Fun!

Butterflies

Butterflies by everydayistuesday Rating: Teen and up Word count: 3k

Sometimes, Cas gets butterflies. It can’t have anything to do with Dean, though. Can it?

As a person who is always looking for demisexual!dean fics, I feel like I hit the jackpot when I found not only that, but ace!cas as well when I found Butterflies in the tag. With 3k, this fic packs an emotional punch as Cas experiences a sexuality crisis that hit really close to home. Not only does he figure out that he’s ace, but he’s also biromantic. As a fan of bisexual!cas, this felt natural and right from the high school boy's perspective. 

Dean is exactly who we hope he is when Cas is finally able to confess, and we get a very sweet happy ending when Dean confesses his own secret too, one that only brings them closer. One thing I can’t forget to mention is how cute both these high schoolers are, Dean a total nerd with his Star Wars shirts, and Cas, the moody goth with his head-to-toe black wardrobe and black eyeliner. They’re adorable together, so you’re not going to want to miss this little read. 

I dip my Delaware in a nice, toasted glass of milk

hold on a fucking second. delaware is a state?? i thought it was a river? or is the river more important than the state? why don't i know this? (i should mention i don't like in america, i'm just confused)

there is delaware (state) and delaware (river) 

both are equally strange

the state is a tiny little cryptid thing

the rive is a monster that spans new york, pennsylvania, new jersey and delaware. also washington crossed it once and that was like kinda a big deal i guess. like crossing the rubicon in rome.

the state tries to me more important with its “im the first state!!!” bs (seriously its even on the fucking license plates) but we all know. its the river.

Everyone's talking about how Nina and Maggie seem on the outside to mirror Crowley and Aziraphale respectively, but it's actually switched, and Nina mirrors Aziraphale while Maggie mirrors Crowley.

But I haven't seen as much talk about how the same thing is happening with Shax and Muriel.

Shax is Crowley's replacement on earth at the beginning of S2, and Muriel becomes Aziraphale's by the end. Muriel and Aziraphale particularly are presented as very alike on the surface (see their enthusiasm over playing a 'human police officer' and an intrepid 'newspaperman' for example). And Shax is eager to learn from Crowley, who has kind of taken her under his wing and is teaching her how to be a demon on earth.

But beneath their surface appearances, Shax is actually a mirror to Aziraphale, and Muriel is a mirror to Crowley. Shax and Aziraphale are the (soon-to-be) leaders of their respective Sides. Muriel and Crowley are nobodies, insignificant (as of now) to either Side. Shax and Aziraphale are stubborn, ambitious, and determined to make real change to their respective organizations for the benefit (or detriment) of humanity. Muriel and Crowley both crave connection, they both have (or will) come to deeply care about earth and humanity, and they both are (or once were/still are deep down) openly curious and filled with wonder and love for creation. In season 3, it's going to be Shax vs. Aziraphale in Heaven/Hell, and Muriel and Crowley figuring things out on earth together.

This parallel is just as important as the Nina/Maggie parallel, and will arguably be more important in Season 3.

Nina and Maggie mirror Aziraphale and Crowley as a couple, as partners. How they have to all grow into themselves before they can really be together.

Shax and Muriel mirror Aziraphale and Crowley as individuals. Aziraphale and Crowley have become increasingly codependent for 6000 years, and even more so in the four years before season 2. They need this time apart to learn and become comfortable with who they are without each other. And in that time, their encounters with Shax and Muriel will push them to grow, challenge them, and help them embrace parts of themselves that, up until this point, they relied heavily on each other to bring out in them.

It's Aziraphale, who's always been stereotyped as soft, vulnerable, ultimately weak, who's going to showcase his own strength. It's Crowley, who's always seen as all walls and sharp edges, who's going to become comfortable with his own softness. It's Aziraphale, who's always relied on his connections, not just to Crowley but to the people in his community, the restaurants where they know his name, who's going to have to trust himself to stand alone in order to face off with Shax. It's Crowley, who started out "on my own side" and who's only ever let Aziraphale in on it, who's going to have to open himself up to meaningful connections, first with Muriel, but then with other people and the world.

I have a lot more to say about how this mirror works and how it might play out in season 3, so let's get into it! (Seriously, this is gonna be a long one)(Like I've been writing this for weeks).

