✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。3:37 AM — ITOSHI SAE.

reblog to squish your mutual. until small

☆ 𝗿𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀 𝗺𝗲 - ,, 𝘀𝗮𝗲

summary: growing up best friends with the itoshi brothers takes a turn for the worst when you end up falling for sae. once he leaves for university, you don't hear from him for a while, but it's been a few years and fate has other plans for you. warnings: gn!reader , cursing , minor angst , reader is a teenager with messy teenage feelings , absolute word vomit , kind of bad writing , not proof-read ! word count: 5.1k a/n: don't ask me what this is im obsessed with sae so. also pls look away from the cringe ass title its a lyric from a niki song guys- anyways i hope this is legible

you haven't seen sae in so long.

it's all you can think about as you loiter in front of the itoshi family home, pacing in front of the door with your hands shoved into the pockets of your hoodie. you're certain your heavy, anxious footsteps are going to leave dents in the wooden paneling of their front porch—it almost makes you feel guilty.

almost only because you really weren't planning on unearthing years of buried feelings on a random thursday afternoon. 

when you woke up this morning, muted spring sunlight greeting you with its soft touch, you had decided it was going to be a good day. spring break meant you were home for the next two weeks, with no responsibilities and a lot of friends to catch up with. 

honestly, you were planning on lounging around for most of the day, going out to meet a few people for dinner, then coming back home and binging some drama on netflix until you inevitably fell asleep. 

so when you went downstairs, greeted with the scent of sweet chocolatey brownies, you wondered what the special occasion was for your mom to be baking so early in the morning. 

you shouldn't have asked—if you could go back in time, you would take the chance and stop yourself from ever asking what she was up to. you should have known she would sic it onto you.

that's precisely why you're standing in front of the itoshi home, contemplating ringing the doorbell, a small pastel blue tin full of brownies held in one hand. the other held onto the card your mother wrote to mrs. itoshi.

she's always been a sweet woman, rather sentimental in her disposition, holding onto useless trinkets from when her sons were little kids still and littering the walls of their home with so many photos.

you were up there too, chubby cheeked and missing a few teeth because that's what childhood is like. 

you grew up with the itoshi brothers, spending every moment with them because they lived right across from you and when you're kids, the people within walking distance end up your best friends.

you didn't have much in common with them—they were aloof when things were good and stoic when things were bad (as stoic as children can be) and you loved to huff and puff, dramatizing every last thing.

you like to think you grew out of your old ways, but then again, here you are losing hair and probably graying because you're too nervous to hand over some brownies. 

perhaps before university, you wouldn't have had an issue with this. 

though you lacked similar interests, you remained close friends with both rin and sae. but you were closer with rin. you were the same age and you had the same home room—and he let you copy his history homework if you let him copy your chemistry homework so there was an incentive to remain close. 

he was also a good friend when he wasn’t rolling his eyes at you, faking indifference.

plus: looking at rin didn't kick your naive teenaged heart into overdrive. 

sae, on the other hand? you avoided like the plague. 

around your first year of middle school, you realized sae made you feel...strange. it wasn't an entirely foreign feeling because it was the same way you felt while watching zuko in avatar: the last airbender. that sickening tightness in your chest while your face grew warm, palms grew clammy, until you felt like you were running out of breath. 

maybe it had something to do with the night you went camping with the itoshis. you’ve never been the biggest fan of camping, but you went anyway because they’re your best friends. it’s only right. you started regretting your decision when night arrived and all you could think about were the countless horror stories about bears destroying campsites, or crazed hatchet wielding murderers killing innocent campers. 

so you laid in the tent you shared with rin and sae, squished between the both of them, fear gripping your heart tighter than vice and making your blood run cold.

“why are you still awake?” you startle at sae’s quiet but firm tone, trying to calm your nerves just enough to respond. “how’d you even know i was awake?”

“you’re breathing way too fast for someone who’s supposed to be sleeping.”

so you begrudgingly tell him all about how you’re terrified after making him pinky promise not to make fun of you and not to tell rin. he’s silent for a moment, before climbing out of the tent, beckoning you to follow him.

and you do, though you don’t really know why. he takes you to a small clearing in the woods you’re camping out in, and you’re scared shitless, fingers curled tightly into the fabric of his hoodie but he doesn’t seem to mind.

he peers over at you, the faintest smile on his face as it points up at the sky, “the stars are easier to see here.” so you look up too, and find that he’s right—that the sky is pierced with tiny dots of sparkling light, too many to count. it’s breathtaking and you can feel your heartbeat slow down, fear melting away to make room for something more serene. sae steps closer to you and you pretend not to notice, but you do and it feels different this time, even though he’s been shoulder to shoulder with you before.

he leads you back to the tent in one piece, you both fall asleep without saying a single word to each other. the next morning, you wake up and rin seems none the wiser to your irrational fear of an untimely demise in the woods.

sae kept his promise and it makes you smile. an unfamiliar feeling sprouts to life deep inside you.

you brushed it off because sae was in high school now, sae was different now. of course you'd feel strange around him—he was older and smarter and cooler. he probably knew things you have yet to even hear about; it's fine, you told yourself, you’d get to his age and you’ll stop feeling this way about him.

but then you were going into your first year of high school and this feeling never went away. in fact, it only grew over time, like a rubber band wrapped around your heart, twisting tighter and tighter every time you looked at sae. 

every shared glance, every softly muttered greeting—they built up, growing taller and taller until it all tumbled to the ground, crashing into you without warning.

you liked sae.

suddenly having a label for these strange feelings didn't make them any more manageable or any less daunting. this label—your crush on sae—only worsened the state you were in. 

