I Hate When People Tell Me I’m “quiet” Lmao I Just Don’t Fuck With You

Fear of being boring

If you were a child who grew up fearing that you’re boring everybody by talking, then it more than likely stemmed from invalidation as a child.

Sometimes as children we find a topic we enjoy, and talk endlessly about it. Most parents might not be wildly enthusiastic on the inside, but they will show interest for the child to validate them. Mine were different, they showed absolutley no interest whatsoever, no matter what the subject of interest was. They behaved as if I was boring them, or they said they were tired, busy or had a headache. Constant invalidation or uninterest was rampant in our house.

To make matters worse, they were fascinated if my brother brought up the same subject, and to this day they both deny their obvious favouritism. And on the rare occassions they did show interest, I found myself questioning the sincerity of their supposed interest. And then it happened. “We’re doing it to be polite”. Those words angrily buzzed like startled wasps in my brain. I was so surprised and hurt that they could lie, after screaming and calling me names for some sneaky lies (“no, I didn’t do anything wrong”). I stopped talking to them about things I liked altogether, not just to them, to everyone.

As a result, if I get carried away with a subject in adulthood, I repeatedly apologise for being boring or uninteresting. And if they do show interest, I always question the sincerity of it. “Are you sure I’m not boring?” “Really? If I am I’ll shut up”. Are two of my most common phrases. Other times I won’t care and I’ll waffle on about what I please. But there’s always a part of me that holds back on too much enthusiasm. I am always second guessing whether someone is genuinely interested in what I have to say. And this, parents, is why you validate your children. Otherwise they’ll grow up thinking everybody secretly hates them and is bored by them.

“my life is an out of body experience disconnected from everything around feelings i just don’t know my mind is a black hole and all those sleepless night knowing i’m never going where i want to go”

— t.m.

No, you don’t understand. People with BPD notice everything. We notice when you don’t smile as wide at us one morning. We notice when you don’t hug as tight. When you don’t sound quite as happy when speaking to us. When you look the slightest bit uninterested in what we’re saying.

And when you talk to someone else. When you talk to someone else and look like you’re enjoying yourself, we assume that you’d rather be with them all of the time. So we leave before you can confirm or deny that.

And if you start telling us about a fun time you had with someone else it will not end well. We might be too shy to speak up about it, but it’ll still eat away at us. We’ll feel abandoned. 

And “You should have been there!” is the absolute worst thing to say. We know we should have been there. We want to have been there. We know you had fun and we’re happy that you did, but the sadness of feeling abandoned completely obliterates that. So don’t rub it in.

Instead, say, “Yeah, we had fun, but I’m glad I’m here now” or, “… that you’re here now”. It really makes us feel loved and appreciated. 

I know this barely scratches the surface of what we feel on a daily basis, but I hope this can help those who don’t know.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

it sucks how you still stick around for friends that are in need of help or need a shoulder but when you need that help or shoulder they leave you or block you😔😔😔

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* reblog or like if you ever felt like this*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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To the girl we lost to suicide

I can’t stop thinking about you. You committed suicide over the summer but I still can’t accept the fact that you’re gone. You put on a fake smile for everyone and laughed until you cried. Your family misses you, and so do your friends. We had a suicide prevention assembly after what happened, your friends had to get up and leave because they couldn’t stop thinking of you. Everytime I hear your name, my heart breaks a little. It’s hard going through each day not hearing your laughter. The night you decided to end your life you texted your friends, “I love you guys,” but they never thought twice about it because that’s just who you were. You had so much love to give. You were so beautiful, and so loved. We miss you babygirl. Rest easy.