Zillenial Things

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

I love tumblr. I love that tumblr is the best social media site of 2021.

Every other site has spent the last decade perfecting the art of targeted ads. I am a wallet of flesh and blood which must be stripped bare and profiled and picked apart for the maximally efficient way to squeeze profit from my presence. Every other site will fold and morph itself to a shape of my liking - like a fairy tale trickster stealing memories and taking their mold - to lull me into compliance and loosen my coin purse.

Facebook sees me searching fitness equipment and injects my timeline with athletic wear ads. Reddit profiles the subreddits I follow and eagerly promotes a new coding bootcamp or cloud service at every turn. Google overhears me lamenting over my moving to-do list on voice call and fills in my “how much to tip movers” query before I’ve gotten the third word typed out.

Tumblr never even tried.

They could have. The information is there. The basic infrastructure, presumably, exists. Tumblr can recommend me tags based on tags I follow, blogs based on blogs I follow, even posts that for one reason or another may strike my fancy. Tumblr could be - SHOULD be - funneling this framework into advertising, as the only means that free-to-use social media platforms can turn a profit in our capitalistic hellscape.

They just don’t.

Today I saw an ad for treating Hyperhidrosis - a condition, I think, in which a person sweats too much - and I saw it twice, four posts apart, and it is so incredibly benignly impersonally ineptly untargeted toward me compared to all other pinpoint-aimed advertising that I’m endeared to it. Tumblr knows NOTHING about me. 8 years, 51,000 likes, and tumblr has not learned a THING about me.

Advertisements for a mattress? Shitty mobile game ads that don’t make even the slightest pretense at being anything other than a candy crush rip-off? Choose-your-own adventure games either about Royal Espionage or Choosing The Wrong Dress For Your Date with ZERO in-between.

And then this. This here. The culmination, the crown-jewel of tumblr’s nihilistic non-compliance with the state of social media advertising. Any pretense of capitalistic exchange is abandoned at the gas station by the side of the road. This is not a company. This is not a product. This is not anything that fulfills the contract of consumer and seller. 

THIS. THIS IS WHAT TUMBLR HAS TO OFFER INSTEAD.

“Pour vinegar on your bread, fuck you.”

“Put it in the garbage, fuck you.”

“Your wife says you’re a fucking dumbass, fuck you.”

That’s it. That’s the advertisement. You vinegar-breadless cuck. You virgin extraordinaire bereft of bread and garbage can. I am fucking your wife right now in our vinegar-soaked motel bed. She puffs a cigarette which I pulled from the trashcan and we both laugh heartily at her recounts of your immasculine ineptitude. I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything from you. Fuck you. 

Amazing. Amazing. What a state of things to ring in 2021. What a great platform we all collectively choose to be on.

DDD 1

seokjin : You’re smiling, did something good happen?

Junmyeon : Can’t I just smile because I feel like it?

Taeyong : kris’s current girlfriend dumped him.

Jeonghan : Very publicly.

Hakyeon : With a slap and a splash of wine in his face.

Jinyoung : Also yixing is coming home a month early.

Junmyeon : its like christmas and thanksgiving put together :)

Multifandom problems pt.1

You started with one group now you’re at your 25th

After 5th group you just started adopting group after a group

You are scared you don’t show all the groups enough love

Almost all of your favourite song’s are b-sides

When a group debuts you swear you won’t stan but still you get dragged into the fandom

You want all groups to be equally successful

Your bank account suffers almost every month

You don’t stan only groups there are soloists too

You are bewildered when someone asks for your ult group (cause mother can’t pick a favorite child)

You are extremely happy when an underrated group goes big or has a hit

But also you are very happy when famous groups are breaking records

You might love them all equally but there are some people that have a special place in your heart

You just ignore fanwars because why fight when you can stan both

Getting judged by people that stand only one group

And lastly living life full of happiness because all of those 240 people you stan make your life less shitty

this is so soft :-(

BooSeokSoon fanboying over Hongki and his incredible voice.

Ps. Seungkwan did so well in this duet.

Mentally I'm stuck in Thriller Bark

STILES IS REAL. #RememberStiles

get you a man who can do both

I have stretch marks.

Reblog if you do too. Just to prove that it is more normal than what people actually think.