whenever you'd see sae walking down a hallway—the first two buttons of his shirt undone (despite the fact that the dress code stated they must stay buttoned), afternoon sun draped over his face, letting his long lashes cast shadows against his cheeks—you'd turn a corner, running from his sight.

you started taking a longer route around the school when you left, tired from the day's trials and tribulations, but not tired enough to walk past the field and risk seeing sae in his jersey, sweat dripping down his temple, tracing the curvature of his face before disappearing past the sharp line of his jaw.

you stopped spending so much time with the itoshis, turning down invitations to go to amusement parks and arcades and other excursions because the thought of being close to sae like you had been during that camping trip made you feel like you were drowning.

rin noticed, of course he did. there’s no way he wasn’t going to notice his best friend suddenly avoiding his home, or throwing around dumb excuses to skip hanging out with him. at first, he was certain he had upset you somehow, so he spent a while wracking his brain and trying to remember the last fight he had with you.

eventually, he realized he wasn’t the problem, but his older brother was. 

the itoshi household was a fairly calm one. until rin cornered his older brother, fire in his eyes as he asked what the hell he did to upset you. 

that’s when he realized the problem wasn’t sae either (because he had no idea what rin was even talking about—sae hadn’t seen your face in weeks), it was you. whatever was going on with you was something you were conjuring up in that overdramatic mind of yours.

so he confronted you, after school near a stairwell after catching you taking the long way home. 

“what’s wrong with you?” he asks, deadpanned and you groan, not wanting to deal with this. it’s the tail end of spring and although the flowers are blooming and the grass is a bright green, the heat of a summer to come kisses your cheeks and leaves you unbearably warm.

“there’s nothing wrong with me, rin,” you counter, rolling your eyes. “now, let me go home, i have work to do–”

“you’re avoiding me.”

“i’m literally talking to you right now.”

he clicks his tongue in annoyance and crosses his arms over his chest, “okay, then you’re avoiding sae.”

you like to think you’re something of a convincing liar, and to some degree, you are. you can get away with the occasional, ‘i forgot my homework at home, can i bring it in tomorrow?’ and ‘i don’t have my wallet on me, can you pay?’ 

unfortunately for you, none of your lies ever work on rin because he knows all your stupid tells, and right now, you stiffen at the sheer mention of sae which only goads him on. “what happened with sae? he said he hasn’t seen you–”

“you asked him?” you almost shout, incredulous at the audacity of itoshi rin. “why would you ever do that?”

“you weren’t telling me.”

“oh my god–” you groan, covering your face with your hands. if sae didn’t already notice your blatant attempts at avoiding him, he was certainly going to notice them now, thanks to fucking itoshi rin. 

rin just steps closer to you, unbothered with your deep scowl and the rage swimming in your eyes. “are you gonna tell me what’s going on with you?”

you tell him to walk with you because it’s a long story (it’s not really—you just want to get him away from the school where sae is, and you also want him near the convenience store so you can bribe him with food before coming clean). 

rin finds out about your massively debilitating crush on sae with a pack of plain chips in his hand, standing right in front of the farthest 7-11 from school.

he takes it somewhat well (meaning: he doesn’t try to beat you into the ground), but he makes it known that he doesn’t think his brother is deserving of your attention—not like that anyway. 

“yeah well– you think i woke up one day and chose to like sae?” you grumble, stealing a few of the bribery chips from him. “it just turned out that way, okay?” 

and then rin awards you with one of his billion dollar ideas, the ones that send you into cardiac arrest from sheer idiocy alone. 

“why don’t you just…tell him?”

you turn to look at him slowly, so slowly it's menacing. if looks could kill, he’d have died as soon as your eyes met his. “give me one good reason i shouldn’t punch you for that dumb fucking idea.”

he’s vaguely aware of the fact that he’s riling you up, but he also thinks your dilemma is stupid. “just confess, if he doesn’t feel the same way, then you don’t have to waste your time drooling over him.”

rin walks you home with a bruised shoulder, the bribery chips in your hands after you stole the entire bag away from him for reparations. 

by the time sae’s graduating high school, you’re head over heels for him, barely able to contain the way your heart soars at the very thought of him. it’s embarrassing and it’s horrible because sae probably sees you as some extension of his little brother—meaning sae is never going to see you the same way you see him.

so when it’s summertime and he’s packing his things up for college, you wonder if you even want to go say goodbye. as his friend, you know you should. who knows when you’d see him next? you’ve known sae for almost your whole life—you should wish him well on this new chapter of his life.

but the selfish part of you, the part of you that wants to shield yourself away from the thought of sae ever leaving, keeps you rooted to the floor of your bedroom. seeing the packed suitcases and his near empty room will only solidify the fact that he’s leaving. 

he’s not going to be around for the next year, or the year after that, and it hurts in a way you didn’t expect it to. after that, you won't be around either, most likely, so then when will you see sae again?

you don’t want to miss out on seeing sae a final time, so you push yourself to go over and say hi, trying your best not to cry because that’s lame and you’re not lame like that. 

he seems shocked to see you there, in his presence, instead of jumping through hoops to get far away from him. but after the initial shock, sae seems almost relieved to see you standing there, waiting to bid him goodbye.

