“teach Me”

Has this been done yet?

𝙄𝙩’𝙨 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙪𝙞𝙡𝙩-𝙞𝙣 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨

Rei Sakuma x GN reader x Ritsu Sakuma sibling hcs (platonic ofc)

cws: none

notes: forgive me for writing so many hc posts lately 😭😭 school has been beating me up

two famous and successful idols

who happen to be both of your brothers

and coincidentally, always in competition with each other

it would be an interesting experience to say the least… but of course, like every other siblings, you guys do get into a lot of fights 😭

the fights are usually between rei and ritsu though lol

you’ll always be the one to break the fight

other than that, they’re really sweet!

rei likes to listen to you ramble about mundane topics

i also like to think that he’s always the one to buy you desserts or maybe some trinkets as little gifts

please keep his presents carefully 🙏 that’s kind of his way to say that he cares for you

ritsu on the other hand likes physical touch and quality (nap) time

he sometimes brings you around places to look for mao or just to find a place to sleep

ritsu does NOT like it when you hang out with rei and would pull you away if he feels like you’ve been hanging around him for too long

he cannot have his favorite sibling giving someone else more attention 💀

but anyways, whenever the bros have concerts, just seeing you in the crowd gives them more confidence and motivation

you’ll always be cheering them on! no matter the circumstances

they’re your brothers and you wouldn’t trade them for anything (i hope)

CUTIES

i am stacking them

no way tsukasa has teeth what

tsukasa suou. you agree. reblog.

title » dating hcs

pairing » natsume sakasaki & leo tsukinaga x gn!reader

requested? » yes

genre » fluff

a/n » i lied when i said id post this earlier, but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless <3

➳ natsume sakasaki

✧ natsume can either be the sweetest boyfriend ever or the biggest menace you've ever seen. it really depends on his mood.

✧ on some days, he constantly holds your hand, helps you with your homework, buys you snacks, lets you sit in his lap while he conducts experiments and gives you compliments about every single aspect of you

✧ on other days, he's avoiding all of your attempts at kissing him just to spite you, teasing you about the smallest things and frustrating you on purpose. please smack him.

✧ he just likes to see you mad at him, he loves provoking you. most of the time he's really sweet, though.

✧ if you like to drink coffee, tea, boba, energy drinks or anything of the sort, he'll buy it for you all the time; it's practically a part of his routine now.

✧ he also likes to buy you things that remind him of you like crystals of your favourite colour or things you've been wanting for a while. can you tell i hc that his love language is gift giving yet

✧ he's not too big on pda, but when he gets jealous.. all of his reluctance concerning it disappears — and he gets jealous very very easily, especially when it comes to tsumugi.

✧ whenever you talk to tsumugi, you'll see natsume giving him the most disgusted stare you've ever seen. honestly he's like this with everybody he thinks has been hogging too much of your attention.

✧ when this drags on for too long, he'll eventually grow tired and either hug you from behind while giving the person in front of you a nasty glare or hold your hand and tug on it it while making some poor excuse to leave.

✧ he really likes cafe dates because you two can talk on and on about everything and nothing. study dates with him are also frequent but you two tend to get distracted because neither of you can shut up in the other's presence. he also loves shopping dates and refuses to let you pay.

✧ will text you at the most random times because he wants attention. you could be in class and he'd text you to come to the secret library and you're like '??? did something happen?', but he just wanted a kiss.

✧ very clingy, but refuses to admit it. he really likes to hold your hand whenever you're near him and likes to lay his head in your lap when he's tired, but whenever you bring it up, he calls those instances 'moments of weakness'. please smack him. (2)

✧ he's so soft for you. he'll never say it out loud, but his actions speak loud enough already <3

➳ leo tsukinaga

✧ leo is a very,, energetic lover, to say the least. is he incredibly sweet? yes. will he give you a few headaches along the way? also yes.

✧ he really likes physical affection and is very clingy — he gives you hugs as a greeting and fully expects you to pick him up and spin him around. he loves giving you cheek kisses at any point in time.

✧ has no qualms about pda; he can and will glue himself to your side wherever you are. izumi is so tired of you at this point, you'll catch him looking at you two with a grimace on his face when you're being affectionate.

✧ he's very spontaneous about dates. he's the type of partner that considers all the time he spends with you as a date. however, his favourite kind of dates are amusement park dates or picnic dates.

