An Imperial Command A Knight!choso Fic
an imperial command a knight!choso fic
pairing ⸺ knight/warrior!choso x princess!reader
summary ⸺ you, the princess of the nation, and choso, the son of your father's most trusted general, have been inseperable since birth. but after many deem it inappropriate for him to be so close to you, the distance between you and him only deepens after he leaves for war. when he comes back older and a more handsome, bigger version of the choso of your childhood, you both grapple with love, duty, and test the bounds of propierty.
warnings ⸺ smut, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, fem!reader, reader has a vagina, classism? not really, reader may seem pushy at times, not edited, very sweet love confession, happy ending, fingering, breast worship, virgin reader, mutual loss of virginity, mentions of sexism and archaic beliefs about virginity, pathetic choso, soft dom choso, p i v sex, gentle choso :(, me being really horny about his HAPPY TRAIL
a/n it's something about a hot decorated warrior that crumbles at the thought of you...
general masterlist
You and Choso had been inseparable since birth.
As the princess of the realm and the son of the general—your father’s most trusted advisor and sworn brother—it seemed ordained by fate itself that you should become steadfast companions. And companions you were; as babes, you darted through the royal gardens, frolicked in the halls of the palace, and devised schemes to escape the ever-watchful eyes of your tutors. Only the constraints of your education would separate you. You were confined to lessons in the classical tongues, the harp, and courtly diplomacy, while Choso immersed himself in the arts of the sword, the strategies of war, and the unyielding discipline of a soldier.
“Choso!” you squealed, your laughter ringing through the royal gardens as you fled from an imagined dragon. You ran toward him, your skirts billowing behind you, and found him poised and ready. His knees were bent, his gaze unwavering, and his small wooden sword clutched tightly in his hands. He glared past you at the phantom threat with the solemnity of a true knight.
“I will save you, Your Highness!” he roared and lunged, hacking away at the demon passionately. You cheered him on, giggling at his act.
“You’ve done it!” you cheered, clapping your hands in delight. But then your eyes widened in feigned terror. “Look, another one approaches!”
Choso spun around at your warning, his attention diverted just as you had planned. Seizing the moment, you imagined the dreadful beast closing in on his unguarded back.
“Watch out!” you exclaimed, grabbing a fallen branch to defend him. With a bold leap, you placed yourself between Choso and the imagined peril, brandishing your twig as though it were a knight’s blade.
“I’ve got you!” you declared, laughing as you swung your newfound weapon, the pair of you lost in the unrestrained joy of childhood.
Of course, while the king, your father, appreciated you so closely acquainted with his general’s son, your mother did not seem to think it wise that you become estranged from the daughters of nobles; after all, you would need to forge relationships early on to strengthen your future court. This led to many a playdates being interrupted.
“You didn’t need to save me!” Choso whined, pouting while crossing his arms.
However, you held out a pudgy hand, patting his hair as if to soothe him. “It’s okay, Choso. If you ever need saving, I’ll always be there—” “YOUR HIGHNESS!” You heard footsteps running towards where the both of you were sitting idly. When parrying the imaginary monster’s attacks, you had tumbled on top of Choso, your dress and limbs entangled with his and both of your hair unruly. Hearing your governess’ voice led you to pout, for you were sure to earn a scolding for fooling around with Choso rather than practicing the violin for the nth time. Alas, you couldn’t escape her—as well as Choso’s nannies, who had appeared—and you both looked sheepishly at their horrified faces.
Frowning, Choso’s nanny stomped towards the both of you, untangling you both impatiently and, once you were both standing, giving Choso a light smack on his head while bowing towards you. “Your Highness, I apologize, but the both of you mustn’t do such things anymore. You both are far past the age that this is appropriate.”
“What?” You pouted, disappointed in having to back to your room, confined to practice your violin with those dreadful, boring tunes. “What isn’t appropriate about this? We’re just playing—”
“Your Highness,” your governess began, her strained smile barely masking her displeasure. “It is not fitting for a princess to engage in such… undignified behavior. You must remember your station. A young lady of your rank is expected to conduct herself with grace and decorum at all times.”
Choso’s nanny, now tidying his tousled hair with brisk, efficient motions, added in a sharper tone, “And you, young master, should remember your place. You are not her equal but her servant’s son. Such familiarity is unbecoming.”
At her words, Choso’s face turned pale, his gaze dropping to the ground. His hands clenched into small fists at his sides, but he said nothing, his lips pressed tightly together. You could see the effort it took him to remain still, his shoulders stiff with tension.
“Choso?” you called softly, tilting your head to catch his eye.
However, he did not look up, though his voice came, quiet and steady. “I’m sorry, Your Highness. I… I won’t do it again.”
Your brows furrowed, your chest tightening at the sight of his downcast expression. “What are you apologizing for?” you demanded, your voice sharper than you intended. “You’ve done nothing wrong! We were only playing.”
“Your Highness!” your governess interjected, her tone scandalized. “Such defiance is unbecoming. You must understand—”
“I understand perfectly,” you snapped, cutting her off. “I understand that I don’t care for these rules. Choso is my friend, and I decide what is and isn’t proper!”
Choso’s nanny inhaled sharply, but he quickly stepped forward, shaking his head fervently. “Please, Your Highness,” he murmured, his voice almost a whisper. “Don’t… don’t say such things for me. I’ll… I’ll do as I’m told. I promise.”
“Choso!” you exclaim, betrayed as the sting of his words settling in your chest. His gaze still refused to meet yours, fixed instead on the ground between you.
Your governess, sensing her victory, straightened. “Your Highness, you must return to your chambers immediately. Your music tutor is waiting. And as for you, Master Choso, your training will resume at once. I trust there will be no further disruptions.”
Neither of you spoke as the governess and the nanny ushered you away in opposite directions, their sharp voices ringing in your ears. Yet, as you glanced over your shoulder, you caught one last fleeting glimpse of Choso, his hesitant gaze finally meeting yours for the briefest of moments. It held a quiet resolve that only deepened your frustration.
“Wait and see,” you muttered under your breath as you were dragged back toward your chambers. “I’ll change this someday.”
That was the last time he ever spoke your name aloud; now, you were only Your Highness and The Royal Princess. It irritated you to no end; you were his friend, not his superior. But he insisted, falling deeper and deeper into the depths of social proprietary and hierarchy his nannies and parents were no doubt pressuring him into. You could only take what you had; if he was refusing your affection, he would at least not refuse royal commands of rendezvous.
Years had gracefully unfolded since that day, and now, as teenagers, your clandestine meetings in the royal gardens had blossomed into cherished rituals beneath the cloak of night. The gardens, adorned with that glowed under the moon's gentle gaze, became the sanctuary where you and Choso could momentarily escape the rigid expectations of courtly life.
As you approached the secluded alcove near the ancient marble fountain, your heart fluttered with a mixture of anticipation and nervous excitement.
And there he was.
Choso waited beneath the willow tree, his dark eyes darting between the swaying branches and the dimly lit path beyond. The shadows stretched long in the garden, and the faint sound of patrolling guards put a furrow in his brow. He shifted on his feet, arms crossed tightly as though bracing himself for some reprimand.
When you finally appeared, dressed in your lighter night robes, he let out a small breath of relief. “Your Highness, you shouldn’t—”
“Can you stop that?” You whine, brushing him off and making a move to sit in the swing right by the tree. You lightly swing your feet, establishing a gentle rhythm while you grin mischievously at him, meeting your lighthearted eyes with his furrowed, slightly worried ones. “Don’t be such a spoilsport, Choso. No one’s going to catch us.”
He can only shake his head, for after years of friendship had led him to know one universal truth: if there was one thing, it was that your mind, once resolute, could not be changed. “I don’t know how you keep wanting to risk them discovering this.” Then, he sighs, lamenting weakly, “and why I have to dragged into this.”
You flash him an innocent smile, about to give a cocky response about how you’re the princess and it’s not like Choso doesn’t want this…right? but both of you pause, deadly still, when you hear the undeniable clinks of armor.
Patrolling guards.
Choso’s head snapped toward the sound, his body going rigid. It kind of dazes you, in a way, how his curriculum as a warrior leads him to be so alert. It’s also this moment that you realize how grown you both are becoming; it feels as if you’re stuck as a dainty princess, while he’s steadily growing taller and bigger, a smaller picture of his formidable father.
“Someone’s coming,” he whispered, his voice barely audible over the rustling leaves.
You froze, exchanging a wide-eyed glance with him before instinctively ducking behind the grand marble fountain. The cold stone pressed against your back as the guards’ footsteps grew louder, accompanied by the bobbing light of their lanterns.
“Who’s there?” one of them called out, his voice sharp and commanding.
Choso shifted beside you, his breath quick and shallow. Your hand brushed against his arm in reassurance, but it did little to ease the tension radiating off him. The guards’ lanterns swept methodically across the gardens, their shadows flickering on the trees.
“Stay still,” Choso mouthed, his dark eyes fixed on the approaching light.
The guards drew closer, their boots crunching against the gravel path. You could feel your pulse hammering in your ears, each second dragging on unbearably.
Then, a faint rustle to your left—a squirrel darting across the underbrush. The guards turned toward the noise, their lanterns swinging wide.
“Must’ve been an animal,” one muttered, though he sounded unconvinced.
“Keep looking,” the other replied gruffly. “The king’s orders were clear—no one’s to linger in the gardens after dark.”
The pair continued past, their voices fading as they moved toward the far side of the grounds.
You let out a shaky breath, but before you could fully relax, Choso grabbed your hand, pulling you to your feet. “We need to go deeper,” he said urgently, his voice low.
Without waiting for your agreement, he led you away from the fountain, weaving through the hedges and into the denser parts of the forest. The shadows thickened as the soft glow of the garden lanterns disappeared behind you. Branches brushed against your arms, and the earthy scent of moss and damp leaves filled the air as you ran.
“Choso!” you whispered breathlessly, struggling to keep up with his longer strides. “They’re gone!”
“Not far enough,” he replied, glancing back at you. “We can’t risk them doubling back.”
The forest grew darker the deeper you went, the canopy above blocking out most of the moonlight. Finally, when the sound of your own breathing seemed louder than anything else, Choso slowed to a halt beneath a towering oak.
“We should be safe here,” he murmured, releasing your hand.
You both sank to the ground, the soft carpet of moss cushioning your fall. For a moment, neither of you spoke, too winded to do anything but sit there, catching your breath. Then, a stifled giggle bubbled out of you, unable to contain the absurdity of the chase.
Choso shot you a warning look, but his resolve cracked when you pressed your hands over your mouth, failing to muffle your laughter. A small laugh escaped him in turn, and soon you were both doubled over, trying in vain to quiet yourselves.
“Shhh!” Choso whispered, though he was grinning. “You’ll get us caught.”
“You’re the loud one,” you whispered back, nudging him playfully.
Soon, the laughter slowly subsided, leaving only the sound of rustling leaves and the distant hoot of an owl. Choso leaned back against the tree, his expression softening as he glanced up at the canopy. His eyes caught on something above, and he pointed. “Look—fruit.”
Following his gaze, you spotted the cluster of small, round pomengrenates hanging from a low branch. Choso stood, brushing dirt from his trousers, and reached up to pluck one. He examined it briefly before biting into it, his movements unhurried and deliberate.
“Are you just going to eat that without offering me one?” you asked, crossing your arms.
He smirked, holding another pomengrenate aloft. “You want it?”
“Obviously.”
But instead of handing it over, Choso lifted it above his head, his smirk widening. “Come and get it.” You stood up, moving closer to him to make a motion to grab the fruit. Alas, the effort was not fruitful.
“Choso!” you hissed, glaring at him as he kept the fruit just out of reach. You try many things: you grab his shoulder, tickle him on his stomach, and arms. However, it all is in vain.
“You’re the one who wants it,” he said, his head peering down at you in amusement.
You stood, determination written all over your face. “Fine. If you think I can’t—”
You leapt, swatting at his hand, but he easily moved the fruit higher, his height giving him the upper hand.
“You’re insufferable!” you said, laughing despite yourself as you tried again, this time jumping with more force. Still, you missed.
“Perhaps you should’ve been born taller,” he teased, a mischievous glint in his eye.
“Or perhaps you should stop being such a—” Before you could finish, he lowered the fruit suddenly, pressing it into your hand.
“There,” he said, smirking. “Satisfied?”
You took a triumphant bite, your glare softening into a grin. “For now.”
Settling back down, you both shared the fruit in companionable silence, the earlier tension of the night dissipating in the quiet forest. Yet, as you sat side by side, something about the way his gaze lingered on you—or perhaps the warmth blooming in your chest—made you wonder if these late-night meetings were becoming something more.
And then, years later, he left for war. Choso left for the battlefield, summoned to serve alongside his father as the general’s son.
The morning he departed was etched into your memory with painful clarity. The air was crisp, the kind that stung your lungs when you breathed too deeply, and the courtyard was alive with the sounds of preparation. Soldiers moved with purpose, their boots striking against the cobblestones in rhythmic determination. Horses snorted and pawed at the ground, their breaths rising like smoke in the cold air.
You stood at the edge of it all, your hands clasped tightly in front of you, trying to keep your expression composed. This was no place for a princess to display her feelings, no matter how tightly they knotted in her chest. Your father was nearby, speaking with the general in low, serious tones, his gaze sweeping over the troops with pride. Your mother was absent, as always, too preoccupied with courtly matters to concern herself with the departure of soldiers—even one who had once been your constant companion.
When Choso emerged from the crowd, his figure clad in the red, utilitarian uniform of a soldier, it was as though the rest of the scene blurred. The boy who had once darted through the gardens with you, his hair wild and his hands dirtied by mischief, now looked every inch the man his father had raised him to be. His hair was tied back, his face set in an unreadable mask of calm, and he carried himself with a solemnity that felt foreign.
He always did make you feel like a child. While you were still delaying acceptance of your fate as the princes—future queen—-he had grown into a man, fated to be a war general.
He approached slowly, each step deliberate. When he stopped before you, he did not smile. Instead, he bowed low, his dark eyes briefly meeting yours. “Your Highness—”
But you had enough of that godforsaken title. “Why must you leave?” You cried, your voice breaking as Choso stood before you in the courtyard.
The image of the steeled soldier crumbled as his eyes softened in fondness and melancholy. “You know I must.”
You shook your head fervently, as if to vehemently deny what was undeniably the truth. “You know that’s not true.” And it wasn’t, for it would only take an imperial command of yours to bar him from ever entering the battlefield.
But it was his dream; you saw the way he looked at his father. To deny Choso the sword and the glory he was destined for was to chain him down, and you knew that. So instead, you shook off the idea, then blurted, “You’ll write to me, won’t you?”
The question hung in the air between you, heavy with expectation. He hesitated, a flicker of something—guilt, perhaps—crossing his face before it smoothed back into neutrality. “If time allows.”
That was all he offered. No promises. No reassurances. Just a vague, distant answer that left your heart sinking.
Outraged, and a bit petulant, you exclaimed. “What do you mean if time allows? Will you be so busy that you won’t have time? Are you not at least going to grant me some peace of mi—what is that?”
In the corner of your eye, you see something in his hand catch the sunlight, and glimmer. He hesitates, his hand clenching before inevitably opening his palm. A timid, “For you, Your Highness.”
An instinctual don’t call me that dies out in your throat as he shows you what he was hiding. In it he uncovers a small, delicate object—a pin shaped like a blooming flower, its petals carved with meticulous detail and painted in hues of white and gold.
You stared at it, your hands trembling as you took it from him. “What is this for?”
“It’s a symbol,” he explained, his voice quieter now, almost hesitant. “Of where I’ll always be, even if I’m not here. Keep it with you, and you’ll know that... that I’ll do everything I can to return.”
“Oh, Choso.” Your bottom lip trembled as tears welled in your eyes, threatening to spill over. Your fingers closed around the pin, the intricate craftsmanship biting into your palm. Somehow, the weight of it felt heavier than it should’ve been. “I don’t want a pin, Choso,” you whispered, voice cracking. “I want you to stay.”
His expression softened, and for a moment, it seemed like he might reach out to you. But then he stilled, the rigidity in his posture a clear reminder of the boundaries he refused to cross.
Even so, you didn’t want to seem ungrateful. The gift, despite your pain, was beautiful, and its meaning wasn’t lost on you. You sniffled, brushing a tear from your cheek with a trembling hand. “But it is beautiful, regardless,” you murmured, holding it up to the light. The golden edges of the petals gleamed softly, like sunlight captured in metal. “Put it in my hair?”
Choso blinked, caught off guard by the request. His gaze flickered between you and the pin, uncertainty etched into his features. “Your Highness, I—”
“Please,” you interrupted gently, tilting your head slightly toward him. “Just this once.”
He hesitated for a long moment, his fingers flexing at his sides as though he were battling some internal conflict. Finally, with a barely audible sigh, he reached out and took the pin from your hand.
You held your breath as he stepped closer, his presence steady and grounding despite the whirlwind of emotions inside you. His hand brushed against your hair and your neck as he carefully gathered a small section, his touch warm and deliberate. You could feel the calluses on his fingertips, earned from countless hours of swordsmanship, yet his movements were painstakingly gentle.
“There,” he said softly, stepping back to examine his work. His gaze lingered on you, and for the first time in what felt like forever, his formal mask cracked ever so slightly. There was something in his eyes—something raw and unspoken—that made your chest tighten.
You reached up instinctively, your fingers brushing against the cool metal of the pin now nestled securely in your hair. “How does it look?” you asked, trying to keep your voice light, though the lump in your throat made it difficult.
Choso’s lips parted, but no words came. He swallowed hard, his gaze darting away as if he couldn’t bear to look at you any longer. “It’s beautiful,” he finally said, his voice barely above a whisper.
The horn sounded again, louder this time, breaking the fragile moment between you. Choso stepped back, the walls of propriety rising between you once more.
“Thank you,” you managed, your voice steady despite the ache in your chest.
He bowed deeply, avoiding your eyes. “Goodbye, Your Highness.”
And then he was gone, leaving you alone with the faint scent of earth and steel, the pin in your hair a bittersweet reminder of the distance that now separated you.
For weeks after, you found yourself restless, wandering the garden paths where you had once talked and laughed together. You scribbled letter after letter, pouring out questions and updates, recounting bits of palace gossip and even sending sketches of the places you’d been. But no reply ever came.
