so angsty and for what?
you're starring in a movie with the last person saved in your camera roll and the last song you listened to is the title. who/what is it?
tagged by @lovelyhan! thanks for the tag and the picture kai đ
hmm i can actually imagine this....... double take is literally this shua and this song đ
tagging: @wqnwoos, @gyukult, @dkfile, @f4llingtoyou, @lheewonz and anyone else who wants to! no pressure :)
pairing. journalism student! renjun x journalism student! fem! reader starring. huang renjun, lee donghyuck, yoo jimin, huh yunjin genre. college au, acquaintances to lovers. angst, fluff, smut warnings. alcohol consuption, swearing, renjun is a dick at the beginning, sexual content (fingering, unprotected sex) word count. 31k (31.320) a/n. awsten knight please stop making music so i can stop writing fics about your songs thanku. also this is my first smut please be gentle with it also if you're my friend please don't read the smut parts orif you do dont tell me abt it or i will literally kms
playlist. cherry red - waterparks ; fake happy - paramore ; heaven angel - the driver era ; blonde - waterparks ; disaster - conan gray ; raspberry - grouplove ; black butterflies and dĂŠjĂĄ vu - the maine ; fuck about it - waterpakrs, blackbear ; robbers - the 1975
a rumor has it that the popular couple in town broke up after years of being together. having to share your favorite seat in class with the male part of said relationship, you try to find out how to make your heartbroken project partner warm up to youâ orâ huang renjun goes blonde when he's sad.
ⲠPART 1 OF THE SIMPLIFY ROMANCE SERIES â˛
âA rumor has it Huang Renjun and Huh Yunjin broke up,â is the first sentence that lands into your ears when your feet cross the imaginary border of the school premises one early morning, a cup of coffee in your hand as your best friend Jimin breaks the news to you, walking by your side into the university building.
Snapping your head around to look at her in shock and surprise at the news, eyes wide in question, youâre already invested in the love life of your classmates more than you probably should be, but due to multiple reasons that could explain it; one of them being the ordinary human curiosityâ mainly created in your brain thanks to the fact that these two had dated for as long as you can rememberâ another reason being the gossip-oriented side of your personalityâ the part of it you like to explain through the fact that youâre a Journalism major and the love for gossip is just another part of your (hopefully) future occupationâ and the last reason, the one that is probably the most harmless of them all (or maybe the most, depending on how you look at it) is the mere fact that while Huang Renjun had been a taken man for as long as you remember, he is also insanely attractive, and youâre just a simple woman. The idea of him being finally attainable is irking something in your brain, and even though you would feel embarrassed to admit this out loud, you canât help but wonder what happened between those two after such a long time that made the legendary coupleâ iconic, evenâ break up.Â
âWhat happened?â you ask, walking alongside the girl as you round the corner of the hall, in a rush to get to your morning class. The two of you slept in by accident, watching too many episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians last night to notice the clock striking well past midnight, and now the journey to school was more difficult than it already is, with your dorms situated 30 minutes away and the class starting at 8 oâclock sharp. The time is now 7:58AM and while youâre already in the building and yours and Jiminâs classes are different, they are both on the fifth floorâ and with the frequency of your visits to the gym, the way up there is hard not only because of the time pinch, but also because of the shortness of your breath when you rush to walk up there in less than five minutes before you have to take the walk of shame to your desk, watched by the professor with passive aggressive eyes.
âNobody knows,â Jimin heaves out, taking two steps at once now, âI just heard from Yizhuo that Yunjin deleted all of their Instagram posts together and she supposedly stopped wearing that necklace he got her for their anniversary. Oh and also, Renjun didnât drop her off at school on Friday, so something must be up.â
Humming in agreement, you rush up the stairs, the halls already emptied out because all of the students are hidden in their respective classroom. You manage to keep your voice down in case anyoneâs listening in on your insensitive gossip, now that your voices arenât drowned out by any other noise. âThatâs weird. Theyâve been together for so long, Iâm starting to lose faith in real love if they really broke up.â
âNo, yeah, I know,â Jimin squints as the two of you finally reach the fifth floor, the girl checking the time on her wristwatch huffing out at the sight of already being late, âsomething bad must have happened, if they really broke up, because the two of them didnât seem like theyâve had any problems, you know.â
âDefinitely,â you nod, pacing along the hall as you finally reach the door to your classroom, waving your roommate off with a tight-lipped smile, still trying to catch your breath. âIâll see you after class?â
The girl doesnât even turn around as she agrees with you, long legs striding down the hall into the last classroom on the left, waving at you with her right hand. âSee ya!â
Silently opening the door to the classroom, you notice the professor already standing at the very front of the class, turning around to look at your figure once the almost unhearable noise of the door cuts through the silence in the room. Offering her a shameful smile, you hurriedly scan the space, feeling the eyes of everyone glued to your sweaty and out of breath body, as you try to find a place to sit. Your usual seat is right at the corner of the room, at the very backâ it has the window in close accessibility, so you donât have to worry about being too hot or too cold, depending on the weather, because you regulate the freshness of the air in the classroom. The window also provides a good distraction to you once the class gets too boring to listen to, so youâd say with 100% sureness that the desk you chose to sit at the very first day of your Journalism class was the best option.Â
However, when you look at the usually empty desk for twoâ one of the chairs, the one closer to the corridor being your handy armrest as well as a place to put your coat and bag on as you sit on the other one, the one closer to the windowâ you notice a man sitting at your usual place, eyes glued to the whiteboard. Feverishly scanning the classroom once again, realizing in terror that there is no other empty space for you to sit at, you sigh in annoyance as you near your usual desk, cursing the intruder in your brain for breaking the unwritten seating plan.Â
Taking the bag off your shoulder, you softly land it to the ground, afraid of making any noise that would interrupt your professorâs lecture again. After sitting at the chair and trying to listen to the words coming out of your professorâs mouth, trying to see what sheâs talking about, you find yourself drifting off into the mess of your thoughts, choosing to daydream about the amazing lunch youâre about to have once your classes are over for the day, your eyes knowingly moving away from the whiteboard to their place out of the window. Itâs a little harder to gaze out of it in the different positionâ you tell yourself youâll come earlier next week so the intruder doesnât take away your spot again and you can go back to your usual plan of watching people walking through the campus and making up fake stories about them in your brainâ when your periphery vision takes notice of the side profile of your seatmate, the curve of his nose and the slight pout of his upper lip sparking interest in you as your brain finally connects the dots.
Only slightly moving your head to the side, so your seatmate doesnât notice you staring, you observe Huang Renjun sitting at your desk. The image in front of you (or beside you, to be precise) surprises you to an extent nothing has ever surprised you before (no, not even the birthday parties Jimin has thrown you have made this effect on youâ but thatâs probably because she canât keep a secret and always spoiled the surprise), and once again, there are multiple reasons for your surprise. To list a few, youâd start with the fact that Huang Renjun almost always sat at the same desk with his girlfriend Yunjinâ the desk was at the very opposite corner of the room, leaving you to occasionally observe the couple as he landed a hand onto her thigh or let her put her leg into his lap, away from the eyes of the professorâ but due to the news that were broken to you just a few minutes prior, maybe this is the only reason that shouldnât surprise you with the sight of Renjun sitting by your side. Continuing the list, youâd state the fact that the boy looks lifelessâ his eyes lost their usual spark and there are dark circles adorning his lower eyelids, the sick look making you feel almost sorry for your classmate. And to finish the list, youâd state the fact that takes you by surprise the mostâ the one that shocks you to your core, for itâs the reason why you didnât recognise the boy when you first sat down in the first place. His hair is now bleach blond, and while the look definitely suits him, itâs something different, something newâ because for as long as you can remember, not many things changed in Renjunâs appearance over the years, and youâre not so sure if you can consider this as the side effect of his breakup, or if he really just wanted change.
Blinking at the male, as if to make sure that youâre not dreaming, you take notice of the dead strands falling into his eyes, contrasting well with the darkness of his eyes. Once again noting that youâre just a simple woman and Huang Renjun is simply put, a very attractive man, you canât help but gaze at him with a newly found interest, everything youâve learned about the male this morning irking you with undeniable curiosity.
The sad and embarrassing reality of it all is, though, that youâre not the only one who gets that weird feeling of someone staring at you in public sometimes, only for that feeling to be true as you turn around and see someone with their eyes burning through your skull; Huang Renjun gets them as well, it seems, as he turns his head to you with his eyebrows furrowed, as if to silently ask you why the hell youâre creepily staring at his side profile in the middle of your Journalism class. The two of you were never close, despite sharing multiple classes over the course of multiple semesters, and so being caught only made you feel more embarrassed as you sharply turn your head towards the front of the classroomâ so much for being subtle and nonchalant about it, erasing all the possibility of playing it off in the processâ feeling heat creeping up your neck.Â
This is not how you imagined your morning to go.
Trying hard to pay attention to the class instead, in order to both learn something and also forget about the events happening only a few seconds prior, thereâs no use as your brain now decided to replay the moment over and over again, making sure you never forget about it and randomly think of it in the middle of the night 5 years from now, still not moving on from the shame. In the process of trying so hard to focus, you actually do quite the oppositeâ as if your brain decided to turn off from the essence of humiliation instead to protect youâ and before you notice it, the class is over and everyone is scattering out of the classroom with their things and bags hung over their shoulders. At least itâs finally over, you think, when a voice lands into your ear, shaking you out of it.
âWeâre doing the project together,â he says, and as you turn around to face the owner of the saccharine voice to inquire him on what the actual fuck heâs even talking about, before you get the chance, the man is already out of the room, leaving you standing in full dumbfoundance.
Maybe you shouldâve paid more attention to the class, after all.
Next week, even though you arrive to class earlier than the last, it seems like your designated seat in the corner of the classroom is now your and Renjunâs designated seat in the corner of the classroom, and if youâre being totally honest, this is exactly the thing you did not expect to come up on your Junior year bingo card. Talking over the whole interaction with Jimin right when you got to dormsâ alongside with the takeout you ordered in the restaurant thatâs at the corner of the streetâ the both of you stared into your plates with a newly found sense of absolute, utter confusion.Â
You also had to shamefully text one of the only classmates from your Journalism class whose number you haveâ Osaki Shotaro, who you had a thing with in Freshman year because you thought he was an exchange student and would go back to Japan after summer, surprising you with his smiley face in the class in your Sophomore year (and this year, once again) as you had to be reminded of making out with him at a party every time your eyes landed on the poor boyâ about the assignment. The truth is, you could just ask Renjun when you got into class, but you also wanted to spare yourself the embarrassment of that action. Through your fling from Freshman year, you learned that you have to work in pairs on a magazine of some sortâ and while the assignment still wasnât clear to you, after Shotaro ended the text message with âiâm sorry tho, i already have a partner ://â, you didnât have enough dignity in you to pry him for any more information.
Clearing your throat as you step inside the classroom with an encouraging slap to your bottom coming from your roommate walking along to her usual class at the end of the hall, you walk over to your seat and put your bag onto the ground, silently sitting on the chair next to the corridorâ the thing that makes you the most furious about this whole thingâ as you prepare for the next lecture. From what youâve gathered, the assignment was 70% of your final grade, and you really didnât feel like failing your most favorite subject, especially if itâs something you could see yourself doing in the future. Working on something like this with someone youâve hardly ever spoken to was a scary feeling, though.Â
The class starts as soon as the noise of footsteps fills your ears, your professor standing at the very front of the classroom announcing her arrival with a heartfelt smile on her face. Sometimes you wonder if itâs her cheery demeanor that makes you like the class so much, but then again, youâve always been interested in the topicâ her character is just a bonus.
âHello class,â she greets, full of energy despite it only being 8 in the morning, âI decided that instead of following with the lectures today, I will leave you some space to plan out your final project for the class. It has the weight of 70% of your grade, so itâs kind of important, so make sure you plan it well and come up with something original and interesting. The contents are 25-35 pages and you have until the end of the semester to complete it, so I hope you all put in some effort!â
Nods and hums of understatement are shared along the class, the pairs turning to each other in soft murmurs as some even take out a journal to note down all the things they come up with. You think itâs not a bad idea to at least brainstorm a little, but with how awkward you feel at the moment with your project partner sitting right next to you, you donât think you can start. And the thing is, Jimin told you you could just pick a different partnerâ but as you look across the filled classroom, you really donât think working with anyone else is possible, since you donât have many friends in this class and everyone seems to be paired up already. Huang Renjun is your only choice, and although it doesnât fill you with relief, you wonder why he chose you, when in reality, heâs the popular oneâ he has many different choices to pick from. Maybe he was just too lazy to ask anyone else. Who knows.
Clearing your throat again, you avert your gaze from the front of the classroom and try to sneak a look on your seatmate. The platinum blonde hair neatly styled on his head doesnât fail to make you shocked again, but you figure you must start to get used to it now, because you canât keep living with the constant urge to stare at the boy just because he dyed his hair. Waiting for him to look at you or give you any sign of the fact that heâs willing to work on the project, you continue your little staring contest with his side profileâ it seems like heâs in the mood to ignore you today, so you gotta bring out the big guns and actually talk to him instead.
âSo⌠how do you want to work on this?â you mumble out, nervously bumping your knee up and down. Human interaction isnât your favorite thing in the world, mainly because you donât like things youâre not good atâ this includes sports, but mainly volleyball, drawing, knitting and mixing drinks as wellâ but youâd say with full confidence that making friends and talking to new people is truly the worst thing you could ever imagine.Â
You notice that your seatmate finally recognised your efforts to spark up a conversationâ he rewards you with a shrug of his shoulders as he not only does not look at you, but also decides to lay on the desk instead, closing his eyes as if this was the perfect time for him to catch up on his lost sleep. âDunno,â he says, âwe have plenty of time, letâs not do this right now.â
Blinking a few times at the male, you are once again struck by lightning that is his weird attitude to things. If this was how he behaved with Yunjin, you canât blame the girl for breaking up with himâ everything about the smug look on his face and the fact that he chose to take your favorite seat in the classroom makes your blood boil with annoyance.Â
âW-what?â you stutter out, still not quite believing your ears.Â
The man doesnât reply to youâ itâs too much effort, it seemsâ only making you angrier. Why did he even choose you as his partner if he didnât want to work on the project in the first place? Youâre no stranger to procrastination and leaving work for last minute, and youâre also not really a fan of the feeling of stress creeping up your back whenever you give in to the inevitable action of procrastinating; so if it comes to a project that is quite literally 70% of your grade, you would rather not do everything the week before.
Seeing that youâre getting ignored again, you put on your brave face as you fold your hands on your chest, determined to do something about the issue at hand. âCanât you just put in some effort, man? Iâd rather not do this last minute. I know that you probably donât give a shit, but I do care about my grades, yâknow,â you get out, seeing as the man next to you finally straightens his back and looks at you sharplyâ as if he has any right to point you with the killing look in this dark eyesâ before he squints in mock agony.
âDo you really have to be such a fucking perfectionist?â he snaps at you, taking you by surprise.Â
This is not how you imagined Huang Renjun to be. Looking at him over the course of the years, more often than not, you always saw the boy with a welcoming smile on his face. Whenever he was around Yunjin, he was all sweet words and gentle touches, erupting laughter whenever he was around his friends. When you were a freshman, somewhere in the back of your brain, you even envied the circle of friends he had around him, daydreaming about fitting in with them when you were lonely at lunch break. That was before you met Jimin at volleyball practiceâ the extracurricular you lasted in only for a week with the intention of making some friends (at least it worked) â and moved in with her in your second semester when both of your roommates decided to drop out. The girl provided you with undeniable love and care, and while you no longer desired to fit into a circle like Huang Renjunâs, talking to him now makes you feel like a child with crushed dreams.
âIâm sorry?â is all you get out as you stare at him with shock. If you were in a better mood, you wouldâve searched through your brain to find a snarky remark to bite back at the boy. Itâs too early in the morning and you werenât prepared for his attitude, though, so you only opt to stare at him as he sighs in what you presume is annoyanceâ or defeatâ as he scatters through his backpack and takes you a notebook, opening it to the first page and clicking his pen he found somewhere in the depths of his bag so he can write with it.
Too taken aback from his sudden change of mind, you wait for him to initiate any other action. You really donât feel like getting screamed at again, so you chose to play it safe as you watch the man scribble the words Final project at the very top of the paper, underlining it two times and circling it five, the weird ritual making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.
â25 pages. We split half and half, so you can come up with whatever you want. We can do the design together and I really couldnât give less shit about who works on the cover, so if you really want to do it, you can. Good?â he says, not once looking at you as he writes the words down on the paper.Â
âAmazing,â you bite back with irony, shuffling your chair closer to the table so you can take a look at his notes, âthe magazine has to have a coherent theme, though, doesnât it? If we work on the pages by ourselves and just do whatever, as you said, itâs gonna be shit.â
You chose to accommodate yourself to the pattern of his speechâ a habit you always do with new people, but in this situation, what feels the most safe. Seeing the man sigh again, twirling the ballpoint pen in between his fingers, he shrugs at your point and offers you a half-assed solution.
âWe can figure that out later.â
Biting back a chuckle at his comment, itâs now your turn to sigh. Why was he being so difficult? Is it really that hard to make an effort on something important, especially when he was the one who said he wanted to work with you in the first place? Shaking your head in disbelief at his actions, you lean back in your chair and take out your own notebook, set on the decision of brainstorming as much as you can, hopefully coming out with some solid ideas you could incorporate in the magazine.
You have no idea what direction Renjun would go with. You donât know anything about his interests or hobbies, and you surely donât know what would inspire him or what he would want to write about. And with his new change of persona, you find him even more unreadable than heâs been in the pastâ and you canât say you like the way he treats you right now. It seems like his sudden metamorphosis managed to change his brain synapses as well, because this is not the idea of Huang Renjun that you knew until now.
Chewing on the end of your pencil, you take a glimpse of your seatmate. He is messily scribbling something down onto his paper, seemingly realizing that the sooner you start working on this, the better, and with how full his paper seems to be, you wonder if this project wonât be that hard to complete after all.
âWeâre doing the cover together,â you mumble out, seeing as the boy tears his eyes off his paper, glaring at you instead.
Almost expecting him to snap at you again, awaiting his suggestion that you will be the one doing all the work, youâre left with an answer that satisfies you with yet another surprise. âIf you really insistâŚâ
âAre you really sure you want to do this right now?â Jimin asks you as you put on your shoes at the door, slinging your backpack containing not only your laptop and notebooks, but also snacks just in case you get hungry. Looking at her through the hair falling into your face that you efficiently get out of the way with a poof of breath coming out of your mouth, you chuckle at her distress. The girlâs been watching you get ready for the last 15 minutes, with her robe on and bowl of guacamole in her right palm, eating up on the tortilla chips every once in a while as she squints at you with disbelief.
âYeah, why not?â you shrug. âIf heâs initiating this, I donât see a problem. Besides, I think that if I donât take every chance I get, Iâll end up working on the project alone, and I really donât like that idea.â
Humming in agreement for the first time since you told your roommate that Renjun texted you if you wanted to work on the project today, Jimin motions to the phone sitting at the entryway table next to the front door. âWell, just make sure to text me if anything goes wrong and Iâll come pick you up,â she suggests, making you giggle at her noticeable worry.Â
âOkay, mum,â you shake your head in disbelief, finally slugging the backpack over your shoulder and walking out of the door of your apartment.Â
The truth is, you canât really blame Jimin for her over-protective behavior. Ever since you retold her everything that happened that one time in Journalism class, sheâs been wary of Huang Renjun. You would agree with all of her arguments of how much of a dick he is when acting like that, but you also donât really think you have to put more energy into hating him at this moment, since it wonât really help you with your assignment and you donât have any other choice. You are stuck with a grumpy project partner and thatâs how the rest of your semester will goâ you just have to learn how to live with his annoying remarks and snarky comments at whatever you say. Who knows, he may be in his âhating all womenâ era, considering the breakup and allâŚ
You canât say you werenât surprised when he added you on Instagram and messaged you about the project this afternoon, though. Considering that you were always the one initiating the talks about the final assignment over the course of the last few weeks, you werenât expecting him to finally be the one reaching out. You would be stupid to not take him up on the offer, since you donât know if it will happen ever againâ who knows, he might have accidentally smashed his head into something and get a sudden revelation that is only a one time type of situationâ and thatâs exactly why you responded to him almost immediately (to which you admittedly, got a bit of an ick from yourself) and agreed to meet him at 6 in his apartment.
You were pleasantly surprised to learn that his place was only a 15 minute walk away from yours when he texted you the address, and after a few more minutes of scrolling through his Instagram that was privateâ and therefore hidden away from your eyes until nowâ you set yourself on the difficult journey.
Upon arriving at the apartment building, ringing the door bell and texting him to let you in just in case, so he knows itâs you, you start to feel a bit nervous, though. The truth is, you donât really know what youâre getting yourself into as you walk into the elevator and press the button that takes you to the fourth floorâ as he texted you the moment the door to the complex openedâ and you think itâs safe to imagine you could be running out of that apartment at any given moment. Maybe Jimin was right and you shouldâve taken at least some self-defense tools with you. You never know these days.
Once the elevator door opens and you step outside of the small space, you get prepared to take out your phone again to text him and ask which door leads to his apartmentâ the right or leftâ when youâre surprised with the sight of Huang Renjun already waiting for you in the doorway, loose sweatpants, messy hair and all, expecting your arrival.
Clearing your throat, you tightly smile at the male. âHello.â
âHi,â is all he responds as he moves away from the door and disappears into the apartment, seemingly thinking you're going to follow him and get inside, no questions asked. You expected at least an invitation to his premises, even a wave of his hand would be nice, you think, but you guess you canât really have expectations that high when it comes to menâ especially if the man in question is the insufferable Huang Renjun.
Taking your shoes off at the entranceâ because even though your host doesnât have good manners, you still doâ the figure of Huang Renjun suddenly appears in the doorway of one of the rooms, watching you put the sneakers into a corner that seems to be designated for footwear. Looking up at him with expecting eyes, he finally breaks the awkward silence as he takes a step inside one of the rooms, calling you to go after him.
âWe can work here, I guess,â he mumbles, leading you into what you presume is a living room connected to a kitchenâ the place is not that big, but you are a broke university student too, so you donât have it in you to judge. The place is surprisingly clean and adorned with multiple plants all around the corners of the room and windowsills, the only thing out of place being some dishes at the kitchen counter, waiting to be either used or put away, since they look washed. Thereâs a sofa in the shape of an L in the middle of it all, a TV sitting right opposite of it on a small TV stand, and when you notice an opened laptop on the coffee table, you presume that this is your work station for the day. You half expected him to invite you to his bedroom, but you guess that you canât really complainâ this feels much less awkward anyway.Â
Nodding at his words, you move to the sofa and rest your backpack against the foot of it. Taking out your laptop as well, you sit crossed-legged at the soft cushions as you watch Renjun walk over to the kitchen side of the room, opening up a cupboard and taking out two glasses, bringing them to the crowded coffee table alongside with a bottle of soda. You think this is his way of welcoming you in as your guest, but you donât have it in yourself to thank himâ heâs the one being silent all the time anyway. You wonât put effort unless he does.
The boy silently takes a seat opposite of you, but chooses the carpeted floor instead of the sofaâ a sight that almost makes you chuckle in amusement when he struggles to fold his legs in the small spaceâ sighing and bringing the laptop closer to himself, rubbing a palm across his face in presumed tiredness.Â
âDid you work on the ideas for the articles?â you ask, voice low, as if you were afraid to speak first, now that youâre in his space. âIf theyâre too different from mine, we can make like⌠sections⌠in the magazine⌠or something like that. But I think it would be easier if they correlated, you know.â
Renjun hums, not giving you many words this time either. Heâs always difficult to work with, but today, it irritates you twice as muchâ maybe because youâve gone out of your way to meet him at his apartment, when it was all his idea to work on the project today in the first place. Sighing in disappointment, the boy takes it as a hint that you expect more of him than tired hums and silent nods, and so he opens his mouth to speak, soft voice echoing through the silent apartment.
âI did,â he says, âdonât really know what youâre going for, but I have a short list.â
Satisfied with his answer, you nod. âCan I see it?â
Shrugging, he looks around for a while, eyes searching through the place as he finally finds the paper peeking out from the bottom of the coffee tableâ so much for the seemingly clean spaceâ and offers the A4 format to you, scribbles in blue ink almost unreadable as you squint onto them, bringing them closer to your face. Once your eyes finally get adjusted to his handwriting, you manage to decipher a few of the words heâs written down; some of his ideas are neatly described, yet, some of them are just a simple word that barely gives you any idea of what he truly meant to say.
The difference between more thought-out ideas like âKaraoke songs (history, questionnaire of favorites across the campusâŚ)â, âThe importance of art in educationâ, âHow to really use wikipediaâ and simple words like âcampusâ, âfestivalsâ and âsoccer(?)â almost makes you laugh out loud, but you note that the boy actually took the time of his day to work on the project like he promised you he would the last time you spoke about it in class, so you canât really say anything mean to him, for you truly think it would hurt his pride. Nodding as you finish reading over the list, you offer the paper back to him, noticing him watching you with eyes full of undeniable expectancy.
âSatisfied?â he asks, irony seeping through his voice.Â
Rolling your eyes at himâ because of course he has to be annoying about everythingâ you choose to not play by his rules, opting to nod instead and let the tiniest bit of irritation show only through your ironic smile as you reply to him. âVery, actually.â
Seeing as heâs satisfied with himself, you choose to continue to lead this meeting with the same energy as to this moment. You think itâs the safest choice, and itâs also what he seems to be comfortable with, so you donât beat around the bush and speak up again. âI think it wonât be that hard to combine our lists, since our ideas arenât that different,â you note, cringing at the suggestion that you and the man in front of you actually kind of think alike, âbut I think it would be nice if we chose a few topics and wrote about them together. I bet the professor would like to see some articles written by the both of us, so it shows that we actually worked on it together, donât you think?â
âNot really,â he mumbles under his breath, taking you off guard. See, maybe you got ahead of yourself when you thought that this afternoon might go by smoothlyâ you forgot for a moment that Huang Renjun enjoys the idea of being a total ass to the people around him (or you, at least) these days. Huffing at his response, you furrow your brows in disbelief.
âWhy not?â
âJust⌠donât wanna,â he answers shortly, shrugging in nonchalance.
The sight of him in front of you, not even sharing eye contact as he points his gaze towards his laptop, makes your blood boil. What does he even think of himself? You were starting to think that Jimin was rightâ you shouldâve rethought this interaction over and spared yourself the trouble, because this was surely not going anywhere.