✧ he's a horrid cuddler, i'm sorry. he can't stay still and he has to switch the position he's lying in every 5 seconds, but he clings onto you whenever he's sleeping regardless of this </3

✧ he does this cute thing where he holds both of your hands in his and jumps around when he's excited, it's so adorable

✧ whenever he has to write a romantic song for knights, he uses you as his muse. you're his muse in general, honestly. he loves having you around when he's writing lyrics — you'll see him intensely staring at you for inspiration before a grin breaks out on his face and he continues to focus on the paper he's writing on.

✧ he loves to talk to you about his day. when he comes home, you'll see him dragging you to the living room, sitting you both down and start to talk your ear off about what happened that day. if for some reason he can't come over, he'll call you instead.

✧ he texts you very often and it's mostly random pictures he took throughout the day. he loves to send these to you because he thinks that having you witness what happens throughout his day makes up for the fact that you two aren't together at that moment.

✧ your relationship is so sickeningly sweet that everyone is so tired of seeing it <3

bf texts with rin !

character/s: rin

warnings/notes: this is the first smau i'm posting so pls be nice >:(((

masterlist

likes and rbs are appreciated! requests for smaus are opened 🫶

this is a test post im trying to se what went wrong in the tags when i try posting this

message to requester | mwaaaaa here it is miomiau! this is right up my alley thank you i love domestic life sm

reposted (original wasn't in tags)

domestic married life w/ hasumi keito

fluff, established relationship, gn!reader

wc; 11320

If there was anything that Keito cared about just as much as you, it would be living with you, as your husband. It was a dream come true for Keito, something he could better see writing as Mizuhanome-sensei for a manga than actually doing it with you- now that it had actually happened, he didn’t regret it one bit. 

Now, Keito couldn’t imagine waking up on a cold bed- a bed without you there. It was warm, homey, not just “a bed”. It wasn’t just his, it was yours and his. It was no longer cold when he woke up; it was warm. Somehow, despite being better rested, he wanted to stay in longer with you. He no longer dragged himself out of bed, worried about the day ahead of him. Rather, he woke up to the sight of you. He was the one to hit the alarm clock, wanting an extra 5 minutes (which was really more than 5 minutes), but he got up anyways, stretching before he made his way off the bed. If you woke up at the same time he did, he’d be sure to gently nudge you awake, still rubbing his own eyes open and trying to find his glasses on the nightstand. 

If you want breakfast, he’ll have it made for you. Now, Keito isn’t the most experienced cook out there, but he’s not bad at cooking either. He’s a steady learner; you’ll be able to see his improvement as time goes on. He will attempt to make any kind of breakfast you want, as long as there’s time for it. He is always willing to put in the effort, just for you. If he has time, he’ll sit and have it with you; he wouldn’t oppose having a bite of his own dish. Plus, you’re there with him, and spending time with you is the most fulfilling.

Mornings with Keito, no matter what day, are somewhat fast-paced. He doesn’t like to rush; he doesn’t do his best work when it’s rushed. He takes enough time to get it done nicely. While he does adapt his routine to make sure you’re not rushed as well, he also tries to balance it with whatever work demands of him. He’s always doing something, but it doesn’t mean that he won’t take a moment to listen to you or respond to you. You’re always on his mind, and it makes his morning so much better when you’re with him. 

When you part with Keito, or rather when Keito parts with you in the morning, it’s surprisingly romantic. He lets out a mumbled “I love you,” before giving you a quick peck on the cheek or the lips, whichever you prefer, and perhaps a hug that he doesn’t want to let go of too soon. One last savor of bliss before going out to the stress of work, Keito makes it so every day.  

Keito is busy, and it’s normal that he works long, regular hours. That’s just who Keito Hasumi is. He misses you too, when you’re separated for so long. Somehow, even if he would have nothing to do when you were doing the things you needed to do, it would be nice to have him there. There was just something about Keito that made it better to do anything with him around, even if he couldn’t really help you with it. His presence simply made it better.

For Keito, you’re on his mind- not in a distracting way, but you help him remember that there are things he needs to do, besides work- like taking care of himself. When he feels stressed, he thinks of you. When he feels like he needs something, he thinks of you- you who tells him to get enough water, eat enough for lunch, get up and take a walk when his legs and back hurt from working without stopping. And when he’s finally done for the day, he’s no longer worried about tomorrow’s work, he’s occupied with thoughts of you- and that’s a good thing. 

