Hey Vita!! Really Like Your Posts And REALLY Want To Know What Are You Hiding Away From Us About Wendy

a short messy unfinished benrietta uhhh thing that i wrote at night idk if there are many enjoyers. cw underage smoking!!

***

Bebe takes a deep drag on a cigarette, coughing and blinking away the tears in her eyes. Despite what she had said to Goth kids, she wasn’t actually really used to smoking, and now, with a bit of a shame, a delusional thought flashes in her head – Henrietta is probably laughing internally at Bebe's attempts to mimic their lifestyle. Nevertheless, Stevens quickly gets rid of it, angrily shaking her head.

She feels disgusted to realize that the desire to please and satisfy everyone around her is put so deeply into the subcortex of her brain that she can’t let herself relax even now, in the passenger seat of Mrs. Biggle's old car, in the very suburbs of South Park — in the place where no one could even see her. Except Henrietta, of course. But Bebe mercilessly cuts off this thought, because she wouldn’t try so hard to look good just for Henrietta – she is almost sure of that.

She takes a drag on a bitter menthol cigarette, holding the smoke in her lungs for a couple of seconds. Then she blows the smoke, imagining all of her obsessive thoughts and troubles coming out of her body as well. Her head feels pleasantly empty, and she giggles, leaning back in the seat and lazily looking around the neighborhood through the mud-stained broken car window.

Shithole. South Park was just a one huge shithole, a cage in which she lived all her life, and from which she desperately wanted to be free. What exactly she meant by "freedom", Bebe wasn’t really able to explain, so she usually stuck to safe "Denver" — that’s where she wanted to move after finishing high school.

Bebe chuckles and shares out loud her ideas about moving out of their town. To her surprise, Henrietta's hoarse voice sounds completely uninspired, even bored:

“Denver is just the same dump. I don't want to move, it's conformist”.

Bebe frowns, raises herself on her elbows and carefully examines the serene expression of her friend's face. She is leaning back in the driver's seat, with her eyes closed and a lit cigarette between her fingers.

Bebe squints, noticing the mascara that has carelessly smeared in the corners of Henrietta's eyes, and suppresses the desire to move closer and fix her makeup. Instead, she follows Henrietta’s example and closes her eyes, accidentally poking a cigarette into her cheek and squealing shortly in surprise.

"You shouldn't move either, by the way. You'll go wild as soon as you get out of of your parents’ control, and then you'll just hate yourself. That’s how it happens to girls like you," Henrietta says disinterestedly.

Bebe listens to her voice, monotonous, hoarse from smoking, and does not know if she even should be offended by the harsh words if they are said in such an incredibly beautiful voice. For some reason, her heart is speeding up its pace, and she can only hope that it's out of anger.

“Well, maybe I need to go wild? It's not easy to always be perfect, you know!” Bebe replies, wrinkling her nose capriciously.

“And who told you you’re perfect?” Henrietta asks, raising her eyebrows slightly in surprise, as if she did not expect such words from herself.

Bebe gasps with indignation, and makes an attempt to defend herself:

“Well, everyone knows that”.

And indeed. A constant. A strange hierarchy among the girls in the second grade put Bebe to the other "popular" girls – Bebe doesn’t remember exactly why, though. Maybe because she had the most beautiful pink bows in the whole class, or maybe because she was pretty confident while talking to the boys, or some similar stupid childish reason. Back then, in elementary school, everything was much simpler, and Bebe didn't even have to try to be liked by people – everything was already decided for her by her cute blonde curls, which all the boys in the class were crazy about.

Now she wastes hours of her life on skin care, good (but not perfect, so as not to become a “nerd”) grades and shopping with girlfriends.

She didn't know what would happen if she did go down the social ladder at school, but she preferred not to think about it too much. Several times she was already close to it, but quickly redeemed her reputation every time.

Now she felt like she was walking on the edge, looking into the abyss at the very bottom of the hierarchy they had invented, balancing dangerously. For example, because now, instead of having fun at Wendy's birthday party, she is sitting with Henrietta in an ancient car in the poorest neighbourhood of their town and smoking the third cigarette.

