Lesbian, 5′1, Somewhere In The Middle When I’m Talking To Somebody But Usually A Powerwalk. 

I've seen posts going around claiming that petting animals is basically tricking them into thinking they're being groomed, and it's bugging me because, like, there's no trickery afoot. Petting and scritching are grooming activities. They help to dislodge loose fur and foreign objects and more evenly distribute protective oils, among other things. Primates are social groomers, and the human impulse to scritch is the legacy of our primate ancestors. We see an animal we like, even a dangerous one, and the monkey brain says "groom that thing".

Shitteroo

Signs you grew up lonely

- Chasing people who don’t want you

-Making up lots of stories and worlds

-Overtalking whenever there’s someone to talk to

-Excessive reading

-Daydreaming

-Clinging emotionally to others

-Being the ‘disposable’ friend in the group

-Excessive baths

-Talking to oneself

-Obsessive friendships

-Excessive helpfulness

“Call Me Maybe” with every other beat removed

oh hi thanks for checking in I’m still a piece of garbage

Whenever I tell people that I’m Brazilian, it saddens me how they don’t know anything about Brazil. Because this place is just pure fuckassery and it’s basically an alternate dimension.

Brazilians can solve any problem.

Don’t have a car, but still wanna go somewhere?

We already made you a vehicle out of a beer crate.

What if you need to move a large piece of furniture and only own a motorcycle?

We got you covered.

Do you need to water your garden, but want to save up on sprinklers?

A Brazilian has already engineered the solution.

In the rare occasion that you don’t have any modern vehicles and only own 18th century material, we can figure it out as well.

But what about taking your groceries home when you don’t own a car?

We know what to do.

Brazilians are the only people who have fully unlocked creative mode

love me a character who values hygiene and cleanliness but must, for plot reasons, inevitably become bloodsoaked

i present the formula for creating excellent/strange insults:

adjective + curse word + noun

no one asked for your opinion, you abominable shit goblin

i fail to understand how you’ve become such a reprehensible fuck waffle

get out of my way, you sorry excuse for an intolerable ass pastry

i cannot believe that such an illiterate twat truck could ever be remotely polite

maybe if you weren’t such a troublesome goddamn elbow, we could get some things done around here

i am incredibly tired of my editing application crashing so take this as it is lol

I just love him so much. 

lance, getting ignored by keith: keith, buddy, babe, honey buns, sweet tea with whipped cream and sprinkles on top, love of my life, the bae to my blade-

keith: whAt did you just call me-