Marvel Being A Terrible “Dad”

Superhero/ HotGuy-CuteGuy Au

Any similarities with mlb are mere coincidence we write it better /hj

Lovely diagram by @xmaruu11

MASTERPOST // NEXT

Mistakes Were Made

It's always Danny getting mistaken for a Wayne, and ends up getting dragged into the bats' lives. What if instead of that though Tim gets mistaken for Danny, and now has to deal with ghost stuff.

Danny, Sam, and Tucker are in Gotham because Clockwork needs them to get something, talk to Lady Gotham, or whatever reason you want. While there though the three of them end up spilt up with plans to meet up in the alley behind a coffee shop nearby in a couple hours.

Coincidentally, that is the same time Tim likes to go and get himself some coffee from that very shop.

Sam and Tucker by this time have already arrived, and are just waiting on Danny when they see Tim walking past; whom they assume is Danny. The fact that Danny is seemingly wearing different clothes from when they last saw them doesn't even concern them at all. Their friend must have just needed a disguise for something. Obviously!

Tim takes a mental note when he hears people talking in the alley, but when a voice happily calls out to someone named "Danny" he doesn't pay it anymore mind. He has a coffee that's not going to order itself after all.

The voice calls out to this Danny person once more, and the voice is much closer to him this time. Curiosity getting the better of him he stops and looks back only for a teen around his age wearing a red hat to grab his arm. The stranger is talking at him a mile a minute as he drags them back into the alley where a goth girl is waiting. A small glowing marble sits in her hand.

To help Sam, Tucker, and Danny get back to Infinite Realms, Clockwork gave them something that would open a portal wherever they are. All they need to do is throw it onto a large surface, and a portal will appear for a few seconds; enough time for all of them to enter it.

"It's about time you show up, Danny!" The girl says while looking directly at him.

Tim doesn't even have any time to react before she is throwing the glowing marble at the brick wall, and a bright green, Lazarus green, portal opens up and he is being pushed inside of it.

Just as the portal disappears behind the three of them Danny comes rushing into the alley only to see no one there, and that immediately worries him because while Tucker might have been late as well; Sam wouldn't have been.

Meanwhile, Barbara is panicking because every single tracker and electrical device on Tim has simultaneously disconnected. She knows Tim likes to frequent a certain coffee shop at this time, and pulls up all the security cameras with the building in view.

She doesn’t like what she finds, and she assumes the blurry figure that enters and exits the alley soon after will have some more concrete answers for what happened to Tim.

Billy’s Sidegig

Billy has a side gig. It’s something he’s recently cooked up as a way to get cash.

He’ll help ghosts pass on!

Now, granted, ghosts don’t carry cash, but! But, they can lead him to cash. Or food. Or safe shelter! Point is, it’s a very lucrative job. A job that Billy takes very seriously.

Female Ghost (FG):“Well, aren’t you just a dear?”

Billy: “Thank you, miss.” *takes out little notepad* “Now, can you tell me anything about yourself?”

FG: “Well, I was born in ‘09!”

Billy: “19?”

FG: “Yes, 1909. And I was a dancer when I was alive. The only thing I think I’ll need to pass on it for me to perform one last time.”

Billy: “I see, I see.” *scribbles down in notepad* “I’ll see what I can do, miss.”

Billy proceeded to get her a gig at a restaurant. It was safe to say she was floored when Billy corral her inside. She just thought the boy would gather a group of people and have her perform in front of them in the street. She didn’t think he’d get her anything professional!

Then there was a really fancy British guy. He’d been ran over by a train, and Billy could see his innards as he floated in front of him.

He wanted Billy to find a monocle. It left him digging for hours near a train track.

British Ghost (BG):“I believe it was a little further to the left.”

Billy: *digs around there*

BG: “Or was it the right…?”

Billy: *groans and digs over there*

BG: “Don’t groan at me. You are the one who decided to undertake this job, chap.”

It was three hours of searching until he found it. Thankfully, for all his trouble, the British man told him of a nice abandoned building that still had running water.

