Wwyd If He Told You To Walk The Plank

Obey Me As Tumblr #9

Leviathan: I wish puberty took you to a customize character screen

Satan: Do you realize how many people would be dragons

Solomon: You say this like it’s a bad thing

•

Mammon: Uptown funk would’ve made it onto the shrek soundtrack

Solomon: That’s the truest statement I’ve ever read

•

Asmodeus: Once in the fifth grade this kid called me a homo and I thought it meant homeless and I was so confused I said ‘Raphael you’ve been to my house’

•

Mammon: My brother just accidentally prematurely sent an email to his boss…. It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting’ but he hit send when all it said was

Hi, Diavolo

I am afraid

•

Mammon: Fun Disney fact! Fiona was the first red-headed Disney Princess when she made her debut in 1988, one year before Ariel did in The Little Mermaid (1989)

Mephistopheles: Shrek came out in 2001

Mammon: Good for him

•

Satan: One time in math class my math teacher was really pissed at us and he was yelling “DO YOU EVEN KNOW BASIC MATH? DO YOU KNOW ADDITION? WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO? MAMMON WHAT’S TWO PLUS TWO?” and poor Mammon wasn’t paying attention so I leaned over to him and whispered “seven” and he blurted out “SEVEN” and I have never laughed harder and I doubt I ever will.

•

Asmodeus: Today at work I let someone into a dressing room and they said “thank you” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and I ended up saying “your problem.”

Mammon: One time I was playing soccer in gym. Ball is up in the air. Think I’m gonna be awesome and air kick it into the goal. Try. Miss ball. Kick goalie in the face. Try to ask “are you okay” and

“I’m fucking sorry” at the same time. Instead end up yelling “ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY!?” Goalie is cooking back tears.

Leviathan: This post had me in tears.

•

Raphael: That’s a cute foot fetish you got there, would you mind keeping it 25796323689432 feet away from me?

Asmodeus: 25796323689432 feet you say?

•

Simeon: If you had six minutes left to live what’s the last song you’d listen to

Leviathan: I’d spend the entire six minutes trying to pick a song

•

Mammon: You call it “really bad at darts”, I call it freestyle acupuncture

Barbatos: Sir I’m going to have to ask you to leave the bar

•

Mammon: Can you OD on vitamin D?

Mephistopheles: That’s how Icarus died

•

Leviathan: I’m really into internet discourse but only pointless and stupid internet discourse like how many holes there are in a straw (it’s 2)

Mephistopheles: No it’s an infinite amount of holes stacked on top of eachother

Leviathan: This is exactly what I’m talking about

•

Luke: I have small hands

Leviathan: Bring them closer to you they’re just far away

Luke: Wow you were right…

•

Diavolo: You ever dip your entire Oreo in milk except the part where you’re holding it and feel like thetis dipping newborn Achilles into the River of Styx making him invulnerable everywhere except for his heel

•

Solomon:

Two things I need today’s youth to know:

1. Anything the government says is propaganda

2. 99% of vegetables taste better roasted

Barbatos: you spelled boiled wrong

Solomon:

My apologies:

Anything the government says is boiled

•

Diavolo: The weirdest instance of “getting my wires crossed” I’ve ever experienced: I had a piece of candy at my desk. My intention was to simultaneously eat the candy and start a brief work task. I put the candy in my mouth and felt a surge of alarm as I was convinced, for a fraction of a second, that I had somehow eaten the task I was about to start.

•

Asmodeus: Hope everyone is well today!

Asmodeus: And tomorrow !!!!

Asmodeus: After that you’re on your own

•

Luke: Omg my guardian just came into my room and told me that I’m spending too much time on the internet so he told me “I’m sorry I have to do this but it’s for your own good.” and then he proceeded to delete the internet explorer icon from my desk top

And the way he said “I just deleted the internet” just takes the cake

[OM!] Merging Timelines (Lucifer/MC)

Summary: Your nightmares become less frequent the less you refer to the other timeline as ‘yours’ and the more you convince yourself that this timeline is the only one that exists.

Alternatively: After waiting for you to come back, Lucifer goes searching for you to bring you back home.

Alternatively 2:0: what’s better than one Lucifer? TWO Lucifers!!!! But it really isn’t :(

Word Count: 2k+

Notes: Gender neutral reader (”they”); *throws angst at you* like leaving behind the original timeline wasn’t bad enough; I don’t actually remember what Barbatos did to the other timelines– if it was destroyed or if we just broke off into another junction, but I’m leaning towards the latter theory… yknow, for the angst, (had to repost this because tags weren’t working :’((( )

–

Every time you encounter something that was different or uncomfortable for you in the Devildom, you adapt. Just as you adjust to being in a timeline you had no intentions of being a part of not out of complacency, but out of desperation.

You scramble to make new memories with the seven demon brothers.

You go along with every antic Mammon or Levi pull you in and drown yourself with face masks and new lotions with Asmo. You cook your favorite recipes for Beel and discuss your favorite genres with Satan. You even help Belphie rekindle his relationship with his brothers; it’s familiar, easy for you to forget what you have lost when you’re busy helping others, even though every time he looks at you, you remember the feeling of his hands on your throat.

Your gaze lingers on Lucifer more, trailing after him. Before he notices, you’re already looking elsewhere, pretending like you don’t imagine time and time again when your hands were on his as he bared his heart and finally allowed himself to be vulnerable around his brothers– around you– before you were swept to the past you had no right to meddle in. Still, like with the other brothers, you do what you can to make up for lost time, even though you feel a sense of dread that you’ll never be able to have the same relationship with the brothers that you had when you bound together against Diavolo for Belphie.

(Especially not with Lucifer, who had vouched for you to find the truth and save Belphie, who let you embrace him in the catacombs and allowed your hands to give him the reassurance he needed to speak, whose concern was etched on his face as you declared that you would go to the past alone.)

Your nightmares become less frequent the less you refer to the other timeline as ‘yours’ and the more you convince yourself that this timeline is the only one that exists.

Keep reading

if only.

* mammon and Satan sitting together in jail *

Satan : so who should we call ?

Mammon : I'd call Lucifer but I feel safer in jail

ʚɞ Gojo Satoru Fic Recommendations ʚɞ

Forever Yours

J’adore

Scars don’t fade

August

Sincerely Not

Sincerely Yours

Everyone’s Doll

Missed Connection

Confessions

Confidential

Violet Lights

Starboy

The Twist of a Knife

A Dangerous Game

Fate’s Gamble

All I Need

Baby Steps

Finite

Sensual Epiphany

Two Lines

Changes

Infidelity

The Fuck List

In Other Words, I Love You (Dead Dove: Do Not Eat)

Permanent Mark

Sundered

Kick Off

The Unfaithful

I Still Want You

Untameable Waves (please come back)

the sanctity of a name.

word count: 2.2k

genre/warnings: gender neutral reader (they/them pronouns), gojo satoru-centric, injuries, angst but a nice hopeful ending

Gojo Satoru can count on one hand the number of people who have called him by his given name. He actually doesn’t need all five fingers to count them, considering there are only four people who have referred to the sorcerer as Satoru at one point or another in time.

Keep reading

Unmasked (2/2)