Bebe thinks for a second where Henrietta would be on this so called social ladder, and then realises that she probably doesn't fit into this system at all, standing somewhere aside alone and muttering something about pathetic conformists. She feels a sharp pang of envy in her heart. She wished she could just not care about her social status too.

Henrietta's voice pulls her out of the abyss of her thoughts – Bebe has clearly been thinking too much lately – and Stevens is surprised to notice in it emotions that she could not read yet. So far, she couldn't read Henrietta at all.

“Well, I don't argue with the fact that you are beautiful and convenient, but perfect?” Henrietta winces expressively, and Bebe suddenly feels as if she's been punched in the gut.

“If you’re just gonna insult me for no reason, I’m leaving,” Bebe warns, frowning. She can’t help but feel offended, even though she has no idea why she wants to be liked by Henrietta so bad.

“Those are not insults, they’re facts. Grass is green, sky is blue, and you are deeply unhappy because you try to fit into society’s standards”. Henrietta shrugs casually, as if she didn’t just destroy Bebe’s understanding of her own life.

“At least I’m accepted into society and people don’t call me a fucking freak and weirdo!” Bebe murmurs angrily.

“Was that supposed to be offensive?” Henrietta chuckles, inhaling smoke again.

stan marsh sees two guys literally just standing next to each other and be like “oh wow is this another reason to doubt my sexuality?”

more creekenny moments if there are any enjoyers

kenny: (Tweeeek, your boyfriend’s being a dick again, tell him to shut the fuck up.)

tweek: It’s our boyfriend, Kenny. Tell him yourself.

kenny: (Omg wait, you wanna do it together?)

tweek: Why do you even ask?

tweek & kenny, in sync, holding hands lovingly: Craig, would you shut the fuck up?

craig, emotionlessly: Fuck you, guys🖕.

clyde next to them, in tears: Romance is alive.

i, personally, am not really into stan getting into kyman’s way and trying to stop them from dating, but it seems to be one of the most popular trope for stan in kyman fics. and although i can see the appeal, i prefer another option.

please think about stan who’s actually helping kyman to get together.

so cartman has a big and (as he thinks) unrequited crush on kyle, and he decides that the fastest and most effective way to win kyle’s heart is to get stan’s support since stan and kyle are the best friends. and if you have stan by your side, you can say that half of work here is done.

and as a professional manipulator cartman convinces stan into helping him – he plays the “i’m on my meds & went through therapy” card, he says that stan is the one who gotta understand how broken heart and unmutual feeling hurt, that it’s almost their prom and cartman doesn’t have enough time to hit on kyle properly – and who knows, maybe they won’t even be in touch after kyle enters the university, so cartman has only one chance. he swears on his life he’s never gonna hurt kyle, and he flatters stan by saying he always hated him the least out of all the boys.

and stan as a hopeless romantic and sucker for stories with unmutual crushes finally gives in agreeing to help cartman. bonus if wendy is totally into this idea because a) it’d be amusing to watch them having their drama; b) she supports gay rights and wrongs; c) she think that kyle would be like a good influence for cartman and could “fix him” (my girl has never been so wrong in her entire life)

so they all start a whole new project for making kyle consider cartman as a proper romantic partner.

cartman: Okay. You have to invite him to the cinema BUT you will dump him at the very last minute so he’ll have to go there with me. What movie should we choose?

stan: Uhhh… There’s a new DC movie?

cartman: DUDE! Even I know he’s more of a Marvel fan.

stan: Well, I’m- I’m not supposed to memorize his preferences by heart, you know!

cartman: You’re his best friend?????

btw stanman and candy bonding over there :333

so wendy and stan help him to plan the whole dates, but the minor problem is that they have veeery different understanding of the romance.

wendy: The best way to win his heart and make some obvious hints is to take him out for a romantic dinner in the restaurant!

stan: No way, Kyle’ll hate that! Take him for a basketball game, he loves basketball.

cartman: …Can’t I just invite him to watch “The passion”?

wendy&stan, indignantly: CARTMAN!

cartman: What? It’s symbolic!

so they end up convincing him that kyle is never gonna like cartman if he doesn’t hide his true self, so he has to pretend a lot. he hates this idea, but eventually agrees and starts faking his behaviour being all nice, polite and kind-hearted, but every time their dates become a mess. and kyle seems to react veeery negatively, because even though he thought he wanted cartman to change, and he’s supposed to be happy that cartman is finally acting like a decent normal person – deep down he can’t get rid of this vague feeling that something is wrong, that he’s faking. and it irritates him so much he gets more and more angry and yells at cartman almost every time, even though there are no visible reasons for that.