âLook, I donât know whatâs gotten into you, but you were clearly the one that told me we were project partners, so I donât know why youâre being so difficult about this-â you huff, but are instantly cut off by your partner.
âIâm being difficult?â
âYes,â you jump in, âyes you are! And I donât get why you even invited me over to work on this, when you clearly donât have the slightest intention to do so in the first place!â you complete, almost ready to stand up from your place on the light-brown sofa and storm out of his apartment.Â
He chuckles at your outburst, rolling his eyes. âWell, Iâm sorry Iâm not in the mood to work on a stupid project after arguing the whole day on the phone with my cheating ex-girlfriend,â he mutters.
The moment those words come out of his mouth, it seems like the already silent apartment gets even quieter. Staring at him in dumbfoundance, the spark that ignited the anger in you suddenly dies out as you ponder on your next actions. Because what does one do when your project partner suddenly overshares possibly one of the most traumatic and heartbreaking facts about himself so casually, in between snarky comments and a petty argument? Sure, you do feel sorry for him nowâ because no matter how shitty a person acts to you, nobody deserves to get cheated onâ and you suddenly wonder if the whole change of atmosphere in his character isnât the direct result of this very fact.Â
You canât tell him that youâre sorryâ because frankly, you know that Huang Renjun doesnât want your pity. He doesnât want to hear that you feel sorry for him and what happened, because youâre not friends and youâre not close enough for you to express such feelings towards him. A question arises in the very same essence, though, making you wonder why he even chose to share this information with you in the heat of the moment in the first place, and even though you could excuse his lack of motivation to work on the project by this fact, it still doesnât change the reality that he was the one initiating the whole thing, and suddenly, you feel confused.Â
He invited you over to work on a project, even though his mood was shitty and he didnât have the motivation to do so. One would find that ridiculous, but if you really look past the sharp eyes and the bleached mess on his head, you could see the true intention behind his actionsâ the poor boy just wanted a distraction. And with how empty his apartment seems to be right nowâ his roommate, Donghyuck (a person that Jimin shares a Finance class with, as you learned this very afternoon) is nowhere to be seenâ you only bet you were the last option he had instead of wallowing himself in pity and terror.Â
Jimin would argue that youâre stupid for your next actionsâ you would even agree, because this truly doesnât feel like youâ but still, despite going against yourself in a way, you close the laptop sitting in your lap and reach over to the soda he placed in the middle of the coffee table, pouring yourself a glass. You donât leave his apartment like you fantasized of doing just a few minutes ago; instead, after downing the sickeningly sweet liquid, the bubbles hurting your throat, you rest your back against the sofa and watch the boy in a new light.
âOkay, letâs not work on the assignment, then,â you calmly say, âwanna watch something on Netflix instead?â you ask, seeing him staring at you with confusion in his expression.
âI donât-â
âItâs okay if you donât have it, I can log in with my roommateâs account. Sheâs probably watching Singleâs Inferno right now, but Iâll text her to find something better to do instead,â you donât let him finish his sentenceâ because you already know that heâd try to protest to your suggestionâ shrugging in nonchalance as you reach over to the TV remote you find sandwiched between the sofa cushions.
Turning the TV on, not even sparing a glance to the grumpy-looking boy sitting on the floor opposite of you, the shuffling of clothes and socked-feet on the ground lands into your ears, a figure taking the remote out of your hand when you canât figure out how the TV works, a low mumble full of fake offendance masking the shameful, yet clear gratitude in his voice.
You donât miss it as you look over at him with a tight-lipped smile, though, seeing the Netflix app suddenly come up on the TV, his shoulders relaxing as he settles into the cushions of the sickeningly colored sofa.Â
âOf course I have Netflix, what do you think I am, poor?â he grunts.
âŚand the old Renjun is back.
Arriving at class the next week, youâre finally met with less nervousness than the last few times. After interacting with Huang Renjun more and seeing him break his stone-cold demeanor in front of you as you two watched Netflixâ he even made popcorn after the second episode of Unsolved mysteries you decided to watch when you saw the show in his âcontinue watchingâ list and gushed about how itâs your favorite (to which he told you that youâre weird, but heâs the one binge watching it too, so you really donât know why youâre the problem and he's not). Thankfully he doesnât seem as smug and insufferable as he did before. Itâs not like youâre suddenly best friends or anything, but you can feel the ice between you melting with every word he sends your way that isnât laced with ironyâ not that there's many of them, since Huang Renjun loves his sarcasmâ but itâs progress in your book.
Walking over to your usual seat in the classroom, making your backpack fall to the ground next to your desk with a soft thud, you sit at the chair and take out your things for the class when you notice something standing in the way of your notebook and pencil case in the middle of the table.Â
Furrowing your brows in confusion, you move the cup of coffee out of your way, closer to your seatmateâs side. Sighing, you mumble under your breath. âDonât you have enough space for your things on your side of the table?â
âThatâs yours,â he deadpans. Gaze switching between the cup of iced americano from the coffee shop at the corner of the campus (you know it by the plastic cup with their logo on itâ it's too tacky for your liking and you even gushed about it to Jimin the day the cafĂŠ opened) and the blonde boy next to you, confusion doesnât seem to leave your insides as you let out an unfocused hum, showing him that youâre still not following.Â
âDo you not like coffee or something?â he hisses, seemingly annoyed at your expression. If you saw yourself in the mirror, maybe youâd understand his frustrationâ your brows are furrowed and there's a crease in the middle of your forehead from how hard you're racking your brain to come up with answersâ but now, youâre just in utter disbelief. Maybe you are a little slowâ itâs only 8 in the morning, to your defenseâ but you really donât remember bringing coffee to school today. Especially not an iced americanoâ you donât like the bitter taste, opting to choose a sweeter drink like a caramel macchiato or the infamous pink drink that Jimin teased you for the last time you got it. So how did this strange cup of coffee end up on your table?
Looking around the space, noticing another half-empty cup of coffee on Renjunâs side of the table, the label on the plastic the same as the cup that was waiting on your side, you finally connect the dots. âDid you get that for me?â
âYeah,â he nods, not even looking at you as he agrees, taking another sip of his coffee instead.Â
Now, you do finally know where the strange cup of coffee came from. Why did Renjun buy you coffee in the first place, though, is still a mystery to you, but you guess with how heâs avoiding your gaze, eyes glued to the white board and an uninterested expression sitting on his face, you think itâs better to not ask him any other follow-up questions. He did something nice for you, and with how your thoughts and rationalization are the only clues you can use in figuring out the reason behind it, you wonder if this was his way of apologizing for being rude to you and thanking you for hanging out with him last week.
âThanks,â you mumble out instead, smiling at his humming figure that barely acknowledges your spoken gratitude. Taking a sip of the drink, while trying really, really hard not to scowl at the bitter taste, you shift your focus on the class instead, taking notes from time to time. Drinking the coffee as if it was a disgustingly tasting medicine your mother forced you to take when you were littleâ you hated the taste, but had to get through it anywayâ you eventually finish your iced americano somewhere in the middle of the lecture. You feel kind of proud of your acting skills, but thereâs also an annoying voice somewhere in the back of your head asking you why you even forced yourself to get through that drink anyway and why is it that you didnât want to hurt Renjunâs feelings by refusing it in the first place.Â
But like anyone in your position would, you shush that voice out of your head.
âDid you finish watching the whole season last week?â you ask instead, suddenly interested in having a conversation with him. After you told Jimin about how your weird hang-out with Renjun went, she practically scolded you for not going home right after he let out the first snarky comment out of his mouth. And maybe sheâs right and the whole thing youâre trying to doâ but what are you even trying to do in the first place? â makes you seem like youâre out of your mind, but at the end of the day, you did finally progress in watching the TV show after putting it on hold for multiple months because your dear roommate wouldnât stop begging you to watch all of the seasons of Too hot to handle with you instead, so itâs a win in your book.
âI didnât,â he replies, his voice quiet enough only for you to hear, not interrupting the rest of the class, âHyuck, my roommate, didnât come home until like 11pm and I got too creeped out to watch it alone after you left,â he completes, his face completely serious as he utters out the laughable words.
Chuckling at his response, you see him crack a smile from the corner of your eye. The sight is a rather pleasant one, for you think you've forgotten how it looks in what seems like ages since the obvious breakup with his girlfriend happened, the reminder of his squinted eyes and full cheeks making you feel accomplished, in a way. âDidnât think you were the type to get scared so easily,â you tease him.
âNot scared,â he huffs out, offended, âjust creeped out. Thatâs different.â
âDid you wait for your roommate because you were too scared to go to sleep?â you test the waters with more teasing, your tone light and playful.
âNo, I waited for him because the last time he got home late and I was asleep, he came home drunk and broke down the door to his room and we had to get it replaced,â he announces, making you cover your mouth with the palm of your hand as you almost burst out into a loud giggle.Â
âYou know what? Yeah. Valid.â
Your conversation falls silent after that, and it makes your spirit fall for a split second. You donât even know why you wanted it to continueâ you donât know your seatmate, and frankly, you shouldnât have the desire to do so in the first place. But the sudden act of service thrown your way, although the coffee was disgusting and he couldâve presented the gift to you in a different, more welcoming way, made you get your hopes upâ about what exactly, though?Â
Jimin always told you that desperately wanting to be everyoneâs friend (despite being socially awkward and kind of nervous around new people), is one of your best and worst qualities at the same time. Best, because it means that youâre nice to peopleâ worst, because youâre nice even to people that donât deserve your kindness; and you also get too disappointed when people donât share the same enthusiasm with you. Maybe some friendships are meant to keep at surface level, and if this was the type of relationship you and your project partner are about to have, youâre going to have to let go of that annoying voice in your head that keeps telling you to get deeper than that level.
âWhy did you dye your hair, by the way?â you ask him nonetheless, after a few heartbeats of silence, curiosity getting the best of you. The moment this question leaves your mouth, you regret itâ thinking you somehow couldâve made the boy uncomfortable, your words annoying to his earsâ but instead of rolling his eyes at you or telling you to shut up, he replies instead. The reaction surprises youâ he really conditioned you to think that every question of yours is going to be met with spite and tantrum, didn't he?
âDunno,â he says, shrugging, âthey say blondes have more fun, so I think itâs only natural to go blonde when youâre sad. To cancel it out, or something,â he snickers as he looks at you, realizing the implication of his words makes the whole statement kind of embarrassing, his tight-lipped smile being the proof of his internal battle not to cringe at his explanation.
You understand, humming in acknowledgment. Youâre just a simple woman, after allâ you very well understand the urge to change your hair after a breakup. While it is a visible proof of his mental breakdown, you guess you canât really blame him for trying to feel like there are things that are under his control; even if itâs just the color of his hair.
Walking along Renjun, the atmosphere is thick and a little awkward. Your bag is heavy on your back and youâre slowly starting to feel a bit of an ugly sting in your bones from it; you mourn the fact that you decided to ask Renjun to walk there with you instead of having to take the bus by yourself, too afraid of getting the address wrong and getting lost along the way. Youâd love any kind of transport instead of your own two legs right now, since the walk seems to be never ending and youâre pretty certain that the backs of your feet have calluses from wearing your new shoes that you got from a clearance sale from the Nike store at the corner of the town.Â
Clearing your throat, you decide to spark up a conversation. It seems like you always have to be the one to initiate things when it comes to Renjunâ itâs kind of ironic, though, when you think of the fact that he was the one that made you be his project partner in the first place.âWhy did you wanna do the article about the shelter? I didnât know you were an animal person,â you hum, testing the waters with a casual question.Â
Looking up at you, furrowing his brows, the man offers you an indifferent shrug. âMy friend Taeyong works there and he wanted to advertise the shelter a little, so I offered to take pictures for his Facebook page in exchange for me writing the article about it,â he mumbles, âhe thinks that would give the shelter more exposure too, but I doubt it. Nobodyâs gonna read our fake magazine anyway, itâs just an assignmentâŚâ
Humming, you kick the rocks on the pavement, a tight-lipped smile appearing on your face. Huang Renjun must do a lot for his friends, you think. You remember him taking pictures for his friend Xiaoting onceâ sheâs an influencer (a model, if you want) and well known around the campus. When you saw his instagram username in one of the picture descriptions one day, you were surprised at the quality of those shoots (and it also led you to stalking his instagram for a bit, but thatâs not the main point of this conversation). You also remember seeing him with his friends Shotaro and Yangyang in a team when it was your schoolâs annual Sports day (youâd argue that youâre not high schoolers anymore and this day is useless, but your classmates seem to think otherwise) trying his best, despite not really liking sports in the first placeâ or so you heard and seen from how badly he did in most disciplines except from runningâ and if thatâs not a sign of him doing everything he could just to make his friends happy, you donât know what is. So to see him doing an article about the animal shelter Taeyong works at, despite being more of a plant person himself, youâre not as surprised as you thought youâd be. He does show affection to his friends, after allâ youâre just not one of them to see that side of him often.
Walking some more, you eventually end up in front of a big building painted a light tangerine color, windows decorated with pretty curtains on full display to you. Renjun chimes in like a regular, crossing multiple halls and taking sharp turns before youâre met with the image of a taller man with dark brown hair putting small, pastel colored collars on necks of a few little creatures running around the room, despair clearly written on his face.
âNo! Donât run away, oh god-â
Chuckling at the view of yet another kitten running away from his hands, you admire the fluffy little cats crawling all around the place, your heart quickly softening at the sight of them. Itâs been a while since you were around animals yourselfâ the dog you had back home died the summer before the semester started and you werenât really in the mood to get a new one, since you werenât going to be around much anyway.Â
When yet another kitten escapes the manâs hold, you find yourself watching Renjun as he crouches to the floor and swiftly takes one into his hands, walking closer to the man with collars in his hands, grinning to himself. âHere you go.â
âMan, the cats hate me⌠where did you two get here?â he shakes his head in disbelief, putting a collar onto the small cat before he pets it on its tiny head.
âJust a minute ago,â Renjun says, âis that one Poppy?â he asks, reading the name tag dangling from the little band around its head, affection filling his words.
âNow it is. I got confused when they all started running around,â he shrugs, sighing as he looks around the room, counting the last few kittens that needed their collars. His eyes soon land on you, a welcoming smile spreading on his boxy lips. âHey! Iâm Taeyong. You must be Y/N.â
âNice to meet you,â you smile, trying to make yourself seem as nice as possible. You donât know what Renjun told him about you, but if they were bad things, you only hope to undeceive the man with your warm attitude.Â
Renjun then puts the kitten down, and while youâd expect it to run away from him and join its siblings in the corner of the room, the creature does quite the oppositeâ it stays by his side and lays on the ground close to him, making even Taeyong himself gasp at the image. âWow,â he snickers, âyou should start coming here every time I need to put these on them, youâre like a cat whisperer.â
While the two of them chat, you stay a little behind, not really wanting to intrude. You take off the heavy bag and take out your camera, deciding to take a few pictures of the shelter instead, so you can say you worked on the interview with him. You think itâs expected of you, since he asked you to come along despite being absolutely fully capable of doing the interview with his friend alone, so you do your work and zoom in on the two of them talking, snapping a few quick pictures.Â
After a while, you take a seat on the groundâ being the infamous enjoyer of sitting on the hard surface of it, earning yourself a lot of scolding screams from your mother growing upâ and fully take in the interior. The walls are the same light tangerine color as the outside ones, and thereâs a little enclosure in the corner of the room that would surely make Taeyongâs job much easier if only he had used it. There are bags of cat food in the other corner of the room, and while the shelter doesnât look very modern or fancy, you think itâs kinda homey and welcoming. You bet kids would love it hereâ with the colorful atmosphere and the smiley worker running around catching kittens, and after a while of taking pictures of everything your eyes land on, you find your inner child healing, little by little.
The truth is, you always wanted a cat. But you were never able to get one, because your mother hates them. No matter how hard you tried, no matter how many times you petted strays on the street and begged her to take them home, you never won this battleâ so you had to settle on a dog. And donât get me wrong, you loved your dog, but at the end of the day, you knew you were more of a cat person anyway.
Reaching forward a little, noticing the kitten waddling your way, you think of petting itâ it quickly jumps out of your reach, though, too scared of your touch, and youâre left frowning, the bubble bursts at the rejection from the small ball of fluffiness.
âTaeyong?â you hear a voice of a woman call from the door, the man swiftly turning to her with brows raised in question. âThey need your help with the big dogs. They keep dragging Yeri on the leash and sheâs too weak to get them to their cages.â
âOh,â the man deadpans, scratching his neck for a bit before he turns to Renjun again, escaping the room in one swift motion, âIâll be right back!â
The room falls silent after that, no longer having the background noise of their conversation playing as you observe the animals. You feel the atmosphere growing thicker again, and as time passes by, you find yourself taking short glances at your project partner, wondering whatâs on his mind. One moment, heâs crouching down and petting the cats that come his way, the other, he is gazing out of the window with a soft frown that takes over his features like a dark shadow, and you wonder when this expression really settled into his face and made itself the default, and why is it not willing to leave. Not really knowing what to say or what to do to make the boy thatâs still so out of your reach feel any better, you opt for silence, even though it does get quite heavy and thick over timeâ and the truth is, you donât even know why you notice yourself feeling this way so often around him, when all heâs done was give you the cold shoulder so often and then offer you an iced americano you donât even like in the first place.
Minutes pass and the silence slowly makes your ears ring; you desperately try to find a good solution in your brainâ create a script where hanging out with Renjun is easier and less nerve-wreckingâ but still, thereâs nothing and youâre left with the awkwardness and hesitance. Sighing when another kitten escapes your grasp, you put your hands into your lap and give up on the task, settling on just watching them insteadâ there was no use in you trying to pet one when all it wanted to do was run away from you.
Watching the group of fluff jumping at each other and sleeping all around the room, your focus only shifts when thereâs a kitten suddenly thrusted into your point of view, its big blue eyes staring you down making you awe. You wonder how it got there in a moment of full stupidity before you look up and see your project partner, the cat magnet himself, holding the cat up to you, waiting for you to take it into your hold and pet it. Gazing at him with mouth agape in confusion, he slowly puts the cat into your lap, petting the creature when it settles, and takes a seat opposite of you all in the span of a few seconds, the action making you smile uncontrollably.
âTheyâre adorable, arenât they?â he mumbles, watching as you pet the kitten in your lap, cooing at the soft fur. Thereâs a hint of you that desperately wants to adopt it once you finally pet the small cat, but you know that it wouldnât be a smart ideaâ animals are banned at dorms and you donât think youâd have enough energy to take care of another living creature right now anyways.
âThey are,â you hum, âI always wanted one.â
âWhy didnât you get one, then?â
âMy mum doesnât like them very much,â you mumble, pouting at the small creature in your hold, as if to apologize for the words coming out of your mouth.
He hums in acknowledgement, picking up another kitten that waddles his way, putting it up on his thighâ his body now sitting cross-legged on the floor. Watching as the animal crawls up his body and tickles him with its claws, soft laughter erupts out of him, making you smile unconsciously at the boy.Â
âIâm not really into animals that much,â he says, further proving your earlier claims. Seeâ in some ways, Renjun is easy to read. Just by looking at him, you could tell heâs not a fan of sweet beverages; you can tell he enjoys black coffeeâ just like the one he brought you that dayâ and herbal teas, perfectly matching the image of him in your head thatâs surrounded by plants rather than animals, just the bit of greenery you saw around the kitchen very clearly still alive and thriving making you believe you are correct in this assumption as well. One can say a lot about a person by the way they dress, and with Renjunâs casual, yet cozy attire, you can tell he dresses for himself, choosing comfort over style, but still looking effortlessly put together at the same time. You would never strike him as someone that makes spontaneous decisions, rather being more focused on a plan, so to see him dye his hair so randomly is a sign of the fact that thereâs something crumbling inside of himâ a sense of security, maybe a feeling of stablenessâ that he tries so hard to grasp.Â
âThey are into you, though,â you giggle when the kitten purrs at his touch, pointing at the cross-eyed creature.Â
âWhat can I say,â he shrugs, âI guess Iâm that irresistible.â
There arenât many opportunities for you to laugh at his jokes. Mainly because he doesnât make many, but also because you always notice them being self-deprecating, and you donât want to support that idea in his head. At this one, though, you send him a soft chuckle and a roll your eyes, showing how you seemingly think the idea is ridiculous and his joke is corny, but deep inside knowing that you resonate with his words.
In a moment of selfishnessâ an indulgence you try to mask by the fact that you came here because of the assignment and this was your job in the first placeâ you take your camera and snap a picture of the boy in front of you, his hands holding the small kitten up in air and snickering when he sees you pointing the lens to him in order to capture him playing with the creature. You donât know what it is that makes your heart warm up at the image that comes up on the screen shortly after, but you figure thatâs a problem of future you and thereâs no use in pondering about it now.
You donât know how many minutes pass with just the two of you playing with the kittens, but when Renjun takes his phone out of his pocket and checks the time, you furrow your brows before he hums. âHeâs taking so much time,â he says, sighing.Â
All while playing with the fuzzy small balls, you didnât even notice the time passing by so quickly. You donât know how much time itâs been, but you assume it could be more than 35 minutes of the two of you left alone in the room, Taeyong seemingly too overwhelmed with the shelter responsibilities.
âMaybe we should go,â he offers, catching you off guard.
âOh,â you hum, âwell, maybe. But you havenât even done an interview with him yet,â you mumble, your hands lost in the soft fur of the kitten still laying in your lap.
âI can just send him the questions to his email. Perhaps, Iâm sure youâve taken more than enough pictures of the kittens for his Facebook page,â he snickers, shrugging, âI donât see why we should be staying here if heâs busy, weâre only putting more work on him.â
âI- I meanâŚâ you mumble, trailing off at the end. You donât really wanna say goodbye to the kittens, the healing in your heart not quite done yet, when the boy next to you laughs at what you presume is your emotions showing clearly on your face.
âUnless you wanna play with them more, of course. We can stay a little longer, then.â
The autumn season slowly fades into winter, time passing by quicker than you could even grasp. The shock and surprise of having to work on the lengthy project with Renjun morphs into a feeling of ordinarity, getting used to his mood slowly shifting from reserved and irritated to a one more pleasant, full of hesitant smiles and soft words when he notices you feeling down or disappointed with yourself, and a one more close to a brother-like teasing when he watches you arrive to his apartment to work on things. One would say you hit it off, your energies matching as you slowly get to know the boy, but still, thereâs a hint of something inside of you that makes you grow nervous around him whenever he is too close to your figure, your body falling limp and your brain working on overdrive. You wonder if itâs the sheer fact of simply not being fully used to his presence; while Jimin says youâre down bad for the man. Sheâs wrongâ or at least youâre convinced that she isâ and thatâs why you simply think the uncertain feeling of uneasiness that settles in your bones sometimes is the effect of the fact that you never truly know what to expect when you arrive at Renjunâs place.
Some days, when you arrive, thereâs a mess waiting for you in the living room, where you usually work on the project with Renjun. There are pots and pans with dried food everywhere and your partnerâs hands are foaming with washing liquid when he opens the door for you, and you giggle at the sight. Other days, the apartment is full of people you donât know and Renjun has to throw them out with a scream saying that the group was supposed to leave two hours ago, and when you come on weekends, he lets you in wearing sweatpants and bed hair, as if he spent the whole day in his sheets. Dare you say, this is your favorite version of himâ his eyes are half-lidded and he moves slowly, even his remarks arenât as harsh as they tend to get. Jimin once argued and told you that you two donât even need to meet that often for the sake of the projectâ and on a weekend as wellâ but youâd say it adds to the value of the magazine if you two can get opinions out of each other and review each otherâs writing in real time.Â
Some days, his roommate is home, and thatâs when you join Renjun in his room so you two get a bit of privacy (not that youâre doing anything that requires privacy. His roommate Donghyuck is just very nosy and he keeps asking you questions you donât have the time and energy to answer).Â
Today is one of these days, with his energetic roommate roaming the halls of the apartment, but this time, you two donât hide away in the comfort of Renjunâs small, yet very organized room. Sitting in the living room of his and Hyuckâs shared apartment, your bottom meeting the carpeted floor instead of the cushions of their couch, your laptop screen darkening when you donât work on the device for some time and it puts itself to sleep mode. The reason for said action is your attention being somewhere completely elseâ on Donghyuckâs figure trailing in and out of the room, each time wearing a different outfit than before.
âWhat about this one, Y/N? Do I look good?â he asks, posing like a model that didnât pass an audition in any modeling agency, their dream of flashing a smile on the title pages of Vogue fading out of their sight.
You burst out laughing at the weird combination. You donât remember Donghyuck ever being bad at fashion from the few times you've met him before he left their apartment to attend a party or go to classâ youâre quite certain that his habit to always tuck in his shirts into his skinny jeans, the stylistic choice showcasing his long legs making not one, but many girls, boys and others salivate over him. But when seeing him in a tragic combination of cowboy boots and a cow-print shirt, you canât help but giggle.
âHyuck, now youâre just taking the shit. Thatâs your Halloween costume from last year,â the boy next to you on the ground whines, running his hands through his hair in despair.
âOkay, but what if I really want to wear it?â he asks all innocent, his roommate now faking a cry in response, âbesides, I was asking Y/N, so you shut your mouth.â
âI think itâs great,â you nod, wiping the corner of your eyes from the stray tears that fall off from the laughter youâve been doing at the interaction. Your assignment was long forgotten the first moment Donghyuck decided to pay you a visit in the living room, starting with shitting on his professor for making him study on a weekend (which you argued that he couldâve started with earlier in the week, to which he glared at you and asked if he looks like a nerd), and then proceeding to do everything but studyâ starting with making a smoothie in the living roomâ while efficiently making so much noise with the mixer every time Renjun spoke up, annoying the short maleâ to giving you a make-shift fashion show.
âDo you want me to embarrass myself? See, I wore this to test if you were being genuine, but I see now that youâre on Renjunâs side,â he scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief and escaping the living room, making you burst out laughing even more as you hear the door to his room shut with a loud thud.
Heâll come back soonâ youâre sure of it.
And youâre right. After Renjun manages to let out a loud noise of despair at the fact that he has to live with someone like Lee Donghyuckâ not only now, he complains about it every other day, when the latter drags him to parties only for him to be the designated driver for the night and get him home safely, or how he makes him pay for dinner he orders for the both of them without askingâ the other man joins you in the living room again, now dressed casually in sweatpants and a loose shirt.
âOkay, the fashion showâs over. I think Iâll go with the first outfit, just by the way, because it matches my eyes,â he says, quite seriously, to which Renjun only sighs.
