𝙰𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙵𝚒𝚎𝚕𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙼𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚊 𝚄𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎

Thanks for this headcanon. 🤭😳 Makes me wonder the number of attempts do Isaac and Lance even hide their "love" bruises and hickies. For Lance, knowing the man he would just show it off to everyone, as for Isaac he would just hide it with long sleeves and scarves but remember his seasonal outfit in the summer. Makes me wonder, how tempted would Lance be to just give a bite. 😂

Hello! I just really like your IsaacXLance headcanon stories and I just have this random idea. Which one of them is top or bottom? 🤔

I sometimes see them as switches or maybe Isaac is a power bottom and Lance is a top. 😂 But what do u think? And how frequent are their "activities"? Especially with their difficult time management.

🌚 heh...

(Warning: adult talk, kinda nsfw)

Lance is definitely a switch. Depending on the situation, his own mood and Isaac's mood, Lance can be both bottom AND top. Though I feel like in some cases, he would still tease his partner and have control. All in all, a switch, with a power bottom energy.

It's a very similar situation with Isaac, he's also a switch most of the time, but sometimes Isaac prefers to be a service top or even just a top. Mostly when Lance acts like an asshole and provokes Isaac on purpose. And the adventurer with the scar is happy to "remind his colleague of his manners". Lance, in general, is well-mannered, but not with Isaac, and it’s not like Isaac himself was complaining... 🌚

Given their busy patrol schedules and the fact that both are more often than not in different parts of the world (not sure how far Castle Village is from Stardew Valley), there are few opportunities for them to be alone together. So they will make the most of every opportunity. Sometimes it's slow and passionate sex, sometimes it's quickie. But they still manage to adjust their schedules so that Lance and Isaac have enough time for each other.

A/N: After reading @studentinpursuitofclouds headcanon about the bachelors/ettes' reactions to being kidnapped for revenge or ransom only for their furious Farmer spouse to storm in and rescue them. I felt inspired. I couldn’t help but write a version for Lance, blending it with my farmer OCs' backstories. Hope you enjoy the fic!

The moon loomed high over the farmhouse, casting its pale, silver glow across the quiet fields. The night was still, almost unnervingly so, with only the soft rustle of leaves stirred by a gentle breeze. The greenhouse stood as a lone beacon in the darkness, its glass panels faintly aglow, sheltering a world of warmth and life separate from the cool hush outside. Inside, Rosemary moved among rows of flourishing crops, the earthy scent of soil and faint hum of lingering magic surrounding her. Yet, despite the comforting atmosphere, a knot of unease twisted tightly in her chest.

Lance should be home by now.

He had left at dawn, that familiar confident grin on his face, promising—promising—to return before sunset. She had believed him. Lance always kept his word. But now, as the hours stretched long past nightfall, the promise felt like a fading echo.

A message had come earlier, brief and reassuring. But Rosemary’s instincts screamed otherwise. She brushed her gloved fingers over the rough skin of a void root. The dark, twisted form seemed to absorb the soft light, pulsing faintly with ancient magic. She tried to focus on the task at hand—on the routine—but her thoughts kept circling back to one question.

Why isn’t he back?

Her pruning slowed. Water dripped from a nearby watering can. The silence grew thick.

Then it happened.

A chill—sharp and sudden—sliced down her spine.

Her breath hitched.

Her gloved hand froze mid-motion.

It wasn’t a sound. Not a shadow shifting in the corner of her vision. No. This was deeper. Internal. Like something inside her had snapped.

No...

The comforting aura of Lance’s magic, ever-present beside her own like a steady heartbeat—had vanished.

Gone.

Her pulse thundered in her ears.

“No.”

The word escaped her lips in a broken whisper. The trowel slipped from her hand, clattering against the stone path. A ragged cry tore from her throat as she stumbled back. Her gaze snapped toward the hills beyond the farmhouse. She reached inward—desperately—trying to find the familiar pulse of his magic.

There. Faint. So faint.

But still there.

A gasp tore from her.

Lance...

Alive. Barely conscious. But alive. Reaching for her.

Her hands fumbled for her phone. The screen blurred before her eyes as her fingers darted across it, moving faster than her mind could process. Only one number mattered.

The line rang once. Twice.

“Rosie?”, Her sister’s voice answered calm as ever, but edged with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Cerise!!! I can’t feel him.” Rosemary’s voice cracked. “His magic! it’s gone—I don’t know what’s happening, what does it mean?”

Silence.

A silence that stretched for only a moment but felt like a lifetime.

When Cerise finally spoke, her tone had shifted, cool, sharp, edged with something Rosemary rarely heard from her sister: fear.

“No… they wouldn’t.” The words came as a whisper. Then, sharper, cold with realization: “Stay where you are. I’ll be there soon.”

Rosemary’s grip tightened around the phone.

“They must've took him.”

The words hung heavy in the air.

“They took my husband.”

This time, her voice was low, dangerous, a quiet fury simmering beneath each syllable.

Cerise inhaled sharply on the other end of the line. “Most likely. If they couldn’t get my Jio, their next move would be—”

“I’m going.”

“Rose—”

“I’m not waiting around, sister.” Rosemary’s jaw tightened. Her ocean jade eyes—usually bright and warm—narrowed into cold flames of determination. “I’m getting my husband back. Whatever it takes.”