At first, you tried to excuse it—surely, he was too busy, too occupied with the rigors of war to respond. Still, you kept writing, sending your letters to the front lines with the faint hope that one day, you’d receive one in return.
“Any news of the general’s son?” you would ask your father over dinner, feigning casual interest.
“He’s doing well,” your father would reply, distractedly cutting into his meal. “His tactics in the northern campaign have earned him commendation. A fine young soldier.”
You pressed further, ignoring the disapproving look your mother shot you. “And... is he safe?”
Your father raised a brow but indulged you. “Of course. The reports say he’s advancing quickly through the ranks. A promotion to captain is already under consideration.”
Your chest swelled with pride at the thought, but it was quickly eclipsed by frustration. If he was receiving such accolades, surely he could find the time to write a simple letter?
“Why do you trouble your father with such questions?” your mother chided later, her tone clipped. “The general’s son is serving the nation. You should focus on more important matters, like preparing for your duties.”
But your concern for Choso only grew. Whenever news from the front lines arrived, you would listen intently, hoping to hear his name mentioned. When you did, it brought a fleeting sense of relief, but it never lasted long.
The silence from him felt heavier with each passing month. You couldn’t understand it—how could someone who had once been your closest companion, who had sworn to always protect you, sever that bond so easily?
And yet, you never stopped writing. Each letter was folded with care, sealed with your personal wax stamp, and sent off with the same unwavering hope. Even if he didn’t reply, even if you didn’t understand why, you couldn’t bring yourself to stop.
The city was alive with celebration, a symphony of cheers, music, and the occasional crackle of fireworks that lit up the night sky. The soldiers had finally come home after a long winded war, and you just couldn’t miss out on the excitement. After Choso’s departure, you had grown. Before you were a gangly teenager, but now you were a young woman. With this came you forming your own opinion, independent of our parents, and had developed a habit of frequently sneaking out of the palace.
You couldn’t bear to stay confined to the palace, not when the air was thick with excitement and the news of the army’s triumphant return had set the entire city alight. The soldiers, clad in polished armor that gleamed even in the dim light, strode through the streets in small groups while the people cheered on the sidelines. They carried themselves with the confidence of men who had seen battle and emerged victorious.
Young ladies lingered at the edges of the crowd, their eyes alight with hope as they watched the soldiers pass. Some called out to them, their voices playful and lilting, while others merely smiled shyly, clutching kerchiefs or flowers they clearly longed to offer. The soldiers, for the most part, maintained a stoic demeanor, though a few exchanged grins or nodded in acknowledgment, their faces betraying a mix of pride and exhaustion.
Children darted between legs, waving tiny flags and shouting in delight, while their parents looked on with a mix of relief and gratitude. The scent of roasted chestnuts and spiced wine wafted through the air, mingling with the faint metallic tang of the soldiers’ armor. It was a night of unity, of celebration, where the lines between commoner and noble blurred in the shared joy of victory.
Draped in a simple cloak to conceal your identity, you slipped past the guards at the palace gates, your heart pounding with both exhilaration and trepidation. The anonymity of the cloak felt liberating as you merged with the crowd, the world suddenly vast and unguarded in a way it never was within the palace walls.
Laughter surrounded you, the contagious energy of the revelry lifting your spirits as you wandered farther from the familiar confines of royal life. You paused to admire a street performer juggling flaming torches, your cloak billowing slightly in the breeze. But before you could move on, a sudden gust snatched the handkerchief tucked into your cloak.
You gasped, your fingers grasping for it, but the delicate fabric was already airborne, dancing above the heads of the crowd. You watched helplessly as it soared higher, carried by the playful wind. Instinctively, you gave chase, weaving through the throng of revelers as your heart raced with the thrill of pursuit.
The handkerchief drifted out of sight, disappearing beyond the swell of people. Your steps faltered, and you stood on tiptoe, scanning the crowd in vain. It was only then that a firm hand shot up above the sea of heads, catching the fluttering fabric mid-air. The sight of your handkerchief, caught in a strong, gloved grip, sent a jolt through you.
Your gaze traveled upward, and there he stood—a figure that was at once familiar and startlingly different. His broad shoulders and proud stance were unmistakable even before he turned, his dark eyes locking with yours.
“Your Highness?” His voice was deep, steady, and entirely too familiar. Then, his eyes went to your hair—you, still wearing the hairpin he gave you that day—and they filled with a conflicted, longing sort of expression.
Your breath hitched, and for a moment, you froze. He looked so much…bigger. He always had muscles due to his frequent physical lessons, but he was so much taller now, his face a lot more sculpted. Before you could interpret what the lurching in your heart meant, he took a step towards you. But before he could take another step toward you, you turned and ran instinctively, the sound of his voice chasing you as surely as his footsteps.
Fuck, fuck, FUCK! If Choso knew you had sneaked out, he would send you right back, citing useless things about duty and protecting you. While your traitorous heart started beating faster as soon as you saw him—different, but still undeniably Choso—you knew your liberty was at an end if he sent you home and informed your parents of what you did.
You bolted as fast as you could, your cloak billowing behind you as you darted into a narrow alley. Footsteps echoed against the cobblestones, heavy and deliberate, chasing you down. You reached the end of the alley and stopped, your chest heaving, unsure whether to keep running or face him.
“Your Highness,” the voice came again, closer this time.
You spun around, and there he was. Choso. But he wasn’t the boy you remembered—he was a man now. Broad shoulders filled out his uniform, the insignia of his rank glinting on his chest. His hair was tied back, revealing a face hardened by battle and time. Yet his eyes, dark and intense, still held the same quiet depth you’d known as children.
He dropped to one knee, his hand over his heart. “Your Highness.”
You gaped at his display. Since when did he start kneeling? “What are you doing?”
His voice came out, devoid of the warmth you had once known. “It’s protocol, Your Highness.” His head remained bowed, his knee pressed to the uneven cobblestones, the hand holding your handkerchief resting against his heart.
But you were in denial, scrambling to pull him up by his arms. It was futile; he was way stronger than you, and at your touch, he jumped back, as if stung. Wounded, you urged him. “Get up,” you stepped closer, “Choso, it’s me. You don’t need to—”
“I must, Your Highness.” His tone was calm but resolute, his gaze fixed on the ground. “Unless you are issuing an imperial command, I have no choice but to honor the rules set forth by your station.”
You stared at him, your chest tightening. “An imperial command?” The words tasted bitter on your tongue. You didn’t want commands; you wanted familiarity, the easy camaraderie you once shared.
“Yes, Your Highness.” He finally lifted his gaze to meet yours, his dark eyes steady and unreadable. “If you do not wish me to kneel, then say it as such. Otherwise…” He lowered his head again. “This is my place.”
“Your place?” You felt a flicker of anger rise in your chest. “Choso, your place is by my side, as it always has been! Don’t—don’t treat me like some distant monarch.”
His shoulders tensed, and you thought you caught a flash of something—guilt, perhaps?—in the way his fingers tightened around the handkerchief. But still, he didn’t move.
Frustrated, you stepped even closer, your voice rising despite your efforts to remain calm. “Get up,” you said, reaching out and tugging at his arm. “I said, get up!”
“I cannot,” he said softly, the words cutting through your frustration like a blade. “Not unless you order it as my superior.”
You stared at him, a mix of hurt and disbelief swirling in your chest. “Fine,” you said, your voice trembling. “If that’s what it takes, then I command you—get up, Choso. I command you to stand!”
For a moment, the tension lingered in the air, thick and suffocating. Slowly, reluctantly, he rose to his feet, towering over you with a presence that felt both familiar and foreign.
But as you looked up at him, your frustration only grew. “This isn’t you,” you said, your voice softer now, tinged with sadness. “You’re treating me like I’m just your princess, like I’m someone you barely know. Do you even know how much it hurt when you never wrote back to me? I kept sending letter after letter, but it was like you didn’t care. Like you forgot about me.”
Choso’s jaw tightened, his eyes flickering with something unreadable. “It wasn’t my place to respond, Your Highness.”
It was that damn phrase. “Your place?” you echoed, now even more bitterly. “You were my friend, Choso. My closest friend. Now you stand here, calling me Your Highness like I’m a stranger, like we never ran through the gardens or talked under the stars. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
For a moment, his expression softened, but it was fleeting. He straightened, his demeanor distant once more. “It’s dangerous for you to be here,” he said quietly. “I need to call for a carriage to take you back to the palace.”
Your heart sunk to your derriere. If Choso did indeed send you back, your parents would undeniably discover that you’ve been sneaking out. “No!” you snapped, stepping forward. “You can’t. If my parents find out I was here, they’ll—”
“They’ll ensure your safety,” he interrupted, his voice steady but firm. “And that’s what matters.”
You stared at him, now anger bubbling in your chest. “So you’ll just hand me over like I’m some burden to be dealt with? What about you?” Then, in a strong fit, you bursted out. “Are you going to stay here and fool around with girls while I’m locked away in the palace?”
His eyes widened briefly at your accusation, a flicker of surprise breaking through his stoic mask. But then his expression hardened, and he took a step back. “That’s not fair,” he said quietly.
“Fair?” you shot back, your voice trembling. “What’s fair about any of this, Choso? You’re not even trying to fight for us—for the friendship we used to have.”
He hesitated, his hands curling into fists at his sides. “It’s not that simple,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Then make it simple!” you demanded, your heart aching with every word. “Stop pushing me away. Stop acting like I don’t matter to you anymore.”
For a moment, you thought he might say something—something real, something that would bridge the growing chasm between you. But instead, he turned away, his voice steady and distant as he said, “Wait here. I’ll call for the carriage.”
You watched him walk away, the ache in your chest spreading until it felt like it would consume you entirely. The handkerchief in your hand trembled as you clenched your fingers around it, your anger and sadness swirling into a storm of emotion.
And yet, even as he disappeared into the bustling streets, a part of you refused to believe this was the end. You couldn’t let it be.
Ever since his return to the palace, Choso has been ignoring you.
It’s not that you were spending every hour and every minute with him before, when he was just your childhood friend. However, you would meet everyday, whether it to be sneak off into the gardens at night, or meet for lunch or dinner. Even a request of yours could’ve secured a visit to town, the both of you going to town to eat pastries and street food while accompanied by a chaperone. Of course, that was due to your incessant pleas to your disapproving mother, but you could score an occasional playdate outside the palace every month or so.
But it feels…different. And he feels different.
You oft find yourself daydreaming about him, older and a decorated soldier. And before you can catch yourself, you find your cheeks heated and your heart set aflutter. It’s a bit mind-boggling, really. Ever since Choso left, none of the future dukes and lords had ever caught your attention, even at balls. Their gentle, weak disposition didn’t compare to your Choso, you always thought. Back then, you had always thought of it as pride for your best friend, but now…..
Musing aside, you’re tired of this distance Choso has created between you. So you choose to seek him out.
The castle courtyard was alive with the sharp clang of swords and the rhythmic stomp of boots on hard-packed dirt. You leaned over the balustrade of the upper terrace, concealed behind a stone pillar, watching the soldiers below. It wasn’t the sparring or the strategy that captivated you—it was Choso.
The sun bore down on him as he moved with precision and power, his blade a silver blur as he sparred with one of the veteran knights. His whole torso is bare; damp with sweat, the sun shines against the cords and cords of muscle that then lead to a string of hair that trails into his trousers. The muscles in his arms ripple with every swing and parry. You bite your lip, feeling a warmth creep up your cheeks that you stubbornly attributed to the summer heat.
He had changed so much. Gone was the boy who had laughed with you under the willow tree and run with you through the gardens. In his place was a man who carried the weight of war on his broad shoulders, his every movement deliberate, his expression unreadable. And yet, despite the distance he put between you, you couldn’t tear your eyes away.
When the sparring session ended, Choso handed his sword to a squire and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. You straightened as he turned, half-expecting him to glance up and spot you. But he didn’t. Instead, he spoke briefly to the knight, his gaze fixed firmly on the ground.
You took a deep breath, steeling yourself. You couldn’t keep hiding and watching from afar. You had to speak to him, to demand answers for why he had been avoiding you since the day in the alley.
Quickly, you made your way down to the courtyard, your pulse racing as you rehearsed what you would say. But when you reached the training grounds, Choso was already heading toward the barracks.
“Choso!” you called out, your voice echoing across the courtyard.
He froze mid-step, his shoulders tensing before he turned slowly to face you. His expression was neutral, guarded, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes—something he quickly masked.
“Your Highness,” he said, bowing his head. “What brings you here?”
You frowned, frustrated by the formality in his tone. “I wanted to speak with you,” you said, stepping closer. “You’ve been avoiding me.”
He shook his head, his dark hair falling into his eyes. “I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve been busy with training and my duties.”
“That’s a lie,” you said, crossing your arms. “You always find a reason to leave whenever I try to approach you. You didn’t even look at me after the alley—”
“Your Highness,” he interrupted, his voice firm but not unkind. “You shouldn’t be here. It’s not proper for you to be seen in the training grounds.”
“Proper?” you repeated, anger flaring in your chest. “Since when do you care about what’s proper? You didn’t care when we were sneaking out or when we were running through the gardens—”
“That was different,” he said, his tone softer now. “We were children. Things aren’t the same anymore.”
“Why not?” you demanded, your voice trembling. “Why are you pushing me away?”
He hesitated, his gaze flickering to the soldiers milling about in the distance. “I’m not pushing you away,” he said finally. “I’m doing what’s best for you.”
“What’s best for me?” You laughed bitterly, shaking your head. “How can ignoring me and avoiding me be what’s best for me?”
Choso didn’t answer. Instead, he bowed his head again, his hands clenched at his sides. “Forgive me, Your Highness. I need to return to my duties.”
And before you could stop him, he turned and walked away, leaving you standing in the middle of the courtyard, your heart aching with every step he took.
You paced the length of your chambers, clutching the skirts of your dress. It’s been two times that Choso dismissed since his arrival. Did he abhor you so?
It was as if an invisible wall had been erected between you, the builder of it Choso for some mysterious reason. Proprietary aside, it would be okay for the occasional chat, would it not? After all, he was still a noble in his own regard, and a conversation or two wouldn’t be frowned upon. So why was he ignoring you entirely?
You couldn’t take it anymore. If he wouldn’t come to you, then you would ensure he had no choice but to stay by your side. If he truly detests it, you will let him go, no matter how painful it would be and how ardently you would mourn your friendship. But you needed to know.
Resolved, you marched to your parents’ audience chamber, where they were seated in quiet discussion. Your father looked up first, his brows furrowing slightly at your abrupt entrance. “What is it, my dear? You seem troubled.”
Your mother glanced at you as well, seated right next to the king, her sharp gaze assessing. “Has something happened?”
You straightened your shoulders, facing them both, willing your voice to remain steady. “Father, Mother, I have a request.”
Your father tilted his head, curious. “Go on.”
You hesitated for only a moment before speaking. “I would like Choso to be assigned as my personal guard.”
The queen blinked, her lips pressing into a thin line, and questioned, “Choso?”
“Yes,” you said quickly to prevent your mother from getting a word in. “He’s proven himself in battle, hasn’t he? He’s been promoted several times for his skill and loyalty. Who better to protect me?”
Your father leaned back in his chair, stroking his beard thoughtfully. “It’s true he’s risen quickly through the ranks. He’s a fine soldier.”
“And he’s someone I trust,” you added, stepping closer. “He’s been by my side since we were children. I feel safer with him than with anyone else. With me growing into adulthood, there would be no one better to be by my side.”
Your mother’s gaze sharpened. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with his recent return to the palace, would it?”
You met her eyes, refusing to back down. “It has everything to do with the fact that I need someone I can rely on. Someone who knows me.”
Your father exchanged a look with your mother, his expression unreadable. Finally, he nodded. “Very well. I will speak to the general about the arrangement.” Then, a little wryly, he adds, “Although, I did hear that it was him that reported you when you were sneaking out in public. Perhaps it would be a fine match.” At that, your mother visibly bristled at the memory of hearing that you were out, unguarded.
At the king’s words, relief washed over you, but it was quickly tempered by your mother’s stern voice. “This is highly unusual, you know. A princess requesting a specific guard. People will talk.”
Inwardly, you rolled your eyes, but showing sass to your mother would mean that she would argue further. Instead, you went and showed her your pride. “Let them,” you said, lifting your chin. “I don’t care what they say.”
Your father chuckled softly, knowing you would say something of the sort. “Spoken like a true princess.”
“Thank you,” you said, bowing your head. “Both of you, Father and Mother.”
As you left the chamber, your heart raced with a mix of excitement and nervousness. This was your chance—your chance to bring Choso back into your life. Whatever walls he had built between you, you were determined to tear them down.
The water was warm, steam curling gently around you as you leaned back in the large marble tub. The golden light of the setting sun streamed through the stained-glass windows, casting vibrant patterns across the tiled floor. It was one of the few moments you had to yourself, free from the watchful eyes of attendants and the endless constraints of royal duty. You closed your eyes, sinking deeper into the water, allowing yourself to relax—until the door to your bathing chamber slammed open.
“Your Highness, why did you—” At first, Choso raised his voice slightly, storming in. Then, he stopped right in his tracks as he noticed you, and your face, your neck and then the rest of your body engorged in soapy, steamy water. Blushing furiously, he turned, scrambling for the door. “My apologies, I didn’t mean to—”
He was rigid as he stormed toward the exit, and you couldn’t help but stifle a giggle at the sight. “Choso, wait,” you called, your voice laced with amusement. He stopped abruptly, halting awkwardly in his tracks. “While I appreciate your enthusiasm for your new title,” you teased, “I’d prefer if you didn’t barge into the bathing chamber. Let us count ourselves lucky that you had not seen… more.”
It was nearly impossible not to laugh now. Even the back of his neck was flushed a deep crimson, and it struck you as absurdly endearing. The aloof and stoic soldier who had spent weeks ignoring you had crumbled into a shy boy at the mere sight of you in a tub. You supposed it made sense—he’d likely not had much interaction with women, what with his rigid dedication to the army. Still, his reaction felt... exaggerated.
Choso let out a shaky exhale, his voice strained when he finally spoke. “I apologize,” he said, his tone clipped as though to mask his discomfort. “But I must ask—why did you instate me as your guard?”
The answer was simple, and you played absentmindedly with a soap bubble as you replied, “Because there is no one I trust more than you.”
