Shifting In Italy? Don’t Worry. Gotcha.

shifting in italy? don’t worry. gotcha.

note: italy in this reality is full of bigots. so, it's like a romanticised version .... so script out those things if you want the movie-like experience. and no global warming…. i’ll make a list at the end.

italy is a peninsula, except for sardinia and sicily. so, your experience will be different depending on which part you are. you are not only italian, but you are also your region... the most important thing, dare i say? south and north despise each other, while the centre is chilling because no one ever remembers them (which is hilarious, because the capital is there). this is going to be very detailed.

act i, location. where do you live?

NORTH-WEST ...

valle d'aosta. smallest region of italy, where you are living the heidi lifestyle. you are near some of the highest mountains ever: monte bianco, cervino, monte rosa, gran paradiso. so, pretty cold. you have christmas full of snow, and while driving you will probably meet some goats and their shepherd. they always have something profound to say. if you like hiking, it's perfect for you. imagine drinking hot chocolate while the old people of your small town talk about their experiences of when they were young.

liguria. near the sea; the tarquoise waters are the wet dream of the fishermen. you are still surrounded by cliffs and your small towns are an ode to love. this vibe is mainly created by the sunsets and the wine, which you are probably drinking because they don't really care about your age. drinking some kind of alcohol while snacking (sometimes smoking) and laughing with your friends is culture.

lombardia. perfect for pretentious people... just kidding. if you are a fan of big cities, there's milan. city of fashion, chic, and aspiring famous people. everyone is in rush, the trains are never on time, taxis stop every three seconds. everyone has shopping bags in the hands and the bars are always full of people. if you like something more romantic, lakes como and garda are perfect. with the alpine breeze, eating risotto ... paradise on earth.

piemonte. castles everywhere. and wine (are you noticing a pattern here?). turin is full of story and art, and everything looks like a medieval revival. an ice cream shop can be in a 600 years old home, and your school definitely has the name of some historical figure who changed history in some way. the baroque streets are full of people yapping to their friends or family, and you will feel like an noble if you dress up.

NORTH-EST ...

trentino-alto adige. the fresh mountain air, crystal clear lakes, alpine villages. guardian of a remarkable cultural heritage of confluence between latin and nordic worlds. also unique wines (are we alcoholics?) are shaped by the alpine landscape, tended to by experienced wine-growers, and prized throughout the world.

veneto. the canals of venice are the definition of romance. gondolas gliding under ancient bridges, region of romeo and juliet. full of secret alleys who lead god-knows-where. the carnival is known world-wide and probably the best thing that ever happened to mankind... after wine. (did i mention that people here love alcohol?)

friuli-venezia giulia. beautiful sandy and pebble beaches where you can read a book. cultural excursions (schools always go there for excursions) historic towns, castles, fine wines and cuisine, unspoiled nature. very underrated and often forgotten by everyone in italy (or is it just me...?) but a GEM.

emilia-romagna. prosciutto. pasta. what a dream. the medieval towers rise as beautiful as they once were, the scent of the typical italian food hangs in the air like an invitation. its nickname is indeed the food valley of europe. ancient shops, and the art??? ugh!!!! it's also the home of the communists.... if you are interested;)

CENTRE...

toscana. endless vineyards, rustic farmhouses, hills where you can sit and watch the sunrise. art is everywhere. you BREATHE art. florence is literally the city of architecture. having long conversations under cypress trees. lies along the tyrrhenian and ligurian seas. what do you want more (the wine is probably the best one you'll ever have the pleasure to taste).

umbria. the green heart of italy. located right in the centre of the state. rich in art, history and culture, this region is also famous for its wine and olive oil tradition.... because yes wine is everywhere. also the porchetta. what a pleasure is to eat something as tasty as the porchetta from umbria.

marche. no one seems to remember them. but, it's a gem. reinassance towns and streets, and the adriatic coastline right next to them. the countryside is full of olive groves. the resteraunts?? a blessing. olive all'ascolana ... i dream about them every night.

lazio. rome, the eternal city, is here. and this says everything. stories have been written for millennia. filled with passion, art, and culture. and food. the food is so good.

SOUTH...

abruzzo. from the apennine mountains, to ancient villages, people eating porchetta, to unspoiled beaches. well known for its landscapes and natural environment, parks and nature reserves, characteristic hillside areas rich in vineyards and olive groves.

molise. the long-running joke is that it doesn't actually exist. everyone always forgets about them. quiet, small towns, nature.

campania. dear amalfi coast, you are heaven. pastel houses will catch your breath, alongside the food....... dear lord. naples is full of people who do the most weird thing, but isn't that just so beautiful?? sun-drenched shores, and the remains of the historical event of the vulcano vesuvio.

puglia. the heel of italy's boot. golden beaches and crystal-clear waters, intense flavours and fascinating destinations: castel del monte, the trulli, the islands passing through towns kissed by a unique and unforgettable light.

calabria. the toe of the italian boot. the sea, the riace bronzes, reggio calabria and capo vaticano, a captivating mix of history and beauty. warning; the beaches??? spectacular.

basilicata. a land made special by its small silent villages rich in history, its many unspoilt places and enchanting beaches. a unique variety of landscapes including expanses of land, national parks, forests and beautiful lunar-looking landscapes and then the legendary sassi di matera.

