Hecrtgolden - YOU'RE SO GOLDEN!

“Madness as a defense against terror. Madness as a defense against grief.”

— Susan Sontag, from As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh: Journals and Notebooks 1964-1980

‘‘ nah, not a chance . ’’ Sammy responds, head shaking knowingly as he lights up the cigarette between his teeth ‘‘ my moneys on some group of teen fuckwitts who came up with this masterplan during some underage drinking game - not two braincells to rub together between ‘em i bet. ’’

𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐔𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 with slight amusement. sure, whoever was doing this was some sick fuck, that is if it wasn't some bored highschooler that got a hold of the area codes. rolling her eyes, phone locks. ❛ hundred dollars that it's some computer geek in highschool ! ❜

| 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑 | 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐜.

#mood

(   Kathryn Newton   +  cis  woman  +  she  /  her  )     🠒     john  hughes  movie   by   maisie  peters   is  something  that  resonates  with   matilda  yaxley.  the  shop  assistant  at  record  this!  record  shop  is  glen  ellen's  very  own   broken  bird,   who  has  been  in  town  for  twenty  years  and  while  they  are  only  twenty  five,    they  can  be  very   naive    but  if  their  friends  mentioned  them,    you'd  think  they  were  more  benevolent.   in  a  town  where  every  one  knows  everyone,    it's  hard  to  keep  a  secret,     but  i  think  the  killer  knows  that  [  redacted  ],     and  it's  bound  to  get  out  sometime  soon.   i  wonder  if  the  killer  also  thinks  of   symptomatic  by  peach  prc,     butterfly  clips,     always  chipped  nail  polish,     glitter  eyeshadow,     handmade  bracelets,     smudged  mascara,     bruised  lips   like  i  do,    when  i  think  of  them.

full name — matilda yaxley nickname(s) — tilly, tilda, millie. name meaning — battle mighty age — twenty five date of birth — march 19 place of birth — fresno, california current location — glen ellen, california, us gender — cis-woman pronouns — she/her sexual orientation — heterosexual religion — agnostic occupation — assistant at record this ! record shop education level — high school family — louise yaxley ( mother, deceased ) , daniel jones ( father ) , evie yaxley ( maternal grandmother, deceased ) , jose yaxley ( maternal grandfather )  finances — working class  spoken languages — English

medical diagnosis’ — post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, pyrophobia 

Inspired by : NELL CRAIN (THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE), JANE EYRE (JANE EYRE), JO & AMY MARCH (LITTLE WOMEN), SCOUT FINCH (TO KILL A MOCKING BIRD), ELIZA DOOLITTLE (MY FAIR LADY)

TW for abuse, fire, stalking, Metal health

- Matilda was the only child born to louise and daniel, although she always craved for more. In her earliest years she begged for a sibling. She said silent prayers to a god she didn’t believe it and whispered it into Santas ear when december rolled around. She never got a sibling, no, instead her parents separated. 

- two houses, two homes, two kitchens, two phones. two birthdays, two christmases. it was FINE, but it made her sad. She wished so deeply for a nuclear family. Instead she got awkward handovers where her dad will rip her from her mothers arms and moan that she was a BITCH. 

- When Matilda was seven, her life was flipped on its head in the worst way. The divorced was being finalised and as a result, her Dad set fire to the home where she and her mother slept. He was the first on the scene, the first to pull his only child, terrified and screaming, from the burning building - ‘the heroic dad ’ the headlines went mad ‘ hero dad braves flames to save daughter ! ’. 

- It didn’t take long for his plan to foil though. The police were onto him from the get go. They just needed evidence. They watched him carefully, allowing him to lap up the glory like a dehydrated dog. Five weeks after the event, he was arrested on suspicion of pre medicated murder, malicious arson and endangering the life or health of a child. He lost custody of Matilda and she was sent to live with her ageing grandparents.

- her grandfather was already living in a care home when she moved in, the dementia had set in some years prior, and her grandmother had said she was grateful he would never know the weight of grief over their daughter. They visited him three times a week, and life with her grandparents was slow but comfortable. 

- five years later, when Matilda was almost thirteen, her father was released due to a lack of evidence. He was not allowed contact with his daughter until she was 18 and could make the decision herself, but he was still always there. she could feel his eyes watching from afar. 

- When she was eighteen he became persistant. He would show up at her school, at the house, on street corners. Begging for her attention, and when she refused he would throw out threats to her life and her grandmothers life. 

