Petition To Bring Back Saying "huzzah!" When Something Goes Your Way And "alas." When It Doesn't

Agent

Steve Rogers x reader

Angst -> smut -> fluff

Warnings - fighting, guns, Breif mention of R being ex hydra, panic attack, Steve being cold to reader, reader getting into shit, PinV sex, fingering that’s it I think? Written in my notes app

Masterlist

Since you had moved into the tower Steve had seemed pissed off with you. Cold hard stares, conversations only when nessesary, half the time he wouldnt even take you opinion on the movie for movie night. Just generally keeping you at arms length.

You tried your best still, working hard to earn his trust and respect but nothing seemed to matter. You made friends with the others, including Bucky, you cooked with Wanda, watched movies with Bucky, trained with Nat, you even cooped up with Clint in the vents sometimes with Thors poptarts but steve was a whole different ballpark.

Natasha was down after a solo mission went awry, leaving her out of training for a few days, that was when you got the text

"Training room in an hour. - SR"

You thought you were going to be training with Clint, Tony or even Parker, you didnt think Steve would volunteer himself to train with you, especially given the last mission.

Flashback

You knew the mission was going to go either way, Steve wanted it to be a stealthy in and out but bucky was hell bent on the fact that you would get caught in a fire fight and given he knew the hydra base you were all dropping into you were inclinded to trust his judgement, and that caused even more friction between you and steve.

It was the middle of the well predicted fight that steve seemed to really get pissed off. You were on the otherside of the base, backed into a corner and not responding to comms, to focused on keeping yourself alive. Steve was yelling down your earpeice trying to get a response, bucky silently making his way over to you. You were by no means helpless in battle but an eight vs one put the odds against you.

You were in the middle of trying to climb out of the hole in the roof you had made when steve grabs your hand, you let him pull you up, firing final shots as he does, taking the last few agents down as you are pulled to your feet.

Once your on your feet and check that no other agents are around you you look up at steve, meeting his eye and seeing what you took as pure anger.

"What the hell were you thinking Agent!" He nearly yells at you, the title grating you. Steve made a point never to use your name, allways using Agent instead and it pissed you off.

"Trying to save my ass is what! I didnt intentionally corner myself into a one verses eight now did i!?" You yell back, frustrated, adrenaline lessening now the fight is over, leaving you with the rampant post fight anxiety.

Steve goes to respond when you feel a presence behind you and a hand on your shoulder, bucky, the man seemed to understand you without words. He gets steve to back off, you know hes argued with him over his treatment of you and you know it probably doesnt help your relationship with Steve but at times like these you were thankfull for the backup.

Your hands shake as your brain automatically counts the number of lives you may have taken, you never asked for confimed kills, trying your best to avoid killing when you could. You took enough lives as a hydra assasin.

"Cmon doll, back to the jet, Punk your driving" bucky says quietly, metal arm wrapping around your shoulder to ground you.

Once you were back on the jet you settled in the corner as best you could, knee bouncing, hand scratching at your arm at your eyes fixate on the wall. You cant hear anything, you could barley controll your breathing, on the brink of hyperventilating when a voice started talking to you, a hand on your shoulder that you assumed was bucky.

The voice talked you down through your panic attack, the memorys running through your head of hydra and the lives you took. The voice remained steady, the hand never leaving untill your breathing evened out and your knee stopped bouncing, then it left, unusual for bucky but you had assumed he had to help steve fly the jet.

End of flashback

You get changed and finish your hair so it wont get in the way of training and head down to the training rooms where you see Steve already is, along with Bucky in the corner.

"Hey Bucky! Captain" you greet as they both turn towards the sound of the doors opening and Steve motions you to the mat for sparring.

The first round between you goes well you thought, Steve had won out overall but you had put up a good fight, till he started critiquing you on every little misstep.

"Agent you really need to step it up, in position" He said as he readied himself again for the second round.