and one day cartman just freaks out because he’s tired of faking, and if kyle doesn’t like the real cartman, than fuck him. and he finally asks him out the way he truly wanted – with mean jokes, rude behaviour, they just go to kfc and then sit at home watching dumb horror movies in cartman’s bedroom. and that was the first time they kissed – the first time in a long time when kyle saw cartman’s real self. and oh boy did he missed it.

kyle and wendy being just regular friends or rivals and not liking each other sure is fun but imagine them bonding over their lovehate to cartman. imagine cartman having to fight them both. this brosistp has SO much comedy potential.

okay so since the Cupid Ye was aired i’ve been constantly thinking about cartman’s mental condition. we know he’s probably taking medication now, so i hc him having antisocial personality disorder and bipolar disorder. and i’ve been imagining him having his depression episode for the first time after he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. he’s not used to it, he has no idea what’s going on and why he suddenly feels so tired and numb all the time, so he just stays at home skipping school and avoiding social contacts. he’s scared and the “it’s all because of your illness, poopsikins!” from his mother doesn’t help at all.

and sooo i wrote a short moment about this?? i’m sorry for any mistakes because it was originally written in my native language, not in english :(

***

Ever since early childhood it was clear and obvious to everyone that Eric Cartman had problems. Not even like that, Kyle corrected himself in his thoughts. Eric Cartman had Problems. Sociopathy, sadism, aggression – all that a person could notice in Cartman after only half an hour of communication.

And Kyle wasn't too surprised when bipolar disorder was added to all of the above in a sloppy psychiatrist’s handwriting.

By the time Cartman was finally diagnosed he had already gone through several phases of mania. Kyle even did a little research on the disorder. "To know what to prepare for the next time I meet this psycho," he told Stan. "And to know how to help him if necessary," he added silently to himself.

By the age of fifteen, Stan's company was already used to Cartman's regular explosive mood swings, which were accompanied by crazy ideas, aggressive behavior, and, if absolutely unlucky, deaths of a couple or more people.

It was typical: after a short break, Cartman would burst into Kyle's room (often through the window), start showering him with business plans, startup ideas, and opportunities to have extreme fun. Kyle was silent, trying his best to ignore him and frowning irritably when Cartman smiled ecstatically and rushed to Kyle, tugging at his sleeve and almost shouting that everything would be better this time and that it’s a one hundred percent successful scheme.

For some time Broflovski genuinely believed that everyone in their friends group was going through such tortures, but after a short questioning, he found out that they had not seen Eric's mania with their own eyes. Kyle understood — and they won’t, when Cartman just chuckled at the outraged "What the fuck, Fatass?" and replied, "I guess you're just special, Kahl. They wouldn't understand." His eyes flashed especially maliciously, and Kyle looked away hastily so as not to give Cartman the opportunity to start another fight.

Well, all in all, no one's world collapsed when Cartman was diagnosed with a new mental illness. Over the past months of insane hallucinations and obsessive intrusive thoughts, he managed to make everyone sick of him. He refused to go to the therapy sessions for a long time, shouting, running away and trying to get into a fight, and Liane was too afraid to find out another unpleasant truth about her son, preferring to go with the flow and shut him up with the fulfillment of every single of his whims. Kyle doubts that anyone would have done anything to help Cartman if he hadn't intervened. Why – it was unclear to Broflovski himself, but Cartman's first depressive phase hit them both unexpectedly too hard.

Disappearing from everyone’s sight for two weeks, Cartman ignored calls and messages (although Kyle had a serious doubt that anyone other than Butters and Broflovski himself texted him) and skipped school despite Mr. Harrison's threats of expulsion.

Liane avoided answering questions, pursing her lips in frustration and talking her way out with a trivial "He's sick." Kyle didn't believe a damn second, knowing that if Cartman was sick, Kyle would have known about it the very first. Something was wrong. For some reason, the desire to find out what exactly was much stronger than it should have been when it came to Eric Cartman.