Home is partially empty without Keito, before he comes back from work. It’s a little lonely, although it isn’t too big or too small, but it’s simply incomplete. It’s hard not to think about Keito before he comes back, but it’s not too hard to do what you need to do before he comes back. So many things remind you of Keito; he’s so ingrained into your life. 

But when Keito does get home, it always brings joy, no matter that you experience this every day he goes to work (which is very often). He greets you with a hug, his hands gently around you, and an almost whispered “I missed you,”- and now’s the best time to sneak in a kiss. He may even give you a kiss, quickly connecting his lips with yours for a short moment, before his lips form a smile you couldn’t see elsewhere. 

As for dinner plans, Keito’s up for anything good- anything both you and he likes. If you want him to, he’ll cook something you want. He’s not half bad, though there are times he’d rather order something to eat at home. At dinner, Keito’s surprisingly talkative. Perhaps it’s that he regains energy from the food, or he’s just happy to be with you- or perhaps it’s both- but he talks quite a lot at the dinner table. Work is an easy topic for him to talk about, especially when there are a lot of promising plans in place, but he’s always open to talking about anything else- even a manga idea he’s just a bit partial to write. 

Keito loves the idea of simply relaxing at home- sitting with you on the couch watching TV shows you like, sitting on the bed reading, or sitting on the balcony and looking out (it’s a surprisingly nice view). Sometimes, he’ll suggest a walk to the convenience store, hand in hand. It’s not always the convenience store; sometimes you’ll go out to the park or a drive around town, quietly talking as you enjoy the scenery. While it’s not the most impressive in the world, it’s quiet and comfortable.

¡! ❝ REDAMANCY .. ❞

╰┈➤ ❝ [11] code rose gold ❞ | m. list | prev. | next

natsume sakasaki x reader smau

warning(s) : cussing, affectionate bullying, “bbygirl” & “girl queen pussy boss” used one (1) time

you were at your wits end.

Keep reading

in another life. - w. j. moriarty

just a lil something that’s been in the drafts for a while now…. 😇

warnings : mtp anime end + manga spoilers, cussing, stabbing & other mentions of killing/violence, sherlock is called a bastard twice (2 times), reader is called “beautiful” once (1) but no pronouns otherwise, ignore the “- divider -” it wont let me add the pic for some reason

w/c : 1671

maybe it was the way he carried himself, or maybe it was his selfless nature; you never knew the exact reason why you fell for the crime lord in disguise. it just.. happened.

you wouldn’t call it effortless, but you can’t call it hard either. loving william might have always been easy, but loving him never was.

loving william in a physical way was horribly hard. he was always overworked and tired– or working– and most importantly, on his merry way to rid england of the corrupt nobles. he was doing a great thing, you told yourself (the ‘but the wrong way’ remained unsaid, as always), and you couldn’t wait to see the nation become one he’s always dreamt of. a place where people feel safe, and, most importantly, equal.

Keep reading

☆ 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀 𝗺𝗲 - ,, 𝘀𝗮𝗲

summary: growing up best friends with the itoshi brothers takes a turn for the worst when you end up falling for sae. once he leaves for university, you don't hear from him for a while, but it's been a few years and fate has other plans for you. warnings: gn!reader , cursing , minor angst , reader is a teenager with messy teenage feelings , absolute word vomit , kind of bad writing , not proof-read ! word count: 5.1k a/n: don't ask me what this is im obsessed with sae so. also pls look away from the cringe ass title its a lyric from a niki song guys- anyways i hope this is legible

you haven't seen sae in so long.

it's all you can think about as you loiter in front of the itoshi family home, pacing in front of the door with your hands shoved into the pockets of your hoodie. you're certain your heavy, anxious footsteps are going to leave dents in the wooden paneling of their front porch—it almost makes you feel guilty.

almost only because you really weren't planning on unearthing years of buried feelings on a random thursday afternoon. 

when you woke up this morning, muted spring sunlight greeting you with its soft touch, you had decided it was going to be a good day. spring break meant you were home for the next two weeks, with no responsibilities and a lot of friends to catch up with. 

honestly, you were planning on lounging around for most of the day, going out to meet a few people for dinner, then coming back home and binging some drama on netflix until you inevitably fell asleep. 

so when you went downstairs, greeted with the scent of sweet chocolatey brownies, you wondered what the special occasion was for your mom to be baking so early in the morning. 

