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did i hear somebody say  j o h n  m u l a n y ?

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

reblog this right f!cking now please

Listen up!

You see a post like this? Where OP might hurt/kill themselves? You hit that button that I circled

Hit that.

Click Suicide or Self-harm Concern

Yes.

Fill in the rest of it, and hit submit. The “content you reported” will fill itself in

Tumblr will follow up and help them.

Warning: this is only for mobile. If anyone knows how to do this for desktop, please add it!

This could SAVE SOMEONE’S LIFE.

YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE NOT TO REBLOG THIS.

I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF IT DOESN’T GO WITH YOUR BLOG’S THEME.

And yes, REBLOG. Liking does no shit at all. This isn’t ig.

You reblog, people see it. You don’t, people don’t see it. This shit’s that simple.

This could save someone’s life. It’s not a joke.

this is canon

final offer, Patton. One (1) Virgil in exchange for that smooth rock u found in the imagination two weeks ago

yo ima draw this as a cryptid now  y a y

In honor of the first frost of the year, I propose a new winter cryptid: the Snow Crow.

Who sparks those ice crystals along rooftops and cars?  If they’re in a good spot for sledding, it might just be a Snow Crow.

the porcupine sounds liek a  p o k e m o n

A porcupine’s Halloween present (+ original sound effects)

*screaming sounds of being a naughty child*

Santa is on strike due to global warming.  All presents this year will be delivered by Sasha the Christmas Tiger.  Milk and cookies may not be sufficient.

[SOURCE]

Maternity kits, medical threads and scissors, water testing kits, anesthetics, mobile desalination units, etc do you see the pattern? Israel is not only starving the people of Gaza but it also wants to ensure the spread of disease through contaminated water and surgical tools, as well as ensuring injured Palestinians suffer through horrendous pain.

It's beyond sickening.

no they are not

it’s interesting how wii channel music became shorthand for millennial existential despair. it was composed to be cheerful and quirky, but as the miis are symbolic of ourselves they inherited our agony

third year here. yay

kewl, ima be seasonal depression... or sleep