The second round goes much the same but you are sharper with your movements, more concentrated, till you here Bucky say somthing off to the side that breaks it for a fraction of a second and you dont see Steves foot coming for your ribs, doging too late and falling back with a gasp.

"Agent I said do better!" He barks at you already standing in position on the otherside of the mat as you stagger onto your feet, winded but overall fine.

"Sorry captain." You say through gritted teeth, aiming to win.

This time as steve expects you to hit high you fein asif your going to sweep your leg out to knock his from under him, as he ducks to block you jump up, wraping your legs around his head, pulling him forwards and over you, landing on his chest. You grapple with him, fighting for a hold on his wrists.

You notice he doesnt seem to be putting up a whole lot of fight but choose to ignore it, grabbing his wrists and pinning his hips down so he cant shift you off of him.

You hear the door close to the side of you and ignore it, focusing on Steve. You look him in the eye and for once you dont recognise the look in them. Your used to a cold hard stare thats masking anything underneath, this is somthing you havent seen.

His pupils are blown, blush covering his face, mouth slightly open as he breaths hard. "Well done Agent" he murmers, face so close to yours now.

The tension crackles in the air, the man you thought hated you, the same man you have had a growing crush on for a while now despite everything, the same man bucky had heard all about your growing feelings for, was now pinned underneath you, and if you had moved an inch you would have been able to feel his growing hard on underneath you.

"Wish you would stop calling me that, Captain" you murmer, keeping eye contact, sure that your expression is doing about the same as his right now.

Thats when he takes you by suprise, pulling his wrists free, grabbing your waist and rolling you under him as you gasp in suprise. "What would you rather, Sugar?" He leans in close to your ear as you blush even worse now, gasping softly.

Steve then moves faster than you can keep track in the haze your in, one second your pinned underneath him, the next your in his arms and being walked out if the gym towards his room.

"You drive me nuts you know? you allways have" he says as he gets to his room, pinning you against the door.

"Thought you hated me" you respond quietly, feeling him fully pressed against you, leaning your head down, shy now.

He places a hand under your chin, forcing your head to tilt up and you to make eye contact with him, "I didn't hate you, I just, I didn't know how to act with my feelings, I wanted to protect you so i kept you at arms length" he murmers, lips centimeters away from yours.

"Dont have to anymore Steve" you say, tilting your head to the side slightly, voice soft, almost begging for him to come closer.

And he does.

He finally connects your lips in a soft kiss, lips moving slowly against yours, one hand grabbing your ass tightly as the others thumb moves slowly against your jaw as your arms wrap across his shoulders.

Eventually you both have to pull away for air, forheads leaning on eachother as you catch your breath, just staring at eachother for a moment.

"You have no idea how long iv wanted that sugar, you okay?" He says, voice husky as he moves you off of the door and towards the bed, as you nod he drops you onto the bed, following after you as you move back upto the headboard.

You pull him down against you, hands tangling into his hair as you pull him in for another kiss, this time full of heat and need, you both let out you own moans as the kiss gets deeper, steve taking the opportunity to slip his tounge into your mouth, as his hips softly rut down against you.

Steve eventually pulls away murmering a soft "fuck" as you let out a whimper, his mouth trails down your neck, leaving kisses and hickeys as he went, still rutting his length down against you as his hands started to explore over your shirt. Eventually he reached the hem and tentatively reached underneath, when you didnt he reached further, pulling your shirt up, eventually up and over your head, quickly reaching behind your back and undoing your bra.

His mouth moved down too your breast, mouth covering one nipple while his hand pinched and twisted the other, making you moan and arch of the bed "Fuck baby please"you whine quietly as he lets out a low laugh.

"I know sugar I know" he says pulling away, quickly yanking his shirt over his head. "Strip for me honey" the words are soft but it sounds like an order.

You quickly pull off your remaining clothes and settle back down against the bed as you watch him strip down, paying particular interest to his leaking length that was now visible to you.

He climbs back onto you and leans into another heated kiss, pushing his way into his mouth, trailing his hand down to where you needed him most, fingers so close to where you needed him.