âHyuck, your eyes are brown.â
âOkay and?â
âThat what you wore wasâ you know what, never mindâŚâ Renjun shakes his head as he stops himself mid-sentence, making you snicker at the mental image of the outfit Donghyuckâs talking about, because frankly, Renjun is right with his frustration. The shirt his roommate wore was blue, and while it didnât clash in the slightest, it surely didnât match the brown depth of Donghyuckâs orbs, and thatâs what makes the whole thing that much funnier.
Turning your head around to watch Renjunâs roommate moving through the kitchen area, opening up the fridge and pouring himself a glass of milkâ you donât even dare to question him anymoreâ you ask. âWhat is the occasion anyway?â
âJisungâs birthday party,â he mumbles, taking a sip, âyou know Park Jisung, right?â
âNever heard of him,â you shake your head, seeing as the man widens his eyes at you with surprise.
âNo? Well, youâre gonna get to know him soon, then,â he says, shrugging.
âThat sounds like a threat,â you giggle, âwhat do you even mean?â
To that, Donghyuck shifts his eyes to his roommate sitting next to you on the ground, shrugging. âWell, I assumed you were invitedâŚâ he says, grinning to himself.
The man next to you audibly sighsâ what is the reason behind his frustration this time, you truly do not know, but with Renjun, thereâs always something getting on his nerves. He has a problem with having his anger in control sometimes.
Furrowing your eyebrows at the proposition, you shake your head. âWhy would I be invited to Park Jisungâs birthday party?â
âBecause itâs quite the event! Park Jisungâs turning into an adult, and to that, heâs throwing a big party, which means friends of friends of friends are invited,â he says, as if it was the most matter-of-fact information youâve ever heard, âand since youâre a friend of a friend, Iâd assume you get a pass.â
Shrugging, you mutter. âWell, I wasnât invited,â you add, not paying the whole party much thought.Â
The man squints his eyes at the two of you, eyes drifting from one figure to the other, humming to himself as if he was lost in thought. âOkay, thenâŚâ he mysteriously mumbles under his breath before downing the glass and putting it into the sink, completing his visit by exiting the living room.
âWould you come back and wash your dishes after yourself?â Renjun yells into the depths of the apartment, a sneaky remark being thrown his way almost immediately.
âNo, thank you!â
And after watching the interaction, you come to the conclusion that if you were living with Lee Donghyuck, you'd turn kind of crazy too. You canât even blame Renjun anymore. Truth be told, though, you didnât get much work done that Saturday, and you think his sheer presence might be the reason why.
âWhat do you think?â you ask, turning your laptop towards Renjun, the two of you currently sitting in the library, working on your project. Originally, you had planned to go to your placeâ but Jimin texted you last second that she has a guy over, and Renjun said his roommate has a gathering of some sort at his apartment, so you settled on the comfort and silence your university library provides. Not a lot of people are here during this time of the year; the exam season isnât that close yet and no oneâs panicking about last-minute studying, so only a few responsible students are currently scattered across the spacious room on the second floor, working on their essays. You bet theyâre humanities studentsâ they always have the most shit to do when it comes to essays. You study Journalism, but your roommate is a Sociology major, and you donât think youâve ever seen anyone write as many essays as Jimin in a single semester.
What youâre showing Renjun is an opened Microsoft Publisher document, your shared magazine shining from the blue light of the screen. Renjun sent you his copy of the pages heâs done with the animal shelter interview, and as you were looking at the columns of text and off-centered pictures, the perfectionist in you woke up and forced you to fix the tiny mistakes that didnât escape your eye.
âItâs different,â he hums, eyebrows furrowing as he examines the two-page spread, resting his head on his hand, plopped up on his elbow, and pushing his rimmed glasses further up his nose bridge. âDid you change anything?â
âI just⌠played around with it a little,â you mumble, afraid of what he thinks. As far as you know, he could flip out any second and scream at you for doing his work when it was perfectly fine the way he sent it to youâ at least the Huang Renjun you met a few weeks ago would certainly do thatâ and so you donât think itâs that unexpected of you to be so nervous about his opinion.
âThis picture wasnât here before,â he says, pointing to one of the pictures you neatly slotted into the corner of the pageâ it was one of your favorites, you must admit with severe embarrassmentâ with Renjun holding up a baby kitten, looking at it with softened eyes. When you looked at the page spread he sent you the other day, you couldnât believe he didnât add that picture. Something about it being your favoriteâ finding yourself admiring it when you look through the pictures on your cameraâs SD cardâ was enough to make you think itâs surely his favorite as well. It didnât matter that it didnât really fit the professional aura the whole spread radiates. For you, the magazine wasnât complete without including itâ think of that what you will.
âIt was asymmetrical without it, so I had to add itâŚâ you say, scratching the back of your neck. Thatâs a partial lieâ you could make it work if you moved the pictures around a little bit, but Renjun doesnât have to know that.
He hums, eyes scanning over the text, shrugging. âItâs nice. As long as you didnât change the text part, I donât mind,â he says, relief making your shoulders slouch down, not even noticing how tense youâve become, âI actually got bored while working on this, so I get that it didnât really look nice before. Thanks,â he completes, offering you a soft smile as he takes a sip of the black americano sitting on the desk.
âGood,â you nod, shaking off the nervousness from before, âokay.â
Scrolling through the document, moving a few things around, adding better punctuation here and there, the number of pages is still not hitting the criteria for your final grade. Thatâs okayâ you still have a lot of time to complete the magazine and you still have plenty of ideas. To execute them is another thing, but youâre sure youâll find a way.
âWhat about your interview?â Renjun suddenly asks, almost making you jump up from the surprise that is created by his voice suddenly cutting through the silence of the library.
âWhat about it?â you hum, looking at him. His hair is a little tousledâ heâs been putting in way less work than you today, laying on the table occasionally when you donât show him anything on your laptop for a while, acting more as your company than a help. It looks like the coffee on his table is the only thing keeping him awake, and you suddenly feel a little bad for insisting on working on the project even though your initial plans of doing it at your place fell through, because he seems to be exhausted.
âWell, I did the shelter, so you should do something too,â he says, shrugging, âor do something similar, you know⌠I think it would be nice to have you write about something from a reporter's perspective.â
âOh,â you nod, âwell, I dunno⌠I had a few ideas, but itâsâŚâ
âHm?â he motions for you to talk when your voice drifts out, eyes looking at you with patience and genuine interest. The change of demeanor thatâs been happening with him lately slightly shocks you, but you welcome the new character in him with open arms. Still, it doesnât mean you donât get a little hesitant around him whenever he shows you this side of himâ you donât really know how to react, or what to expect of him anymore. Itâs like walking on eggshells, but you canât say you hate the strange anticipation.
âWell, itâs stupid, butâŚâ you start, seeing him roll his eyes at the beginning of your proposition, âmy favorite writer is doing some sort of a fan sign slash q&a thing in the local library next week. Sheâs coming out with a new book, and I think it would be nice to get an interview with her, but sheâs probably very busy and everything, so that wonât work out.â
Looking at Renjun, feeling shy of the sudden revelation of hopes and dreams, you chew on your bottom lip in anticipation. The range of answers he could give you is truly bigâ he could laugh at you, tell you to go alone, or he could tell you that itâs a stupid idea, a boring one, even, or he could be supportiveâ the least likely response, you think. Sharing your idea with him makes you a little hesitant again, feeling a little naked in front of him, and you even avert your gaze towards your laptop and aimlessly scroll through the document to avoid his gaze, to seem more nonchalant and not at all bothered by his lack of words, when he gives you a tired hum.
âWell, you could at least do an article about the library, then. To advertise sustainability, and all⌠And kids these days donât read much, so I think itâs nice to talk about it,â he says, once again folding over the table and burrowing his face in the space between his folded arms and his chest, half sitting, half laying down on the furniture, âwanna go next week? Maybe we can catch that writer of yours.â
Allowing yourself to look at him, relief once again washing over you at the acceptance, you canât help but smile at his slurred words of affirmation. âI mean, Iâm downâŚâ
Doubting you could get the interviewâ not even trying to reach out to the writer, already setting yourself up for the expected failureâ you make plans to visit the library the said day with Renjun anyway. Youâll get your camera and maybe get some nice shots, maybe ask around for an interview from one of the nice, old librarians instead. Itâs not a bad idea, and it fits the vibe of your magazine quite nicely.
Who knows, maybe you could even get your book signed. Doesnât hurt to try.
You think it was safe to say that you didnât expect to see a text message pop up on the screen of your phone one afternoon, the black letters shining darkly on the bright screen with a hesitant, yet a little hurried invitation to Park Jisungâs birthday party. The whole interaction you had about it with Renjun and Hyuck was awkward, and so to see getting an invitation for yourself the day of the said event was a shocking concept, leaving you scrambling your things from various places of your apartment and putting them into a handbag before getting dressed for the occasion.Â
Quickly learning that Lee Donghyuck is a man of his wordâ meaning that he never lies, especially when it comes to big partiesâ your mouth hangs open when you arrive to the address Renjun texted you in the afternoon, the big mension-like building full of people youâve never seen before, leaving you to acknowledge that friends of friends of friends must have been invited to fill up the whole place, since itâs not possible for poor Park Jisung to know everyone at his birthday party. The fact makes you feel less special; the invitation not really making you feel like you were wanted there, the place breaking in its seams making you internalize a thought that you were there just to fill up the blank spaces and Renjun invited you only for the sheer fact of needing a lot of people for his friendâs party. A little disappointed, yet, still kind of amazed at the size of it all, you walk out of Jiminâs carâ she offered to drive you thereâ and hesitantly set your foot to the grass that divides the land from the sidewalk.Â
Feeling a little lost, turning your head in various directions to try to find anyone youâd knowâ Huang Renjun being the best alternative, since he was the one who invited you, after allâ you start to feel a little out of place when no one pays you any attention and the loud music filling your ears only acts as a distraction that slowly makes you oversaturated with stimulus. Just when you go to take your phone out of your bag to call either Renjun or your roommate to come back to pick you up and drive you to the safety of your apartment, a hand lands on your shoulder and makes you turn around in your tracks, a strange sense of comfort enveloping your insides when you see the short blonde peeking at you from under his carelessly styled bangs, a grin sitting on his face. âYouâre here!â
âYeah. I told you Iâd comeâŚ?â you mumble, observing Renjunâs sudden enthusiasm at your arrival, letting the man drag you inside of the building.Â
Youâd be lying if you said you didnât feel all the eyes of the guests on you. While you were a stranger to all of them, you are almost certain the popular Huang Renjun was one of the more known people of the bunch, catching attention of multiple friends of his and also friends of their friends, and suddenly, the feeling of his touch on your wrist as he drags you inside makes your skin burn, your brain almost overheating when you realize this might as well be the first time youâve had any sort of physical contact with the male. Fixing your gaze on his back, enveloped in an oversized leather jacket, you start to wonder if heâs drunk.
âDo you want anything to drink?â he asks, finally turning back to you when you arrive in the spacious kitchen. You wonder if this house is rented, or if Park Jisungâs one of the wealthy kids in the town. You truly have no knowledge on the man, and when you hesitantly look around the room, trying to sort out what alcohol they have in storeâ while mentally thinking of what would make you the least hammered, considering your low alcohol toleranceâ you feel Renjunâs eyes glued to you, heat inevitably rising to your cheeks. âWhatâs that in your hand?â he asks, making you jump out of your haze.
âOh,â you stutter, âI brought a birthday gift for Jisung,â you mumble, seeing Renjunâs glossy eyes blink at you a few times, his lips suddenly twitching up in amusement. In this moment, you think he truly must be drunk, his fingers reaching towards the gift bag in your left hand as he peeks inside, noticing the handwritten card and a box of chocolates you brought to the boy youâve never seen before. Your project partner cracks up as he puts the bag away to the corner of the room.
âYouâre too sweet for this world,â Renjun giggles as he looks back at you, making you widen your eyes in surprise at the affectionate words falling off his tongue.
âWhy?â
âNobody actually expected you to bring a gift, you know,â he says as he walks through the half-empty kitchen, eyes roaming over the solo cups filled with alcohol, âyou donât even know him. Half the people here donât know him and Iâm pretty sure half of his actual friend group didnât give him anything.â
âOh,â you blink, suddenly feeling stupid. âWell, I didnât want to seem rudeâŚâ you sheepishly mumble, scratching the back of your neck in hesitance. Maybe you did go a little overboardâ nobody can really blame you, though. Youâre not a big party goer, and since itâs someoneâs birthday, you only assumed itâs socially expected of you to bring a gift. And itâs Renjunâs friend, on top of thatâ one would say you wanted to give off a good impression, as his plus-one to the party, whatever that means. If you were considered that, to be exactâ with the amount of people here, though, you were starting to feel a little lost in the situation.
âSee, youâre too sweet,â he says, shrugging, eyes still fixated on the kitchen counter as he seemingly searches for a specific drink. Arm motioning towards one of the red solo cups, he suddenly turns to you and offers you the contents, smiling. âHe loves chocolate, though, so that giftâs gonna be his favorite. Well, if it even gets to him in this whole mess⌠rum and coke?â he asks, and without much thought, you eagerly take the cup from his hand, nodding.
âThanks,â you say, tasting the alcohol on your tongue. You donât tell him that rum and coke is your biggest enemyâ not because it tastes bad, quite the opposite, actually. You enjoy the mixture too much for you to control yourself sometimes. You can only pray that you donât get too loose tonight.
The manâs eyes stay strangely glued to your figure as you sip from the cup, and you almost open your mouth to tease him about itâ or ask if thereâs something on your face, either orâ when thereâs a chant coming out of one of the rooms outside, incoherent screams slowly forming into one recognisable wordâ a name, to be exactâ the voices calling Park Jisung, tonightâs birthday boy. Renjunâs eyes widen at that, his body moving fast as he tugs you by your hand again, almost spilling your drink in the process, your figure suddenly standing in a living room seemingly bigger than your whole apartment, the sight in front of you making you laugh.
A tall, lanky boy is thrown up in the air by the arms of multiple menâ one of which you recognise to be Hyuckâ as the whole room chants Jisung's name, the sight a little comedic in your eyes. Rose tint settles on Park Jisung's face as the whistling only gets louder, a few phones with the flash turned on pointed to his face, the moment captured in time. You wonder what the boy did in his life to get this amount of popularity, but you can only imagine that, as one would say, this could very well be a core memory for him. You only turn adult once in your life, and for some reason, the thought of Park Jisung doing so surrounded by his friends that threw him perhaps the biggest birthday party in the history of your university campus, you get a little emotional for him. Maybe Renjun was right with you being too sweet for this worldâ in this moment, though, you think youâre too soft instead.
After a while, the men get tired of holding up his weight and the boy slowly comes down from the high, the hollering getting more quiet as it turns into the birthday song, making you join in with the singing. The thought of being an outcast, just a random person in the crowd slowly seeps away when you feel included in the moment, worry leaving you as you watch Donghyuckâ the biggest hype man of his friends, or so it seemsâ shake the birthday boy vigorously by his shoulders before he lets go and plants a sloppy kiss to his cheek, which leads to the two of them chasing each other around the crowded place.
Watching the whole scene unfold right in front of your eyes, you find yourself gazing at Renjun from the corner of your eye, the bright grin on his face making your heart squeeze in a weird way. He seems so happy in this moment, dragging you from room to room excitedly as if he was a regular in this place, the joy of celebrating his friend making his flushed face glow in a healthy way. You got used to seeing his face clouded in a shadow; the worried crease in between his eyebrows and the darkness under his eyes regular visitors in his expression, so to see him seep in the ugly orange lights of the luxurious house tugs at your heartstrings in a way you choose to not recognize or name.Â
âY/N!â you hear your name screamed from somewhere in the room, making you tear your eyes away from the man standing by your side. Looking at the source of the yell, you find Lee Donghyuck striding towards you with his long legs, the action almost threatening, yet, his face beams in an excited aura.
âHyuck!â
âYou came!â he yells back in the same energy as last time, although his body is now only a few steps away from you, making you giggle. You recognise his outfit to be one of the multiple he showed you back at their apartment before he started acting all silly, the memory making you laugh in fondness.
âI did!â you nod, âI got invited,â you say, voice almost sounding proud of the achievement.Â
âYeah, I know,â he says as his eyes drift from you to Renjun, his eyebrows wiggling suggestively before he earns himself a punch to the shoulder from his roommate, a sharp, over-exaggerated scowl escaping his lips at the motion. âCome meet Jisung!â he quickly switches up the topic, dragging you along with himself like a rag doll in an instance. He must be drunk; you think.Â
You wonder why you keep being dragged around the houseâ maybe itâs a sign that youâre too weak and should probably start working out more so you can stand your ground. Nonetheless, you follow the man as you look around, as if to apologize to Renjun for leaving him, when you see the blonde following you to the small group in the corner of the living room, recognising them to be the ones holding up Jisung just a few minutes prior.Â
âJisung! This is Y/N!â Donghyuck utters out as soon as you get to the small gathering, all eyes suddenly glued to you. You wouldnât say it made you feel comfortable or even invitedâ quite the opposite, to be honestâ but the man that was addressed cutely turns to you, a shy smile plastered on his face when he greets you.
âAh! Hello!â
You doubt Park Jisung even knows who you are. You doubt any of these people doâ with how theyâre looking at you in examination, but you still bite through it as you force a smile on your face. âHappy birthday,â you say to him, earning yourself a bright smile from the recipient.
âThanks!â he beams. âYouâre Renjun hyungâs friend, right?â he asks in response, almost making you choke on your spit in surprise at the fact that the boy knows who you are, which leads you to believe that you were talked about in this circle before.
âSort of,â you nod, forcing out a giggle.
âSort of?â the annoyed voice of Huang Renjun himself fills your ears from your right, making you jump up at the proximity of him that you werenât aware of before, the mock offense on his face making you giggle when you think of the remorse he treated you with when you first met. He looked like he never wanted to speak to you in his life, and now heâs acting offended at you not fully calling him your friend? Yes, you did that to spite himâ because if you werenât friends, you truly donât know what you were even doing here in the first placeâ but you still think the whole thing is a little ironic. âYouâre at our house at least once a week and weâre not friends in your eyes?âÂ
âWell, thatâs only because I have to,â you argue, when the man only shakes his head at you in disbelief.
âOkay, youâre not allowed to eat our snacks when you come over anymore,â he says, shrugging in nonchalance. Laughing, you find yourself looking over the group youâre standing with, the discomfort slowly fading away when you engage in conversation with Renjun. You catch a few names you canât really place to their respective facesâ mainly because Jisung was the only one formally introduced to youâ when you notice a girl staring at you in examination, her figure not noticed by you before.Â
The longer you stare at her, the longer you start to recognise her, and before you let panic overtake youâ in all honesty, you donât even know why youâd panic at this factâ you realize itâs none other than Huh Yunjin, your friendâs âcheating ex-girlfriendâ looking at you with something resembling spite in her eyes, her jaw clenched and her look glazing from your outfit to your face, as if mentally scoring you on your attractiveness, judging every detail of your body, all while a tall boy hugs her to his sideâ whom you presume is her new boyfriend.
He looks nothing like Renjunâ he is quite the opposite, if you really think about itâ and even though you tear your eyes away from her figure, your brain still screams at you with arguments that you look nothing like her; even though it shouldnât really matter. Youâre not Huang Renjunâs new girlfriendâ not even the object of his desire, or the new girl by his sideâ youâre just his project partner, a classmate heâs grown to calling a friend, but still, you canât help but notice her radiating beauty, the outshining features on her face and the charismatic aura she radiatesâ the polar opposite to everything youâd describe yourself as; and the comfort you felt while talking with Renjunâs friends is suddenly swept under the carpet, long forgotten when you still feel her eyes burning through your skull, her gaze making you like an intruder, someone whoâs not supposed to be here, someone who doesnât belong.Â
And to make things even worse, you suddenly feel Renjunâs hand around your waist, and when your eyes lock with his you swear you see a hint of understatement in them, something that lets you know that heâs aware of his ex girlfriendâs burning stare; his protective side kicking in, yet still making you question the matter even more.
You bet he did it to soothe you. You can even clearly read his intentions in the warm smile he sends you when he squeezes your side, hugging you closer to himself, but the more youâre aware of his burning palm on your flesh, the more uncertain you become, the less engaged in the conversation you get, and the more uncomfortable you feel under the orange lights of the living room.
âWanna go outside? Iâm pretty sure they have a karaoke machine there, if you wanna play,â you feel Renjun whisper into your ear, his warm breath hitting your skin, the hint of vodka in it supporting your earlier claims and that he was at least a little tipsy after all.Â
Nonetheless, you nod and find him leading you outside, not before you turn around to look at Yunjin for one last time, though, seeing clear jealousy shading her expression; making you wonder if you were invited just because she was too, and if you just fulfilled your designated role for the night.
âAre you sure you donât mind?â you ask, looking at your companion as the two of you sit on the stairs outside of the university building, your bags carelessly placed at your feet. Itâs getting quite dark out, the winter days still being insanely short even though itâs the middle of February and spring is slowly approaching the town. The two of you had worked on your assignment in the library before Renjun told you that he has to wait for his friends Jeno and Donghyuck to pick him up, since they are meeting up with their friends from high school, their friend group living out of town requiring the two of them to take a drive there.
âOf course not,â Renjun shakes his head, âI offered to drop you off, so why would I mind?âÂ
âWhat about your friendsââ
âIf they have anything against it, Iâll make sure to choke them, so donât worry about that,â Renjun softly laughs at his own joke, trying to ease you. Still, thereâs something inside of you that makes the atmosphere heavy and thick, having you crack your knuckles as you sit in silence, chewing on your bottom lip from nerves.
âWhatâs up? Youâve been acting weird lately,â Renjun hums, looking at you from his place on your left.Â
You tried hard to mask your hesitance, especially because you think the worries inside of you are stupid, but you canât help but feel a hint of discomfort whenever you think of Jisungâs birthday party. Sure, you had a great timeâ his friends were nice to you, Hyuck even dramatically sang a song at the karaoke with you when Renjun got tired, the two of you taking shots together when you were done. You danced with Renjun after, the music keeping you close, and when you got tired, he walked you home. Everything felt normal between youâ except from the weird closeness and occasional touches he sent your wayâ but you presume that was the effect of alcohol, so you didnât ponder on it that much.
The eyes of his ex girlfriend on you the whole evening is what made you feel a bit itsy about the situation, and even though there was no hint that would further prove your previous claims, you canât help but think about Huh Yunjin from time to time, and thatâs what makes you feel at least a bit awkward about the whole thing.
âNothing, Iâm fine,â you say, trying to play it off.
âCome on,â Renjun sighs, âtell me. Is it something I did?â
Shaking your head, you roll your eyes at his insisting. The shift in dynamic is ironical, to say the leastâ 4 months ago, he wouldnât care about what was making you feel so down, he wouldnât even care about you walking home from university alone in the darkness of the evening hours, but now, the crease between his brows almost makes him look worried about you, and you canât say you hate itâ even though in this moment, youâd rather have him not care at all.
âOkay, so Iâll just play a guessing game, then,â he scoffs, humming, lost in thought. âYouâve been weird since the party. Something happened there?âÂ
âNo,â you disagree, tone of voice almost sounding desperate and harrowing, not really wanting him to keep asking about the reasoning behind your mood.
âOkay, so thatâs a yes. Did someone make you feel uncomfortable? Do I need to beat somebody up? Oh god, was it Hyuck? That fucker said something to you, right? Iâm gonna lock him out of the apartment, I swear to godââ
âIt wasnât Hyuck,â you giggle at his outrage, deciding to save his roommateâs life.
âIt wasnât?â he asks, seemingly genuinely surprised, expecting his devilish roommate to be the reason behind all the bad things in the world. âOkay, so it must have been me, no? What did I do?âÂ
Sighing and shaking your head in disbelief at his insistence, you grunt. âYou didnât do anything wrong, Jun, can you just stop asking?â you say, the nickname rolling of your tongue automatically, without much thinking.Â
Thereâs a moment of silence between the two of you. It does nothing to help you relax or feel better about the situation, but at least you think Renjun finally dropped the topic and wonât ask you about it again. Youâd rather have the ground swallow you whole than to admit whatâs been bugging you, especially when itâs Renjun himself youâre talking to about the matter.
You were, once again, wrong in your assumptions. Renjun did not drop the topicâ no, he just took his sweet time to hit the nail on the head.
âWas it because of Yunjin?âÂ
The question opens a pit in your stomach, the embarrassment creeping out of your body and making you heat up not helping your case. Hands clammy as you shake your head and gesture, trying to prove your disagreement with the question to the best of your abilitiesâ but only making yourself look stupid and like youâre trying too hardâ your words come out weirdly high-pitched, only further proving Renjunâs point.
âNo, itâ itâs not that, Iâ Iââ
Renjun scoffs at you, shaking his head. âItâs okay. Did sheâ did she make you feel uncomfortable? I know sheâs been staring a lot the whole evening, Iâm sorry about thatâŚâ
His words do a little to comfort you. You wouldnât say you were perfectly fine with the fact that he knows that it was his ex girlfriend thatâs been on your mind the past few daysâ because you two arenât dating, and realistically, this shouldnât matter to youâ but his understanding eyes bearing into yours make you calm down a little when you sigh and avert your gaze, chewing on the inside of your cheek before you speak back up again.
âItâs okay,â you hum, âIâ It was expected, I guess?â
Renjun hums, eyes focusing somewhere into the unknown. Picking at the skin on your cuticles, you think the conversation is over and youâve done a good job at playing it off, half of your worries now soothed, but Renjun is a man full of surprises, it seems, when he looks at you again, licking his lips in hesitance.
âBut thatâs not all, is it?â he asks, but he gets no answer from you. It doesnât matterâ your silence is enough of a conformation. âLook, I didnât⌠I didnât invite you to make her jealous, or anything, if thatâs whatâs running through that brain of yours, okay? I didnât even know she would be there.â
Blinking a few times at him, not expecting him to read you so well, you let out the breath you didnât even know youâve been holding, nodding at his reassuring words. âOhâŚâ
âI invited you because I thought youâd have fun⌠and because I kind of wanted you there. And so did Hyuck, actually, he thinks youâre his platonic soulmate, or somethingââ the man rambles, explaining his intentions to you, the frantic words coming out of his mouth making you giggle. Relief washes over his face at that, noticing the ease in the atmosphere, his hand gently squeezing your knee when your laughs get quiet. âEverythingâs good now?â
âYeah,â you nod, âthanks. It was silly, butâ you know,â you shrug, awkwardly grinning to yourself.