For a moment, the room was silent save for the faint dripping of water. Then, Choso spoke, his voice low and almost pained. “Why must you do this to me? Why must you torment me so?”
What?
His words pierced through the lighthearted atmosphere, leaving you stunned. A pang of hurt welled in your chest at the sharpness of his tone. “Does it torment you to be in my company?” you asked, laughing scornfully to hide the sting.
When he didn’t answer, the silence was louder than any words could have been.
“If it torments you,” you continued bitterly, “then so be it. You have already had my one liberty stripped away. Mother and Father have doubled the surveillance on me, all thanks to you.” The memory of your recent restrictions only added fuel to the fire of your frustration. “Is this not fair? An eye for an eye, then. Perhaps your torment will teach you to stop pretending you know what’s best for me.”
Still brimming with anger, you lifted your chin and gestured to the door. “You may leave now.”
For a moment, he stood there, the weight of his presence filling the room. Then, with a stiff nod, he turned to the door. “Your Highness,” he murmured, his voice cold and formal.
And then, he was gone.
You really do abhor dinner parties.
There’s much wrong with them, and if you had to, you could do a systematic rundown of every single grievance. The first and foremost was the absurd inability to properly enjoy the food. The chefs’ hard work deserved to be indulged in, not nibbled delicately with those ridiculous little spoons. And then there was the matter of breathing, which you could barely manage with your waist cinched so tightly and your bodice forcing your chest up like some cruel display. Sitting down practically demanded you forgo the simple luxury of air.
But the worst part? Having to entertain men.
“And I have acquired double the profits of Lord Gojo,” Lord Naoya declared, puffing his chest like a rooster preening in the henhouse. His voice boomed with self-importance, his words spilling out in a showy, rehearsed cadence.
You couldn’t help yourself—you smiled. And while it appeared to him as admiration, it was born of pure amusement. The man clearly thought you were too dim to know better, but you were well-versed in state finances. Lord Naoya’s exaggerated claims were as transparent as glass.
On your right, Choso sat silently, his role as your personal guard justifying his unusually close position. He had been quiet all evening, his eyes scanning the room more than his plate.
“And surely, a woman as lovely as yourself would agree that business acumen is the truest mark of a man’s value,” Naoya continued, leaning closer to you with a smirk you found utterly punchable.
You giggled, not at his words, but at the sheer absurdity of them. You bit your lip to stifle a laugh, but your amusement couldn’t be fully hidden.
When you finally turned to glance at Choso, however, your mirth faltered. He wasn’t looking at Naoya anymore—his dark eyes were locked on you, his brows furrowed, lips pressed into a thin, disapproving line.
He looked very upset.
You blinked, confused, before glancing back at Naoya, who was still prattling on, utterly oblivious. Was Choso… angry at you?
It didn’t make sense. After you had initiated him as your guard, he’d been resigned after that confrontation in your bathing chambers. Ever since, you’d seen him stoic, protective, and even exasperated, but this—this was different. The weight of his gaze lingered on you like a reprimand, and it unsettled you in ways you couldn’t quite explain.
“Your Highness, I trust you’d agree,” Naoya pressed, oblivious to the charged air.
“Agree?” you echoed, snapping back to attention. You hadn’t been listening, too distracted by Choso’s silent brooding. “Oh, of course,” you said vaguely, waving your hand with a polite smile. “I couldn’t agree more.”
Naoya looked pleased with himself, but you barely noticed. Your focus shifted back to Choso, who had turned his head forward, his jaw tight. You leaned closer to him, lowering your voice so only he could hear. “Is something the matter?”
He didn’t look at you, his tone curt. “Nothing, Your Highness.”
Your stomach twisted at the formality. The night had already been exhausting enough, and now Choso was acting like you’d personally offended him.
“Choso,” you pressed, your voice softer now, “if I’ve done something to upset you—”
“It’s not my place to say,” he interrupted, finally looking at you. His gaze was sharp, cutting through your defenses. “But if I may offer counsel, I’d suggest not wasting your smiles on men like him.”
You blinked, taken aback. His words weren’t loud, but they struck with the force of a hammer.
“What does that mean?” you whispered, your amusement long gone, replaced by confusion—and something else you couldn’t quite name.
“It means,” Choso said, his voice low, “that he’s not worth it.”
His words hung in the air between you, heavy with implication.
Before you could respond, the clinking of glasses drew everyone’s attention, and you were forced to look away as a toast was made. But even as the room filled with polite applause and laughter, your thoughts were consumed by Choso’s quiet but pointed remarks.
When you glanced back at him, his focus was elsewhere, his expression carefully neutral. Yet something about the tension in his shoulders told you that the conversation wasn’t over—not really.
And for the rest of the evening, Naoya’s words became nothing more than background noise, drowned out by the quiet storm brewing in Choso’s eyes.
The air in your chambers was warm, the faint crackle of the fireplace soothing you as your maid finished tugging the laces of your nightgown into place. The fabric was delicate, thin enough to feel the cool evening breeze against your skin despite the room's warmth. With a bow, the maid excused herself, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
Ever since that dinner party with Naoya, Choso had been more distant than ever. Before, it had seemed that he had warmed up to the task of being your guard; whenever you walked through the garden, you eventually warmed him enough that the both of you could converse during the stroll. Of course, it hadn’t returned to what it was like before, but it was still progress. However, now it seemed that all he had to offer was curt responses and avoidant stares.
The change grated on you, more than you cared to admit. You weren’t naïve; you knew something had shifted that night. The way he had looked at you, the way his words had cut—it all lingered, a splinter in your chest that you couldn’t pull free.
Still, tonight was meant to be routine, a brief reprieve from the emotional turmoil. You always ended your evenings with a massage, a small luxury that helped soothe the tension from the day. Summoning Choso to your chambers, you intended for him to call for the maid who usually performed the task.
When he arrived, his expression was as stony as ever. “You called for me, Your Highness?”
“Yes, Choso,” you said, smoothing your hands over the hem of your nightgown. You lazed back on your chaise lounge, head against pillow as you looked at him. “I need the maid for my massage. Could you fetch her?”
He hesitated. “The maids have retired for the night. Shall I summon someone from the servants’ quarters?”
You frowned. The thought of disturbing anyone at this hour felt excessive. Then, your gaze drifted to Choso, his broad shoulders rigid, his hands clasped behind his back in his usual formal stance. An idea struck you, and you spoke before fully thinking it through.
“Then you’ll do it.”
His dark eyes snapped to yours, wide with disbelief. “Your Highness, I—”
You tilted your head, feigning innocence but unable to fully hide the mischief in your smile. “Oh, come now, Choso. You’re stronger than any maid. Surely, your hands would be better suited for the task.”
For a moment, he simply stared at you as though you’d just declared the sky was green. His lips parted, but no words came out, his gaze darting nervously around the room before settling back on you. “I don’t think that’s… appropriate,” he said carefully, his voice low and strained.
You leaned back slightly, arching a brow. “And why not? It’s just a massage. Surely, as my personal guard, it’s your duty to ensure my comfort, no?”
“Your Highness—”
“Choso,” you interrupted, your tone softening as you leaned forward slightly, letting your hair cascade over one shoulder. “You’ve sworn an oath to protect me. Are you really going to deny me such a simple request? Besides,” you added with a teasing smile, “I trust you. Who better to take care of me?”
His jaw tightened, and he looked away, his shoulders visibly tensing. It was rare to see him so uncharacteristically flustered, and you found it almost endearing. Still, you could see the war waging behind his eyes—the struggle between his rigid sense of propriety and his inability to deny you.
“Choso,” you said again, gentler this time, “it’s just us here. No one else needs to know. Please?”
The word seemed to undo him. After a long, weighted pause, he exhaled sharply, his hands clenching at his sides before he gave a stiff nod. “As you wish, Your Highness.”
You smiled in satisfaction and shifted, lying down on the chaise lounge with your head resting on your folded arms. The thin fabric of your nightgown clung to your back and shoulders, leaving little to the imagination, but you paid it no mind. Choso, however, hesitated, his gaze flickering over you before he finally moved to kneel beside you, his movements almost painfully hesitant.
You settled onto the chaise lounge, lying on your stomach and pulling your hair over one shoulder to expose the curve of your neck. The thin fabric of your nightgown clung to your body, leaving little to the imagination, but you paid no mind to it. Choso, however, lingered for a moment longer than necessary, his dark eyes flickering over the exposed skin before quickly darting away.
The tension in the room was palpable, and though you couldn’t see his face, you could feel his hesitation. The silence stretched, heavy and awkward, until finally, he knelt beside you, his movements stiff and deliberate. His hands hovered just above your shoulders for a moment, as if he were debating whether to go through with it, before he finally made contact.
The first press of his palms was firm, his calloused hands warm against your skin. He worked in silence, but his touch was tentative, almost reluctant, as though every movement was a battle against himself. His fingers found the knots in your shoulders, but his grip tightened slightly as you let out a soft sigh of relief.
“You’re good at this,” you murmured, your voice languid. “I should’ve asked you sooner.”
Choso didn’t respond, but his hands stilled for the briefest moment, his jaw tightening. He resumed a beat later, his touch growing more confident as his fingers moved lower, kneading along the length of your spine. Yet, there was something almost possessive in the way he worked, his hands lingering at the curve of your back, brushing the edges of your nightgown with an intimacy that felt deliberate, even if unspoken.
Heat pooled in your belly, but the mood shifted when Choso spoke, his voice low and edged with something that made your breath catch.
“Do you let all your guards do this to you?”
Your eyes snapped open, the sharpness of his tone cutting through the haze. You turned your head to look at him, frowning. “What?”
He straightened, pulling his hands away, anger visible on his face. “Do you let all your guards touch you like this, or am I just the special fool?”
The accusation in his voice stung. You sat up on the chaise lounge, clutching the fabric of your nightgown to your chest. “What are you implying?”
“I’m implying,” he said, his eyes dark and filled with something unnameable, “that you smiled at Naoya like he was the only man in the room. That you entertained his nonsense—his lies—like you actually enjoyed it.”
A sharp laugh escaped you, incredulous and hurt. “You think I was flirting with Naoya? That I would ever entertain a fool like him?”
“You did tonight,” Choso shot back, his jaw clenched tightly. “You smiled and laughed at him, as if he deserved it. As if you weren’t above him. The you I knew wouldn’t have entertained someone like Naoya for a second. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”
That cut deeper than it should have. Your breath hitched, and frustration welled in your chest, bursting free before you could stop it.
“You don’t know me anymore?” you echoed, your voice trembling with emotion. “Well, Choso, I don’t know you either! You’re the one who left me without a word. You’re the one who never answered my letters, who pushed me away for no reason. You didn’t answer them for years, Choso. For years! How can you stand there and talk about me changing when you’ve done everything you could to shut me out?”
He flinched, as if your words struck a nerve. His gaze fell to the floor, his hands curling into fists at his sides. “I didn’t answer because I thought it was better that way,” he said quietly. “Because I knew… whatever this was—whatever we were—it couldn’t last. I didn’t want to make it harder for you.”
Your heart cracked at his words, tears threatening to spill over. “You didn’t want to make it harder for me?” you repeated, your voice rising. “You made it unbearable, Choso! You didn’t just leave me, you abandoned me. Without explanation, without closure. You were my friend, my closest ally, and you just… disappeared!”
“I was avoiding the inevitable,” he said, his tone low and bitter. “I was saving us both from something that could never be.”
“And why not?” you demanded, stepping closer. “Why couldn’t we have stayed friends? Why couldn’t you have stayed as someone I trusted, someone I could rely on?”
Choso let out a harsh, incredulous laugh, his head bowing as his hands rose to rub at his temples. When he looked back at you, his eyes burned with an intensity that sent a shiver down your spine.
“You think I just want to be your ally?” Choso’s voice cracked, his tone harsh and trembling, a storm barely contained within him. He stepped closer, his shadow stretching toward you in the dim light. His dark eyes blazed, raw and unguarded, piercing straight through you.
“Do you think I want to spend the rest of my life standing at your side, pretending it doesn’t destroy me every time you smile at another man?” he continued, his voice rising with emotion. “Do you think I want to be some nameless figure in your life, someone who exists only to bow, to nod, to follow orders while the rest of the world gets to bask in your warmth?”
Your breath hitched as he took another step, the space between you shrinking.
“I don’t want to be your ally, your friend, or some loyal servant,” he said, his voice dropping to a rough whisper. “I want you. I have always wanted you.”
His confession struck you like lightning, setting every nerve ablaze. You could see the anguish etched into his features, the way his hands shook as if he was struggling to hold himself back.
“I want to touch you without wondering if it’s inappropriate,” he went on, his words tumbling out, unrestrained. “I want to kiss you without the weight of the crown between us. I want to wake up beside you every morning, knowing you’re mine—truly mine—and not just some unattainable dream I’ve been foolish enough to carry.”
“Choso…” you whispered, but he didn’t stop. He couldn’t.
“I want to tear apart every damned rule, every line drawn between us,” he continued, his voice thick with frustration and desire. “I want the world to see that you’re mine—not Naoya’s, not some prince’s, not anyone else’s. Mine.”
He let out a bitter laugh, running a hand through his hair, his composure unraveling further. “But that’s not what the world allows, is it?” he said, his tone laced with venom. “Because I’m not a prince or a duke or anyone worthy of you. I’m just a man—a soldier. And the world says I can’t have you.”
His chest heaved with the force of his confession, and his eyes—God, his eyes—burned with a pain so deep it was almost unbearable to witness.
You swallowed hard, your heart pounding as his words sank in. “You could have had me,” you said, your voice trembling, tears stinging your eyes. “If you’d just stayed, if you’d let me in instead of shutting me out. We could have figured this out together, Choso. I would have fought for you.”
His expression faltered, a flicker of vulnerability breaking through his anger. “And what would you have me do?” he asked hoarsely. “Stand beside you while everyone whispers that I’m unworthy? Watch as suitors line up for your hand, knowing I can’t stop them because it’s my duty to protect you, not love you?”
“I don’t care what the world says!” you burst out, stepping closer, your voice rising with desperation. “I don’t care about duty or station or rules. All I ever wanted was you, Choso. You, as my friend, my ally, my—”
“Your what?” he interrupted, his voice low and rough. “Say it. Say what I’ve been longing to hear and dreading all at once.”
Your breath hitched, tears streaming down your face as you met his gaze. “My everything,” you whispered.
For a moment, the tension between you hung thick and electric, the weight of years of unspoken words pressing down on you both. Then Choso stepped back, his hands clenched into fists at his sides, his jaw tight.
“That’s why I stayed away,” he said quietly, his voice breaking. “Because I knew if I didn’t, I’d lose myself in you completely. And I wouldn’t be able to let you go. This is why I must stay away.”
For a moment, he lingered there, his hand flexing at his side as if fighting some invisible force. His gaze dropped, and when he finally turned away, it was slow, deliberate, each step a struggle. He didn’t look back as he crossed the threshold, the heavy sound of the door closing behind him echoing in the silence.
The silence in your room was suffocating. Curtains drawn tightly, the dim flicker of a single candle cast wavering shadows on the stone walls. Plates of untouched food sat on a tray near the door, abandoned by the maids you had dismissed hours ago. The only sound was the faint rustle of your gown as you shifted on the edge of your bed, your arms wrapped around yourself as if trying to hold your broken pieces together.
A soft knock broke the stillness, tentative and almost hesitant. You didn’t answer. You didn’t want to see anyone, let alone speak. Whoever it was would surely leave if you didn’t respond.
But the door creaked open.
Your heart twisted. “I told you all to leave me be,” you said hoarsely, your voice barely louder than a whisper.
“I’m not one of your maids,” came a quiet reply from a voice that was all-too-familiar.
Your head snapped up, breath catching in your throat as Choso stepped into the room, closing the door softly behind him. His dark eyes, always so steady and unreadable, now held an uncharacteristic uncertainty.
“Get out,” you said, your tone sharper than you intended, though the hurt behind it was impossible to mask. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“I know,” he murmured, taking a hesitant step forward. He held something in his hands—a small stack of parchment, edges worn and yellowed. “But I have something to say to you.”
You frowned, your gaze darting to the papers he carried. “What is that?”
“Letters,” Choso said, his voice thick with emotion. He swallowed hard before continuing, “The ones I wrote to you but never sent.”
You stiffened, your heart lurching painfully in your chest. “Why are you showing me this now?”
“Because I should have given them to you a long time ago,” he said simply. “And because I need you to know… what I couldn’t say before. But what I feel I must say now, for I am done with pretending I am not a selfish, selfish man.”
He stepped closer, setting the letters on the bed beside you. For a moment, he hesitated, then knelt before you, his hands resting on his thighs as he looked up at you with a mixture of guilt and determination, as if he had made a decision. And you fight desperately to not yourself believe that, perhaps, he has changed his mind, that he will finally take you in the way you desire.
But you steel your heart as you cautiously look at him.
“Read them,” he said quietly. “Please.”
Your fingers trembled as you reached for the stack, the paper cool and rough beneath your touch. The first letter was dated years ago, the ink slightly smudged, as if his hand had lingered too long on the words.
My dearest friend,
I’ve written and torn up this letter a dozen times. How do I explain the ache I feel every night I march under foreign stars? How do I explain that even on the battlefield, amidst the chaos, my mind drifts to you? I think of our secret meetings in the garden, the way you’d laugh as you dared me to meet you in the willow tree every night. Do you remember that night we barely escaped the guards? Your laughter, your gown splayed across the forest floor. I dream of those nights—of you leaning close to steal the fruit in my palm, staring up at me, the world disappearing, and wishing I could ask for more. For you close to me not under the pretense of stealing the pomegranate in my hand, but for something more.
Your voice broke as you read, tears pooling in your eyes. Choso remained silent, his head bowed, but you could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his hands curled into fists at his sides.
You moved to the next letter.
The scent of jasmine haunted me on the journey here. Every step of the way, I remembered you crouched beneath the trellis, daring me to pluck the flowers despite the gardener’s wrath. When I handed you the bouquet, your smile made me feel invincible, as though I could conquer kingdoms just to see it again. I wished then that I could have told you the truth—that every reckless moment we shared was a reprieve from the weight of duty. I wanted to kiss you in the moonlight, to tell you that you were more than a dream to me. I tried to, in part, with the hairpin I gave you, one that amplified your gentle beauty even more than I thought possible. But how could I ruin what little time we had?
