you say it's my villain era and what you mean is that when you were six you panicked about wearing the right thing to kindergarten, what you mean is that in middle school nobody was eating, what you mean is that you spent high school prepping for college and college prepping for adulthood and adulthood fucking lost in the system.
what you mean is that you've been good. you were a good team player. you would have never considered yourself perfectionist - those are people more popular, prettier, more successful - but you carry any flaw like a secret in you, terrified someone will desert you for the simple reality of your personhood.
if you were good you could be loved. you could be loved if you were selfless and thoughtful and caring. if you bent over for every person, if you went above-and-beyond, it would absolve you of who you actually were. deep down, how horrible that you had needs. that you had boundaries, that you had desires. you learned young that you cannot afford to cut people out of your life - you would have nothing left. it is better to live in the service of others, to supplicate. to worship. you weren't exceptional, you had to make up for it in some way. to prove to others you were worthy.
if they need you, it's the same thing as loving you. if you are always-there, always-listening, always-friendly, you are filling a role. you have a purpose. you are living correctly.
villain era, you repeat. you mean: yesterday you finally told a man no. for hours afterwards, you couldn't control your heartbeat. you mean: you've been saying positive affirmations on repeat, trying to teach yourself any new thing about how self care is necessary. you mean: three weeks ago, due to a scheduling conflict, you finally told a coworker that no, you couldn't do them a "quick favor". you have felt bad about that ever since. sure, it would have made you work late and it would have been extra stress - but you feel bad about it nevertheless.
you tell your therapist you have been leaning into evil. she asks what that means. when you tell her: sometimes i prioritize my own needs, she doesn't find it funny. she looks at you a long time.
"and that's evil?" she clarifies.
"well," you say. "feels evil to me."
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thought why not, i have an exam tomorrow :33
Never give up
, my little girl is suffering from seizures, her condition is very difficult and she is having trouble breathing, and he needs your help,😔
please don't leave me alone.🙏🙏
You are my only hope to help me save my little son so that I can travel and treat my son. Please don't leave my child alone and donate what you can You are our only hope🙏🤲
https://gofund.me/f8b4915c
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Children are living the most difficult times in this difficult environment. Please support, participate and donate.🍉😭
a photo taken for my sister wh has been suffering lots of chronic disease, specifically Spinal Muscular Atrophy ( SMA).
please help my family move to safety and peace till these black days end.
https://gofund.me/fe3cd6dc
Once more for those in the back.
🍉Data sources under the cut🍉
John Boyega at Hyde Park demonstration #BlackLivesMattter
. Short stories, prompts, rantings, fandoms, OTPs , blah blah blah Critics are welcomed, it helps me improve. Requests are greatly appreciated. I'm a female bisexual aspiring writer and hv no problem with people wanting to chat.
292 posts