âYeah,â he sighs out, looking back in front of him, the moment of silent sincerity between the two of you having him open up to you, âit wasnât like that. me and her⌠it wasnât quite the same for a while, you know? Like, I knew it was over before it really happened, but nonetheless, I didnât expect her to⌠to do what she did to end it.â
You hum, not really knowing what words you could offer him to console him. Not really wanting to ask any more questions, you wait for him to talk by himself, to assure youâre not insensitive or prying too much. Youâll let him tell you how much he wants, and youâll silently thank him for the trust he has in you when holding up his feelings to you on a silver platter, naked and vulnerable for you to see and examine.Â
âItâs like⌠I wanted to end it, but not with her cheating on me. Thatâ that hurt more than the actual break up, I think. And maybe it shouldnât matter, because I wasnât in love with her anymore anyway, but it still⌠left a scar, I think,â he hums, and by the way he plays with his fingers in his lap, you can tell he didnât expect himself to open up to you like thisâ maybe this is the first time heâs even sharing this with anyone, and the urge to protect him and his heart is suddenly stronger than ever before, even though itâs been somewhere there, deep inside of you, all along.
âThatâs valid,â you say, ânobody deserves that to happen to them, no matter how your relationship looked at the time. You were still together, and she shouldnât have done that,â you mumble, hoping to provide comfort to him, but also hoping your words arenât unwelcome at this very moment.
The blonde looks at you, an appreciative smile appearing on his face. âThanks,â he says. Thereâs nothing to thank you for, you think, but perhaps those are the words he needed to hear for a while now. Perhaps your sentences just mended something in him, perhaps you were the voice that finally made him admit that what heâs been feeling about the situation wasnât stupid or irrational.
In a moment of weakness, a selfish masochism, even, you let out a prying sentence slip out of your lipsâ a sentence that could hurt you, have you not been prepared for the outcome. And maybe you were going too far, maybe you shouldâve stayed quiet, but you canât turn back time and the words were already spoken. âDo you ever miss her?âÂ
Renjun thinks for a whileâ a heartbeat of a second that makes you feel like youâre falling into a deep abyssâ before he shakes his head. âNot really. Not her, I donât miss her. I think that sometimes, I just miss what we had, but⌠thatâs long gone.â
Humming indifferently, you accept his response in a quiet solace.Â
You donât know where this conversation brings you, but you bet itâs a step in some direction.
After a while, with Renjunâs head soundly resting on your shoulder when the silence gets too long, yet a comforting aura still shades the two of you sitting at the stairs, thereâs a black Ford Fiesta honking at the parking lot, the two of you jumping to your feet. The boy drags you to the backseat, your bags hitting the floor of the vehicle, as Jeno looks back at you from the front, smiling at you with moon crescents in his eyes.
âHello!â
âHi,â you breathe out.
âIs Y/N tagging along?â Hyuck gasps from the passengerâs seat, turning towards you two, a face of a pleasant surprise written all over his face. You know what, maybe Renjun was right and you and his roommate are platonic soulmates of some sort. Or at least thatâs how Lee Donghyuckâs been acting ever since the day he met you.
âIâm not,â you giggle, shaking your head in disapproval.
âJeno, can you drop Y/N off at her apartment?â Renjun hums, and suddenly, the previous worries leave you as soon as the tall man nods and tells you to navigate him to your place. There was no reason why youâd be rejected by Renjunâs friendsâ for more reasons than one, you just arenât aware of them yet.
The ride to your apartment is filled with laughter. Squinting at your project partner sitting next to you at the back of the car, you notice that heâs glowing brightly in the reflections of the lampposts shining through the windows of the car, a stolen galaxy swirling in his eyes when your eyes meet when you pay your goodbyes to the guys while getting off at your driveway a few minutes later.
And itâs quite funny. You donât even live that far.
â
Clapping when your favorite writer completes the little interactive Q&A at the local library on a Monday afternoonâ all throughout you didnât have any courage to ask any questions yourself, even though you had plentyâ you stand up from your place at one of the little, lanky folding chairs in the back of the room and smooth your hands over the skirt of your dress, getting the creases out. Youâve learned a lot about the author todayâ all from how she started writing, what inspired her to write your most favorite novel, and where she finds her inspiration for writing. You have a lot of information, yet, you still bet you could master more questions, if you were to do an interview with herâ you wouldnât even have to try as hard.Â
Reading is one of your passions, itâs something that brought you to the love you have for writing, and although you didnât stick with fiction for long, finding that the world building and creating plot and characters got boring for you after a while, you found your love for writing shining through when you type articles; making sure your headlines are captivating, that your articles are well-structured and bring something new to the table. Itâs a completely different branchâ some would say a less creative oneâ but itâs undeniable that the love for it started in you when you first started reading books, when you were little, in the quiet and comfort of your room.
Glancing back at Renjun, the boy follows you like a lost puppy (you bet itâs his first time at the library, despite him owning quite a few books himselfâ you noticed so while examining his room one time and found classics in his bookshelf), he offers you a soft smile, nudging you to keep walking. Thereâs a line forming towards the head of the room, where the writer is still sitting, numbers of passionate readers and fans of her work waiting to get their books signed. Thereâs a little stand in the middle of the far right wall, containing numerous books written by the person currently sitting in the same room, breathing the same air as you two, and you donât hesitate to buy the latest one, the one you havenât had the chance to read yet, with the intention of getting it signed.
âWhich oneâs your favorite?â Renjun asks, standing close to you and pointing towards the stacks of books on the stand.
âThat one,â you hum, bringing his attention to the paperback cover at the very corner of the stand, watching as the man takes it into his hands and flips it over, reading through the summary. He looks like one of those Pinterest boards youâd title âDark academiaâ with a series of emojis that fit the âaestheticâ, with his plaid coat layered on top of a knitted, light brown sweater, the blonde fringe slightly falling into his eyes.Â
âIâll get this one, then,â he looks at one of the ladies behind the stand, smiling at her as he gets his wallet out.
âDonât you want the latest one?â
âNah,â he shrugs, smiling at the lady once again when the book is back in his hold, paid for and now in his ownership. His eyes are back at you when he offers you the explanation. âYou said you liked this one, so I wanna try it. And you donât know if the latest one is any good, so at least Iâve heard a good review on this one and donât have to be afraid of buying a shitty book,â he snickers, making you roll your eyes at the tone of his voice, but still, thereâs a little man in your brain screaming at the top of his lungsâ screeching, evenâ at the action, the gears in your brain turning faster and faster as you let yourself indulge and overthink his words. He bought it because itâs your favoriteâ so he saidâ and in a split second of delusion, it doesnât matter to you if it was just because he wanted to be sure the book is good, or if it was just him wanting to read your favorite book as a way of learning more about you.
âAs if any of her books could be bad,â you mumble, moving slowly through the line. Youâre the last ones waiting for the autograph, and while thereâs still a lot of people in front of you, you canât help but feel a little nervous at the promise of an interaction with the author.
âWell, you can never really know. Everyone has bad days.â
Snickering at his argument, you shake your head in disbelief and move a few steps forward again. Youâve taken a few photographs of the library while you were sitting and listening to the talk; a few of the authorâ to capture the nice memoryâ and some of the interior as well, showcasing the numerous shelves filled with books of different genres that the library provides. Still, you take the camera into your hands again, taking a few moreâ you were sure to get permission from the smiley and welcoming librarians when you arrivedâ trying to capture the atmosphere and the heartwarming aura of it all. A little selfishly, for your own memory, you turn to your companion and point the lens towards him, seeing as he poses with the book, acting a little silly when you take the picture, and when he breaks into an amused grin after, you take another oneâ a moment captured in time, his toothy laugh on full display. When you look at the picture again, your heart warms up a little at the image. Maybe you could get it printed out and add it to your memory book alongside the pictures you have from your first university parties and moving into the new apartment with Jiminâ just so you have something to look back to.
Soon enough, you reach the front of the room, your bodies only a few steps away from the author. When the last guests in front of you leave, paying their goodbyes, you take a step forward with a little sigh, trying to encourage yourself and also calm down the erratic beating of your heart, ready to face the idol youâve been looking up to since you were 11. With Renjun on your side, you put on your most picture-worthy smile, clammy hands offering the book to the writer when you reach the long table, choking on your words.
âHello,â you greet, not really knowing what to say. You would be lying if you said you didnât rehearse this in your brain seventy different times ever since you talked with Renjun about going to the library last week, trying to make up the perfect scenario and find the best words to use when you finally meet her, but in this very moment, the whole script flies through the window and youâre left silent and hesitant, heat rising to your cheeks when you canât seem to find the right words to say.
âHello,â you hear Renjun greet shortly after you, bumping into you a little with his hip when he stumbles to the table, seemingly more calm than you, trying to save the day, âmy nameâs Huang Renjun,â he says, and you want to kick him in his shinâ because who even does that? Who tells their full name to a stranger, an author heâs never heard of before actually attending this meet and greet, acting as if he was an old friend of hers, meeting the famous writer after a long time? You almost thought heâd save you from the embarrassment and lead the way, from the way he approached her, but after hearing those words come out of his mouth, you almost go to scold him for his behavior.
To your surprise, though, the writerâs eyes widen in what seems to be realization, nodding to herself. âSo you must be Y/N!â she says, looking back at you, a welcoming smile appearing on her lips.Â
âI- I-â you stutter, suddenly feeling really confused. Is this a dream? Are you asleep? Or is your favorite writer suddenly a psychic too? What are you missing?
âYeah! Sheâs just a little nervous right now,â he grins, taking a short look at you before he turns back to the author, âso⌠I take it as you havenât changed your mind about the interview?â
âNot at all! Iâm actually really happy to hear that students are taking interest in my writing and that they want to interview me,â she says, quickly signing your books on the front pages, offering them back to you, âI usually donât give interviews just to anyoneâ you know, it would get a little too busy if I did thatâ but your passion really caught my attention.It reminds me of myself when I was your age⌠Just give me a few seconds, I have a phone call to make right now, but after Iâm done, Iâm all yours!âÂ
âOf course!â Renjun nods, watching as the author stands up from the table and disappears in one of the back rooms, seemingly to take care of the call. Turning back to you, still finding you dumbfounded from the interaction, he canât help but let out an amused laugh. âAre you okay over there?â
âI- What-â you stutter, shaking your head as if to make your brain reboot, dragging your hand through your hair to get it out of your face, âhow did you even manage to- she doesnât even-â you fail to create coherent sentences, shock and surprise overshadowing your otherwise good choice of vocabulary, confusion spreading over your face like a shadow.
âI have my ways,â he shrugs nonchalantly, as if this was the easiest thing to accomplish, once again breaking into a grin when he sees your stoic face, âmaybe try to smile a little? She might think youâre terrified of her if you keep frowning like that.â
âI am,â you mumble, still not quite comprehending the situation.
Rolling his eyes at you, he snickers. âCome on,â he says, âI bet you have plenty of questions for her up in that brain of yours,â he points to the middle of your forehead, shaking his head at your frozen figure.
âI do, but-â you mumble, catching yourself mid-sentence, âhow did you even-â the words stream out your mouth, a puzzled expression not leaving your face.
âYou can thank me later. Now focus on your job,â he says, turning you by your shoulders and pushing you a little towards the author that has now emerged out of the back room, a welcoming glint in her eye when her eyes land at the two aspiring journalists.
On that Monday afternoon, with sweaty palms and tongue-tied as you stutter out the curious questions, making an interview for your imaginary magazine, you learn that contrary to the popular demand, Huang Renjun is quite full of surprises.Â
The longer you know Renjun, the more you hang out without the purpose of working on your assignment together. Truth be told, you started working on it pretty early into the semester, and while others were now aimlessly pulling all nighters to complete the magazine, you and Renjun were pretty much done with it already by now, since you forced the man to start working on it as soon as it was possible. He didnât say it out loud, but you can tell he was thankful for thatâ it would kill the both of you if you had to focus on the project now, when exam season is slowly, but surely in reach and youâll have to start studying soon.
It was a little awkward at firstâ you still remember the first time you watched Netflix with him in the silence of his apartment, with his mood very apparently below zeroâ starting with the two of you taking breaks in between working on your assignment, talking about the latest episodes of the anime you two have, coincidentally, chosen to watch at the same time; later progressing into full on sessions of gossip with his roommate Donghyuck joining the two of you at the comfortable couch. Youâd say your friendship started a little this way, with you and Renjun running to the convenience store when you ran out of snacks in the middle of your study sessions and the two of you randomly laughing at something in your Journalism class, earning yourself scolding looks from the professor. It was unexpected, but you grew familiar with the antics, flowing through the days together, filling the boring days with texts full of TikTok links and Donghyuck sending you random pictures of your project partner all zoomed in on Snapchat. You even invited Renjun over a few times, Jimin accepting the new man in the comfort of your home when she realized heâs not as bad as he used to be before, as you ate up all of your snacks this time around instead, having impromptu karaoke sessions in your room, trying to quiz each other on the lyrics of your top tracks of the last year on Spotify.Â
Everything felt casual, growing more in tune with the man he was, learning his antics and all about his character. You quickly learned that when heâs feeling down, he gets a little snappyâ a bad habit you made him recognise and try to eliminate, at least when youâre around. You found out that when heâs nervous, he bites his nails, and you choose to slap his palms from the proximity of his lips whenever you catch him in the act. When heâs annoyedâ much like when you prevent him from the action of gnawing at his fingernails until the skin around them bleedsâ he rolls his eyes and sighs, sometimes even shakes his head at you in disapproval. He looks adorable while doing so, but to save both of you the embarrassment, youâd never tell him out loud.
And youâd even dare to say he learns about you too. Heâs an observing individual, and youâd even argue that he cares about you at least a little. For one, heâs not rude towards you anymore, the way he was when you two first started talking, and also, he shows his affection towards you in the most Renjun ways possible. Heâd argue that heâs not good with words, but heâs always there to affirm you with them in his true love language whenever youâre stressed or overwhelmed with responsibilities. He also remembers your favorite drinks and snacks, opting to save them for you whenever you come by his place, and even slipping some into your bag before you leave his apartment. Heâs a caring individual, a big hearted man, delicate in all directions.
You believe itâs impossible not to fall for him at least a little. Not when you really know himâ the way you do, from up close, in his most joyful moments and the ones where he tries to battle you away when the ghosts in his brain try to make him shelter himself away from everyone too.
But you wouldnât tell him that. Never in a thousand years.
âI hate all this fucking snow,â you tell him instead, when you walk by his side with your groceries in hand, the tips of your fingers brittled from the cold. âWhy is it even snowing in the first place, itâs the end of February, for fuckâs sake!âÂ
The two of you decided to go for a grocery run together, and while some would say itâs not a fun activity to do, you think you like experiencing mundane things with your close ones the most. If you enjoy someoneâs company, you truly do not care what you do togetherâ you always go pick up packages from the post with Jimin, or drive your little sibling to the store when youâre back home, even though the action itself doesnât provide you any conventionally âfunâ experiences, most of these are a fond memory in your brain, because you got to spend time with someone you love. Itâs the same right nowâ even though itâs snowing heavily and you canât feel your feet from the coldâ you went to buy groceries with Renjun when he texted you about it, realizing you could buy some things you ran out of as well, opting to walk there together.
âI thought you liked winter?â he snickers, seeing your grumpy expression.Â
âWhy would you think that?â
âBecause you said you hated summer,â he says, matter of factly, making you giggle to mask the warmth spreading on your insides from the knowledge that he remembers the random fact you once told him when you were working on your project together.
âYeah, but that doesnât mean I like winter either,â you say, shrugging.
âDo you even like anything?â
âNo,â you shake your head, totally serious before you burst into laughter, âkidding. I like spring,â you smile at him, eloquently, shuffling your legs along the snowed-in ground, moving closer to the campus, near to where you both live.
âI like spring too, actually.â
âBecause your birthdayâs in spring?â you snicker, teasing him.
âMaybe,â he admits, laughing with you. âNo, but I think springâs neat for a number of reasons. It always feels⌠like a new beginning, perhaps? After months of silence, you can finally hear the chirping of birds in the morning, and the sun sets later too, so the days feel longerâŚâ he says, and you find yourself observing him, admiring the love he has for the season.
âExactly,â you nod, pointing your gaze towards the ground when you notice that he caught you staring, embarrassment creeping up your back before you shudder from the cold, heavy snowflakes falling on top of your head, drenching your freshly washed locks and making your cheeks burn with cold. You canât remember the last time it snowed so hardâ you were in for a couple of warm winters for the last couple of yearsâ and as much as you hate to admit it because of your noticeable aversion towards winter, you must say it looks quite magical.
âLook, I know you hate winter, but you do have windows in your flat, right?â he jokes, making you roll your eyes at the nagging you know youâre about to hear. âMaybe look out of them before you go out, so you could dress for the weather the next time.â
âVery funny,â you snicker, âIâll let you know, it wasnât snowing when I was getting ready.â
âOkay then, maybe start using the weather app. Itâs great if you want to know how cold it really is outside, and youâre quite good with technology, so maybe you could-â
âOh, fuck off,â you snap, but feel yourself grinning at the teasing.
The man lets out a sighâ a habit of frustration he does a lot whenever youâre aroundâ before you feel him tugging something onto the top of your head, your ears suddenly shielded by soft fabric. Looking up at your companion in shock, you notice that the beanie that had been sitting on his head until now is covering yours instead; and although you appreciate the gesture with a giddy clench on your insides, you find yourself protesting.
âJun! Youâll get cold,â you pout.
âOkay, but so will you, and as far as Iâm concerned, I have more layers on than you right now, so you need it more than me,â he shrugs, all nonchalant, making you hesitantly smile at him and shut up, keeping the warm wool over your head.Â
Next time, youâll look at the weather app to save your heart some trouble.Â
Or maybe you wonât.
Walking closer to your apartment complex, naturally accepting the fact that Renjun decided to walk you homeâ or just hasnât realized heâs doing so yetâ you fall into comfortable conversation, mostly consisting of you complaining and Renjun finding your tangent amusing.
âMy groceries will get all wet! Fucking hell, RenjunâŚâ
âI didnât force you to come,â he laughs.
âWell, but you have the weather app, as opposed to me, so maybe you couldâve predicted the fact that it was going to snow soon,â you pout, shaking your head in disbelief.Â
âAnd if I did?âÂ
âThen whyâd you drag me out?â you huff, nearing the steps that lead up towards the front door of your building, being careful not to slip on them as you stand on the first one, towering above the man that takes his position opposite of you while you say your goodbyes.Â
âOkay, next time get your groceries alone, if youâre just gonna complain the whole way,â he giggles at your fake offendance, looking up at you from under his eyelashes. Snowflakes settle on the tops of his cheekbones, the rosy tint in his face taking your breath away, something in his eyes captivating you and hypnotizing you into doing things you wouldâve never dared to do as you reach out towards his hair, now wet from the snow that manages to melt away on his body, brushing your hand through the locks.
âItâs gotten so long,â you muse, âthe blondeâs all grown out now.â
He hums, the eye contact making you heat up despite the coldness thatâs been trying to seep into your bones. âMaybe I should dye it back to black, then.â
Grinning, you shrug as your hand escapes his scalp. âYeah,â you nod, âmaybe you should.â
âItâs a plan, then,â he says before he grins, poking you in your forehead with his pointer finger as he takes a step back from you, heading towards the direction of his apartment. âIâll text you,â he adds.
Paying your goodbyes to him, you stumble inside and reach your flat, your whole body on fire even though youâve been freezing until now as you take off your wet shoes and tug the borrowed beanie from your head. Putting away the groceries, you wonder if thereâs a significance in his decision, if the change of hair is the same as the reason why he loves spring; if new things are beginning, or if youâve just tricked yourself into falling for him too hard.
âYou have to mix it together with this first!â Renjun whines, sitting at the edge of the bathtub as he watches you open the box dye you bought together at the drugstore a few hours ago, pointing his finger at the white pack containing the mixing solution.
âOh,â you mumble, clammy hands flying around and trying to read the instructions instead, too worried to mess up again and accidentally burn Renjunâs hair off. After a few moments of you silently turning the big sheet of paper around in all directions, you hear your companion snicker under his breath, standing up from his position at the edge of the bathtub and mixing the dye with the solution in a little plastic container he got from under the sink himself instead.
âLet me do it,â he shakes his head, âdidnât know you were this useless.â
âIf you didnât want me here, you couldâve just said so,â you put the instruction paper down, crossing your arms on your chest as you take a step back and look at him with an offended pout, watching as he gets everything ready. His hair is sticking all over the place and the shirt he has on is stained with bleachâ you suspect he wore this exact outfit a few months ago when he dyed his hair blondeâ the fabric hanging loosely down his shoulders.Â
âIâm perfectly capable of dying my hair on my own, if you didnât notice,â he says, âme wanting you here is the sheer reason for your presence.â
Heart skipping a beat at the sentence, masking it off with a fakely annoyed sigh, you watch him take a seat back at the edge of the bathtub when heâs done, motioning for you to take matters into your hands and start dying his hair. âDonât fuck it up.â
âIâll do so just to spite you,â you argue back, taking the plastic container with the dye into your hand and standing close to Renjun, parting his hair down the middle as you get the chemical-smelling mixture into his growing locks. Focused on the task at hand, trying really hard not to get the dye all over the place, you almost get lost in the motion of playing with his hair and pay too much attention to each section, your touch gentle not to tug at his hair. It makes you not notice the way youâre suddenly standing in between Renjunâs opened legs, your skin covered by fabrics of sweatpants touching.
His head suddenly moves, making you almost dye his whole forehead black, when he plops a gummy worm into his mouth and regains his previous position.Â
âStop moving or else itâs gonna look bad!â you scowl, frustrated with the fact that he made you lose your focus.
âWant a gummy worm?â he asks, looking up at you with an innocent smile insteadâ as if to make you forget all about his actions from beforeâ and you reward him with an annoyed shake of your head that shows him disapproval which he seemingly chooses to ignore as he reaches into the pack of gummies again and holds one up to your lips, fingertips brushing against the skin of your mouth making you feel heat in your cheeks. You didnât want a gummy worm, but with the proximity of his hand to your face and the starry gaze he offers you when you meet his eyes, you donât hesitate to take the gummy into your mouth and chew on the candy, earning yourself a satisfied smile.
Turning towards his hair again, the last few strands left undyed waiting for your attention, the man suddenly squeezes your thigh, making you wince. âHow is it going up there?â
âGood,â you choke out, suddenly hyper aware of his hand resting on the skin of your leg, as if to hold you in place, his other hand working almost on auto-pilot as he completes the symmetry and grazes your other thigh, his touch on you so gentle you could almost miss it if you didnât pay enough attention.
âIf itâs patchy, Iâm blaming you and not the dye,â he teases, drumming against your leg with his fingers, each little gesture making you less and less focused on his hair and more on the way his eyelashes fan over his cheekbones from above, biting down hard on your lip to keep yourself from making any sound close to frustration or the sound of perhaps losing your mind.Â
âWell then, maybe you shouldnât have bought the cheapest one.â
âIâm staying on budget,â he says, making you snicker.
Forcing yourself to focus back onto his hair, you finally complete your task of dying the manâs hair back to its original color. Taking a step back from him and putting the plastic container onto the sink, you start to miss the feeling of his hand on your skin; his hair slicked back by the dye makes him look oddly amusing, though, so you let a grin slip out at the sight of your companion sitting at the edge of the bathtub like a scolded child, his legs outstretched right in front of him and a pack of gummy worms once again firmly gripped in the palm of his hand.
After cleaning up the mess youâve made on the bathroom sink, with Renjun singing to himself as he put up a timer on his phone for 20 minutes, you find yourself in his kitchen, walking around and finding a pot in which you could cook some ramen for dinner. Itâs getting quite late and itâs rare that you find yourself alone in Renjunâs apartment with him, his roommate finally getting out after the dreaded exam season to celebrate, and you canât help but find the domesticity of sharing his space with himâ although this is not the first timeâ overtake you in a deep feeling of intimacy.
Stirring the noodles around with a fork you found in one of the drawers, listening to the low hums of Renjun singing in the bathroom as he cleans up the skin on his forehead and behind his ears with a wet cotton pad, you wonder how you managed to get used to thisâ how you even managed to find yourself in the presence of Huang Renjun so often, after only hearing about him from gossip around the school halls and hating his presence when you first had to work with him. Itâs ironic, but you donât hate it quite as much as you would think.Â
âYouâre making ramen?â he asks as he finally reaches the kitchen, big eyes full of thankfulness meeting yours when he notices you getting out some plates to transfer the meal into, since youâre close to being done.
Humming in agreement, you see him lean on the kitchen counter from the corner of your eye, a satisfied smile reaching his lips. âI should invite you over more often.â
âIâm here like twice a week, Jun,â you mumble, focused on not spilling the meal all over the place.
âWell, if it means youâll cook all the time, you can even move in, if you want toâ he jokes, making you shake your head in disbelief as you take the plates and move them to the coffee table you are so used to sitting at by now, since the boys donât really have a dining table in their apartment, making them (and sometimes you joining) eat all the meals at the coffee table, sitting on the ground.
âAnd where would I sleep? On the couch? No, thank you,â you shake your head, digging into the noodles and blowing on them to make them cool faster.
âIâll kick Hyuck out, so you can have his room,â he mumbles in between bites, following you.Â
âSo you just want me to be your maid, got it,â you nod.
âThatâs not what I said,â he looks at you with offense, before digging into the noodles again, mumbling under his nose before taking a bite, âalthough you would look nice in a maid dress-â
Kicking him in the leg, seeing as he chokes up on the food from laughing, you shake your head in disbelief at his antics. You think itâs the hair dye getting to his brain, so when his timer goes off in a few minutes after youâre both done with the food, you thank god for bringing you out of your misery.Â
Listening to the sound of the shower as he washes the hair dye off, you take it upon yourself to clean up the dishes. Youâd feel bad for leaving a mess in his kitchen, and you also think itâs a nice thing to do. It only takes a few minutes before heâs out of the bathroom again, hair damply sitting on his forehead, his figure twirling like a ballerinaâ reminding you of the way you did little fashion shows for your father whenever you came home from shopping with your mumâ waiting for what you have to say about his new look, although in true reality, he looks just the same as a few months ago.Â
âDoes it look good?â
âI canât tell âcause itâs wet,â you say, squinting your eyes at the mess on his head, âgo blow dry it.â
âFuck no,â he shakes his head, protesting, âI hate blow drying my hair.â
âWhy? I canât tell if itâs patchy this way,â you say.