”Rosemary, wait—”

But the call had already ended.

Without hesitation, Rosemary snatched up her sword from the greenhouse floor. The blade thrummed with her magic, responding to her rage. She pulled on her dark cloak, fastened the clasp at her neck, and slung a pouch of potions over her shoulder.

She stepped out into the night.

She didn’t need a plan.

Only a direction.

Lance’s faint magic—like a whisper at the edge of her mind—would guide her.

“Hold on, love” she whispered, her voice trembling. “I’m coming.”

And nothing would stand in her way.

The room reeked of damp stone and stale air, a subterranean prison swallowed by oppressive darkness. The narrow space was barely lit by a flickering lantern that hung from a rusted chain in the corner, its dim glow casting trembling shadows across the concrete walls slick with condensation. The ceiling sagged low, pressing down like a weight upon the soul. The air itself was suffocating, thick with the scent of mold and the faint, undeniable metallic tang of old blood. A chill seeped from the stone floor, gnawing at the skin, while the silence—broken only by the rhythmic drip of water echoing from some distant corridor—felt almost unnatural. But worse than the cold or the damp was the lingering, suffocating aura of magic that clung to every surface, woven into the very air. It was a cruel enchantment, designed to sap strength, to suppress power. And it was working.

Lance shifted in the chair he had been bound to, the rough rope digging into his wrists. His head hung low, dark pink hair falling messily into his face. A dull ache throbbed behind his eyes, sharp and insistent, growing worse with each breath drawn in the magic-saturated air. His eyes flickered open with slow, deliberate effort. His arms ached from the tight restraints that hummed faintly with the same suppressive power in the room. Even the smallest attempt to draw upon his magic was met with resistance, a suffocating weight that dulled the spark he relied on.

A breath slipped from his lips—slow, frustrated, bitter.

The Second-in-Command of the First Slash Clan, renowned combat mage, captured.

Not by a rival clan worthy of his strength. Not in battle against some formidable foe.

No, by a group of low-ranking mafia thugs who had no comprehension of the power they were trifling with.

The humiliation stung, but it wasn’t the real issue gnawing at him. His pride could endure this. What he could not endure was the knowledge he had failed. Failed to see the ambush coming. Failed to protect what mattered most. With all his training, all his magical prowess, he should have burned through these restraints with a flick of his wrist. But this room—the entire place—reeked of the kind of magic meant to weaken him, suppress him, render him vulnerable.

Still, it wasn’t his own fate that consumed his thoughts.

It was hers.

The realization cut deeper than any blade.

They weren’t after him.

They were after Rosemary.

He had heard them, muffled voices beyond the door, carelessly assuming he was too weak, too broken to care. But he had listened. Every word. Every plan. The truth had struck him harder than any blow. They believed that taking him would draw her out. They thought Rosemary would come running, desperate and vulnerable—a perfect trap.

But they didn’t know her.

They didn’t know Rosemary.

She wasn’t some fragile woman to be lured like a helpless bird. She had Cerise’s blood in her veins—the blood of the Crimson Wraith.

And worse still, they didn’t simply want to use her as bait. No. Their plan was far more twisted. They wanted her alive. They wanted to mold her into a weapon—a new puppet assassin forged from the only sister of the Crimson Wraith.

The thought made Lance’s jaw tighten, his fingers twitching against the ropes. His entire being recoiled at the idea of anyone laying a hand on her. His Rosemary. His wife. The woman who had fought for her freedom, who had lived in the shadow of her sister’s bloody past but had never allowed it to define her. They thought they could twist her into something she wasn’t.

The audacity.

The rage brewed quietly beneath his composed exterior, his magic stirring despite the oppressive weight. He would burn this place to ash for even daring to think of touching her.

The door creaked open.

Rusty hinges groaned like a dying animal, breaking the stillness.

Lance lifted his head, eyes narrowing as two figures stepped into the dim light. One was tall, broad-shouldered, with a jagged scar slashing across his cheek—a permanent sneer carved into his skin. The other remained near the door, arms crossed, eyes dull with boredom.

The scarred man grinned, a slow, mocking curve of his lips.

“You know.” he drawled, stepping forward with deliberate slowness. “None of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t married that red-haired bitch. We didn’t want you. You were never the target.”

He crouched, bringing his face close enough that Lance could smell the foul mix of tobacco and cheap liquor on his breath.

“We wanted her sister. Cerise. She was... valuable to us. But she escaped. Left everything behind, dragging her little sister along like a coward.”

His grin widened, malicious satisfaction gleaming in his eyes.

“But now? We have something better. You see, we realized something. What better way to replace the Crimson Wraith than with her own blood? We’ll take your precious wife, and turn her into the perfect weapon. Our new puppet.”

The words echoed in the damp room.

Lance didn’t move. His expression didn’t change. His face remained calm, far too calm.

But inside?

How dare you.

The air shifted.

Even bound and suppressed, his magic stirred, a quiet storm gathering, waiting. The ropes bit into his wrists, but they were nothing more than an inconvenience. He would burn this entire place to the ground before he let them touch her.

And then—

Footsteps.

At first faint, almost mistaken for an echo. But then louder. Steady. Unyielding.

The two mafia members stiffened. Their smug confidence faltered.