"Please baby please" you beg softly urging him on as his lips move to your neck, leaving more hickeys as he went. He finally moved he fingers to where you needed him, teasing you before pushing one inside making you let out a whine.

"Good girl, gotta get you ready for me yeah" he says as he pumps his finger in and out of you as your hips jerk up

He continues pumping and then adds a second finger as you pull at his hair, moaning softly as he talks you through it.

"Such a good girl f'me hm? My girl, Was so mean to you but dont worry Im going to make it up to you dont worry honey" He says as he adds a third finger, circling his thumb around your clit as you whine loudly, hands scratching up his back and into his hair, tugging as you feel yourself get closer to the edge.

"Please baby please fuck oh my god" you bable inbetween moans, so close to the edge just needing a little bit more

Thats when Steve curls his fingers just so, hitting that spongey spot inside you that makes your toes curl and your vision white as steve sucks on your tits once again as you cum on his fingers with a loud moan.

"Good girl, thats my good girl, my good little slut for me hm?" Steve says into the crook of your neck as he slows down, letting you ride it out, pulling out slowly, repositioning himself inbetween your legs do his length was nearly poking at your enterance.

"Please stevie, need you, need you baby" you start to whine when steve sheaths himself inside you fully before you can finish your begging leaving you breathless.

Steve gives you time to adjust to him inside you before starting to move, letting out a low groan and burying his head into your neck, biting down as you pull on his hair. He knows hes not going to last with the way you feel around him and you know you arent going to either.

"Fuck baby you feel so good, im not going to last long, such a good girl sugar, so tight" steve rambled on, talking you through it as he picked up his thrusts, hitting that perfect spot inside you bringing you closer to the edge.

As he nipped at your neck he reached down to your clit and rubbed small figure eights against it "you going to cum for me baby? Yeah you going to cum for me huh? Cmon baby cum for me wana feel you" he encouraged applying just a little more pressure as you tightened around him, cumming around him with a cry, leaving scratch marks up his back as you feel him cum inside you with a low groan as you come down, hot ropes of his cum hitting your insides.

You both lay there for a while in the quiet, both still breathing heavy as you recover before steve moves to pull out causing you to whine.

"Cmere you" he says with a small chuckle as he pulls out and rolls over, laying on the bed and pulling you ontop of him, reaching for the duvet to cover you both.

"I am sorry for being cruel to you sugar" steve says into the quiet

"You werent cruel, cold sure but not cruel but its okay, what would be cruel is not letting me sleep" you mumble into his neck, biting him a little.

He laughs a little "okay okay, you can sleep" he finishes as he pulls you closer, closing his eyes and letting the warmth of you lull him into sleep.

Since you had moved into the tower Steve had seemed pissed off with you. Cold hard stares, conversations only when nessesary, half the time he wouldnt even take you opinion on the movie for movie night. Just generally keeping you at arms length.

You tried your best still, working hard to earn his trust and respect but nothing seemed to matter. You made friends with the others, including Bucky, you cooked with Wanda, watched movies with Bucky, trained with Nat, you even cooped up with Clint in the vents sometimes with Thors poptarts but steve was a whole different ballpark.

Natasha was down after a solo mission went awry, leaving her out of training for a few days, that was when you got the text

"Training room in an hour. - SR"

You thought you were going to be training with Clint, Tony or even Parker, you didnt think Steve would volunteer himself to train with you, especially given the last mission.

Flashback?

You knew the mission was going to go either way, Steve wanted it to be a stealthy in and out but bucky was hell bent on the fact that you would get caught in a fire fight and given he knew the hydra base you were all dropping into you were inclinded to trust his judgement, and that caused even more friction between you and steve.

It was the middle of the well predicted fight that steve seemed to really get pissed off. You were on the otherside of the base, backed into a corner and not responding to comms, to focused on keeping yourself alive. Steve was yelling down your earpeice trying to get a response, bucky silently making his way over to you. You were by no means helpless in battle but an eight vs one put the odds against you.

