Gordonlightfooted - Gordon Lightfooted

Amon Amarth

That time Harold was choking on a ping pong ball

why do fingers do the thing in water

The water reveals our true form from when we shared a common ancestor with prunes.

Johan Hegg in Northmen

The Strange Cuneiform Tablet of Kishar Zigan VII

This curious slab comes from around 4150 B.C.E., and belonged to Kishar Zigan VII, who was at the time of its writing believed to have been living with his parents, Kishar Zigan VI and Gilnind Hashur-Zigan.

Addressed to Zigan VII, the translation reads:

“Greetings, this is a tablet from Bauninsheg Shimsusa III writing in regards to your chariot’s extended warranty. The warranty is up for renewal. I’d like to congratulate you on your thousand shekel instant rebate and free maintenance and horse change package for being a loyal customer. Write me back at 14 Shenki-Nuesh street, Dilbat, Sumer, for details. May Enlil bless your travels.”

A strange and primordial culture indeed.

The feminine urge to blare heavy metal while you cook and clean.

We all know that you don't take requests whatsoever, so could you please refrain from telling us facts about music?

Indeed as I never take requests, I will tell you nothing whatsoever about music.

Music was invented on Friday the 13th in February of 1970, a day known as "The Black Sabbath." It consisted of a song called "Black Sabbath" on an album called "Black Sabbath" by a band called "Black Sabbath." Despite this, their music is considered to have been quite creative for the time.

New bands formed soon after and created more music. These bands, such as "Iron Maiden" and "Motörhead," played harder and harder music to listen to. The horrible screeching noises and loud banging drums they added caused many listeners to play Dungeons and Dragons, and as a result, music was banned for several years.

When music returned with the removal of Margaret Thatcher from office, a wide variety of sounds and styles of music were born. There was “Thrash Metal,” which was known for sounding like a person yelling over a demolition derby; “Death Metal” which sounded like a bear growling at a jackhammer; and “Black Metal,” which sounded a detuned radio scraping against a rusty sheet of corrugated aluminum roofing while someone with laryngitis tried to yodel. This was known as the golden age of music.

Thrash Metal, Death Metal, and Gothic Metal all lived in harmony, then everything changed when Korn attacked. Korn was called “Gnu Metal,” because it sounded like a Gnu had wandered into a recording studio and tripped over a bass guitar. The world of music was thrown into disarray. Thrash metal bands forgot what to play, and the giants of the genre such as Metallica and Slayer began playing Country music and Hardcore, respectively. Most Death Metal bands died. And Black Metal, well, just look it up, it’s history is way more demented than anything I could come up with. Korn itself grew very popular, and gained too many emulators to count.

Thus the state of music is dire and depressive, with little apparent hope. However, recent news suggests that a “Metalocalypse” is coming, which may revitalize the musical world…

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