The pressure in the air built, thick and suffocating. The flickering lantern dimmed, shadows crawling further along the walls. The footsteps didn’t slow.

They grew louder. Closer.

And then—

The door exploded inward.

Wood shattered into splinters. The force of the blast sent fragments clattering across the stone floor. The oppressive magic that had choked the room recoiled instantly. For a moment, the air itself seemed to fear the figure standing in the doorway.

Rosemary stood there—fury incarnate.

Her rose-red hair blazed in the dim light, cascading behind her like a river of flame. Ocean jade eyes burned with unrelenting rage and fear, swirling with power she no longer cared to conceal. The aura surrounding her crackled with raw magic—a tempest on the brink of being unleashed.

“Where...”, she whispered, her voice low, trembling with restrained wrath, “Is my husband?”

The scarred man stumbled back. “Oh shit-!” he muttered in disbelief, glancing at his companion.

But the moment he moved—

Rosemary vanished.

A flash of purple swept through the air. Her blade glinted once, a crescent of death cutting through the dim light. With a scream, the scarred man flew backward, crashing into the far wall with a sickening crunch. The second man barely had time to react before Rosemary descended on him with relentless precision. Her strikes were merciless—graceful yet devastating. Every movement spoke of years of training, of lessons carved into muscle and bone.

They had expected a weak sister.

They received a force of nature.

The second man crumpled to the floor without a sound.

Silence fell.

Lance remained still, his gaze fixed on the woman who had torn apart his captors without hesitation. His heart thundered in his chest—not out of fear, but awe. She had come for him. She had shattered their illusions. She was magnificent.

Rosemary turned.

Her gaze softened the moment it met his. The fury faded, replaced by something far deeper—fear, worry, desperation.

“Lance.”

Her voice broke.

In two strides, she was beside him, dropping to her knees. Her hands reached for his face first, trembling as they brushed against his skin, as if afraid he would vanish.

“Are you—did they—?” Her voice cracked, unable to form the question.

“I’m fine.” His voice was soft but firm, though his smile faded when he saw the tears shining in her eyes.

“No, you’re not.” She gritted her teeth, glancing at the glowing restraints. Without hesitation, her fingers tightened around the ropes. Magic pulsed through her veins, rushing to her hands.

The ropes hissed.

With a surge of power and a cry laced with all the fear and rage she had suppressed, Rosemary ripped them apart. The restraints shattered into ash beneath her touch.

Lance didn’t move. He simply watched her—watched as she clung to him, as her shoulders shook.

“I thought—” she choked out, “I thought I was too late.”

Gently, Lance wrapped his arms around her.

“You weren’t.”

She buried her face in his chest. “I would have destroyed this whole place if they’d laid a hand on you.”

“I know.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “You were perfect.”

“No.” She pulled back slightly, her ocean jade eyes locking onto his, fierce even through the tears. “Not perfect. Just in time.”

And when Lance leaned forward to press his lips to hers, tender lingering. It wasn’t simply relief that filled the space between them.

It was a promise.

A promise that no matter who came for them next, no matter what shadows lurked in the past, they would face them—together.

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, I'll be writing stories and mini skits featuring my farmer OCs and their NPC lovers as they navigate mundane, romantic, or even chaotic moments during the holiday.

Additionally, with the recent release of Maggs Immersive Alex Romance Dialogue and Events (x)Spicy or Sweet 1.6 by @maggplays, I'll be writing one-shots about my new farmer and Alex, exploring their interactions in each cutscene. Since I’ve never written fanfics about Alex before, this will be a fun challenge for me. ( ╹▽╹ )

After a passionate night with Sebastian (๑♡⌓♡๑)

One night, Aleia and Sebastian found themselves surrendering to their desires and passions. They let go of any inhibitions, fully embracing each other in an intimate and passionate encounter. As the night came to an end, they lay together in each other's arms, feeling a deep sense of closeness and connection. This night was just the beginning of a deeper level of intimacy and love that would continue to grow between them.

Soooo when I completed the Maggs Immersive Sebastian Mod from a different save file and delete it, I decided to return to my first save file (Aleia's save file) to continue her life with her husband, Sebastian. 4 years of marriage and with two kids. So yesterday, I came across a cutscene of the mod that was supposed to play in Year 2 (I think?). It was a rather surprising and amusing moment, as my farmer and her husband acted like teenagers, doing the dirty in Sebastian's room. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the sight.

The next morning👇

Sebastian you are already married with Aleia, you don't need to sneak out. 😂

Oh my~ 🤭😳

Oh mygawd, Robin knows! 😵‼️

Sebby, don't you see your mom wants more grandkids!

When your Farmer is in a loving relationship with a Vanilla NPC and then you noticed an attractive NPC from an expansion mod. Now I, as the player, have this dilemma about whether I should divorce my character's husband, sacrifice my children, wipe my husband's memory of our relationship and hook up with this fine specimen. (๑•﹏•)

"The great power of C.H.E.A.T."

The next story is about May (@poxy-domain OC farmer) teaching Julian how to use a secret magic only available to the farmers of the Stardew Valley :D Humour, crack and a bit of breaking the fourth wall. Heh 😀

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"All treasures will be yours. The most delicious meals that even rich brats from Amethyne rarely have will be on your dinner table. Forgotten blades and rings. You will have power over men. You'll have everything - you'll get anything you want, you'll be able to go anywhere you want!"