“you’re here.”

you nod softly, not meeting his eyes because you know that his emerald stare is only going to coax the tears waiting behind your lashes. “i wanted to wish you good luck…have fun…at college.”

he takes a step closer and you want to take one back, but you don’t. “i will. stay safe while i’m gone.”

it makes you laugh, like he’s been protecting you—as if. but you nod anyway just to appease him and you stare at him, taking in the way he’s styled his hair and the single hoop earring on his right ear and the thin silver chain around his neck. 

now that you’re here, so close to sae, all you can think about is how much you’ll miss him. something cracks within the cavity of your chest, narrow but deep like a fissure, and you can’t read the meaning behind his slight frown or the furrow in his brows. you can’t understand the softness in his eyes when he looks at you.

he loads up his things, everyone says goodbye and you dig your nails into your palm so that you won’t start sobbing in front of sae. everyone takes turns wishing him goodbye once more, just alone. you’re the last one to go, purposefully placing yourself last because you’re nervous about being alone with him. 

you walk over, fully prepared to repeat exactly what you had said earlier. you take one look at him, sweltering heat making his hair stick to his forehead as the setting sun makes him glow orange, and it's like the fissure cracks and breaks instantly. 

you’re pouring out your heart before you can stop yourself. 

“sae- i’m going to really miss you,” you whisper, arms wrapped around yourself as the words just keep tumbling out. “and i know you probably won’t miss me as much– or at least not in the same way, because i like you and i have liked you for so long.

“i’ve liked you since i was a cringe middle schooler and i avoided you for months once i realized because i didn’t want to look at you knowing you don’t feel the same.” you take a deep shuddering breath, it takes so much work to not cry. “and now you’re going away and i’m being so unfair because here i am telling you i’ll miss you when…you were right here.”

he’s rendered speechless. you run back into the house and sae doesn’t run after you or even say anything. he doesn’t even text you. you spend the rest of summer buried within your sheets, mouth dry and heart battered and bleeding so profusely, you have no idea how to even begin fixing it. 

it takes you one year, six months and 15 days to get over the hurt of sae’s silent rejection. you’re aware you put him in a difficult position, and you weren’t expecting him to return your feelings or anything, but you did want him to say something.

you felt like a bumbling idiot throwing up your feelings all over sae’s expensive shoes, cutting yourself open just so he could see how your heart really only beats for him, only for him to turn away. only for him to leave you in silence, with nothing but the deafening sounds of your own heartbreak.

he’s made you a bit bitter towards love—making you scoff during valentine’s day and making you wince during white day but it’s only a front to hide the fact that deep down, you’re still hurting. you might have cleaned up the blood and erased the stains, but the wounds still remain, refusing to scab over and disappear altogether. 

you told rin what you did a week after sae left. he’s shit at comforting people but he took you back to the 7-11 that’s super far from your school and bought you the same bribery chips and told you that sae really didn’t deserve you. 

you wish you could make yourself believe it but you’ve found that you’ll always hold a soft spot for sae, even if most of your memories of him are buried under the immense aching of missing him and loving him.

you wait until your final day of your final year of high school to delete sae’s number off your phone. maybe he might text, you think, maybe he might congratulate you on graduating. anything from him would soothe the soreness in your chest. 

he doesn’t text and you delete his number with the hopes of forgetting him.

you and rin go to different universities, but you keep in touch. it’s easy to do that with someone who actually wants to keep talking to you. you haven’t seen or heard from sae in a while—almost three years to be exact. 

thinking of him doesn’t send a pang of something painful piercing through your heart anymore. instead, he’s more like a dull ache that settles within your stomach, remnants of a time when the sound of his name stung and thoughts of him sliced and drew blood. 

it’s a bit pathetic that you’re still kind of in love with the same guy, someone you fell for in middle school when your taste in men is supposed to be god awful. it’s disappointing that you never went through major character development in uni (not enough to finally squash your feelings for sae). 

sae wasn’t home for winter break, so you don’t expect him around for spring break either. he probably isn’t home, so you shouldn’t make a big deal out of handing over these brownies and that card. it’s just a simple transaction.

you reason with yourself for a few seconds more, fingers crossed that mrs. itoshi won’t ask if you’re keeping in touch with sae because you can’t bear to tell her you haven’t spoken to him in three years. 

silently hoping rin opens the door, you go to knock when the stairs to the front porch creak and you spin around, careful with the tin in your hands. 

it’s sae—the itoshi sae, staring at you with his head tilted and something foreign in those emerald eyes. 

maybe if you look hard enough, you can see yourself reflected in the darkness of his pupils but you don’t want to look at him like that. not anymore, anyway.

you don’t know what to say, you ran out of things to say to him the moment you told him how you felt three years ago. there’s not much more to share, there’s not much more you want to share either. 

your heart still clenches when you remember how hard you worked to get over the hurt, to clean up the blood. they’re like phantom pains, making the muscles of your chest tighten. but they can’t exactly be phantom pains if the wounds are still alive and well.

sae shoves his hands into his pockets, stepping up onto the porch and walking closer to you. the smell of his cologne invades your senses and you fix your gaze onto the lid of your tin, not wanting to look at him.

“why were you just standing in front of our house?”

you sigh, hoping he didn’t catch you pacing. “i was going to knock just now. you startled me.”

he reaches over you to knock on the door and mrs. itoshi opens the door. you hope you can hand over the things and rush out of this awkward situation but she ushers you in, along with her son, and insists you stay for lunch. 

you have no idea how to say no to her, so you say yes and stand awkwardly in the living room while sae sits on the couch, scrolling through his phone. the atmosphere is tense—it’s painfully obvious that there are unresolved problems between you both. you don’t want to be the one to bring them up, it’s no longer your responsibility. 

you eye him carefully, studying his lidded gaze and the bored frown on his face. the angles of his face have remained basically the same, though you think he’s built more muscle over the years you haven’t seen him. you know sae’s still playing soccer, much like rin, and you know he’s pursuing a career in it. 

all this you learned from the news or your mom after she speaks with mrs. itoshi—sae is a soccer prodigy or something like that. you don’t really care about the logistics of the sport, you only care about him.