“Choso,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “Why didn’t you send these?”
“I was a coward,” he admitted, his voice barely audible. “I thought… I thought it was kinder to stay away. To bury how I felt. But it wasn’t kinder, was it?”
You shook your head, unable to speak as you continued reading, each letter peeling away the walls you’d built to protect yourself from the pain of his absence.
When you reached the last letter, your breath hitched.
If I were braver, I’d tell you this to your face: I love you. I’ve loved you since the first time we ran barefoot through the gardens, laughing until we couldn’t breathe. I’ve loved you since you bandaged my hand after my sparring lessons, scolding me and treating me gently as if I weren’t a warrior, as if my rough, damaged hands were worth your care. I love you with a desperation that terrifies me, that kept me awake in camp as I replayed your smile over and over. If I lose you now, it will be my own doing. But still, I love you.
Your tears fell freely now, soaking the parchment. Choso rose slowly, his hands lifting as if to touch you but stopping just shy of your skin.
“Say something,” he pleaded, his voice raw.
Instead, you surged forward, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down to meet you. Your lips found his in a kiss that was fierce and unrestrained, pouring every ounce of longing, anger, and love into the connection.
Choso froze for a heartbeat before melting into you. The kiss deepened, his lips moving against yours with a hunger that matched your own.
His hands moved to grasp your waist, as if afraid you might vanish. Before they could touch you, he paused as if doubting his ability to be able to touch you. To your frustration, the heat of his almost-contact pulled away. “Your Highness—”
“Choso,” you pleaded, grasping his hands in yours and placing them on their rightful place: your body. You dragged his hands down your torso, helping him explore your curves sensually, intimately as he squeezed his brows together, eyes shut, conveying his inner turmoil. His resolve almost cracked as you begged him, “Take me. Please.”
With agitation, he withdrew his hands from your grasp, painfully clenching them by his sides as he groaned. “Your Highness, you’re playing with fire. I mustn’t. Your body is of a thousand gold, and I would never dare to touch you with my hands—”
But you interrupted him by snorting. “If it is of a thousand gold, or whatever archaic term the royal legends have invented, then you are a thousand gold richer.” You gently took his face in your arms, kissing his forehead. “I am yours, and if you believe that anyone will have my heart after you, then you are most grievously mistaken.”
He still looked at you, both kneeling on your bed, with a conflicted expression. You gave him a reassuring look before pressing another gentle kiss to his lips. Then, you teased him softly. “Will you not fight for my hand? Will you truly let me be promised to another man after this?”
His eyes darkened in a possessive manner, as he joined his lips against yourself furiously. “I would never,” he punctuated his interruptions with a searing kiss. “let anyone have you after this.”
With tender hands that heavily contrasted his desperation, he slipped the shoulder of your dress, dragging the hem down and down until your breasts were bare to the air. “So, so beautiful,” he whispered before enclosing your nubs in his mouth, kissing them both tenderly.
You could only but gasp, victim to his ministrations as he sneaked another hand up your legs, gently caressing your thighs until he met your core. He groaned, louder than ever, when he was met with the bare heat, wet with your desire and arousal all for him. With painstaking gentleness, he eased a finger in, drinking in your moans and sounds of pleasure.
He couldn’t help but smile at the small scream that escaped you when he curled his fingers up. It seemed he had found the place that pleasured you most, one that you had stayed unbeknownst to. And he definitely couldn’t stop himself from torturing and repeatedly hitting against it with the way squeals of his name left your mouth whenever he did so.
Before you knew it, an unknown feeling washed over you as Choso kept continuing his touches, one that seemed like worship with how he was looking for your reactions, for your pleasure. A gush of slick escaped you, and Choso kissed your breasts one final time before drawing out his finger.
You peered down at him, flushed, as his eyes stayed trained on you while he slowly drew his finger inside his mouth, seeming to savor your taste. At last, he pulled it away from his mouth and asked, voice hoarse, “how are you feeling?”
You laugh bashfully and look away, blushing. “You know you don’t need to ask that. But,” and you pause, looking at him through your lashes, “you know I want more.”
The flush that was only apparent on his cheeks spread to his entire face and neck and he whines as he buries his face in your breasts once more, now to evade eye contact. “Don’t say things like that. It makes holding back even more arduous.”
You stroke his hair, smiling softly. “Would you have any qualms about taking my…maidenhood if you were my husband.”
His answer is immediate. “Absolutely not.”
“So you want to…make love with me?” You heat up at your own words, nervously looking at him in fear of his rejection.
He pauses, but then slowly nods. “Well, yes, but—”
“Then we shall put archaic traditions aside. Choso,” and you look at him mischievously as he squints at you, “I command you to make love to me.”
The reaction is immediate. As if animated again, he pins you down against your mattress, eyes feral as he takes your lips with his once more. With both hands, a riiiip echoes across the room as he entirely tears your shift in his bare hands. Mind you, it was not weak material, and you lay dumbfounded as he strips his shirt off.
You don’t even have time to admire his bare torso, muscled as you knew it would be. Your eyes automatically trail down to the string of hair that leads down to his v-line as he rids himself of his trousers.
What gets uncovered makes you pray for your life, and you gasp, eyes wide. “How is that even supposed to go inside—”
He says your name, reassuringly, as he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. “I will take the utmost care of you. I promise.” He lines his length with your entrance, and, with another kiss, he pushes in gently.
When his member first breaches you, you gasp, dizzied by the fullness. Then, as he slowly bottoms out, you whine while impaled on his cock. “More.”
Basking in the euphoria of your clenching heat around him, at your request, he curses. He pulls out his length—slowly, gently—and then slams back in, and you squeal, whispering a breathless utter of his name once more.
He continues making love to you, the sounds of his devotion echoing across the room. When you both climax, it is down with a prayer of the other’s name, as a promise. That you are both each other’s, and no qualms about proprietary and status could any longer apprehend either of you.
When the both of you settle down, him having gently cleaned you with a cloth, he collapses next to you in bed, bare arms engulfing you and pulling you closer. As you both lie there, skin to skin, you giggle at your own thoughts.
At the sound, Choso perks up, looking at you in soft amusement. “What’s the matter, my love?”
Ignoring the way your heart fluttered at the nickname, you replied, “I daresay you will be the strongest prince consort in the history of our kingdom.”
The mention of the weak nobles that had ascended the throne in centuries past makes him snicker smugly. “I would agree,” he muses, amused like you. “They would not have been as tall as me, or as strong, or as good in bed—-”
“Choso!” you squealed, grabbing a pillow and smacking him with it.
Grinning like a devil, he dodged with ease, catching your wrist and pulling you down onto the bed. Before you could protest, he wrestled himself on top of you, pinning your arms above your head and smothering you in kisses.
After his barrage was over, he turned solemn once more. “I’m serious,” he murmured, his tone softer, more sincere. His dark eyes searched yours, and his voice dropped to a near whisper. “I’ll protect you, stand beside you, love you until my last breath. You’re my queen in every way that matters. And no matter what, I’ll never leave your side again.”
Your breath hitched, his words settling deep in your chest. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, but you smiled, warmth flooding your heart. “And I’ll hold you to that, my love.”
He leaned down, capturing your lips in a kiss that was equal parts promise and devotion. It wasn’t hurried or frenzied, but slow, a tangible declaration of everything you both had endured to reach this moment. Here, in the quiet of your chamber, with his weight grounding you and his lips marking you as his, you found the only place you wanted to be—by his side, now and always.
general masterlist
a/n AHH HI POOKIES!! I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED MY FIRST CHOSO FIC?? let me know if i do him justice this was written with my pussy and me having a specific hyperfixation :3 anyways i really enjoyed writing this and i hope you guys did too :')
comment and reblog to let me know ur thots ;3
More Posts from Iamyoojin and Others
choso added to the frat mix oh someone save him
New Year's resolution
If only he was real and my man 😞🙏🏻
Title: Falling Into Place
Pairing: Shinichiro x Reader
Summary: A few misfortunate and fortunate events lead to you dating the leader of the Black Dragon. It turns out it’s not so bad. | Genre: Fluff | Warning: Bullying, some light angst | Words: 17.3K
‘Are we going to make one for Sano as well?’
Your hand that had just put your school shoes into your shoe locker paused briefly.
When you came into the hallway to change your shoes, you did notice several girls from the B-class standing together and talking about something. Still, you did your best to ignore them, hoping they wouldn’t see you. You wished it was that easy. You wouldn’t bother them, and they would leave you alone, but you weren’t always that lucky.
You knew some of them from elementary and middle school, and it seemed with every year you were unfortunate enough to end up in the same school as them, they’ve only gotten worse. Even those you didn’t know personally growing up, you still knew to some extent. If only because they were all the same.
Mean, untrustworthy followers with obnoxious giggles.
You were grateful that now in high school, you, at the very least, were lucky enough to end up in the A-class where it seemed the girls were much nicer or at least not as much under the influence of one girl in particular. The girl that was the sole reason you paid attention to what they were about to say, sensing something shitty and shady was coming.
‘What? Sano?’ asked the girl in that sweet voice you long since knew was just an act, just as everything else about her, ‘Well, I would love to. But I don’t support delinquents!’ she even added a little giggle at the end, causing some of the other girls who were standing around her to laugh as well. You rolled your eyes at her fake kindness.
‘I guess he will just remain a loser for Valentine’s Day too,’ said another one of your classmates just as you closed your locker shut, sparking another outburst of giggles from some of the girls and for you to frown even if you didn’t say anything and instead left so you didn’t have to be in the presence of those girls a moment longer.
‘Goodbye, y/n-chan. Have a nice day,’ called that girl with her sweet voice after you, and you had no choice but to wave at her and mumble a goodbye. You heard her comment on it. Something like that’s okay. She’s shy like that, and you force yourself to continue to walk, hoping you would be out of her mind, too, if you were out of her sight.
Stepping outside the school and breathing the fresh air you didn’t have to share with that girl and her followers was soul-cleansing.
You supposed everyone experienced a girl like that every once in their lives. Someone who always gathered a following and admiration from girls and boys alike. She always seemed to have it all together, a good and secure family, lots of friends, exciting experiences and vacations, and good grades, and everyone seemed to buy into her sweet persona. Everyone but you, it seemed.
This girl was like that ever since you knew her, and as shameful as it was to admit it yourself, it did take you a couple of years to correctly figure it out and see her for who she really was.
Before, you supposed you were one of her followers or at least getting there until, for some reason, she decided to exclude you from the group and make you a target instead. She had to have a reason. She had a reason for everything she did, but you never really understood why. Either way, you always told yourself you were better off especially given what you just heard.
Now, every time you heard or noticed another one of the mean tricks, she liked to pull on people unfortunate enough to simply met her in life, you couldn’t help but think about all those things she did before, even those you didn’t think were all that mean or cruel at the time, in a new light.
Are we going to make one for Sano?
No way!
Those words and that obnoxious giggle haunted you all the way home as you recalled your past experiences with that girl.
You knew what she was planning since something similar already took place in middle school. Back then, you two were classmates, and you naively believed friends because of how friendly and sweet she was. She suggested you and your female classmates should bake giri choco (obligatory chocolates) for every boy in your class so they wouldn’t feel excluded if they didn’t have anyone who wanted to confess to them.
Back then, it sounded like such a nice gesture. You really admired her for being such a good person. Of course, all the other girls agreed, and you all baked chocolates and handed them out on Valentine’s Day.
Everyone was happy and praised her for how nice and thoughtful she was to suggest such an idea. Even the teachers seemed impressed. You were impressed. Even if some of you were slightly disappointed since that was the year you tried to gather the courage to make chocolate for your crush. The friendly and funny boy who lived two houses from you and used to play with you behind his house. You liked him a lot and for a really long time, and you were hopeful that he might like you back. In the end, even if you couldn’t confess that year, you were glad to see so many people were in a good mood, and you took part in making it happen. It really boosted your self-esteem and made you giddy.
And besides, you told yourself, there was always next year. You weren’t going to be selfish after all.
Then a month later came White Day, and the boys, following the girls’ example, gave out white chocolates and other sweets to every single girl except for you.
You were shocked and humiliated, waiting for every single break until the last one when you would find something on your desk or your school bag, only to be crushed when you were the only one left without any gift at the end of the day. You didn’t understand it. Sure, you weren’t confident or naïve enough to expect a confession from your crush or anyone else. Still, at the very least, you did expect a reciprocate chocolate like all your classmates.
Your self-esteem and mood hit their lowest by the end of the school day when everyone talked about what they got and played a guessing game of which boy gave out their sweets, only for you to put your shoes on with a red face and tears threatening to break out of your eyes. You remembered being so confused, hurt, mortified, and upset.
As if the cruel fate wasn’t done with you just yet, that girl pointed out how weird it was and told you not to be sad that you ‘were the only one’ who didn’t get anything loud enough for every girl to hear and take pity on you.
At that moment, just as some girls patted your back or tried to hug you, reassuring you not to feel too bad about it, you saw that girl’s tiny smile. You thought it was cruel of her to smile when you were this upset. It was the first time you thought of her as anything other than a sweet and good person and friend.
It wasn’t until graduation that one of your classmates said she asked around and heard that someone spread the word that you didn’t participate in giving out the chocolate and, therefore, shouldn’t get any on White Day. By then, you were a target of some other jokes, so you already knew what that girl was all about and that she was behind this all.
It wasn’t the first time you heard about something that girl was planning. Although you knew it was shitty of her, you weren’t the type to tell on her, fearing what she might do to hurt you if she found out. You already ended up as her target a few times, and it was soul-crushing, to say the least.
At times, you often wished you were someone else. Someone braver who could stand up to her and who others would believe, but even in your fantasies, you more often than not allowed insecurities and self-doubt to win, imagining everyone calling you a liar and taking her side.
Sighing, you knew there wasn’t anything you could do. Not really, at least.
But...Sano-san will be hurt if he’s the only one without chocolate.
It shouldn’t bother you all that much.
You didn’t know Sano that well, apart from living in the same area and often ending up in the same schools. You two were always in different classes. You probably never even spoke directly to each other. You had a faded memory that you and a few other kids played tag together, but by then, you couldn’t even be sure about that.
And he was a delinquent. Everyone knew he was a part of the Black Dragon, their leader, so that should have been an immediate red flag that he wasn’t a good person, and everyone should stay away, but…
You found yourself chewing on your lips nervously while walking home, taking the extended tour to gather your thoughts a bit.
Remember how much it sucked when you were excluded from something?
You crossed your arms, hoping you wouldn’t start to cry about something that happened back in middle school now, and instead thought about what you could do, missing the increasing sound of an approaching motorcycle.
‘Hey, look out!’ someone called. Before you knew it, you were pulled toward something solid and warm simultaneously as something fast and loud speeded by your ear, causing you to cower even more into the warmth, fearing you would get hit.
‘Fucker!’ you heard a male curse close to your other ear. You blinked a couple of times before glancing up, only to find Sano Shinichiro frowning at something in front of him.
You were stunned and confused, wondering if you mentally somehow brought the boy to your path by thinking about him and what that girl was planning so hard, only to realize that you were extremely close to him. In fact, given the pressure you felt around your shoulders and the warmth against your chest, side, and belly that seemed to pay no attention to the fact that you still had your uniform on, you realized he was holding you. You were in his arms.
‘S-Sano-san, w-what-what-?’ you stuttered, feeling your face grow red at the realization that Sano Shinichiro, a boy, this boy, was holding you against his chest with his body pressed into yours and his face so close you could count his eyelashes if you wanted to.
His dark eyes blinked, and before you could finish your questions, they were on you, and well, they were dark.
Your own eyes blinked, and your words drifted into silence as you were met with his gaze for the first time, noticing that Sano Shinichiro’s eyes were really dark. It wasn’t uncommon to have dark eyes in this country, but for some reason, you couldn’t help but think you didn’t often see dark eyes that were so pretty.
Upon meeting yours, that frown that was causing his brows to furrow and wrinkles over his forehead smoothed out, and his dark eyes obtained a very soft look.
Handsome, your mind supplied. Sano Shinichiro was lovely when he had this soft look inside his pretty dark eyes.
‘Are you alright?’ he asked, and once again, you could only blink, feeling out of character with yourself over what was happening, ‘W-what?’
‘He was driving like a maniac. He almost caught you that close to the sidewalk,’ he said, and you blinked again, taking his words and their meaning in realizing he probably saved you from the potential harm of some reckless driver. You wouldn’t even see it coming.
‘Oh, thank you,’ you said and felt the shock sustaining only for embarrassment and self-awareness to catch on, ‘Uh,’ you swallowed, worried your face was as red as a tomato before you finally said, ‘You can let me go now.’
That soft look disappeared as his eyes widened twice their size, and Sano pushed you away from him so fast you felt a bit hurt, ‘S-sorry, I didn’t mean to… I swear I’m not…like that!’
You pushed your personal feelings aside, realizing he probably was worried you would think he was a pervert for holding you that long. Not to mention you took pity on him knowing how often you worried what people might think about you, ‘It’s alright. You still saved my life, I think. Thank you.’
He reached to the back of his head and scratched his neck, looking really shy and uncomfortable now, ‘It’s fine. I’m glad you’re alright, y/l/n.’
You raised your eyebrows, unable to hide your surprise, ‘You know my name?’
Sano dark eyes shifted to your face again, ‘Of course, we’ve been in the same school since kindergarten. Never in the same class, though. It’s a bit funny,’ he chuckled, and a relaxed smile took hold of his face.
It suits him.
‘Yes, strange,’ you said, momentarily hypnotized by him. It was the first time you spoke to one another, engaged in contact, and overall shared an experience which must have been why it felt so odd.
You straightened yourself and fixed your school uniform, trying to gain some composure, ‘Well, have a nice day. I need to go home.’
It wasn’t the whole truth, but you didn’t know how to end the moment like this.
Sano didn’t seem to mind offering you another smile and a lazy but calm goodbye wave. Despite his reputation, he had a relaxed and positive aura around him. One you couldn’t seem to escape either.
‘Hey, you did?’ asked Sano and snatched some bags out of the hands of someone who must have been in the same gang as him even if that person didn’t even ask him to, ‘I was thinking about your problem and maybe….’
He and his friend got too far for you to hear, but it all still left an impact, wondering if you shouldn’t have warned him.