you shouldn't have asked—if you could go back in time, you would take the chance and stop yourself from ever asking what she was up to. you should have known she would sic it onto you.

that's precisely why you're standing in front of the itoshi home, contemplating ringing the doorbell, a small pastel blue tin full of brownies held in one hand. the other held onto the card your mother wrote to mrs. itoshi.

she's always been a sweet woman, rather sentimental in her disposition, holding onto useless trinkets from when her sons were little kids still and littering the walls of their home with so many photos.

you were up there too, chubby cheeked and missing a few teeth because that's what childhood is like. 

you grew up with the itoshi brothers, spending every moment with them because they lived right across from you and when you're kids, the people within walking distance end up your best friends.

you didn't have much in common with them—they were aloof when things were good and stoic when things were bad (as stoic as children can be) and you loved to huff and puff, dramatizing every last thing.

you like to think you grew out of your old ways, but then again, here you are losing hair and probably graying because you're too nervous to hand over some brownies. 

perhaps before university, you wouldn't have had an issue with this. 

though you lacked similar interests, you remained close friends with both rin and sae. but you were closer with rin. you were the same age and you had the same home room—and he let you copy his history homework if you let him copy your chemistry homework so there was an incentive to remain close. 

he was also a good friend when he wasn’t rolling his eyes at you, faking indifference.

plus: looking at rin didn't kick your naive teenaged heart into overdrive. 

sae, on the other hand? you avoided like the plague. 

around your first year of middle school, you realized sae made you feel...strange. it wasn't an entirely foreign feeling because it was the same way you felt while watching zuko in avatar: the last airbender. that sickening tightness in your chest while your face grew warm, palms grew clammy, until you felt like you were running out of breath. 

maybe it had something to do with the night you went camping with the itoshis. you’ve never been the biggest fan of camping, but you went anyway because they’re your best friends. it’s only right. you started regretting your decision when night arrived and all you could think about were the countless horror stories about bears destroying campsites, or crazed hatchet wielding murderers killing innocent campers. 

so you laid in the tent you shared with rin and sae, squished between the both of them, fear gripping your heart tighter than vice and making your blood run cold.

“why are you still awake?” you startle at sae’s quiet but firm tone, trying to calm your nerves just enough to respond. “how’d you even know i was awake?”

“you’re breathing way too fast for someone who’s supposed to be sleeping.”

so you begrudgingly tell him all about how you’re terrified after making him pinky promise not to make fun of you and not to tell rin. he’s silent for a moment, before climbing out of the tent, beckoning you to follow him.

and you do, though you don’t really know why. he takes you to a small clearing in the woods you’re camping out in, and you’re scared shitless, fingers curled tightly into the fabric of his hoodie but he doesn’t seem to mind.

he peers over at you, the faintest smile on his face as it points up at the sky, “the stars are easier to see here.” so you look up too, and find that he’s right—that the sky is pierced with tiny dots of sparkling light, too many to count. it’s breathtaking and you can feel your heartbeat slow down, fear melting away to make room for something more serene. sae steps closer to you and you pretend not to notice, but you do and it feels different this time, even though he’s been shoulder to shoulder with you before.

he leads you back to the tent in one piece, you both fall asleep without saying a single word to each other. the next morning, you wake up and rin seems none the wiser to your irrational fear of an untimely demise in the woods.

sae kept his promise and it makes you smile. an unfamiliar feeling sprouts to life deep inside you.

you brushed it off because sae was in high school now, sae was different now. of course you'd feel strange around him—he was older and smarter and cooler. he probably knew things you have yet to even hear about; it's fine, you told yourself, you’d get to his age and you’ll stop feeling this way about him.

but then you were going into your first year of high school and this feeling never went away. in fact, it only grew over time, like a rubber band wrapped around your heart, twisting tighter and tighter every time you looked at sae. 

every shared glance, every softly muttered greeting—they built up, growing taller and taller until it all tumbled to the ground, crashing into you without warning.

you liked sae.

suddenly having a label for these strange feelings didn't make them any more manageable or any less daunting. this label—your crush on sae—only worsened the state you were in. 

whenever you'd see sae walking down a hallway—the first two buttons of his shirt undone (despite the fact that the dress code stated they must stay buttoned), afternoon sun draped over his face, letting his long lashes cast shadows against his cheeks—you'd turn a corner, running from his sight.