- Several months ago Matilda lost her grandmother and with that the home she lived in. She has been living with friends (sofas mostly). He is still everywhere. He comes to the record shop often, and even though he’s barred now he stands outside and waits for her.

- Still, she is almost naive ( it’s probably the trauma ! ). She has the sweetest most kind heart in the world . Queen of ‘it’s fine ! I’m okay ! How are you ? Do you need anything ? Tea ? Coffee ? A hug ? Oh no I’m not projecting I’m fine !’ 

#me trying to run from my problems

his dark materials – “the botanic garden”

if u call me baby in that soft voice i’ll do whatever u want me to do

&. 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  various  fluffy  dialogue  prompts  so  soft,  so  sweet,  just  for  you!  )

❛ i just wanted to make sure you’re okay. ❜

❛ there it is, there’s that smile! ❜

❛ you got me flowers? ❜

❛ i’m not afraid of you. ❜

❛ aw, did you miss me? ❜

❛ you’re lucky that you’re cute. ❜

❛ wait, you think i’m cute? ❜

❛ you’re not alone. you never were. ❜

❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜

❛ good morning, sleeping beauty. ❜

❛ it’s better with you here. ❜

❛ don’t worry, i’m staying right here. ❜

❛ you’re welcome to stay, if you want. ❜

❛ don’t be a stranger, okay? ❜

❛ i haven’t laughed like this in a long time. ❜

❛ hold still. this might sting a little. ❜

❛ you can hold my hand, if you want. ❜

❛ i knew you would be here. ❜

❛ i just wanted to say thank you for protecting me. ❜

❛ before you do anything, try this and tell me what you think. ❜

❛ wow i really can’t speak, huh? must be because of how pretty you look. ❜

❛ we can order pizza, watch a movie, whatever you want. ❜

❛ what, am i not allowed to look at you? ❜

❛ i’m not giving up on you. ❜

❛ is that my shirt? ❜

❛ this is a good look for you. ❜

❛ pinky promise? ❜

❛ c’mere, you. ❜

❛ honey, i’m home! ❜

❛ you remembered? ❜

❛ you’re my family too. ❜

❛ let’s go somewhere, just you and me. ❜

❛ i’m here for you. don’t forget that. ❜

❛ you’re the only thing that matters. ❜

❛ was that your first kiss? ❜

❛ i was worried something happened to you. ❜

❛ your heart is beating so fast right now. ❜

❛ relationships are built on trust, and i trust you. ❜

❛ you always see the good in people. even me. ❜

❛ do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are? ❜

❛ nope, puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work this time! ❜

❛ thanks to you, i know what it means to love again. ❜

❛ how about a kiss before i go? ❜

❛ i’m just glad you’re okay. ❜

❛ here we are, home sweet home. ❜

❛ thanks for being here with me. ❜

❛ seeing you happy is all that matters. ❜

❛ keep it. it looks better on you. ❜

❛ i couldn’t stop missing you if i tried. ❜

❛ you feel like home to me. ❜

matilda is sitting on the floor behind the counter, trying to eat a sandwich as quickly as possible. They’re now ‘ down a staff member ’, so she’s doing a shift ALONE for the first time. It is an odd feeling, and she’s trying to keep herself busy as to not focus on or feel the overwhelming grief that comes with loosing a friend. The sound of the door takes her by surprise - of course, their first customer of the day is going to come while she’s trying to have lunch - and she quickly wraps it up before the familiar voice echoes through the shop. She stands up quickly, a smile forced across her features. ‘‘ good afternoon, darling boy ! ’’ its bright, it has to be. ‘‘ i mean, you’re welcome to still do so if you wish, i’ll just close my eyes. ’’

DESPITE LACKING EMPLOYMENT THERE , the record shop would be one of the first places anyone who knew nickie would look , should they be on the search for him. less so lately than usual , but loitering around the shop and bothering its employees ( mainly his sister ) was typically one of his go-to pastimes. wandering through the door , the first thing they noticed was how quiet it was , not a soul in sight. " anybody here ? " they called out , hoping someone might emerge from the back rooms , " hope you know I'm going to start stealing things if I'm left alone for too long. " it was a joke , sure , but one that had the likelihood of quickly becoming reality if he grew bored enough.

CLOSED STARTER | FOR MATILDA YAXLEY ( @hecrtgolden )