Shax and Aziraphale

By the end of season 2, Shax is the new Grand Duke of Hell and Aziraphale is the new Supreme Archangel of Heaven, so they are now each other's counterparts, the heads of their respective Sides.

(Sidenote: I am making an assumption here — Beelzebub does offer Shax the position of Grand Duke, but it's unclear whether that means she's got it. Maybe she'll start the season fighting with the Dark Council for the position, if she doesn't immediately start as Grand Duke. But this parallel works even if she doesn't actually occupy that role yet).

Remember, Gabriel and Beelzebub in season 1 were going along with the Great Plan, but they weren't really personally invested in it, so when that didn't pan out, they both realized they didn't want the headache of another Armageddon. In season 2 they're largely disillusioned and done with the whole thing. It's hard enough running Heaven and Hell as it is, they don't need another huge project like that to add to their plates.

Unlike their predecessors, then, Aziraphale and Shax both actually have a vision for their respective organizations, a vision that is uniquely their own and wasn't just written down and handed to them.

Aziraphale, post-season 1, is deeply disillusioned with Heaven. It's just a great, dull bureaucracy, with no understanding of morality and no interest in learning, which means it does more harm than Good to humanity. He goes to Heaven determined to change it, to align it with the sense of morality he's developed over thousands of years spent among humans. He will bring Heaven back to its true Purpose of preserving Humanity and influencing them towards the Light. He will make Heaven really, properly Good.

Shax, meanwhile, is in largely the same place as Aziraphale when we meet her. Deeply disappointed that Hell is just a great dull bureaucracy, and that her job as ambassador to earth is too easy, that Hell can't even do real Harm to humanity. Hell can't even muster a proper legion of Demons, for Satan's sake! But as Grand Duke of Hell, she could change things for the worse. She could bring Hell back to its true purpose of tearing Humanity apart, influencing them towards the Darkness. She could make Hell really, properly Evil.

Aziraphale and Shax are both driven and ambitious. They're both disappointed in the institutions they work for and equipped with big ideas for change. They're both clever and steely and determined. They're both adept at influencing people to get what they want, with a kind or a harsh word (See: Aziraphale getting the whole street to come to the meeting; Shax riling up Maggie in the bookshop).

They're both stubborn, and they're both fighters, and their approach to problem solving is essentially single-mindedness and blunt force, insisting that they will get their way. (See: Shax storming the bookshop even though they couldn't get in; Shax reappearing as the Hitchhiker until Aziraphale relented; Aziraphale refusing to be threatened by the people in the Edinburgh graveyard; Aziraphale miracle-ing everyone into a Jane Austen novel).

I think they’ll go head to head in season 3, and I think that relationship with Shax is gonna be really important to Aziraphale’s growth as an individual, to him figuring out who he is without Crowley.

Because Aziraphale has always relied on Crowley to externalize his inner strength.

Crowley constantly pushes him, challenges him, forces him to confront the places where his orders from Heaven or what he was taught don’t align with what he truly values, what he feels in his gut. Crowley forces him to act when Aziraphale's standing there, twisting himself up into knots trying to be Good. It's not that Crowley gives Aziraphale strength, no, Aziraphale has always had it in him. It's Aziraphale's strength that draws Crowley to him in the first place (giving Adam and Eve the flaming sword — Aziraphale frames it as a spur of the moment thing but really it took great strength of conviction). But for the most part, it's Crowley who draws that strength out of Aziraphale, who helps him accept and embrace that part of himself, who makes him comfortable with it.

(Their encounter with Furfur is a prime example of this to me. Crowley's mere presence beside him means Aziraphale is calm and confident and it's extremely hot. He stares Furfur down, performs the magic trick with ease. Contrast that with how flustered he gets when Shax confronts him alone at the beginning of that episode. And how he gets even more flustered when Shax threatens Crowley).

Crowley tempts Aziraphale into trusting himself, into being himself. And Aziraphale needs Crowley — he admits that plainly, in the end. Without Crowley, he doesn't know how to be himself. Aziraphale fundamentally lacks self-trust and self-confidence. Crowley’s belief in him, Crowley’s trust in him, stands in for what he lacks on his own. Now, facing Shax, I think it'll force him to trust his instincts and his judgments, and ultimately help him see things more clearly. All this time he's kind of let Crowley do that clear seeing for him. Now he's on his own against an adversary that's evenly matched to him and I think it will force him to become more sure of himself and what he wants and believes.