Julian had been listening to May's story for half an hour, when she had decided to tell him about a forbidden magic that was not known to humans, elves, dwarves, or shadow people. Both of his gem-coloured eyes - the left the colour of aquamarine, the right like a pure emerald - looked at the girl who stood on the wooden crate and told him the secrets, gesticulating vigorously. Julian listened to May's every word, intrigued, fascinated, he couldn't take his eyes off her.

"Fascinating.... And what is the name of this spell?" The blond-haired boy asked a little more quietly. The girl looked at him and smiled enigmatically, she was obviously waiting for her friend to ask this question.

"C.H.E.A.T." May answered loudly and proudly.

"Huh? Cheat?" He asked.

"No, not cheat, but C.H.E.A.T. Did you get that?" May spelled it.

The young man was already bouncing slightly with impatience. What does that mean? Forgotten magic? Even Magnus doesn't know about it?

He asked again:

"What this stand for?"

"Hell if I know." The dark-haired farmer jumped down from the box and rubbed her palms together in anticipation. "Shall we get started?"

"Wait-wait-wait!" Julian rambled on. "Shouldn't we prepare before we cast a spell?"

May laughed good-naturedly at the panicked notes in her friend's voice.

"No, silly. This magic, this ability to cast this spells, has already been in every farmer since the beginning of our arrival in the Valley.... In me," She pointed a finger at herself. "In you," The finger was now pointed at Julian. "You'll understand the first time you try it. All we need to do it's focus on the object you want and say "debug command". I'll show you."

Julian nodded to his friend, and took two steps back, giving her space to demonstrate.

May closed her eyes and brought her two palms together again. A stream of magical energy formed around her and swirled around the girl like the wind swirling autumn leaves. Unbeknownst to him, symbols formed above her head, the girl uttered monotonously.

"Debug.... Command..."

In an instant, several large purple chests formed near May's feet, which were completely stuffed with treasures, gold and precious stones. The magic flow disappeared, the girl opened her eyes and smiled triumphantly when she saw Julian's surprised face.

"Wow!" the young man uttered, seeing May proudly step over the golden slides to approach him.

"See? Now it's your turn."

Julian nodded, closed his eyes, and tried to focus on his thoughts. Slowly, a similar magical flow surrounded him, just as it had surrounded May a few minutes ago.

"Debug... Command!"

In one moment, a large tied bag immediately formed at Julian's feet. He bent down to the bag on the ground and carefully untied it, still not fully believing that it was a real object and not an illusion. May wondered what Julian had conjured up for himself. A dozen prismatic shards, as beautiful as the sky, fell to the ground from the untied bag. Julian's pupils dilated at the sight of the beautiful shiny stones.

"Good. Very good," like a proud teacher who rejoices in the success of her talented student, May gave her verdict and patted her friend on the shoulder.

"You need to know that, in addition to conjuring items, we can also move to any place we want," The dark-haired girl stood next to Julian. "Don't go far, I'm about to read the spell."

Julian did not move, waited patiently and watched as his friend and fellow farmer read the spell again.

There was a flash of energy, for a moment there was nothing but darkness in front of his eyes, and in another moment, they were standing on a sandy beach.

"So, this is Ginger Island," May began to shake the sand off her shoes while Julian, as if struck by lightning, stared mesmerised at the crystal clear sea water. So clear that it was easy to see all the fish and other sea life!

"Okay, let's move to another place," Once again, May read a spell, after which they both found themselves on top of a volcano. The heat from the lava was so unbearable that even the air was burning hot. It was a little difficult to breathe.

No sooner had the blond-haired young man commented on the place itself or the strange forge than a figure formed behind them. A tall beautiful man, with pink hair and a blue cloak. The man opened his mouth and wanted to say something, but upon seeing the two people, he immediately closed his mouth again. Apparently, he didn't expect to see strangers here.

Julian waved his hand at the mysterious man while May cast the spell again.

"Okay, too early for us to meet him yet. Let's move on."

After another teleportation, Julian realised that this time he and May were in the middle of a sandstorm. Sand was flying in their faces, nothing could be seen.

"If I pronounced the coordinates correctly, we're now in the Crimson Baldlans. At least, according to Wiki," May tried her best to shout over the howling wind to get her words across to Julian standing next to her. Admittedly, the girl quickly regretted it when sand got into her mouth.

"Who's Wiki?," Julian didn't know if May had heard his question or not because of this blasted storm.

"Ugh! That bloody sand!" The girl, cursing, began to read the spell again. A second later, they found themselves on top of a wall that was in the same wasteland.

"Well, at least here there wouldn't be sand flying into their eyes". She sighed. "So what did you tell-"

"What in the name of Yoba is going on here!?" May didn't have time to finish before she was interrupted by the shocked voice of the woman, who stood there looking at the two strangers as if they were aliens. Julian and May were stared at, in addition to the archer, by several other pairs of similarly surprised eyes from beneath their brown hoods.

"Invaders!", The man with the scarred face drew his sword, preparing to attack the poor farmers. The girl with the bow and the others also bared their weapons, someone even started reciting magic spells. Realising that the two self-taught mages were in trouble, May quickly grabbed Julian's hand and read the spell, already for the last time.