you started taking a longer route around the school when you left, tired from the day's trials and tribulations, but not tired enough to walk past the field and risk seeing sae in his jersey, sweat dripping down his temple, tracing the curvature of his face before disappearing past the sharp line of his jaw.

you stopped spending so much time with the itoshis, turning down invitations to go to amusement parks and arcades and other excursions because the thought of being close to sae like you had been during that camping trip made you feel like you were drowning.

rin noticed, of course he did. there’s no way he wasn’t going to notice his best friend suddenly avoiding his home, or throwing around dumb excuses to skip hanging out with him. at first, he was certain he had upset you somehow, so he spent a while wracking his brain and trying to remember the last fight he had with you.

eventually, he realized he wasn’t the problem, but his older brother was. 

the itoshi household was a fairly calm one. until rin cornered his older brother, fire in his eyes as he asked what the hell he did to upset you. 

that’s when he realized the problem wasn’t sae either (because he had no idea what rin was even talking about—sae hadn’t seen your face in weeks), it was you. whatever was going on with you was something you were conjuring up in that overdramatic mind of yours.

so he confronted you, after school near a stairwell after catching you taking the long way home. 

“what’s wrong with you?” he asks, deadpanned and you groan, not wanting to deal with this. it’s the tail end of spring and although the flowers are blooming and the grass is a bright green, the heat of a summer to come kisses your cheeks and leaves you unbearably warm.

“there’s nothing wrong with me, rin,” you counter, rolling your eyes. “now, let me go home, i have work to do–”

“you’re avoiding me.”

“i’m literally talking to you right now.”

he clicks his tongue in annoyance and crosses his arms over his chest, “okay, then you’re avoiding sae.”

you like to think you’re something of a convincing liar, and to some degree, you are. you can get away with the occasional, ‘i forgot my homework at home, can i bring it in tomorrow?’ and ‘i don’t have my wallet on me, can you pay?’ 

unfortunately for you, none of your lies ever work on rin because he knows all your stupid tells, and right now, you stiffen at the sheer mention of sae which only goads him on. “what happened with sae? he said he hasn’t seen you–”

“you asked him?” you almost shout, incredulous at the audacity of itoshi rin. “why would you ever do that?”

“you weren’t telling me.”

“oh my god–” you groan, covering your face with your hands. if sae didn’t already notice your blatant attempts at avoiding him, he was certainly going to notice them now, thanks to fucking itoshi rin. 

rin just steps closer to you, unbothered with your deep scowl and the rage swimming in your eyes. “are you gonna tell me what’s going on with you?”

you tell him to walk with you because it’s a long story (it’s not really—you just want to get him away from the school where sae is, and you also want him near the convenience store so you can bribe him with food before coming clean). 

rin finds out about your massively debilitating crush on sae with a pack of plain chips in his hand, standing right in front of the farthest 7-11 from school.

he takes it somewhat well (meaning: he doesn’t try to beat you into the ground), but he makes it known that he doesn’t think his brother is deserving of your attention—not like that anyway. 

“yeah well– you think i woke up one day and chose to like sae?” you grumble, stealing a few of the bribery chips from him. “it just turned out that way, okay?” 

and then rin awards you with one of his billion dollar ideas, the ones that send you into cardiac arrest from sheer idiocy alone. 

“why don’t you just…tell him?”

you turn to look at him slowly, so slowly it's menacing. if looks could kill, he’d have died as soon as your eyes met his. “give me one good reason i shouldn’t punch you for that dumb fucking idea.”

he’s vaguely aware of the fact that he’s riling you up, but he also thinks your dilemma is stupid. “just confess, if he doesn’t feel the same way, then you don’t have to waste your time drooling over him.”

rin walks you home with a bruised shoulder, the bribery chips in your hands after you stole the entire bag away from him for reparations. 

by the time sae’s graduating high school, you’re head over heels for him, barely able to contain the way your heart soars at the very thought of him. it’s embarrassing and it’s horrible because sae probably sees you as some extension of his little brother—meaning sae is never going to see you the same way you see him.

so when it’s summertime and he’s packing his things up for college, you wonder if you even want to go say goodbye. as his friend, you know you should. who knows when you’d see him next? you’ve known sae for almost your whole life—you should wish him well on this new chapter of his life.

but the selfish part of you, the part of you that wants to shield yourself away from the thought of sae ever leaving, keeps you rooted to the floor of your bedroom. seeing the packed suitcases and his near empty room will only solidify the fact that he’s leaving. 

he’s not going to be around for the next year, or the year after that, and it hurts in a way you didn’t expect it to. after that, you won't be around either, most likely, so then when will you see sae again?

you don’t want to miss out on seeing sae a final time, so you push yourself to go over and say hi, trying your best not to cry because that’s lame and you’re not lame like that. 

he seems shocked to see you there, in his presence, instead of jumping through hoops to get far away from him. but after the initial shock, sae seems almost relieved to see you standing there, waiting to bid him goodbye.

