Y'all, I Need Help...

lifehack: when you see a Take One candy bowl in a restaurant, wait until noones looking and shovel candy into your pockets. god may judge you but his sins outnumber your own

PLASMOID

GENDER ACHIEVED

Ok, so you've been isekai'd to the dnd world and may or may not die due to the class you've been assigned. Better question. Are you human? (spinner wheel of all dnd5e species)

Broski you can't just leave it here, plz plz tag me if it happens O_O I need it so bad

Got an idea for a fic where X loses his memory and gets found by Ex, who he thinks is someone he used to trust. Ex keeps up the ruse because there's so much damage he can do to the server like this, but is quickly thrown off by X treating him like a loved one. For the first time someone's acting like they love him, and he pushes back his plans, telling themself that he'll do them later. But the longer X stays the less they want to hurt people, leading to them resolving to keep a simple life with the two of them. And then X starts regaining his memories, and Ex is sweating in the background because he knows that the moment X remembers who he is, all of this is going to fall apart and he'll go back to having nothing.

First chapter's getting posted tonight babyyyy :D

"Shadow Lady?" the soft voice of her mother called, warbling through the ocean.

She smiled, zipping through the water toward the sweet song. The muscles in her powerful tail, almost four times as long as her torso, carried her through the currents at a lightning speed. The gem around her neck, connected by a thin chain to the back of her neck, fell flush against her chest as she whipped around rock formations and brushed against seagrass. In a quick motion, she darted into the clam shell leaning against a rock that made her home, doing a quick lap around her startled mom before throwing her hands up and stopping. "I'm here!"

Her mother chuckled. Pink Coral Branch was known to be a gentle giant, as tall as a hydrothermal vent but as warm as a summer ocean current. Her large hand wrapped around her tiny daughter, bringing her close to her chest. 15 feet of human, 15 feet of tail, all boundless love.

A nameless tune drifted through the water, coming from Pink Coral Branch. Shadow Lady tried to join in, though her notes were off-pitch and her inflection sloppy at best.

"One day, child, you will grow as tall as this reef, and be responsible for the life in it." Pink Coral Branch said. "Your top half will be as long as your tail, and your voice will become something very special."

Shadow Lady held up her necklace, feeling a small tug at the top of her spine. Pink Coral Branch reached for her own necklace. "Do you know what's in here?" She took it off her neck and put it in Lizzie's hands, though it was almost larger than her upper body.

"It's our voice!" She said, grinning up at her mother.

Pink Coral Branch nodded, then took the necklace and weaved it back over her head. "When the necklace grows off your neck, you must keep it safe at all times. It will be how you sing, how you beguile, and how you put on a human skin. Never lose it."

Shadow Lady clutched her necklace in both hands, close to her chest. "I will never."

----

Lizzie sighed dramatically, smacking her face into her arms. "I hate it here."

@baosci @whiver-wyverncat y'all i think my brain did something O-O

All credits to baosci for the AU

This is a scene that is going in the fanfic immediately

It might not make it till the end cause of what I have planned

But goddamn it's going in there

CUTIES

100% atk and 0% dmg baby goat

Meanwhile, just across the street and sides of the law...

The Clock Cafe

Allegedly run by one of the oldest crime families in the country as a money laundering front, the Clock Cafe is well-loved for its affordable drinks and signature decorated cakes — the icing designs are exquisite, and they can be yours for the low, low price of your shoes. Presently across the street from the Bad Boys Bakery, though the Clock Cafe was here first. 

Cleo [last name unknown]: Single mother of two rambunctious adult sons, she mainly handles the back-end work of the cafe and is rarely seen at the front. Her hostility towards the Bad Boys is more due to Grian’s effect on Scar than anything else. Suspected to have blackmail material on the rest of the underground, though she’s clearly not above bending the rules herself. Cleo has definitely not committed tax evasion, and any reports of necromancy are simply because she’s a great enjoyer of Halloween.  Scar Goodtimes [that cannot possibly be his real name]: Barista, cashier, and face of the Clock Cafe, Scar is easily the most recognisable owner. He shares the work of making the cafe’s iconic cakes with his brother and is always waiting at the counter to serve customers with a smile. He also has a crush on Grian, the grumpy baker from across the street, but he's being very subtle about it no matter what Bdubs says. Bdubs wouldn't know subtlety if it hit him in the face, anyway — Scar knows this because someone taped the word ‘subtle’ to their oven doors the other day. Scar also updates his reputation board daily. No one's quite sure what it means. Bdoubleo “Bdubs” Onehundred [I beg your pardon?]: Resident baker at the Clock Cafe, Bdubs is the reason for the frankly ridiculous collection of clocks and watches that covers the walls of the cafe. His eye for piping is unmatched, and also black and blue from hitting himself in the face with an oven door. Bdubs can usually be found either working on his next masterpiece, yelling affirmations at his plants so they grow better, or sleeping on the closest horizontal surface. 

The Clock Cafe is a beloved family-owned business situated in the heart of the city. Come in and relax with a lovely hot chocolate, or admire the towering cathedrals that are, in fact, cake. We only accept cash. Stop by soon, and have a great day! 

wooo desert duo but tiny

I see this and raise you dual dagger Gem and longbow Impulse; (specifically thinking of Secret Life) Scott clears space, and from behind, Impulse picks off anyone getting too close, while Gem takes advantage of the space to move quickly and stab before retreating behind the spear.

And in Last Life Scott and Pearl can use their spear and scythe to clear a circle for Cleo to go wild.

Gods this is fun, we need more!

Though in minecraft basically everyone uses swords or bows to fight, do you guys have any headcanons for special "signature weapons" you think the Life Series players would use?

I think Scott would be a spear/polearm specialist, Cleo would use a flail, and Martyn would use a cutlass.

I just don’t get it. How can our society act so goddamned normal about seahorses. How can anybody so casually accept that that’s a fish???

This is one of nature’s most anatomically perverse of all beasts. A FISH, like a carp or a bass or a beta is a fish, but it bent its body straight up only to bend its head permanently back down. It stretched its skull into a pipe. It tapered its tail like a lizard, specifically like a chameleon. It can also move its eyes independently by the way, you know, like a chameleon. Fun fact, it can change color to express its mood, like you know whatever does that. It doesn’t properly swim anymore. It buzzes its few remaining fins like an insect’s wings to float itself around at a snail’s pace. It lives its whole life clinging to coral branches or seaweed, which means it decided to become a “tree dweller” in an environment where gravity didn’t even matter anyway. The males get pregnant. They make noises at each other by rubbing some of their neck bones together. Every day, EVERY DAY a mated pair does a little dance and a little neck bone song so they remember which two seahorses they were. They’re a beautiful precious obscenity. Nothing so adorable ever made such a strong case against a logical creator.

They have as little skin and meat as they could get away with. Their skeleton is almost all they are.