ISLANDS...

sicilia. landmarks like the valley of temples and mount etna, its heavenly sandy beaches, delicious wine, and.... mafia origins, so script that out. beside that, it's pure adventure-land. from ancient temples when it was dominated by the greeks, to wines.

sardegna. known the world over for its emerald sea and white beaches, even though the heart of its territory is predominantly mountainous. a land of contrasts, superb nature and millenary traditions.

act ii, education. where do you study?

you will be assigned a section (a, b, c...) and have a class of usually 20 / 24 students. different levels = different schools, so everytime you finish a level you will go to another school, different section, different teachers, different classmates. teachers go in between classes, you only stay in one. usually they let you decorate it. if you fail the year you have to repeat it, saying goodbye to your class and having lessons with the ones younger than you.

level i , primary school: from age 6 to 11.

level ii , secondary school: a.k.a middle school. from age 11 to 14. after the three years you have to make a school leaving exam to see if you can proceed.

level iii , upper secondary school: high school. from age 14 to 19. now this is different from anything else. at the end of middle school you have to choose what kind of school you want to take based on career goals and interests. ( note : all of them have the main important subjects like math and history and italian etc etc, but each focus is different + some of them have different 'main' subjects based on the school. so, this means that the subjects of focus of the school will take more hours than others. you will have to take 10 / 13 classes)

1. liceo ( academic-focused ). they are more theoretical and you will need to proceed to higher education. people say they are the difficult ones....... i kinda lost my mind so i have to agree.

liceo linguistico. foreign languages. you will at least have to take three languages ( italian is not one of them ) and study them in depth.

liceo delle scienze umane. psychology, sociology, pedagogy, and humanities. and philosophy from year three. this was mine!!!!

liceo classico. latin, ancient greek, philosophy, humanities.

liceo artistico. visual arts, architecture, design, artistic techniques.

liceo scientifico. mathematics, physics, science + latin and philosophy.

2. istituti tecnici. provides both general education and technical professions.

tecnologico. mechanism, economics, IT, construction, chemistry, and environmental studies.

economico. business administration, finance, marketing, tourism.

3. istituti professionali. more job-oriented.

hospitality and tourism.

fashion and design.

agriculture.

mathematics and electronics.

health and social services.

school starts on september 15 and ends in early june..... schools day are from monday to satuday ( 8:30 am, at 10:00 am you have 15 minutes to eat your snack, school ends at 1:30 pm ).

GRADING. is based on a scale between zero and ten, with six being the pass..... and yes, they can actually give zero. trust me. (sigh). you have to take regular school exams throughout the year. basically, and for EACH SUBJECT, with each exams you have a number and at the end of the year they sum your number and divide it with how many numbers they gave you. like.... you got a 5 + 8 + 7 + 6? it's 26. there are four numbers so 26:4, and you have 6.5. congrats you passed !!

- oral exams: teacher call students to answer questions about recent lessons. sounds like hell because it is. if the teacher is nice you can see with your classmates which one goes in which lesson so you are prepared. it can be any subject.

- written exams: scheduled. it can be any subject. for italian you have to make essays, usually. latin exams are HELL ON EARTH.

i used to take four exams weekly, so don't script that. please. script that teachers care about you. your mental health will suck because those little shits are awful. the stress is insane. because.... dare i say it...... you don't have to check a box. that's why i envy americans. no, we have to give full answers. you read the question, see the blank space, and if you don't know it you're fucked. and if they don't like it they will mark it as mistake (i am looking at you, ex psychology teacher. I hate you). you have to learn everything word for word like the textbook. but twist the words because "you sound like a parrot"

the core subjects everyone has to take: italian literature, math, history and geography, english, science (biology, chemistry, physics), physical education, religion (optional). as i said, each school will have different core subjects.

