I Am Not A Beggar

Greedy are the trees

"Haven't you ever seen it?" She asked me.

"Gnarled roots pale as bone crawling their way through the underbrush. Pushing aside new green ferns and beds of decaying leaves. Each root peaking for long lengths from the damp dirt. Anchored maybe by the earth or maybe by thorny vines, sharp and thick with red-tipped spines. This is the work of the trees." She whispers this all to me in a conspiring way.

"You'll see them reaching with knothole fists towards the waters edge. Thirsty for what the spring has to offer; as if the ground isn't soft with it already." She pauses smile turned sharp and condescending in the way a mother's does when sharing stories of her child's mischief.

"Greedy things"

I'm still the same size as I have always been. it's just the world that's gotten so much smaller than I knew. so small that I can't really see the details anymore. it's all out of focus.

Many times people treat enlightenment like a concrete state. Like once they reach it they are above the world, impervious to it. Unaffected by change and time.

But its quite the opposite. Those who are truly in tune with the earth find that change us the only constant. They move with the tide. Sway with the breeze. Grow with the trees.

To reach your most natural state is to be in tune with what is inside you as you are with what is around you. To cut away your earthly ties only brings you farther from the mother.

To be connected with the ever raging fire of your soul is as important as being swept away in the tides of time. Always present, ever in motion.

I was never meant to have a body.

My tethered little pet.

So much responsibility to look after.

So much washing and clothing and tucking away.

I was never meant to rot so slowly.

From diseases, I will never know.

So much tending to my body needs.

So much aching and soothing and drugging away.

I was never meant to hold it's hand.

Like a mother holds a child.

So much guarding it needs.

So much hiding and cherishing and giving away.

I was never meant to have a body.

I want to learn to love like you

I can only scream my feelings through the open window of a moving car

When the wind steals the words from my lips and smothers them before they can be heard

Hyper fixating is all fun and games when you're working on a project or cleaning your house or consuming media or completing a task.

but have you ever hyper fixated on a person? You ever thought about someone night and day. Daydreamed about them. Had conversations in your head with them. Let them consume your every moment until they were the first thing you thought of in the morning and the last thing you thought of at night?

This isn't a cheesy love song this is real life and that shit will make you sick. Make you forget yourself. Make you change yourself. Make you neglect yourself.

They're never gonna be like the version you've cooked up in your head and you deserve to move on.

Everything about you scares me; I guess that's why I'm here.

I'm good for love

A fertile plot for it to claim. It springs to life under my feet. It drips and curls down from my fingertips. Its roots in my every thought.

I love colors and sunsets. White fluffy clouds. Boys and girls. Friends and strangers. The texture of cotton. Hot steam and cool stream water. Eyes and arms and noses. Hands and hearts and shoulders. Fresh baby kittens and sun-soaked kitchens. Me and you and them.

Love grows up my arms like new grass sprouts. Tangles around my ankles like thorny vines. Grows thick in my chest like moss. It's suffacating

I'm good for love but love isn't good for me.

I've been here for a while but I really shouldn't stay.

There's an ache in my joints, makes it hard to get away.

I guess I was waiting for you to come and rescue me.

But you never even noticed and now I cannot leave.

@milknosugar-youtube

In response to your beautiful untitled song. This one is for you.