Flatline

flatline

pairing :  sean wallace x reader 

word count : 1,050 

summary : your relationship with sean is going downhill and you both don’t know what to do. 

warnings : spoilers, d*ath

a/n : this wasn’t requested but suddenly i felt sad during a song and i was like hey let’s overthink and create something dramatic! it’s my first one-shot about sean so i’d be happy if you take it easy on me ^^

lately you've been busy

wonderin' if you miss me

why did you go against me? i just wanna know

you knew it wasn't the same. you both knew you were far away now, no matter how hard you tried to bring the pieces together, glue them, tie them. every attempt to fix the mess has failed. anything you tried to keep this alive worked and you ended up feeling like a running child, breathlessly trying to catch the string of your kite. ready to burst into the tears, ready to watch them pool around your feet as the water increases right before it swallows your whole soul. no matter how many times you tried to ignore this feeling, he didn't fail to remind it back even though it wasn't his intention.

i was out there on the road, life out of control she became a victim to my busy schedule and i know that it's not fair, that don't mean that i don't care

he was ignoring the truth, trying not to feel, not to think just like you. he's always been better at not showing it, not letting people realize how badly it was eating him alive, losing the love of his life while living in the same house. watching her back as she sleeps, or lately pretend to sleep, and not feeling her heartbeats on his chest. not feeling her arms around his neck right before things evolve to making love eye to eye. how arbitrary phone calls ended a long time ago, saying 'i love you' was something you both said with the edge of your mouths. you knew you still love each other but can't a way to rekindle the spark and rebuild the connection once you had. and that was the worst. maybe if you had a very loud crisis or a real explosion in the middle of your relationship it'd be easier. you'd hate him and he'd hate you right before you pack your bags and ask him let you go, once you cry all the emotions and get yourself ready to leave your soul resting right next to him on your pillow. the moment you realized how much you loved him like no other before, you already knew  if this ends it wouldn't end well for you. it was obvious that you'd suffer more, you'd lose a bigger piece of yourself but you didn't want to think about that back then. you just run as fast as you can until you both realized your end has arrived.

wait maybe it's just a phase took a minute for you to say 'i'm sorry' don't ask if you really don't wanna hear it when i'm tellin' you how i feel you're bothered

your effort of delaying the inevitable end didn't change the truth, not one bit. when you realized you felt happy after having a simple conversation about your day with a few sentences then saying 'goodnight' to each other, you knew it was the time. this couldn't go like this because there weren't even ups and downs. your relationship's heartbeat got flatline. the relationship once you saw as your safe house was crumbling and falling down.

you don't feel a way you're gone away you don't listen you promised it wouldn't change

finally you decided to open up to him and give him some time to get ready like you both weren't trying to for weeks. 'try to come home early tonight, sean. we have to talk.' you said without looking away from your plate and that was why you missed everyone's shocked and nervous expression, including sean. but he was quick to collect himself. he knew this was something about to happen but did he want to acknowledge it. 'i'll try. can't it wait though? we might be busy with th-' 'it can't. you're always busy and you can be busy as long as you want after this.' he frowns at your words and your calmness. how did you end up like this? when did you get far away from him like this? it was like your body was right in front of him but your soul was across the ocean. he found himself wondering if any vacation or any gift could fix this. was there any way of fixing your heart after all these months? after all the pain he put you through? his thoughts got interrupted with your hand on his shoulder and a simple 'have a nice day.'

girl you always catch me at the bad time when i know you probably think it's a lie and i know i told you last time was the last time how could you pull the plug and leave me flatline?

he tried to hold onto this moment before losing you forever because he somehow knew this was the last time you touched each other. ''i'll, love.' he collects some courage before speaking again. 'i love you, y/n.' he notices how quickly you froze and it hurts him seeing you so unfamiliar to him. oh how he wishes he could go back in time and keep you closer, tighter. but you still surprise him with your 'i love you more, sean.' it was the purest way of showing your love towards each other and like a line which you didn't cross no matter what you were going through. he knew it was too much for you now but found himself apprecieting your effort anyway. maybe, just maybe, he could fix this and win your heart fully back. he knew he didn't deserve to hope this but he couldn't let his person go without showing any effort. he left the house with these thoughts and you on his mind. 

that was a day before it happened. the incident. he couldn't make it home like he thought. he couldn't make it back to you. not even for the last time.

i'm just scared you're gone away you promised it would stay the same

your last interaction was genuine regarding your situation, like you felt what was coming. it was the last thing he'd found himself thinking during his very last minute, as he laid on that floor while bleeding. you were the last thing on his mind right before everything slipped away and went dark.