It was actually in the abandoned building that Billy got another job helping a ghost.

This time a ghost doggy.

Billy: “You want belly rubs?”

Ghost Dog: *barks and rolls over*

Billy: “Don’t mind if I do.” *tries to pet it but hands go through it*

It was through this that Billy went on an epic quest to find ectoplasm. He then dipped his hands in it and was able to eventually give the doggy belly rubs.

It passed on after giving a Billy a few licks on the cheek.

Billy didn’t get anything from the dog, but that was one of his favorite jobs ever.

Superman is trapped in a neighborhood of the Ghost Zone called the Phantom Zone. Danny isn't 100% sure how to justify getting him out.

The Observants keep saying that, per the "rules", Superman has to stay there unless he can find a way to break out on his own.

The problem is that Danny doesn't think he's gonna do that, because Superman found a boy that he apparently adopted at some point during a previous breakout attempt and isn't gonna let that kid go any time soon. And the kid is bound to the Ghost Zone.

Clockwork isn't saying anything, just looking at Danny expectantly.

Danny...

Danny has a crazy idea.

"I'm formally adopting Superman. I'm Superman's dad now, and that kid's grandpa."

"...You do not even know 'that kids' name."

"Irrelevant, my main objective here is adopting Superman. If that kid is his kid then I guess he's in for the ride too."

"To what point and purpose is this circus act, Phantom?" One of the Observants asks, sounding tired.

"I have permission to leave whenever I want, cuz I'm a denizen. If Superman is my son, and by extension that other kid is my grandson, then they have the same rights. Cuz they're denizens now."

The 'suck my dick' part of that explanation was greatly implied, and by the glares being sent his way the Observants had sensed the implication.

"You cannot adopt someone in the Infinite Realms without a higher being blessing the..."

"I approve."

Everyone turned to stare at Clockwork, who just sat there.

Smugly.

"...Very well. Superman, also known as Clark Kent, and his adoptive son, Christopher Kent, are hereby formally acknowledged as the son and grandson of Phantom, also known as Daniel James Fenton."

"Why you gotta doxx us like that?" Danny asked, voice smaller than he would have liked.