“you’re here.”

you nod softly, not meeting his eyes because you know that his emerald stare is only going to coax the tears waiting behind your lashes. “i wanted to wish you good luck…have fun…at college.”

he takes a step closer and you want to take one back, but you don’t. “i will. stay safe while i’m gone.”

it makes you laugh, like he’s been protecting you—as if. but you nod anyway just to appease him and you stare at him, taking in the way he’s styled his hair and the single hoop earring on his right ear and the thin silver chain around his neck. 

now that you’re here, so close to sae, all you can think about is how much you’ll miss him. something cracks within the cavity of your chest, narrow but deep like a fissure, and you can’t read the meaning behind his slight frown or the furrow in his brows. you can’t understand the softness in his eyes when he looks at you.

he loads up his things, everyone says goodbye and you dig your nails into your palm so that you won’t start sobbing in front of sae. everyone takes turns wishing him goodbye once more, just alone. you’re the last one to go, purposefully placing yourself last because you’re nervous about being alone with him. 

you walk over, fully prepared to repeat exactly what you had said earlier. you take one look at him, sweltering heat making his hair stick to his forehead as the setting sun makes him glow orange, and it's like the fissure cracks and breaks instantly. 

you’re pouring out your heart before you can stop yourself. 

“sae- i’m going to really miss you,” you whisper, arms wrapped around yourself as the words just keep tumbling out. “and i know you probably won’t miss me as much– or at least not in the same way, because i like you and i have liked you for so long.

“i’ve liked you since i was a cringe middle schooler and i avoided you for months once i realized because i didn’t want to look at you knowing you don’t feel the same.” you take a deep shuddering breath, it takes so much work to not cry. “and now you’re going away and i’m being so unfair because here i am telling you i’ll miss you when…you were right here.”

he’s rendered speechless. you run back into the house and sae doesn’t run after you or even say anything. he doesn’t even text you. you spend the rest of summer buried within your sheets, mouth dry and heart battered and bleeding so profusely, you have no idea how to even begin fixing it. 

it takes you one year, six months and 15 days to get over the hurt of sae’s silent rejection. you’re aware you put him in a difficult position, and you weren’t expecting him to return your feelings or anything, but you did want him to say something.

you felt like a bumbling idiot throwing up your feelings all over sae’s expensive shoes, cutting yourself open just so he could see how your heart really only beats for him, only for him to turn away. only for him to leave you in silence, with nothing but the deafening sounds of your own heartbreak.

he’s made you a bit bitter towards love—making you scoff during valentine’s day and making you wince during white day but it’s only a front to hide the fact that deep down, you’re still hurting. you might have cleaned up the blood and erased the stains, but the wounds still remain, refusing to scab over and disappear altogether. 

you told rin what you did a week after sae left. he’s shit at comforting people but he took you back to the 7-11 that’s super far from your school and bought you the same bribery chips and told you that sae really didn’t deserve you. 

you wish you could make yourself believe it but you’ve found that you’ll always hold a soft spot for sae, even if most of your memories of him are buried under the immense aching of missing him and loving him.

you wait until your final day of your final year of high school to delete sae’s number off your phone. maybe he might text, you think, maybe he might congratulate you on graduating. anything from him would soothe the soreness in your chest. 

he doesn’t text and you delete his number with the hopes of forgetting him.

you and rin go to different universities, but you keep in touch. it’s easy to do that with someone who actually wants to keep talking to you. you haven’t seen or heard from sae in a while—almost three years to be exact. 

thinking of him doesn’t send a pang of something painful piercing through your heart anymore. instead, he’s more like a dull ache that settles within your stomach, remnants of a time when the sound of his name stung and thoughts of him sliced and drew blood. 

it’s a bit pathetic that you’re still kind of in love with the same guy, someone you fell for in middle school when your taste in men is supposed to be god awful. it’s disappointing that you never went through major character development in uni (not enough to finally squash your feelings for sae). 

