionist girl only talks about Howard? Because she is obsessed with him. She also has BPD. But she flirts and has sex with this computer guy because she wants validation, attention but she idealized Howard in her mind. While Howard has a messed up married life, she cannot see that because she only thinks in all perfect/all bad worldview.

Clem has an emotional meltdown where she feels like her skin is coming off and she is getting old. Nothing makes any sense. She cannot distinguish between feelings and facts.

Clem gets offended whenever Joel says something against her. She gets extremely defensive and insults him. She fears rejection and criticism. She also makes double braids because she is a child emotionally. She is impulsive and takes decision without thinking anything.

I can go on and on. But this is it for now.

cuties

Louder for the peeps in the back ✋✋

Some people will stand up and fight for injustices happening to fictional characters but won't show the same passion to stand up for real, actual living people.

就应你说的吧。从今往后，天下英雄永不陌路。 I accept your advice. From this day on, heroes will always look out for each other.

Come play with me

“Growing old and dying, is the beauty of the fleeting creature called a human being. Because they grow old, because they die. They are tremendous, loveable and precious. What they call strength, isn’t a word that is used in regards to the body.”

All of the "Pro-lifers" that are celebrating right now I sincerely hope you or your daughters never have a Miscarriage that they cannot naturally pass, because a D&C is an abortion.

I hope you don't have a ectopic pregnancy, because the procedure that will save your life is an abortion.

I hope you don't have a still born baby that your body can't naturally pass because that induction is an abortion.

I hope you are never in a place where carrying a baby full term would mean your death (as mine would, my doctor looked me in the eyes and told me if I get pregnant again I WILL NOT MAKE IT, and fuck you all because my kids need a mom more than they need a sibling.)

I hope you don't find out your baby has a condition that will mean being alive for how ever long will cause them excruciating pain, that you don't have to birth your baby and watch them die a horrific, painful death in your arms.

I hope you aren't raped and forced to carry that baby to term no matter the detriment to your mental/physical health.

I hope you aren't forced to give birth to your abusers child, giving you no way out of the relationship.

I hope your 10 year old is never assaulted and have to carry a baby to term that will almost definitely will kill her.

I hope that you don't go to jail when they investigate your miscarriage and determine that something you did made it YOUR FAULT.

I hope you realize you and your daughters will die from laws you created.

I hope you realize the consequences of your actions because you may have to suffer through them.

Prompts

Hi! You can choose any prompt number, with a character/ship/self-insert with a character and put it in my ask box! I’ll try my best to write a short drabble/fic for you! You can also specify the genre, like angst, fluff, etc

1. “That’s how the story goes.”

2. “None of this is your fault.”

3. “I know it hurts.”

4. “Are you serious?”

5. “You’re safe now.”

6. “No one’s going to hurt you.”

7. “I don’t understand.”

8. “This isn’t what I wanted.”

9. “My head hurts.”

10. “I’m right here, okay?”

11. “Wow, you look… amazing.”

12. “Are you okay?”

13. “Who did this?”

14. “I made a mistake.”

15. “When I’m with you, I’m home.”

16. “There’s nothing I can do anymore.”

17. “This is going to hurt.”

18. “That was kind of hot.”

19. “Please don’t let me be alone.”

20. “Don’t try to fix me. I’m not broken.”

21. “It’s never too late to get back up again.”

22. “What if one day I wake up and you don’t?”

23. “I immediately regret this decision.”

24. “I’m not okay.”

25. “I’m scared.”

26. “You’re the one thing keeping me sane right now.”

27. “Please stay with me.”

28. “Please help me.”

29. “It’s okay to cry.”

30. “Is that blood?”

31.“Can I kiss you?”

32. “You’re everything to me.”

33. “I’d like to see you try.”

34. “Are you testing me?”

35. “I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re beautiful.”

36. “I’m lost without you.”

37. “You have my word.”

38. “I’m just tired.”

39. “It just… hurts.”

40. “Do you promise?”

41. “I’m not drunk enough for this.”

42. “Why are you shaking?”

43. “I never meant to hurt you.”