âMy hands get tired and I get bored and I just really donât enjoy the experience,â he simply states, and he winsâ whether this was his intention or notâ as you drag him back to the bathroom and get out of him where he keeps the blow dryer, plugging it in and moving to do it for him.Â
There it is againâ that funny feeling in your stomach as you move your hands through his hair, brushing his bangs away from his forehead as you blow dry his locks. The feeling makes you weak in your knees as you look at the boy who now has his eyes closed, seemingly enjoying the motion of your fingers threading through his freshly dyed strands, and when you finally turn the device off and watch him open his eyes, looking at you half-lidded and seemingly a little tired, you once again notice his hands on your thighs as he sits at the bathtub, although now the touch is more firm, pulling you close to him.Â
âAre you happy now that your hair is black?â you find yourself asking, your eyes bearing into him as you reference the dialogue you two had when he dyed his hair blonde, when you two didnât know each other well just yet and he told you the wishful secret of wanting to have more fun as a blonde since he was sad when his hair was black.Â
His smile looks a little drunk, despite the both of you being completely sober as he replies, acting as if he was getting tipsy off your proximity and gentle touch. âMy hairâs black because Iâm happy, not the other way around,â he mumbles, your eyes momentarily drifting to his pretty lips as he talks, their rosy plumpiness making it hard for you to unstuck your gaze from the curve of his smile and focus on other features of his face.
âGood,â you nod, your hands finding their place at his shoulders, almost going for a hug, but never really completing the action.Â
âSo how do I look?â he asks again, your conversation growing quiet in the intimate atmosphere, voices not wanting to interrupt the calm, yet tense harbor.Â
Examining him, you find yourself once again attracted to the boy you see in front of you. He looks exactly like he did before his break-upâ yet now, youâd argue and say he looks even better; healthier and more radiant, his features gentle, hair a little longer and his smile reminding you of an angel. Humming to yourself, you brush your hands through his black strands again, letting yourself indulge in your growing feelings for the man for just a second, before the moment is gone. âReally pretty,â you mumble, watching as his smile grows for a mere second before his eyes drift from yours down to your lips, making you forget how to breathe.
Your hands continue to get lost in his hair as you stare at each other for a while, silence in the bathroom making you listen in on each otherâs breathing, before your brain fails you and you let yourself operate on auto-pilot, leaning down to his face, surprised to see him meet you in the middle. You kiss him as if youâve been waiting ages to do so, your lips molding in with his in a perfect harmony, firm, yet still unmistakably gentle contact making you shiver.Â
It feels like a century before you pull away, ready to face the consequences of your actions, when he captures your lips in another kiss, drunk on the action. Feeling him standing up from the edge of the bathtub and moving his hands to firmly grip your waist before he walks you backwards against the tiled wall, the coldness of it mixing with the heat spreading across your body makes you gasp into the kiss and invite his tongue into your mouth.
Your hands fall from his hair and find their way around his neck, tugging him close, while one of his gentle palms rests on your jaw, angling your face in a way that lets him take control and have you even closer, two bodies seeking each otherâs presence.
âRenjunâŚâ you gasp when his lips move away from yours, leaving kisses down your jaw, slowly reaching the delicate skin of your neck and the conjunction of your shoulder.Â
He hums into your skin, a cold hand sneaking under the hem of your shirt making you wince, all of his actions making your senses hyper aware to the touch and feeling of his lips pressed against you, especially when he finds the sweet spot behind your ear and makes you squirm under him, the feeling of his smile against your skin turning you crazy.
Finding yourself tugging his face back to yours, taking back his lips, his hand travels up your side, leaving goosebumps all over your skin with the cold motions of his fingertips, you shiver under his caring, yet teasing touch. The kiss feels as if itâs one step away from heaven, letting out a satisfied sound when he softly brushes the underside of your breast.
Pressing him closer against you, leaving open-mouthed kisses down his neck, you feel him hard against your thigh, neediness overtaking you as you lightly move against him, hearing him choke out a breath. âIs- is this okay?â he asks, voice not louder than a whisper before you continue with your motions, answering with your actions before using your words, breathing growing quicker with the way the friction makes you feel.
âMore than okay with me,â you mumble, seemingly encouraging him as he presses you firmer against the tiled wall, helping you guide your desperate movements. Foreheads pressed against each other, breathing mixing in the silent room, you canât seem to find it in you to stop, completely losing yourself in him and in the way he makes you feel, selfishly chasing down release from all the butterflies and electric stares heâs been sending your way.
Grunting when you press up against him in a way that sends sparks down his spine, his hand reaches up under your thigh, almost on the skin of your butt, holding up your leg to make more room and get you even closer to him, before he heaves out a sigh. âLetâs go to my room?â he asks hastily before you nod and let him plop you up against his figure with your legs entangled around his middle, escaping the cold tiles of the bathroom and walking over to the his room smelling of fresh laundry detergent and vanilla, soft sheets enveloping your body when he lightly drops you into his mattress.
A giggle escapes your lips at the contact of your body with the bed, earning yourself a playful roll of Renjunâs eyes as he leans over you, plopping himself up on one elbow above you, caging you in his embrace. Maintaining eye contact with him, blissful smiles stretching on your lips, you almost think the moment is over, but he quickly brings you back to the neediness you felt before as he leans in again, kissing you painfully slowly while his hand reaches under the hem of your shirt, letting his palm travel against your body. His actions make you shiver as his fingertips softly tickle your side, moving towards the dip of your waist, then back up across your stomach as he traces mindless shapes against your skin, occasionally letting himself travel up towards the fabric of your bra. Cupping one of your breasts into his hand, you let out a soft grunt when he squeezes the flesh softly enough to make you yearn for more.
Mirroring his actions, your hand moves under his loose shirt, hypnotized by the heat of his flesh. Enveloped in his warmth and the smell of him in his bedsheets, you let yourself roam up his abdomen, embracing the way his muscles jolt a little under your touch, before your hand settles onto his back, fingertips dancing up and down his spine.
âYouâre driving me crazy,â he mumbles, making you break into a blissful smile, before his hand lazily dips down your belly, seeking approval in your eyes, âcan I?âÂ
Nodding, afraid of seeming a little too eagerâ although maybe he would welcome that with open armsâ you feel his fingertips messily dragging down the waistband of your sweatpants a little by little, leaving you in front of him only in your underwear, his lips swallowing your sighs when he hesitantly brushes his thumb against your clit.Â
His movements get more confident as he adds more pressure, making you let out a few more muffled sounds he welcomes with a cocky smile, demeanor shifting as he presses a wet kiss against your cheek when he drags your underwear down and gets back to where he was before, but now acting more gentlyâ as if the contact of your bare core with his fingers made him afraid youâre gonna break in his hold. Softly nudging your thighs, opening up your legs and softly tracing his pointer finger down your slit, he makes your cheeks flush from the contact and the feeling of air against your naked bottom half.
He doesnât say much as he tests the waters, dragging his digits along your folds, examining your reaction when he circles your sensitive bud and sees you crumble under his touch. Your hands grip his pearl white sheets, not really knowing what to do to ground yourself back to reality, the man above you finally finding enough courage in him to insert one finger, then two inside of you, watching you react to his actions.
âFeels good,â escapes your lips, and truthfully, you didnât even catch yourself saying it. It left your mouth on itself, your tone a little fragile but full of eagerness, wanting moreâ and seemingly understanding, he moves inside you with more reason now, hitting the right spot that makes your eyebrows crease and your breathing hitch in your throat.
âThere?â he asks, as if to tease you. In any other circumstance, youâd find it in you to bark back something full of sarcasm and irony, but now, vulnerable and sensitive to his every move, you only nod eagerly and meet his eyes which are now clouded with lust, a view youâve never experienced before, but welcome with undeniable curiosity.
Angling his fingers inside of you just the way you need them, you quickly feel yourself reaching your high, one of your hands flying to his forearm as if to let him know or warn him, somehow. Judging by his actions, he got the memoâ showing his experience when he continues with the same speed and pressure, keeping stillâ before he slowly trips you over the edge, having you clenching around his fingers as you let moans slip out from your lips, euphoria taking over your whole body.
His figure leans into you, holding you close as your breathing comes back to normal, his lips press soft kisses to your temple. Itâs almost a hint that the act is over, his actions growing more tender as opposed to the way he had you just a few moments prior, but you find yourself not wanting it to end, tugging his shirt up and earning yourself a questioning look.
âMore?â you mumble, looking at him, grabby hands helping him take his shirt off. Your please sound almost like a questionâ they may as well be, for you donât know if he wants this tooâ but he reacts to you positively when you have your eyes roaming across his bare torso, hands flying towards your own shirt, taking it off before you chastly press against him, both of you sitting at his bed, meeting him in a kiss as you settle yourself into his lap.Â
In this moment, thereâs nothing but him. Your head spins with his essence, your brain painfully aware of everything; of your hands holding his cheeks when you tug at his bottom lip with your teeth, chasing after his neck in a desperate need of leaving a mark, wanting evidence of you being there the next morning, so you could remind yourself that this wasnât just a dream or a product of your own imagination. When you press down against his lap, dragging your naked core against his hard on, his hands grip your sides, sneaky fingers trailing up after a moment as he tugs the straps of your bra down before slipping it off completely, leaving you naked in front of him.
Lifting you by your hips and moving you back against his pillow, laying you into his sheets, he lets you drag his sweatpants down, your fingers dipping below the waistband of his boxers and gently dragging along the sensitive skin, feeling needier at the sounds of satisfaction escaping his lips. Bringing him closer with your other hand, he takes a moment to confirm with you one last time.Â
âAre you sure you⌠want this?â he doesnât seem to find the right words, leaving you softly laughing at his puzzled expression.
âI am,â you nod, assuring him, âI- I want you,â you mumble, still loud and clear, and he wastes no time in freeing himself of his underwear and aligning himself with your entrance.
He slowly pushes inside of you, his whole length filling you up. He leaves you some time to adjust, checking in with you with a look to your eyes, fingertips gently dragging your hair out of your face before you confirm with him that youâre okay with a soft nod, making him move and gently thrust inside of you; painfully slow at first, but reaching deep, taking in every inch of you. Pleasure builds inside of you as his thrusts become more quicker, finding a rhythm that makes your toes curl and your hands fly to his back, scratching down along his skin when he hits your spot and your eyes shut in a spell of satisfied sighs.
âYouâre so beautiful like this,â he mumbles, pressing a kiss against your lips, a sentence sweet enough to make your cheeks flush under himâ yet you think the heat you feel is more than shyness from his words, but from the contact of his skin on yours, driving you absolutely crazy.
His finger gently plays with your clit, slowly, but surely tipping you over the edge. You hold back a moan, head falling to your side on his pillow, Renjunâs lips pressing kisses into the now exposed areas of your neck, still going at a steady rhythm.Â
âFuck,â you let out when he picks up at speed, the imaginary glass of pleasure in you getting fuller and fuller, making afraid of it spilling out when he keeps going, your hand flying into his hair, tugging at it in a desperate attempt to ground yourself, âIâm close.â
He hums against your neck, softly biting a bruise into your flesh. He doesnât say much, againâ his loving is quiet, only occasionally letting out needy noises out past his lips here and there, grunts slipping out when you feel just right around him. You find it hard to keep up with the silence, blissful sounds escaping you when he takes you over the edge. Your walls clench around him as heâs still thrusting into you, chasing down his climax and making the most out of yours. You swear you can see stars, the tips of your fingers starting to tingle when you get a little too overstimulated, but before you can do anything about it, he slips out of you and warmth spreads on your stomach, his body crashing next to yours.
He doesnât say much after either. The room falls into silence, your bodies heaving with deep breaths as you try to calm down the erratic beating of your hearts. Mindlessly threading your fingers through his hair, you stare at the ceiling, his arms draped over your middle, occasionally playing with the flesh of your hip, squeezing it with his palm and dragging his fingertips across the soft skin. Looking down at him, not seeing much other than the raven locks falling into his forehead and his closed eyes, you try hard to appreciate the closeness of his body, just in case you donât get to experience it ever again.
Feeling his nose nuzzling into your skin, you wonder if heâs happy.
Dark, wallowing pit opens up in your stomach, the harrowing feeling you didnât know you could recognise fills you up to your rim; your vision goes a little blurry at the sight in front of you and after a few seconds of torturing yourself by watching, you feel the bitter taste of blood on your tongue from gnawing at the gentle skin of your bottom lip too hard. That alone wakes you up from the weird transe youâve been put in, making you turn on your heel and chime outside of the building, the iced americano in your hand thrown in the nearest trash can as you take the short way home, suddenly wanting to hide away from everyone and everything, too fragile to deal with the outer world today.
You open up the door to your apartment with a little struggle, your hand shaking not making it easy for you to put the key inside the keyhole, and when you finally get to the comfort of your little place, youâre met with Jiminâs concerned eyes waiting for you in the hall, her figure hesitantly walking over when she heard you struggle with the door.
Closing the door behind you a little too loudly, careless in your actions from how hard your heart is hammering against your ribcage, your roommate approaches you with gentle words. âWhat happened? Werenât you meeting up withââ
âNo,â you shake your head, cutting off her sentence before his name manages to come out of her mouth, your throat closing as you choke out the response; the soft gaze she offers you at the stern words of disapproval makes your eyes water even though you already promised yourself you wouldnât cry over this.
âOh, sweetie,â Jimin mumbles as her long legs make their way towards your shrunken figure, enveloping you in her arms. You let yourself be comforted, almost yearning for the slow strokes she gives your back, her long fingers threading through your hair. There arenât many instances where you two had to hold each other in the entrance hall, too afraid of letting go before one of you breaks. You remember her breaking up with her boyfriend Jaehyunâ they dated for a couple of months last year before he had to move away and a long distance relationship wasnât something either of them was willing to put each other throughâ but that time, it was in the comfort of her bedroom and you watched the first season of Too hot to handle together after it was done to take her mind off things. You, however, donât have much dating experience. Not a significant one anywayâ you only dated in high school, and even though the boy you crowned your first in many things was sweet, you simply fell out of love with him after a few months and called it quits, with no tears shed and no hearts broken.
âI think I was just a rebound,â you get out in between your quiet sobs, the image of Renjun sitting at the cafeteria with Yunjin, his soft gaze offered to her as she leaned over the table and said something quietly to him before pressing a kiss to his cheek only further proving your claims.
And you guess you were the stupid oneâ you guess you were silly for thinking he was over his ex already, even if itâs been a couple of months since they broke up, even if he told you he didnât miss her, but was sad to let go what they hadâ because the sweetness in his eyes when he looked at her hurt you more than you couldâve ever imagined, because you think you remember him looking at you like that the evening you dyed his hair black; you remember him looking at you like you hung up the stars on the sky, and you believed the gentle gazeâ you believed there was something more than sex to it, you believed he felt the same feelings as the ones youâve been harboring for the boy ever since you first hanged out at his place and watched Netflix with him to take his mind off the said girl.
Jimin doesnât ask any questionsâ she knows youâll tell her eventually, you just need comfort right now. Sniffling as you try to come down from the heartbreak youâve caused yourself, you groggily get out a sentence that hurts to say out loud perhaps the most from the feelings freely roaming around your brain. âI donât think it meant anything to himâ Iâ I donât think I meant anything to him.â
As if to torture yourself even more, the images of you two getting closer over the time flash through your brainâ and you wonder if you were just lying to yourself the whole time. If his words werenât what he made them out to be, if his gentle nature that overtook him when you were around was just him treating you as one of his friends. If he hooked up with you only because he was horny, and not because he cared for you enough to want to explore you further, deeperâ if you were the only one in it for something more, if he was just keeping himself busy while trying to get over his ex.
And much like that time at the party, where he held you close and spent the whole night pretty much glued to your side, right in front of everyoneâs eyes, you wonder if you just fulfilled your purpose in his life.Â
âShh,â the girl shushes you out of your self-destructive thoughts, still not getting any context on what happened, but being there for you anyway, âletâs just watch something, okay? We have the whole day off to ourselves, letâs watch this new anime Iâve been eyeing, what do you say?â she mumbles, seeing as you tiredly nod and she affectionately squishes your cheeks together, leading you towards the living room.
If you werenât so numb right now, youâd even giggle. Jimin doesnât watch animeâ the amount of reality TV she watches is quite concerning sometimesâ and her effort to aimlessly search through the internet for the first episode of an anime she randomly saw on Tiktok one day and thought would suit your watching style both amuses you and makes your heart warm just a little. Indulging in TV series is one of the only coping mechanisms either of you can ever come up with, it seems.
When the opening credits roll, you hear your phoneâs notification sound pop up, your hand reaching for the device. You donât even get an opportunity to look at who is texting you before your roommate snatches the phone out of your hand, swipes across the screen and turns it off with one swift motion, forcing you to focus on the animation going on the TV.
Sometimes, all you need is your caring roommate to take over everything. Today, more than ever, youâre more than willing to give yourself into her hands.
After that, you do what you think anyone in your situation would (or wouldnât do, to be precise). You donât text Huang Renjun random things throughout the day like you used toâ you no longer laugh at weird memes he finds funny with him and you no longer read his texts that are full of random complaining, mostly about his roommate Donghyuck, throughout the day. You donât meet him to work on the project together. Itâs almost done and you still have timeâ you are planning on just finishing it by yourself and turning it in on the day itâs due, with no contact with the male. You also donât call him when youâre walking home alone in the late hours of the evening, scared and yearning to find comfort in his saccharine words. You donât even look at his messagesâ he sent you multipleâ only letting yourself to check the contact name before you swipe the notification away without giving it much thought, making yourself ignore all of his calls the moment you hear your ringtone go off. Worst of all, you donât even attend class anymore. Youâre glad for the past you that managed to attend every single class, because now, you have more than enough absences to use up before the semester ends and you go on spring break.
You do everything in your power to erase him out of your life. It takes an admirable amount of self-control, you must admit.
And sometimes, it even feels silly. It feels stupid to react so much to seeing him with his ex girlfriend, because frankly, you two werenât dating. No amount of touches, gentle words, hang-outs after the sun sets and intimacy means that you are a couple; it didnât matter that you opened up to him so much when neither of you confirmed to this being inclusive. The day before you dyed his hair back, you two were just good friends, after all. Sex didnât change anythingâ even though you thought it would.Â
And maybe thatâs whatâs making you feel even more angstier about the whole thing. You gave him every last ounce of yourself you had, every inch of your body, from the inside outâ so now, you feel thrown away, as if you were useless.
The cold nights slowly turn into warmer evenings, birds chirping outside waking you up in the mornings even more reminding you of the man you lost somewhere along the way. Spring was the favorite season of you both, but somewhere deep inside of you, youâre starting to dread it. Maybe itâs the fact that you were yearning for a new beginning for yourself in spring; for something to be born seemingly out of nothingâ but it seems like you are supposed to bloom by yourself now, and youâre finding it harder than ever.Â
Itâs the beginning of the second week of March. Warm sunlight makes your feet spring up from your bed in the early morning, forcing you to take a walk. Youâve gotten used to going on these, as many call it, âmental health walksâ latelyâ you read on the internet that they help your mood, and even though itâs a slow progress, youâre willing to try anything, at this point.Â
You chose a fixed destination you walk to every other day. Itâs on the opposite side of the campusâ where the Science buildings areâ and you would be lying to yourself and everyone if you said you didnât carefully craft the journey so you wouldnât get in contact with the man youâve been trying to avoid for the last two and a half weeks. Itâs far away from your apartment, and even further away from his. Thereâs no reason for him to visit those parts of the campus, and you find comfort in the fact.Â
Finding a bench under a cherry blossom treeâ itâs slowly starting to wilt these daysâ you sit in silence for a while on some days, and on others, you put in your earphones and watch the world around you go by without you moving a single finger, trying to find comfort in the fact.
Listening to the playlist you made in the crack of dawn last nightâ Renjun always made fun of you for the fact that you once listed âmaking Spotify playlistsâ as your hobbyâ you fall deep inside of your thoughts. When this happens, itâs hard to control your mind and think of something positive. The only thing left for you to do is to hope and pray you donât spiral.
Why did it even matter so much to you anyway? It was just a kiss to his cheek. Itâs not like you caught them in the actâŚ
However, still, the image of them looking so comfortable together broke your heart; because somewhere along the way, you thought heâd always feel resentment towards the girl. She broke his trust, she made him feel worthless, and it was left for you to take all those broken pieces of him and glue them back together. You didnât realize it back then, but just the fact that you didnât give up on him back when he was being difficult was enough for the boy to feel at least a little better again. Your nagging, yet silent acts of meeting him somewhere in the middle, even on his worst days, was a source of comfort for him. And after a while, you started noticing thatâ you started noticing him warming up to you every time you met, you started noticing his gratitude towards you in the little acts of service he brought with himself when he bought you snacks or texted you if you came home safely after your meetings.Â
You guess that seeing Yunjin talking so freely with him, seeing her kiss his cheek with such tenderness, made you feel so deeply, easily replaceable in his life. You guess you always feel like that with everyone anyway. Itâs a bad habit you find hard to breakâ maybe you too, just need someone to be patient with you while you heal.
âWhat are you listening to?â you hear a voice, tone close to honey, ask from the place next to you. It makes you jump in terror, both from recognising it so easily and from not expecting him to find you here, so far away from everything, as you look at him with surprised eyes.
You donât know what it is that keeps you silent. Perhaps itâs surprise. Perhaps itâs pettiness. Perhaps itâs shame.Â
The feeling makes you stiff in silence, everything in you refusing to respond to his sudden casualty. âOkay, Iâll just stalk your listening activity on Spotify when I come home again, then,â he shrugs, his uninhibited demeanor making you boil inside. You feel like your insides are on fire, you feel like the whole world came crashing down on you because of mere seconds of seeing him with someone that he once held so dear to his heart, making you feel replaced and forgotten, and yet, he comes to you so easily and doesnât even acknowledge your hurt?
âWhat are you doing here?â you ask, voice soulless as you turn your music off and put your tangled earphones into your jacket pocket, finally choosing to recognise his presence.Â
âTalking to you,â he shrugs, âI⌠brought you coffee,â he smiles, showing you the Starbucks take-out cardboard holding two drinks together, one iced americano and one caramel latte, the sight making your heart warm up quite dangerously at the thought that after all this time, he got your coffee order down, he noticed you sweetening your drinks, and he remembered.
Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you scoff. âHow did you know Iâd be here?â
The man shrugs. âI didnât, at first. I⌠I came to your apartment to talk to you, but Jimin said you werenât home, so after a few minutes of begging her to tell me where I could find you, she gave up and sent me here.â
You guess youâll have to have a serious talk with your roommate when you come home.
âWhy⌠why are you here, then?â you ask, still feeling the bitter pettines on your tongue when the words escape your mouth.
âWell,â he starts, taking a deep breath in, collecting his thoughts, âat first I thought Iâd give you space. I thought you didnât want to talk with anyone and you kept ignoring my texts and calls, so I texted Jimin to ask if you were okay, and when she told me you were doing fine, I figured it had to do something with me. And thenâ and then I thought Iâd give you some space, since you looked like you needed some, but⌠but I think I need to face the problem now, since itâs clearly⌠something big, you knowâŚâÂ
Itâs undeniable that Huang Renjun is quite the smart individual. His ability to instantly sense your emotions and decipher the meaning behind them never fails to catch you off guard, though.
Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you suddenly notice the nerves he tried to mask by fake casualty. He keeps chewing on his bottom lip and heâs picking at his cuticles so hard you think theyâll bleed at any minute, his frame small and hesitant as he turns away from you, afraid to meet your eyes. He looks so, so guilty, and you suddenly feel stupid for making such a big deal out of something that shouldnât have mattered to you in the first place.
âWhat⌠What did I do to hurt you?â he asks, voice barely louder than a whisper. âBecause you must be hurt, if youâre avoiding me this much.â
Taking a deep breath in, you shake your head at the whole situation. Heâs right, thoughâ perhaps itâs time to finally face your problems now, so you can move on. Maybe this closure is what you need, maybe you need to hear it from himâ to hear that it didnât mean anything to him, to hear that Yunjin apologized and heâs gonna get back together with her, because somehow, your brain convinced you this was the caseâ to finally let him go and stop mourning something that was never there in the first place. âIââÂ
Your words fail you.
âDo you⌠regret it?â he asks, voice so small you almost donât hear him.Â
The sentence takes you off guard. Looking at him, you canât even bring yourself to speak, confused eyes roaming over his tense features. Opening up your mouth to ask for clarification, he mumbles again before you get a chance to speak. âDo you regret sleeping with me?â
Blinking at him a few times, a crease appearing in between your eyebrows, you shake your head. Is this really what was running through his brain? Is this why he left you alone for more than two weeks? Because suddenly, it makes senseâ the way he gave you space and let you avoid him for two weeks before he came to find you in personâ but again, this is not at all what was running through your brain all these days. Never once did you regret what you two did, no matter how shitty youâre feeling about it now after your brain convinced you of things that werenât even real in the first place. âNo,â you simply say.
A hint of relief washes over his face, his shoulders relaxing just the tiniest bitâ it looks like this was what heâs been scared of the most; it looks like he feared he hurt you in this way. Still, he insists on talking it out once and for all. âWhat is it, then?â
Shameful to meet his eyes, you point your gaze towards your feet. Convincing yourself that your feelings are valid and that you were right to feel the way you do, the same way you did to him all those weeks ago at the stairs in front of the university building, you confess to your worries. âI saw you with Yunjin the other day.â
Now itâs his time to stay silent, and somehow, your brain canât find a way to deal with not getting a response from him, so you ramble to cope. âAt the cafeteria, I mean. Iâ I wanted to surprise you, and you said you were getting lunch alone and I was at the campus, so I thought Iâd come to keep you company, but then⌠then I saw you with her, and you two seemed so comfortable together, so close, and then she kissed your cheek and it made me⌠it made me feel like⌠like you maybe wanted to get back together with her, or somethingâŚ?â
âAnd really, itâs fine, if you want to do that, I guess I just⌠for the sake of both of us, or maybe just me, I think⌠I think itâs better for me to keep my distance from you, then.â
Watching as his expression shifts to one full of disbelief, you swear that what you want the most in this moment is to disappear. âIs this why youâve been avoiding me those past two weeks?â he asks.
Pressing your lips into a thin line, suddenly feeling insanely silly and unreasonable when you say all of those things out loud, you avert your gaze from him, pointing it somewhere into the distance.Â
âIs this really it?â he asks again, insisting, full of disbelief. âYou made me feel like you regretted having sex with me, and this is it?â he chuckles, and you donât know if itâs because heâs looking down on you, or if he just truly finds the situation funny.Â
âLook, IââÂ
âFuck, Y/N,â he gets out, looking as if every nerve and stress in his body finally let go, relief washing over his face like waterfalls, âI was so scared, and this is whatâs been bugging you?â he asks, shaking his head in disbelief as he runs his hands through his hair. âShe came to apologize to me. Not that it mattered something to me, and not that it made any difference, but I didnât have it in me to tell her to fuck herself, you know? Thatâs what you saw. She told me she wishes me well and that she hopes I find joy in someone else too. She didnât evenâ she didnât even sit with me at lunch. She went to eat with her boyfriend.â
And here it isâ the inevitable notion of shame intensifies. Finally having the explanation youâve been wanting to hear, but purposefully avoiding for two weeks; finally feeling relief in your chest, your worries escaping out like the summer wind, and even though you should be happy, you canât even bring yourself to meet his gaze.
