Imaboringtwat - Idk What To Put Here

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

vivian wilson, el*n m*sk’s trans daughter, is actually the funniest fucking person on the planet, I’m obsessed with her

ugh SO GOOD gotta read this shit

COURAGE: CHAPTER FOUR

Chapter Four: The Courage to Trust Another With Your Heart

Rating: Explicit

CW/TW: Past alcohol abuse and suicidal ideation

Story Summary: Aziraphale Eastgate is unfailingly polite, effortlessly charming, and seems to like everyone in Central London—everyone, that is, except Anthony Crowley. And for the life of him, Crowley has never understood why. But when they find themselves trapped on a week-long vacation with their best friends, Maggie and Nina, it doesn't take long for Crowley to find out.

Chapter Excerpt:

“Crowley, I understand,” Aziraphale whispers. “People can be so cruel. Leave you in the middle of the night. Kick you to the kerb. Make you feel you aren’t right or enough or worth the effort. I never want you to feel that way, not ever again. Oh, god, I have so much to make up for. And I will, if you’ll let me.” I must look confused, because he presses his lips to mine, then goes on. “I’m not asking you for anything. I realise you don’t have any reason to trust me. Just… Let me be your friend. Get to know me. I want a chance is all. Please, Crowley. Just a chance.”

Continue reading on AO3

Or start from the beginning

Thank you to the amazing @gleafer for the cover art!

And thank you to my betas @on1occasionfork and @brenna

@goodomensafterdark @ajconstantine

a writing competition i was going to participate in again this year has announced that they now allow AI generated content to be submitted

their reasoning being that "we couldn't ban it even if we wanted to, every writer already uses it anyway"

"Every writer"?

come on

Incredibly, I just realised I haven't done a pinned post of my AO3 fic. Do mind the tags!

Fluff (Teen rating):

Just in the mood for some cookery shenanigans and domestic fluff? Indulge in Cooking for Beginners

Or maybe you're more interested in seeing the Ineffables enjoy a picnic beneath the stars as Crowley tries to work up the courage to Do It Again. If so, enjoy Where We Belong

Non-graphic smut:

Want pining, sexual/romantic tension, but with a happy ending (and bonus 1941)? How To Play

Explicit works:

Want a follow-up of 1941 roleplay with explicit sex, plus a heap of feelings and power-play? Some Kind of Magic Inside

If you're in the mood for Femme Crowley and intriguing lingerie, try The Way That You Hold Me

Fancy some Femme Crowley AND Femme Aziraphale? Enjoy Like Heaven Above Me

How about some restaurant sex roleplay? The Things You Do

Or perhaps a reimagining of the Bastille incident? Somehow You Found Me

Maybe some good ol' phone sex and feelings? A Little Distance

Enjoy some tenderness with your voyeurism? Let Me See You

Why not an ethereal threesome featuring two Soft/Gentle Dom Aziraphales and one Sub Crowley? How I Worship You

If you're after some slow burn, enemies to friends to lovers, there's my Human AU where Azira Fell and AJ Crowley are both neurodivergent, authors, enemies... and, unbeknownst to them, both fans of a certain TV show... Write A Way

There's now a one-shot sequel to Write A Way called Letting Go, where Azira and Crowley start to explore some kinkier aspects to their relationship...

Perhaps you'd like to read some emotional make-up sex while Crowley wears the most ridiculous outfit possible? Talking is for Tomorrow

Or maybe you'd enjoy Femme Aziraphale trying to very obviously seduce a very oblivious Crowley via cream cakes and innuendo? Finding A Rhythm

You might be more in the mood for university lecturers Anthony and Ezra finally working things out together thanks to an academic conference, some criminally-thin walls, and a rather magic wand in I've Got a Wand and (maybe) a Rabbit (edit: there's now a 4 chapter sequel to this called Is It Casual Now?, where Ezra and Anthony are trying to work out who they are together, with a healthy dollop of miscommunication 😅)

I hope you find something you enjoy - let me know here or in the comments on AO3 💜

*in siri voice*

"Pain has successfully been relieved."

*star trek noises*

"Thank you for using our service. Would you like to leave feedback?"

elon stink's voice echoing all the way from his stupid mansion in america: AHGHGHGHGSAJGDJHGASDGHJASHGHHHH

me: thank you, 5 stars, siri.

Reblog to give your period cramps to Elon Musk