he looks up abruptly, catching your analyzing stare and it makes your breath hitch momentarily before you look away, turning your attention elsewhere. 

this goes on for a few moments more, you letting your gaze wander back to sae, letting yourself indulge in the sharp angles of his face and jaw until he catches you, and then you’re tearing away from him to pretend like you were never looking in the first place.

it’s sickening and you long for the familiarity you once had with him.

every once in a while, you find yourself wandering back to that night you went camping (the only time you’ve ever gone) and every part of you yearns to go back—to be able to stand in the middle of the woods in the dead of night, staring up at the stars with sae standing by your side. 

it always reminds you that you’re not fully over him, your love for sae pulling at your hair like an annoying kid. you wish you could swat him away.

you pull yourself from your reverie just in time to find him looking at you, his phone abandoned by his side. you fight the urge to focus on anything but him, squinting your eyes at his unrelenting stare. 

he doesn’t look away. you huff and cross your arms, but you won’t look away either. 

you don't last as long as you hoped. looking at sae hurts. 

he's 20 now, and you're 18 (almost 19 in a few months) and he's still giving you that same silence even when it's obvious he has something to say.  

simply being around him is digging up everything you worked hard to bury away, dredging up years of old feelings and memories and naive love and you wish he could see into your mind so he'd understand how much of him still lingers in the corners.

you clench your jaw, hardening your stare as you decide this staring contest is utterly pointless when sae sighs, resigned.

"i'm sorry," he mumbles, just loud enough for you to hear but still so quiet, you wonder if you heard him right. 

"why-" you begin but he cuts you off, standing up and you follow suit. 

"i'm sorry for not saying anything to you that day," he clarifies, and his voice is somewhat raspy, slightly deeper and it makes your knees feel weak. 

"i'm sorry for never calling or texting and i'm-" he takes a breath, as if to consider his next words, "sorry."

sae isn't good with apologies. you figured that out the day he knocked you off your bike when you were nine, making you scrape your knee in the process. you wailed about it for hours and sae simply gave you a 'sorry that happened.' and that was that.

he bought you a strawberry flavored chapstick after that—a better peace offering.

you still think he's shit with apologies, but this one warms your heart a little.

"you don't have to apologize for that," you reply, laughing to ease the awkwardness. "you don't feel the same, and that's fine. i bombarded you the day you left—it wasn't fair to you."

you hope he doesn't dwell on the fact that you said 'don't feel the same' as opposed to 'didn't feel the same' because you do still like him (as pathetic as that may be).

but this is itoshi sae and he notices everything. at least, he notices everything about you.

when you first started avoiding him in the halls, he noticed, but he didn't say anything. when you started taking the long way to leave the school, he noticed, but he kept his mouth shut because he figured there was a good reason for it. 

when you stopped coming around as often, declining invitations to hang out, he noticed. sae didn't know what he did but he didn't like it and he missed you then, missed your face and your voice and the way you used to roll your eyes at his dry remarks. 

the day he was leaving for university, he was so surprised to find you in front of him, he almost didn't notice the nerves lighting up your eyes and making your hands shake.

then came your confession—a mess of words and feelings and so very genuine—it knocked the air out of his lungs. he didn't know what to say, couldn't come up with something good enough so he resorted to silence.

he started regretting that the moment you turned away from him. 

he didn't think he'd miss you like he did—didn't think he'd still hold onto whatever memories he had of you stored away in his mind. but now he's 20 and he's seated on the couch that you and him grew up watching TV on and he doesn't think there's anyone else in this world that could make him feel the way you do. 

sae has a lot of regrets about the way things went with you. mainly, regrets about how he handled it, about how he didn't text you or call you. you deserve better and he knows rin has probably hammered that into you but he hopes you haven't fully come around to believing it yet.

it's selfish of him, and he knows that, but he wants you more than he's ever wanted you. 

he’s been silent for so long, you start to wonder if this is the end of this conversation, but then he’s stepping forward, hand grasping your wrist. “do you still feel the same way?”

out of all questions, this was the last one you were expecting. his touch burns, smoldering against your skin and you really don’t know if you want to be honest with him—not when there’s so much uncertainty surrounding him. 

sae drags you closer, chest pressed flush against his own, emerald peering into your own wavering stare. for a moment he seems just like you: full of yearning and desire and the fact that his heavy gaze is settled on you makes something stir in the pit of your stomach. 

something twists around your heart, tighter and tighter, until you can’t help but be honest. “i do. i feel the same way.” admitting it feels like an immense weight lifted off your shoulders, even if he doesn’t feel the same.

sae doesn’t pull away, he doesn’t do anything but stare for a few seconds. 

“i always returned your feelings,” he replies, voice just a hitch above a whisper, only meant for you to hear. 

“then, why didn’t you tell me that?”

he shakes his head then, “wouldn’t have been fair to you. i was leaving and we’d be so far apart–”

“you didn’t even call me,” you remind him, frowning, suddenly wanting to twist out of his embrace. “not even during graduation.”

“i know, i’m sorry,” he says again, so soft with you like that time you went camping. you almost wish you were under the stars once more, instead of standing in his living room. “i made some fucked up decisions.

“but the way i feel about you has never changed.”

you let out a shuddering breath. sae brings your hand to his face, pressing a chaste kiss to your palm, staring at you through the fan of lashes. “i’ll take whatever you give, as long as you’ll have me—if you still want me, that is.’

you wrench your hand away from his and he falters, but you step forward and grab that thin silver chain he’s still wearing and you close the distance between you both, pressing your lips to his because it’s the only thing on your mind. 

you take him in like he’s oxygen, his hands firmly planted on your waist, sliding down to your hips; he takes your breath away. sae has this impossible need to have you closer, close enough so that it becomes impossible to tell where he ends and where you begin. he tilts his head and deepens the kiss, teeth nipping at your bottom lip but he turns soft immediately after as if to soothe the slight sting. 

you taste like strawberry—like that chapstick he bought you years ago. sae feels electric and warm and the feeling of him bursts like fireworks within your chest. sae feels like years and years of loving in silence, like shared moments hidden away from prying eyes, like staring up at the stars in the middle of the woods in the dead of night. 

you pull away and hide your face in the crook of his neck, feeling his chest vibrate as he laughs softly. sae places a hand against the small of your back.