THE FINAL EXAM: a.k.a maturità. at the end of the fifth year of high school, you have to take the national diploma. they take place in june (i know. it's torture. the beach is there but you have to study) and they end the first two weeks of july.

first written exam. an italian essay on literature, history, or society.

second written exam. a subject-specific test based on the type of school (e.g., latin/greek for liceo classico).

oral exam. students discuss their final-year project (tesina) and answer questions on different subjects. you have to make this project connect to every subject, everything correlated to each other. teachers can ask everything they want. (this is the same 4middle school).

note: if you fail your fifth year you can't do the final exams and you have to repeat the year. if you fail one or two subjects you have to take summer school, and at the end of summer take an exam to see if you're ready. you fail the exam? you have to repeat the year. if you failed three subjects you OR take summer school (depends on the teacher and depends on your final vote) or you just repeat the year without summer school.

SCHOOL TRIPS.

usually organized once or twice a year. they can range from one-day excursions to multi-day trips in italy or abroad. teachers are the one accompanying the students.

day trips. visits to museums, historical sites, theaters, nature reserves, same city or region.

multi-day trips. last 2-5 days and are often to major italian cities (rome, florence, venice) or european destinations (paris, berlin, barcelona).

from the third high school year, some school offer study trips to the UK, france, or spain. then there’s erasmus, usually in america.

SCHOOL TRADITIONS.

you’d be lucky to see students in class in june. everyone is a little bit more chill…. so the teachers aren’t really mad at you skipping school (only if you have too many absences. in fact, students try to not be absent many times during the year to skip days in june). it’s too hot to be in class, so they will probably make lessons outside. some classes can organise trips to the beach (only if they are near).

the last day of school, maturity (fifth year) students wear white shirts that classmates sign with markers.

100 giorni. this is 100 days before the final exams. many go on a trip or do something "lucky," like visiting a church or making a wish, or just have parties. in school you are going to wear something fancy and usually drink champagne with your teacher (the majority of students are already 18).

some schools have fake strikes where students "protest" just to skip class…… but high schoolers often participate in protests about politics, school reforms, or climate change. at least they say so, they usually just go to the bar. if there's a national student protest, many use it as an excuse to skip school. yes, we like to skips school.

student assemblies. twice a year, students can attend a general assembly instead of class. some schools use this time for serious debates, while others turn it into an excuse to relax. for example, we used to go to the cinema LOL.

class assemblies. when it’s really necessary, students have the right to ask for a teacher their hours to talk about important issues with the class, and then the head of the class will refer the teachers.

school festival day. some schools have an annual festival with sports tournaments, talent shows, and music.

on christmas you can have a little tree in the class!

la notte prima degli esami (night before exams). inspired by the song, many maturandi (fifth year student) stay up late, listening to music, and stressing out together. someone will probably start sobbing. some gather in a park or square to talk about their fears and share good luck rituals.

things about italian school:

you can’t choose your subjects, just the high school (except religion, you can choose to not take that. you’ll spend the time in the hallway chilling).

lockers are not a thing, so you have to carry everything in your bag. also, you have to buy textbooks….. and that’s why you are going to spend 400/500 every year for that. it’s tragic. i know.

you will have a relationship with your teachers; not in the weird sense…. but from the strict one to sweet one, you will spend so much time together that it’s kind of inevitable. you will see them more than you’ll see your parents, basically.

lunch break is not a thing, you eat at home.

classmates…… you spend basically all day with them. so, they are like your siblings; you hate or love them, you still have to spend time with them. don’t date a classmate. trust me… it’s going to be awkward.

uniform? what’s that?? but teachers are going to be pissed if you reveal your shoulders. AND for girls (🙄) you can’t wear shorts, skirts, and anything different than sneakers. nothing ‘revealing’ basically.

act iii, social life. ( script that. )

script that the homework won’t consume your life, because we want to live the life. so, where do you hangout?

bars & café. in italy bars aren’t for alcohol. it’s usually for coffee (that’s why you’ll always see grandmas and grandpas hanging out there) and eating something. if you are outside you can smoke (smoking and italy go hand in hand) and no matter your age, no one will tell you anything. i saw way too many 12-years-old smoking there. also, there’s alcohol from afternoons. so it’s the usual ‘ape in centro’ that means aperitivo (drinking spritz, usually) in the town square, where the bars are. usually with your group of friends, they give you alcohol and free snacks. you can stay there for hours and they aren’t going to tell you anything, sometimes playing with cards (or reading tarots if you are cool) and talking shit about people you hate.

piazza (town square). typical hangout spot. near you there’s probably going to be a park or gelato shop…. and if you are with your friends you are going to eat and drink. it’s culture.

discos. it usually starts when you are 14 / 15, and it’s reserved for the saturday nights. the alternative can be house parties.

friendship. that’s the main kind of relationship, the one your family will encourage you to have. kids, adults, teenagers. old people spend time with their friends in bars and gossiping with each other. this is the kind of relationship the media will enforce on you. it’s honestly one of the most important thing for social life.

hookup culture. sigh. what do you think happens in discos?