You were in the middle of trying to climb out of the hole in the roof you had made when steve grabs your hand, you let him pull you up, firing final shots as he does, taking the last few agents down as you are pulled to your feet.

Once your on your feet and check that no other agents are around you you look up at steve, meeting his eye and seeing what you took as pure anger.

"What the hell were you thinking Agent!" He nearly yells at you, the title grating you. Steve made a point never to use your name, allways using Agent instead and it pissed you off.

"Trying to save my ass is what! I didnt intentionally corner myself into a one verses eight now did i!?" You yell back, frustrated, adrenaline lessening now the fight is over, leaving you with the rampant post fight anxiety.

Steve goes to respond when you feel a presence behind you and a hand on your shoulder, bucky, the man seemed to understand you without words. He gets steve to back off, you know hes argued with him over his treatment of you and you know it probably doesnt help your relationship with Steve but at times like these you were thankfull for the backup.

Your hands shake as your brain automatically counts the number of lives you may have taken, you never asked for confimed kills, trying your best to avoid killing when you could. You took enough lives as a hydra assasin.

"Cmon doll, back to the jet, Punk your driving" bucky says quietly, metal arm wrapping around your shoulder to ground you.

Once you were back on the jet you settled in the corner as best you could, knee bouncing, hand scratching at your arm at your eyes fixate on the wall. You cant hear anything, you could barley controll your breathing, on the brink of hyperventilating when a voice started talking to you, a hand on your shoulder that you assumed was bucky.

The voice talked you down through your panic attack, the memorys running through your head of hydra and the lives you took. The voice remained steady, the hand never leaving untill your breathing evened out and your knee stopped bouncing, then it left, unusual for bucky but you had assumed he had to help steve fly the jet.

End of flashback

You get changed and finish your hair so it wont get in the way of training and head down to the training rooms where you see Steve already is, along with Bucky in the corner.

"Hey Bucky! Captain" you greet as they both turn towards the sound of the doors opening and Steve motions you to the mat for sparring.

The first round between you goes well you thought, Steve had won out overall but you had put up a good fight, till he started critiquing you on every little misstep.

"Agent you really need to step it up, in position" He said as he readied himself again for the second round.

The second round goes much the same but you are sharper with your movements, more concentrated, till you here Bucky say somthing off to the side that breaks it for a fraction of a second and you dont see Steves foot coming for your ribs, doging too late and falling back with a gasp.

"Agent I said do better!" He barks at you already standing in position on the otherside of the mat as you stagger onto your feet, winded but overall fine.

"Sorry captain." You say through gritted teeth, aiming to win.

This time as steve expects you to hit high you fein asif your going to sweep your leg out to knock his from under him, as he ducks to block you jump up, wraping your legs around his head, pulling him forwards and over you, landing on his chest. You grapple with him, fighting for a hold on his wrists.

You notice he doesnt seem to be putting up a whole lot of fight but choose to ignore it, grabbing his wrists and pinning his hips down so he cant shift you off of him.

You hear the door close to the side of you and ignore it, focusing on Steve. You look him in the eye and for once you dont recognise the look in them. Your used to a cold hard stare thats masking anything underneath, this is somthing you havent seen.

His pupils are blown, blush covering his face, mouth slightly open as he breaths hard. "Well done Agent" he murmers, face so close to yours now.

The tension crackles in the air, the man you thought hated you, the same man you have had a growing crush on for a while now despite everything, the same man bucky had heard all about your growing feelings for, was now pinned underneath you, and if you had moved an inch you would have been able to feel his growing hard on underneath you.

"Wish you would stop calling me that, Captain" you murmer, keeping eye contact, sure that your expression is doing about the same as his right now.

Thats when he takes you by suprise, pulling his wrists free, grabbing your waist and rolling you under him as you gasp in suprise. "What would you rather, Sugar?" He leans in close to your ear as you blush even worse now, gasping softly.