***

Perhaps Kyle really shouldn't have worried so much — not to the point of climbing into Eric's window at night. But the Cartmans hadn't opened the front door all day, and by that time Kyle's nerves were so stretched that they threatened to break if he didn't get answers to his questions in the next few minutes. Disturbing thoughts and images of possible turn of events appeared in his head. Perhaps Cartman was dead? Or, on the contrary, has killed someone and had been dissolving dismembered body of his victim for two weeks? One option was no better than the other, but nothing was even close to what he saw in Eric's bedroom.

Haggard, seven kilograms thinner, with an unhealthy skin color and bags under his eyes, he looked painfully wrong, not Cartman-like. He didn’t look exactly ill — more like lifelessly tired. But that wasn't even what hit Kyle so hard.

He did not suspect how much had been hidden in Cartman's eyes before – lively fire, hatred, anger, enthusiasm, passion – all this was gone, dissolved, buried under this empty, dead, unblinking gaze. For a second Kyle even thought (hoped?) that he was really dead, but the heaving chest under the blanket and almost inaudible sound of breathing exposed life in Cartman. He was lying on his back, his head slowly turned towards the window. Kyle sought recognition on his face, but did not see a single shade of any emotions.

He froze in the window, making eye contact with Eric, feeling like he saw something he shouldn't have. He tried to revive the old familiar hatred that usually boiled in him as soon as their eyes met, but Cartman’s emptiness totally killed all the anger. Kyle climbed through the window – Cartman didn't react in any way, lazily closing his eyes – and walked up to the bed, touching his shoulder timidly.

“Hey, Cartman?” he said, shuddering at the way his voice echoed throughout the bedroom. Cartman didn’t open his eyes but smiled hardly visibly.

“Hey, jew”. His voice was empty and emotionless and Kyle pursed his lips with a bit of a pain.

“You need to see a doctor, Cartman”, he said firmly as Eric finally opened one eye disinterestedly. “I’ll help you. I promise”.

And he did.

psst is it okay if I ask for some stutters headcanons that u have? need inspo and I get a lot of it from this blog <3

OMG SURE!!! THANKS!!!

mannn stutters is my second otp and i have so many thoughts on them!

first of all, this whole ship is about contrasts. the popular kid x weird kid, the generally normal x the fucked up, the one who tries to be straight so badly x the one who is obviously fruity, and so on, so on…

and i’ll write a whole post abt them and their dynamic a bit later, so for now here are some little headcanons

• stan is always the one to invite butters to hang out with their friends’ group. he’ll never admit it to kyle or cartman but he genuinely likes having butters around, and he’s the only one who feels that butters is an essential part of their group. while others may forget him all the time, stan is the only one to constantly keep butters in mind all the time, especially when they grow older.

• stan actually sees butters as the “light spot” in his life. he knows that butters is messed up and has a lot of mental issues, but the way butters is always so naïve and, well, not spoiled yet just makes stan, who is pretty cynical, want to care for him more. (remember the pandemic specials where they went to make a stuffed toy or smth? stan was self-projecting, of course, but i do believe he still cared about butters while doing all this)

• stan feels that butters is the only one who could relate to his sexuality crisis, somehow. he wouldn’t make fun of him or act aggressive, he’d just simply accepted the fact that, well, stan might be bi, and he wouldn’t make a big deal about it.

• they share the same taste in media. they listen to similar groups, they watch the same shows, and they both have this eternal love for music. sometimes they play their guitars together, and butters is the first one to be allowed to hear stan’s own music when they are teens.

• stan mostly doesn’t have any respect for his father, while butters is terrified of his, so stan helps butters with actually standing up for himself in front of his parents. sometimes (as teens) they can run away from their parents, the farm, the punishments and all their friends for a day, and just sit calmly next to each other and enjoy a free day

idk if thats enough, i’ll probably add smth more later!!!! hope i helped <3!!

there’s something i’d like to share, and it’s this headcanon.

like. i have a whole kyman & weidi au about post-s21 heidi who’s trying to recover from her relationship with cartman and become the same kind, innocent and happy girl she was before. some of her friends (mostly wendy who hated heidi’s guts while her “cartman’s gf” arc but is actually quite caring and helpful for heidi seeing how she’s really willing to change) told her that in order to finally move on she has to apologise to kyle. she was feeling really guilty ‘cause of her behaviour… you know, telling kyle that antisemitic shit cartman has taught her and dumping him in s21e7. she never apologised to him properly and now she wanted to make a change.

