A Study I Did Because I Realized Idk How To Draw Environments At All LMAO

I think one of the most damaging ideologies towards children is the conviction that having children isn’t a calling but a moral obligation.

Oh my god you took the words out of my brain. I love it.

people change you and sometimes that is the worst thing in the entire world because you used to like yourself a little more but now you hate the flinch that lives in your shoulderblades and you overthink every moment and you never set a boundary without feeling internally destroyed and it fucking sucks because they shouldn't get to do that, they already ruined your life the once, it shouldn't echo into the future

but also people change you and sometimes that is the softest morning and the best surprise. realizing that you can divide things into perfect thirds without trying because you were a sibling in a group of 3 and always needed to measure out things. you learned to skip rope and step around cracks from the kid down the street. you love the way your favorite english teacher influenced your writing.

you're old enough these days to know your mother was right and you should take a coat just in case it gets cold but you are still too young to have outrun the thunderstorm of your childhood. you arrange your spoons the way you learned growing up but you've since reorganized the rest of your kitchen to make sense to you and the way that you like working. you fold your clothes actually still based on the marie kondo method (you just like the habit of it) but you allow yourself to just-loosely-chuck-some-of-it-in because really who has the fuckin' time for it.

you still can't be in the room while people look at your art (some kind of weird mix of guilt, shame, and embarrassment) but you picked up certain words and phrases from friends that help you slow down and treat yourself a little bit gentle with it. you always take other people's crafts with a reverence like praying, but you can't help that when you see your own work from a few years ago, you mirror someone else's snort of disdain. you saw other people's bodies and freckles and stretch marks and scars and you realized they are all still fucking beautiful to you, almost obscenely so, because they belong to someone you care for so deeply that it blocks out the sun - but you can't help the little flash of self-judgement whenever you pass a mirror; the voice from too-many years of 90's and 00's skinny-means-you've-won.

and it's kind of funny because you meet someone new and while they're making friends with you, you get to see these little stories playing out of them. you meet your mom and you think oh that's where they get the accent and you meet their college roommate and you think that's the same joke you both make and you meet their friend and you think ah so this is explains the oddly vast knowledge of freshwater lakes

and then one day in the mirror you reach your hand up to push back your hair and you think - oh shit, that was them. or you make a comment and you think ah, stole that from someone else. or you stand in the store and get that random flash of they would totally tell me to buy this. and it is like a little strange river to bind you to them - that over all this time and space, their hands guide your hands and your heart in silence. it is good and it is bad and is so precious and so horrible. it is both proof of love on this earth and it is also the thing that is keeping you hurt.

a little promise that is probably true: somewhere out there, your hands are ever-so-often guiding them too.

I hate spring. I hate spring ‘cause it makes me think of her. I thought I was over her, I got so used to ignoring the dull ache in my chest that I tricked myself into thinking that it had gone away. That I could feel normally for once, that I could fall for someone else, someone that would like me back. But then I started comparing them unconsciously. Because she’s perfect. Perfect in all the ways other than caring about me like I care about her. Which isn’t a flaw, and I respect her feelings. I understand I’m not entitled to her love, that I’m lucky enough to be her best friend. I thought I was finally over her. It’ll be seven years soon. Seven years of being in love with someone that doesn’t love me back. It’s stopped hurting now, more like an emptiness than an ache.

All the advice I’ve found for getting over someone is to point out their flaws to yourself, strip away the rose colored glasses and find reasons they aren’t the one, and to distance yourself from them, which I can’t do. I have stripped away the rose tint, years ago when I first told her how I felt, when she first told me she didn’t feel the same. But all the flaws I find only make me love her more. She’s too blunt, and can hurt people with it, but she never means to, and immediately apologizes and restates when she realizes it hurt someone. She’s incredibly competitive, which isn’t even a flaw. She’s exactly the kind of person I need, we’re opposites in almost everything. She runs hot and I run cold, but her hands are always cold and mine are always warm. She’s competitive and outgoing most of the time but in quiet moments she’s so soft and sweet and I’m soft and gentle most of the time, only more playful and outgoing when I’m with my friends. She listens to me ramble, even when she doesn’t really get it, which I don’t expect her to. She knows what I mean when I run out of words, or I get stuck on a word, or I can’t speak. She knows what I need even when I don’t know, and she never makes a big deal about it.

I miss her. We haven’t been the same since October. We used to be closer, physically I mean, we’re still about the same emotionally. I’m a very tactile person, and pre October she was one of my main sources of contact, whenever we were together we were always touching, but now it’s just, light touches here or there and it’s just,, different, somehow.

I don’t know, this is getting long and at this point I’m just rambling, but I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this, so.

do u speak french 🇫🇷⁉️

reblogs and screaming in tags is always appreciated <33

Please return us to a world where Notp and squick are used for a ship you don’t like instead of just making up a load of bullshit about how immoral it is or w/e lol 

Why didn't Wu Ming give Xie Lian a Cornetto in canon, maybe he'd have calmed down a little

Fun fact!! Groups of hermit crabs in the wild are called clusters! So it’s a cluster of hermits!

A gang of hermits,, a group of hermits,,,, a gaggle of hermits,,,

Hell yeah, knife day!!

happy ides of March

I don’t normally believe this stuff, but a toasty bagel sounds nice.