Steve then moves faster than you can keep track in the haze your in, one second your pinned underneath him, the next your in his arms and being walked out if the gym towards his room.

"You drive me nuts you know? you allways have" he says as he gets to his room, pinning you against the door.

"Thought you hated me" you respond quietly, feeling him fully pressed against you, leaning your head down, shy now.

He places a hand under your chin, forcing your head to tilt up and you to make eye contact with him, "I didn't hate you, I just, I didn't know how to act with my feelings, I wanted to protect you so i kept you at arms length" he murmers, lips centimeters away from yours.

"Dont have to anymore Steve" you say, tilting your head to the side slightly, voice soft, almost begging for him to come closer.

And he does.

He finally connects your lips in a soft kiss, lips moving slowly against yours, one hand grabbing your ass tightly as the others thumb moves slowly against your jaw as your arms wrap across his shoulders.

Eventually you both have to pull away for air, forheads leaning on eachother as you catch your breath, just staring at eachother for a moment.

"You have no idea how long iv wanted that sugar, you okay?" He says, voice husky as he moves you off of the door and towards the bed, as you nod he drops you onto the bed, following after you as you move back upto the headboard.

You pull him down against you, hands tangling into his hair as you pull him in for another kiss, this time full of heat and need, you both let out you own moans as the kiss gets deeper, steve taking the opportunity to slip his tounge into your mouth, as his hips softly rut down against you.

Steve eventually pulls away murmering a soft "fuck" as you let out a whimper, his mouth trails down your neck, leaving kisses and hickeys as he went, still rutting his length down against you as his hands started to explore over your shirt. Eventually he reached the hem and tentatively reached underneath, when you didnt he reached further, pulling your shirt up, eventually up and over your head, quickly reaching behind your back and undoing your bra.

His mouth moved down too your breast, mouth covering one nipple while his hand pinched and twisted the other, making you moan and arch of the bed "Fuck baby please"you whine quietly as he lets out a low laugh.

"I know sugar I know" he says pulling away, quickly yanking his shirt over his head. "Strip for me honey" the words are soft but it sounds like an order.

You quickly pull off your remaining clothes and settle back down against the bed as you watch him strip down, paying particular interest to his leaking length that was now visible to you.

He climbs back onto you and leans into another heated kiss, pushing his way into his mouth, trailing his hand down to where you needed him most, fingers so close to where you needed him.

"Please baby please" you beg softly urging him on as his lips move to your neck, leaving more hickeys as he went. He finally moved he fingers to where you needed him, teasing you before pushing one inside making you let out a whine.

"Good girl, gotta get you ready for me yeah" he says as he pumps his finger in and out of you as your hips jerk up

He continues pumping and then adds a second finger as you pull at his hair, moaning softly as he talks you through it.

"Such a good girl f'me hm? My girl, Was so mean to you but dont worry Im going to make it up to you dont worry honey" He says as he adds a third finger, circling his thumb around your clit as you whine loudly, hands scratching up his back and into his hair, tugging as you feel yourself get closer to the edge.

"Please baby please fuck oh my god" you bable inbetween moans, so close to the edge just needing a little bit more

Thats when Steve curls his fingers just so, hitting that spongey spot inside you that makes your toes curl and your vision white as steve sucks on your tits once again as you cum on his fingers with a loud moan.

"Good girl, thats my good girl, my good little slut for me hm?" Steve says into the crook of your neck as he slows down, letting you ride it out, pulling out slowly, repositioning himself inbetween your legs do his length was nearly poking at your enterance.

"Please stevie, need you, need you baby" you start to whine when steve sheaths himself inside you fully before you can finish your begging leaving you breathless.

Steve gives you time to adjust to him inside you before starting to move, letting out a low groan and burying his head into your neck, biting down as you pull on his hair. He knows hes not going to last with the way you feel around him and you know you arent going to either.

