Shout-out To Our Creative Writing Tutors At Uni Who Chose THIS Header Image For Our Graduation Project's

my body is a machine that turns moving into clickity-clackity

Thank you person in the tags for doing what I couldn't, my linguistic prowess only goes so far.

Tumblr seems fond of the Ukrainian "living is hard, dying would be a pity", so here's another part of Ukrainian vernacular that you guys might also like. This one is new and developed in 2022.

I would like to introduce it to you in the following context: it was August 2022, I returned to Ukraine for the first time since evacuating in March and was going through baby's first in a while air raid (in Odesa). I texted my best friend, who never left Kyiv, saying that I'm scared to go to sleep in case I wake up having died of a missile or whatever. She put on her very best Yoda face and bestowed upon me the following:

"1. Їбане так їбане." (Yibane tak yibane).

Now, this is extremely hard to explain, but I will try, to the best of my ability.

So, the basic meaning of it is: "If it strikes, it strikes". However, the verb for "strike" here is derived from the profane root word which basically means "to fuck". So a closer stylistic choice would be, "If it fucks you up, it fucks you up", or "If your ass gets struck, your ass gets struck". This is usually spoken before the person decides to ignore the air raid, set aside the feeling of impending doom and go to sleep.

That wasn't the end:

"2. І взагалі навряд чи їбане. (But in general it probably won't.)

3. Але якщо їбане - так їбане. (But if it strikes, then it strikes)."

That night I slept like a baby and didn't, in fact, wake up dead.

So if you are currently dealing with the impending doom around horrors you have no control over, take the wisdom of Ukrainians who have been grappling with horrors beyond comprehension for over three years now (some longer):

Їбане так їбане.

І взагалі навряд чи їбане.

Go to sleep.

Tried to insert an image into a Tumblr post for the first time and failed and yelled "TUMBLR WHY ARE YOU SO HARD" and my flatmate said without looking up

"well it likes you"

i am nooooot locked the fuck in. im locked the fuck out. call the locksmith

One of my friends is a piano tuner. Her dream, or at least her parents' dream, was to be a concert pianist. Turns out she liked messing with the mechanisms more than she liked memorizing songs. It also turns out that "decent piano tuner" pays a lot more than "failed concert pianist," which helped convince her parents as well.

In the same way, I don't think there's any shame in being a race car driver's mechanic. Racing is a team effort. Everyone on that team has to contribute as best they can. From the crew chief who remembers things like "what weekend the race is on," to the intern who puts air in the tires of the car-hauling trailer, they can all share in a victory.

Thing is, the media likes a hero. It's hard to do a story about a whole bunch of people doing their job properly. Not much drama in it. They think we want to see a radical, a loner, a real protagonist. Even the TV news likes to ensure the happenings of the world are conveyed to you entirely by a cabal of all-knowing, handsome talking heads. More heroes, selling you the story of other heroes.

Those people don't really exist, and when they do, they're kind of unpleasant because they won't help you with your shit. Race cars need mechanics; concert pianists need tuners; everyone needs somebody.

That's why I've decided to more flagrantly violate the traffic laws. It's only by stretching these laws to their maximum that the lawmakers will truly appreciate the hard work of the dedicated civil servants who anticipated things like not letting me pull my Volare with a bunch of sled dogs. And if I do manage to find something new, they will all get a great opportunity to come together as a team and ban it. No need to thank me; just doing my part.

Studying English as a second language my whole life literally ruined learning any other languages for me. I just googled the verb form "ignoren" in Spanish and saw that it was second person plural imperative and I went 'hm, second person plural? that's weird' and then remembered that MY NATIVE LANGUAGE FUCKING HAS SECOND PERSON PLURAL I USE IT DAILY

Seeing a coworker/classmate sitting to the side and reading a book while on their break and then coming up to them and asking "what are you reading" should be illegal actually

Yes yes I know this too shall pass but christ alive man it's passing like a gotdamn kidney stone

I'll never forget how in 2023-ish there was a post on Instagram about the difficulties Ukrainian refugees face in the UK and I commented with my own experience to support the sentiment, and in response a helpful™ person from the US told me to just move to the US, what did I expect when refugee-ing to the UK, the US would've been much better. And I might have been at least nice about my response had they not been extremely condescending, but they infuriated me so much that I said, "I would feel safer in Kyiv now than in the US any day".

Anyway this has been aging rapidly since I said it first and it horrifies me how true this rings today.

Move to Ukraine, at least we have affordable healthcare!

Okay so this post breached containment I think so I feel the need to clarify, because the vibes in the notes seem to suggest that people see this as an inspirational quote bestowed onto someone to help them soldier on. That's not how Ukrainians do it. Rather, imagine a person that looks like they haven't slept in three days and also hiked up a mountain. They are asked "Hey how you doing buddy", and in response they let out the deepest, most done with this shit sigh you can imagine, mutter their favourite curse word and THEN they say the phrase (which, by the way, is four words in Ukrainian - тяжко жити, шкода вмерти/tyazhko zhyty, shkoda vmerty). It's said as if they're trying to convince themselves that dying would, indeed, he a pity. The other person looks at them, their eyes full of understanding, sighs also and then says "well at least we're not russians".

And THAT is what helps a Ukrainian soldier on.

One of the biggest issues of moving to England as a person who is Ukrainian AND neurodivergent is not knowing how to answer the small talk question of "how are you", but today I was reminded that Ukrainian blessed me with the phrase that roughly translates as "living is hard but dying would be a pity" and can we please naturalise it so I can use it all day every day