“i really missed you,” he says, his breath warm against your ear. 

sae feels like reuniting with your other half—destined in the stars. “i missed you too.”

what even was this i just stopped studying for finals + decided i HAD to write for sae like....

cozy taru…

thoughts were thunk and i had to draw it before i forgot -,,,orphan kaiser who always got picked on and protected his little soccer ball with his life,,, it was the only thing he had -who stares at others like how the adults looked at himmmm -kaiser who got in on a sports scholarship and has the monthly dilemma to starve in order to keep his hair blue so he can get along with the other students -people pleaser kaiser…. fake sticker tattoos….. trying out eyeliner………….

I highly recommend you follow the person I reblogged this from.

##TOO FAR, AND NOW THE TRUST IS GONE.

↪ft. Kaiser

Arguements are normal in relationships. But when he gets way too heated to the point of hurting you—to the point where one could say they went too far, how does he act?

It's been how many minutes since the arguement had started, maybe you had spent a hundred minutes shouting at the top of your lungs, a few couple tears shed in the proccess. But no matter how long, it was clear that neither sides had plans to step down. The original topic by now, was long forgotten as harmful insults directed to one's insecurities were thrown haphzardly; carelessly reloading and shooting the bullet all over the place, desperate to hurt the other person even if only a little. Neither backs off, eager to clear their name, even if it meant harming the other's ego. And amidst the chaos that you and your dereast lover found yourselves in; Kaiser raises his arm, and he swings it—far enough to reach your cheeks and hurt it just enough.

Slap!

The sound resounds throughout the living room, and it grows deathly silent— the kind of silence where only the ragged breathing from the hours of shouting could be heard. A second, and then a minute passes, you cradle your now reddish cheek with tremblig hands as you shakily look up at Kaiser. And there, on his face, laid a fury that boiled his head and turned him to be someone unrecognizable. It hurts, you think ,thrice as much knowing that the look of fury, was directed at you.

The first of teardrops spills from your eyes and wets the ground underneath. The liquid clouds your vision, and you think you're partly greatful for it. Because then, you wouldn't have to see the way he looks at you with anger like no other. You look down, trying to calm down your shallow breaths, and as a result, you don't notice the way Kaiser looks the moment he clears his head atleast a little bit.

The feeling of his hand hitting something—or in this case, someone, is still apparent on his hand. He takes a few deep breaths, taking the chance to calm down and clear his head now that the quiet had arrived. From then on, he finally registers the way his hand is numb, and the small, yet not completely silent sobbing he hears from infront of him.

A horrified look takes form on his face when he finally puts the two and two together.

Oh, oh my god.

"I—mein schatz—I-I'm sorry" he stutters, stepping forward to come closer, but he freezes in place when he sees you flinch and cower away.

His heart shatters when he sees how you react, the trust you've placed in him just hours ago now all but gone as he went and did what he promised he won't.

Shit, he inwardly curses. He's really done it now hasn't he?

He kneels, down on his knees as he hugs your legs. "Mein schatz I'm sorry I-I don't know what came over me. M' sorry love please please forgive me" he pleads, begging for forgiveness, and it's funny. How easily he's doing the one thing he thought was an impossible task just hours ago. He would have done this earlier had he known this'd be the outcome of his stubborness.

Kaiser trembles—the first in years as he fears the growing possibility of you leaving him. His apologies are rushed and messy, but sincere nonetheless. Kaiser kneels, begging for forgiveness like a sinner who's done the most heinous crime—and maybe it isn't inacurrate. Because to have the nerve to actually hurt you, the one sent by the gods solely for him, was a crime punishable by death.

Kaiser pleads for forgiveness, but he doesn't expect you to accept them. Only that you'd stop your cries that he himself had caused. Because he thinks—firmly believes that you shouldn't waste your tears for sinners like him; for someone like him.

It's unreal, how easily he's forgotten his ego when it comes to you. But he thinks it's perfectly valid. Because while he is the king, you are the angel he seeks comfort and power of, the one whom he takes his strength from. And now, because of his painfully human parts, he's gone and hurt the one person he's held dear.

Kaiser begs for you to stop crying, to do nothing but rest as he picks up the broken shards of trust, to stay with him—as greedy as that might be—as he clumsily tries to put it all back together. You needn't waste your tears, nor should you trouble yourself with trying to put it all back, because he'll do it himself, for it was him that broke it—and thus, it should be him that fixes it too.

↪ooc?? Yea i think, huhahahahahah

i ran to make this. it’s 4:33 am

HI YIN!!!!! WE HAVE THE SAME NAME twinzies??? 🤔🤔🤔 i absolutely love with your rinne fanfic IT HAD ME ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT!

can i please pleaasee request a scenario where fem!reader is very upset because she feels like shes not up to her own expectations n rinne comes in makes stupid rinne comment, reader snaps thinkifn rinne could never understand since he was born smart n it ends in rinne comforting her YEA THE REST ILL LEAVE IT UP TO YOU!

im so excited to see how u write this if u decide too HAPPYY WRITING!!!!! 🫶🫶🫶🫶

Doesn’t Always Mean You’re Dumb

character: Rinne

Reader: female

Genre: angst, comfort.