"Fuck baby you feel so good, im not going to last long, such a good girl sugar, so tight" steve rambled on, talking you through it as he picked up his thrusts, hitting that perfect spot inside you bringing you closer to the edge.

As he nipped at your neck he reached down to your clit and rubbed small figure eights against it "you going to cum for me baby? Yeah you going to cum for me huh? Cmon baby cum for me wana feel you" he encouraged applying just a little more pressure as you tightened around him, cumming around him with a cry, leaving scratch marks up his back as you feel him cum inside you with a low groan as you come down, hot ropes of his cum hitting your insides.

You both lay there for a while in the quiet, both still breathing heavy as you recover before steve moves to pull out causing you to whine.

"Cmere you" he says with a small chuckle as he pulls out and rolls over, laying on the bed and pulling you ontop of him, reaching for the duvet to cover you both.

"I am sorry for being cruel to you sugar" steve says into the quiet

"You werent cruel, cold sure but not cruel but its okay, what would be cruel is not letting me sleep" you mumble into his neck, biting him a little.

He laughs a little "okay okay, you can sleep" he finishes as he pulls you closer, closing his eyes and letting the warmth of you lull him into sleep.

These are so real

watching a movie at home circa like, 2001 was like

put your TV on channel 2 so the VCR will work

open up the clamp shell case that held the VHS that has that satisfying crrlikkkkkk

put in the movie

gdi it has to be rewound

press STOP and then rewind because its so much faster that way

start the movie and it takes a few seconds for the movie to actually start cause you rewound to the VERY beginning

FBI will get you if you illegally distribute or exhibit this movie

and then. because you forgot that movies are always so much louder than TV

COMING SOON TO OWN ON VIDEO AND DVD

QUICK LOWER THE VOLUME LOWER THE VOLUME LOWER THE VOLUME OH FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay crisis averted.

although. these ads are kind of quiet. a little hard to hear.....

better turn up the volume...

THX

pretty isn't pretty

Summary: Your BAU coworkers throw you a surprise birthday party, but it triggers eating problems from your past. 

Pairing: Emily Prentiss/Reader

Word Count: 1889

TWs: disordered eating, body shaming, panic attacks 

Ao3

Your surprise 30th birthday party was scheduled the day before your birthday.

You’d never particularly enjoyed celebrating your birthday, for no other reason than you were less than comfortable being the center of attention. Having all eyes on you brought pressure and self-consciousness rather than joy. But when your girlfriend Emily asked for permission to plan something special for your 30th, you couldn’t exactly say no.

Ultimately, Emily made the mistake of asking Penelope for help with planning, and that’s when she came clean with you about the surprise party.

You were grateful for the heads-up—you’d never had a surprise party before and weren’t sure how you would’ve reacted under that pressure. But when you stood in front of the mirror, appraising your appearance, you debated making up an excuse to get out of going.

You’d decided on a short black dress that hugged your frame and simple black heels. The dress made you feel confident when you purchased it, but you hadn’t worn it out yet. Now, it felt like it was suffocating you and highlighting your every flaw. Your eyes ran over every imperfection, each appearing more glaring than the last.

“Ready, love?” Emily asked, stepping out of the bathroom and into the bedroom you shared.

Your heart stopped at the sight of your girlfriend. Her raven hair was curled, and she was wearing a tight red dress that took your breath away. You couldn’t help yourself—you found yourself envying her seemingly effortless confidence.

Even more so, when you saw the hopeful smile on her face, you knew you couldn’t back out.

“I’m not sure,” you said, squirming. “That this outfit is right. Do we have time if I change?”

Emily frowned. “We can be as late as you want; nothing starts without you. But are you sure? You look beautiful.”

You turned to the mirror again, as though her words were enough to make you change what you saw. Your heart sank when you realized they weren’t, but you also didn’t want to have to explain to your friends why you were late.

Forcing a smile, you turned back to Emily. “You’re right; let’s go.”