Wouldn’t you be more prepared if someone warned you that you were about to be singled out on White Day? Wouldn’t you somehow manage to skip school just to avoid the humiliation and spare some of your feelings? Wouldn’t you be grateful that you still had at least one ally despite everything?
You were too much of a coward to come up to Sano and tell him what that girl was planning to do. You couldn’t leave a note because there might be a chance that he would show it to someone and recognize your handwriting. He might have been a delinquent, but you knew about his failed attempts at confessing and how heavily he was ridiculed about it behind his back. You doubted even someone like him would manage to survive a mocking from that girl. In your mind, you couldn’t imagine anyone would.
You didn’t realize you stayed in the same spot looking at him until he turned around and looked back right at you.
Shocked, you realized it would seem like you were watching him leave, which you were, but not because you were just caught up in your thoughts.
About him… but not like THAT!
You turned around and ran, hoping you could save your face at least a little bit.
It really isn’t your problem. You barely know him, and he’s a delinquent. The Leader of Black Dragons.
You stopped yourself since you felt you were being unfair and lying to yourself a bit.
It was hard to explain because his gang friends did partake in the usual activities of minor vandalism, petty crimes, and other delinquent activities; you couldn’t help but think Sano was a decent enough guy. You did see him around the neighborhood. A delinquent or not, you did notice he was friendly to locals, caring, always asking them about their day and sparing precious time humoring them with a chat.
You knew he had three younger siblings he often dealt with and took care of and a grandfather who ran a dojo and was well respected and liked around.
You just couldn’t really label him a just delinquent, not when you could recall so many instances when he was more than that. And this was without you two being friends or talking. Something told you he might be a really good person.
Besides…he just saved your life, knew your name, and he was-
-your mind supplied the image of his relaxed smile and the soft look in his dark eyes-
Nice.
Like so nice!
Talking to him gave you a comfortable warmth even if you were struggling with your dilemma.
I didn’t deserve to be excluded like that, and neither does Sano, you decided.
Seeing no other option, you came to your kitchen and pulled out some recipe book making Sano Shinichiro homemade chocolate.
Ridiculous, you kept on telling yourself.
It was ridiculous that because of the whole mess in middle school, you were never brave enough to actually make chocolate for your crush. Even an obligatory one that couldn’t be used against you, but here you were working on Sano’s. It must have been the near-death experience and him being your hero with dark eyes-
Don’t think about it! You warned yourself. You were crushing on your classmate, a goodhearted and sweet boy who had lived two houses from your own since middle school, and one of these years, you would have the courage to confess to him or move on. Just because Sano wasn’t so bad didn’t mean he was as good as your crush, and crushing on more than one person seemed selfish, right?
But you finished, and based on some testing, the chocolate turned out pretty good. Definitely even better than when you were in middle school.
You saved my life, Sano-san. Now we’re even.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You planned to come to school early and drop the chocolate into Sano’s shoe locker, hoping even delinquents checked those before rushing away. No one would see you. No one would know. Sano would have chocolate just like everyone else. That girl’s malice plan would fail, and you would perhaps gain some good karma for your troubles, maybe in the form of your crush speaking with you on his own for once.
You were pretty sure about your plan, thinking it was more or less bulletproof, making sure not to look too interested in the news that those lovely girls from 3-B gave everyone chocolate up until your lunch break. Mentally, you praised yourself for executing such a rescue mission.
You knew something was up when you heard some of the boys who were eating by their desks whispering about something.
‘You know, y/n-chan,’ started that girl later that day, suddenly appearing by your desk without her usual flock of girls as her entourage.
By all those years you spent in her presence, you knew this meant she was about to do something she didn’t want anyone to witness, and even if you tried to be brave, it made the hair on the back of your neck stand up.
You offered her your most disinterested face as you turned toward her smiling one you once thought was so pretty but now knew for a fact was just her being malice, ‘You should only give chocolate to people you like or everyone. It’s rather cruel to bring Sano-san’s hopes up like that.’
Your façade cracked as you frowned at the girl gathering some courage, even if not nearly as much as you would have liked, ‘Crueler than excluding him simply because you think you have some imaginary power?’
‘Well, it’s not my fault Sano-san is involved with gangs and such. Actions have consequences, and acting in such a way can really cause a person to be excluded, you know?’ she asked, looking as sweet as honey. Still, you were pretty sure she wasn’t talking just about Sano.
You watched her for a while before she giggled, ‘But that’s not the point, you know? You shouldn’t give chocolate to people you don’t like, y/n-chan. If you were going to single someone out. Wouldn’t you have picked someone else?’
She watched you like she knew a secret, which you thought was impossible because you never spoke or hinted that you were crushing on your classmate, your crush, even when you were friends.
She doesn’t know. She’s just being her usual self, trying to get under my skin.
But then she giggled and looked ahead, and as much as you hated it, your eyes followed as well. There were three boys standing in front of another of your classmate’s desks, so you could have been looking at anyone, but when your eyes moved back, she was already looking at you like a canary who caught the mice, ‘It’s not very nice to get someone’s hopes up.’
You thought that was rather ominous and feared retaliation. Still, when she didn’t say anything else and gave you a friendly wave, you could only watch her leave with a sinking heart before your gazes returned to your crush.
Your nerves were getting the best of you, and your imagination created all sorts of scenarios about what she could have planned for you. When you received a note in your shoe locker at the end of the day, you didn’t even bother reading it and immediately tossed it into the trash.
Come and meet me behind the east wall after class.
As if!
Like hell, you were stupid enough to be left anywhere without witnesses now.
You instead rushed home, watching your back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day, you ensured you never had to use the bathroom by sipping as little water as possible. And made sure you were always supervised during class during breaks. It worked since you sprinted down to your shoe lock after class only to find another note.
Come and meet me behind the east wall after class.
Was she seriously trying to do the same thing twice? Well, she did use the same thing she tried in middle school on Valentine’s Day, so it was possible she wasn’t above repeating some things. But it did leave you puzzled.
It’s a trick…right?
Surely, her plan was to get you alone, and you were too cautious to fall for that. You tossed the message away and rushed home repeating everything you did yesterday, except this time, just as you were discussing if you could take a sip of some water, Sano Shinichiro appeared in your classroom, causing some of the boys to bow to him before he stopped by your desk with that relaxed smile on his face, ‘What will it take for you to come to meet me behind the east wall after the damn class?’
Your eyes widened, and your mouth parted, ‘T-that was you?’
Sano blinked, and a slight wrinkle appeared across his face as he frowned, unclear if he was confused or upset, ‘Who else did you think it was?’
Your eyes betrayed you once again, only this time your gaze followed to the door to your classroom, where one of the followers always waited to see if you would leave the room’s safety.
When you saw out of the corner of your eyes that Sano did the same, the girl quickly cowered away. She might have been brave enough to laugh behind his back. Still, just like many other people, she took the fact that Sano was a gang leader seriously enough not to get at odds with him.
It wasn’t the first time you noticed one of the girls from 3-B came to your classroom in the last two days, and you were still unsure what she planned to do if you decided to leave the room, but you didn’t like that she would now go report back to her leader and the other girls.
‘Hey,’ a warm palm suddenly appeared on your shoulder, bringing you back to the moment, ‘Are you alright?’
His frown was smoothed out, but it appeared there was something close to concern in his dark eyes as they traveled through your face trying to read you.
‘Yes,’ you lied, unsure how to explain to someone like Sano what was happening.
He watched you for a second longer as if giving you time to come clean which you couldn’t before he took a deep breath and nodded, taking his hand off you, ‘Behind the east wall after class. Be there, or I’ll come to your house.’
You blinked and leaned away, startled by that idea, ‘Don’t say stuff like that. It’s creepy.’
He blinked before he brushed the back of his head, looking sheepish, ‘I just meant... Just be there, alright?’
You decided to give him a break and nodded, ‘I will,’ your gaze shifted toward the door again, but the girl didn’t return, ‘Be there on time, please.’
‘I will. No worries,’ he assured you with ease, but you genuinely believed him for some reason. You didn’t know much about delinquents besides the rumors and bad reputation, but you assumed that for someone to become a gang leader, they had to be strong and responsible on some level.
You watched Sano leave, wondering what he could want to talk about. Did the girls tell him he wasn’t supposed to get chocolate, and he wanted to thank you? Did they steal it, and he never got it? But you were sure you heard all the boys got it this year from 3-B…, so what gives?
You changed your shoes and met Sano behind the east wall, where he greeted you with that relaxed smile and sincere look behind his eyes. Oddly, whatever worries you had about what he could possibly want, melted away, at least until he opened his mouth.
‘I brought you this,’ he said. Suddenly, he pushed a white desert box and a plushie of your favorite animal into your arms, ‘I should have waited for March, I know, but I really couldn’t.’
Your eyes blinked as he carried on looking like a nervous wreck with the trembling, rambling, and rubbing of the back of his head messing his styled hair, ‘You were truly thoughtful, and I felt…I still feel really shitty that I didn’t ask you out myself first.’
Strange. He looks nothing like a gang leader now, you thought to yourself, realizing that the corners of your mouth lifted.
You opened your mouth and tried to speak as his words started to make sense, ‘My captains would riot if they knew their leader didn’t make the first move. Damn, it’s so uncool. I asked like twenty girls, and I should have…I should have asked you instead. Pathetic,’ he cursed at himself before his dark eyes widened, and he quickly clarified, ‘I’m pathetic, not you. You… you’re sweet and great.’
You raised your brows, finally managing a ‘You don’t really know me-’ in between his speech, but Sano didn’t waste time and quickly said, ‘I asked around about you.’
Somehow that was like a punch into the stomach that knocked all the air out of you as you suddenly realized what was happening and who was behind this.
You dropped the items in a moment of recklessness and covered Sano’s mouth with your palm, dread creeping into your heart and goosebumps covering your skin, ‘Did the girls in your class tell you about me? You can’t trust them… they’re…they….they play games, and don’t like me.’
Sano’s dark eyes widened a fraction before they dropped, seemingly looking at your palm on his mouth.
Startled, you pulled it away and stepped back, ‘They just… don’t like me.’
Sano frowned a bit, seemingly confused, ‘They said nice things about you.’
You looked away and sighed, wondering why did you bother in the first place. No guy would understand, ‘Trust me,’ you said and crossed your arms over your chest, thinking about their fake smiles and acts of kindness that they were lacking, not to mention their attempts at humiliating you or others, ‘girls aren’t as simple as you guys.’
‘Hey!’ he started, but when your eyes lifted toward him, there was no fight in his posture or expression. He merely rubbed the back of his head, ‘Well, I don’t know much about girls, so I can’t really say much about it.’
You nodded, glad he at least admitted such a thing.
He looked so uncertain now; before, he was nervous but giddy now; he seemed almost lost, ‘Are they like bullying you?’
‘No,’ you said all too quickly. You were unsure. Before, in middle school, you experienced some really shitty things from them. You were sure they bullied you back then, but now it just seemed like they were ignoring you or whispering their bullshit behind your back.
‘Okay. Is it…did I offend you because I didn’t ask you out before?’
You bit the inside of your mouth. You weren’t offended. You honestly didn’t really think about Sano asking girls around. Still, even if he was a delinquent, it was nice to have his attention for a moment right now. It was nice to have any attention, to be completely honest. You would graduate in a few months, and it felt like you were behind on the many things your classmates seemed to achieve. Logically, you knew it wasn’t a big deal and that many people were just late bloomers, but it sucked so damn much to be left out of things all the time.
You didn’t even kiss anyone or go on a single date. You had some friends but knew you weren’t overly liked or missed if you didn’t come to school. You were really lonely if you allowed yourself to think about it too much.
Your eyes fell on your gifts; at least someone thought they wouldn’t mind dating me.
You kneeled down and picked up the items before you returned them to him, ‘I don’t need you to give me anything. To be honest, I just gave you the chocolate because you saved my life the other day.’
And I didn’t want you to feel left out like I do, you thought but refused to say. He would feel bad, and he was lovely in this weird boyish way that seemed to be getting under your skin.
Sano’s face became unreadable, and you genuinely felt terrible, so you tried to explain, ‘I like someone else. Sort of.’
‘Like a boyfriend?’ he Sano, his face still not back to his previous relaxed self, but he sounded more or less like himself. It still made you feel shitty and wonder if you had made a mistake by telling him.
‘Like an unrequired crush,’ you clarified, ‘So don’t feel bad about not asking me out sooner.’
The dark-haired boy still didn’t seem too convinced, but he nodded, ‘I see,’ then, to your delight, he startled to laugh a bit and grinned at you, ‘You know I must have thought up about fifty outcomes for how this would go. This was not it.’
You shrugged your shoulders, ‘I’m just glad I didn’t get jumped or something.’
‘Come on, a bunch of high school girls can’t be that bad,’ he said and waved his hand while you rolled your eyes, ‘Clearly, you never became any girl’s target for bullying.’
He snatched the chocolate from you but nodded at the plushie, ‘Keep it. I still owe you something for the chocolate. It was delicious. Where did you buy it?’
You smiled, feeling your heart swell with pride, ‘I made it. If I was about to give anyone a chocolate, I would do it right.’
Sano opened the desert box and shoved some content into his mouth before offering you some as well.
You supposed there was no harm in that.
‘It was terrific. Your crush must be lucky.’
‘I never gave him any,’ you said and tasted some of the store-bought chocolate. It was good, but homemade was better, ‘It’s too-’
‘Sweet,’ finished Sano with a nod but took another one, ‘How come you never gave your crush any? Isn’t Valentine’s Day a perfect opportunity for that?’
You looked away, ‘It’s…just a crush.’
‘Well,’ Sano watched you for a while, and even if you couldn’t see his face, his voice was very upbeat and supportive, ‘if it’s half as good as the one you gave me, he would have to have dead taste buds not to love it.’
You crushed the plushie of your favorite animal closer to your chest as you felt heat enter your cheeks. It felt good to be praised like that, ‘Thank you, Sano-kun.’
‘Call me Shinichiro,’ he said and put his hand on your shoulder, startling you into looking at him, ‘And he’ll especially love it if it’s coming from such a sweet and nice girl like you, y/n-chan.’
Your eyes blinked several times really fast as a strange warmth spread across your chest. You couldn’t recall the last time some boy used your first name like that or said such a nice thing about you.
Your face burned, and you would much rather Sano wouldn’t notice, so you quickly tried to argue, ‘Don’t say that. You don’t really know me. We talked like three times-’
‘I told you, I asked around-’
‘Ah, no, those girls-’
‘It wasn’t just the girls; even so, they didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. You’re nice,’ he smiled, and you had to admit, it was a charming smile, ‘You could have left it with a thank you for helping you out the other day. Still, you invested your time to give me chocolate and…,’ he tilted his head. His dark eyes softened like they did last time, causing your insides to twist a bit, ‘Did you know if it wasn’t for your chocolate, I wouldn’t get any?’
You swallowed, going for a lie, but before you could, he chuckled and grinned, ‘Your face is all red, y/n-chan. If you’re like this with me, I wonder if your crush doesn’t know all about your feelings.’
You pouted and waved his hand finally away from your shoulder since it obviously did something to your circulation and caused you to heat up, ‘Can’t get all red if I don’t talk to him.’
Sano blinked, surprised, ‘Really? That’s sort of stupid.’
‘No one asked you,’ you said and started to walk Sano easily, catching up, ‘I just mean, if you really care for someone, you should tell them before it’s too late.’
‘I don’t plan to ever-’
You barely got behind the corner and froze, forgetting what you were trying to say in the first place.
There clearly, only because you would have to see them when you would be leaving, was your crush hugging that girl in a way that left no doubts about their relationship.
You were left speechless, trying to understand what you saw, even if it couldn’t be more precise.
It felt like a bad dream. You knew realistically, if you never confessed, you didn’t really have any right to feel like someone stole anyone from you, but at that moment, you couldn’t reason with yourself.
Especially not when that girl leaned away and almost immediately looked at you as if she knew you were coming, ‘Ah, what a coincidence, y/n-chan.’
What was worse was that your crush wasn’t even looking at you; he was only looking down at the girl with a dopey smile on his face, clearly like someone who cared a lot about her.
‘Ara, ara,’ said that girl in that sweet voice you long since learned was fake, ‘what’s with those teary eyes?’
Your eyes widened as you realized she wasn’t lying.
You felt your eyes hurt the way they usually did right before you were about to cry. You could even feel the lump inside your throat, which meant if you were to open your mouth and make a single sound, you would start crying like a baby right there in front of your crush, that girl, and Sano.
No! NO! NO! NO!
You must have flinched or moved, ready to bolt it, regardless of how bad it would look, knowing nothing would be more humiliating that crying right now since your crush would find out why.
Suddenly, you felt a firm and grounding touch on your right shoulder, offering comfort even before he spoke confidently and authoritatively, ‘Don’t make fun of her.’
Your heart, which was already speeding from the adrenaline, started to beat even faster, ‘She’s crying because of me.’
Your eyes looked over at Sano and blinked some of the tears, jumping away, but most of them retreated back as you were shocked by his words.
He looked so different now, just as he had when he saved you on the street.
Intense, you thought to yourself. He looked strong enough to make people follow and believe in him. Surprisingly, you included.
‘Huh?’ spoke your crush, but your eyes remained on Sano partly because it relieved you from your heartache to look at him and have him touch your shoulder like that and partly because you feared if you looked back at your crush, you would start to wail.
Then came the chuckle, and your tears were forgotten in favor of shock and anger. It wasn’t a nice fun chuckle. You heard those enough in your lifetime to know that. It was mean, like a mockery.
‘So what? Not only you can’t get a girl, but you also make them cry now?’ ‘joked’ your crush, but you hardly found any humor in such a statement, mainly because being this close to Sano and having his hand on you, you could physically feel him flinch like the comment struck a nerve.
You watched the boy for a while and noticed how he seemed pleased with his joke, and for the first time in a very long time, he didn’t look as handsome or worthy of your admiration. Did he really think so highly and better of himself simply because Sano was involved with gangs? He wasn’t even fearful about the fact just thought it was beneath him.
He had a similar look to the girl who loved to hurt you so much, and at that moment, you couldn’t help but think they probably deserved each other.
‘Now, don’t be like that,’ said that girl in her overly sweet voice, ‘Besides, you shouldn’t make assumptions when you don’t know what really happened. Right y/n-chan?’