Words: 1944

Warning: OOC, broken grammar, not read proofed

A/N: WAH THANK YOU? And OMGG we have the same name!! You can call me with a second name if you want! And thank you very much for requesting also liking my Rinne fics!😭💕 I’m sorry for the late post, I’ve been busy and only just got my freedom around three or four days ago and created 4 attempts on this to choose which one I want to present to you.

Come by often as a reader or as someone you want to talk with!! Hope you’ll enjoy this and have a nice day💕

Everyone around her age achieved so much, only she couldn’t or didn’t have anything to accomplish. The only thing she was capable of was smiling, entertain the elders of her family and coat her words with sweet nothing. (Name) could only watch her siblings reach higher than her, achieving outstanding results whilst (Name) sat by the chair confiding in the gossip of the elders.

And only of that, she’s considered—dumb. After all, what’s the point in being smart and a high achiever if in the end, she’d only stand behind the kitchen counter and serve her husband?—her elders spoke the same to her ears everywhere she went.

That alone wasn’t enough.

——

Walking into the apartment, the girl’s mask tore off—she inhaled sharply, feeling like sharp arrows aimed at her chest whenever she exhaled. She placed away her shoes then walked straight to her bedroom, finding the mess of her bed covered in dirty laundries she hadn’t done.

Though work was still stacking on the other side of her room, the computer calling her to work for another hour, she was left in dilemma whether or not she should choose to finish the undone chores or the work stacking on her desk.

Today was stressful, wasn't it?

The second she placed her bag, a ding from her phone echoed in her ears. (Name) searched through her bag full of documents she planned to get done tonight, her hands scurried through to find the device.

As she finally had her phone, the stoic e/c eyes paid no mind towards the name and just placed the item next to her head. A raspy dried voice that hadn’t drunk anything, spoke, “(Name) speaking. Who’s this?”

“Take a guess,” a familiar voice said, a smile audible to her ears playing along with the words. The h/c haired girl took a second to look at her phone, then back to continue her call.

To be honest, she didn’t need to look at the caller, just his voice alone was enough for her to guess who it may be. Her cheeks itched to be lifted up, to add just a tiny bit to her e/c irises, and so she obeyed her body’s will and came to smile even if the caller couldn’t possibly paint her face.

“Hey, Rinne.”

“Hm, your voice becomes softer than before! Kyahahaha, did you miss me?”

Ah, there he went, his signature laugh. Albeit having her pissed, it relieved her to know by his laugh—the tensed body soothed out on its own with a gentle smile to caress her face. “And if I tell you I don’t?”

“Too bad I won’t believe you,” Rinne spoke, from the other side of the phone, causing her to let out a tender chuckle, finally one after the whole day spending her time contemplating on things she never needed to.

“Hey, (Name). How was your day?”

How was her day?

She spent a few hours trying to hold back cursing at her elders, smiling and sat on the chair humbly whilst the elders boasted of their descendants’ achievements. Everyone always spoke as if (Name) wouldn’t understand, when in fact she heard everything but could only smile and nodded.

To think that the word, “it’s great” no longer felt like deceiving someone else just for their sake was the best choice—added with the exhaustion to even keep herself composed as she tried to prove her words—(Name) couldn’t bring herself to do it.

“It… wasn’t the best. It’s okay though, don’t worry. How about yours?” She quickly switched. “Not bad actually. Just feeling like I’m missing something.”

“What that might be? Your gambling habit?”

“Nah, that’s not it. After all, I have her with me right now.”

An exhausted yet hearty laugh broke out of her lips, a bit louder than she intended but to the others, the laugh was just a whisper from a child not being able to speak for the whole day. “So that’s why you came and called me?”

“Hahahahah! Aren’t you supposed to be glad you have me? Anyways, let’s hear from you. What’s up today?”

“What do you mean, what’s up?”

Rinne let out a laugh, just short—nothing exaggerated, “You said your day wasn’t the best. What happened?”

(Name)’s e/c irises gazed down to the floor, her back slid to the ground as she ran her hand through her hair. An attempt to smile tried to paint her face, only for her to feel the heaviness weighing her down. “I’m an idiot,” she stated, though she was sure it was as if the wind entered in her room and brought her remaining courage to speak, away.

“What?”

“I’m an idiot,” she spoke again, hoping it was audible enough to the other side whilst she was there—playing the hem of her clothes, trying to keep herself distracted from the heaviness weighing her chest.

The warm sensation swarming her eyes fought its war. “Every time I look around me, people are smiling at me but they always treat me like I’m a fool. It’s not about my day. I don’t think you would want to hear it.”

She expected nothing out of him, she didn’t expect for him to laugh, shake it off, nor gave her comfort—a daughter and a woman like her wouldn’t need any of that. If she was indeed useless as how people said her to be, then what’s the point in comforting her?

Instead, the least expected for the words she hated to hear: “Hahaha! Yeah, so?”

That.

Couldn't that be the reason she considered hanging up the phone call right?

So? What did he mean, so?

“…” her voice lost its words—she was far too exhausted to think about it. “I’m… busy and tired—“ (Name) stopped her trails of words, slowly realizing the venom stirring her words unconsciously, though she didn’t mean to.

“(Name)? What I was trying to say was—for what must you think about those? It’s not like they mean a thing to you—“

“What do you know anyway what means to me and what doesn’t?”

As soon as she said those words, silence filled them in. None dared to speak—though words were swirling in her head, begging her to let it out, she couldn’t bring herself to utter another. The heaviness of her phone weighed itself more.