âIâm sorry,â you mumble.
âNo, I meanâ itâs just⌠Iâm sorry too, itâs justâŚâ he trails off, making you look at him with examining eyes, eyebrows raised in question. You donât really know what heâs apologizing for. Maybe for leaving you space even though he was convinced thatâs what you neededâ had he approached you earlier, you wouldnât have to avoid him for two weeks.
âItâs justâŚ?â
âI find it ironic how you thought I wanted to get back together with her, when in reality⌠you were the one I wanted to get together with in the first place, you know?â he asks, and if you squint hard enough, you could still see hints of nervousness in his body when he asks the rhetorical question, soft eyes scanning your face when your eyes meet.
âOh,â you hum, mouth agape in surprise.
âYeah,â he nods, lips pressed into a thin line, âcause I like you⌠like, a lot, actually, soâŚâ he mumbles, the confession reminding you of your first weeks with Renjunâ tense and awkward, but with a promise of something new the more you got to know him.
âOh,â you repeat again, your brain still not catching up to the situation.
Suddenly, the two weeks of avoidance feel even more silly. You donât know what happened in you to cause this much distress for the both of you, but youâre filled with delight with the fact that even though you expected him to get mad at youâ to call you unreasonable, maybe even a little stupidâ he seems to be understanding of your emotions. He seems to accept them, willing to put up with them and everything that requires of him; he seems to be willing to find you even at the end of the world and try to get you back into his life. Because only god knows how much he appreciates your presence in it.Â
âSoâŚâ he mumbles, a silent question hanging in the air, making you realize you were too caught up in your thoughts to really give him an answer.
âI⌠I like you too, if that⌠wasnât obvious,â you snicker, shrugging as a wide smile spreads across your cheeks. The words fall a little bashfully off your tongue, the confession ringing strangely in your ears, but you donât mind the little uncomfort the shyness in your demeanor brings you.
There are no long confessions, no deep words of love. Once again, Huang Renjun is a man of few wordsâ he shows you his care through actions.Â
He finds you when youâre avoiding him. He makes sure you get home safe. He tries hard to work with you on a project he originally wanted to avoid, only because he notices you finding interest in it, your passion slowly sparking up his.Â
He keeps annoying the publicist of your favorite author for a week straight to let you make an interview with her, even though he got declined twice over an email with messages filled with bitter and annoyed words. He remembers your coffee order and he invites you to hang out with his friends to show you that you are now a part of his circle, that you are one of his close ones. He lets you make fun of him with your roommate, but doesnât give you the same treatment he gives Donghyuck when he tries to bully him. He sends you all the cat pictures he gets from his friend Taeyong, sometimes even asking for some when he hasnât sent you ones in too long, and he also thinks of you any time he sees the snowâ because he gets reminded of the walk you two had in the midst of the snowflakes, even though you hate the cold.Â
He reads your favorite book and finds pieces of you scattered all across the pages, he feels his love for you in the poetic words and metaphors hidden in the plot. He lets you dye his hair to signify that a part of his life is now over and a new one startedâ with you being the main actor of the subtle metamorphosis as he slowly shifts back into his old self, yet now a little wiser.Â
He is a man of few words, affection coating them only sometimes, when he reassures you over a mug of hot tea in the evenings before you present your assignments in class and when you get too scared of crowded places; but somehow, the words he keeps to himself translate to you despite not being spoken.
In the beams of the warm sun, you gravitate to him like youâre two planets in the solar system, always sharing the same space. And when his smile meets yours in another kiss, you think that after all, you get the kind of new beginning you wanted in spring.
You and Huang Renjun may be the prime example that love, just like cherry blossoms, always blooms in patience.Â
⥠Fluff || ŕ¨ŕ§ Angst || â Smut || ę SMAU || â Series || âż Drabble || ⤠Mature (No smut) || âš Humor
âââââââââ â Tomorrow tonight ŕ¨ŕ§â¤âĄ -> @cheolbooluvr
âââââââââ â Push it down (Sooner or later it all comes out) âĄâ ââš -> @dontflailmenow
summary: thirsting over your exâs best friend in general is a bad idea. given that you and seungcheol have never gotten along, itâs even worse. when you accidentally stumble across his stream, though, and he finds out? all bets are off.
âââââââââ â After Class â â-> @rubyreduji Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4
summary: Professor Choi makes sure to always take care of your needs after class.
âââââââââ â Down bad (so so bad) âĄâ -> @lovelyhan
summary: itâs not like youâre curious about how the word would taste in your mouth whenever seungcheol calls himself daddy while talking to kkuma. nope. definitely not.Â
âââââââââ â Wedding night âĄâ -> @onlyhuis
Synopsis: seungcheol just wants to treat his wife right on their first night together as husband and wife.
âââââââââ â Bite that lip âĄŕ¨ŕ§â -> @beahae
Summary:Â Seungcheol knows you're really close with his whole friend group. But now that things have... quietly been developing between the two of you, he would love it if you'd cool it with the heavy flirting with the other guys.
âââââââââ â Amortentia âĄŕ¨ŕ§ -> @http-mianhae
DESCRIPTION á° Being head-over-heels for the Gryffindor captain is harder than it seems, especially when everyone knows about your little crush on Seungcheol and he takes it lightly. Until when youâre partnered up and forced to be in each otherâs lives on a daily basis, thatâs when things take a bit of a turn
âââââââââ â BIG COCK: for dummies âĄâ -> @ncteez
summary: the one where you find out that your boyfriend has a huge cock and youâre not entirely sure if you can take all of it.Â
âââââââââ â She's in the rain ŕ¨ŕ§ -> @onlymingyus
âââââââââ â Crossing Boundaries âĄâ -> @wonusite
summary: â Seungcheol has always demanded that all of his employees keep professional boundaries, but it frustrates him that his sonâs nanny is a little too good at keeping things professional. â
âââââââââ â Driving me crazy â -> @1-800-hwahui
âââââââââ â laundry and jiu jitjsu âĄâš -> @cheolism
summary: after seungcheol leaves the laundry unfolded on your bed before going to his jiu jitsu lesons, you decide to take action.
âââââââââ â Terrifyingly innocent âĄŕ¨ŕ§â -> @twogyuu
Synopsis: Fearful of losing her, yet unwilling to leave; this agreement between Seungcheol and his best friendâs little sister was meant to be casual and temporary, yet he finds himself growing more attached to her day by day.
âââââââââ â inflection point âĄŕ¨ŕ§â -> @lovelyhan
summary: you love yoon jeonghan. no, scratch that. you fucking adore yoon jeonghan; so much that the moment he asks you to be in an exclusive set-up with his current partner, you accept the offer in a heartbeat. what you fail to consider, however, is who your bossâ boyfriend actually is.
âââââââââ â Hello tutorial âĄâ¤âš -> @97-liners
itâs your final year of college, and youâve been elected president of your sorority. this is all great and fine, but as the semester goes on, you find yourself having repeated run-ins with the president of the fraternity next door in a series of unfortunate coincidences (that might not actually be coincidences, as you come to discover).
or
in which youâre trying to deal with your crush on seungcheol in a normal way, but the meddling kids are making it harder than it needs to be.
âââââââââ â Found you ŕ¨ŕ§âĄ -> @thedensworld
âââââââââ â In the eye of the beholder ŕ¨ŕ§âĄâ -> @cheolism
summary: when you don't like how you look in the mirror, your boyfriend decides to take it upon himself to worship you.
âââââââââ â Frozen cold proposal ⥠-> @cheolism
summary: seungcheol is stubborn and decides to try and make soup over the fire. you stumble upon a surprise in his pockets when trying to huddle against him for warmth.
[ More Scoups fic recs will be updated ]
Want more Seventeen fic recs? -> Click here
at age fifteen, youâre betrothed to a prince named jeonghan. at age twenty-five, youâre set to marry him. so, when your father gives you a chance to find love all on your own, you immediately take it. now if only jeonghan would stop fucking sabotaging every relationship youâre trying to get into.
â FEATURING;Â jeonghan x reader
â Â WORD COUNT;Â 1k words
â Â TAGS;Â princess!reader, enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, emotional romantic and sexual tension all in one lmao, angst, smut (in the future scenes, this teaser is sfw!)
â Â NOTES; so my blog won't die in my absence nd slight inactivity from writing, i decided to leave you guys a snippet of the third n last part of my royalty series <3 as always, content in my teasers are not final and can be subject to change so heads up on that!
this is part of the itâs complicated series.
Itâs several hours past midnight when you hear three gentle but firm knocks on the door to your bedchambers.Â
Annoyed, you stare at the collection of unopened gifts stacked high on your vanity. From delicacies from the neighboring kingdoms to the most expensive collection of cosmetics in Ancarra, your guests certainly knew how to curry your favor. But not even their lavish presents can dispel the pure vexation thatâs been making your blood boil the entire evening.Â
Not bothering to answer the door, you whisk yourself into the plush seat tucked underneath the dresser. Thereâs only one halfwit currently residing in the castle brave enough to disturb you in the dead of night, and with how terribly tonightâs festivities went, youâre in no mood to extend your hospitality to anyoneâmuch less Seraphiaâs exasperating, insufferable, schemingâ
âIsnât it a little too late to be testing out swatches, Your Grace?â
You try to ignore him. The way his silken dress shirt dangles half untucked from his trousers. The self-satisfied look on his face when he notices you fumbling with the cherry red rouge youâre applying to your lips.Â
But try as you may, you cannot ignore Jeonghan when he reaches a hand in front of you, nimble fingers wiping off the excess color that you accidentally tinted just a few millimeters from your lip line.Â
Not when his smoldering stare holds yours captive in the image reflected in your gilded mirror. Not when you canât even find it in yourself to resist when he gently grabs your chin and forces your gaze to marvel at the man himself.
âSulking again, Princess?â Jeonghan sneers and you want to hate him for it, but you canât. âI saved you from a man charged with treason three times in a single decade. Why are you pouting at me like I took away the love of your life?â
âBecause youâve made it your lifeâs purpose to make mine miserable,â you snarl, putting as much venom into the words as you can. âMinghao isnât a traitor. If he was, he wouldnât be sitting on top of the RènxĂŹng empire. He wouldnât even be daring enough to show his face here for the sole purpose of courting me.â
He sighs as if meaning to be sympathetic, but youâve long seen past the ruse. âPoor little thing, still being played like a fool all because you abhor the idea of one day becoming my wife. Tell me, didnât you find it odd, how persistent he was in pursuing a woman whoâs already spoken for?â
âI am not spoken for,â you interject, trying not to crumble from how his thumb lightly dabs at your lower lip. âNot by you. Not by anyone. Father gave me a choiceââ
âYes, of course. Everyone knows the story of the Ancarran Princess whoâs chained to a troublesome foreigner. So troublesome that she had to beg on her knees just to get the king to reconsider,â Jeonghan coos, face inching ever-so close to yours. Â
âBut as it turns out, all the other men youâre trying your damnedest to replace me with are even worse fiends than I.âÂ
Your lungs burn as if theyâve been set aflame and Jeonghan is merely adding more fuel to the blaze. âYouâre despicable.â
âAnd you, Your Grace, are much too gullible,â he chuckles, each breath fanning hotly against your skin. âIâd say just give it up and surrender, but youâve been fighting against me since we were children. Putting an end to our very interesting relationship in such a boring way wouldnât make good for the history books, no?â
All of a sudden, you remember something that Soonyoung told you in passing. How Jeonghan is someone who cherishes his loved ones deeper than one would otherwise expect. He loves his homeland. He loves his family. Above all, he loves his people.
With how he keeps reeling you back from all your attempts to escape your engagement, any other person would assume that he loves you just as much.
But how are you supposed to believe that someone like him is capable of love when all he does is thrive off your misery?
âThis new rouge youâre testing out,â he murmurs, as if itâs remotely acceptable to just shift the conversation after what he just told you. âItâs the kind that takes days to remove once it dries, no?â
âIn what way does it concern you?â you grit.Â
The despicable prince simply hums. âOh, nothing. Itâs just that Iâm quite curious about its actual longevity.âÂ
You can practically hear your heart stutter to a stop when he closes the distance even moreâonly a hairâs breadth separating your mouth from his. Youâre clueless as to how it happened, but you suddenly find your fingers coiled around the front of his shirt. Looking for purchase. For solid ground.
But you should know better than to anchor yourself to someone as unpredictable as Jeonghan.
âIf someone were to ruin it in the next ten seconds, would you even be more furious than you are now?â he whispers and you can feel the ghost of a smirk against your lips. âOr would it garner the opposite effect? Would you finally melt into their arms? Would you let them tear all your defenses asunder?â
Your pulse is roaring in your ears and all of a sudden, you canât remember how to breathe. His intense stare is pinning you in place no matter how badly you want to escape. The scent of expensive champagne lingers on his lips and you find yourself craving for a taste.Â
But you canât. You canât want that. You canât want him.Â
This is the man whoâs made your life a living hell for as long as you can remember. The man youâll be cursed to sit beside in a throne room forever if you donât do anything about it fast.Â
You know these facts perfectly well, and yetâŚ
Your eyes flutter closed as you hook your wrists across the back of his neck, letting your arch-nemesis fall deep into you.
this is part of the itâs complicated series.
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Pangaea was wasted on the dinosaurs. Imagine the railway network.
pairing; lee seokmin (dk) x f reader (best friend!seungcheol)
genre; fluff, angst, smut (minors dni)
warnings; eating/drinking, dogs (reader is not allergic to dogs), reader is smaller than seokmin, feelings of self deprecation/not feeling good enough, talk about loneliness, smut warnings -- heaving pettings, grinding, fingering/teasing, dirty talk, cumming in pants
w/c; 7.6k and some change
bout you master list
a/n; thank you to @playmetheclassics @wonwussy @onlyseokmins @junkissed-replies for beta reading this -- i have decided to release this one in parts
before continuing remember reblogs are incredibly important and please read how to support me here
âDo you think there is something wrong with me?âÂ
Seungcheol had just put a Twizzler in his mouth when you spoke, flopping yourself down on your sofa dramatically. Your head now resting against the arm of the chair, Seungcheol watches you as he chews on the cherry candy, raising a brow before shaking his head.Â
âIn what way? Like in the way you are being annoyingly dramatic and cryptic right now, orâŚ?âÂ
Shooting a dirty look at your best friend, you reach over to swipe one of his Twizzlers as you speak. âAs in why I am still single, but maybe those are the reasons.âÂ
For all your faults, Seungcheol couldnât help but smile at your words, shaking his head as he watched you gnaw almost sadly on the candy between your lips. Sighing softly, he moves from the chair across from you to smack at your arm so you will sit up, letting him sit with you. Patting his lap, Seungcheol lets you rest your head back down on his legs as he leans his head back and to the side on the back of the sofa so he can look down at you while he speaks softly.Â
âYou are single because you choose to be. Maybe not consciously, but you work too fucking hard and too much. You donât make yourself available to many people, so how are they supposed to know how amazing you are?âÂ
Scoffing, you bite off a piece of the Twizzler in your hand, almost angrily, at Seungcheolâs words before pouting at him. You knew he was right about most of what he had said. You werenât so sure about âhow amazingâ you were, but it was kind of him to say.Â
âYou are literally contractually obligated to be nice to me as my best friend, Choi Seungcheol. You have to say all these things to make me feel better about myself, and as grateful as I am, it doesnât help my situation. If Iâm honest, Iâm lonely.âÂ
A sigh falls from your lips once again, Seungcheolâs hand moving over the top of your head as he furrows his brows in thought. He hated that you felt lonely; he knew that you hadnât meant that against him, but it still stung a little bit.Â
Chewing on his lip, Seungcheol watches you for a moment before speaking, âY/N, I know some people. Some good guys... if youâd be interested in meeting some of them? I could maybe, like, set up some blind dates?âÂ
Your brows furrow at Seungcheolâs words. While you didn't mind meeting some of his friends, he had always been protective of you. Before he could even speak with you, he told his friend Mingyu that you were out of his league. What was different about these men?Â
âUh, what? Who are they? You never want me to date any of your friends, Cheol. You treat me like your little sister that they are gonna defile.âÂ
With his nose wrinkling at the idea, Seungcheol sighs, leaning his head back against the sofa. âMaybe Iâm just... listen, alright? You said you were lonely. I want you to be happy, and this is different than meeting some of my dumbass friends at a party. The guys I have in mind are allâokay, let me backtrack; they, for the most part, have good heads on their shoulders. Do you know what Iâm saying? They have jobs, they are smart, and Iâve never seen them mistreat anyone. Like I said, they are good guys. Maybe one of them could be, I donât know... your Mr. Right?âÂ
Mr. Right. That makes your stomach do a flip. Your lips pull up in a smile before you canât help but laugh, causing Seungcheol to do the same. âYou are such an idiot. I donât know if I believe in Mr. Right, but IâŚfuck it. Fine, you said guys, plural, so how many are we talking about, and do I at least get to know the names of the guys you are thinking of?âÂ
Seungcheol grins a bit at your curiosity, his teeth catching his bottom lip like a cat who caught a canary as he decides how much information to give you. With a small exhale, your best friend purses his lips and shrugs.Â
âThere are five guys I have in mind. That should give you plenty of options. At least one of them has to be less of a fuckup than the others by statistical standards. But as for their names, no. I think we will keep it completely blind. Iâll let you know their name before your date.âÂ
You watch Seungcheol shift a bit, a look of pride washing over his face as he considers his plan and how smart he feels at coming up with it. You canât help but roll your eyes at his internal preening, eliciting a laugh from the man when he notices the look on your face.Â
âItâll be fun, Y/N. You need some fun and some spontaneity. I know you better than anyone. I promise that at least you will have a good evening with a nice guy.â Seungcheol takes a quick pause, letting out a small gruff sound and tilting his head in thought before following his words with, âOr Iâll kill him if he hurts you. Either way, it will be fun.â
Cheollie: Lee Seokmin
Y/N: Who is that? Am I supposed to know him?
Cheollie: Your first date. He wants to take you out on Saturday at 4 p.m. He will pick you up.Â
Y/N: So soon? What sort of date? Is he cute? What is he like? What do I wear? Omg, CheolâŚ
Cheollie: đ Heâs attractive for one of my friends; I wouldnât set you up with an ugly dude. What do you take me for? Dress in something cute but casual. Thatâs all you get. Itâs a blind date, Dingus. Love you.Â
Y/N: I hate you. đ
You had done your best to try to find every Lee Seokmin in your local area, but there were just too many to narrow down which man would be showing up at your doorstep in just a few minutes. So, instead of staring at your phone any longer, you decided to move back to fussing about your hair and outfit.Â
Seungcheol had said casual but cute, but now you were looking into the mirror, wondering if this was too casual. What if Seungcheolâs version of casual was different than Seokminâs? This was the worst idea you had ever agreed to. With your phone in your hand, just as you were about to call Seungcheol to tell him to cancel on Seokmin, you heard the sound of your doorbell.Â
âFuckâŚâÂ
It was too late; one more glance at your phone told you it was 4:05. Seokmin was pretty prompt; you could appreciate that. Shoving your phone into your purse, you swallow hard, forcing your feet to move you toward your front door to pull it open.Â
You werenât sure what you had expected; you had looked at so many social media profiles, including his, but when Lee Seokmin smiled at you from your front door, your chest tightened. His smile was like sunshine, making you instantly feel warmâsomething like a hug, even though he was a few feet away and hadnât yet spoken.Â
âY/N? Iâm SeokminâŚâÂ
Extending his hand, Seokmin bites at the inside of his bottom lip, hoping he wasn't at the wrong door. You were stunning, and he almost hated the idea that you wouldnât be the girl he was going on a date with. You had already taken his breath away. Seungcheol had told him a little bit about you so he could have a bit of a head start, but one look at you and Seokminâs brain was doing circles like an excited puppy.Â
âHi, yes. Itâs really nice to meet you.âÂ
When your fingers slide over Seokmin's, you canât help the way your breath catches in your throat. The instant feeling of electricity his skin sends through you makes you shiver slightly, causing Seokmin to tilt his head curiously. A laugh slips from your lips when you take your hand back, your lip caught between your teeth, feeling shy under his gaze.Â
âIâll just grab a sweater, and we can go. I literally know nothing about what we are doing. Seungcheol refused to tell me anything.â You put on your best Seungcheol impression, making Seokmin laugh as he watches you from your door while you pick up a sweater. âItâs a blind date, Y/N.âÂ
âI donât know much myself; he only told me enough that I knew I really wanted to meet you. He is veryâŚprotective of you, but I can understand why, I think. If you are ready, I thought we could go to a cafe that I love.âÂ
You feel your cheeks burn at Seokminâs words, âI can understand whyâ. Shaking your head to yourself, you laugh before meeting his gaze with a small nod, turning to close, and locking your door so you can walk beside him towards the sidewalk and his waiting car when Seokmin stops and reaches up to scratch the side of his head.Â
âIâŚyou know I should have asked Seungcheol, but I am a bit scatterbrained sometimes, and I can pick somewhere else if need be, but um, are you allergic to dogs?âÂ
Stopping as he does, you look up at Seokmin, tilting your head, only to laugh at his question. Your pretty smile makes Seokmin feel like he is floating over the ground as he stands beside you. He had only met you, but when the wind blows through your hair, causing a piece of it to move across your cheek, he canât help but feel the urge to reach up and push it behind your ear. Instead, he keeps his hands to himself and simply smiles at you, waiting for your answer.Â
âNo, Iâm not allergic; I love dogs. Wait, are we going to a dog cafe? Oh my god, Seokmin! I havenât been to a dog cafe in like... years.âÂ
Your sudden excitement makes Seokminâs chest tighten; he has to will his feet to move once again, so you will follow him to his car. He simply laughs softly, pulling open the passenger side door for you and letting you slip into the seat before he winks at you sweetly.Â
âGuess you will just have to wait and see.âÂ
No amount of prodding would get Seokmin to reveal his secrets. You had to commend him for that. By the time he pulled his car into the small parking lot, you felt almost completely at ease in his presence despite the short amount of time you had spent with him. The conversation had come easy, and his smile was intoxicating and infectious. You could see why Seungcheol had chosen him as a friend and as a date for you.Â
Leaning forward to look at the sign, you squeal softly, making Seokmin grin into a small, subdued laugh. He couldnât help but be enamored by you already. The two of you had only discussed the basics, jobs, and brief family things, but the way you spoke to him made him want to be close to you. It was like you were water, and he had been wandering for days looking for you.Â
âI didnât even know they had a dog cafe on this side of town. I guess I donât get over here often. Oh my god, Seokmin... Look at that baby. I want to hug them.âÂ
Seokmin follows your gestured hand to a small lab-looking dog lying in a chair near a corner of a window. The dog had perked up the moment his car had pulled in.Â
âThatâs a beautiful dog. You have great taste, Y/N. We can go say hi, but letâs get something to eat first.âÂ
You knew those were the general rules for these sorts of cafes, but having him pull you back to reality was helpful. Joining Seokmin at the front of the car, you pull your sweater around yourself to guard your skin against the spring air, making him smile at you. His hand is closest to you, hovering near your back as he leans to open the door to the cafe with the other.Â
âThank you, sir.âÂ
Seokmin swallows slightly into a laugh at your words, letting you go in first before following you. Glancing up at the signs, he canât help but smile at the pictures of the dogs, finding the one you had found in the chair.Â
âY/N, there is your buddy. Looks like her name is Riley. Come onâŚâÂ
You whisper the name Riley, a tiny excited sound under your breath, moving to follow Seokmin into the somewhat crowded cafe section of the building. It's only when someone pushes past you, muttering a quick apology, that you find your hands wrapped around his forearm to keep you close to him.Â
âSorryâŚâÂ
Your quiet word causes Seokmin to glance down at you, a smile on his face as he shakes his head, leaning towards you briefly to speak before leading you towards the counter. âItâs okay; I really donât mind.âÂ
Your cheeks burn lightly, but you keep your hand where it is, enjoying the warm feeling of his arm under your touch. It had been so long since you had felt this giddy, almost schoolgirl crush feeling that caused your brain to go fuzzy when you looked at Seokmin.Â
Glancing over the bakery and drink options, Seokmin purses his lips, nodding to the boy behind the counter before looking back at you, only to find you still looking at him. A small laugh slips from the manâs lips, only to be bitten back when his teeth catch his bottom lip, so he can calm himself before speaking. He found himself so nervous and excited about getting your attention; feeling your fingers lightly picking at the material of his sweater only made it harder for him to focus.Â
âDo you see anything you like?âÂ
That was a question laced with double meaningâif you had ever heard one, whether or not Seokmin had meant it that way or not. You canât help but smile, glancing away with a smile and clearing your throat to look at the menu.Â
âUh, so much, honestly. Could I get a mocha latte? Oh, these chocolate muffins look good, but I couldnât finish that by myself.âÂ
Seokminâs face felt like he was going to overheat at your words about seeing so much that you liked. He had said it before; he had considered the possible double meaning, but your answer had really knocked him back. Itâs only when you mention something you want and are unable to finish it alone that Seokmin is brought back to the present.Â
âThen we can share it, and Iâll get an iced Americano.âÂ
Sliding into a seat, you watch Seokmin lean his shoulder against the wall, his tall frame drawing your eye from his head to his toes, causing you to let out a small sigh until he moves, hearing his name called for the order that was placed. A shy smile takes over your lips, drawing your eyes away from him to allow yourself a steady breath. You hadnât been sure how youâd feel about dating, especially in this sort of scenario, but so far, you werenât complaining.Â
âOne mocha latte, which smells delicious, by the way, and our chocolate muffin.âÂ
Seokminâs words pull your gaze upward once again as he takes a seat across from you at the small table. His infectious smile spreads to your face as he leans to place his forearm on the table, picks up his drink, and takes a sip.Â
âIt does smell good. Is your Americano good?âÂ
Nodding, Seokmin tilts his head, looking at the drink as if he were appraising it. âItâs alright. I have friends who make better ones, but that isnât really the draw of this place. I just hope you enjoy yours. Iâm not sure even a cute dog could make up for a bad date.âÂ
Laughing, you bring your latte to your lips, take a sip, and let the warm drink slip down your throat, causing your chest and stomach to feel instantly just as warm as the cup in your grasp.Â
âMmm, I donât think you have anything to worry about. The drink is good, but the date is going incredibly well so far, Seokmin. Itâs not often that I can say that a cute guy took me on a date to see cute dogs for a date. Pretty unique.âÂ
Seokmin bites at his bottom lip, a quiet laugh barely audible, while his fingers peel at the liner wrapped around the muffin sitting between the two of you on the table.Â