*** The ruse behind the surprise party was that you were dropping something off at Rossi’s that he’d left at the office, and you were supposed to be on your way to dinner with Emily. But even though you were prepared for what was waiting for you on the other side of the door, you couldn’t help yourself from clinging to Emily’s side.

You braced yourself as you approached the front door, hand in hand with Emily, and rang the bell.

“Come on in!” Rossi called from the other side of the door.

“Ready?” Emily whispered.

Not trusting your voice, you nodded.

Emily opened the door to reveal complete darkness. When she hit the light switch, the entire BAU jumped out and yelled, “Surprise!”

Despite knowing this was coming, you still jumped.

“Happy birthday, love,” Emily planted a kiss on your cheek.

“It’s not even my birthday yet,” you said, hoping you sounded surprised enough to fool a room full of profilers.

“That’s part of the surprise,” Penelope sang. “When Peaches told me we were planning a party for your birthday, I knew we had to go all out.”

You turned to Emily, who whispered, “Sorry.”

Well, that explained the extravagance, at least. You were grateful your girlfriend knew you well enough to warn you ahead of time.

Rossi’s house was almost unrecognizable. A fact that, based on the scowl Rossi couldn’t keep off his face for long, he wasn’t thrilled with. You threw an apologetic smile his way, and he winked in reply.

Streamers and balloons hung from the light fixtures and along the ceiling. You followed them into the kitchen, where a full bar and spread was waiting.

“Guys, this is too much,” you flushed.

Spencer stepped forward. “You know, by the time you’re 30—”

“Drink, Y/N?” Morgan interrupted.

You chuckled. “Please. Wine would be great.”

Hotch, JJ, and Rossi wished you a happy birthday on their way to the food. Emily, knowing what you needed, wasn’t far away.

Morgan handed you a Moscato and Emily a cabernet, which you took gratefully, before he made his way to the food as well.

“Can I get you a plate?” Emily asked, resting a hand on your lower back.

“Maybe in a bit,” you said, your appetite dissipating. You’d been unable to eat anything all day due to the nerves, which had caught up with you on the drive over. But now that you were here, the sight of food was enough to make you nauseous. “But you go ahead.”

Despite your insistence, Emily stayed by your side. Gradually, the group made their way out to the backyard, where string lights cascaded like rain.

“Penelope,” you breathed. “This is beautiful.”

Your friend blushed. “Oh, it’s nothing.”

“No, it wasn’t,” you argued.

“No, it wasn’t,” she agreed immediately with a giggle. “But it was worth it to see that look on your face.”

“Speaking of…” Emily said, sliding over to your side and nodding toward something behind you.

You turned to find Morgan and Hotch delicately balancing a three-tiered cake, lavishly decorated in pastel frosting and delicately placed flowers, with what you assumed were thirty candles lit at the top. All around you, your friends burst into a slightly off-tune rendition of “Happy birthday,” but all you could focus on was the pile of sugar beelining in your direction.

Hotch and Morgan set the cake down on the table nearest you, and you felt the blood drain from your face as you fought to keep a smile on it.

“Happy birthday to you…” The group sang, holding out the last note.

Your heart hammered in your chest, and you closed your eyes to fight the tears that were brimming in them, as you pretended to ponder your wish. When you felt composed enough, you opened them just enough to get a peek of where you were aiming and blew out the candles in one fell swoop.

Your friends erupted in cheers, and Hotch started plucking the candles out and placing them on a plate. Morgan picked up the knife and began cutting out slices for everyone, and you couldn’t take your eyes off the large slices he prepared.

Despite your best efforts, past comments from your mom rattled around your brain.

Are you going to eat all that?

You need to watch your figure.

No one will love you if you keep eating like that.

As if knowing your doubts and wanting to combat them, Emily reached out to hand you a piece of cake. “First piece for the birthday girl,” she sang, leaning over to kiss you on the cheek.

You glanced from the dessert to your girlfriend’s eyes, which were filled with love. But your heart hammered in your chest—what if it was just for show? What if your mom had been right all those years ago?