She was expected of a daughter, if could not be the one everyone desired her to be, the least she could do was to smile and sit down. He was much of a contrast to her—the striking ocean eyes would always glaze themselves on the world without having to look down, his chest raised up like his dignity where no one could step on him, his words always match with his ways that she would believe every word he spoke.

He was born that way—a perfect human being.

“(Name), I didn’t mean it like tha—“

“I have to go now. My superior is calling me.” And just like that, she turned off her phone and threw it to her bed, leaving her frame alone in the corner of her room, to leave her mull over the words she said.

Ah, even in the brink of heat, she couldn’t be any more smart.

———

An hour had passed, she gazed at the analog next to her hands as she scrolled on her computer. The sound of keyboards clicking was enough to be audible, the weight on her shoulder increased more as time passed by.

“Eleven o’clock,” her lips drew out, unconsciously breathing out.

Ding!

Her phone rang. Wanted or not her attention turned over to the phone showing the caller’s name written clear on the screen. A sigh ran through her lips again, the desire to hang up and go back to her work was as strong as the urge to pick up.

However, the words still left her annoyed. Maybe it was actually her fault, that she should’ve apologized first, and that he didn’t actually mean a thing and she was the one who just took things too seriously—

“Hey. Why are you calling this late, Rinne?”

“Come out. I’m waiting at the playground in your apartment. And no buts.”

Waiting for her outside? She turned to look at the window, seeing the sky painted itself with a deep void of black adorned with the least amount of stars. As she reached for the window, a fog formed by the slightest touch.

(Name) checked on her phone, seeing the temperature outside. “It’s late. Go home or you’ll catch a cold.”

“Well I guess you have to come for me to go home. Be quick, it’s hella freezing outside.”

“Wha—hey!”

The dial tone echoed in her ears instead of his further affirmation voice, signaling he’d ended the call and left her with no choice but to obey his command. Had he lost his mind?

***

Walking down the cold playground, a fog formed whenever she let out a sigh upon casting her eyes onto the waiting red haired male. Heaviness lingered her heart either way, not knowing nor caring what brought him here to her. What did he want to say?

An extra jacket on her hand lingered there, stopping her from leaving and returning to her room. She knew he would come, with nothing to keep him warm other than his casual clothing—it had become a habit to bring in a jacket for his every visit.

The red haired man peeked from the side of his eyes, having the moonlight bathe his own ocean ones. “Hey, so you’re finally here! I thought you wouldn’t come downstairs for a sec there,” he exclaimed, ending it with a laughter.

(Name), however, only walked closer to him and threw the jacket. “You’ll catch a cold. Stop running here without anything to keep you warm at night,” she scolded, only to earn a grin from him as he replied, “Cause I know you’ll keep me warm.”

Unfazed, she let out a sigh for another time whilst making her way towards the smiling Rinne. “Why did you call me here? It’s late and I have to sleep early.”

“I just want to see you, can’t I do that?” He asked, sounding more to be a demand as if what the world has is what he’s owed with. The usual mischief adorned the same eyes that tonight, (Name) couldn’t bear to admire.

She pursed her lips, refused to say another word. “I’m… sorry,” he spoke out of the blue, attaining her attention. For instance, no one had ever apologized to her for the words and things they did, since she “wasn’t” capable of understanding the ways of their actions.

The girl could only stay silent. “What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t mind their words and start learning how to be yourself. If anything, they’re dumb since they don’t get you at all. They’re too ‘normal’ to the point that seeing something new and fresh tears them down.”

Ah, she wondered what had she done to deserve this.

Seeing the silence from her, no words uttered out from her lips, Rinne could only sigh. He raised his hand, a little bit reluctant, but still did—gently, hoping it might convey the things he wished to say, and brought her to him.

That alone brought her to surprise, but she couldn’t dare to go against his will. And just like that, she could only bask in deeper for his warmth during the cold night—enough to resemble the coldness that was borne by the daughter herself. “You don’t have to change to meet their standards. Let the elders be as they’d always been, they’ll never change so just focus on yourself.”

Ah, how much she yearned to hear those.

A stupidity was never a stupidity. It was just a way of a human living that others deemed to be not normal to their understanding.

“You’re awesome as you are, so don’t let those words eat you.”

-;, your place ; reo mikage > in which, you’re kind of sick of everyone but him.

you don’t think you’re built for parties.

the music is far too loud. the people are unfriendly and cliquey. the air is thick and humid with conversation and meaningless chatter. and there’s one thing that really, really makes you hate parties: your stupid, extrovert boyfriend.

mikage reo, who is probably too social for his own good, sits in the living room of his house. there’s a flock of people surrounding him, all seemingly invested in whatever story he’s telling.

you’ve gone to the kitchen to grab something to drink for the both of you, squeezing through the crowd to the smaller space. you could still see reo from where you stood, though, and you took a moment to admire him: the way the dim lighting still made him glow like a star, and the way a grin splits his pretty, pretty face whenever someone says something funny.

you lean against the kitchen counter, suddenly feeling very small. the lights that make your boyfriend glow make you feel exposed, and the jokes and conversations of the partygoers around you feel like stones being hurled.

you think you’re frowning now but you’re too overwhelmed to tell, and the music must be getting louder because your head pounds. and then you catch sight of reo again as he turns his head to someone seated next to him- where you were sitting- a pretty girl with perfectly curled hair and a honeyed pout that makes you sick.

the waves of people surge and buzz around you as you see him returning her smile. you’re too engrossed in your own thoughts to notice how it’s a tight, polite expression, out of obligation rather than anything else. but it’s enough for you.

the room is so stuffy that you think you might pass out, the air is sucked out of you, and you’ve got to go or you’re sure that you’ll throw up. leaving the two cups on the counter, you brush past the crowds and cliques and make your way to the master bedroom. you’re familiar with the place- it’s reo’s apartment. it might as well be your own.

