Thanks, Obama!

I just know jedediah is one of those men with slutty little waists

I can feel it in my bone(r)s

Ngl I think I’ve said “hold up fellas let me get my frank sinatra on” to my friends(obviously do you really think I’d say that to anyone else)

Stuff that Jedediah Smith would probably say that my cowboy grandpa has said:

-*talking to a cow* WELL YER JUS’ AS DUMB AS A GRASSHOPPER

-It ain’t a crime if ya don’t get caught. Here’s the keys

-That dumb ol’ Ichabod

-Well lightin’ struck the fence an’ seventeen cows were dead. Mighty unfortunate. Smelled like a good barbacue though

-*A fly goes into the bug zapper and dies* (laughs maniacally)There goes another!

- HAPPY?! We ain’t naming our dog Happy!

-Gosh why d’ya make me clean up the food? *begins to eat the rest of the cake*

-Hold up fellas lemme get my Frank Sinatra on

-Cats?! I don’ like cats! *timeskip to five seconds later. He’s holding the cat* ain’t ya jus’ the sweetest?

don't fucking interrupt me when i'm reading my x reader fics it's rude

My best friend loves rob pattinson and over the years she sent me a lot of articles/quotes of him, so here are some of my favourites

(there is A LOT more, this man is INSANE)

Bonus:

Part 2

Yea I made this awhile ago but my views have changed capoleon is disgusting