Straight Boys Are Weak And Pathetic, Queer Girls Walk Into The Ladies Changing Room And See Ten Women

one of many reasons castiel spent the first year of knowing dean trying not to strangle him: dean’s weird little winchester-only dialect

i’m fucking obsessed with this right now, so buckle in for a meta. a cool fun (horrible) thing about dean’s dialogue is that a good 90% of what comes out of his mouth is:

a pop culture reference (“you’re just gonna take some divine bong hit, and shazam, you’re roma downey?”)

references to real life phenomenon (“i don’t wanna wake up missing a kidney in a bathtub full of ice” “try new mexico, i hear he’s on a tortilla”)

these also often take the form of nicknames, and dean has a tendency to give people nicknames in general or call them something besides their given name, whether it’s affectionate or rude (“easy there, van damme” “so i’m girl interrupted” furthermore castiel = cas, ezekiel = zeke, etc, see also frequent use of “chucklehead” “asshat” and on the nicer/endearments end “buddy” “pal” “sunshine” etc)

an idiom (“a snowball’s chance” “if it smells like a duck…”)

slang (“drinking the koolaid” “jonesing for some hooch” not to mention the literal endless amount of words dean uses to refer to killing - gank, waste, juice, ice, etc)

a metaphor (“power up your batteries” “fly me back to my page on the calendar”)

a euphemism (“cloud seeding” “i’d have given you an hour alone with her first”)

sarcasm (his habit of replying “peachy” or “super” when asked how he is)

wordplay (see: the entire “vampirate” and “werepire” debacles)

completely nonsensical (guessing what happened to a magical artifact: “it was dug up by tomb raiders? it was seized by the king of the dead by warlords?”)

said at lightning speed - if you pay attention, dean actually talks a LOT, usually a mile a minute (this makes me feel a way when you recall him being nonverbal for a year at age 4 but that’s another post)

slang IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE (casual usage of “guano,” etc)

a lie, a deflection, a joke, etc

or worse, something dean’s NOT saying, deliberately, because he’s one of the most repressed people on earth

the end result of all this being:

dean winchester is utterly infuckingcomprehensible. 

think about this. there’s an ENTIRE SECTION on EVERY SINGLE EPISODE PAGE of the spn wiki devoted to JUST explaining dean’s pop culture references, because the average viewer won’t have seen everything he’s talking about either. they have a whole page for this called “hunter’s lingo,” but honestly, it’s not all hunters, just sam and dean’s fucking batshit communication style. even i don’t understand dean half the time. SAM gets it, sam speaks it back to dean a lot in the early seasons, but that’s because sam and dean are 1. practically two halves of the same person 2. FREAKS. every time we get an episode that involves outsider POV is devoted to them going “what the fuck is WRONG with them?”

enter castiel. technically speaking, the show implies that angels are omnilingual. castiel should understand every language known to man, but knowing the meaning of words doesn’t help him understand the following:

pop culture references

references to real life phenomenon

nicknames

idioms

slang

metaphors

euphemisms

sarcasm

wordplay

you get the idea.

listen to me. look me in the eyes. castiel cannot understand a single fucking word that comes out of dean’s mouth. my guy laid a hand on dean winchester in hell and immediately fell in love with him and has no fucking idea what he’s talking about ever. because not only is dean winchester’s way of speaking CLINICALLY insane, and sometimes incomprehensible even to other human beings who are not sam, castiel is an angel, and someone prone to taking things even more literally than other angels do

go back and watch and watch seasons 4-5 especially. the reason cas does so much squinting and head tilting is because every time dean opens his mouth castiel has to open up his mental “dean winchester dictionary” and translate entire paragraphs on the fly, because again, dean never shuts up!

what makes this extra hilarious to me is this gem:

this line is from 5.13. at this point cas has known dean for AN ENTIRE YEAR AND A HALF. what you see here is my guy SNAPPING. cas made an EFFORT in this scene. he asked who glenn close was. he’s telling dean that he can’t understand him. he is doing his level best to have a normal conversation with this guy he has a crush on and for the life of him he cannot do it (equal but opposite energy to cas blowing up the gas station and motel room in 4.01, tbh)

yes, cas can understand dean’s tone. he can use context clues, and he usually gets the general idea. and when cas DOES understand dean’s jokes, he laughs at them. the first time we ever see him smile is during their 4.07 heart-to-heart when dean says “it was a witch, not the tet offensive.” since cas has knowledge of human history, he knows what the tet offensive is; he got the joke, and he laughed.