âThere were a lot of compliments in that statement, Y/N. I would say Iâm immune to flattery, but thatâd be a lie. I have to be honest with you, though; I donât know how I got this honor. From what I have learned about you so far, what Cheol told me, and as beautiful as you are.â
His voice trailing off, you find yourself unable to hold back your own laugh, knowing where he is going with the conversation. Shaking your head, you simply smile, taking a piece of the muffin when Seokmin offers it to you before speaking.Â
âIâm not some great catch, Seokmin. We talked about work, which coincidentally is the reason my best friend is setting up blind dates for me. I donât want to give anyone the wrong impression of me. I am looking for something⌠I donât know what it is, but Iâm tired of being lonely. They didnât give us a handbook on how to be an adult, and if they did, I doubt they would have included âyou are going to be lonely oftenâ inside of it.âÂ
Seokmin finds himself frowning slightly. He hated that you felt lonely. It wasnât that he didnât also share that feeling. He understood exactly where you were coming from. Friendships were great; they filled a void to a certain point, but they could only go so far.Â
âNo, youâre right. I doubt theyâd even want that in the fine print, but I think you are selling yourself a bit short. The reasons that you seem to think that you arenât a âgreat catchâ make you who you are. They make you unique, and Iâll be honest, they make you one hell of a catch.âÂ
You werenât even sure what to say. Instead, you just smile, taking another sip of your latte. Seokmin grins, breaking off a bite of the muffin to bring it to his lips and taking a bite of the chocolate as he watches you process his words. Both of you find yourselves sharing lowered glances and shy smiles for a moment until Seokmin finally breaks the tension, offering you a piece of the muffin.Â
âIt was a really good choice. It has chocolate chips, too, so itâs a bit rich. Sharing was smart.âÂ
Taking the piece of muffin from his fingers, you bite at your cheek when your skin brushes over his, causing electricity to pass between the two of you once again.Â
âThank you. I have my moments. Be sure to pass that along to our dear friend Cheol. I think he thinks Iâm an idiot.âÂ
Seokmin grins before shaking his head. You watch him bring his fingers to his lips to suck a bit of melted chocolate from the tips of them. Furrowing your brows, you canât help the way it causes you to swallow hard and stare even as he speaks.Â
âYou know?âÂ
Raising a brow, you shake your head and watch Seokmin smile at you, his head tilting almost like a curious puppy because you clearly werenât listening to what he had said.Â
âIâm so sorry. What did you say, Seokmin?âÂ
Biting the center of his bottom lip, Seokmin lets the skin drag through his teeth, an amused look on his face, before he leans back in his chair. Seokminâs eyes take you in a bit more as he takes in a deep breath, speaking once again.Â
âOh, I was just saying... Seungcheol has nothing but nice things to say about you. He would never call you an idiot. Where did that pretty little mind go before, Y/N?âÂ
Your cheeks burn slightly at the question, causing you to laugh out of nerves. You pick up your cup, taking a sip of the drink, shrugging only to look toward where you could hear the sounds of barking in the distance.Â
"Just, uh, you know, thinking about the dogs.âÂ
Seokminâs head tilts in the other direction as if he knows you arenât being truthful with him, but he isnât going to press the subject. Instead, he smiles at you softly and nods, leaning to collect the muffin wrapper and his empty cup.Â
âMm, then we should get you to them so you can meet Riley. If you are done with your drink?âÂ
Nodding, you stand to join him, letting him take your cup so he can put them in their proper place along with the trash. You are thankful for the brief moment so you can regain your senses, but it is short-lived when you feel his warm hand at the small of your back guiding you toward the area where you could go see the dogs.Â
âOkay, so we can choose a locker and leave our sweaters and stuff here. They donât want us to bring in any outside food. There are treats and stuff inside; otherwise, we can go in after we wash our hands.âÂ
You find yourself smiling at Seokmin as you watch him shed his sweater, bundling it into a locker, before he looks towards you, offering his hand for yours.Â
âYou come here a lot, donât you, Seokmin?âÂ
A smile spreads across his features as he takes your sweater in his hands, folding it before adding it to the locker and closing it with a small click.Â
âUh, yeah. I know it might be lame, but I canât have animals in my apartment, but I really like dogs. So this is the best way to kind of have the best of both worlds, you know?âÂ
Moving with him towards the sink, you smiled at Seokminâs explanation. There was nothing lame about it. Offering him your hands, you let him put some liquid soap into your palms before putting them under the warm water, taking turns washing your hands.Â
âI think itâs sweet and the farthest thing from lame. Itâs a good way to see the dogs; I mean, all of them are up for adoption, so you are doing something so good for these dogs by visiting. They are getting to meet someone so kind who is teaching them how to find a human. I love that so much.âÂ
Taking the paper towel from him, you smile at Seokmin as he looks down at you shyly. His stature is still so tall but so gentle, making you feel safe.Â
âI really thought you might think this was the worst date you had ever been on."Â
When you laugh, Seokmin canât help but smile even brighter, letting you take his hand and pulling him towards the door so the two of you can finally make your way into the room.Â
âWell, you thought wrong. This is already one of the best dates I have ever had the pleasure to be on.âÂ
You donât have much time to glance around the space once the doors are shut behind you before you feel paws on your legs, drawing your attention down. Seokmin watches, feeling your hand drop from his as you lean down to coo at a small, older dog who had jumped up on your legs.Â
With gray on his face and along his back, you find yourself surprised that this was the first dog up to greet you. Turning the dog's collar, you read the name Bailey on the tag as you scratch softly behind his ears, glancing up to look at Seokmin.Â
âHis name is Bailey. Oh my god, I love him. Come say hi."Â
Seokmin grins, his head shaking at how quickly he is falling for you. You had his chest feeling tight and warm. His heart was beating so quickly as he watched you lean your face down to allow this dog to lick at the tip of your nose.Â
âHe likes you.âÂ
Your bottom lip got caught between your teeth as you laughed. You pat Baileyâs side before the dog decides to waddle over to Seokmin to get attention from the larger man.Â
âAnd you.âÂ
With his fingers running through Baileyâs soft fur, Seokmin meets your eyes, only to feel his heart pick up in speed once again at how you are looking at him. He would give anything to have you look at him like that every day, possibly for the rest of his life. There was warmth in your eyes. It was as if he could picture the next 10 years with you in a single second and not even feel guilty about it.Â
Clearing his throat, Seokmin smiles as he watches Bailey run off to another person making their way into the room before he offers his hand to you as he stands.Â
âLetâs go find Riley, huh?âÂ
You laugh quietly and nod, allowing the handsome man to lead you through the room until you find who you had been most excited about seeing. The small lab-mix dog perks up when you move into the room where she is lying. Her tail wags quickly, though she doesnât make any quick movements.Â
âRiley, hi, baby. You are so pretty⌠Oh, my god.âÂ
Hearing you speak to her, the dog lifts her head and tilts it, much like you had watched Seokmin do while eating the muffin not an hour before. You laugh, moving to sit in front of the chair she had chosen, allowing her to climb down as she curiously looks from you to Seokmin before deciding she wants to lay down between the two of you, laying her head down in your lap and her body across his legs.Â
âWowâŚIâI didnât expect that.âÂ
You shake your head at Seokminâs words, your hand running over the dogâs head and face softly as she closes her eyes, quietly breathing against your leg. You find yourself feeling a bit sad that she isnât your dog, causing Seokmin to notice your frown.Â
âY/N, you okay?âÂ
Seokmin watches you glance up at him, a smile quickly replacing your frown as you try to come up with words. His hand slid along Rileyâs side to take your hand, holding your fingers and comforting you.Â
âOh yeah⌠I just have never had a dog act like this with me before.â You laugh and gesture with your free hand toward her and him. âOr a guy, honestly.âÂ
Seokmin smiles gently, his thumb caressing your palm as Riley takes in a breath shift to get more comfortable as she drifts off in your lab.Â
âI canât speak to the dog, but as for the guy, it's how you should be treated. Iâm not doing anything special. Iâm just being myself. I justâfuckâŚI like you soâŚyou know.âÂ
You laugh quietly, your finger running along the ridge of Rileyâs nose as you look down from Seokminâs eyes, shyly making him use his free hand to lift your chin carefully.Â
âWe can come back and visit Riley. If you like her this much... and your apartment allows dogs, then maybeâŚâÂ
Seokmin trails off his question, but you nod in understanding, finding yourself afraid that she will be adopted before you can make your way back. You didnât want to rush any decisions, which included Seokmin, even though you also found yourself having to admit that you liked him very much.Â
âYeah, maybe, but I would like to come back and visit.âÂ
With his thumb running along your jaw, Seokmin nods. You watch a small smile cross his lips before his hand finally drops from your face, letting you have some of your personal space back, though he doesnât want to stop touching you.Â
âAnytime, thatâs if you want me to tag along.âÂ
It was your turn to smile, your brows furrowing at how shy Seokmin in front of you seemed to get when he tried to be subtle in asking you out again.Â
âIâd really like that, Seokmin.âÂ
Grinning, Seokmin drops his eyes towards Riley, though your eyes stay on him and the way he seems to try to collect himself at your response. Biting your lip, you reach out to tilt his chin back up this time. Your thumb slides along his jaw as Seokmin watches you with warm, curious eyes before you lean in to gently press your lips against his.Â
His breath hitching in his throat, Seokminâs eyes close as his fingers find your wrist even as you pull away, making it clear it was just a simple chaste kiss. He wasnât sure what he had done to deserve it, but it made him want another. You watch his Adam's apple rise and fall with a hard swallow before Seokmin laughs under his breath, finally opening his eyes to search for yours as he speaks.Â
âYou have a way of surprising a guy. What did I do to deserve that?âÂ
Smiling at his words, you relish in the feeling of his thumb rubbing in a gentle circle against the inside of your wrist as the man in front of you looks at you as if you hung the moon and the stars in the sky.Â
âEverything and nothing. This has been a wonderful date, Seokmin. I donât want it to end.âÂ
Catching his bottom lip between his teeth, Seokmin considers your words carefully before nodding. You watch his tongue gently swipe over his lips before the feeling of Riley shifting on your lap causes you to look away from Seokmin and towards the dog as she moves to lay on the floor.Â
âMaybeâŚif you wantâI mean, since you donât want the date to end, it doesnât have to?âÂ
Running your fingers over Rileyâs head, you laugh at Seokminâs words and how he talks in a circle to get to his point before looking back at him and seeing the hopeful look on his face. When you nod, his smile causes your chest to tighten. Seokminâs smile only seems to brighten as he shifts to his knees and then his feet before he offers you his hands to help you to your feet beside him.Â
Soft whispered goodbyes and promises to visit again are made to Riley before you and Seokmin make your way back to the lockers to collect your belongings and find yourselves back in his car, heading towards his apartment. Seokminâs fingers dance along the gearshift as his eyes move from the road to your hand resting on your lap until you smile into a gentle laugh, reaching to take his hand for yourself, causing him to let out a soft, relieved sound.Â
âYou donât have to be so careful with me, Seokmin. If I donât like something, Iâll let you know. But you can hold my handâŚI think itâs clear that I like you. I mean, I like you a lot.âÂ
Feeling his cheeks heating up at your words, Seokmin tightens his grip on your hand, glancing over at you before looking back at the road, trying to make sure he kept you both safe. Either you had no idea what effect you had on him or you were so aware that you were seeing how he would react. Seokminâs mind was spinning already.Â
"God, I like you a lot too. Like a lot. You are gorgeous, funny, and smart. I was a goner the moment I met you.âÂ
A hopeless romantic. If you had to describe Lee Seokmin, those are the words you would use for him already. He made your stomach erupt with butterflies and your heart beat faster with just his words. He wasnât the only goner. Smiling, you press your lips together to stop yourself from smiling too much as he pulls his car into a parking spot, taking his hand from you to put the car into park.Â
Shyly meeting your eyes, Seokmin laughs the moment you tilt your head at him. Your pretty smile catches him off guard as you sense his apprehension. Seokmin watches as you lift your hand, quirking your index finger back towards you in a come hither motion. You canât help but laugh softly as he lets out another breathless laugh, leaning towards you to meet you halfway over the center console. He only falls silent when your lips once again find his in a gentle kiss that erases his nerves.Â
With your fingers sliding along his jaw, you smile against Seokminâs lips, pulling away only enough to speak against them, feeling him chase you ever so slightly.Â
âMight not mean much right now, but itâs just me. You talked me up a lot but Iâm just me⌠Are you gonna take me to your apartment, or are we just going to make out in your car like a couple of teenagers?âÂ
You feel Seokminâs lips pull up slightly against your lips as you press a soft kiss on them once again. A quiet hum of appreciation slips from between them before he furrows his brows and forces himself to pull away from you.Â
âTrust meâŚÂ You are tempting me to get into the back seat, and I havenât done that in years. But yes, let me get you upstairs. Get you something to drink and sit somewhere comfortable.âÂ
Laughing under your breath, you watch Seokmin turn off the car and slide from the driver's seat before making his way around to you, opening your door, and offering you his hand. Sliding your fingers between his, you watch out of the corner of your eyes as a smile once again pulls up at his lips as he tightens his grip on your hand, walking beside you into the building and up the stairs.Â
Opening the door, Seokmin takes a step to the side, letting you move inside first as he reaches to turn on the lights, allowing you to look around. He watches as your smile widens, your feet carrying you through the hallway to the living room, where you were already looking at pictures on the wall.Â
âMake yourself at home. You want that drink? I have soda, water, or beerâŚwine?âÂ
Hearing the soft laugh in his voice, you canât help but smile as you turn back towards Seokmin after looking at a few of the pictures of Seokmin and his family and friends. He looked happy and loved. Weighing your options, you purse your lips and tilt your head before finding your way to his sofa, sitting down with a small audible breath before answering.Â
âA beer sounds nice, actually.âÂ
Grinning, Seokmin nods, turning on his heels towards his kitchen and pointing with his left hand to signify where he was going.Â
âOne beer coming up.âÂ
When you laugh at his antics, Seokmin canât help but feel his heart beat a bit quicker as he grabs two beers from his fridge. Taking a steady breath, he mutters to himself to chill before returning to the living room and offering you the beer once heâs removed the top.Â
Letting your fingers slide over his purposefully, you smile as you bring the beer to your lips, tilting it back to take a sip as Seokmin finally takes a seat near you. You canât help but let your smile morph into a bit of a smirk when you notice he hadnât sat as close as you had wanted, his nerves once again getting the better of him.Â
Clearing his throat, Seokmin takes a long drink of his own beer before placing the bottle on the coffee table and glancing down at his hands as if searching for something to say. Opening and closing his mouth twice, you watch the man smile before shaking his head and finally looking up at you with an embarrassed look on his face.Â
âItâs been a really long time since Iâve had someone back at my place. I promise I am not usually this awkwardâokay, thatâs a lie, but Iâm less awkward once you get to know me. Iâm just scared to screw this up.âÂ
Laughing against the lip of the beer bottle, you take one more sip before placing your bottle on the table with Seokminâs. His eyes fixed on you. You watch his lips press together before once again lifting into a smile when you slide closer to him, reaching for his hand once again, breaking the awkward tension.Â
âI told you, Iâm just me. We were doing so well in the car. Hell, you said you even wanted to get in the back seat. You donât want that any more? Did the walk upstairs get rid of all the teenage whimsy?âÂ
Seokmin laughs and shakes his head at your words. You watch his brows lift as he takes a deep breath, shifting on the sofa, his fingers sliding along your palm.Â
âNo, not at all. I justââÂ
âDonât wanna screw up?âÂ
Laughing again, Seokmin meets your eyes as you finish his sentence. He watches as you once again move on the sofa, testing the waters in your own way as you lift your free hand to brush it against his jaw. You normally didnât move quickly with dates, but you werenât willing to end this one without just a taste.Â
Leaning into your touch, Seokmin tries to stifle the groan that rises in his throat when your nails run down the side of his neck, but you smile, letting him know you still heard it. Letting go of his hand, you shift once again on the sofa, moving to your knees next to Seokmin so that your lips can brush against his with ease.Â
Seokminâs hand hovers over your hip, his fingers flexing as he has a mental battle with himself about whether or not it would be okay to touch you as he meets your lips halfway. But when you whine against his lips, Seokminâs brows furrow and he canât help himself anymore. Fingers hold tightly over your clothes, pulling you towards him as the kiss deepens with need.Â
Parting your lips for Seokminâs tongue to glide along yours, you find yourself quickly giving into your urges with him. Sliding your leg over his, you sit in his lap, granting yourself a groan from Seokminâs chest. He was trying hard not to let himself get too aroused, but the feeling of your warmth sliding over his was making it impossible.Â
âFuckââÂ
The single word slipping from Seokminâs lips against yours as you roll your hips down over his causes you to grip his shoulders a bit tighter. You werenât sure how far you wanted to go with him, but it felt too good to just stop here. Resting your forehead against Seokmin's, you moan his name softly, causing him to buck his hips upwards ever so slightly.Â
âY/NâŚIf you keep grinding on me like that, baby, you sound so pretty.âÂ
You werenât even sure if Seokmin had realized he had called you âbabyâ, but you couldnât help but smile at the pet name. You could feel his cock getting harder under you, and you didnât want to stop. Not unless he wanted you to.Â
âMm, you feel good, Seokmin. Do you want me to stop?âÂ
Slowing your movement, you hear Seokmin whine almost in pain, his hands sliding along your sides to your hips to push you back down over his erection. It was clear you both wanted more.Â
"Please, God, donât stop. Can Iâjust wanna feel?âÂ
Leaning back, you glance down to watch Seokminâs fingers move over the clasp of your jeans and then your zipper. Letting you lift your hips once again, Seokmin helps you wiggle out of the denim before you settle back on his lap, and his fingers slide along your bare legs. His eyes move over your face, lips parted softly, only to pull up into a smile when you let out a moan of his name as you roll your hips down over his jeans.Â
âDo you wannaâmmm, oh my god, Seokmin?"Â
Starting to ask if he wanted to take off his pants too, you find yourself unable to finish the sentence when Seokmin has other ideas. His fingers were sliding to the center of your legs over your panties, which were now sticking to your wet pussy.Â
âThis is what I want tonight. Is that okay? God, baby, you are so wet. Gonna get my jeans all messy.âÂ
Leaning forward once again, you rest your forehead against Seokmin's, hearing his soft groan as you moan. With each roll of your hips towards his, you could feel Seokminâs fingers brushing your clit though your panties, sending a shockwave of pleasure through your body.Â
Your fingers tightly gripping at his shoulders, you feel his shirt bunching under your fingers as Seokmin smiles into another groan, feeling you grind down over his cock once again. He felt like he was going crazy. He wanted inside of you so badly, and yet this was more than enough for right now. The fucked out look on your face, the moans falling out of your mouth laced with his name? Seokmin was on cloud nine as his cock leaked obscenely in his boxers.Â
âFuck, Y/NâŚwant you to cum for me.âÂ
The gentle and shy man was gone, and in his place was someone almost perfect. You loved how gentle Seokmin was and how he had been talking to you before, but now he was asking you to cum for him?Â
Your cheeks heating up. You smile at his words, catching your bottom lip between your teeth. You feel Seokminâs fingers slide your panties to the side before his thumb and index finger roll around your clit, causing your back to arch.Â
Seokmin groans deep in his throat, his free hand holding tightly to your side to keep you safely on his lap as his other hand works over your clit and folds sending you over the edge. His eyes stay fixed on your face, his lips parting ever so slightly as you fall apart for him. Seokmin feels the warm, wet slick of your cum on his fingers and through your panties against it begins to soak through his jeans.Â
Another groan draws your attention. This one is not as deep as the last; instead, there is more breath and urgency to it. Your eyes find Seokminâs face as his hips lift towards your warm, wet core, his hands pulling your hips down over him. You watch as a look of bliss spreads over his face before he closes his eyes and wrinkles his nose, shaking his head.Â
Smiling, you reach up to run your fingers along Seokminâs cheek and down his neck, realizing what had happened. A look of slight embarrassment registers on the manâs face as he opens one eye, looking up at you to find you looking at him in awe.Â
âThat was so fucking sexy, Seokmin. Oh my godâŚâÂ
Biting at his lips, Seokmin quirks a brow at you, his fingers running along your thighs, trying to figure out if you are making fun of him. When itâs clear you aren't, you watch a smile spread along his lips before a laugh escapes his lips. Lifting a hand to his face, Seokmin pushes his hair from his forehead and sighs.Â
âYeah? Well, I havenât done that since I was a teenager, so how is that for teenage whimsy? I feel gross as hell, though, not even gonna lie.âÂ
Laughing, you lean to kiss Seokmin, feeling him smile against your lips. His hands slide along your sides, and you back down until you slide from his lap and start to reach for your jeans, causing him to frown.Â
âLeaving?âÂ
You glance back up to see Seokminâs brows furrowed deeply, a look of concern on his face. Smiling softly, you shake your head and bite at your lips.Â
âWell, noâŚÂ I mean, you said you felt gross. I thought you might want a shower.âÂ
Reaching for you, Seokmin pulls you back into his arms and sighs against your temple as you settle against his side.Â
âYeah, in a few minutes. You can take one too before I take you home, or at least wash off or something. I know you canât feel comfortable. But there is no need for us to rush off, unless you want to. I enjoyed this.âÂ
Your cheeks once again feel like you are standing too close to an oven. You find yourself smiling and nuzzling against Seokminâs chest as he grins, feeling how warm your face has become.Â
âIâm not in a rush. I enjoyed it too. I toldâŚÂ I really like you, Seokmin.âÂ
Leaning his head back against the sofa, Seokmin grins at your words, looking up at the ceiling, feeling like he had won the lottery. He knew he wasnât the only date you were going to go on, but he felt like his chances were pretty good.Â
âMm, and I like you. Now, tell me about Cheol as a teenager.âÂ
Seokmin grins as you snort into a laugh at the question. He could get used to that sound and the feeling of you in his arms. He knew it wasnât up to him, but he was going to enjoy tonight for as long as he could stretch it out.Â
Š onlymingyus - all rights reserved. Reposting/modifying of any fic, or pieces of original writings posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations not allowed.
THE FUCKING MAIN EVENT JOSHUA HONG
your best friend is many things. smart, funny, empathetic, a complete and utter pain in your ass to name but a few. and on the evening of his twenty-eighth birthday, you discover something a little unexpected: jeonghan is very afraid of thunderstorms.Â
pairing : jeonghan x fem reader. content : f2?. smut. fluff. a bit of angst. comfort. (MINORS DNI) w/c : 6.3k warnings : swearing. jeonghan has astraphobia / a fear of storms (for a brief period, he's a little fragile). intentional lowercase. smut tags utc. PLEASE let me know if i've forgotten anything. notes : happy birthday to this sweetest of sweethearts. i would chew my right arm off if he asked me to. (barely proofread. if you see a typo, no you didn't.<3)
smut tags : pussy drunk jeonghan (my beloved), no real power dynamics but jh is a cocky mf and a bit of a dick, panty sniffing hehe, fingering, oral sex (f rec), reader is turned on by the storm. they're very unserious about it.
the lead actors meet in a kiss. the screen fades to black. so ends yet another round of your annual birthday movie nights.
jeonghan reaches for the remote and silences the end credit theme to the film youâve just finished watching at the same time as you lift your head up off his shoulder, stretching high above your head and letting out perhaps the loudest yawn (-stroke-moan) of your life. your joints ache from too long spent in one, rather cramped, position, your eyes feel heavy in the late hour. the room falls almost silent around you both, save for the harsh splashing of rain against the windows.Â
(this really doesnât help the fact that youâre seconds away from falling asleep.)
âwhat did you think?â jeonghan asks, stretching his long legs out in front of him.Â
ânot my best pick,â you say, scrunching your nose a little. ânot my worst, either.â
your best friend gives a short âhaâ of agreement, finally standing up off the couch. âcouldnât have said it better myself.âÂ
he gathers up the takeout boxes currently decorating his coffee table and grabs the now empty drinks glasses with his free hand, grunting softly as he stands fully upright again. you see him trying to roll out a kink in his neck and laugh from where youâre still settled comfortably in the couch cushions.
âyouâre going stiff in your old age,â you tease him, grinning brightly. he fires a look at you that simultaneously dares you to keep going down this path, and yet also, tiredly agrees. âremind me to book you a good massage for your birthday next year.â
he grunts something that sounds suspiciously like an instruction to go fuck yourself as he takes his leave from the room, carrying everything that needs to be thrown away or washed up into the kitchen. you busy yourself on your phone while heâs gone, deciding to check in on your weather app. you quite like the rain and youâre really not that worried about driving home in it; youâre just curious how long itâs going to last for.Â
in the delay of the app opening, a series of bright flashes bounce off every single wall in the living room. when you glance outside, the rain is falling harder than before; barely ten seconds later, a thunderclap roars through the ajar windows and you feel it all the way down into your tummy.Â
you donât have a chance to excitedly run across the room to get a look at the storm, though. a loud swear and the sound of crashing glass stings your eardrums before the rumble is even over. instead, youâre bolting through in the same direction jeonghan disappeared off in just moments ago, your heart having taken dangerous residence your stomach.
âwhatâs wrong?!â you ask as you skid around the corner in your socks, just managing to catch yourself from sliding straight into the wall at the end of the hallway. âi heard aââ
you freeze, then, falling silent. jeonghan is gripping onto the kitchen counter like his life depends on it with both shattered glasses laying at his feet; he looks like heâs seen a ghost, all white-knuckled and clammy and pale-lipped. itâs terrifying.Â
âhey,â you say, slowly making your way into the room, mindful not to startle him and even more careful not to stand on one of the many shards on the laminate. âwhat happened? are you okay?â
he nods, weakly. swallows hard. blinks a few times, curls and uncurls his fingers, steps back from the counter.Â
âyeah,â he breathes eventually, uncertain and still visibly shaken. he wipes his palms on his sweatpants and looks over at you, forcing a smile, but youâve known him for entirely too long to be sold on this terrible performance. âi, uh-...â
but jeonghan stops short, shaking his head, running out of words to say. for a moment, you think maybe heâs about to apologise; thatâs the shape his lips make, anyway. you cut in before he gets the chance.
âitâs okay,â you say, leaning one hip up against the counter. âgo sit down, iâll clear all this up. watch where you stand, though.â
âyou donât have toââ he starts, but you interject before he can even entertain the idea of cleaning the mess himself.