You watched the girl feeling your annoyance grow. Why did she always like to toy with you so much? She obviously planned for you to catch them. Did she expect you to confess you were upset because she stole your crush? Did she want you to humiliate Sano by confessing to you and you rejecting him?
You hated how much power she seemed to have.
You brushed your face, annoyed that some tears got away before you said, ‘You’re right,’ you said, and for a moment, you could see how pleased with herself she looked, ‘You shouldn’t make assumptions like that. You’re not very good at them,’ you said, looking at her before you looked at your crush again, ‘In fact, Shinichiro made me really happy with his confession,’ it wasn’t a lie, not really. Even if you were stressed about it, it did feel good that someone chose you like that, ‘He even brought me my favorite animal,’ you squeezed the plushie to your chest, soaking some comfort from it before you smiled and looked at the dark-haired boy by your side who was still holding onto your shoulder.
He could have ratted you out now or accidentally revealed you surprised him, but instead, he just looked at you. His gaze wasn’t soft or surprised, but curious and maybe a hint of playful now that sort of forced you to continue, ‘It’s a beautiful thing when someone offers you their heart. Especially if they’re as amazing as Shinichiro. I just got a bit emotional by it.’
You said and shrugged your shoulders, sparing a single glance at the two noticing how some of the previous smugness wasn’t on their faces anymore.
You turned back at Sano, who turned to look at you as well, now grinning, ‘I don’t mind. You’re pretty even when you cry,’ then while still keeping his hand on your shoulder, his other one reached over and brushed your cheek and some lost tears away, ‘But don’t do it too often. Happy tears or not, I prefer you more when you’re smiling.’
Your mouth shut closed, and you were sure you were red again from how hot your face felt.
The touch was too relaxed, gentle, and familiar for your liking, but you found it easy not to flinch and give up the ruse.
Sano then pulled you closer to his side and looked at the two before you, ‘Later.’
Just like that, he took you with him away without a second glance, wave, or polite wish for a nice day. You heard the girl call after you, but luckily it was after you were a bit away, and Sano’s shoulder blocked the words.
You were a bit out of it all, which was probably why you failed to notice when you appeared in front of Sano’s bike.
‘Here,’ he said and handed you a helmet.
‘What? No way, I can’t ride with you!’ you said, a bit too panicked.
His dark eyes danced across your face momentarily before he asked, ‘Why not?’
You were sure your face spoke loud and clear about your reservations regarding the bike.
‘It’ll be fine,’ he said with a certain ease that would cause you to be annoyed, except his dark eyes looked incredibly grounding with their strange confidence, ‘I took my little brother with me before, and it was fine. He’s eight,’ he grinned when he said that, and you bit your lip to stop it from smiling. You had no business doing that when you were lured into a death trap like this. Come on,’ he assured you and raised his hand with the helmet for you to take once more.
You eyed the thing reluctantly before you looked into his eyes again. There were traces of amusement like he could tell he would convince you. Still, they also had rock-solid confidence as if he knew he would keep you safe when you decided to accept, ‘You can trust me.’
You were still afraid, but it was true, he just supported your little lie back there, so it wasn’t too much of a hassle to have some faith in his riding skills. Not to mention he saved your life the other day.
Your teeth let go of your lip as you very hesitantly said, ‘Promise not to go too fast.’
The boyish grin he shot you was almost worthy of your fears and anxiety over the ride. Almost. It was a pretty grin, but you would like to think you were better than to let something like that get to you so quickly.
‘I promise.’
He tossed that word around so quickly, yet you couldn’t help yourself and believe him. It made you wonder if he didn’t become a gang leader just by smiling at people and promising them stuff. Even you could see the appeal, and you hardly knew the boy and had just had your heart sort of broken by a crush, who hopefully would never know you liked him.
You felt the pressure inside your throat and heaviness inside your eyes once again. Still, you refused to have Sano, a victim of another waterfall of tears for someone who was so rude to him.
You pushed away the warmth from your chest and took the helmet, switching it for your plushie.
Sano gave you a moment before he motioned for you to come closer and helped you secure the helmet responsibly and carefully.
You watched his face so close all the way he worked, wondering how he could look so relaxed, almost carefree yet caring, before you mumbled, ‘Thank you.’
He just grinned at you and knocked his knuckles against the helmet, ‘Don’t worry about it.’
You told him to drop you off at the end of your street to avoid meeting your family, that would surely freak out if they found you riding back with a known delinquent on top of it. You didn’t think it would matter how serious you would be about Sano being a good person.
Once you sat behind him, he glanced back at you, and you could see the slight frown on his face, ‘You need to come closer. I don’t want you to accidentally fall off.’
As if he wanted to demonstrate to you that it could have been an issue, the bike jolted, sending you stumbling against his back, pressing into his body for the third time since you spoke with him less than a week ago.
The experience made you both regret you ever agreed to the ride and throw your arms around his middle.
If anyone saw us now, they would surely think, I’m some desperate lovesick girlfriend, you thought to yourself, realizing you never properly discussed what happened with your crush and that girl. Oddly, you felt relieved as you didn’t wish to dive into all of that just yet.
You heard his easy-going laughter and then felt his hands on your wrist, pealing them a bit from him, ‘Careful, or instead of holding onto me, you’ll spoon me.’
Your face is hot as you let out a tight and embarrassed, ‘Shut up.’
He tried to look at you, but with your red cheeks and crippling fear, you were nowhere near a state you could look back at him.
Sano seemed to accept that, as in the next moment, he started the bike and finally took you guys away.
After a few minutes, the sensation of air against your body and movement got bearable, even enjoyable, if it wasn’t for the fact that your doubts and insecurities caught onto you, repeatedly replying to what happened back in the school. You felt like such an idiot. That girl knew you liked that boy, and she might even know you liked him for a while, and she thoroughly used it against you to make you suffer. You were beyond the point of believing she actually liked him and just so happened to be confessing to him in a place she would know you would see them. You knew her better than that, even if everyone assumed nothing but the best from her.
I wonder what did I ever do to her for her to hate me so much to do those things, you thought to yourself, and before you knew it, you realized you tightened your hold on Sano.
You expected him to loosen it once more, but instead, for a brief moment that he was waiting for a green light, his hand brushed your wrist, and you heard him say, ‘I got you, y/n-chan.’
Having his back to him and knowing he couldn’t see you, it felt all too easy and right to lean forward and press the top of your helmet against his back below his neck. It felt comforting. Something you would never have guessed the leader of the Black Dragon could make you feel, but he did.
You snuggled closer to him with the excuse that you didn’t want to fall down from the bike at that speed. Still, you would be lying if you didn’t admit that when Sano stopped at the corner you instructed him to, you felt slightly disappointed that it was all over.
‘Thanks for the ride,’ you said and returned his spare helmet to him.
When Sano reached for it, his palms pressed against yours, and you noticed his relaxed expression was gone. Instead, he looked rather grave, saying, ‘You shouldn’t cry for those people. They don’t deserve a single one of your tears, and you already gave them plenty.’
You wanted to check if you didn’t start to cry again, feeling a bit like an idiot, but Sano’s hands kept on holding onto yours on his helmet, ‘Yeah?’
Your eyes blinked, hypnotized a bit by his pretty dark ones that looked so convincing it did something to your insides, making it hard to focus on anything else.
Weird, you thought to yourself trying to brush it all as you were emotional about everything that happened today.
You cleared your throat, trying to appear normal and not like a lunatic, ‘O-okay.’
He finally took the helmet just as right about the last person you wished to see you called out your name. Your family was alright in general. Much better than when you were a kid, but you still couldn’t help but often feel like an outsider who kept most of her struggles to herself. You just couldn’t bring yourself confine in them as quickly as you knew other people could.
When you heard your name being called by one of your family members, you knew it would be troublesome if they saw you with someone like Sano.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You knew your worst fears came to life when you found yourself sitting beside Sano at your kitchen table. At the same time, your family questioned the two of you about everything and anything.
What a nosy bunch, you thought to yourself, irritated over how rude some of the questions were.
You weren’t even sure how it happened. One moment you and Sano were about to part ways, and the next, your relative dragged the boy into your home, yelling, ‘Y/n brought home her boyfriend!’ They made it sound as if you brought home a winning lottery ticket for some reason.
Luckily, Sano didn’t seem to take any offense either at being forced to dinner or the rude question. He quickly joked and even made fun of himself, keeping the mood somewhat positive and pleasant for everyone.
‘Ah, well, that’s nice. This one sure worked hard on making that chocolate for you.’
It got on your nerve relatively fast how lovesick they made it out to appear when the reality was somewhere entirely else about the whole Valentin’s chocolate. But you held it back, quietly playing with your food instead. Your family meant well, but it often felt you were the odd one to their loud and cheerful personas. You were simply different.
‘I’m glad. It was delicious,’ said Sano, ‘I got her a plushie, but it almost doesn’t feel like it’s enough.’
‘Oh, that cute thing. It’s so nice you knew her favorite animal.’
‘I still can’t believe those girls remember that,’ you mumbled mostly to yourself since it seemed no one at the table was really paying attention to you.
True, once upon a time, you were friends with the girls, who were now soulless followers, but even back then, it felt like they ignored what you had to say.
‘No,’ blurted Sano, and you looked at him for the first time since this annoying dinner started, ‘I saw the keychain on your school bag the other day and figured you had to like it enough to carry it around.’
He offered you a boyish grin, and you couldn’t help but stare at him before you returned to your food, puzzled. It shocked you that when he was saving you on the street, he had time to notice that keychain you bought your first year in high school. He wanted to give you something special you would like instead of just some sweets. It seemed like a lot an effort to put in for someone you didn’t even consider girlfriend material before. You doubted Sano thought about you all that much until the day he saved you, and he confessed you weren’t on his radar when he was asking his classmates and some girls in his school out, so the plushie meant a lot.
Then again, it also seemed like a lot an effort to make chocolate for some delinquent who helped you out once.
You glanced at him again when he fell into another series of twenty questions with your family, and you couldn’t help but feel happy about his presence this close to you.
Weird, you told yourself not for the first time that day and finished your food.
Your good mood didn’t last, as someone pointed out that Sano would have a lot of work to try to figure out what you were thinking because of how quiet you were.
‘I’m not quiet, just selective about people I talk with,’ you clarified, helping pick up the dishes. Still, for the first time, you were excused and told to show Sano your room and toy collection, which spiked your blood pressure because they were not toys, even if they were stuffed animals. It showed just how worried your family must have been about you staying forever alone if they were this desperate to get you a boyfriend. They didn’t mind a boy coming into your room one bit.
‘I’m glad you thought I was worthy,’ said Sano, and you rolled your eyes before he continued with a smirk, ‘It makes me feel even more special when you talk to me.’
You paused on your way to your room, realizing what he was talking about, and shrugged your shoulders, ‘You’re alright.’
He continued grinning as if you told him the highest praise before you finally showed him your room. It perfectly represented you and your interests down to your favorite animal collection.
You settled your new addition between the old ones and spoke, ‘I’m still surprised you noticed that keychain the other day on the street. Everything happened so fast.’
Sano, who was busy analyzing the items on your desk, hardly looked at you, ‘Nah, I saw it on your bag all the time in school.’
It was strange to think he noticed you before he helped you.
Before everything that happened.
You noticed him too, but he was a gang leader member, so that was a given.
He didn’t stay long, for which you were eternally grateful as you weren’t sure how much weirdness you could handle for one day, and you didn’t even start on your homework.
As you wished him goodbye by his bike, he tossed you another one of his boyish grins that made his face very handsome, ‘I’ll come to pick you up tomorrow morning too, alright? I already promised,’ he nodded at your house, where your family sort of bullied him into picking you up for school, so you wouldn’t have to wake up as early as you did.
‘You don’t have to do that. They were just being obnoxious,’ you assured him, but he shook his head, ‘It’s fine. I don’t mind.’
Your eyes moved away because it felt a tiny bit uncomfortable to see him look at you so calmly before you noticed he didn’t put on his helmet, ‘Aren’t you going to put it on?’
‘No, it’ll ruin my hair,’ he said, putting his hands up as if showing his hair to some imaginary audience. His hairstyle was a bit funny, but it suited him. Still, you couldn’t help yourself but comment, ‘A helmet is a part of your bike for a reason. Are you going home or to meet someone?’
‘Why?’
‘Well, if you don’t have any gang duties or are going to meet friends, then it doesn’t really matter if you mess up your hair,’ you said before you shrugged your shoulders and sighed in defeat, ‘Wear your helmet, Sano-san. Please,’ you said and looked away, feeling the heat rising into your cheeks over your request. He could do whatever he wanted. You just wished he would do it safely.
‘How about we make a deal?’ he asked, and you forced your eyes back to his face.
He was grinning, and his dark eyes shone with amusement, ‘You’ll call me Shinichiro again, and I’ll wear my helmet when I’m on my way home.’
You opened your mouth, recalling how you used his first name so carelessly when lying to those two at school.
The fact that his face looked so happy now did something to you, but you didn’t allow the warm sensation to make you weak, ‘How about I call you Shin-kun, and you wear your helmet all the time?’
‘You drive a hard bargain, y/n-chan,’ he said, but he looked nothing but satisfied, ‘Fine, I’ll bite.’
He put the helmet over his pompadour, obviously ruining it, ‘Let’s give it a try.’
You nodded and stepped closer, knocking your knuckles against the helmet on top of his head before you offered him a small smile, ‘Thank you, Shin-kun.’
You hoped he could tell you meant more than just the helmet, and based on the softness that entered his dark eyes, you knew he did.
You stepped away and waved at him before he disappeared from your side, realizing it was the third time you watched him leave you, but for the first time, you weren’t annoyed.
You returned to your home and dodged the family’s attempts to tease you about saying goodbye to your boyfriend until you got to the security of your room, where you realized something.
We didn’t really talk about the whole pretend boyfriend/girlfriend thing.
Everything happened so fast, and you could tell Sano-Shin didn’t want to cause you more anguish by talking about what happened in school. Your family just assumed he had to be a boyfriend since you made him chocolate, and he brought you home with a plushie. You attempted to say it wasn’t like that. Still, they just thought you were being secretive and shy as usual, so after the first failed try, you let them believe whatever they wanted.
It’s unreal, so I’m sure it won’t be a big deal, right?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You couldn’t have been more wrong if you wanted to.
Shin followed his promise and came to pick you up, much to your family’s delight.
Oddly, you were glad to see him. You wouldn’t say you were a total loner, but you knew you lacked severely in the friends’ department. You used to think you had a lot of friends, but with time you realized it didn’t make you friends just because someone was polite or even friendly with someone.
You figured that the fact that you felt cozy inside when you saw the boy waiting for you by his bike was probably because it was a while since someone wanted your company for more than a moment.
The ride was less scary for you than the first one, and you even found yourself smiling a lot at the fact that Shin brought a spare helmet for you.
When he got you to school, you patiently waited for him to style his hair, giving him occasional pointers. You had the time since the boy showed up with some time to spare, ‘Here, let me.’
You did your best not to touch him anywhere but his hair. You combed and styled it as best as possible before stepping away from him, noticing how red his cheeks and face looked.
You bit the inside of your mouth to hide your own smile and embarrassment while Shin stated it was good and you could go.
When you entered the school with Shin by your side, you immediately felt everyone’s eyes on you. It was more than a bit unnerving, and when their looks got replaced with whispers, your heart sank at some of the rude things the students said like I bet he’s paying her, or I didn’t think she was so easy.
That last one earned the boy a sucker punch so fast, you didn’t even catch it until he was on the ground with Shin standing above him, ‘Don’t ever say that again.’
His voice was surreally icy, unlike anything he had used around you until now. Even when he was pissed at the driver who almost hit you or your ex-crush, he still remained human. This made him sound appropriately dangerous.
You didn’t bother sparing the boy on the ground another look, and instead, you found yourself taking hold of Shin’s arm, trying not to blush too hard about it all, ‘Let’s go. He’s not worth it.’
‘You’re right,’ he said, and only when he looked at you did you see his tense and dangerous vibe fade a bit.
However, he didn’t leave and instead called out, ‘Listen up! If I ever hear anyone of you say stuff like that again, you’re going to regret it.’
You felt a shiver rush through your body, and you tried to distract yourself by pulling Shin with you further into the building, ‘Let’s just go, please.’
You didn’t say it out loud, but it meant a lot to you that Shin stood up for you like that. You realized yesterday he was much better than people thought about him. You included. Initially, at least.
Before you split up, he patted your shoulder with a grin as his previous dangerous vibe was utterly gone, ‘Wait for me after school, yeah?’
You couldn’t hardly keep the smile on your face when you nodded.
It felt good to have someone in your corner again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Since then, it seemed whoever was talking about you did so in secret because you could still feel gazes on you at times, but no one dared to be loud and rude to you anymore.
Well, at least I don’t have to hear what they think of me; you told yourself. You were used to being ignored or shit-talked like this by the followers and that mean girl, so it wasn’t all that different. Plus, you would be lying if you didn’t find some amusement in the fact that whenever you lifted your eyes to glance at someone who mentioned your name, their face went pale. Their eyes widened in fear that you would rat them out to Shin.
Shin and his gang could make some money by protecting bullied middle and high schoolers. It couldn’t be the worst gig.
You felt good about things for several days until you went to the restroom. As it seemed you and Shin stumbled upon a specific routine with him giving you rides, there wasn’t anything different about that day. You spoke with some friendly classmates. You could feel just how eager they were to ask you about everything that happened with Shin, but they didn’t, so you didn’t bother bringing it up. It didn’t seem like their business anyway.
So far, neither of you mentioned you weren’t an actual couple. Simply letting people talk whatever they wanted, given how much praise you noticed Shin got from some of his male classmates and friends the first day, you wondered if it maybe improved his status or something if people thought he finally landed a girlfriend.
It felt strangely rude to say you weren’t together for some reason, and since no one asked you directly, you figured you would just let them think whatever they wanted to.
The moment you heard the door to the restroom open while you were still in the stall, you knew you would be in trouble.
Afterward, as you sat on the closed toilet long after the last class was over, you debated how long it would take for someone to find you. You figured that girl and her followers must have told every other girl not to use this restroom, and it seemed no matter how loudly you called for help, no one could hear you.
As mean as it was, it was primarily annoying to be left stranded in a locked stall. You were just grateful those girls weren’t childish enough to try and get you wet like they once did in middle school. It could have been a lot worse, but you doubted it would do you any good to be left inside the restroom all night. Indeed, if you didn’t come home, your family would notice, but who was to say they would realize something must have happened in school and not on your way home?