a couple is pressed against the wall of his bedroom, where they definitely are not supposed to be. they make a face at you as you raise your tired eyebrows at them, and they scurry away as if you’re the one in the wrong. they close the door behind them and it’s finally quiet again. a breath of air floods your lungs and you can finally feel it all- how your heartbeat was racing, how your palms were sweating, how your head was spinning- you felt nauseous.

yeah, parties definitely weren’t your scene.

as you catch your breath, taking a seat on reo’s overpriced bed, a nasty thought enters your head: that girl was probably better for him than you were.

the music pulsed through the walls and you blink, contemplating this idea. she was radiant, like him, she was smiley and sunny and she could actually hold her own at parties. your headache gets worse and you wish you’d brought your drink with you.

you could almost laugh at how pathetic you feel, in that very moment: you’re sitting alone at your boyfriend’s party, while he’s surrounded by people who aren’t you. it takes everything in you to not scream into his pillow.

you’re still spiraling just a little when the bedroom door creaks open. a familiar face appears, and the door clicks shut behind him. before you can say a word, reo is already sitting close to you, his hand warm against your back.

he’s so close that you can feel the dip in the mattress beneath his weight, and you allow yourself to fall into him. effortlessly, gently, he pulls you close to his chest. you feel the way he breathes and you feel the vibrations of his voice.

“hey, what’s wrong? you can talk to me, you’re okay,” you think you can discern. he says more but it’s lost on you, and you just stare dumbly. his arms wrap around your waist and they’re so warm. your head finds its way to the crook of his neck and his fingers card through your hair.

“did something happen? what happened?” reo tries again, and suddenly you’re even sicker because you can feel the concerned gaze that he burns into you, and you can practically see his furrowed brows and the worry painted on his features. and now you’re even more convinced that you don’t deserve him.

because nothing had happened. you were just being lame and pathetic, and you were ruining his night because of it, too. you exhale and untangle yourself from your boyfriend’s hold, scooting away on his bed. you try not to pay attention to the hurt look on his face.

"it's all fine," you mumble, "i'm sorry."

reo stands up so he's next to you, and he takes your hands in his. "why are you sorry? you didn't do anything, okay? you're okay. just tell me what's bothering you, yeah?"

it's times like this you hate how utterly persuasive reo can be, because before you know it you're sitting down again, back flush against his as he rubs soothing circles onto your arm. he holds you tight, and his pulse reverberates against your ribs.

you'd like to try to protest again, but you're pretty sure he'd just find another way to get you down again. and you would try to bite your tongue, but something about how gently he has you makes you fold.

"i'm sorry," you're apologizing again, and reo moves to say something but you keep going, "i didn't mean to be all.. gross and emo. i just felt so, like, cramped, and i really, really didn't feel great- and it's not your fault, but that girl you were sitting with, and i dunno, i felt like.. yeah."

you fiddle with your hands and refuse to meet reo's gaze, feeling even smaller and even lamer, if that was possible. but then his hands are on your chin and he tips your face toward his.

reo's eyes are one of your favorite things about him, and you can see them so clearly now. the world falls silent, save for the dull thumping and quieted chatter of people on the other side of the bedroom door and your hushed breathing. you think you'll forever be enamoured and astounded by just how much he can convey through his eyes. right now, you can see it plainly- the unadulterated love that shines like diamond behind his gaze.

"i thought i already told you, baby, you've got nothing to be sorry for." and just like that, you're breathless again, but for a different reason.

"i'm sorry i didn't notice you weren't feeling the best," he continues, fingers running across and your jaws and traveling to your cheeks as if trying to erase the exhaustion from your skin. "you're so much more important to me than some party, yeah? i wish you'd just come to me."

he hums contemplatively as he continues to trail his hands across your face. the way he touches your skin- like it's made of glass, so fragile that it might break- makes you feel like the most special person alive. and, you think, to reo that might be true.

"we should leave," he suddenly suggests, "your place?"

you blink. "this is your party."

"so?"

"you can't just, like.. leave."

and then he smiles at you in that stupid, stupid way he does, and it's like the ceiling has folded open to reveal the stars shining down on you. "watch me."

and he's pulling you up off the bed, and rushing you through the swaths of people. you hear a few calling out reo's name but if he also notices, he pays them no mind. before you know it, the both of you are in his car, laughing and out of breath.

"oh my god," you manage to get out, "you actually hit the guy."

"it was an accident!"

"he's gonna wake up all bruised and sad, and it'll be all your fault."

reo shrugs and cracks a sly smile. "his fault for being in my way."

you thump him on the shoulder and he laughs as you bite back your smile. "seriously. and are you sure it'll be fine if you leave? what if they blow up your apartment or something?"

"don't worry, babe. isagi and nagi and everyone's still there, they'll deal with it. and barou."

"barou's there? that's all you needed to say."

"yeah, nothing's getting fucked up on his watch."

"except for you when he finds out you left him to deal with your shit."

reo gives you a look. "i could take barou."

"i'm sure you could, babe."

"like you have room to talk, ms. 'gross and emo.'"

"...that was a low blow."

"i'm sure it was, babe," reo mimics your previous wording, eliciting a string of giggles from you. your boyfriend's gaze never leaves you as you laugh.

the exhaustion and anxiety clinging to your skin had dried up like a summer stream. a familiar lightness follows you now, one reo would do anything to see, always and forever.

because you might not be built for parties, but you were definitely, absolutely made for him. that much, he was sure of.

(later, you ask about the girl again. reo blinks- he has no idea who you're talking about. maybe you were pathetic and emo.)

WHAT!!!!!