but as far as actual dialogue goes, he consistently struggles to keep up. even after metatron gives castiel the pop culture knowledge in season 9, cas struggles to put it to put it to proper use (dean: “you wanna just walk right into the death star?” cas: “what does a fictional battle station have to do with this?”). whenever he asks dean to clarify it’s always when he’s most annoyed, like most of the time he knows it would be futile but he’s too annoyed to care. (dean: “i don’t know who’s on first, what’s on second!” cas: “what IS second???”) i’m pretty sure he spends seasons 4-6 wanting to shake dean by the shoulders and ask him why he is LIKE THIS. 

it takes cas - who, again, is omnilingual - YEARS to begin to acclimate to dean’s speech and start speaking that language back to him. it’s season 8 before we start really hearing him use slang, season 9 before he begins to understand wordplay, season 10 before he starts using pop culture references (to other angels, who immediately fail to understand him, which disappoints him immensely), and season 11 before he really gets into metaphors. i don’t remember what season he started using “yeah” instead of “yes” but i do know it took a really damn long time. 

and honestly, i don’t think cas truly got the hang of it until at least season 11-12. that’s something like 7 or 8 YEARS. it’s more than half the time they’ve known each other at the point of the series finale. 

so what’s true romance, fellas? it’s falling completely and totally in love with the most inexplicable person you will ever meet in your whole 4.5 billion year life, even though you have yet to understand a single thing he’s ever said to you. thank you for coming to my ted talk

This has finally made it to my dash

“our teeth and ambitions are bared” is a zeugma

and it’s a zeugma where one of the words is literal and one is metaphorical which is the BEST KIND

This finally popped up again, reblogging for it gets better every time!!!!

“i am a monument to all your sins” is such a fucking raw line for a villain it’s amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos

To all INTJs: if you want to join the intj chat just message me or reblog. I’ve created one chat, you could also search it.

Quality addition

I am convinced that Halloween, Met Gala and Spotify Wrapped are the official gay holidays, I don't take constructive criticism

Them: What's your gender

Me: Contracter

Them: no, what's between your legs

Me: Diz hammer

screaming

As opposed to what Puki?

Feeling very unethical today, might spread hate

Just a reminder that Castiel was a captain and highly skilled strategist while he served in heaven as a seraph.

Not to mention he was highly admired, enough to persuade half of the Host to follow him rather than his rival (an archangel) in his civil war.

In “Point of No Return” he faces five angels all by himself and is able to do so and still come out alive by carving an angel banishing symbol onto his own body.

Moreover, he would have to had been concentrating on not letting any of the blood flow from the carving while fighting off the angels, so as not to alert them with a bloody shirt until he was ready to actually use it.

Archangels are said to be “absolute…heaven’s most terrifying weapon.”

During the series, Castiel has faced all four archangels by himself, knowing it is certain death to do so. (In fact he was killed by two of them).

He managed to break into Lucifer’s Cage and rescue Sam.

In “The Great Escapist” he uses quantum super-position to remain out of Naomi’s grasp while protecting the angel tablet.

In that same episode, he dug a bullet out of his own guts while keeping the angel guarding him distracted before burying the bullet in the guard’s eye.

You should show him some respect.

How. The. Heck. Did they go through multiple dancing lessons without having The Conversation? Like literally how

Skittles, your guess is as good as mine, to be very honest.

Like, can you imagine how much Sherlock was dying inside, but still doing it all in hopes that John would ask Sherlock for one last dance at the wedding; and John just trying to convince himself that it’s for the best that he never told Sherlock… that he’s actually happy with Mary?

Can you imagine the wistful touches, hands “accidentally” slipping to the nape of a neck, or under a shirt on the hip, or at the top of a bum?

Can you imagine the glow of candles reflecting in each other’s eyes, each staring deep into the other’s eyes, wanting to say all the things they meant to say?

Can you imagine Sherlock being able to feel John’s pulse in John’s palms, and John seeing it on Sherlock’s neck?

Can you imagine the words ALMOST slipping out, but both too scared to lose what they have? Trying to convince themselves that this is enough?

Can you imagine them struggling to separate each night? Foreheads touching, fingers brushing against knuckles and thumbs rubbing on palms? Breathing each other’s air, lips SO CLOSE that they can almost taste the kiss that they will never share?

Can you imagine how long John takes to leave waffling between the door and his jacket, and then lingering on the stairs as the stare at each other, watching each other as John leaves? And Sherlock watches John leave down the street until John is out of sight?

Can you imagine?

Can you.

CAN YOU.

I'm sorry, but the way to call me out like that bruh.

Ok but what about the eldest daughters who read to escape reality, the ones who have crippling anxiety, the ones that don't talk about their issues because other people have it worse what about the ones that the ones that love their siblings but you have to be better than them all the time and them not get as appreciated for it so in a way you hate your siblings. The eldest daughters who aren't noticed until they mess up, until their grade goes down. The ones that everyone relies on all the time and they can't let anybody down or they'll feel indescribable guilt for it