Gwaine: Merls, What's Your Body Count?

I did in fact start drafting a full fic for this… (but I am SLOW, so I make no promises)

but anyway, one scene that’s going around in my brain:

[All the contestants on the plane going to the Farmer’s Dinner or smth idk]

“Erm, why is Merlin on the plane with us?”

“He’s my plus one.”

“Arthur, this is literally a dating show.”

ok i have a dumb Merthur fic idea: Farmer Wants a Wife AU

hear me out:

Arthur is a rich bachelor who owns a farm

Merlin is his farm hand who lives in the local town

He’s been working for Arthur for 3 years- they got off on the wrong foot by insulting each other but since then have become close friends (not that either of them would admit it)

Morgana secretly signs Arthur up to the TV show Farmer Wants a Wife

Arthur has to host 4 beautiful women on his farm and take them on dates (and everything is being filmed)

Arthur starts to realise he misses Merlin- that he would rather be mucking out the stables with him, than on a boring picnic date

Maybe he kisses one of the women and realises he’s not attracted to her and he’s like Oh Shit: Sexuality Crisis

Of course some fun banter between Merlin and Arthur around the farm when they’ve stopped filming for the day- Merlin teases Arthur about the whole Wife thing

Maybe one of the women is Gwen and she Notices how much Arthur talks about Merlin, and she Notices how awful it was when Arthur kissed her, and she puts the pieces together

Maybe Arthur and Gwen become close as friends, and at some point he confides in her (off camera) and she’s like “I know.”

MAYBE ALL THE GIRLS HAVE INDEPENDENTLY FIGURED IT OUT- and they compare notes “yeah, he was SUCH a bad kisser” “definitely gay for his farm hand” AND THEY WORK TOGETHER TO COME UP WITH A PLAN TO GET ARTHUR AND MERLIN TOGETHER

Arthur doesn’t know what’s going on, but the girls keep calling in “sick” and he keeps ending up on romantic dates with Merlin???

Don’t really know how to end this, but of course they end up together, Arthur’s a good kisser when it’s Merlin he’s kissing, he remains good friends with Gwen and the girls, and they make television history

fanfics are one of the best things that humanity has come up with. i fucking love reading stories about my favorite characters from people who have the same brainrot as me

Chapter 3: Of Farmers and Wives

it's *finally* up

“So,” said Merlin not thirty minutes later as they were refilling the ewe’s feeders. “How was your night?” Arthur’s state of calm immediately shattered. “It was fine,” he said quickly– but he probably should have picked a more enthusiastic descriptor because Merlin, who’d been slumping about dejectedly over the feed mill, suddenly straightened up and twisted towards him with great interest. “Just fine?” he asked, eyes glinting.

read it here!

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Fanfiction is becoming people’s primary form of entertainment right now because most media right now is so cheap, bland, recycled, and sponsored by people who love money more than the source material. Fanfiction is written for free by people who genuinely love what they’re writing about. That’s why it’s better. That’s why it’s more satisfying. Fanfiction is a home-cooked meal made for yourself and for your friends. Media today is junky fast food spoiled by too much grease and the knowledge that the people producing it are being criminally mistreated and underpaid. 

i want to have a little chat with whoever decided to get rid of this slutty red shirt and necklace

happy valentine’s 💞

concept: Arthur dies at Camlann and Merlin’s magic goes feral and resurrects him right then and there. like, he doesn’t heal him, Arthur is actually dead and Merlin is just like “nope” and bends the laws of life and death for him.

and what if Arthur comes back changed? like maybe he takes something back with him (an ability, some sort of magic?) and Merlin has to help him adjust

I’m sure there are probably fics like this- please drop any recs!

i do think merlin and arthur had the perfect dynamic. an episode would end with arthur being like merlin you're my closest friend and confidante and the greatest man i've ever met. and merlin would be like i'd kill and die for you we are two sides of the same coin. and then you'd start the next episode and it would begin with arthur smacking merlin upside the head and calling him an ugly peasant and merlin calling arthur a fat idiot.

country bumpkin merlin not knowing anything about city life and accidentally courting arthur without knowing

merlin, watching gwen give lancelot her favor: why do you do that

gwen, heart eyes at lance and not paying that much attention to the conversation: so he knows i’m rooting for him

merlin, with an Idea: ah.

gwaine, lover of chaos, pisser offer of nobles and royals alike, ultimate wingman: merlin…you have such lonely lips. shall i introduce them to mine?

merlin, unaware of the game gwaine is playing: so you can steal my breath away? i think not, scoundrel

arthur, crushing his goblet in his hand:

merlin: arthur’s been in a bad mood recently :( i should cheer him up

merlin, remembering when arthur was put out when merlin brought morgana flowers and not him: i know just the thing

merlin, bringing a bouquet of carnations, roses, and tulips and setting them on arthur’s table while he’s eating breakfast: good morning, sire

arthur, trained on flower language in hopes that one day when he was to take a queen he could woo her easily, trying not to audibly choke on his sausage as he reads merlin’s declaration of love sitting in front of him:

arthur, who recently found out about merlin’s magic and was trying to find a way to bring it up, catching him in the act and watching merlin panic to explain himself:

merlin, Freaking: and i swear to you arthur, i have only ever used it for you. my magic is yours. my life is yours. i am yours. i would never do anything to harm you. i have protected you for years and will continue to do so at your side if you’ll have me

arthur, already believing them to be courting, desperately trying to figure out if that was a proposal for marriage or not but tired of being confused and deciding fuck it: here.

merlin, taking it: i…uh…huh?

arthur, watching merlin with hawk eyes and trying to figure out what he’s thinking and feeling: it’s my mothers sigil

merlin, confused as FUCK but is focusing on the fact that arthur is handing him something of his mother rather than a death sentence: my…my lord?

arthur, realizing how scared merlin’s must be about him finding out about his magic and trying to comfort him while also proposing, killing two birds with one stone: i will always keep you at my side, merlin, so long as we both shall live. if you’ll allow me.

merlin, almost collapsing with relief and tearing up, smiling at arthur as if he had parted the storm clouds to allow sun to shine down on them in that moment: of course…of course, arthur. always and forever.

merlin, watching the castle staff rush this way and that: wow. this banquet must be incredibly important

sir leon the long suffering, day one ride or die, one of the original merthur shippers: banquet? merlin, this is for your wedding

merlin, overworked and exhausted: my WHAT? to WHO??

leon, regretting everything he’s ever done in his life that led him to this moment: to…arthur?

merlin, over joyed but also absolutely befuddled: i’m getting married to ARTHUR?????

leon: you two have been courting for the past year or so, have you not?

merlin: i’ve been COURTING ARTHUR?????? FOR A YEAR?????????