[AU In Which Neither Of Them Becomes A Pro-hero Part 2]

Gwaine: Arthur asked me to pretend to be his boyfriend because his father is homophobic and wants him to date a noble but he ended up hating me so much that he was relieved when he found out Arthur was actually dating Merlin

Lancelot: Task failed successfully

Leon: Congratulations on being so awful you destroyed century old prejudices

okay just stab me i guess

you were kind; i was cruel

I adore it when Merlin goes away for a few days in a fanfic and all hell breaks loose

Arthur is grumpy because he misses Merlin and he hates it when anyone other than Merlin dress him. His hair is a mess and his clothes are crumpled, he’s missing one shoe but no one wants to tell him

The knights are walking in eggshells around him. Leons hair is going grey, and Lancelot is seen drinking wine during the council meetings

Gwaine is missing presumed dead

The kitchen is in a disarray, the usual schedules and menus are not being updated now that Merlin is gone

Bills have not been paid and new orders are not coming in. The merchants and fishermen are pissed. No one realises how much Merlin is actually on top of and how many people he has in his network

The Head Steward is scrambling to keep up with all the work Merlin seemingly did in his spare time. Some servants are wandering aimlessly with no tasks provided, while others are busy trying to finish up all the chores Merlin does in his sleep

Somehow the Kingdom is still standing (but just barely)

George is crying into the laundry (they ran out of soap two days ago because no one was instructed to make more) Merlin was always on top of these small things that most people overlooked — but now that he was gone, everything crumbled

Gwen could probably fix most of these issues, but has instead decided to go on strike on principle

There have been seven failed assassination attempts on the King. The Royal Spymaster is fired once Leon realised that Merlin is the unofficial spymaster

When The Royal Library and Mapmakers Guild requested a substitute scribe for the few days Merlin was away, everyone looked confused. For how long has Merlin helped them out too? Elyan volunteered, if only to get out of training

Mordred considers moving back in with the Druids and leave Camelot (this is not what he signed up for)

The council is in hiding for fear of further angering the King — one Lord mentioned Merlin by name and Arthur threatened to banish him, and since then no one has dared to speak his name again

Gaius officially retires and moves into a cottage

Merlin returns three days later like “what happened?!”

laughing through the pain

Merlin (who makes dramatic declarations of loyalty completely off hand like he doesn't realize at all how intense his words are): You're my destiny. Always have been.

Arthur (blushing, spluttering, pretty sure hes just heard the romantic declaration he's dreamed of since childhood for which nothing on earth has prepared him for): oh okay

Anyway Arthur beats himself up over it later and is completely convinced that Merlin must feel heartbroken bc obvi his lackluster response must seem like a rejection Que Arthurs increasingly ridiculous courting attempts as he tries to show his feelings with actions meanwhile Merlin is confusion but decides to enjoy his new privileges If it is some kind of enchantment it's better if he sticks close to Arthur until he figures it out anyway, right?

Sorry your boyfriend died and came back and died and came back and died and came back and died and came back again. He was trying to find you.

It’s kinda hilarious to me how down with murder Merlin is. Like I feel like most shows, especially family shows, have the character at least be morally conflicted about killing. If not out right refusing to kill.

Merlin does not give two shits. He murks someone in the first episode, zero conflict. His body count must be at least in the thousands by the end of the show (considering he took out a whole army). But let’s not forget all the up close and personal murders he commits.

I recently rewatched the changeling, and in that episode in quick succession he kills Grunhilda, the Sidhe and then gives Gaius a look like “do I need to do everything myself?” And gives Elena the potion. ZERO fucks given, he is so unfazed. Merlin is always down for murder. It’s so funny.

And I support him lol.

maybe I'm dumb that it took me this long to realize but when Arthur tells Gwen he has a dream to run away and be a farmer his only frame of reference for how farmers actually live is that one time that he was in Ealdor with Merlin sleeping on his cold floor and eating porridge and he hated it, my god, did he hate it but he was also with Merlin and it's the only time he didn't have to be Prince Arthur he could just be Arthur and he remembered that feeling of being just Arthur and Merlin and he coveted it so deeply that it became his dream?????