Poof! And they were back on the peaceful and tranquil farm again.

"Phew, that was close..." The girl sighed tiredly. "I think that's enough magic lessons for today."

Smiling at Julian, who was still in a state of shock, May let go of his hand.

"So, do you want to learn more C.H.E.A.T. magic?"

Julian slowly turned to face his friend, and nodded just as slowly. The adventure had scared him a little, but his curiosity and boyish desire for fun were greater than his fear. May smiled radiantly, already anticipating the mischief they both would cause for the Valley's residents.

Hey Mousey! It’s been a while since my last ask. Hope everything’s going well there. (◍•ᴗ•◍)

Anyway, I just had an idea. After reading your headcanon about the Farmer going full beast mode and absolutely wrecking the kidnappers to save their spouse, I couldn’t help but think… you’ve already done for SDV and SVE, so how about an RSV version?

I can totally picture the Farmer ready to throw hands if someone like Daia or Jio got kidnapped by Gabriella’s minions. Would love to see your take on it!

Hewwo again, dear moot :3 Glad to see you again in my askbox ❤️ I'm doing well, thanks for asking! Have a great day as well, and enjoy some more Ridgeside Village headcanons! (sorry for late reply 😅)

RSV bachelors/ettes reaction to their kidnapping for revenge/ransom, where their spouse Farmer, furious, comes to rescue them

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RSV bachelors:

The kidnapping of Zayne had been long and carefully planned, as the bandits realized that the disappearance of such an important figure would echo throughout the Republic. But the ransom for the young head of Amethyne made the gang dare to do this. Zayne was naturally shocked, though his Grandmother had warned him not to go out alone without servants/guards. The bandits were patiently waiting for money from Maive.... Huh, Farmer? They don't care about a farmer, even if they're Zayne's spouse. Big mistake. In half an hour Farmer whirled through kidnapper's lair, leaving a bootprint on the face of each lying scoundrel. Zayne even felt bad for mobs...

Hah! Those sneaky assholes think they can intimidate Bryle that easily? This isn't the first time he's been kidnapped to get information about the Governor, and the bodyguard will never reveal- "Screw your Governor, we want Farmer." W- what? They want... his spouse? "Don't know why Gabriella needs this farmer fool, but she pays well." They're so openly telling him the name of the client, those stupid bastards... Five minutes after furious Farmer appears, though, the smiles are gone from the kidnappers' faces (as their teeth as well). The freed Bryle immediately began to question the bandit who was still conscious, for he was worried about the whole thing.

Damn it... Jio let his guard down for a moment and the world before his eyes turned into darkness. He woke up in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by Gabriella's minions - not soulless husks yet, but soon enough.... "You and your spouse will pay for all the troubles you've set up for our queen!" Jio, unfortunately, couldn't answer anything with the gag in his mouth. And he couldn't warn his spouse about the trap, but it was unnecessary - like a ferocious bear, Farmer knocked out their husband's kidnappers, while Jio, who had already managed to free himself from his bonds and joined the fight, looked at them with admiration, because he had never seen them in battle before. Farmer indeed is an excellent fighter.

"I don't want to spoil your fun, but I'd advise you to let me go before my beloved gets here." The bandits, jubilant at the prospect of future profits for their dark deeds, looked at the rather calm June and laughed loudly at him. "Ooooh, how frightening! The little farmer who planted tulips in their spare time would come and punish us, ha!" "The little farmer" showed up immediately after gang's leader words, with their body making a huge hole in the stone wall, all red with anger. The kidnappers turned pale with fear and looked at June, to which the pianist responded by giving them an “I warned you” look. "Hey June, in the mood to play piano? You're about to play a funeral tune for this fuckers..."

"Fucking hell- why the fuck is he so big!?" Well, what did the kidnappers want - Ian is a big and strong guy, and he may not have any fighting skills, but thanks to his physical strength he was able to fight back some of the kidnappers quite well. Although, they took him in numbers. Ian was a little worried at first, but Farmer coming to rescue him gave the handyman a burst of confidence. "Ok, two of us against twenty-five mobs, that's even now." The gang leader thinks this Ian is a complete dumbass, but Farmer knocks four of the thugs out of the fight with one punch. Fuck...

"Why are you all so tense... There are other ways of making money, what's the point of kidnapping people?" Anton's feeble attempts were met with a loud cackle from the leader of the mobs. "Yo, boys, did you hear that? Hilarious. What did that Farmer even see in a loser like you?" Ouch. The architect muttered that he himself didn't know what Farmer had found of him, but a moment later a screaming and sword-waving Farmer burst into the last room of the gang's lair. "Where the fuck are you keeping my husband? Anton, my soul, I'm coming for you!" Anton forgot for fear and blushed slightly. And looked at Farmer with adoration throughout their fight with the gang.

"Hey, what are you so angry about, you got it all wrong.... "It was just a harmless prank! Yeah, we wanted to prank our old mate Sloan!" "I'm Sean," the poor bandit who had kidnapped Sean to get revenge on Farmer for some reason unknown to the handyman ("I should ask the Farmer for that...") instead of a confident man immediately started looking for ways to retreat when Farmer alone handled an entire army of his minions. The pity worked, but partially: Farmer didn't break the leader's neck, but broke his nose and sent him off to watch dreams. "So hon, how about some dinner at Pika's?" Farmer would gladly accept husband's proposition.