sae wasn’t home for winter break, so you don’t expect him around for spring break either. he probably isn’t home, so you shouldn’t make a big deal out of handing over these brownies and that card. it’s just a simple transaction.

you reason with yourself for a few seconds more, fingers crossed that mrs. itoshi won’t ask if you’re keeping in touch with sae because you can’t bear to tell her you haven’t spoken to him in three years. 

silently hoping rin opens the door, you go to knock when the stairs to the front porch creak and you spin around, careful with the tin in your hands. 

it’s sae—the itoshi sae, staring at you with his head tilted and something foreign in those emerald eyes. 

maybe if you look hard enough, you can see yourself reflected in the darkness of his pupils but you don’t want to look at him like that. not anymore, anyway.

you don’t know what to say, you ran out of things to say to him the moment you told him how you felt three years ago. there’s not much more to share, there’s not much more you want to share either. 

your heart still clenches when you remember how hard you worked to get over the hurt, to clean up the blood. they’re like phantom pains, making the muscles of your chest tighten. but they can’t exactly be phantom pains if the wounds are still alive and well.

sae shoves his hands into his pockets, stepping up onto the porch and walking closer to you. the smell of his cologne invades your senses and you fix your gaze onto the lid of your tin, not wanting to look at him.

“why were you just standing in front of our house?”

you sigh, hoping he didn’t catch you pacing. “i was going to knock just now. you startled me.”

he reaches over you to knock on the door and mrs. itoshi opens the door. you hope you can hand over the things and rush out of this awkward situation but she ushers you in, along with her son, and insists you stay for lunch. 

you have no idea how to say no to her, so you say yes and stand awkwardly in the living room while sae sits on the couch, scrolling through his phone. the atmosphere is tense—it’s painfully obvious that there are unresolved problems between you both. you don’t want to be the one to bring them up, it’s no longer your responsibility. 

you eye him carefully, studying his lidded gaze and the bored frown on his face. the angles of his face have remained basically the same, though you think he’s built more muscle over the years you haven’t seen him. you know sae’s still playing soccer, much like rin, and you know he’s pursuing a career in it. 

all this you learned from the news or your mom after she speaks with mrs. itoshi—sae is a soccer prodigy or something like that. you don’t really care about the logistics of the sport, you only care about him.

he looks up abruptly, catching your analyzing stare and it makes your breath hitch momentarily before you look away, turning your attention elsewhere. 

this goes on for a few moments more, you letting your gaze wander back to sae, letting yourself indulge in the sharp angles of his face and jaw until he catches you, and then you’re tearing away from him to pretend like you were never looking in the first place.

it’s sickening and you long for the familiarity you once had with him.

every once in a while, you find yourself wandering back to that night you went camping (the only time you’ve ever gone) and every part of you yearns to go back—to be able to stand in the middle of the woods in the dead of night, staring up at the stars with sae standing by your side. 

it always reminds you that you’re not fully over him, your love for sae pulling at your hair like an annoying kid. you wish you could swat him away.

you pull yourself from your reverie just in time to find him looking at you, his phone abandoned by his side. you fight the urge to focus on anything but him, squinting your eyes at his unrelenting stare. 

he doesn’t look away. you huff and cross your arms, but you won’t look away either. 

you don't last as long as you hoped. looking at sae hurts. 

he's 20 now, and you're 18 (almost 19 in a few months) and he's still giving you that same silence even when it's obvious he has something to say.  

simply being around him is digging up everything you worked hard to bury away, dredging up years of old feelings and memories and naive love and you wish he could see into your mind so he'd understand how much of him still lingers in the corners.

you clench your jaw, hardening your stare as you decide this staring contest is utterly pointless when sae sighs, resigned.

"i'm sorry," he mumbles, just loud enough for you to hear but still so quiet, you wonder if you heard him right. 

"why-" you begin but he cuts you off, standing up and you follow suit. 

"i'm sorry for not saying anything to you that day," he clarifies, and his voice is somewhat raspy, slightly deeper and it makes your knees feel weak. 

"i'm sorry for never calling or texting and i'm-" he takes a breath, as if to consider his next words, "sorry."

sae isn't good with apologies. you figured that out the day he knocked you off your bike when you were nine, making you scrape your knee in the process. you wailed about it for hours and sae simply gave you a 'sorry that happened.' and that was that.

he bought you a strawberry flavored chapstick after that—a better peace offering.

you still think he's shit with apologies, but this one warms your heart a little.