I've said that I think we'll see a darker side to Aziraphale in season 3. But I think where he'll ultimately land is with a balance between softness and steeliness, one that's anchored within himself and not reliant on Crowley. Because of the way they're set up as each other's mirrors, I think Shax will be really important to that growth. Shax has this skill of pinpointing and exploiting people's weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I think this means she'll be part of what forces Aziraphale to confront all the uncomfortable truths and contradictions and complexities he's been pretending not to see in himself for millennia. I think he'll have to openly define who he is and what he values in response to her poking at his weak spots (not only in response to her — Aziraphale has far deeper Issues than just Shax — but she'll kind of force him to do that growth himself).

We can imagine that season 3 is going to build towards Aziraphale seeing clearly what Crowley's known this whole time, that the entire system is fucked and can't just be fixed the way he hopes to. And I think maybe, in another clever role-reversal, we'll end up with Aziraphale explaining that to Shax, convincing her to join him and take on the Metatron together. The forces of Heaven and Hell, allied. And Aziraphale, now firm in his convictions and sure of who he is, leading the charge.

Muriel and Crowley

By the end of season 2, Crowley and Muriel are both, essentially, exiles. Crowley has rejected both Heaven and Hell, and neither of them have much of an interest in him anymore, especially now that the Metatron has managed to separate him and Aziraphale. Muriel has been (not completely, but all the same) cast out of Heaven, left on earth to run the bookshop, but really because they know too much and have seen too much, and the Metatron needs them contained.

Crowley sees pieces of himself in Muriel, feels some sense of kinship with them. (I mean yeah outwardly he's annoyed by them but especially after their little excursion to Heaven together you know they're best buds). They both crave connection. They are both endlessly curious, and fascinated by the world and humanity. Pure, open wonder at the world. A deep love for creation and excitement about its potential.

And Crowley sees these things, and gives them The Crow Road to read, which I have not read myself but I gather from the summary on Wikipedia that it's essentially a crash course in humanity, for the purposes of this show. So in this way, everything that Crowley has come to admire in humanity, he imparts to Muriel. I don't know how conscious his choice of book was, but by giving them a book at all he is saying, on some level, look. Look how fascinating, how weird and complex, how infuriating and scary and wonderful humanity can be.

Those qualities still live in Crowley (just look at that smile as he's watching Nina and Maggie in the rain) even if the pre-Fall version of himself that could express them openly is barely a memory to him. He is still full of that wonder and fascination, that curiosity and love, even if he's in deep denial about it out of necessity. And I think Crowley's relationship with Muriel is going to be very important to him fully claiming and owning those parts of himself again, and figuring out who he is without Aziraphale.

Because Crowley has always relied on Aziraphale to externalize his inner softness.

Aziraphale constantly pushes him, challenges him, forces him to confront the places where his behaviors and actions, who he truly is, don't align with the detached, uncaring front he puts up, or his orders from Hell. Aziraphale names him kind and good with that knowing little smile on his face while Crowley twists himself up into knots trying to justify his actions as Evil. It's not that Aziraphale makes Crowley soft, Crowley has always had it in him. It's Crowley's softness that draws Aziraphale to him in the first place (not just the Starmaker, but the "hello, Aziraphale!" at the Flood, and the way he spoke to Jemimah, a million other instances throughout the millennia). But for the most part, it's Aziraphale who names the softness that Crowley displays, who calls it out and embraces it when Crowley cannot.

(The Job minisode is a prime example of this to me. I mean, Aziraphale is hella annoying about it but still. When Crowley looks him in the eyes, full of anger, and insists he's pure Evil, Aziraphale stares right back and demands he prove it).

Aziraphale recognizes Crowley, sees him clearly, sees right to the heart of him, in a way Crowley struggles to do for himself. And Crowley needs Aziraphale to articulate the parts of himself that he cannot give voice to, because of the threat of Hell but also because of the deep trauma of his Fall and the fear and despair he carries from it. Crowley fundamentally lacks the ability to truly express himself, to stand up and say, this is who I am and what I want. And more than that, Crowley's entire purpose for millennia has been protecting Aziraphale, helping Aziraphale, defending "our side" and their "precious, peaceful, fragile existence" from the threats of Heaven and Hell both. So without Aziraphale, Crowley doesn't know how to be himself.