so the au basically starts long time after heiman’s final breakup, when heidi finally has some strength to actually come up to kyle and apologise to him:

heidi: Hey, Kyle?

kyle, raising an eyebrow in surprise: Oh… Heidi?… I, um, didn’t expect to see you.

heidi: That’s… understandable. Listen, I just wanted to talk to you about something important. You’re not busy, are you?

kyle, looking back at kenny: No, no. Kenny, don’t you mind going to the class by yourself? I’ll talk to you later.

kenny, grinning and winking mockingly: (Sure, guys, take your time!)

kyle: …So, um, what did you want to discuss? Is it something about school?

heidi: No, no, it’s not. I, uh, I wanted to apologise to you. For how I acted before. You know, you really didn’t deserve this, Kyle. I was so mean to you when all you wanted was to make me feel better. It’s just… When I said all those horrible things that night, and when I made fun of you with Eri… with Cartman… I know you must hate me now, because I would hate me too if I were you. After all that time I spent feeling sorry for myself, making myself a victim instead of taking responsibility for my actions… I just wanted to let you know that I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was an awful person and I’m trying to change now.

kyle: Oh, wow. That’s nice to hear, but, Heidi, I never really hated you. I mean, you were dating Cartman, it’s only natural he spoiled and confused you and made you feel so much hatred and anger inside. I understand it and I really appreciate that you’re recovering now. Thanks for apologising!

heidi: You’re… you really are nice. No wonder he talked about you all the time, huh. …Well, um. I really have to go, but maybe if you don’t mind we could chat later. I’d really like to talk to you more.

kyle: Sure, Heidi! Maybe we can even hang out like friends, you know?

heidi, smiling brightly: Wow, that’d be great! Thanks again, Kyle! I’ll see you later then, I guess?

kyle: Yeah, see you, Heidi! It was nice talking to you!

and then kyle returns to kenny, who’s smiling knowingly and making inappropriate jokes:

kenny: So, how was it?

kyle: How was what?

kenny: Flirting with Cartman’s ex?

kyle: I didn’t flirt with her! She just apologised to me and told me she’d like to hang out sometimes.

kenny: U-huh, sure, dude. And that doesn’t seem kinda flirty to you?

kyle: I’m serious! It’s over, I dont feel anything for her and neither does she.

kenny: You kidding me? She was obviously hitting on you, Kyle! Oh, man, Cartman will be pissed off when he finds out!

kyle: You will not tell Cartman about this. And stop making this a big deal, get your own life already!

and the satisfaction and joy of finally getting a proper apology soon were replaced with irritation ‘cause kyle started to overthink things like he usually does. he started to think about heidi possibly having feelings for him while he really couldn’t feel the same so it kinda scared him. he didn’t want to hurt her or something by rejecting her, so he mostly tried to avoid her and acted really nervous around her. she tried to get closer with him, chat and something like that, but he only blushed and stuttered.

wendy having seen their interactions was quite annoyed. she wrongly assumed kyle had a crush on heidi and noticed with irritation that “this jerk can’t hide his feelings. he acts too much like he has something for you, heidi”. and heidi started to overthink too, ‘cause she really didn’t feel anything special for kyle and the possibility of having to reject him and break his heart again was just painful. so she started to avoid kyle too (‘cause they’re both stupid when it comes to dealing with other people’s emotions), making him even more convinced in her crushing on him.

so basically they avoid each other for like… at least a month before they finally have the talk.

kyle: Wait, Heidi!

heidi: Oh… hello, Kyle.

kyle: Heidi, listen to me carefully, I really need to tell you something. You’re a nice girl and I really, really like you–

heidi: (Oh, no…)

kyle: But I just can’t feel the same. I didn’t want to break your heart but Stan told me it’s only worse that I am giving you false hope, so, yeah… I am sorry, Heidi, you really are amazing, it’s just… uh…

heidi: Wait, what?

kyle: Please, just don’t start crying–

heidi: But you’re the one who’s in love with me! I was afraid to break your heart!

