If You Had A Bathtub Full Of Water How Many Slices Of Bread Would It Take To Absorb The Entire Tub. Goodnight!

dykes having a hat kiss:)

Bartender: thanks for stopping that bar fight, spiderman. Can I get you a drink? It’s on the house

Peter: thank you, but I can’t

Bartender: why not

Peter:

Bartender:

Peter, trying not to give his age away: I’m pregnant

Man, when I was like 16 I got so sick of being made fun of for being the fat kid that I took an axe down inna woods, chopped down a tree, and started doing log-lifts all the time. I got strong as fuck, but I didn’t lose no weight. I actually got bigger.

Same thing happened when I got into fighting. I got even stronger, and I got *fast*, man, and nimble, like a cat. Still chubby.

Body-building culture is a bunch of crap, my dude. Functional muscle is not necessarily toned or lean. You can be swole as hell and still be heavy. And that’s cool.

Embrace your inner barbarian. And when fatphobic little gym twinks try to body shame you, you should DESTROY THEM with your MIGHTY AXE

me at any given time: can we just buckle down and focus on the task at hand please???

my brain:

my brain: ……….ranibow sprimkle……………

I will be like "I'm fine" and then another fucking event will occur

vampires always like “i could kill you if I wanted” like? yeah? so could another human being. so could a dog. so could a dedicated duck. you arent special

Hey google do girls kiss each other

Hey google definition of a “lebsian”

Hey Google what does it mean if a guy likes girls kissing

Hey google diy HRT

Chilchuck Revealed in Five Keywords

5 keywords section from the Adventurer's Bible, this is transcribed from the EHScans translation for more info you can check this post. My own notes will be at the end of the post.

1. Encounter

Laios and Chilchuck were first introduced to each other through a member of the half-foot guild, Dandan. Though at the time Chilchuck was considering retiring from participating in dungeon expeditions due to his age, no other half-foots had the expertise necessary to accompany Laios to such a deep floor of the dungeon, so he agreed to go with them. Incidentally, the average lifespan for half-foots is around 50 years old. Since Chilchuck is the equivalent of about 50 years old by the standards of a modern human*, this would have been quite an early retirement for him. He intended to become a locksmith after quitting adventuring.

2. Weight Management

Compared to the average half-foot, Chilchuck is on the taller side. Accordingly, his body weight is greater as well, which means it's easier for him to set off traps. He's very meticulous and careful about maintaining his body weight at an acceptable level. However, after Senshi took over cooking duties for the group, he's become a hearty eater and his body weight keeps creeping up steadily.

3. Liquor

Chilchuck is a heavy drinker. Apparently his father died from excessive drinking, but Chilchuck thinks that dying while doing something you love isn't the worst way to go. Thus, he makes no effort to avoid alcohol, and heartily partook of the homebrewed beverages made by the residents of the Golden Castle.

4. Family

Chilchucks family consists of his wife and three daughters; all three of the latter are already independent. He and his wife were childhood friends, and they are the same age. She currently lives at their middle daughter's house. The panels shown bellow are** from one of Marcille's fantasies, and only Chilchuck knows the truth behind what really happened. In any case, since any lingering doubts about him cheating on his wife were cleared away, Chilchucks reputation amongst the women in the party (mainly Marcille) was mended.

5. Appearance

With their youthful faces and short stature, many half- foots are seen as adorable by others. Some of them use that to their advantage to do things like ingratiate themselves with people of other races or to commit crimes. Chilchuck thinks that though such actions may have short term benefits for the individual in question, in the long run it causes others to look down on the half-foot race as a whole, and loathes his brethren that use their appearances in that manner.

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*This part causes a lot of confusion, it says he's "the equivalent of about 50 years old by the standards of a modern human". I think this comparison isn't about objective age (29 being the equivalent of 50 would be like half-foots living to be the equivalent of 86 on average, that's 10 years more than modern human average), I think it's more likely about what his life stage is compared to humans today. The average lifespan for half-foots in Dungeon Meshi is 50 so he still got 21 years left on that, which would be similar to a modern day 50yo retiring (Average global life expectancy irl is a bit over 70). (Edit: btw, converting his age to tallman using this conversion chart we get 33, which I think is more accurate than 50)

**Original translation by EHScans says "panel shown to the left is(..)" but I adjusted the wording to match the post format

Stats

Timelines

Official version bellow the cut

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