"Search him, boys. Maybe he's got something valuable on him." At the order of the head of the kidnapping gang, the two henchmen began rummaging through Kenneth's pockets, and the tickling sensations made the electrician squirm. "What's that?" One of the thugs found a strange device that looked like a bug. "Ah, it's just my little invention, lets my spouse know my location." "What..." An explosion went off in the next room, causing everyone to jump abruptly in place except Kenneth. ‘Oh, looks like I'm going home soon.’ Rest in peace, poor bandits.

During the kidnapping, Shiro managed to knock out one of the mobs. If it wasn't for his health problems, he would have knocked out the others without even breaking a sweat. Alright, Farmer should be arriving at the bandits' lair soon. "You seem a bit too confident for a man in your position..." "My spouse returns almost every day covered in the blood of giant monsters. What do you think they will do to you?" Such a statement made the gang leader stagger back. And went they completely pale when Farmer arrived (who had managed to beat up leader's minions). "Maybe if you ask for mercy, Farmer will forgive you..." (spoiler: Farmer hadn't forgiven them for kidnapping their husband).

Jeric had been forever telling Bryle that he had nothing to worry about him and that he didn't need any guards. Now, tied up in mob's lair, he somewhat wished he had listened to the advice of his adoptive father's bodyguard. "So pretty boy, how much would your daddy give for your life, hmm?" The bandit brought the dagger quite close to Jeric's face, causing the young lad to lean against the wall. A moment later, though, the cold steel of the sword was already close to the mob's own throat. "Farmer!" "That bastard hurt you?" Farmer made sure the freed Jeric was okay, and the two walked towards the exit, stepping over the bodies of the kidnappers that Farmer had knocked out with their bare hands.

Philip knows that he is in a rather dangerous situation. He knows that these kidnappers can hurt him and torture him. It's a stressful situation, no time for jokes. But he knows for aure Farmer will come to the rescue, and he wants to shout one phrase. "Philip, stop it, you're mature, you're mature, you're mature, you're mature..." The angry Farmer bursts in, knocking out one of the gang of kidnappers with one leg kick. "Call an ambulance, but not for me! Hah!" Heh, that brought a smile to Farmer's face before their grimace distorted again with anger as they saw the rest of the gang. Well at least Philip was alright and even managed to make a joke.

RSV bachelorettes:

"Why are you smiling, bitch? Soon you and the rest of the Cult will be no laughing matter!" Gabriella's minions stood next to Daia's cell and spat venom, promising torture and suffering, but nothing seemed to be able to wipe the innocent smile off her face. She knows her spouse is coming soon, and it's going to be truly fun. A trap for Farmer? Hee hee, it's not Farmer who ends up with the bandits, but the bandits with Farmer. And before they could say anything, they found themselves knocked out by Daia's spouse, who opened up their wife's cell and as a powerful couple started getting their asses kicked by all the kidnappers in the den. Daia was so excited by both rescue and how fiercely they fought, so strong! Maybe even a little too excited. "There's a bed in my cell, by the way~" Daia, no-

Maddie tried to be brave, but honestly, she wasn't very good at it. Just as the lab assistant was leaving her and Farmer's house to go to work, someone put a bag over her head, tied her up, and carried her off to an unknown location. With wolfish grins, the kidnappers wrote a letter to Farmer demanding 400 iridium bars or they would get their beautiful wife in pieces, while laughing at Maddie's attempts to hold back tears. To the rescue came an enraged Farmer, who beat up all the rascals, violently breaking noses and knocking out teeth, when he noticed tears on their wife's cheeks. Maddie is crying... those kidnappers will envy the dead.

"Boss, what if this farmer doesn't even have a coins?" One member of the kidnapping gang with a broken nose (thanks to Corine), was already doubting his boss's 'brilliant' plan to make a quick cash. The gang leader was about to bark at their subordinate for doubting their plans, but immediately their conversation was interrupted by the shouts of other members falling to the ground. "My dear spouse is here," Corine calmly summarized, she had no doubt that Farmer would quickly come to the rescue. "If I survive, I'll drop everything and start breeding roses." The poor gang member thought meekly, taking a second fist bump from the angry Farmer.

"Aha! Our sleeping pill plan worked! Good job, guys!" Sleeping pills... what? Flor thought she was still dreaming, as instead of a bedroom in her and her spouse's house, she sees a black ceiling in strange room, lying on an uncomfortable bed while men unknown to her sit nearby at a table discussing something. "200,000 gold!" "No, write 300,000 gold! This farmer is definitely rich!" Definitely a strange dream, Flor thought. And after a couple of moments the next thing she sees is the Farmer standing next to her and cautiously examining her. "Farmer, good morning. I'm about to make us some coffee- Where's the kitchen? W-where are we? Who's lying unconscious on the floor?!" Not a dream after all... But she's safe.

"Let me go, you brute! Scoundrel! Bandit!" Though the kidnappers had no trouble capturing Faye during her return from Ridgeside Village to Pelican Town, there was no way to shut the waitress up. The first time they gagged her, she spit the piece of clothes out, the second time... the thugs were afraid they'd lose their fingers. But when Farmer appeared before the whole company with a sword in their hands and fire in their eyes, the bitten fingers became the least concern of the kidnappers. "Can you imagine, dear, they put a filthy rag in my mouth! Yuck, disgusting!" Faye complained to her spouse, completely forgetting the fact that she had been kidnapped.