“Are you okay, love?” Emily lowered her voice so only you could hear.

No one will love you if you keep eating like that.

“I’m just not hungry,” you said, cursing your voice for shaking. “I had a late lunch today.”

Across the room, Spencer frowned. “Weren’t you guys supposed to be on your way to dinner?”

You clammed up. “Um, yes, but—”

“C’mon, Y/L/N, you can’t pass up at least one bite of your birthday cake,” Morgan teased.

Though you knew it came from a place of love, it felt like mounting pressure weighing on your shoulders. And with each passing moment, another one of your friends looked in your direction, and you couldn’t take the attention.

“I’ll be right back,” you whispered, pushing past Emily and back into the house.

Tears blurred your vision, and your chest felt like it was caving in. You weren’t sure how you were still breathing.

The first door you reached, which you were sure was a guest bathroom, you threw yourself inside it, only to discover a pile of coats waiting on the other side. You wiped your tears away to discover you’d thrown yourself in a closet, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

You collapsed to your knees, letting your emotions take over. What was wrong with you? Why couldn’t you enjoy the birthday party your friends threw for you without ruining it?

Why couldn’t you just eat the damn cake?

You cursed your mother, whom you’d stopped talking to the moment you turned 18 and moved out, for still holding such power over you and your inner thoughts. You knew what she said was wrong, but in moments like these, her voice was louder than your own rationale.

When the closet door cracked open, you clamped a hand over your sobbing mouth to muffle the sound. The last thing you needed was for anyone here to see you like this.

But it was Emily’s face that peered down at you. She slipped through the door and closed it behind her, taking the space next to you on the floor.

“What’s wrong, love?”

She offered you her arms and you collapsed in them, letting her embrace you.

“It’s my mom,” you hiccupped through your tears.

“Did she say something?” The instantly fierce, protective tone in your girlfriend’s voice filled your chest with warmth. Emily was no stranger to the issues with your mother, and faced similar issues with her own mom. It was one of the things that bonded you together at the beginning of your relationship.

“No, not recently. It’s just… things she’s said before all came rushing back. And the idea of eating that cake, with everyone staring at me, was just too much,” you whispered.

Emily cursed under her breath. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. I should’ve thought about that before letting Pen plan this whole thing. Do you want to leave? I can sneak us out of here; you don’t need to see anyone else tonight if you don’t want to.”

You smiled into her shirt, your tears slowing. It was a tempting offer, but you knew what you needed to do.

“No. I can’t let her have that power over me. I just didn’t expect it all to bubble up like this.”

Emily rubbed circles on your back, and you focused on the sensation, letting your breathing return to a normal rhythm.

“Take as long as you need. We’re not in a hurry.”

You wanted to ensure you wouldn’t fall apart in front of your friends again, so you gave yourself a minute to collect yourself. Just as you were about ready, Emily whispered in your ear.

“Who would’ve thought? The two of us, back in the closet together.”

You coughed out a laugh, surprising yourself with it. Emily joined in and the two of you fell against each other, letting the giggles ride out. When you were ready, you kissed your girlfriend gently, and she helped you to your feet. She always knew what to say to make you laugh.

“I love you,” you said.

“I love you, too,” Emily replied, taking your hand. “You ready?”

“Yes. But if Spencer tries to make another comment about being 30, I might kill him.”

Emily squeezed your hand, kissing the back of it. “Don’t worry, I’ll help.”

My media teacher hating me and my information technology teacher loving me is not something i predicted in my time at college

Thank you!!

Watching S4 ep7 and I just want to give Spence a hug goddamn

Sometimes a creative outlet is a fun little hobby and sometimes it's a lifelong affliction. Like I crochet because making little woven animals sparks joy and I'm a writer whether I like it or not because I'm tormented by visions

I'm going to level with you, some of you are VERY confused about the difference between "being a hater as a sports fan" and "wishing death or harm upon sports competitors you don't like". They're categorically NOT the same thing