Now, on earth, I think his relationship with Muriel will force him to do that, to name the parts of himself that he's always let Aziraphale name for him. To call himself kind, to admit how much he cares for the earth and humanity, to reconnect with that feeling, after pushing it down and denying it for so, so long. I bet he'll try to sleep until Armageddon comes, but Muriel won't let him. I bet they'll keep finding him, asking him questions, relying on him to guide them as they get to know the earth and humans. And I think that will force him to truly drop the act, to state plainly that yes, he's not as evil as he paints himself to be, he does care for humanity, and to reckon with all the reasons why he's felt the need to deny that for so long.

I think we'll see a lot more of Crowley's past trauma in Season 3. I think we'll hear the full story of his Fall (and if he tells that story to anyone, I bet it'll be Muriel). I think he'll have to truly process through it, and I think where he'll ultimately land is with a fuller, more complete version of himself, that he doesn't need to rely on Aziraphale to express. He'll never be the Starmaker again, that's not the goal. But he will be able to care openly, to protect the earth and humanity because he wants to, and not feel the need to cajole Aziraphale into agreeing to do it with him. I think Muriel will be really important to that growth. Muriel is learning, and they need a teacher. They need someone who understands that the qualities that Heaven looks down on in them are actually strengths, someone to encourage them and bring them out. I think they'll be part of what forces Crowley to confront those same qualities in himself, to recognize and name them himself. I think he'll have to openly embrace who he is and what he values in order to help them do the same.

At the end of season 2, both Sides are content to leave Crowley and Muriel on earth, among the humans. The threats they both posed to the system have been neutralized by the end of season 2, in their view. How much harm can they do, really? A heartbroken ex-Demon and a "dim," low-ranking Angel, on earth, among the humans?

Quite a lot of harm, actually.

Because here's the crucial thing. Everyone overlooks Muriel. No one cares what they're thinking. They're sweet and a bit dim and easy to manipulate, so it seems. But they have always been curious, eager to learn, eager to connect. And they're on earth now. They're meeting humans, asking questions, reading books ("they're like people, only portable!"). Muriel is learning, not as painfully or viscerally as Crowley did, but still, learning.

Crowley knows this story too well. Crowley has lived this story, and season 3 will be his chance to live it again. How do you bring Heaven and Hell down? It starts with the Muriels. The Angels whose spark of curiosity wasn't beaten out of them, who weren't important enough to be paid much attention to, who are still open to question and to learn. The most overlooked and underestimated are the most dangerous to a system like that. They're the ones whose questioning could bring the whole thing down.

We can imagine that season 3 is going to build towards Crowley seeing clearly what Aziraphale has known this whole time, that neither of them would ever be content to just run away and leave the earth to Heaven and Hell's mercy. And I think maybe, in another clever role-reversal, we'll end up with Crowley pulling his community together. Crowley rounding up Muriel (and Eric? and other Angels and Demons in the same place?) and all his human friends, banding together to save the earth from Heaven and Hell. Crowley, come to terms with who he is, making a stand to protect the humans he's come to care about so much.

because we need all the softness in our lives, could I ask for slow dancing + ineffable husbands? 🥺

I think we all deserve this, yes

---

Crowley—and he would sooner jump head-first into a pool of holy water and then drink it than admit this aloud—is happy. Deliriously happy, in fact. He's topped out the happiness scales and is inventing new shades of happiness as he twirls the stem of his wine glass between his fingers and pretends not to be watching Aziraphale across the table as said angel watches London go by through the rain-streaked bookshop window.

They're okay. They're both okay. The world, too, is okay. They've still got it. They've still got each other. All is right in creation and eternity stretches out in front of them, absolutely bursting with potential. It's the first day—since it is actually three in the morning now—of the rest of their lives.

So they ought to start, Crowley thinks, as he means to go on.

"Angel," he says, something inside him curling up warmly at the way Aziraphale's attention falls on him all at once.

"Mm?"

"You," he says, tapping on the back of Aziraphale's hand. "Owe me something."

"I owe you a great deal," Aziraphale says quietly, looking away.

That won't do. That won't do at all.

Crowley gestures vaguely at the record player, and the first strains of something soft and slow crackle in the air.

