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25 years of ads peeled away

Vampire Spider-Man voiced by Oscar Isaac??? And you expect me to be normal ab this??? with THAT shoulder to hip ratio???? G R O W U P

Hey guys! I'm just letting you all know that I won't be active that much today.

Me and a bunch of psychos on Tumblr are celebrating the death of some old Roman politician.

This family doesn't need a DNA test💅💅

my bf has many interesting stories and observations from his new job as a 911 operator

my favorite is how meandering people are, even in the midst of a terrible emergency

they respond to “what is the emergency” with “well, the thing is, four weeks ago–”

and then he’s like “WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY RIGHT NOW”

and they’re like “so what happened this morning was, i said to my wife, i said–”

“WHAT IS CURRENTLY HAPPENING AT THIS MOMENT”

“oh i’m having a heart attack”

my second favorite is how specific he has to get sometimes

like, “what is your emergency?”

“i’m sitting in a pool of blood.”

“… is it… your blood?”

“yes i think so”

“do you know where it’s coming from?”

“probably the stab wound”

“have you been stabbed?”

“oh yah definitely”

“they were flirting with you” and how was i supposed to know such a thing when everyone speaks in codes and puzzles