families. usually very close. people stay with their parents in their 20s. your nonna will make you the best thing you have ever eaten in the sunday lunches.

driving. public transportation is everything. you don’t usually have a car before 18, but at 14 you can drive a small scooter (motorino), and at 16 a micro car (but the majority of people find that cringe).

unwritten general life rules that will save your life.

don’t ever, EVER, call a teacher by their first name. not even surname. it’s prof, or professore / professoressa.

teachers can call on you randomly, so even if you didn’t study, pretend you’re flipping through your notes like you were prepared. don’t make eye contact, but seem secure of yourself.

if you ask for homework, you just jumped on your own grave. if the teacher forgets to assign homework, stay silent. shhhhhhhhhhhhh.

sciopero ( strike ) is skip day. if you still decide to go to school your classmates will make fun of you behind your back.

school trip is a mini vacation. don’t take it very seriously. teachers know students care more about fun than museums. there’s always a mix of sightseeing, partying, and barely sleeping. for example, me and my classmates met in one’s room and we started playing charlie-charlie. the fake ouja we did started moving and the teachers heard us screaming, but they just closed an eye (or hear…). also, if you are in high school you can smoke if it’s the correct place. they don’t really care and won’t tell your parents.

don’t snitch.

hanging out is not usually planned. you just walk around the town or sit at a café. completely normal. or even walking around in the shopping centre.

no coffee after 5pm, unless you’re an insomniac. iced coffee is not a thing….. and only tourists drink cappuccino after lunch.

dress well. only roadmen wear nike tracksuits, and for the love of god don’t wear pyjamas if you are not in your house.

always greet everyone when you arrive. a small gathering, or even a family lunch, say hello to each person with a handshake (formal) or a cheek kiss. if you don’t, you have ‘a broom up your ass’

don’t break the pasta. why are you wasting food? about food: i won’t explain every single thing people outside of italy do wrong. ketchup on pasta???????? girl. ananas on pizza? fuck off.

don’t get super drunk. it’s not cool. tipsy? hell yeah….. but drunk… no one wants to be that person.

if you’re at a house party, expect to stay out until morning.

clubs have a strict dress code—no sneakers, no sportswear, and guys need a collared shirt.

curfews depend on your parents, and how much you can negotiate. make sure you have a friend they trust…. if your friend is there, they’ll make you go. if its a small town, it’s not unusual to go out when it’s night.

your mom will call you 100 times if you don’t answer. good luck with that.

dinner is around 8pm.

we only use the “military clock” but we just call it clock. the day is 24 hours. we learn it in primary school.

we hate the french because they stole our monnalisa. but if someone outside of europe insults them we will defend the french.

they don’t usually marry young (at least, not lately). sex is not a taboo thing and teenagers are encouraged to find their boundaries; talked about them by their parents and sometimes even teachers.

italian culture.

food. it’s not just about eating, it’s about living. it’s the experience. it’s the tradition behind it. every meal is an event…. and if you are eating in company? that’s basically an ancient roman theatre come outside your history textbook. it’s like a romance novel. every bite is heavenly.

gestures. hands are basically part of your language. forget about just speaking…. gesturing is where the magic happens. its about the secrets. your friends know exactly what each of your gesture means. your hands never stay still — and yes, universal gestures exist. but the secret handshake? the way your fingers move to signal to your best friend that someone you don’t like is there? a quick flick of the chin can indicate everything from “whatever” to “you’re about to get a lecture.” and when you know the person, you know exactly which one is the correct answer.

fashion. it’s a lifestyle. the nonnas will rock a scarf like it’s haute couture. you might be walking down the street in your sneakers and jeans, but there’s a good chance someone will be casually strolling by in designer shoes. you’ll probably feel underdressed even if you're wearing the fanciest outfit you own. style is just... natural.

drama. passionate arguments that escalate quickly over something small. disagreements over who is the best football player are so intense, you’d think it was a national emergency. the gossips????? why do you think hangouts are for? no matter the age. the old ladies of the villages will ask you the latest news, or if you are dating someone. your mother will come in your room and tell you with a grin that your least favourite aunt is in a scandal. even the teachers will interrupt their lesson is something is juicy.

language. swearing it’s a second nature…. and every region has their dialect, which sounds like a whole new language. you’ll never catch someone from milan understanding what someone from naples is saying. some people they’re a shakespeare in the making, though. conversations can go from serious to funny in the blink of an eye, and don’t even try to keep up unless you’re fluent in rapid-fire speech and strategic pauses for dramatic effect. or someone blowing the smoke on your face.

things to script out: corrupted government, mafia, misogyny, homophobia, racism, bigitory in general, global warming, classism, poverty, school is not stressful, it’s easy to find jobs, no one makes fun of you for your interests and style. for any question, my ask are open!!