"you don't have to apologize for that," you reply, laughing to ease the awkwardness. "you don't feel the same, and that's fine. i bombarded you the day you left—it wasn't fair to you."

you hope he doesn't dwell on the fact that you said 'don't feel the same' as opposed to 'didn't feel the same' because you do still like him (as pathetic as that may be).

but this is itoshi sae and he notices everything. at least, he notices everything about you.

when you first started avoiding him in the halls, he noticed, but he didn't say anything. when you started taking the long way to leave the school, he noticed, but he kept his mouth shut because he figured there was a good reason for it. 

when you stopped coming around as often, declining invitations to hang out, he noticed. sae didn't know what he did but he didn't like it and he missed you then, missed your face and your voice and the way you used to roll your eyes at his dry remarks. 

the day he was leaving for university, he was so surprised to find you in front of him, he almost didn't notice the nerves lighting up your eyes and making your hands shake.

then came your confession—a mess of words and feelings and so very genuine—it knocked the air out of his lungs. he didn't know what to say, couldn't come up with something good enough so he resorted to silence.

he started regretting that the moment you turned away from him. 

he didn't think he'd miss you like he did—didn't think he'd still hold onto whatever memories he had of you stored away in his mind. but now he's 20 and he's seated on the couch that you and him grew up watching TV on and he doesn't think there's anyone else in this world that could make him feel the way you do. 

sae has a lot of regrets about the way things went with you. mainly, regrets about how he handled it, about how he didn't text you or call you. you deserve better and he knows rin has probably hammered that into you but he hopes you haven't fully come around to believing it yet.

it's selfish of him, and he knows that, but he wants you more than he's ever wanted you. 

he’s been silent for so long, you start to wonder if this is the end of this conversation, but then he’s stepping forward, hand grasping your wrist. “do you still feel the same way?”

out of all questions, this was the last one you were expecting. his touch burns, smoldering against your skin and you really don’t know if you want to be honest with him—not when there’s so much uncertainty surrounding him. 

sae drags you closer, chest pressed flush against his own, emerald peering into your own wavering stare. for a moment he seems just like you: full of yearning and desire and the fact that his heavy gaze is settled on you makes something stir in the pit of your stomach. 

something twists around your heart, tighter and tighter, until you can’t help but be honest. “i do. i feel the same way.” admitting it feels like an immense weight lifted off your shoulders, even if he doesn’t feel the same.

sae doesn’t pull away, he doesn’t do anything but stare for a few seconds. 

“i always returned your feelings,” he replies, voice just a hitch above a whisper, only meant for you to hear. 

“then, why didn’t you tell me that?”

he shakes his head then, “wouldn’t have been fair to you. i was leaving and we’d be so far apart–”

“you didn’t even call me,” you remind him, frowning, suddenly wanting to twist out of his embrace. “not even during graduation.”

“i know, i’m sorry,” he says again, so soft with you like that time you went camping. you almost wish you were under the stars once more, instead of standing in his living room. “i made some fucked up decisions.

“but the way i feel about you has never changed.”

you let out a shuddering breath. sae brings your hand to his face, pressing a chaste kiss to your palm, staring at you through the fan of lashes. “i’ll take whatever you give, as long as you’ll have me—if you still want me, that is.’

you wrench your hand away from his and he falters, but you step forward and grab that thin silver chain he’s still wearing and you close the distance between you both, pressing your lips to his because it’s the only thing on your mind. 

you take him in like he’s oxygen, his hands firmly planted on your waist, sliding down to your hips; he takes your breath away. sae has this impossible need to have you closer, close enough so that it becomes impossible to tell where he ends and where you begin. he tilts his head and deepens the kiss, teeth nipping at your bottom lip but he turns soft immediately after as if to soothe the slight sting. 

you taste like strawberry—like that chapstick he bought you years ago. sae feels electric and warm and the feeling of him bursts like fireworks within your chest. sae feels like years and years of loving in silence, like shared moments hidden away from prying eyes, like staring up at the stars in the middle of the woods in the dead of night. 

you pull away and hide your face in the crook of his neck, feeling his chest vibrate as he laughs softly. sae places a hand against the small of your back.

“i really missed you,” he says, his breath warm against your ear. 

sae feels like reuniting with your other half—destined in the stars. “i missed you too.”

what even was this i just stopped studying for finals + decided i HAD to write for sae like....