44. “Is that my shirt?”

45. “Please don’t shut me out.”

46. “Go back to sleep.”

47. “I can take care of myself just fine.”

48. “This is new.”

49. “Take off your shirt.”

50. “Be you. No one else can.”

51. “I can’t breathe.”

52. “Are you going to talk to me?”

53. “I’m sorry.”

54. “They’re gone.”

55. “Just smile. I really need you to smile right now.”

56. “Would you just hold still?”

57. “I miss the way things used to be.”

58. “Am I dead?”

59. “Look at me.”

60. “Can we just pretend like we’re normal for once?”

61. “I told you not to fall in love with me.”

62. “Please shut up. Just shut up.”

63. “Please tell me it’s going to be okay.”

64. “Yell, scream, cry, please, just say something, anything.”

65. “When you smile, I fall apart.”

66. “If I die, I’m never speaking to you again.”

67. “If you don’t want to talk about it then say so. Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t.”

68. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

69. “I just really miss talking to you.”

70. “I can’t do this on my own.”

71.“I’ve got you.”

72. “We’ll figure this out.”

73. “Please don’t say goodbye.”

74. “You’ve shown me what love can feel like.”

75. “You make me feel alive.”

76. “I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

77. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

78. “I’m just looking out for you.”

79. “Be careful.”

80. “You owe me.”

81. “Come with me.”

82. “I trust you.”

83. “I didn’t want you to see this.”

84. “I’ve been praying for you.”

85. “Take my jacket. It’s cold outside.”

86. “I’ll walk you home.”

87. “Let me help.”

88. “Come here.”

89. “You’re holding back.”

90. “Remember when we were little?”

91.“We’re all a little stronger than we think we are.”

92. “Don’t sell yourself short.”

93. “This isn’t who I am.”

94. “I’m willing to wait for it.”

95. “Are you ready for this?”

96. “You can do this.”

97. “Your life was my life’s best part.”

98. “You were always gold to me.”

99. “Don’t look at me like that.”

100. “I’m fine with where I am now.”

101. “We all want to be somebody.”

102. “Promise me you’ll come back.”

103. “I don’t know anyone else who can make me feel this way.”

104. “I’ve never felt stronger than when you’re with me.”

105. “I believe in you.”

106. “Hold on, we’re coming.”

107. “I won’t let you fall.”

108. “Hey, it’s me, it’s just me.”

109. “Oh god… what did they do to you?”

110. “Can you stay awake for me?”

111. “Who gave you permission to fall asleep?”

112. “I’m going to make that sick bastard suffer for what he did to you.”

113. “Don’t look” / “Look at me”

114. “Here, you might need something to bite on…”

115. “I thought I’d never get to see you again.”

116. “I know you can’t talk, but I just want you to know that I’m not going anywhere.”

117. “I’m not leaving you here!”

118. “Hold my hand.”

119. “You’re so cold…” / “You’re burning up”

120. “I know it hurts, I’m sorry.”

121. “I’ve got you.”

122. “Please be okay.”

123. “I’m sorry I failed you, I should’ve been there.”

124. “Just keep the pressure on it.”

125 “Please don’t leave me, I can’t do this without you.”

126. “I find you rather…boring.”

127. “Can you please just hug me?”

128 “Please don’t, I’m holding food…”

129. “May I please read in peace?”

130. “What is the one thing I told you not to do?”

131. “That really looks good on you.”

132. “You have such a way with words.”

133. “That look on your face bothers me.”

134. “Will you just let me love you already?”

135. “I swear I will wipe that look off your face.”

136. “Come one step closer and you will regret it.”

137. “Do you really want to fight about this?”

138. “Not right now, I’m busy.”

139 “Oh, now you’ve done it.”

140. “I DO understand, just so you know.”

141. “Why are you in love with me?”

142 “Are you trying to seduce me?”

143. “Please don’t say that and just walk away.”

144. “Why did you just bite me?”

145. “Hey, I think you have a fever!”

146. “How can you possibly look good with snow in your hair?

147. “What the hell is a period?”