He stands, giving himself a moment for the room to stop swaying, and then offers his hand.

Aziraphale looks at it like he's never seen it before.

"Apology dance," Crowley says. "Version two."

Aziraphale continues to stare at his hand, an adorable little line forming between his brows.

"Come on," Crowley beckons with his extended hand. "Do you know how often I've offered to dance with anyone? At all? Once. Just now. You'd be missing out on a genuine historical event if you don't take me up on it."

Aziraphale takes another moment. He's gotten cautious. It'll wear off, Crowley thinks—hopes—sometime between ten seconds and a millennium from now. Give or take.

But that's all right. They've got time. And now he's not wondering anymore. He knows. He's just got to wait.

"C'mere," he tries, promising himself he'll drop it if Aziraphale doesn't take the bait this time.

But he does. Wonderfully, gloriously, he does. His hand slips into Crowley's like it was made just for the purpose. Crowley's fairly sure it was. Not even God could tell him otherwise.

Crowley does not slow dance. Generally speaking, short of emergencies or spectacular drunkenness, he does not dance, full stop.

But it's very easy to draw Aziraphale close. Rest a hand on his waist. Sway aimlessly with him in small, easy steps around the cramped quarters of the bookshop.

"There we go," Crowley speaks up once he's sure they're really doing this. "Think I like this one better."

And then, because he really wants to and he's still feeling very brave and at least a little drunk, he leans close to rest his forehead against Aziraphale's, and smiles. This is also, he thinks, where his head belongs. In the grand scheme of the universe.

"A-apology... accepted, then?" Aziraphale asks.

"Yeah," Crowley says. "Think so."

"G-good. Good. Crowley, I'm so—"

"Shh," Crowley murmurs, twirling Aziraphale away slowly and then pulling him back in. "Forgiven. Forgotten."

Aziraphale makes a noise of disbelief.

That won't do, either.

Slowly, ever so slowly, with all his attention laser-focused on Aziraphale to see if he flinches or pulls away or stiffens at all, Crowley raises a hand to his cheek, and strokes his thumb along the ridge of it.

"Would you forgive me again if I kissed you, angel?"

Aziraphale's breath hitches. The lights flicker. The record skips.

"Since when do you ask permission?" he asks, voice trembling again.

Crowley laughs, low and crackling along with the record player. "I'm not," he says, leaning in close, until there's barely the space for an angel to dance on the head of a pin between them. "I'm begging forgiveness."

And then he closes the distance, soft, tentative, gentle. Six thousand years, give or take, in the making. It feels like every second of it. It feels like every second was worth it, when Aziraphale opens up under him, and—surprise of surprises—darts his tongue out in the world's least practiced attempt at kissing back.

Not, honestly, that Crowley has any more experience. He's just not trying to rush headlong into the complicated stuff.

He pulls back laughing again, giddy with it, and gives Aziraphale another, more enthusiastic twirl under his arm.

"Well?" he asks. He knows the answer. It's written all over Aziraphale's face.

His angel clears his throat. "Well. We may need some practice to get that right."

Crowley breaks into a grin that immediately makes his face hurt. "Just as well we've got forever, then."

Air Himbo

Water Himbo

Earth Himbo

Fire Himbo

Can someone explain sabriel to me? Like I just don't get it. Sam and Gabriel never share any form of romantic moment, and I've seen some people say that they shared a backstory. Also, Gabriel sort of consistently tortured Sam, taking his computer (season 2, episode 15), killing Dean over and over to torture Sam (season 3, episode 11), in the gameshow he neutered Sam (season 5, episode 8), making Sam say that he has genital herpes (season 5, episode 8), turning Sam into a car (season 5, episode 8), etc. Plus, in the Mystery Spot, Sam made it his mission to hunt down and kill Gabriel, almost killing Bobby to do so. If anything, Gabriel favored/had a better relationship with Dean rather than Sam. In the first episode with the Trickster, he gives Dean a bed with two women in lingerie, plus was right there watching. And in the episode where Gabriel really, truly died, Dean yelled out for Gabriel while Sam just pulled Dean through the portal. Now, I am a full-on Destiel shipper, but Dean has so many boyfriends (For example; Castiel, Gabriel, Benny, Crowley) and I also ship him with all of them. So someone please explain to me why Sabriel?

If you drink febreez would your farts smell good?