He had NOT intended to find out Superman's super secret identity.

~~~~~~

Clark had gotten sucked into the Phantom Zone, and actually managed to find Chris. But he couldn't get out, and he had to go back; his family was counting on him, the world was counting on him, and he missed everyone.

Enter, Phantom; a newer hero, a ghost that looks like a child.

Phantom adopts him and Chris both, and gets them out.

Jon is, of course, thrilled to have a little brother. Chris is cautiously happy to have a big brother.

Clark's just happy they're trying to get along.

He'd been worried Jon would be defensive or angry, but it seems to be working out.

There are other things to worry about.

For instance; Clark has, ever since the adoption, been able to see ghosts. Not a big deal, and a trade off he's willing to accept if it means getting out of the Phantom Zone and keeping Chris.

No, seeing ghosts isn't a big deal at all. (Maybe a little, he did get to see Pa again, after all. But it isn't a bad thing, is what he more means.)

What is a big deal, Clark thinks, is searching the name the eyeball people had given and finding out that Daniel James Fenton is very fucking much alive.

He really is only fifteen. It's not a ghost that looks fifteen, he is fifteen. He is a kid.

This kid lives in Amity Park, his parents are ghost hunters, and Clark would really like to know how a fifteen year old got separated from his soul and still manages to function.

Uther: You gave my wife’s sigil to a servant?!

Arthur: Ah, but he’s my favourite servant :D

Dc x Dp #38

Danny going to Gotham and being mistaken for one of the Wayne children and just rolling with it. Better yet, he uses it to try and help the ghosts.

Reporter: Mr. Wayne! Can you tell us what Wayne Industries is working on now?

Danny: Wayne Industries is currently working to annul the law that was currently enacted by the GIW.

The Waynes are all at home, curiously wondering which one of them was the one on tv, and what exactly could this act be.

Teacher: Class, we have a new student joining us today. Danny, could you tell us a little about yourself? Danny, standing up: Ugh, okay. My name is Danny Fenton. I'm from Amity Park, Illinois. I moved to Gotham with my siblings. Teacher: That's lovely, Danny. Do you have any hobbies? Danny: I like to stargaze, but it's tricky here in Gotham to see them. Teacher waiting for more: *Stare* Classroom: *stare* Danny panics as the class stares at him. I also really liked helping Dan with his experiments. Teacher: Who's Dan? Danny: He's my eldest brother. He got a job at Wayne Labs three months ago, so we moved. Classmate: What kind of experiments do you guys do? Danny: Dan's a chemist. He likes to create antidotes to various poisons or toxic substances. Last month, he made the new Anti-Fear Gass Antidote! Classmate: *scoff* Yeah, right, and I'm the tooth fairy Classroom: *laughs* Teacher: Alright, everyone, settle down. Danny, welcome to Gotham, but you should be careful with your fibs. They can be dangerous in this city. Danny: I'm not lying. Teacher: Of course not. Everyone turn to pages three and twelve in your math textbooks- Danny, please sit down. Danny: *sits* It wasn't a lie Damian: I believe you. Danny: Really? Damian: Yes, my Father signs Dan Fenton's paychecks. Danny: Oh, does he work at Wayne Labs, too? Damian: .....In a way. Would you happen to know who I am? Danny: Damian Al Ghul. I heard you tell the teacher you prefer that name. Damian: .....Yes. Your pronunciation of my last is perfect. Most people claim it's too hard. Danny shrugs: If I can learn to pronounce Obi-Wan Kenobi, I can learn how to say your last name. Most people are just rude. Damian, under his breath: Is this the rush Mother felt when she found her Beloved? Danny: What? I'm sorry I didn't catch that Damian: Do not worry about it. Merely know that you belong to me now Danny: Like a friend? Damian:.....In a way. Danny: Cool :D

Thomas: Son, I have a dark family secret I have to share with you.

Bruce nodding: I'm adopted

Thomas: That's not it.

Bruce nodding: I'm actually the biological son of Alfred and Mother, but you raised me as your own anyway.

Thomas: No

Bruce side eyeing him: You stole me from a park when I was little.

Thomas: No! Geez, you think I would pick you out of all the park kids?

Bruce: Hurtful but fair. What's the secert then?

Thomas: We stole your bother Danny from a park when he was little.

Bruce: No! Not little Danny! He likes the stars father! He was innocent!

Thomas: I know! But I couldn't stop Martha or Alfred! Oh my dear son, I have lived with shame for years! I can take it no longer!

Bruce: You must turn yourself in father. Face justice for what you've done!

Danny standing three feet away: I'm was kidnapped?

Martha: Meh, you fell through a glowing portal of death, and when everyone ran away screaming, Alfred and I just scooped you up and took you home. Thomas doesn't believe us about the portal, though, and has been trying to find your birth family for years.

Danny: Is that why he keeps asking for me to do DNA tests?

Alfred: Yes. Master Thomas fancies himself a detective.

