Eric: Rachel Gave Me A “Get Better Soon” Card

Jason: alright, listen up you little shits

Jason: not you, Salim, you’re an angel and i’m glad you’re here

Salim: Have you guys seen Jason?

Rachel: No, haven’t seen him since the storm started

Nick: Since the sto- JASON NO!

Meanwhile, Jason standing in the middle of a thunderstorm with a shovel raised high: STRIKE ME DOWN ZEUS, YOU DON’T HAVE THE BALLS

Zain: I can’t find my phone

Jason: I can call it for you

Zain: wait no-

Phone ringing: you are my dad (your my dad) BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE

Zain:

Jason:

Zain: I can explain-

Nick: What happened to my fun girlfriend?

Rachel: I was never fun, you take that back.

Eric, teaching Jason to drive: Okay, you're driving and Salim and I walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit? 

Jason: Oh, definitely you. I could never hurt Salim. 

Eric, massaging his temples: The brakes, Kolchek. You hit the brakes.

Jason: Are you a painting?

Salim: What-?

Jason: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

All of the confused marines: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG HIM OR SOMETHING-

Zain, reading a book Jason gave him: Baba, what's a brothel?

Salim, after a long pause: It's a place where they make soup.

Nick, out of the blue on a random tuesday: Cats and cows love me.

Jason: How do you know this?

Nick: Vermont.

Jason: Elaborate?

Nick: No.

meanwhile jason is kicking and screaming bloody murder

Nick: I gotcha!

Jason: I WILL KILL YOUR PARENTS I WILL END YOUR BLOODLINE PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW.

Absolute tomfoolery

Salim: So, what was your childhood like?

Jason: Oh, you mean my tragic backstory that you must be at least level 3 friendship to unlock?

Salim: ...What level am I at?

Jason: 10. So it all started-