kyle: What? No, that’s nonsense! Kenny told me you were hitting on me.

heidi: Wendy told me you were hitting on me!

kyle: …So, wait, we don’t feel anything for each other?

heidi: I… guess so?

kyle: That’s… that’s a relief. I was so worried you’d be heartbroken.

heidi: Yeah, me too actually! But now we can hang out normally, without feeling awkward, right?

kyle, smiling: Sure we can!

and they really start to hang out and, moreover, i can see them becoming more like besties, you know… they hang out all the time and turns out they share a lot of hobbies together: they’re both history nerds, for example! but the main reason why they’re so similar is probably because they both suffer from sexuality crisis and internalised homophobia. they sure are gay & lesbian solidarity, huh. i’ve written a few words about heidi understanding she’s a lesbian here.

and we’re coming to a kyman part of story, because cartman is pissed off to see his ex and kyle getting along so well. everyone around him thinks it’s ‘cause he’s jealous and can’t just let heidi go, but the actual reason why he’s so frustrated is because of kyle spending so much time with a girl, lmao. he actually doesn’t really care about heidi anymore – though they are in fact kind of passively aggressive towards each other – but everyone else thinks otherwise. wendy gets really, really annoyed when cartman says something unpleasant about heidi and kyle spending their weekend together:

wendy: Will you stop bugging Heidi? She’s moved on, Cartman, get your own life and grow up already!

cartman, genuinely confused: Who the fuck cares about Heidi???

but not only wendy – kyle is the most surprised to see cartman getting so frustrated ‘cause of their friendship. he even tries to fight cartman after another unasked comment, genuinely not understanding why cartman is still so obsessed with him and heidi being friends (so oblivious lmao):

kyle: You said you don’t fucking care about Heidi anymore!!

cartman: I don’t!!!

kyle: Then why do you still go crazy when she spends her time with me?

cartman: …I’m just genuinely concerned for the poor girl. She has a risk of infection with jewish disease or something.

kyle: There’s no such thing as jewish disease, Fatass!!

and they continue arguing but cartman is distracted ‘cause he’s confused as hell and he keeps thinking why tf do i care and why do i hate seeing kyle with someone else wtf wtf wtf

and there’s like these scenes where cartman sneaks into kyle’s house and shows up at kyle’s room and then he sees kyle and heidi sitting on a bed together and laughing loudly at some nerdy documentary movie, and cartman gets all jelly and he glares at heidi like:

cartman: What is she doing here?

kyle: She’s watching a documentary with me. What are you doing in my room, Fatass?

so yeah basically that’s a slowburn about kyman and weidi and i can see candy&keidi brosistp so clearly.

TL;DR kyle is a confused homosexual heidi is a confused lesbian and they’re both oblivious af about their crushes :D

heyyyy !!! i saw a person asking me about my other sp otps (yep thats surprising but kyman is not my only pairing hehe) sooo ive done this

btw i absolutely can’t draw so i’m sorry for how ugly it may look

i also love stenny, clybe, bebe/red, steek, kytters, clenny and staig a lot!!!

also this kinda looks like a template so i’ll leave it here under the cut

and aww @bloogers-boogers thanks a lot for asking!!!!! also wanted to say that your choice of otps is sooooo great like rlly i dont see enough ppl liking ships like jimthan or kenman!! and our taste is a bit similar because YEPPP KYMAN CANDY AND JIMTHAN SHARING (almost) THE SAME DYNAMIC IS SO TRUE!!!

i like to think that every time cartman agrees with kyle on something, kyle gets really confused and subconsciously waits for cartman to start an argument so it goes like

kyle: …Yes, so that’s what I think.

cartman: Cool, I think so too.

kyle: What?

cartman: What?

kyle: Aren’t you gonna argue?…

cartman: Why would I? Your point sounds reasonable.

kyle: No, wait, that’s… that feels kinda weird. What about the part when I said that I formed my opinion based on that one research? Aren’t you gonna check it to see if I didn’t make it up by myself?…

cartman: Wtf, Kyle, you want me to argue with you??

kyle: No, I don’t! …But maybe you should check the last fact I talked about, now that I think about it, the source doesn’t seem very reliable.

cartman: ???????