Martha: What's so unbelievable about a glowing white-haired teenager falling from a swirling portal of death and shrinking into a few months old human baby due to his terrible injures? Storks bring babies all the time!

Alfred: I just think Master Thomas isn't as well traveled as he should be. I've seen the same protal at least five times back in London.

Teen Dad Marvel

There’s some very big leaps and logic the JL has decided at Marvel is a teen dad. Billy doesn’t even know how it happened. Let’s take a look at some pass incidents that have made them think this.

To start us off, the very first incident of this occurred when Batman, Superman, and Marvel were debating how old a kid should be before they become a sidekick.

Marvel: “I wasn’t even 12 when Junior came along.”

Supes: “I’m sorry, not even 12?”

Marvel: “Nope. And then it was about… two years or so later that he got his powers and we went on the fight crime together.

To Billy, that meant that he met Freddy when he was around eight and the other boy was nine. It when Billy was nine himself that he got his powers and then a year later, Freddy gained his.

To Superman and Batman, that sounded like somehow, in some way, Marvel had a kid at a max of 12 years old. It also sounds like that two-year-old got powers before it could probably even walk.

Batman and Supes: *sharing looks*

Supes: “I… I’m sorry?”

Marvel: “For what?”

Batman and Supes: *share another look*

Batman: “Nothing, Captain. We just hadn’t expected that you’d gone through something like that.”

Marvel: “Something like what?”

They didn’t answer Billy’s question because they assumed he was playing dumb.

The second incident that convinced the JL, or just Batman and Superman, of this, happened when both Marvel and Junior were at the Watchtower. It seemed like that day was a bad day for Junior’s leg, so Marvel offered to massage it. That how they ended up in the rec room watching Cartoon Network a little too intently as Marvel absentmindedly, massaged the leg draped across his lap.

Marvel and Junior: *watching Gumball or something and sipping juice boxes*

Junior: “How do you do that so well?”

Marvel: “Freddy, I’ve been doing this since I was like nine, obviously I’m gonna do it well.”

Junior: “Yeah, but how did you learn?”

Marvel: “You know that kooky doctor on 48th Street?”

Junior: “The one that’s not evil and turned like half his patients blue?”

Marvel: “Yeah, him, so on one of your really bad days, I got really desperate and really wanted to find a way to make it less bad. So I went to him and he gave me a masseuse book for a penny.”

Junior: “Oh… Cool. Do you still have that book?”

Marvel: “Yeah? It’s probably somewhere at the Rock.”

Supes; *listening from around a corner, clenching his heart because he finds them wholesome*

And it really was from Clark’s point of view. See, most of the JL assumed that Junior was born with a bad leg. After all, he’s supposed to be a demigod, isn’t he? He’s pretty much indestructible so they didn’t think he’d gotten that injury from someone or something. In Clark’s mind, he’s imagining a nine-year-old, itty-bitty Marvel with a baby Freddy massaging Freddy’s little baby leg because he was crying.

Also, Junior’s real name is Freddy? Also, Marvel was NINE when he had him??? Wait, but then how old is Marvel now? Also how old is Junior??

Supes never got an answer to these questions because he was too chicken to bring up the topic.

The third incident came from Mary and Marvel who were also at the Watchtower when this happened. The two were baking cookies together, one of the usual father-daughter activities the JL have seen them do. Specifically, they were making dark chocolate bat-shaped cookies for Batman, on the request of Robin. When Bruce found out about this, he went to go tell them to stop because he really didn’t need the cookies even if they were absolutely delicious.

That’s how he overheard their conversation.

Mary: “Do you remember mom?”

Marvel: “Uh…” *thinking* “Nope, I got nothing.”

Mary: “How?”

Marvel: “Because the last time I saw them, I was eight years old, Mary? You were too.” *whisking something in a bowl*

Bruce took that as Marvel leaving home, at a concerningly young age, for whatever reason and eventually taking Mary to see her grandparents when she was around the age he left. Either that, or he left, and took her back to visit her grandparents when she was two-years-old.

Mary: “Yeah, but I had amnesia. What’s your excuse?”

Marvel: “I was eight?” *hands her the whisk so she can lick it*

It was this incident, and the two others that shaped this idea of teen dad Marvel. Thus, using the combined brain cells of both Batman and Superman, the two came to a conclusion: for some reason, Marvel left home, during the time he left he somehow got someone pregnant and that resulted in Mary and Junior.

Either that, or he just found them on the side of the road, though, the first theory is more believable. The only problem being their ages.

If only they could find their mother… maybe she’d be willing to spill.

here i am, normal as the day, only to double-take from arthur’s choice of words here

He doesn’t say “no man is worth crying over.”

He says, “no man is worth your tears.”

Your tears. Your pain, Merlin. No one is ever worth a single drop of sadness from your beautiful eyes.

Not even me.