Hopefully, they won’t think Shin did anything to you, you wondered to yourself.
When the door opened, you were conflicted if you should scream or not since it could have been one of those girls returning to do something worse to you.
‘Y/N-chan?’ called out Shin’s distinguished voice, and you breathed a sigh of absolute relief, feeling your eyes tear up for the first time since you realized those girls locked you inside the stall, ‘I’m here.’
You immediately heard a loud hit that shook the stall a bit and then found the door could finally be opened to reveal the dark-haired boy, ‘Are you alright? One of my captain’s girls came to say-Hey, hey, are you hurt?’
You shook your head and covered your face, unable to stop yourself from crying. You were surprised that when you saw him, you felt so pathetic and grateful all at once, and given that you were really stressed out and scared about what would happen to you, it just all came crashing down.
‘I-I…shit,’ suddenly you felt Shin take hold of your arm, and in the next moment, you were pressed against his solid and warm body while his hand kept a grip on the back of your head, ‘I’m here. I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, but I’m here now, and you’re alright, okay?’
You couldn’t speak as all that came out were sobs and hiccups revealing your anguish, so for now, you simply nodded against him, hoping your tears weren’t soaking his clothes too much. A part of you felt awful letting out all those thoughts and feelings you spend the last hour or so trying to contain. Still, a more significant portion of you felt nothing but relief and gratitude for the dark-haired boy.
Shin kept you in his arms for a really long time, and you would happily remain there even longer. Still, you felt it was time to let go as the embarrassment from what you were doing caught onto your weak heart, ‘Thank you.’
You stepped back, and he let you, but his hand merely moved from your back to your arm, ‘Are you alright?’
You nodded without meeting his eyes.
He kept on looking at you while you refused to look back at him until he sighed and spoke, ‘So girls, huh? Who would have thought?’
You finally look at his face only to shoot him a look, ‘Only a boy wouldn’t know what they could do. Besides, this was nothing.’
His face was grave; you could tell by how he narrowed his eyebrows. He didn’t like your words, ‘So this happened before?’
You shrugged your shoulders, ‘This and other things. I shouldn’t have gone to the restroom alone. It’s my fault.’
He squeezed your shoulder, ‘Be honest. Is it because everyone thinks…well…,’ he didn’t finish, but the slight flush of his cheeks and his voice crack was enough for you to guess what he meant.
We’re together.
You shook your head. Even if that was the case, you wouldn’t want to hurt Shin like that. Not when he was the only one who helped you so much and did so many little and small things for you. And it was barely days when you started talking to him, ‘No, they didn’t like me since middle school. I don’t know why.’
He was silent for a moment before he surprised you with the confident look that took over his face. One that spoke of authority and seriousness.
‘This won’t happen again. I’ll make sure of it.’
You didn’t have any heat inside you to argue or tell him he couldn’t really help you. He might have been a gang leader, but you doubted he had the guts or ruthlessness to threaten or hurt a girl. Even if a small sinister and exhausted from all of these mind games, part of you wished he would.
He took you home and told you he would also pick you up the next day. You barely acknowledged that and simply wished him a safe trip before you went home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day, Shin could tell you were over what happened and didn’t wish to bring it up, so he dropped it and instead talked to you about some unknown facts he learned about the animals in your collections.
You figured he was trying to cheer you up, so you let him reward him by asking him a few things about bikes that you quickly found was his endless pit of knowledge. You would be lying if you said you were all that interested in the subject, but something about the way Shin’s eyes seemed to shine with life and passion when he spoke got under your skin and made it impossible not to crave to see it more.
That girl and her followers must have found another victim because they largely ignored you for a while.
However, little by little, you notice some odd occurrences happening around you.
It started when one day after Shin dropped you off but decided to skip, you found two of your classmates furiously cleaning your desk.
When they saw they were caught, they bowed to you and quickly explained, ‘Someone spilled something, y/l/n-san.’
‘But we managed to clean it almost all up.’
You gratefully thanked them, confused by their generosity since, apart from school stuff, they never bothered to speak with you.
A little after that, you found your shoe locker opened, but apart from your shoes, there was nothing there, and even if that seemed silly, you thought one of the 2nd year boys was standing guard over it.
A week later, you watched as your classmates pushed one of those girls that was a follower out of your classroom. She shot you a nasty look as she was passing you by, but she didn’t say anything, and when you came into the room, you found two other classmates, all boys picking up your things off the floor.
They didn’t tell you anything, and you were too confused to say anything either, so you just helped them with the rest of your stuff onto your desk and allowed them to return to their seats.
Then came the day you felt brave enough to go to the restroom again. It was empty, so you tried to be as quick as possible, and just as you were about to leave, you heard someone yell outside.
Reluctantly, you exited, hoping you weren’t about to get jumped or something, only to find five boys, only one from your class, with their backs toward the restroom, keeping any of the girls outside from entering by the looks of it.
‘What’s going on?’ you finally found the guts to ask while the girls were allowed to enter, only for one of the boys to hesitantly admit, ‘The Black Dragon issued a warning that if anything happened to you around the school, they would come after every guy who didn’t protect you.’
You were left speechless.
That’s a joke, right?
With the bit of spare time you had left, you went to seek out Shin. Until now, you only ever saw him on your way to and from school. He was surprisingly punctual, only sometimes coming late in the morning, but with the excuse that he couldn’t get his younger brother, Mikey, out of bed fast enough.
‘Did you…,’ you started unsure how to form your question feeling strangely tender inside over what that student revealed to you.
Shin was looking at you; all the while, his other classmates silently kept their distance as if they knew better than to try and eavesdrop, ‘Did you tell your gang to threaten guys into protecting me?’
He raised his hand, touching the top of the doorway, looking as relaxed as he always had with his dark eyes softening at your sight, ‘I gave you my word I wouldn’t let anything like that happen to you ever again. I would be a shitty leader if I didn’t stick to it,’ he grinned.
You watched him feeling your face warming up. Everything from his words to his leisure posture to what he did to ensure you didn’t have to fear your bullies caused you to feel beyond happy to have him in your life and like you didn’t deserve him at all.
Your heart speeded up, and the unfamiliar urge to reach out and touch him, somehow, anywhere, just so that you would be connected arose, confusing you. You never had a need like this before.
‘You’re too kind,’ you found yourself saying, knowing your cheeks must have been flushed, ‘Are you sure you’re a delinquent?’ you asked instead of any soft and cheesy words that came into your mind.
He hummed, his dark eyes never leaving yours, ‘Well, hopefully, none of those guys will slip up, so I won’t have to show you just how much of a delinquent I can be.’
You had to cover the side of your face and look away because you felt far too warm and fluffy inside over his words for some reason.
It’s that stupid voice, for sure.
‘What do you like to eat?’ you asked him, and he blinked at you, puzzled by the question, ‘What?’
You shrugged your shoulders, ‘I’ll make you something. You…you really did a lot for me.’
When he grinned at you, you felt your heart speed up even more and wondered how long an appropriate time was to forget about one crush and gain another.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You didn’t really plan to discuss what happened to you in middle school or how being on your own in high school affected you. But with Shin and the hours you spent in one another’s company when you learned more and more about his life, they just sort of came out.
‘You must really hate her that she even took your crush from you,’ he said as he stopped eating the food you got him. You didn’t always make him something, but whenever you agreed upon it up front, you did, and occasionally, you even tossed some sweets for him and his siblings or captains.
You thought about it, ‘I hated that she made me cry and got under my skin, but…I sometimes see them in class, and I don’t really care,’ you admitted, ‘It was just a crush anyway, and I’m kind of grateful I never confessed.’
‘Yeah?’ he asked and had a strange look behind his dark eyes, ‘What if he would accept?’
‘I wouldn’t get to know you,’ you said before you could stop yourself and quickly turned away, ‘You know, since what boyfriend would like his girlfriend to hang with a gang leader and all and – and I would never have gotten those girls off my back so-’
Shin tossed his head back and laughed.
You would have given him a piece of your mind, but you were too hypnotized by how beautiful he looked at that moment sitting in the school’s room, looking so happy and carefree.
‘I get it, y/n,’ he said and started eating again, smiling with a look that made you want to toss your arms around him and pull him closer.
Your cheeks were on fire again, but even if just a tiny bit, so were his, ‘I’m sort of glad none of those girls I liked ever accepted my confession either. I wouldn’t trade this moment for anything.’
Your heart pounded so hard that even people outside the roof had to hear it.
You wished all so desperately to be braver at that moment than you were and reach out to touch him somehow but found it impossible to do so even when he got you to feel all mellow inside like this.
Back in middle school, when you were forced to postpone your confession to your crush, you merely told yourself you would do it later. It wasn’t really a promise back then, not even a proper note for the future. It was more like an empty thought. One that wouldn’t cause you too much anguish if you never followed through with it because how could it?
Now, however, looking at Shin, the most beautiful and unique boy, you have ever met, you refuse to let it stay just a thought and idea for the future.
No, now, you would make it a promise. Something you couldn’t cower over forever. Something you would most definitely follow through with because how could you not?
Soon, you promised yourself in silence before offering him a kind smile feeling your entire heart agreed with you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes after you started to hang out more in school too, you found yourself in an unfortunate situation with some members of his gang. It was an unlucky coincidence, really.
You were alone in the grocery store when two tall and intimidating-looking gang members caught you and tried to steal your wallet. Until then, you only ever saw the members of the infamous Black Dragons around the neighborhood, but with the exception of Shin, you never spoke to any of them.
You held your breath, dreading what they would do with you and hoping they would just take your money and leave when one of them pulled open your wallet.
His eyes doubled in size, and he started to stutter, ‘Y-y-y-our n-name is-is-’
You became less fearful, and it seemed his partner was just as confused as you before he snatched your wallet from the boy and started to panic, too, ‘Y/L/N… that’s your name? OH NO!’
Suddenly both boys were on their knees, bowing to you and begging you for mercy, ‘PLEASE, DON’T TELL THE KING ABOUT THIS!’
‘HE’LL KILL US!’
‘HE’LL TELL HIS CAPTAINS TO KILL US!’
‘WE DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS YOU!’
‘BUT NOT BECAUSE HE DOESN’T TALK ABOUT YOU!’
‘HE DOES!’
‘ALL THE TIME!’
‘WE’RE SORRY!’
‘WE’RE STUPID!’
You didn’t even have time to say anything before they returned your wallet, snatched your bags, and told you they would walk them home for you.
You told yourself you wouldn’t say anything about them but then decided you would feel sort of shitty if you knew something like this could happen to anyone else.
So far, you didn’t have a reason to use the phone number you got from Shin, but you supposed today’s misadventure was a good enough reason.
‘Moshi, moshi,’ greeted a child on the other end, and for a moment, you were unsure what to do until you heard a slight groan, ‘Not funny, you pedo-’
‘Wait!’ you called out, startled, ‘Sorry, is… Shin there?’
‘Who’s asking?’
You opened and closed your mouth. Throughout the last couple of weeks, the two of you never discussed the fact that everyone around the school assumed you two were a couple. It wasn’t like anyone else brought it up, so you two just sort of carried on getting to know each other and became close. You would consider yourself friends, but the truth was you knew you were crushing on him a lot by now. Not to mention, he did try to confess to you after Valentine’s Day. It was, overall, a strange situation, and you were too shy and awkward to bring it up.
‘Well?’ demanded the child, and you cleared your throat, trying not to blush too hard, ‘Just tell him y/n is calling.’
‘His girlfriend? Huh, so you’re real? Though he made you up,’ he said, and you couldn’t help but chuckle at his bored tone.
‘Hey,’ he said with much more amusement, ‘Say, how come you decided to date someone as weak and stupid as my brother?’
You grimaced, recalling some stories about Shin’s younger brother, Mikey, that now made a lot more sense when you heard how he spoke about his older brother. ‘Well, I can’t speak much about his strength. I only saw him punch one guy for me,’ you admitted.
‘Oh yeah?’ asked Mikey almost gleefully.
‘Yeah,’ you nodded even if the kid couldn’t hear you, ‘Uh, he said something untrue and horrible about me, and Shin really let him have it. He ended up on the ground with a busted lip.’
Mikey chuckled, ‘Nice. But that guy had to be pretty weak. My brother isn’t a good fighter.’
‘I wasn’t able to tell,’ you said, wondering if he wasn’t a good fighter, how could he have become the leader of Black Dragon before you carried on, ‘And he isn’t stupid, just lazy. I corrected some of his homework, and if he invested more time into it, he would be fine.’
‘Grandpa always calls him a slacker too,’ agreed Mikey, and you smiled to yourself, thinking about Shin, unable to stop, ‘To be completely honest. I find your older brother a pretty great and good person. He helped me out so much, and that was even before he properly got to know me. But even before we became…uh, close, I felt he wasn’t all that bad. I can also tell he cares about all of you a lot because he always smiles when he talks about you guys.’
You heard someone say something to Mikey.
‘Alright, I’ll give you my brother now. Come around. I’ll show you how a really strong person fights.’
You grinned upon hearing that, ‘Alright. Bye, Mikey-chan.’
Just before Shin came to the phone, you heard the kid tell him loudly, ‘Your girlfriend is already cooler than you. You better beg her not to break up with you.’
‘Don’t be jealous, Mikey. If you ask me nicely, I’ll tell you all about my sweet moves to get a cool girl like that.’
You giggled a bit as you heard Shin’s voice, ‘Sorry about that. My brother can be a little shit.’
‘It’s alright. He’s funny. I’m curious about what sweet moves you want to show him. Getting rejected twenty times and stuttering through a confession?’ you realized too late you might have opened the door to the discussion you never really had before you heard him let out a fake whine, ‘So cruel, y/n-chan.’
You smiled and closed your eyes in relief before speaking again, ‘Listen, I won’t tell you who it was, and I don’t really want you to punish them, but I think you should know two of your members tried to rob me today?’
‘WHAT?!’
‘Nothing happened. They found my student card and realized who I was. They apologized and even swore they would never do that again, and I know it isn’t my business, and I don’t want to.’
‘Are you hurt?’
You frowned, confused, ‘What? No, you’re not listening.’
‘Are. You. Hurt?’ Shin asked again, this time far firmer, almost like he was angry.
You sighed, wishing you didn’t say anything now, ‘No.’
‘I’m coming over.’
‘It’s late,’ you said and glanced out of the window, looking at the dark sky.
‘I’m still coming over,’ he said seriously before he eased his tone a bit, ‘Can I?’
It could have been troublesome, but you didn’t have it in you to tell him no when he sounded like that, so you nodded, ‘Alright, we can talk for a bit outside the house, okay?’
Shin showed up less than twenty minutes later, obviously going far too fast.
Once he got off his bike carelessly, almost letting it fall to the ground, he was by your side in a second, putting his palms on your face, his dark eyes filled with concern and seriousness, trying to see if you were hurt before he lowered his gaze to the rest of your body, ‘I told you I’m not hurt.’
‘You also said you weren’t bullied before, remember?’ he asked, and you bit your lip because it was true, and you didn’t like to be reminded of it.
Once he genuinely deemed you unharmed, he let you go and stepped back with a loud sigh, ‘I’m sorry. Sometimes these things get out of hand. I was worried they were rough with you.’
You shook your head, your annoyance fading as you could see just how worried he was and why he was acting this way. You explained what happened again and simply asked him if he could tell his gang not to drag girls into dark alleys.
How bizarre that I get to ask that of a known gang leader.
Shin nodded, ‘I’ll ensure they won’t ever do that.’
You smiled, knowing all too well that when Shin said something like that, he meant it.
He then sighed and brushed his hair, which you only then realized wasn’t styled but sort of effortlessly messy in a good way.
‘Your hair looks nice today,’ you said before you could stop yourself and then covered half of your face before you looked away, ‘Sorry.’
He chuckled, and you could tell a lot of stress fell off his shoulders before he stepped closer to you and brushed it again more aggressively, ‘You think so? Want to touch it?’
You were embarrassed, but at the same time, you felt tempted to make him too.
You reached out and ran your fingers through his obviously not that long ago washed hair. It wasn’t the first time you touched it, but it felt nicer tonight than when it was soaking with hair gel, ‘I like it.’
Your eyes met his half expecting more teasing or to find him blushing all the way to the tips of his ears, but instead, you saw him with a rather gloomy look.
‘What’s the matter? I like your pompadour style too,’ you assured him quickly, worried you offended his most beloved look, but he shook his head, ‘It’s not that. It’s…my mom is sick.’
Before he said it, you figured out that he only ever spoke about his grandfather as the sole adult around the house. You knew she was still alive since he mentioned his father had passed away five years ago. Still, his mother was a bit of a mystery until your own family discussed Sano’s one evening, mentioning something about her being in a hospital for a long time now.
‘It’s why I freaked out so much,’ he explained, ‘She’s not getting better, and if you…,’ he didn’t answer, just shook his head, but you didn’t need him to anyway.
Looking at him was heartbreaking. All the more because he already did so much for you, and here you were, powerless and useless to do the same.
Without anything else to offer, you offered yourself as you put your arms around his neck and pulled his body to yours. You couldn’t recall the last time or ever if you ever hugged someone who wasn’t your family. But with the way Shin practically sank into your embrace, almost crushing you with how tightly he was holding onto you, trying to get you even closer to him, you were sure you were doing a good job.
‘Shin,’ you said finally and felt him hum before he pulled away enough to look at your face.
You offered him a small smile, ‘You should introduce me to your captains. So, they know who to look out for.’
‘Yeah?’ asked the boy, his smile returning.
Given how much on fire your face felt, you had no illusion about how red it must have looked, but even so, you two didn’t let go of each other.
You nodded and decided to at least somehow hide your face by pulling him closer again, and he did the same.
The incredible feeling of warmth and safety inside your weak belly was almost enough to make up for the merciless teasing you had to endure from your family after you got back into the house.
Almost
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shin introduced you to his captains a week later on a day you didn’t have school. He started to skip more and more classes. Still, he always made a point to give you rides and occasionally even come back for lunches, if only to spend them in your presence.
Meeting gang members should have been terrifying, and some of you wondered if you should invest some money into a paper spray. Still, once they all gave you a very formal bow that made you feel like you were in some royal in a historical drama, they seemed to decide on a much friendlier approach looking at you like you were a new animal in the zoo.