âi know i donât, but i want to. go. iâll only be a minute.â
begrudgingly, he agrees; you grab the broom from his kitchen cupboard and start slowly sweeping the broken glass into a dustpan while he carefully steps on the safe parts of the floor and makes his way back through to the living room. you make reasonably quick work of everything, emptying the fragments into the bin on top of the takeout boxes â all thatâs left by the time youâre finished a couple of minutes later, is to try and figure out what caused all this in the first place.
jeonghan isnât an easily shaken individual; you know this from years of experience. he seems to be able to catch you every time, without fail: whether heâs just popping out at you from behind a door and making you yelp, or heâs near-on giving you heart failure by texting you that something terrible has happened and that you need to come over, immediately, only for said âterribleâ thing to be that he got really comfy on the couch without making any popcorn. but regardless of all the numerous ways he manages to terrorise you, youâve never, ever managed to do the same back to him.Â
heâs always shrugged off your attempts, bragging that he just isnât afraid of anything. so⌠youâre not really any closer to finding an answer at the time of going back through to the living room with your backpack slung over one shoulder.
âyou wanna tell me what happened in there?â you ask, sitting down next to him on the couch. youâre sure his posture is supposed to be an attempt to convince you that heâs absolutely fine, now, but jeonghan looks stiff and is outright refusing to meet your eyes, despite your best attempts. again, unfortunately, you arenât so easily fooled.
âi just came over dizzy,â he lies, doing his best to play it down. âmaybe i stood up too fast and had a delayed reaction, i donât know.â
âiâve known corpses get up faster than you did, hannie,â you deadpan, laying one hand by his knee. âcome on. thatâs crap.â
he doesnât quite jerk away from you, but you do feel his thigh muscles tense under your touch. you slide your palm down onto the couch between you instead in an effort to make him a tiny bit more comfortable.Â
âitâs nothing,â he tries. âreally. itâsââ
âjeonghanââ
ây/n.â
the room around you falls silent, both of your stubborn personalities at a stalemate. he wonât talk, and you wonât let him stay quiet. itâs been this way for years. since you were teenagers, even. youâd think he would have learned by now. (he hopes that you might have, too.)
but, there is a fact at play that makes you stop staring him down, and you relax your shoulders slightly as you sit forwards.
âiâm only letting this go because itâs your birthday,â you sigh, clasping your hands together. âif it was any other day of the weekââ
âyeah, yeah. trust me. i know.â
thereâs an edge to his voice that almost sounds like your jeonghan. like the teasing menace you know and adore. almost. itâs missing something. missing his usual spark.
âi swear to god, though, if i find out youâre sick and youâre not telling me,â you mutter under your breath. not quite under your breath enough, mind â he hears you perfectly, and you can see, out of the corner of his eye as you start to rummage through your backpack for your car keys, the way his ears prick up.
âdonât be stupid, iâm not sick,â he says. the truth in these words, specifically, is evident in the weight of his voice, in the way his fingers brush against the small of your back. âi swear.â
âpinky swear?â you ask, turning to look at him over one shoulder.
he holds out his little finger on his right hand for you, both eyebrows raised in a silent challenge. you pinch your lips tight before hooking your own pinky through his, leaning in and pressing a short kiss to the pad of your thumb. the way you used to when you were kids. âyou really canât break those.â he used to say. âtheyâre like, triple the strengthâ. saved for really important promises. when he does the same, you know you can believe him.
âokay,â you concede, going back to your search. âin that case â i think iâm gonna head on home before the roads get flooded.â you had to learn the hard way that the drains in this part of town arenât known for their ability to handle much more than a middling rainfall.
somehow â always, somehow â buried at the very bottom of your backpack, you manage to find your keys and your hand curls around them as soon as you feel one of the rough edges against your fingertips. itâs barely been three seconds since your announcement, but jeonghan has managed to shuffle right into your personal bubble anyway and is now sitting with one arm pressed fully against your own.
âi donât know if itâs safe to drive when itâs like this,â he says quietly. âit seems dangerous.â
âi think iâll be okay if i leave, like, soon,â you try to reassure him.Â
âyou think,â he repeats, narrowing his eyes at you.Â
âiâve driven in so much worse, believe me,â you say. âdonât worry, iâll be careful.â
âwhy donât you just stay the night?â he offers. âyouâre not working tomorrow, are you?â
âiâm not,â you confirm, and you do genuinely consider the offer for a moment before deciding to decline. âbut i need a shower, andââ
jeonghan interrupts you, a little too quickly. âyou can use my shower, iâve got spare towels. iâll sleep on the couch. donât drive in this.â
âhannie, stop worrying,â you laugh, starting towards the door. âi promise, iâll go slow and iâll text you the second iâm home.â
ây/n,â he sighs, stepping towards you, jaw tense. âplease. just this once.â
you swallow, looking all over his face, trying to figure out what train of thought the cogs behind his eyes are turning in tune with, why heâs so stressed about this. youâve never known him behave like this sober. (youâve only ever known him to be like this once, at all, and he tried to kiss you, then, soâ)
âi reallyâŚâ you start, only to be interrupted by another brilliant white flash. your eyes dart to the window just in time to see the lightning bolt through the clouds, and you feel your face noticeably soften in wonder. barely four seconds later â itâs getting closer â the loudest thunder clap you think youâve heard in your life drowns out every thought youâve ever had.Â
every thought, except the sudden pressure of jeonghanâs fist around your forearm. every thought, except the stuttered gasp he lets slip. every thought, except the sudden fear in his too-wide-eyes.
oh, you think, realisation dawning on you as the blunt press of his nails grows just a fraction softer in time with the end of the rumble. thatâsâŚ
âitâs okay,â you say softly, taking a step closer to jeonghan and opening your arms for him to step into. âitâs okay. iâm here.â
he falls against you like an unsteady house of cards, his arms tight around your back and his head buried into the place in your shoulder where it fits the best. youâve never seen him like this, and youâre not really sure what to do with yourself; heâs always been the sturdy one, between the two of you. heâs always been your rock. thereâs a little bit of an irony in how heâs always been the one to help you weather the storm, but with the shoe on the other footâŚ
âhow can i help you?â you ask, trailing your fingers up and down his back, not really sure that he can feel you through the thick material of his sweatshirt but youâre trying your best, anyway.Â
he squeezes you tighter, buries his head further down into your shoulder, takes a few shaky breaths in through his mouth and screws his eyes shut a little more before he makes his request.Â
âplease stay with me.â
if your heart wasnât aching for him before, it most certainly is now. you nod to the room at large, hoping jeonghan can feel the movement even a little. you donât loosen your hold around him, though: you let your best friend cling to you for as long as his muscles will allow before they start to ache and he has to step away.Â
âcome with me,â you say once heâs finished running his fingers through his hair, trying to set it back to rights. âitâs okay.â you hold one of your hands out to him and he takes it, albeit apprehensively; giving his palm a squeeze with your own, you guide him through the apartment towards his bedroom.
âwhat are youâ?â he asks, and despite his earlier hesitance to hold onto your hand, he doesnât want to let go of you now youâve reached your destination. he just stands next to you, fingers threaded through yours, looking at your face with tired eyes and a lifted brow.Â
âgrab your bedsheets,â you tell him, shaking your hand free. âand your pillows. weâre gonna make a fort.â
âa what?â
âa blanket fort,â you say. âto hide from the storm.â
he doesnât say anything for a moment, and for a brief second, you think maybe the idea has offended him. his face hasnât lifted into the smile you sort of expected it to; instead, heâs just staring down at his bed as if heâs trying to will himself out of existence.
âwe donât have to do all that,â he says. âitâs⌠thatâs way too much?â
âitâs your birthday,â you counter. âand i want to make you a birthday fort. like we used to, when we were kids. itâll be fun!â
he gives a little sigh, but itâs not one of sadness or exasperation with you. itâs defeat. except, you think if you could taste it, youâd be able to pick up a tiny lacing of sweetness in his exhale.Â
âfine. youâre building it, though.â
you think itâs safe to say that perhaps, youâre a bit out of practice. you distinctly remember this being much easier when you were young: throwing bedsheets and blankets over the couch and propping them up with chairs or broomsticks. the forts that you would make as a child were, truly, a sight to behold: you used fairy-lights to decorate one, once, and it still remains one of your most prideful projects to date. the slight catastrophe that sits in jeonghanâs living room by the time youâve finished laying out the last few pillows is⌠more a cave, in your opinion, and not a very pretty one, but you emerge from it smiling anyway and jeonghan looks at you so fondly that no matter how rubbish it is, itâs worth the half an hour you spent putting it together.
âwhat do you think?â you ask, sitting back on your heels.
âitâs not your best,â jeonghan teases as he walks towards your monstrosity masterpiece, critically eyeing the âroofâ that would definitely fail any kind of health and safety audit. âbut itâs not your worst, either.â
a bright smile lights up your face as he drops down to his knees and crawls inside the space alongside you, letting the âdoorâ (a particularly thick blanket) fall down behind him. one of the (many, many, many, many, many) problems you encountered was trying to make one of these to fit two grown adults, but with him tucked away inside with you and a few flashlights to prevent you from being plunged into darkness⌠ignoring the potential for it all to come collapsing in on you at any given time, itâs surprisingly comfortable.Â
you lay back against the pillows first and jeonghan follows soon after, a weirdly gleeful smile playing at his lips as he does. he curls into your side and you talk, and talk, and talk. about everything. about nothing. it doesnât really matter.
youâre not quite sure why, but the deep roars of the storm outside donât seem to bother jeonghan quite as much in here. maybe itâs because heâs not alone, and thereâs no imminent threat for him to be: maybe your company really is making a difference. he still reaches for you every time thereâs a particularly loud clap, still closes his eyes and takes a series of deep breaths until his stress passes, but for whatever reason, he feels significantly less tense.
and when, after the third boom, he decides just⌠not to let go of your hand? who are you to try and force him?
thereâs⌠just one problem, though. youâre ecstatic that the storm isnât bothering jeonghan as much, now. that he can talk absolute nonsense to you in your private little hideaway, that he can lean his head against your shoulder and chuckle at your bad jokes and even crack a few of his own. genuinely, you could not be happier. for him.
but there was more reason than wanting to sleep in your own bed that had you desperately trying to get home before you realised the gravity of your best friendâs situation.Â
with every new growl of thunder outside, something low in your stomach twists, accompanied by an ache, a warmth, a throbbing between your thighs. at first, it was easy enough to battle through. you kept telling yourself that the thunder never lasts too long, that you could get through this without jeonghan being any the wiser, that everything was going to be fine. but now, almost an hour later, the buzz of electricity in the atmosphere and the entirely-too-addicting scent of your best friendâs fabric softener has you feeling hot enough you could faint.
you twist and shuffle over and over, hoping to find a position that eases the throbbing. itâs fine, you think, taking a deep breath and praying to every deity you can recall by name that jeonghan doesnât notice your discomfort. i can do this. itâs fine. just a little while longer.
a spectacular boom sounds through the apartment and jeonghanâs fingers tighten around yours so much that, against all your better judgement, you let out a loud gasp. not out of pain, though â no, you wish. if only it was that easy. ha. no â as he squeezes your hand, images flash through your mind of him being the one to relieve you of the tension building up beneath your skin. of him gripping and grasping and tugging, thrusting, tasting, adoring. your throat runs dry and you squeeze your thighs together desperately, pinching your lips tight, willing your pounding heart to calm the fuck down. willing your cunt to stop drooling into your panties.
âfuck,â you breathe when he finally lets go. you feel him shuffle at your side and prop himself up on one elbow, looking down at your face with mild terror written into the lines of his own.
âiâm so sorry â did that hurt?â he asks, searching your eyes for any kind of clue. you wish he wouldnât. surely, you think, pressing your tongue harshly against the roof of your mouth, surely my pupils are blown to oblivion, right now.
you shake your head, not trusting yourself to speak.
âare you sure?â he asks, slowly running his fingers down your arm, moving to take hold of your hand again if youâll let him. you flinch, the drag of his nails akin to an electric shock â like being struck by lightning, you tell yourself â and he snaps his hand back straight away. âwhatâs wrong?â
ânothing,â you hurry, pushing yourself up to sit (almost head-butting him in the process) and groaning at the way the seam on your jeans rubs against your clit. who wears fucking jeans to a movie night? what absolute moronâ
âdo you feel okay?â jeonghan questions, sitting fully upright now too. âdo you think it was the fooââ
âoh my god, please,â you whimper, bowing your head, letting your hair fall around your face, shielding you from him. just a little. not quite enough. âplease. iâm fine. stop asking. iâm fine.â
âsaid everyone, ever, who was in fact â not fine,â jeonghan quips. âdo you need water? i can help, just talk to meââ
âjeonghan,â you snap, whipping your head back up. your face feels hot and you donât know if youâve ever felt this tense before in all your years on this earth. all your muscles are tweaking in anticipation for something that most certainly is not going to happen, and you really need him to stop talking in that deep, smooth, caring voice. with immediate effect. for the love of god âÂ
âŚand heaven above, the penny drops.Â
jeonghanâs concerned expression turns to one of complete shock and you cover your face with both hands, trying so desperately hard not to be perceived by him in this most humiliating of moments. he doesnât say anything for a second, and you tell yourself that heâs probably trying to find either a terrible joke to ease the tension or a way to tell you to go home. you donât know which would be worse, but itâs only a matter of time until you find out.
therefore, you definitely donât expect him to pry your hands away from your cheeks, and for his shit-eating, impishly charming, handsome-as-fuck grin to be the first thing your eyes land on when you open them.
âreally? thunderstorms?â he asks, close enough that you feel the breaths that his words donât quite steal. âthatâs your kink?â
âitâs not a kink,â you whine, throwing your hands down either side of you. he doesnât release his hold on your wrist, though. âcome on, donât beââ
âof all the things you could be into,â he says. oh, heâs back. heâs back with a vengeance. you suppose, really, you should be glad that heâs feeling more like his usual self, but the fact that itâs at your expense? that thereâs no-one else around for him to turn on instead? that this is your topic of conversation at ten past midnight on his living room floor?
âhannie, please,â you huff, lips drawing downwards into a frowning pout. the ache isnât going away. why isnât it going away? why is this cocky, smirking version of your best friend making you feel even hotter under the collar? whatâs going on? âdonât you think iâve suffered enough?â
ânot even nearly,â he says, sitting up on his knees, resting his palms on his thighs. âsince when? how did you even figââ
boom.
and his jaw falls slack, watching you squirm.
youâre quite literally fighting for your life. or, at minimum, for your friendship. because, really, you could jump jeonghanâs bones right now and you donât actually think heâd turn you down (something to be filed under: thoughts that are not making this any easier). but thatâs not what youâre trying to do; youâre trying to help him feel better, and take his mind off his fear, and when he pulls his bottom lip between his bottom teeth before speaking â
âokay, wait. hear me out.â
to both of your surprises, you do. you donât try and protest, which he was sort of expecting you to do. you donât tell him to shut up, you donât try and get away from him. you sit there, eyes wide, hands curling into the blankets beneath your slowly numbing ass, and you wait for him to continue.
âi can help you.â
your heart shoots up into your throat and you struggle to swallow around it. your breaths are heavy, laboured, your lips parted and a little swollen from how youâve been biting at them for the past hour and a bit.
âyou donât have toââ
âshut up, y/n,â he says dismissively, crawling in front of you and lifting your hands away from the bedding youâre kneading (pathetically, in his professional opinion) like a cat. âlisten. youâve helped me so much tonight, you donât even know. let me return the favour.â
âhannieâŚâ
âhannie,â he whines, in a poor imitation of your voice. âhannie, i only helped you because you needed meâ is that it? look at you, y/n. youâre a mess.â
if this were anyone else, youâd be livid. not only at the way he so effortlessly makes fun of you, but at the fact that he accurately finished your sentence without having anything more than an affectionate nickname to work from as a hint. you donât know what to say, suddenly stunned into silence, but itâs all right. you donât need to say anything; he keeps going.
âyou need me. let me help you â look. itâs my birthday.â
he wants this, you think to yourself, growing slightly concerned by the way your heart continues to hammer in your throat. he wants⌠me.
you give one slow, but definite, nod of your head and jeonghanâs grin grows from cocky to genuine. he crawls until heâs right up in your space, lifting a hand to your cheek, and you forget how to breathe for a moment as he looks you in the eyes with more heat than the mid-august sun.
âlie down,â he says, pushing that last little bit closer and capturing your lips in a kiss. itâs short, but mind-boggling. your brain goes totally blank when he pulls away. âitâs okay. iâve got you.â
but you do as he says and shuffle around the little fort so youâre on your back, head resting against one of the many pillows youâre grateful you brought in here with you. he crawls on top of you, then, caging you in with one hand either side of your head, settling with one of his knees slotted between your just-parted thighs.Â
âokay?â he asks, searching your face for any signs of discomfort or worry. he doesnât find any, though â heâs met only with a perhaps too enthusiastic nod and your hands playing at the hem of his sweatshirt. he chuckles, bending down to kiss you again, a little deeper this time, a little longer. open-mouthed and hot, swiping his tongue over your bottom lip, dropping onto one elbow so his torso lies almost flush against yours.Â
âeasy, tiger. taking care of you, right now.â
you sigh as his lips start to descend down the column of your throat, and you press your shoulders back into the blankets to try and push that little bit closer to him. one of his hands slips beneath your own shirt and his palm comes to rest flush against your hip, dragging his thumb in small circles over your skin.Â
âthis,â he mumbles into your collarbone, tugging the neckline of the garment between his teeth for a moment so you know what heâs referring to. âoff.â
âbossy,â you mumble, your body cold all of a sudden as he sits back away from you and you tug your t-shirt off over your head. as you do, he reaches behind his neck and tugs off his sweatshirt as well before he tosses it up near your head, out of the way.
now, this is certainly not the first time youâve ever been around jeonghan without anything covering his top half, but it is something that you rarely get the chance to see. if itâs not the fact that heâs chronically freezing cold, itâs because heâs grown emotionally attached to some of the baggiest tops known to mankind, or heâs worried about getting a sunburn so is still covered up at the beach. for one reason or another, this just isnât something youâre blessed to see very often, and he looks so good you almost forget that itâs him.
of course, that only lasts until he says something really fucking dumb. in other words, all of about three seconds.
âhow⌠practical,â he says, eyes trained down on the bra covering your tits. in a way, itâs probably a good thing youâve snapped back to your senses, because you once again find yourself thinking that if this were anyone else, youâd have told them to get off you and never call you again.
but why is jeonghan, of all people, criticising your choice of comfy underwear⌠weirdly endearing?
âsorry,â you grunt, making no effort to hide the (flesh-toned, full-coverage, entirely too old) bra that heâs looking at like itâs personally offending him. âdidnât expect to need to impress, tonight.â
âdonât be sorry,â jeonghan says, shaking his head as he unpops the button on your jeans and tugs them down over your hips. âjust⌠do better next time, yeah?â
you laugh so suddenly, so abruptly, so loudly that you choke on your own spit and end up coughing a little, propping up on one elbow to try and relieve the burn in your lungs as he continues to work your pants off your legs. by the time he scrunches them into a ball and puts them to the side, too, youâve managed to catch your breath, and gasp out, ânext time?â
ânext time,â he nods, making himself comfortable between your thighs. he lays one palm on the inside of each knee, pushing them as far apart as your hips will allow, before he brings one hand over your covered cunt and drags his thumb up and down your slit.
you donât even get a chance to ask why heâs so sure thereâll be a next time. he skillfully works you through the material and in seconds, has you tipping your head back into the pillows, moaning at the overwhelming feeling of finally being touched.
âso fucking wet,â he sighs, feeling your arousal through the cotton of your underwear, pressing the material between your folds. his thumb circles your clit over and over, the pressure just right â not so light that heâs teasing, not so hard that youâre squirming away from him. hell, if you knew he was this good, youâd have dragged him into bed years ago.
âcome on, hannie,â you gulp as he starts to work his thumb faster, starts to massage at your inner thigh with his other hand. âneed moreâŚâ
well, he doesnât need to be told twice. you lift your hips and he tugs your panties down your thighs, unhooking them from around your ankles. you expect him to, you know, return to business, but he does something just a little bit unhinged first and brings your soaked underwear up to his face. you hear how deeply, how loudly he inhales, the subsequent groan he gives even louder, and you swear the reason you end up bumping his hip with your knee is to bring him back to earth, because it actually feels like heâs forgotten youâre lying right there.
âiâll do it myself, in a minute,â you threaten, and jeonghan grins wickedly down at you as he lowers your panties down to join the rest of your discarded clothes.Â
âno you wonât,â he tells you â he tells you? â , finally now lying down between your legs, just inches away from your glistening cunt. âgod â as if iâd ever let that happen.â
âi swearâ â you start, half a second before one of his fingers presses against your hole. you stop talking with a gasp, a hand flying to your chest and squeezing against your tit. just like that. in a heartbeat, youâre done for.Â
he seems intent on gathering as much of your arousal on his fingertip as he possibly can, running it through your folds, pressing it inside you, smearing your slick all over and then some like a fucked-up painting. only once heâs satisfied does he finally start to work his finger in and out, pressing his lips just above where your clit is begging for his attention.
âdonât play stupid,â you chide him when he looks up at you through his lashes, eyes wide and feigning innocence. âif you can find it through my underwear, you can find it now.â
âbossy,â jeonghan tuts. âwhatâs with the rush, huh?âÂ
and he adds another finger to the first, both long and elegant and reaching spots inside you that your own physically canât. you keen against your will, hips reacting of their own accord, trying to fuck your pussy down against his hand. he makes no effort to stop you.
âmânot gonna beg,â you tell him. âjust â fuck, get your mouth on me. now.â
to his credit, he does.
and more to his credit, being eaten out has never, ever felt this good.
the hand not grasping at your chest shoots down to tangle in his long, silky hair, and jeonghan moans loudly against your pussy as he laves his tongue everywhere he can. over your clit, between your folds, slipping it inside your hole in place of his fingers â heâs relentless, slurping and groaning and finding some sort of insane stamina from somewhere deep in his soul. you swear to god, this is not the man who sometimes falls asleep with his light on because he doesnât have the energy to get up and turn them off.
within a matter of minutes, you can feel the coil in the pit of your stomach growing tighter and tighter, your walls fluttering around his fingers, your moans and whines only getting louder by the minute. your legs are shaking. your thoughts are little more than static, and him. at some point â you donât know when â, jeonghan reached around your hips to pull your thighs together and clamped them around his ears, mumbling against your clit something to the effect of to help with the thunder. (you donât mention that there hasnât actually been another thunder crack since he started making out with your pussy. it doesnât feel relevant, somehow.)
every time you tighten your thighs, every time you squirm, he hugs you tighter against his cheeks and you just end up humping against his tongue. something tells you maybe that was the plan all along?Â
sparks of energy start to prickle all over your skin as you teeter on the edge of your high. your fist tightens in jeonghanâs hair, your breaths become fewer and further between. itâs frankly a bit of a miracle youâve even managed to last this long â you held back as long as you could, determined to milk as much of the pleasure his hands and his mouth so skillfully bring as you can. just in case thereâs no next time, but⌠hell, do you hope there is.
âhannie, iâmââ you gasp, his fingers curling upwards again and resuming their earlier assault on your g-spot. âfuck, hannie, iâm so closeââ
âmm, have been for a while, huh?â he asks, drawing his mouth away from you, licking his tongue over his arousal-slickened lips. âyouâve been holding out on me.â
âyeah, but-... i wanna come so bad,â you swallow. jeonghan flicks his tongue out over your clit again and you jolt up into the touch. âplease, donât stop.â
âwonât,â he promises. and itâs the last thing he says before his lips meet your pussy again and he brings you over the edge into the most electrifying of climaxes.
by the time youâve stopped twitching with the aftershocks of your orgasm, jeonghan is sat up on his knees again, softly massaging at your hips with his thumbs. your vision is still kind of fuzzy at the edges when you glance up at him, and for a moment, with a hazy outline and an amber glow behind him owed to the flashlight you set at the entrance to the fort, you think he looks a little too much like an angel.
âwhere the hell did that come from?â you ask him, fighting against the squirming in your belly. fighting against the sensation that feels a little too much like butterflies.Â
âreally?â he asks in a breathy laugh. âthatâs-... i mean, do you actually want to know, orâŚ?â
you mull this over for a moment before crossing your arms over your eyes and concealing yourself from his view, shaking your head. one part of you is morbidly curious as to how he got so good at giving head. the other part of you is too busy trying to gather the brain cells he just sent flying across about eight different dimensions.
âi think youâve broken me, jeonghan,â you breathe, feeling more than seeing him lie down next to you again. his lips press sweetly against the curve of your shoulder. warmth radiates from that one spot, all over your body. you smile, like a complete loser.Â
whatâs worse is that you really donât mind.
âis that a yes, then?â he asks, slinging an arm over your waist. you turn your head to look at him, eyes crossing a little with how unexpectedly close he is.Â
âyes to what?âÂ
âto next time,â he says. his grin matches yours and you nod your head at him, yes. in your peripheral vision, you notice how he lifts one hand, extends his little finger. straight in front of you, you see both of his eyebrows raise.
you pinch your lips tight before hooking your own pinky through his, leaning in and pressing a short kiss to the pad of your thumb. the way you used to when you were kids. âyou really canât break those.â he used to say. âtheyâre like, triple the strengthâ.Â
saved for really important promises.
âto next time.â
thank u so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed this. as always, your likes/reblogs/comments and feedback are always deeply appreciated.<3
14.12.2023 XCSS Weibo
Hello.
This is PLEDIS Entertainment.
We would like to inform you about SEVENTEEN member S.COUPSâs current health status and his activities moving forward.
On August 10, S.COUPS sustained an injury to the left knee as he was landing while playing a ball game for a content shoot. He was immediately taken to the hospital where he underwent a comprehensive medical examination including an MRI scan. During the examination, a torn anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) was identified in the left knee.
The artist is receiving necessary medical treatment prior to the surgery as recommended by the medical staff, and will undergo surgery as soon as possible. We will provide another update on the progression of treatments and his rehabilitation schedule at a later time.
S.COUPS will be unable to participate in the majority of official activities for the foreseeable future, and will focus on his recovery through surgery and rehabilitation. We would like to extend our deepest apology to his fans for any distress or worry this may have caused.
The artist is highly determined to attend all of the groupâs prearranged engagements. However, his participation will be adjusted depending on the circumstances, placing his recovery as the top most priority as per recommendation of the medical staff.
We will do our best to aid in S.COUPSâs treatment and recovery so that he can return in full health to his fans as quickly as possible.
Thank you.
âSuffering feels religious if you do it right.â
â Chelsea Hodson, from Tonight Iâm Someone Else: Essays; The End of Longing.