In general, Irene's kidnapping was accidental: the mobs were aiming for Zayne or other Amethyne grandchildren, but then mobs thought that this rich family would give a decent ransom for their personal chef as well. Especially since she was mumbling her spouse's name in fear.... So they'll give them money for her too, double profit! Right? Yeah, double trouble... Not only did the family members get the detectives, police and adventurers, but Irene's crazy spouse turned out to be an adventurer! In the end, a couple of kidnappers who had not yet had their legs broken by Farmer escaped while Farmer themself freed their wife from her restraints.

"AAAAAAAAA!" Instead of the desired revenge for Farmer's past actions, the leader of the gang got a headache. They caught Blair, Farmer's wife, but the fisherwoman somehow got out of the cage and now instead of logically trying to escape, she chases the leader's henchmen with a sword (where'd she get that?). Most of all, the leader is disappointed by their subordinates, since they can't catch the fisherwoman! They weren't surprised by the appearance of the enraged Farmer, because of course things are going to get even worse! "I just want a little revenge!" Frmer even felt a little sorry for them when they kicked the leader into dreamland and went home with a grinning Blair. The girl wasn't scared, even had a little fun.

Alissa had never seen a person so angry and furious. The two bandits who were holding her and preventing her from escaping were mocking the poor girl in every possible way, telling her that she would soon say goodbye to her spouse, while the leader of the gang waited patiently for Farmer. She thought she saw pure hatred when the leader told her that Farmer will pay for all his humiliations in the past. But pure hatred she saw in the eyes of her arrived partner. Hatred for the bandits who had stolen Alissa, made her cry, possibly tortured her. And with what hatred they would break the hands of the scoundrels. The girl was even a little afraid of Farmer after that rescue.

In kidnapping Paula to demand ransom from her spouse, the mob members underestimated her. They knew she was a doctor. They forgot that Paula is a military doctor and knows perfectly well how to defend herself. They didn't even get to their lair - Paula broke out of her restraints again and started knocking out her captors. Farmer joined the fight, knocking all the villains down, breaking their bones, and chasing them away. "I've done pretty well for myself here, dear." But she's so glad Farmer came up. Her duty as a doctor, by the way, calls for at least basic care for those they've knocked out.

"You will regret about that..." Ysabelle's words sounded unconvincing to the gang of kidnappers, who only laughed at the girl and went on with their business. So she just sighed heavily and waited. Ysabelle had nothing else to do but to wait for rescue from Farmer and her grandfather. But she didn't have to wait long: as if materializing out of thin air, Farmer used the element of surprise, kicked half of the bandits' asses, freed their beloved wife, and teleported home with the farm totem, leaving the other half of the bandits with.... 50 megabombs. The explosion was loud... "Yikes, kinda feel bad for them." "I don't. Do you want to visit your grandfather first?"

"Ti prenderò a calci in culo!" The kidnappers have no idea what Kiarra yelled at them throughout their time in their lair, but one can guess that the words were clearly not very polite. They generally tried to ignore it, consoling themselves with thoughts of a large share of the ransom gold they had received. Farmer, angry as a swarm of hornets, quickly interrupted their sweet dreams by appearing out of nowhere and literally throwing a few bricks (the bricks came from a hole Farmer had made with a single punch) in the direction of some of the bandits. All this to the delighted exclamations of Kiarra. "Give 'em hell, darling!"

"𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗚𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗽𝗮'𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗿... "

I hope you're proud of me, Grandpa! 😔

(Finally! I finished the Mastery Cave. I find it hilarious that I still haven't finish Perfection but I finish this one. Need to complete the Monster Slayer one.)

Summary: Sebastian wakes up in the middle of the night to find his pregnant farmer wife, Aleia, indulging in her latest bizarre craving.

The farmhouse was bathed in moonlight, its wooden beams creaking softly in the stillness of the night. The air outside was crisp, carrying the faint scent of pine and distant ocean waves. Inside, everything was peaceful except for the subtle rustling of blankets and the faint creak of the bed as Aleia carefully slid out from under Sebastian’s arm.

She moved with practiced stealth, her roseate hair swaying as she tiptoed toward the door. But even with her best efforts, Sebastian stirred, his hand instinctively reaching for her in his half-asleep daze. Instead of warmth, he was met with cool, empty sheets. His brows furrowed. Sleepy or not, he knew Aleia was supposed to be there.

Dragging himself up, Sebastian ran a hand through his tousled dark plum hair, exhaling as he rubbed his face. With sluggish movements, he padded barefoot out of the room, eyes scanning the dimly lit hallway. The bathroom light was off. That ruled out his first guess.

Then, faintly, the warm glow of the kitchen flickered under the door.

Sebastian squinted. At this hour?

With quiet steps, he approached, pushing the door open slightly.

There, under the kitchen’s soft golden light, stood Aleia, her eyes gleaming with mischief as she hunched over the counter, caught in the act. Her cheeks were puffed up, stuffed with something. And in her hand? A piece of watermelon.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “Cravings again?”