‘Ah, she’s pretty, Shin-chan,’ said one with strangely alluring hair of three colors, ‘You’re going to have cute babies.’
‘Oi!’ warned him, Shin, and the only reason you didn’t die of embarrassment was that Shin was blushing just as hard as you.
‘Seriously, are you blackmailing this poor girl, Shin?’ asked another one stepping closer to you with a far less friendly smile than the others.
Before Shin could answer, you took hold of his hand and asked, ‘And where’s your girlfriend?’
It earned you a few chuckles, and the captain, who asked for some teasing from his comrades, but Shin grinned at you and pulled your closer, looking really impressed.
He kept you close to him since that. Being in the sea of boys in dark Black Dragons uniforms, you didn’t mind it all that much, preferring that you could count on his hand on your arm or your own on his for comfort when things felt too overwhelming.
‘They liked you,’ he said as he dropped you home later than usual that day, looking like he wouldn’t mind if the two of you could spend even more time together.
You felt the same.
‘I like them too,’ you admitted, ‘Some more than others.’
He grinned before an almost shy look took over his face, and his dark eyes glanced somewhere into the distance, ‘I hope you don’t plan to like them…more than me.’
You opened and closed your mouth. Right there at the tip of your tongue was, ‘I don’t think I ever liked anyone as much as I like you,’ but you just couldn’t force it out.
It seemed the moment carried and was threatening to become awkward, which you would hate so much because of how good it felt to be with Shin.
Unsure if you would ruin it or not, you acted before thinking and pressed your lips in a quick motion against his cheek, feeling just how heated and soft his skin was from an entire day under the sun outside.
Even if you would probably die out of mortification if someone ever found out, you felt crossed with yourself later on that you didn’t aim closer to his mouth.
You didn’t dare to see his reaction and just let a high-pitched bye before running to your house, grateful none of your family saw that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Neither of you mentioned your little stunt afterward, and things returned to their routine. The anxious coward part of you was grateful since you would hate to mess something up when having Shin in your life brought you so much joy. But there was a every day getting, stronger part that still craved for more.
Almost as if that girl recognized you were dealing with something in your new relationship, she started talking at you. She couldn’t speak to you since you found the new willpower to ignore her despite how rude it made you seem. That being said, you often heard her fake sweet voice carry around the hallways after you.
‘You know, y/n-chan. Being with Sano-san isn’t really good for you if you act like this,’ she said during one of those days that Shin skipped school, forcing you to eat with some of your friendlier classmates instead.
‘You might want to think about all that bad behavior rubbing off on you. Your family probably wouldn’t take too kindly to learn that you changed so much,’ said the girl. She wasn’t wrong. Even if you didn’t like it, if your family heard from anyone that you were acting badly, they would indeed believe them and blame you. Even if right now they were over the moon that their weirdo-daughter found herself a boyfriend.
You watched her smug face smiling at you with that fake kind smile feeling nothing but disgust and anger. You hated that she still held power over you to threaten something, in this case, someone you cared for so much.
‘You know,’ you said while looking at her and some of her followers who came into the classroom, realizing a lot of people were silently listening to you two, ‘I used to wonder why did you hate me so much to bully me so severely-‘
‘Bully, y/n-chan? You must be confused-’
‘But now I couldn’t care less,’ you admitted knowing for a while now it was the truth. Being with Shin and knowing he would look out for you in any way he could bring you a sense of security and power, for lack of better words. You felt strong enough for once against whatever this brat would toss at you.
She pressed her lips into a new tight smile, obviously upset you spoke to her in such a way.
‘You’re not a good person,’ you glanced at every single one of the followers who came to your classroom, ‘neither of you are. And honestly, your opinion doesn’t matter to me one bit anymore. In less than a month, we’ll be graduating, and that will be the last time I ever have to see your face or hear that silly laughter of yours,’ you looked away, returning to your lunch box, deciding that you were happy for once in a very long time. You refused to let them take that from you by causing you to stress and worry about things you couldn’t control. So be it if that brat and her followers wanted to talk to your parents. If they wanted to believe her, so be it. You felt enough of an outsider with both of those groups to know you would still choose to have Shin in your life.
You heard her, and some other girls chuckle or snicker, ‘I don’t know what makes you say such things. Perhaps you’re just tired from staying up too late with delinquents, who are up to no good.’
You refused to dignify her with an answer knowing she would just turn it around.
You expected them to giggle some more and leave before you heard one of your classmates say, ‘Hey if you’re done here, you can just leave already.’
The girls were silenced, and everyone, including you, glanced at your classmate, your former crush, ‘This isn’t your classroom. You don’t see us occupying your space with your obnoxious chatters.’
You were surprised, to say the least, since you thought the two were dating, but maybe that wasn’t the same. Not that it matters all that much to you now.
‘That’s right,’ agreed some other classmates, and you turned to look at him, ‘And stop messing with y/l/n all the time. It’s pathetic.’
Your classmate, who was eating with you, also said, ‘If you’re so jealous, you might want to rethink your attitude.’
‘We all know you 3-B girls are just annoying bullies,’ said someone else before she not so quietly whispered, ‘No wonder Sano would prefer y/l/n. She’s a much better person than her.’
You didn’t really know what to say to all that, and it seemed that girl and her followers didn’t either after being called out like that.
They left in silence, looking at least a little bit ashamed or maybe sad, but you meant what you said since you couldn’t really be bothered by them and their mind games anymore.
To show your gratitude to everyone, you thanked everyone, and the lunch went on much calmer.
Later when Shin came to drop you home, you told him what happened, and he offered you a grin and knocked against your helmet, ‘That’s good. But if they still cause you trouble, let me know. I’ll figure something out.’
‘Shin, you can’t beat up girls.’ You knew he wouldn’t do it, and even if some of his gang subordinates would willing to ruffle them up, you didn’t want anyone to get hurt or in trouble because of you.
‘Of course,’ said Shin sounding almost offended you would think that, ‘But I would fight with their boyfriends and crushes. Maybe older brothers.’
‘All of them, huh?’
‘Yup, every last one if it meant it would protect you,’ he said proudly, and you hid your face against his back and put your arms tightly around his middle, ‘Thank you, Shinichiro.’
You never would have thought you would feel blessed to have a delinquent in your life, but you truly felt that way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
By the time the graduation came and passed, you already met most of Shin’s family.
You visited his place as once your family let out you and Sano were together, his grandfather demanded you come for dinner too.
Mikey later blurted out that it was because, like everyone else in the family, they didn’t think you were real, which got Shin to curse at them and then apologize. His family was lovely, and you liked them a lot. You even got a chance to accompany them once to visit Shin’s mother in the hospital. She cried when she said she could tell you were a good person, and she was grateful he had someone like you. She even thanked you, causing you to cry like a baby once you managed to get into the hallway startling the rest of his family. Still, Shin just chuckled and patted your head, explaining you tended to get emotional like that.
Either way, it wasn’t a big deal for you to come to his home that day, but you made it a big deal by putting on your new summer dress and spending more time on your hair and makeup. You kept it decent, though. Shin was around you long enough to know what sort of a girl you were, so there was no point to start pretending to be someone else. He seemed to have liked you just fine up until now.
I just hope he’ll continue to like me after this too.
You found him in his room, already familiar with the layout of his home, and allowed to come inside by Emma, who hugged your middle and had you promise to come to listen to some music with her before you would leave.
‘Hey, I wasn’t expecting you today. I didn’t forget, did I?’ he asked, sitting up from his bed. After graduation and even a little before that, he stopped using hair gel and allowed his hair a messier and wilder hairstyle. You didn’t mind it. He looked handsome all the same.
You shook your head, ‘Don’t worry. I just thought I stop by.’
You started university and found a part-time job while Shin went to work full-time. It made the both of you to have less time for one another, but you still made it work. It was good neither of you minded all that much to spend hours with the other while he was busy doing something else.
‘So what’s up? Do you want to watch a movie?’ he asked and sat on the floor so you could do the same. In your mind, you pretty much planned the whole thing out, but it seemed to actually be here, and seeing the young man was proving to be a hassle.
‘Er, sure in a bit?’ you agreed hesitantly.
He grinned and arched his eyebrow, clearly mocking you a bit about your weird behavior. You didn’t blame him.
Your pulse pounded harder as you forced yourself to move closer, cursing at yourself that you chickened out during graduation when there was noise and other factors that made it all less quiet and awkward.
Shin’s dark eyes, which you always found so pretty, blinked at you, and much of his amusement faded.
Even if he wasn’t doing anything, you could tell he stilled.
You moved closer until your knees touched the outside of his leg while he sat cross-legged on the floor. It was hardly the first time you were this close, but it seemed both of you now knew what this was all about.
You never really addressed the fact that you weren’t a real couple. At first, it was either pointless or seemed rude, but with more time, you grew familiar with the notion. You never openly called each other boyfriend or girlfriend. Still, whenever Shin or you bought the other somewhere, people assumed you didn’t correct them. You were unsure what were Shin’s thoughts on the matter, but you knew pretty early on yours that you didn’t want to correct anyone anymore.
A sense of woozy headiness filled you when your noses touched. Being close to him wasn’t new. He rode you home and hugged you quite often, making it somewhat easier to think you weren’t just friends. Still, you never brushed your nose against his ever so slightly and felt your breaths mingle like this before.
You remained like this for a second before you sighed and erased the last couple of pesky inches between you with your lips. You never did this before, so it wasn’t more than a quick and innocent peck. It wasn’t enough to actually know anything about his taste or touch, but it still caused a tiny spark between you too.
When you opened your eyes, you found his dark ones already on you, ‘Why?’
You swallowed, feeling a shiver running across your body at how breathless he sounded, ‘I-I felt like kissing my boyfriend.’
He blinked, and given how close your faces still were to one another, you felt rather than saw his hand slide up the back and around your neck, ‘Yeah?’ he asked and licked his lips, causing your eyes to stick to his mouth like glue, ‘Well, now I feel like kissing my girlfriend back.’
You sensed his head dipped, and he caused your chin to tilt toward him.
‘Ok-’
Then his mouth was on yours, and your mind emptied completely. Nothing else existed except for this. The heat, the pleasure, the firm pressure of his lips, and the soft glide of his tongue against yours.
You didn’t know when you raised your hands, only found your fingers sliding into his hair while he tipped your head back further, giving him as much access as he could possibly want.
He tasted like mint, smoke, and Shin. It was so delicious and indescribable you wanted to drown in it, and you almost did.
A moan slipped from your mouth to his, and he answered with a tortured groan of his own.
His hand tightened around your nape in a way that, instead of that sweet and comfortable warmth, made you feel the heat.
Your first kiss should have felt strange or at least a little bit uncomfortable with how little practice you had, but it certainly didn’t feel that way. Instead, it felt completely perfectly right.
You were both breathless when you broke the kiss, and he immediately pulled you into his arms.
You remained like that for a while quietly, with the only sounds coming from your loudly beating hearts, heavy breaths, and some faint sounds from other parts of the house.
Your eyes stayed closed until Shin pulled your face toward his and pressed your foreheads against each other, ‘I’m glad you gave me that chocolate on Valentine’s Day.’
You smiled, ‘I’m glad you didn’t wait until March to return the favor.’
He chuckled and pressed a soft kiss against your temple, ‘I love you.’
‘I love you too.’
Koniec A.N: Thank you for reading. Have a lovely day 😊
— I’m a sucker for reincarnation au, so imagine that after dying fighting curses at the age of 24, you are reborn in a new world with no curse and no sorcery. A normal world.
You remember almost everything about that distant life you had, for years you thought it wasn’t real, but as years started to go by the memories of that life started to be more and more clear, but one thing was still unclear. The blurry face who always smiled at you and that always made your heart flutter. For years you tried to picture that face, to try to remember them. But you always ended up empty handed.
Now you were already pass the age when you died, those curses didn’t exist and you didn’t have to risk your life on risky missions. But still, although you were happy with everything you had in life, something was missing.
You heart was still not full.
“I found you…” You heard one autumn morning when you were walking around the beach with your dog.
“Excuse me?” You asked.
The person was hide behind a cap, and you couldn’t see his face completely.
He approached you and your eyes finally met and you felt how your heart stopped beating when those blue eyes met yours.
“You…”
Memories of your previous life and those ocean eyes started to flash on your head. How you two met in the first year, how he would always tease you, how he would run through the whole Jujutsu Tech whenever you ended up on the medical area… How he held you in your last moments and how he promised you to find you in the next life.
He was there. Gojo Satoru was there. Your Satoru was there. He found you.
“Satoru…” You cried.
“Yeah that’s me.” He held you in his arms, but this time he was not letting you go, he was not going to waste his time.
“I missed you… Even though I couldn’t remember you, I did.” You said against his chest.
“It’s okay… now we found each other.” He whispered against your hair, even in that life he was still taller than you. “I missed you… Living without you was like being in hell… those five years…”
“Five years?” You looked at him, what did he meant by five years. It couldn’t mean what you thought right, it wasn’t possible right? He was Gojo Satoru…
“I died…” He touched your cheek and you looked at him with sad eyes. “But that life doesn’t matter anymore… I care about our now.”
You smiled. “Yeah…”
“So, would you let me take you out on a date?” He smiled and the two dimples that you used to see in your memories that didn’t have an owner, now they did.
_________
Jujutsu Kaisen materialist
cowboy geto at your service
Im not crying you are. It sounds dumb. But this podcast meant more to me that u can imagine
All of it was an emotional rollercoaster but I loved every part of it 😭🤞🏻
epilogue
— pairing: billy hargrove x fem!reader
— type: part of a series
— summary: your first meeting
— tags: things coming full circle
— tw: none
— word count: 493
— a/n: writing this has been a journey all in its own. i honestly don't even know where it came from. when i started it, it'd been a minute since i'd even watched stranger things, but it just hit me out of nowhere & once the words started to flow, there was no stopping them. and for the first time ever, i completed a multi-chapter fic. something i have struggled for numerous years to do.
i want to thank everyone who has interacted with this story or me in any way. it has meant more than you can imagine. this one is for all of you.
“Who’s that?” Nancy asks, looking behind you.
You look up, brows furrowing. “Hm?”
She glances to you, then back behind you once more, nodding her head in that same direction.
You turn your head, looking over your shoulder, and catch sight of a blue Chevy Camaro pulling into the school parking lot, and then a tall young man with dirty-blond curls and a mullet, dressed all in jeans, looks at you as he steps out the driver’s side, stopping for a moment, just staring.
You give him a small, welcoming smile, and he smirks then, closing the door to his car, turning away.
You turn back to Nancy, shrugging. “He must be new.”
She continues to study his vehicle. “His plate says California.”
You listen as the bell rings, beckoning you all inside. “Long way from home,” you remark.
When you enter English class, you see that the new guy is now seated directly behind you. You walk over, ready to welcome him to the school—to Hawkins in general—but he speaks before you can bother opening your mouth.
He leans forward, flashing you a brilliant smile, even winking…and you now know he’s the flirtatious type. Great. While all you want is to be left alone.
He extends his hand toward you. “Billy Hargrove.”
You set your things down on your desk, sliding your hand into his, ignoring the way your heart skips a beat when you do so. “Y/N. Nice to meet you. Welcome to Hawkins,” you say with another smile.
He pulls your hand toward him, to his lips, pressing a firm kiss to the back of it, looking up at you from under his lashes. “Pleasure’s all mine, I’m sure.”
You tuck your hand back in your pocket then, to hide it now shaking from nerves.
You go to begin organizing your things for class and he speaks again. “So, doll, you already spoken for?”
You drop your pencil, blinking up at him. “W-what?”
He leans back, folding his hands behind his head. “Are you?”
“You move awful quickly, don’t you?”
He shrugs. “I’m a pretty confident guy. Besides, you know what they say: no time to waste. And I plan on livin’ life to the fullest. So?”
You lean down, picking up your pencil, then standing again. “It…needs sharpened.”
You turn your back to him, heading up front to the pencil sharpener and he smirks. He can already tell that you like him. That’s he’s made you nervous. He likes how you didn’t just give an answer right away. Hard to get. He can work with that—play that game. Even if he knows he’ll inevitably win.
You glance back to him and he blows you a kiss and you frown, looking away again.
He chuckles, looking to the boy seated beside him with perfectly tousled brown hair, who looks back at him with a raised brow of interest.
Billy nods toward you, smiling. “I’m gonna marry that girl one day.”
@stvksn on ig
Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader
Summary: Is Toji jealous of a helpless baby? Oh, he absolute is!
Warnings: Fluff
Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi
“Isn’t he the cutest?” You gush as Megumi yawns. Toji clicks his tongue. He’s cuter– Plus, he has teeth. The stupid baby doesn’t even have a way to chew food. “You look just like your daddy, oh my…”
“You got that right!” Toji agrees, making a chuckle leave your lips. You were afraid that once the baby came along Toji would act weird, but no. He’s still an overgrown child when it comes to you; Toji isn’t willing to share you with anyone, not even his own son.
Megumi begins to cry, getting fussy as his drowsiness gets the best of him. Would he really be a baby if he didn’t cry for everything? His eyes are getting heavy, and he doesn’t know what happens when they close, of course he’s scared.
“He didn’t get the crybaby part from me though.” Toji quickly defends himself, making you click your tongue. It’s odd to watch your husband compete with a baby, but did you expect less?
“Toji he’s a baby!” You remind him, but that doesn’t impress him. You end up sighing, handing the crying baby to your husband. Megumi isn’t only your son, but his as well. Toji can bear some of the responsibilities. “Put him to sleep, I’m going to take a shower.”
“But–” Toji begins, but he can’t finish protesting before he’s carrying a chunky baby. Megumi was born so small, but at four months, the baby is nearly 17 pounds. His little cheeks are so round and kissable now, something that the man would never admit outloud.
Toji sneaks one of those kisses on the cheek before telling Megumi, “I can pretend to stop hating you now that we’re alone.”
Toji puts the baby on his chest, hand caressing his small back. Something that works charms with the baby. Toji smells the small amount of hair on his head, kissing him again. “You know I just do that because I want your mommy’s attention.”
The crying dies down, sleep getting the best of the baby. He can fight it and fight it, but that’s the one thing that will always win: sleep. He’s just like Toji in that sense too.
“I love you, Megumi.” Toji says, eyes glimmering at the small baby. He lightly chuckles as he mutters, “You’re still not cuter than me though.”
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