I Am Choosing To Keep Going.

i am choosing to keep going.

its the hardest choice in thus terrible moment - my chest pains are worse then normal, my achey bones feeling more jagged then normal in this anxious moment. but i’m going to live because thats what they dont want me to do.

i have a family. friends. a boyfriend i love. classmates who deserve futures. teachers who care about me. people i voluenteer with. grandparents. cousins. online friends - fellow americans and from distant places who i care deeply about.

i’m a disabled queer afab young adult and i’m so fucking scared.

and i need to keep going. because if i let fear control me, i’m letting them control me.

i’m going to be myself no matter what they try and do to me, because i know i’m strong enough to keep going.

so write. create art. sing. tell your family you love them. make good food. watch your favorite show. listen to a good song. laugh at your pet’s antics. read a good book. be yourself, even in the face of hatred.

i may feel foolish to choose humanity in these circumstances but that doesnt mean i’m not going to try to make things better for the people around me.

will you do the same? will you choose to try and make things better? will you call your representives, try to talk to people who oppose you, try to show them that we’re human no matter what you say?

cause i sure as hell will.

call it wishful thinking, call it denial, call it someone trying to pick up the pieces and form themself back into something resembling functional.

we’re not going to stop having lives worth living because people think we don’t deserve them.

and we’re gonna fucking prove it.

II Gijinkas (The Whole Cast)

S1 & S2:

Invitational:

After FIVE months of hard work, here they are! My gijinkas/designs on every II character ever! The whole cast of contestants, yes! I uploaded the hosts and such on a different post that is on my pinned one.

I started doing these back then in... March, and the older ones are Test Tube, Fan, Paintbrush, Lightbulb & Trophy. I do think on remaking their reference sheets eventually, but for now? Have these. I loved making these designs cause they allowed me to break from a very hard art block.

How to tell you're genderfluid: A list of experiences

You have "identity issues" and constantly change how you identify

I kept constantly changing my identity. I could never stick to one identity. I was never permanently happy. These "identity issues" you have may just be genderfluidity.

You feel like a different gender depending on your environment or who you're with

For me, when I'm online and in the company of other trans people I usually feel masculine, bigender, or like a man. When I'm alone I feel the same way. When I'm with my partner or with female friends I feel feminine or like a woman.

Some days you have dysphoria and other days you don't

Somedays I just want to rip my afab body parts off. some days I want amab body parts. Some days I'm happy with and love my female body parts. Some days I feel neutral about them.

You're constantly changing your pronouns

Not every genderfluid person is pronounfluid, but some are! I used to change my pronouns a lot and still do to an extent.

Sometimes your assigned pronouns feel good, but other times they make you uncomfortable

Some days you may feel content with someone using your "assigned pronouns", but other days it may cause dysphoria or uncomfortableness.

Your mental health isn't in the best shape

We usually can't take permanent measures such as medical transition, so it usually leads to us having lots of distressing moments. This includes dysphoria and being perceived as a different gender than you feel at the moment.

You wish you could shapeshift

This one sounds funny, but this is an experience I've had a lot. I wish I could shapeshift into whatever gender I'm feeling like at the moment. Sometimes I wish I had a machine I could step into that would change my gender whenever I wanted.

Gender changes can happen every week, every day, or even throughout the day. There are many ways that people experience genderfluidity. I used to think I couldn't be genderfluid because my gender changed a lot throughout the day. That's not the case!

Every genderfluid person is different. One genderfluid person may have a collection of identities while another has a completely different set of identities. Even if they have the same identities, they still won't experience them the same way.

I am not claiming these experiences are universal. You may not experience some of these things and still be genderfluid! If any genderfluid person has any experiences they'd like to add, please do!

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