Aleia turned toward him, blinking innocently as she struggled to chew. “Mhm!” she garbled, before finally swallowing. “I needed this.”

Sebastian let out a breathy chuckle, crossing his arms as he leaned against the doorframe. “Watermelon?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “It’s so juicy and sweet.” Then, as if suddenly remembering something, she reached behind her and grabbed—oh dear Yoba!—a jar of mayonnaise.

Sebastian’s expression immediately dropped.

“Oh no.” he muttered, dread settling in. “Not this again.”

Aleia grinned mischievously. “Oh yes.”

Without hesitation, she unscrewed the lid and like it was the most normal thing in the world, tilted the jar back, taking a long sip of mayonnaise like it was a gourmet beverage.

Sebastian visibly recoiled. “ALEIA, WHY?”

She smacked her lips, sighing in contentment. “I dunno, Sebby. It just hits different.”

Sebastian stared at her, absolutely appalled. “You used to do that before pregnancy, and I thought maybe, just maybe, you’d grow out of it. But no. No. The baby is only enabling you.”

Aleia shrugged before nonchalantly dipping her watermelon slice into the mayo and taking a delighted bite.

Sebastian looked personally betrayed. “That’s an abomination.”

Aleia gasped dramatically. “Excuse me? This is peak cuisine.”

“That is sacrilegious.” Sebastian countered.

“Oh, and you’re one to talk?” Aleia huffed, setting down her watermelon and crossing her arms. “You eat cold sashimi straight from the fridge at 2 AM like some kind of gremlin and think I’m the weird one?”

Sebastian opened his mouth to argue but then paused. Damn. She had a point.

“That’s completely different.” he muttered.

Aleia smirked. “Mhm. Keep telling yourself that.”

Sebastian exhaled sharply before stepping closer, slipping his arms around her waist. Despite the culinary war crimes she was committing, he still pressed a soft kiss to her temple. “You are so lucky I love you.” he murmured against her hair.

Aleia giggled, nuzzling into him. “I know.”

Sebastian’s hands found their way to her slightly rounded belly, rubbing slow, soothing circles. “How’s our little night owl?” he asked softly.

Aleia hummed, resting her free hand over his. “Oh, just making sure I never sleep again,” she teased. “Apparently, our kid is a night creature like their dad.”

Sebastian smirked. “At least they take after me in something.”

Aleia rolled her eyes before nudging him playfully. “You’re really clingy, you know that?”

“You like it.”

“…I do.” she admitted with a grin.

Sebastian glanced at the counter. “So, is it just the watermelon or should I prepare myself for something worse?”

Aleia chewed her lip, suddenly looking very guilty.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes. “Aleia… what else did you eat?”

She hesitated before mumbling, “Pickles.”

Sebastian nodded slowly. “Okay, not too bad.”

“With peanut butter.”

His expression dropped. “Oh, no.”

“…And a little bit of hot sauce.”

Sebastian groaned. “Sweetheart, that’s not food.”

Aleia pouted, poking his chest. “Says the guy who hoards pumpkin soup like a dragon and refuses to share.”

Sebastian gasped, placing a hand over his heart in mock offense. “Hey. That soup is sacred.”

Aleia grinned triumphantly before finishing off the last bite of her cursed watermelon. “There. Now I’m good.”

Sebastian sighed, shaking his head. “Alright, come on, weird cravings queen. Let’s get you back to bed before you start dipping pumpkin soup in ranch dressing.”

“…That’s actually not a bad idea.”

Sebastian groaned.

With a laugh, Aleia wrapped her arms around his neck. “You love me.” she teased.

Sebastian kissed her forehead. “That’s the only reason I’m putting up with this.”

Hand in hand, they walked back to their room, the dim glow of the kitchen light fading behind them. As they curled up under the covers, Sebastian wrapped his arms around her again, his warmth chasing away the night’s chill.

“Good night, my love,” he murmured against her hair.

Aleia smiled sleepily, snuggling into his chest. “Night, Sebby.”

The farmhouse settled back into silence, the moonlight casting a soft glow over them. And despite the absolute madness of her cravings, Sebastian knew one thing for certain.

He wouldn’t trade any of this for the world.

Hey guys! I just uploaded a new chapter “Caldarus's Accidental Guide to Wooing a Farmer” Here’s a sneak peek:

“You’re catching on fast.” she admitted, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Maybe you won’t burn the kitchen down after all.”

Caldarus let out a low hum, his voice laced with dry amusement. “Your faith in me is truly touching. Should I take that as encouragement?”

“Take it as a miracle.” she shot back without missing a beat.

After finishing the prep, they moved on to the stove, where Isaria began explaining how to handle the cauldron properly. “Just a simple simmer. No excessive flames, no magical shortcuts, just patience.”

Caldarus nodded, setting the fire beneath the cauldron with measured control. Everything seemed to be going well until Isaria turned away for a mere moment to grab another ingredient. Before he could respond, a sudden boom shook the room, sending a burst of smoke billowing from the other side of the kitchen. Isaria whipped around, eyes widening at the sight of the cauldron, now engulfed in flames. “Oh, for the love of—! Caldarus! What did you do?!”

“I followed the steps exactly as you instructed.” he said, though his gaze flicked between the fire and her with mild concern.

Here's the link of the fic:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63931303/chapters/163977091